Author Topic: Valentine's Day?  (Read 1282 times)

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Offline amw

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #20 on: February 14, 2019, 04:38:41 AM »
You're right. And sadly there are guys out there for who consider the latter example not only natural, but also romantic. They don't get it at all. As ever, I think it's down to lack of experience - not just with women, but generally in social matters - which is a pity.
I think a lot of it is just not caring enough about other people's boundaries.... or even noticing whether or not they have them. Sort of like all the guys who think messaging women photos of their dicks on dating apps is a winning move—like, if you wouldn't whip it out when trying to hit on a woman in person, don't do it on Tinder either. (And if you would whip it out when trying to hit on a woman in person.... I mean that's not a great sign either to be totally honest)

I mean the key is not being self centred and having empathy for other people honestly.

Anyway I've never done anything special to mark valentines day, even when I've been with a partner at the time (except for giving like a nice romantic message or card or something), but I think that's just cultural—a lot of Jews don't because there's a Jewish version which falls at a different time on the calendar and my family personally doesn't because it's my parents' anniversary a few days before V-day so they have their celebrations then instead, lol.

NikF4

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #21 on: February 14, 2019, 05:07:45 AM »
I think a lot of it is just not caring enough about other people's boundaries.... or even noticing whether or not they have them. Sort of like all the guys who think messaging women photos of their dicks on dating apps is a winning move—like, if you wouldn't whip it out when trying to hit on a woman in person, don't do it on Tinder either. (And if you would whip it out when trying to hit on a woman in person.... I mean that's not a great sign either to be totally honest)

I mean the key is not being self centred and having empathy for other people honestly.

Anyway I've never done anything special to mark valentines day, even when I've been with a partner at the time (except for giving like a nice romantic message or card or something), but I think that's just cultural—a lot of Jews don't because there's a Jewish version which falls at a different time on the calendar and my family personally doesn't because it's my parents' anniversary a few days before V-day so they have their celebrations then instead, lol.

I'm not a mind reader and so can't say for sure when a woman is 100% open to my approach, although I can usually tell if she is and by the same token if she isn't. But that's a problem for a lot of guys. Lack of real life interaction means they never learn to read the social cues. Then online echo chambers have whole communities that encourage ideas such as all women being the same and part of a female hive mind. The result means any of the social cues become reduced almost to a list which assures 'if she shows three out of these five behaviours - she's interested!' But they fail to grasp that even if she was initially interested her mind could change, perhaps on a whim. And here's the kicker - they can't deal with the fact they're not entitled to a reason or an explanation.

Dick pics - that behaviour is repugnant.

Lack of empathy for others - certainly. And I believe that comes from immaturity. They dislike their behaviour being questioned, which means they never have opportunity to learn from their mistakes.

Jewish version of valentine's day - I'd no idea about that. Interesting, as is Rinaldo's account of the change in the culture of the Czech Republic.

tl;dr I blame Reddit.  ;D

NikF4

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #22 on: February 14, 2019, 05:38:14 AM »
To lighten things a little, here's another question for a bit of fun. If you could receive a valentine from anyone in history, who would it be? In fact, feel free to make it one real life person and one fictional.




Real life: Evelyn Nesbit - intelligent, attractive, womanly, adept at doing stuff on a red velvet swing.



Fiction: Juliet Capulet - I'd wait until she's 16 and then come a courting and whistle the entirety of Prokofiev's ballet to her, telling her its a little something I wrote during the bus ride on the way over. She'd fall in love with me and not the cowardly wimp of a manchild that's Romeo.
(The photo shows my favourite ballet Juliet - Alessandra Ferri)


e:
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/3Xg6r9cxd1w" target="_blank" class="new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/3Xg6r9cxd1w</a>
« Last Edit: February 14, 2019, 06:31:19 AM by NikF4 »

Offline amw

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #23 on: February 14, 2019, 05:50:19 AM »
This being a classical music-themed board, I'll go with

also a pretty good pianist imo

Decision on a fictional character to come later
« Last Edit: February 14, 2019, 05:57:52 AM by amw »

Offline Mirror Image

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #24 on: February 14, 2019, 07:05:35 AM »
I understand you're not asking for advice, so this is just me thinking aloud.  :laugh:

In the past I've dated women I work with, but only because we worked together for an afternoon or day at a time. If it had been regular every day work colleagues I probably wouldn't.
As for the secret admirer stuff, I never do that. amw puts it well "we don't know each other that well but I think you're really nice/beautiful/whatever and if you want to get coffee sometime heres my number" - and if possible, I'd say it rather than send it.

