Author Topic: Dating or not dating.  (Read 44515 times)

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Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #940 on: July 11, 2017, 11:25:59 AM »
Quite often when opening this thread there's a banner ad at the top the page which is for a dating site. And one of the phrases on it is "The woman will make the first move". Well, in real life the woman almost always makes the first move! You just need to learn how to recognise it. 8) Gain enough experience and from the outset you can frequently gauge when she's inviting your attention or has no interest in you at all. ;D
« Last Edit: July 11, 2017, 11:27:34 AM by NikF »
What doesn't kill you always makes you stronger - unless you were too weak to begin with, of course. Fact.

Offline jessop

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #941 on: July 11, 2017, 03:18:35 PM »
Quite often when opening this thread there's a banner ad at the top the page which is for a dating site. And one of the phrases on it is "The woman will make the first move". Well, in real life the woman almost always makes the first move! You just need to learn how to recognise it. 8) Gain enough experience and from the outset you can frequently gauge when she's inviting your attention or has no interest in you at all. ;D
It is easy enough to recognise for me because it has always been straightforward and verbal............  :-\

Offline opaquer

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #942 on: July 14, 2017, 08:10:18 PM »
Ok, no Nik I'm not dating again yet buuuttt:


Really, really, really, really strange coincidence just happened:

Just went for a walk, got a coffee. When I was waiting for a coffee I saw a girl (holding hands with some dude) that I was chatting up on Tinder last? month or so (the one with a killer sense of humor who shares my self-deprecating personality). So, looks like she's taken then  :laugh:
But anyway, I awkwardly ended up feeling like I was stalking her for ten minutes because we where both walking in the same direction (no, they disappeared somewhere and I kept going where I was going, blah blah). But essentially that "Hey, I know her" light-switch moment, connecting vague memories etc was a bit of a shock  ???


Having the sun out for once is amazing, it's still a little windy though  :-[

Offline opaquer

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #943 on: July 15, 2017, 10:46:53 PM »
Nik, I had the same Pizza girl again  :o

 :-* :-* :-*

Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #944 on: July 16, 2017, 02:07:43 AM »
It is easy enough to recognise for me because it has always been straightforward and verbal............  :-\

Good. That's the best way for it to be. :)

I'm referring more to the whining scenarios I hear about, like "I don't know if she likes me and if I should ask her out" and "I was sure she liked me so I asked her out but she rejected me". A lot of the time it's obvious when someone is interested or not, even before you speak with them. It's not a special skill or 'One Weird Trick!' It just takes the experience gained by being out and meeting people and interacting with them. But that takes effort and doesn't offer the instant and guaranteed reward delivered via posting on the echo chamber of Reddit about how unfair it all is.
What doesn't kill you always makes you stronger - unless you were too weak to begin with, of course. Fact.

Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #945 on: July 16, 2017, 02:11:08 AM »
Nik, I had the same Pizza girl again  :o

 :-* :-* :-*

Cool. Was the pizza better this time?  :laugh:

Despite the fact she was at work and probably in a hurry, did she give you a bit of chat or anything?

Or did you grab her, pull her close and give her a shake while looking into her eyes (lit by the 'Schuftan process', of course) and say "Listen up, doll, I'm crazy about you, you hear? And you're too good looking to be involved in a caper like this. I know it, you know it, and your dispatcher knows it. Let me take you away from it all, far from this minimum wage racket of analogue mozzarella and one size fits all uniform pantaloons. But there's a problem, because I don't want the pizza to get cold, see? So maybe come back, let's say, in 15 minutes? Yeah, 15 minutes is all I need IYKWIM...;)"?
What doesn't kill you always makes you stronger - unless you were too weak to begin with, of course. Fact.

Offline opaquer

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #946 on: July 16, 2017, 02:35:54 AM »
Cool. Was the pizza better this time?  :laugh:

Despite the fact she was at work and probably in a hurry, did she give you a bit of chat or anything?

Or did you grab her, pull her close and give her a shake while looking into her eyes (lit by the 'Schuftan process', of course) and say "Listen up, doll, I'm crazy about you, you hear? And you're too good looking to be involved in a caper like this. I know it, you know it, and your dispatcher knows it. Let me take you away from it all, far from this minimum wage racket of analogue mozzarella and one size fits all uniform pantaloons. But there's a problem, because I don't want the pizza to get cold, see? So maybe come back, let's say, in 15 minutes? Yeah, 15 minutes is all I need IYKWIM...;)"?

