GMG Classical Music Forum

The Back Room => The Diner => Topic started by: NikF on August 05, 2016, 05:43:46 AM

Title: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 05, 2016, 05:43:46 AM
There a tl;dr at the end of this post.

Dating seems the same to me no matter what age I am or what the Internet tells me has changed about it.

*edit*
If you read this first post when the thread was started you might remember it spoke of my relationship with Toots McG ending, and how despite not being ready to date yet I saw and approached and got the number of a nice dancer. The dancer and I ended up dating for a while, but for a number of reasons I allowed it to fade out. Since then she's got in touch with me again. And to cut an already long story short, she will be posting (or at least lurking) here in the forum due to her knowledge of ballet music and her career dancing to it as part of a professional ballet company. So frankly, I'm removing all the incriminating evidence that was originally contained in this first post. ;D Everything else can stay, because she needs to see and know me 'warts and all" and that really, I regret none of it.  :laugh:  8)


*end of edit*



tl;dr I met a nice dancer lady as a result of me having a big mouth.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 05, 2016, 02:36:49 PM
Well, I'm proud for you and I hope things go well with this blonde haired woman who seems cool. I have a bit of a dilemma myself (I really shouldn't call it a dilemma), but the PA (Physician's Assistant) at the urology office I've been frequenting these past few months has me quite smitten. She's not my doctor, but she did do a pre-op with me last week and this was my first encounter with her. I was utterly charmed. No ring on her finger and I was hoping to see her today as I needed my doctor to release me so I can start back work, but to no avail I didn't see her. Anyway, she's my type and I did a bit of Facebook stalking (I know I'm a bad boy) and it turns out she's a classical fan. Also, let's say I ask her out and she says "yes," I wonder if this would violate the whole doctor/patient thing? I suppose it wouldn't since I'm not her patient. I really hope I get to see her again and I'd love for her to accompany to see the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra perform. If I can get something happening by September-October, I'll be good as statistically these are the months I do the best in as far as scoring dates. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 06, 2016, 03:13:09 AM
Any idea why you have more success in getting dates within those months? In any case, if/when you ask her out I hope it works out for you.

I'm kind of reticent to ask someone out when they're at work. I only ever do so when I'm sure they've an interest in me other than any interest they're required to show that's part of their job description, although it's impossible to always be 100% certain about that. Still, over the years I've managed to call it right and then get the number of someone who has been working.
e: but like I said, I have a big mouth.  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on August 06, 2016, 03:59:41 AM
Quote from: NikF on August 05, 2016, 05:43:46 AM
My girlfriend and I parted in mid-June

Toots is gone? Sorry to hear that...well, I suppose I shouldn't offer condolence since I don't know the circumstances. Maybe you're happy about the break-up. In any case I have nothing to offer about the current dating scene. I last asked a women out 41 years ago. I'm a bit rusty. I can confirm, though, that having a "big mouth" is essential in this pursuit. Always helped me  ;D

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 06, 2016, 04:42:38 AM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on August 06, 2016, 03:59:41 AM
Toots is gone? Sorry to hear that...well, I suppose I shouldn't offer condolence since I don't know the circumstances. Maybe you're happy about the break-up. In any case I have nothing to offer about the current dating scene. I last asked a women out 41 years ago. I'm a bit rusty. I can confirm, though, that having a "big mouth" is essential in this pursuit. Always helped me  ;D

Sarge

Thanks, Sarge. Yeah, we split up. It was as friendly and amicable as could be hoped for. But it was still awful, you know?
In the end it was the age difference. We'd agreed that when she finished her studies (she's now Toots McGams LLB, LLM   :D ) we'd look again at the idea of starting a family. I feel too old to be a father. But I don't want to stop her being a mother. She's a good person.
As far as I know she's moving to Denmark full time and has already signed with a modelling agency there.

QuoteI can confirm, though, that having a "big mouth" is essential in this pursuit. Always helped me  ;D

Sarge

I get the impression you know where it's at. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 06, 2016, 06:00:13 AM
Quote from: NikF on August 06, 2016, 03:13:09 AM
Any idea why you have more success in getting dates within those months? In any case, if/when you ask her out I hope it works out for you.

