For many years I have wanted to undertake a serious study of the bounce that things take when they fall: bits of food, mint M&Ms, screws, bolts, nuts, friends, etc. More often than not these head off in a direction that is decidedly counter-intuitive, indeed (it seems to me), deliberately, willfully so. My study will determine once and for all that we live in an antagonistic, hostile world that opposes us in every thing. (Yes, I have observed some rare instances in which the concluding position of a fallen object is precisely where I expected it. This, I am certain, is intended only to perplex us the more. My study will resolve these issues and is likely to have far-ranging implications...).