Yep, Pizza was great. Yep she was in a hurry but we moved another step up, we both smiled and looked in eachothers eyes for about 5-7 seconds before she handed me my pizza, then she smiled again and said something like "see ya" (I think) before she walked back to the delivery car/I shut the door.

I spent the whole entire time eating that pizza, just thinking about her gorgeous eyes.

I would assume you too have had those moments right?  :laugh:


She is so stunning (and she works about 15 minutes from where I live!), also when I was eating the pizza my female flatmate that I also sort of have the hots for (not too seriously of course) came out and heated up popcorn and was friendly and all (well she is some one I live with, so expectedly)


So that was a bit of a smile-inducing dinner tonight  :D :D  ;)

Offline opaquer

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #947 on: July 16, 2017, 02:37:39 AM »
grab her, pull her close and give her a shake while looking into her eyes (lit by the 'Schuftan process', of course) and say "Listen up, doll, I'm crazy about you, you hear? And you're too good looking to be involved in a caper like this. I know it, you know it, and your dispatcher knows it. Let me take you away from it all, far from this minimum wage racket of analogue mozzarella and one size fits all uniform pantaloons. But there's a problem, because I don't want the pizza to get cold, see? So maybe come back, let's say, in 15 minutes? Yeah, 15 minutes is all I need IYKWIM...;)"?

Dude, can I steal that?  :P That'd be perfect  :-*

Offline opaquer

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #948 on: July 16, 2017, 02:43:20 AM »
"Look darling, I don't make much, you don't make much. I want you, you want me. I'm tired of getting pizzas alone and writing oboe concertos for myself, I need your inspiration. Come with me darling, into my arms. You, the pizza, the oboe, lets flee this dreadful debt together and start a new life full of wonder and mysterious circumstances. I may be here, I may not. We will keep moving country, we will run from the law. We will be 2018s answer to Bonnie and Clyde. Whatcha say and give this weirdo a chance?"


 :D  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:  >:D  ;)

Offline jessop

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #949 on: July 16, 2017, 04:09:13 AM »
Good. That's the best way for it to be. :)

I'm referring more to the whining scenarios I hear about, like "I don't know if she likes me and if I should ask her out" and "I was sure she liked me so I asked her out but she rejected me". A lot of the time it's obvious when someone is interested or not, even before you speak with them. It's not a special skill or 'One Weird Trick!' It just takes the experience gained by being out and meeting people and interacting with them. But that takes effort and doesn't offer the instant and guaranteed reward delivered via posting on the echo chamber of Reddit about how unfair it all is.

Well, a simple ask has been my approach too. It's kinda weird to read of people whining about rejections when they were sure they were fancied by the other party in question.

I do have a story from last year I might share concerning this if anyone is interested.  It was an odd month and I'm so glad nothing came from it.....

Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #950 on: July 16, 2017, 07:42:46 AM »
Well, a simple ask has been my approach too. It's kinda weird to read of people whining about rejections when they were sure they were fancied by the other party in question.

Some people don't have the benefit of experience gained by going outside and talking with people and so the signs are useless to them. I think many of them are still governed by the types of thinking and social rules that were in place when they were in school, which was probably the last time they were forced to converse and associate with others.

Quote
I do have a story from last year I might share concerning this if anyone is interested.  It was an odd month and I'm so glad nothing came from it.....

I'd be interested to hear it. And I'm sure others would too. :)
What doesn't kill you always makes you stronger - unless you were too weak to begin with, of course. Fact.

Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #951 on: July 16, 2017, 07:54:06 AM »
"Look darling, I don't make much, you don't make much. I want you, you want me. I'm tired of getting pizzas alone and writing oboe concertos for myself, I need your inspiration. Come with me darling, into my arms. You, the pizza, the oboe, lets flee this dreadful debt together and start a new life full of wonder and mysterious circumstances. I may be here, I may not. We will keep moving country, we will run from the law. We will be 2018s answer to Bonnie and Clyde. Whatcha say and give this weirdo a chance?"