I'm kind of reticent to ask someone out when they're at work. I only ever do so when I'm sure they've an interest in me other than any interest they're required to show that's part of their job description, although it's impossible to always be 100% certain about that. Still, over the years I've managed to call it right and then get the number of someone who has been working.
e: but like I said, I have a big mouth.  ;D

Thanks, NikF. I couldn't tell you why I have more success in September and October. I suppose the cooling down ignites something more fiery inside of me? :) I just love the transition from summer to winter and that's why I suppose I love the feel of autumn. It's like you know you have find someone quick before winter gets so you'll have someone to snuggle up with. ;D About your big mouth, this could be a blessing and a curse at the same time. I could see how it could get you into a heated argument, but, at the same time, it also can score you a date. I should really take up your example. Good luck with this blonde haired woman. I hope it works out for you and you find someone that you can grow with.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: The new erato on August 06, 2016, 06:16:28 AM
Anything to do with less sweating in fall? :-\
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 06, 2016, 06:23:41 AM
Quote from: The new erato on August 06, 2016, 06:16:28 AM
Anything to do with less sweating in fall? :-\

Could very well be the case. Our autumns and winters here are relatively mild compared to the arctic blasts they get from up north, but I do like the cool temperatures. My ideal temperature is 7℃ with just a little wind chill. Just cool enough to put on a fleece jacket.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 06, 2016, 07:06:41 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on August 06, 2016, 06:00:13 AM
I couldn't tell you why I have more success in September and October. I suppose the cooling down ignites something more fiery inside of me? :) I just love the transition from summer to winter and that's why I suppose I love the feel of autumn. It's like you know you have find someone quick before winter gets so you'll have someone to snuggle up with ;D

Funny you should say that about autumn, because one way or another I'm thinking this will be my first year of fully listening to (and having more appreciation for) autumnal Brahms. Then, as it gets colder perhaps I'll move on to Martinu. Finally for Xmas, it'll be shared between Tchaikovsky and Prokofiev. ;D

As for my big mouth, I don't know how Sarge got his (or if he was simply born with it  ;D ) but mine started when I was about 16. My boss at the studio I worked in used to ask if I'd finished all I had to do for the day and if I said yes he'd hand me a camera and say "40 exposures (we rolled our own) go stand outside and photograph people". My first year or so went like this -

*Nervously approaches a passerby and mumbles*
"Uh...'scuse me but uh...my boss sent me down here because he's a photographer up there *point to studio* and er...I'm learning to be a photographer and um...he said I've to take photos of people who I don't know and so can I take your photo please but it's okay if you don't want me to  :-["

My big mouth develops and one year later -
*Sings to self and approaches a passerby - most often a woman and says*
"Hello. My name's Nik and I'm a photographer - and you look great. So I'd like to take your photo right now. How you feel about that?"
;D
Then again, while stopping short of being that guy who talks to everyone he passes and is always happy - too happy - I've often a word for people I meet. If an old lady and her dog are walking through the park I say hello to them both, individually. And it's cool if a pretty girl walks past and you can say "That's a lovely colour" sincerely about something she's wearing, without hitting on her. Even a guy walking past in a suit gets a nod that says "You look sharp".
And the best thing is, when people know you're genuine then more often than not it comes back at you as a smile or the person walking a little taller or something. It's cool.
e: yeah, so get a big mouth. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 12, 2016, 06:03:07 AM
I've downloaded and installed the Tinder app. It requires a Facebook page and so I started a new one. This could be interesting.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 06:49:54 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on August 05, 2016, 02:36:49 PM
Well, I'm proud for you and I hope things go well with this blonde haired woman who seems cool. I have a bit of a dilemma myself (I really shouldn't call it a dilemma), but the PA (Physician's Assistant) at the urology office I've been frequenting these past few months has me quite smitten. She's not my doctor, but she did do a pre-op with me last week and this was my first encounter with her.

If nothing else, she will be aware of your assets.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 12, 2016, 06:57:52 AM
Quote from: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 06:49:54 AM
If nothing else, she will be aware of your assets.

;D Well, she actually didn't see anything. The urologist I frequent, however, knows the story there. ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on August 12, 2016, 07:27:49 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on August 05, 2016, 02:36:49 PM
If I can get something happening by September-October, I'll be good as statistically these are the months I do the best in as far as scoring dates. Keeping my fingers crossed.
Quote from: Mirror Image on August 06, 2016, 06:00:13 AM
I couldn't tell you why I have more success in September and October. I suppose the cooling down ignites something more fiery inside of me? :) I just love the transition from summer to winter and that's why I suppose I love the feel of autumn. It's like you know you have find someone quick before winter gets so you'll have someone to snuggle up with. ;D
All due respect - I laughed out loud at these posts. There's just something faintly ridiculous about this idea, I guess? I've started dating people in, uh, June, June, April, and May, so ... does that mean spring is my thing? Never once have I thought of it that way before. And this is in Texas where it's so darn hot that even sitting next to someone gets unbearable. Thank goodness for air-conditioning.

