Author Topic: Dating or not dating.  (Read 41681 times)

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Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #40 on: August 20, 2016, 06:43:11 AM »
I suppose I can post something here since this is another form of snyprrr's old thread: More Girl Problems (http://www.good-music-guide.com/community/index.php/topic,24205.msg886462.html#msg886462), but, from what I can tell so far, this is a much more positive thread than that old one. ;) I met a woman yesterday and she's a new associate at the store I work at and she is absolutely beautiful. She has me quite smitten and I think she feels the same way I do. We both seem to make each other smile like two bashful school children. Anyway, I asked her her out and she said yes, but now it's just a matter of when we'll be going out. Both of our schedules don't really allow us to see each outside of work. She works 3 PM - 12 AM and I work 1 PM - 10 PM. I'm usually off Sundays and Mondays and her schedule seems to fluctuate a lot. I really hope we can figure this thing out, because yesterday I was about ready to just kiss her right in front of everyone. :D

That's cool. And I second the idea of lunch or breakfast. Just always remember that if she's as interested as she appears to be then she'll find the time for a date, one way or another.

Offline Mirror Image

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #41 on: August 20, 2016, 06:49:35 AM »
That's cool. And I second the idea of lunch or breakfast. Just always remember that if she's as interested as she appears to be then she'll find the time for a date, one way or another.

Yeah, but I'm not feeling anything right now other than this is probably a bad idea. She's just too young.
“When a man is in despair, it means that he still believes in something.” - Dmitri Shostakovich

Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #42 on: August 20, 2016, 07:04:51 AM »
Yeah, but I'm not feeling anything right now other than this is probably a bad idea. She's just too young.

How mature of you!  :D Recognising stuff like that is cool too.
Going only by what you've said, I think that if I were in your position I'd wait a few days and see if she arranges a specific date. If she does, good. But if she doesn't, then I'd just continue to enjoy her company while keeping in mind she might know other interesting women nearer your age. Whatever happens, just be cool as hell about it.

Offline Mirror Image

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #43 on: August 20, 2016, 07:33:47 AM »
How mature of you!  :D Recognising stuff like that is cool too.
Going only by what you've said, I think that if I were in your position I'd wait a few days and see if she arranges a specific date. If she does, good. But if she doesn't, then I'd just continue to enjoy her company while keeping in mind she might know other interesting women nearer your age. Whatever happens, just be cool as hell about it.

I'll be honest, I'm quite tempted to go out with her and not think anything about it, but I know, in the back of my mind, that I won't be able to do it. Friends with benefits might be something I'd be interested in though. ;) ;D
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Offline Sergeant Rock

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #44 on: August 20, 2016, 07:52:26 AM »
Breakfast or even lunch is a good idea. I suppose my main problem (or that seems the biggest mental hurdle at the moment) is she's younger than me and when I say younger I'm talking 10 years. I like her but I'm probably not going to actually pursue her because of this difference in age.

Age difference doesn't matter as long as you have shared interests and goals, and compatible personalities. Mrs. Rock is nine years younger than me...and we've been together happily for 41 years.

Sarge
the phone rings and somebody says,
"hey, they made a movie about
Mahler, you ought to go see it.
he was as f*cked-up as you are."
                               --Charles Bukowski, "Mahler"

Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #45 on: August 20, 2016, 08:03:07 AM »
Age difference doesn't matter as long as you have shared interests and goals, and compatible personalities. Mrs. Rock is nine years younger than me...and we've been together happily for 41 years.

Sarge

Yeah, nine years is actually a nice age difference - my wife was eight years younger than me.
But larger gaps can end up being a problem, which is something I had to deal with fairly recently.

Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #46 on: August 20, 2016, 08:31:34 AM »
I want to say something else about bigger age differences (where the woman is half the age of the man) and it's that while there are always exceptions to the rule, I believe there's only one reason for having a relationship with such a young woman. Some guys say "Yeah, she keeps me going" or "I value her enthusiasm for life" or similar BS. But the truth, the real reason, is their body. It's as simple as that. And more people should be honest and admit it.

Offline jessop

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #47 on: August 20, 2016, 03:48:00 PM »
I suppose I can post something here since this is another form of snyprrr's old thread: More Girl Problems (http://www.good-music-guide.com/community/index.php/topic,24205.msg886462.html#msg886462), but, from what I can tell so far, this is a much more positive thread than that old one. ;) I met a woman yesterday and she's a new associate at the store I work at and she is absolutely beautiful. She has me quite smitten and I think she feels the same way I do. We both seem to make each other smile like two bashful school children. Anyway, I asked her her out and she said yes, but now it's just a matter of when we'll be going out. Both of our schedules don't really allow us to see each outside of work. She works 3 PM - 12 AM and I work 1 PM - 10 PM. I'm usually off Sundays and Mondays and her schedule seems to fluctuate a lot. I really hope we can figure this thing out, because yesterday I was about ready to just kiss her right in front of everyone. :D
Are breakfast dates a thing???