 :D  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:  >:D  ;)

 :laugh:

Yeah, that's it.  ;D

"I looked out and low to the street and she was there waiting behind the wheel of her car, just like she promised, her kewpie features turned up to my window as she first flashed her headlights and then her eyes to signal me forward and down. I went to my mirror, looked at the timeline of my scarred and worn face as I straightened my tie and tilted my hat and tried to make myself go cross-eyed but failed. Damn.
Then I cautiously stepped out my room, quietly closing the door behind me and with a quick check for unwanted visitors/insurance salesman lurking in the shadows I took the stairs two at a time, but no more than that because I wanted to appear cool, relaxed, unhurried and in control, a man she could rely on. And so on reaching the ground floor landing I stood that way, framed that way in the doorway for a moment to (expose for the shadows and) present her a picture of repose she would never forget...but her dollface got only a dolly zoom as I stifled a scream and ran back up the stairs three at a time, because the night air had reminded me of a horrible truth, that I'd forgot to put any trousers on.
Maybe no one noticed? Maybe I'd get away with it? Maybe it was more acceptable in this part of town to wear boxer shorts which feature a caricature of a smiling Clara Schumann saying "Herein, my favourite trio to play with."
What doesn't kill you always makes you stronger - unless you were too weak to begin with, of course. Fact.

Contemporaryclassical

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Dating or not dating.
« Reply #952 on: July 17, 2017, 06:09:55 PM »
Ok forum, I'm not dating  :laugh: (I'm already married)

But anyway, I took my wife to the cinema and had a romantic dining out last night. Don't know why I'm sharing but I guess my wife and I are quite busy people so we don't get to do a lot together  :(

The last time we went "out" was about two months ago to a concert with Beethoven, Webern ( :D ) and Bartok, we both enjoyed it immensely.

It made me very happy finally getting to spend some quality time out rather than just seeing her before going to sleep like usual  >:(

Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #953 on: July 18, 2017, 03:13:30 AM »
Ok forum, I'm not dating  :laugh: (I'm already married)

But anyway, I took my wife to the cinema and had a romantic dining out last night. Don't know why I'm sharing but I guess my wife and I are quite busy people so we don't get to do a lot together  :(

The last time we went "out" was about two months ago to a concert with Beethoven, Webern ( :D ) and Bartok, we both enjoyed it immensely.

It made me very happy finally getting to spend some quality time out rather than just seeing her before going to sleep like usual  >:(

It's cool that you got to spend such time with your wife.  8) Good stuff.
And because it was a date of sorts it certainly fits in with this thread. :)
What doesn't kill you always makes you stronger - unless you were too weak to begin with, of course. Fact.

Contemporaryclassical

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #954 on: July 18, 2017, 03:38:32 AM »
It's cool that you got to spend such time with your wife.  8) Good stuff.
And because it was a date of sorts it certainly fits in with this thread. :)

Tonight I'm on my own again, she has an overnight job (she works in healthcare)  :( but at least it brings in pay.

As I do, I've been chiseling at a rocking chair I've been redoing while I listen to this recent acquire:



I still have finishing to apply to the chair but it is looking ten times how it used to look.

Oh and more Brexit news  :laugh:

Offline NikF

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #955 on: July 18, 2017, 04:14:58 AM »
Tonight I'm on my own again, she has an overnight job (she works in healthcare)  :( but at least it brings in pay.

As I do, I've been chiseling at a rocking chair I've been redoing while I listen to this recent acquire:



I still have finishing to apply to the chair but it is looking ten times how it used to look.

Oh and more Brexit news  :laugh:

That sounds an interesting and fulfilling project. Let us see or know the end results? :)
I've replaced some of the floorboards in my house before I sell it. They're oak and a couple of the pieces are suitable to do something with. So if I have time I'm thinking of making a little box to contain all my shoe polishing equipment - I like keeping my boots and shoes looking great in any case, but (and to keep this on topic ;D) women comment favourably or check them out quite often. 8)
What doesn't kill you always makes you stronger - unless you were too weak to begin with, of course. Fact.

Offline opaquer

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #956 on: July 27, 2017, 09:36:49 PM »
Ok, I'm not dating yet but there is this girl  ;)

Not much to say yet but this girl I was sitting next to in my last lecture yesterday gave me a very sort of unsubtle look and smile when I was collecting the people in my row's papers from the test we did. My first port-of-call on Tuesday when I have my next lecture (unless she is in my first 'tutorial' group which starts on Monday), is to introduce myself and try and make some impression on her. Considering the look she gave me from that brief moment, I have somewhere to start  8)

Offline opaquer

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #957 on: July 27, 2017, 09:39:20 PM »
It seems as though this trimester has a better chance to both meet a someone and just make friends in general and seeing as the subjects are on things I have been passionate about for years, both as a teenager and now as an adult, I think that I'll have a great advantage of being able to latch onto the people the like what we're studying  8)  ;)

Offline jessop

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #958 on: July 30, 2017, 04:14:34 AM »
I'd be interested to hear it. And I'm sure others would too. :)

Okay then. I am quite happy to share, although my story will certainly not be as well written as the ones by NikF.

I ought to improve my writing skills some day though.