Quote from: NikF on August 12, 2016, 06:03:07 AM
I've downloaded and installed the Tinder app. It requires a Facebook page and so I started a new one. This could be interesting.

Wednesday I got together with a couple good friends. One of us is single and on Tinder, and he generously let the other two of us do the swiping for him. He has a couple of dates in the next week with girls who look cool, but he is gonna get in trouble soon, because his main photo is him cuddling a friend's dog, and all the girls on Tinder think it's his dog. False advertising...

Quote from: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 06:49:54 AM
If nothing else, she will be aware of your assets.

This thread is gonna be so great.

-

Anyway, I have been dating someone for a month and a half and it's been going pretty well. She has a PhD and a house with a fig tree, and we're talking about getting Dallas Symphony season tickets together. No complaints!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on August 12, 2016, 07:32:57 AM
Circling back around to ask Mirror Image: surely you're not delaying to ask her out until you reach Sept/Oct? Surely you'll act at the next good opportunity? Delaying really increases the chances something will go amiss. I mean, timing is kind of on my mind right now, because my girlfriend lived in my apartment building for two years and I only got to ask her out literally the day she moved out.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 11:01:50 AM
Quote from: Brian on August 12, 2016, 07:27:49 AM
Anyway, I have been dating someone for a month and a half and it's been going pretty well. She has a PhD and a house with a fig tree . . . .

Sounds good. It's not every day you get a fig tree.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on August 12, 2016, 11:10:52 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on August 12, 2016, 06:57:52 AM
;D Well, she actually didn't see anything. The urologist I frequent, however, knows the story there. ;)

She's heard the rumors.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on August 12, 2016, 11:34:48 AM
Quote from: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 11:01:50 AM
Sounds good. It's not every day you get a fig tree.
If you have a fig tree, though, it is every day that you get 14+ ounces of figs. She once picked 7 pounds in 5 days.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 11:39:10 AM
Quote from: Brian on August 12, 2016, 11:34:48 AM
If you have a fig tree, though, it is every day that you get 14+ ounces of figs. She once picked 7 pounds in 5 days.

Then please share some with your friends, as well as the leaves in case they have any nude statues or paintings lying about.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Parsifal on August 12, 2016, 11:40:57 AM
Quote from: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 11:01:50 AM
Sounds good. It's not every day you get a fig tree.

Better to date a girl who has a raspberry bush.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 12:02:30 PM
Quote from: Scarpia on August 12, 2016, 11:40:57 AM
Better to date a girl who has a raspberry bush.

(I swear I typed that before it occurred to me that it could be interpreted more than one way.)
:o

Should have left it as it was, then; much more witty. Never apologize for your best jokes.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on August 12, 2016, 12:04:26 PM
Quote from: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 11:39:10 AM
Then please share some with your friends, as well as the leaves in case they have any nude statues or paintings lying about.
We all got jars of fig jam, too. But not leaves. The Texas government confiscated those for its paintings.

Quote from: Scarpia on August 12, 2016, 11:40:57 AM
Better to date a girl who has a raspberry bush.

(http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/03/Oh-my-GIF.gif?gs=a)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 12:12:07 PM
And you guys wonder why so few women haunt this forum . . . .
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Parsifal on August 12, 2016, 12:14:05 PM
Quote from: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 12:02:30 PM
Should have left it as it was, then; much more witty. Never apologize for your best jokes.

good advice, done. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Wanderer on August 12, 2016, 02:13:02 PM
Quote from: Brian on August 12, 2016, 07:27:49 AM
She has a house with a fig tree.

What kind of figs? White, black, green?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Wanderer on August 12, 2016, 02:22:24 PM
Quote from: Scarpia on August 12, 2016, 11:40:57 AM
Better to date a girl who has a raspberry bush.

:o

(https://res.cloudinary.com/jpress/image/fetch/https://www.wow247.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/tumblr_inline_nbg7exBEe71qckggs.gif)


This thread is awesome.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 05:58:15 PM
Quote from: Wanderer on August 12, 2016, 02:13:02 PM
What kind of figs? White, black, green?