But this year I'm neither saying or sending anything. Three years ago a long term relationship ended and despite dating and having flings it's only in the past six months or so I've really felt like getting on with things. And apparently I've still enough charm to occasionally have women approach me, but I'm in no hurry and so Valentine stuff can wait.

Anyway, if you ask her out I hope it goes well.

I always welcome your suggestions, Nik. Yeah, the secret admirer stuff never goes down well as its really the most impersonal thing one can do to show someone you like them. I also believe it’s just better to say how you feel rather than hide behind some flowers and chocolates. Being single can be a lonely existence at times, but other times, I find it quite liberating. I don’t have to call anyone, answer to anyone, and just do what I want without being bogged down by someone else, but I do know that, ultimately, I’d like to find a woman that I can have a long-term relationship with as I believe that companionship can truly bring you a lot of happiness, but, like you, I’ve been in one before and know that there can be a lot of pain left behind if the relationship ever heads south. But, I guess I’m an optimist and hope something good is going to happen. Hopefully, it will for you as well.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Nik. 8)
« Last Edit: February 14, 2019, 07:08:18 AM by Mirror Image »
“Works of art make rules; rules do not make works of art.” - Claude Debussy

NikF4

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #25 on: February 14, 2019, 07:18:22 AM »
I always welcome your suggestions, Nik. Yeah, the secret admirer stuff never goes down well as its really the most impersonal thing one can do to show someone you like them. I also believe it’s just better to say how you feel rather than hide behind some flowers and chocolates. Being single can be a lonely existence at times, but other times, I find it quite liberating. I don’t have to call anyone, answer to anyone, and just do what I want without being bogged down by someone else, but I do know that, ultimately, I’d like to find a woman that I can have a long-term relationship with as I believe that companionship can truly bring you a lot of happiness, but, like you, I’ve been in one before and know that there can be a lot of pain left behind if the relationship ever heads south. But, I guess I’m an optimist and hope something good is going to happen. Hopefully, it will for you as well.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Nik. 8)

Thanks, pal. Same to you.  :)

Offline vandermolen

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #26 on: February 14, 2019, 08:09:05 AM »
I’m thinking about sending a woman at work tomorrow a ‘secret admirer’ bouquet of flowers. I’m not sure how she’ll respond as I think she’s rather inexperienced with the opposite sex (she’s 25, but seems rather sheltered) and, of course, I’m older than her (will be 37 in March), but, what can I say, I’m a horn dog. :P

Edit: Or I could just sit home and do this...

Pinky: What are we going to do tonight?
Brain: Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Stay home and listen to Debussy.


Go for it John!
 :)
"Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm" (Churchill).

Offline greg

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #27 on: February 14, 2019, 09:28:26 AM »
I wish we would exchange cards at work, but we're not in 3rd grade any more.  :-\

Also i used to have romantic feelings towards some girls but so long ago and I'm not sure if I've lost that sense completely since i can't imagine getting that way again, so even more so nowadays i don't quite understand this holiday.
Wagie wagie get back in the cagie

Online drogulus

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #28 on: February 14, 2019, 11:26:51 AM »

     I got a card yesterday from Someone. She usually has some kind of animal on the card. This time it was a dog. Sometimes it's a tortoise, in honor of the fact that we're old and tortoise-like in a spiritual sense.
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NikF4

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #29 on: February 14, 2019, 12:23:48 PM »
     I got a card yesterday from Someone. She usually has some kind of animal on the card. This time it was a dog. Sometimes it's a tortoise, in honor of the fact that we're old and tortoise-like in a spiritual sense.