Last year I had a rather rough time with a breakup around February, after a summer filled with emotional roller-coaster rides, and as I was just about to embark on my first year as a tertiary music student. I felt a quite distant, unable to make meaningful connections with the people who were my closest friends and any new friends I made that year were not friendships that would last for very long. Each year, the state puts on a showcase of the highest scoring high school students in the various media, music, dance, art and drama subjects and at the very end a few of the acts that fell within the heading of 'performing arts' would get a repeat performance for some reason. Probably because the people in charge liked what they saw, and usually they wanted to showcase anything that was a bit 'unusual'.  I guess they would have counted composition as well, because they asked me to come and prepare my piece for that performance as well as a piece composed by a student from a smaller regional city. There had already been a concert featuring compositions by the top students of any music subject for which they could compose a piece of music, and our compositions had been performed a couple of months prior to this final showcase. I will refer to her as M.

M had been accepted into a different music school here in Melbourne, also studying composition, and she was both a remarkable composer and an excellent violinist, particularly when it came to Baroque violin music. She had also been studying Indonesian language and music for a number of years, and gamelan was something which was particularly influential in her compositional style. In the weeks leading up to the final performance of our compositions I didn't really show much interest in anything apart from organising a new lineup of musicians and rehearsing with them (only the original harpsichordist and guitarist were available, organising new cellists was a nightmare since one broke up with me and another couldn't make the concert). What has been interesting to look back on was my rather unemotional behaviour at this point in time; I absolutely have no clue why M approached me or why we began to talk to one another and exchange contact details, but ultimately we did, and I think in some ways this helped me to adjust to everything that was new to me that year simply by having someone to talk to a bit more regularly.

M said she wanted to go out with me. I was taken aback. What was rather lucky for me was that I had two tickets (i got for free, i seem to usually have some luck in getting free tickets to things) to a concert that was part of the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra's annual new music festival. M had a real interest in music by people like Xenakis, Bartk, Lachenmann, Rodrigo, Boulez, Carter......basically the 20th and 21st centuries and particularly the avant-garde, so it seemed rather fitting to go see a few concerts featuring world premieres. We did this a few times. Between these outings, which were probably dates, but I was still quite unsure of myself, we would still end up meeting for coffees and talking to one another. M always came across as someone who was very accommodating and understanding when it came to how I felt about going out and the kind of things we would discuss. She would tell me to just go with flow and just do what feels right to me, as she did what felt right to her. Perhaps what made me less and less comfortable was that she wanted some kind of relationship that I didn't feel ready for at this point in the year, having been through a difficult breakup less than four months previously. I thoroughly enjoyed discussing things like culture, composition, music and language with her, but when it came to adding humour into our conversations, when it came to making jokes, I didn't feel like myself any more. It was as if I was trying to be someone I wasn't. She was cynical and sarcastic and blunt, and I am not. I began hiding parts of my personality from her which I was sure at the time she had no interest in. After a short while, the idea of even meeting up felt like a burden I would try to avoid at all costs. Once I recognised this, I told her as soon as I could that I would prefer not to enter into a relationship because I was feeling uncomfortable, still trying to cope with a previous breakup, not feeling myself, finding it difficult to relate to others in any meaningful way at all and I would have been a complete and utter let down to her if I continued going along with what she wanted any more. She called be a 'cunt' and blocked me from being able to contact her. Contacting her again wasn't something I particularly wanted to do anyway, but I was felt rather refreshed again after a while and I took the whole experience as something to learn from, something not to repeat again. I am most grateful that there was nothing intimate that came between us.

During this time, particularly when I was recognising my discomfort towards the end, I actually did begin to feel closer to three women, two I had known since school and one who offered to play cello in my composition in the final concert. All three of them had interesting stories regarding dating and relationships, and all three were attracted to other women as well coincidentally. I was extremely glad that with these friends I could open up and talk about how I had been feeling, share stories and receive advice from their own experience. I am still very good friends particularly with the one who played cello in my composition.

Fast forward to today: I do indeed have a few things organised in the coming weeks that I will do with a wonderful and inspiring woman from Munich. I have an incredibly strong feeling that there is no one with whom I will have ever felt more comfortable. I am so happy.

Offline opaquer

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Re: Dating or not dating.
« Reply #959 on: July 31, 2017, 04:09:28 PM »
(singing) That girl you need gonna knock  you off your feet
That girl, that girl, that girl you need
That girl, that girl, that girl you need  8)
« Last Edit: July 31, 2017, 04:12:16 PM by α | »

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