I don't give a fig.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 12, 2016, 07:29:42 PM
Quote from: Brian on August 12, 2016, 07:27:49 AM
All due respect - I laughed out loud at these posts. There's just something faintly ridiculous about this idea, I guess? I've started dating people in, uh, June, June, April, and May, so ... does that mean spring is my thing? Never once have I thought of it that way before. And this is in Texas where it's so darn hot that even sitting next to someone gets unbearable. Thank goodness for air-conditioning.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's so true! I do better when there's a nip of coldness in the air. (Waits for endless parade of jokes at my expense.) ;D

Quote from: Brian on August 12, 2016, 07:27:49 AMAnyway, I have been dating someone for a month and a half and it's been going pretty well. She has a PhD and a house with a fig tree, and we're talking about getting Dallas Symphony season tickets together. No complaints!

This is great to read, Brian. I hope things go well for both of you.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 12, 2016, 07:31:23 PM
Quote from: Ken B on August 12, 2016, 11:10:52 AM
She's heard the rumors.

:P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 12, 2016, 07:36:56 PM
Quote from: Scarpia on August 12, 2016, 11:40:57 AM
Better to date a girl who has a raspberry bush.

(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KSB6lZfHL0k/UX-itoraKeI/AAAAAAAALh0/to-I16Zl_84/s1600/Ricky-Gervais.gif)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: snyprrr on August 13, 2016, 08:22:20 AM
Quote from: (poco) Sforzando on August 12, 2016, 12:12:07 PM
And you guys wonder why so few women haunt this forum . . . .

This is a concern?


NO GURLZ ALLOYED!!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 13, 2016, 08:31:45 AM
Quote from: Brian on August 12, 2016, 07:27:49 AM

-

Anyway, I have been dating someone for a month and a half and it's been going pretty well. She has a PhD and a house with a fig tree, and we're talking about getting Dallas Symphony season tickets together. No complaints!

Cool. Enjoy it. And no matter what, remember to keep breathing.


Okay, Tindr update. My approach is less than thoughtful and consists of swiping right on every profile until I can no longer do so. I returned to it later and began sifting for prizes...
The results: the vast majority have been bots, which I expected. And I wished I knew how to screencap on my new elite deluxe a-go-go cellphone, because I amused myself by trying to engage a bot in a discussion about Mahler. Sadly, whatever database they're using isn't big enough yet and the only on topic reply was 'me too!' and then a URL where I could buy a speaker to use in my shower.
A few other replies, from humans. One seemed okay, but she ended the conversation abruptly because I'm well under six foot tall. Another one was skilled at the ol' myspace angle - the hell with that. There was a nice lady I spoke to twice because she and I immediately recognised each other as kindred spirits, however she was too far away.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 14, 2016, 08:22:08 AM
The nice blonde lady of my recent acquaintance has emailed and asked if I can "...be ready in about an hour?" - for what? The mind boggles... But apparently she has tickets for an event and wants to take me to it. Okay, decide what to wear = one minute, 4th movement of Brahms Op. 25 = about eight minutes but we'll call it nine, eat a banana = who the hell knows? Three minutes? And maybe another banana of approximately the same size and so another three minutes. Do as many push ups as possible in one minute, shower and shave = 20 minutes, get dressed = five minutes, Drink one pint of milk = one minute. And that leaves me 17 minutes to do dumbbell drop sets for the pump (all my secrets are coming out now) with the weights I keep behind the front door and then affect an air of "It's all a mere bagatelle..." before she arrives.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 17, 2016, 10:31:46 PM
Quote from: Brian on August 12, 2016, 12:04:26 PM
(http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/03/Oh-my-GIF.gif?gs=a)
Lol, I somehow doubt that he of all people would be interested in dating women anyway.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 17, 2016, 10:33:29 PM
Quote from: NikF on August 14, 2016, 08:22:08 AM
The nice blonde lady of my recent acquaintance has emailed and
She sent you an email....so have you not exchanged numbers?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 19, 2016, 07:44:58 AM
Quote from: jessop on August 17, 2016, 10:33:29 PM
She sent you an email....so have you not exchanged numbers?