You know, I don't understand the kind of courage it takes for anyone to make a 'first move.' I have never been the one to make a 'first move' ever. I've said yes to two people and turned down two others in my time on this planet. No idea what is going to happen in the future though!

Offline Mirror Image

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #48 on: August 20, 2016, 07:15:03 PM »
Are breakfast dates a thing???

You know, I don't understand the kind of courage it takes for anyone to make a 'first move.' I have never been the one to make a 'first move' ever. I've said yes to two people and turned down two others in my time on this planet. No idea what is going to happen in the future though!

It does take a lot of courage because there's always that fear of rejection, which is universal and anyone can sympathize with. I hope you find someone, but there may be a situation where you're going to have to make the first move because maybe the other person is too shy or doesn't really know how to go about asking.

Anyway, my own situation came to a screeching halt today whenever the woman I was interested in said she's 'got plans' on her off days. ??? No problem for me as she's not the one for me and it's as simple as that really. I'm of the motto now "if it happens, it'll happen, if it doesn't, then it doesn't". It's no big deal. Moving on...
“When a man is in despair, it means that he still believes in something.” - Dmitri Shostakovich

Offline Mirror Image

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #49 on: August 20, 2016, 07:34:37 PM »
I want to say something else about bigger age differences (where the woman is half the age of the man) and it's that while there are always exceptions to the rule, I believe there's only one reason for having a relationship with such a young woman. Some guys say "Yeah, she keeps me going" or "I value her enthusiasm for life" or similar BS. But the truth, the real reason, is their body. It's as simple as that. And more people should be honest and admit it.

For me, it'd be all about the body. That's it. I don't subscribe to any of that empty rhetoric you mentioned. So, hey, at least I admitted it. ;D
“When a man is in despair, it means that he still believes in something.” - Dmitri Shostakovich

Offline Mirror Image

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #50 on: August 20, 2016, 07:36:28 PM »
Age difference doesn't matter as long as you have shared interests and goals, and compatible personalities. Mrs. Rock is nine years younger than me...and we've been together happily for 41 years.

Sarge

Yes and I'm sure you count your blessings everyday that you've had such a long, and I'd imagine fruitful, marriage. Here's to many more! On a side note, my parents celebrated their 46th in June.
« Last Edit: August 20, 2016, 08:24:21 PM by Mirror Image »
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Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #51 on: August 22, 2016, 02:35:46 AM »
For me, it'd be all about the body. That's it. I don't subscribe to any of that empty rhetoric you mentioned. So, hey, at least I admitted it. ;D

There's much to be said for older women too, although I'm no longer sure what I consider as 'older'. But among their varied skills is the ability to flirt wonderfully, sometimes on the very cusp of suggestiveness...

A while back I'd a problem with the billing for a concert ticket and because I was in town I went to the box office rather than call. The not unattractive woman (late thirties? early forties?) behind the counter resolved the problem promptly and after I'd thanked her she silently looked me in the eye, then down at her hands as she used them to flatten down the front of her shirt over her stomach and said "Can you believe I've had two children? A 17 year old daughter and a 20 year old son?!" I'm almost hardwired to respond automatically with something like "Oh yeah? Tell me more about the 17 year old daughter", but in this case my reply was that up to that point I'd every faith in her integrity and sincerity in dealing with my ticket problem, but that it had now dissipated and that her figure clearly reveals she is telling a fib.
I enjoy that kind of thing when it happens. It's harmless, fun and cool and both parties usually come away from it with a smile on their face. And as I said, older ladies seem to be more comfortable with themselves and so more likely to flirt with ease and no little charm.

Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #52 on: August 26, 2016, 08:15:40 AM »
I'll put a tl;dr at the end of this.

When my ex and I split up the news got around. Even the staff in the local supermarket were aware of it. One of the women who works there regularly made a point of asking "Aw...how are you keeping now?" with sympathy and a rub of my arm (including a not very well hidden small pause at my bicep) despite the fact I've been okay. She's the type who is generally all winks and smiles for male customers and she has a great figure (and knows it) which is enhanced by having her uniform altered. So I'd come back from the gym, went into the shop and ended up at her checkout. A few mildly flirtatious words were exchanged until she said that she's finishing work at 15:30 and then added that she'll be finishing at that time all week. I left and went home, showered, got dressed, topped up my pump via the behind the door emergency dumbbell, then went back to the shop and stood at the far end of the car park. When she came out she walked straight over, put a cigarette in her mouth and asked me for a light. I don't smoke, but I do carry a cigarette lighter with me. 8) We went for a drink (for the sake of appearances more than anything else) and then had some fun.


tl;dr: I met a nice no nonsense lady and discovered and she dyes her hair.