Cool. At least one person in the thread received a card.  ;D
Did you send one in return?

Ghost of Baron Scarpia

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #30 on: February 14, 2019, 01:18:17 PM »
Go for it John!
 :)

Would always encourage reaching out, but I think of Valentine's day as an excuse to ham it up with an existing romantic other, not so much as an occasion to initiate a new relationship. Just being Valentine's day ratchets up the expectations.

Offline vandermolen

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #31 on: February 14, 2019, 01:30:09 PM »
Would always encourage reaching out, but I think of Valentine's day as an excuse to ham it up with an existing romantic other, not so much as an occasion to initiate a new relationship. Just being Valentine's day ratchets up the expectations.
Fair enough.
"Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm" (Churchill).

Online drogulus

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #32 on: February 14, 2019, 01:31:13 PM »
Cool. At least one person in the thread received a card.  ;D
Did you send one in return?

     No, I'm thinking about getting her some high powered chocolates so I can eat them. She can have some, too.
« Last Edit: February 14, 2019, 01:39:02 PM by drogulus »
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Offline vandermolen

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #33 on: February 14, 2019, 01:34:57 PM »
My wife and I always exchange cards. The cards in the shop are naff so we usually send less conventional ones. Tonight we went to the pub and had a few drinks.
 :)
"Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm" (Churchill).

Offline Mirror Image

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #34 on: February 14, 2019, 08:17:02 PM »
Thanks, pal. Same to you.  :)

Thank you, Nik. 8)

Go for it John!
 :)

Well, it turns out I didn’t go for it, but I’ll tell her soon enough. She’s an incredibly intelligent woman and also has an aptitude for music, which is certainly a welcome bonus!

My wife and I always exchange cards. The cards in the shop are naff so we usually send less conventional ones. Tonight we went to the pub and had a few drinks.
 :)

Great stuff, Jeffrey. I hope to be able to have what you have one day.
« Last Edit: February 14, 2019, 08:26:21 PM by Mirror Image »
“Works of art make rules; rules do not make works of art.” - Claude Debussy

Offline vandermolen

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #35 on: February 14, 2019, 10:48:18 PM »
Thank you, Nik. 8)

Well, it turns out I didn’t go for it, but I’ll tell her soon enough. She’s an incredibly intelligent woman and also has an aptitude for music, which is certainly a welcome bonus!

Great stuff, Jeffrey. I hope to be able to have what you have one day.

Hope things work out well for you John. I think that my wife and I have always given cards even if we are not speaking to each other!
 8)
"Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm" (Churchill).

Offline Rinaldo

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #36 on: February 15, 2019, 06:57:04 AM »
To lighten things a little, here's another question for a bit of fun. If you could receive a valentine from anyone in history, who would it be? In fact, feel free to make it one real life person and one fictional.

Hah, my choice ticks both boxes I guess.


NikF4

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #37 on: February 15, 2019, 08:58:32 AM »
Hah, my choice ticks both boxes I guess.



A rare and interesting choice.  ;D  8)

Offline Rinaldo

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #38 on: February 15, 2019, 10:38:49 AM »
A rare and interesting choice.  ;D  8)

"Nefertiti is shown appearing behind her husband the Pharaoh in offering scenes in the role of the queen supporting her husband, but she is also depicted in scenes that would have normally been the prerogative of the king. She is shown smiting the enemy, and captive enemies decorate her throne."

What's not to love?

NikF4

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Re: Valentine's Day?
« Reply #39 on: February 16, 2019, 07:42:36 PM »
No valentine cards for me this year, but an invite was forthcoming and so last night -

Tchaikovsky: Romeo and Juliet Fantasy Overture
Rachmaninov: Piano Concerto No2
Prokofiev: Romeo and Juliet Suite No1
Prokofiev: Romeo and Juliet Suite No2

Royal Scottish National Orchestra
Elim Chan: Conductor 
Lukas Vondracek: Piano