I gave her my number the first time we met. A few days later she sent me a number of SMS messages. She now knows that the best way to contact me is by email, because I don't always carry a phone with me.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ghost Sonata on August 19, 2016, 10:54:28 AM
"Wouldn't this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more attractive?"  (Albert Brooks in Broadcast News, 1987)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 20, 2016, 05:40:57 AM
'Insecurity and desperation.' Well, every morning last week I'd arrive about 20 or 30 minutes before everyone else and go straight to the waiting room. Then I'd enter the single cubicle toilet, where I'd lock the door behind me, take my shirt off and then perform a sets of pullups to failure on the frame of the aforementioned cubicle. After that, a few sets of dips on the sink countertop, a quick wash down and then possessing some swole I'd return to the room. Insecurity and desperation. Okay. But I enjoy the attention of women.   8)
A petite 'soccer mom' type always sat beside me and I'd put down my paperback (usually Hemingway ;D) and tell her absolute crap impart pleasantries such as "You know, in the course of a week I used to see many different colours and tones and shades of nail varnish (What the f*** am I saying? :laugh:) and so I can state with confidence that your choices are consistently cool and attractive".
   :laugh:


Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 06:05:34 AM
I suppose I can post something here since this is another form of snyprrr's old thread: More Girl Problems (http://www.good-music-guide.com/community/index.php/topic,24205.msg886462.html#msg886462), but, from what I can tell so far, this is a much more positive thread than that old one. ;) I met a woman yesterday and she's a new associate at the store I work at and she is absolutely beautiful. She has me quite smitten and I think she feels the same way I do. We both seem to make each other smile like two bashful school children. Anyway, I asked her her out and she said yes, but now it's just a matter of when we'll be going out. Both of our schedules don't really allow us to see each outside of work. She works 3 PM - 12 AM and I work 1 PM - 10 PM. I'm usually off Sundays and Mondays and her schedule seems to fluctuate a lot. I really hope we can figure this thing out, because yesterday I was about ready to just kiss her right in front of everyone. :D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on August 20, 2016, 06:30:46 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 06:05:34 AM
I suppose I can post something here since this is another form of snyprrr's old thread: More Girl Problems (http://www.good-music-guide.com/community/index.php/topic,24205.msg886462.html#msg886462), but, from what I can tell so far, this is a much more positive thread than that old one. ;) I met a woman yesterday and she's a new associate at the store I work at and she is absolutely beautiful. She has me quite smitten and I think she feels the same way I do. We both seem to make each other smile like two bashful school children. Anyway, I asked her her out and she said yes, but now it's just a matter of when we'll be going out. Both of our schedules don't really allow us to see each outside of work. She works 3 PM - 12 AM and I work 1 PM - 10 PM. I'm usually off Sundays and Mondays and her schedule seems to fluctuate a lot. I really hope we can figure this thing out, because yesterday I was about ready to just kiss her right in front of everyone. :D
Awesome! And may I suggest you guys go out for breakfast? No rules saying that evening is the only romantic time of day.

This thread is more like Girl Solutions ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 06:34:18 AM
Quote from: Brian on August 20, 2016, 06:30:46 AM
Awesome! And may I suggest you guys go out for breakfast? No rules saying that evening is the only romantic time of day.

This thread is more like Girl Solutions ;)

Breakfast or even lunch is a good idea. I suppose my main problem (or that seems the biggest mental hurdle at the moment) is she's younger than me and when I say younger I'm talking 10 years. I like her but I'm probably not going to actually pursue her because of this difference in age.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 20, 2016, 06:43:11 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 06:05:34 AM
I suppose I can post something here since this is another form of snyprrr's old thread: More Girl Problems (http://www.good-music-guide.com/community/index.php/topic,24205.msg886462.html#msg886462), but, from what I can tell so far, this is a much more positive thread than that old one. ;) I met a woman yesterday and she's a new associate at the store I work at and she is absolutely beautiful. She has me quite smitten and I think she feels the same way I do. We both seem to make each other smile like two bashful school children. Anyway, I asked her her out and she said yes, but now it's just a matter of when we'll be going out. Both of our schedules don't really allow us to see each outside of work. She works 3 PM - 12 AM and I work 1 PM - 10 PM. I'm usually off Sundays and Mondays and her schedule seems to fluctuate a lot. I really hope we can figure this thing out, because yesterday I was about ready to just kiss her right in front of everyone. :D

That's cool. And I second the idea of lunch or breakfast. Just always remember that if she's as interested as she appears to be then she'll find the time for a date, one way or another.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 06:49:35 AM
Quote from: NikF on August 20, 2016, 06:43:11 AM
That's cool. And I second the idea of lunch or breakfast. Just always remember that if she's as interested as she appears to be then she'll find the time for a date, one way or another.