Offline Brian

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #53 on: August 26, 2016, 09:17:04 AM »
Kind of distraught MI has decided to abandon a romantic possibility without even a date - he listens to composers extensively before deciding he doesn't like them! What is the harm, what is the loss, in going on a date if it doesn't work out? At worst, you get a funny story - the same downside as when you listen to Bruch symphonies.  ;D

My girlfriend is 9 years older; a friend is dating a man 18 years older; my best friend married a partner 19 years older. Now, in those last cases, if they are still together at age 60/80, there will be practical challenges to face. But for now, it does not have a practical effect or detriment on their lives - except weird stares in public. Which most GMGers get anyway.  ;D

Maybe, John, you'll go out with her and find out she has a totally different worldview. Or maybe not. Only one way to find out. And in my experience, stuff like "you watched different movies as a kid" is a benefit - giving each other new experiences is even better than having shared memories. I'll always be grateful to my friend's 19-years-older husband for teaching us both about great wine and forcing us to watch Animaniacs reruns!

Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #54 on: August 26, 2016, 09:28:46 AM »
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I missed his post.


Anyway, my own situation came to a screeching halt today whenever the woman I was interested in said she's 'got plans' on her off days. ??? No problem for me as she's not the one for me and it's as simple as that really. I'm of the motto now "if it happens, it'll happen, if it doesn't, then it doesn't". It's no big deal. Moving on...

Yeah, that's a real clear knock back. It can sting like hell (like being punched by a boxer) but only for a moment.

And your "if it happens, it'll happen, if it doesn't, then it doesn't". It's no big deal. Moving on..." - that's a good way to deal with it. In the meantime, always make the most of yourself in every way you can, but do it for yourself. And just be open to people and stuff and generally be cool and good.

Offline Brian

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #55 on: August 26, 2016, 08:41:48 PM »
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I missed his post.
Oops, I missed that bit too, thanks.

Offline Mirror Image

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #56 on: August 26, 2016, 09:03:12 PM »
Kind of distraught MI has decided to abandon a romantic possibility without even a date - he listens to composers extensively before deciding he doesn't like them! What is the harm, what is the loss, in going on a date if it doesn't work out? At worst, you get a funny story - the same downside as when you listen to Bruch symphonies.  ;D

My girlfriend is 9 years older; a friend is dating a man 18 years older; my best friend married a partner 19 years older. Now, in those last cases, if they are still together at age 60/80, there will be practical challenges to face. But for now, it does not have a practical effect or detriment on their lives - except weird stares in public. Which most GMGers get anyway.  ;D

Maybe, John, you'll go out with her and find out she has a totally different worldview. Or maybe not. Only one way to find out. And in my experience, stuff like "you watched different movies as a kid" is a benefit - giving each other new experiences is even better than having shared memories. I'll always be grateful to my friend's 19-years-older husband for teaching us both about great wine and forcing us to watch Animaniacs reruns!

No reason to be distraught, my friend. I followed up with her about a possible date last week only to meet with the "I'm busy" response (I just happened to be off the same days as her last week). Anyway, we barely make eye contact now and I'm all the happier for it, because there's an apparent lack of chemistry (obviously). She said "yes" but then turns around and basically says "no." I really didn't want to play any more games with her, so I'm done. I'm actually hoping to meet an older woman (maybe 10 years older) that's not a gold digging harpy. :) I'm not too worried about it, though, because if something happens and I meet someone, then that's great, if I don't, I don't. If a woman genuinely wants to go out with me, then I'm for that, but I'm not going to be caught playing mind games. Feelings are something I don't toy around with and I'm someone who believes people should keep their word. If you agree to do something, you better do it, and, if not, then you better have a good reason as to why you've backed out of it. Honestly, I'm enjoying being single for now and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I don't get lonely, because I do, but I'm just enjoying my own company for now. I've always been a loner it seems and sometimes it's really not by choice. I suppose I'm not the kind of person that likes to mettle in other people's lives and keeps to themselves. In person, I'm also rather private and introspective. I'm much more interested in hearing someone else's thoughts about a subject rather than to reveal my own opinion. I've always considered myself someone who's not of our era, but most people probably just find me strange. :)

Edit: I see that I've already revealed she had 'plans'. Ignore the mindless, completely rambling post above. ^^^ :)
« Last Edit: August 26, 2016, 09:07:30 PM by Mirror Image »
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Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #57 on: August 31, 2016, 12:55:41 PM »
On Friday I'm going on a date with the nice former dancer lady. We're to see Kolesnikova with the St Petersburg Ballet in Swan Lake. And after that - who knows?

Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #58 on: September 04, 2016, 03:20:15 PM »
^^^ the date was last night.

I'm off to London tomorrow to do some work ( :o) for a while and so the nice dancer lady asked if/when something is going to happen between her and I. I took a chance and suggested we could think about it while I'm away. She was rightly annoyed by that. I can't expect her to keep waiting, but I'm not quite ready yet. So it's going to be a case of whatever happens will happen. I'll deal with it either way.

Offline Mirror Image

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #59 on: September 04, 2016, 07:44:30 PM »
What kind of dancer was she?
“When a man is in despair, it means that he still believes in something.” - Dmitri Shostakovich

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