Yeah, but I'm not feeling anything right now other than this is probably a bad idea. She's just too young.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 20, 2016, 07:04:51 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 06:49:35 AM
Yeah, but I'm not feeling anything right now other than this is probably a bad idea. She's just too young.

How mature of you!  :D Recognising stuff like that is cool too.
Going only by what you've said, I think that if I were in your position I'd wait a few days and see if she arranges a specific date. If she does, good. But if she doesn't, then I'd just continue to enjoy her company while keeping in mind she might know other interesting women nearer your age. Whatever happens, just be cool as hell about it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 07:33:47 AM
Quote from: NikF on August 20, 2016, 07:04:51 AM
How mature of you!  :D Recognising stuff like that is cool too.
Going only by what you've said, I think that if I were in your position I'd wait a few days and see if she arranges a specific date. If she does, good. But if she doesn't, then I'd just continue to enjoy her company while keeping in mind she might know other interesting women nearer your age. Whatever happens, just be cool as hell about it.

I'll be honest, I'm quite tempted to go out with her and not think anything about it, but I know, in the back of my mind, that I won't be able to do it. Friends with benefits might be something I'd be interested in though. ;) ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on August 20, 2016, 07:52:26 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 06:34:18 AM
Breakfast or even lunch is a good idea. I suppose my main problem (or that seems the biggest mental hurdle at the moment) is she's younger than me and when I say younger I'm talking 10 years. I like her but I'm probably not going to actually pursue her because of this difference in age.

Age difference doesn't matter as long as you have shared interests and goals, and compatible personalities. Mrs. Rock is nine years younger than me...and we've been together happily for 41 years.

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 20, 2016, 08:03:07 AM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on August 20, 2016, 07:52:26 AM
Age difference doesn't matter as long as you have shared interests and goals, and compatible personalities. Mrs. Rock is nine years younger than me...and we've been together happily for 41 years.

Sarge

Yeah, nine years is actually a nice age difference - my wife was eight years younger than me.
But larger gaps can end up being a problem, which is something I had to deal with fairly recently.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 20, 2016, 08:31:34 AM
I want to say something else about bigger age differences (where the woman is half the age of the man) and it's that while there are always exceptions to the rule, I believe there's only one reason for having a relationship with such a young woman. Some guys say "Yeah, she keeps me going" or "I value her enthusiasm for life" or similar BS. But the truth, the real reason, is their body. It's as simple as that. And more people should be honest and admit it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 20, 2016, 03:48:00 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 06:05:34 AM
I suppose I can post something here since this is another form of snyprrr's old thread: More Girl Problems (http://www.good-music-guide.com/community/index.php/topic,24205.msg886462.html#msg886462), but, from what I can tell so far, this is a much more positive thread than that old one. ;) I met a woman yesterday and she's a new associate at the store I work at and she is absolutely beautiful. She has me quite smitten and I think she feels the same way I do. We both seem to make each other smile like two bashful school children. Anyway, I asked her her out and she said yes, but now it's just a matter of when we'll be going out. Both of our schedules don't really allow us to see each outside of work. She works 3 PM - 12 AM and I work 1 PM - 10 PM. I'm usually off Sundays and Mondays and her schedule seems to fluctuate a lot. I really hope we can figure this thing out, because yesterday I was about ready to just kiss her right in front of everyone. :D
Are breakfast dates a thing???

You know, I don't understand the kind of courage it takes for anyone to make a 'first move.' I have never been the one to make a 'first move' ever. I've said yes to two people and turned down two others in my time on this planet. No idea what is going to happen in the future though!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 07:15:03 PM
Quote from: jessop on August 20, 2016, 03:48:00 PM
Are breakfast dates a thing???

You know, I don't understand the kind of courage it takes for anyone to make a 'first move.' I have never been the one to make a 'first move' ever. I've said yes to two people and turned down two others in my time on this planet. No idea what is going to happen in the future though!

It does take a lot of courage because there's always that fear of rejection, which is universal and anyone can sympathize with. I hope you find someone, but there may be a situation where you're going to have to make the first move because maybe the other person is too shy or doesn't really know how to go about asking.

Anyway, my own situation came to a screeching halt today whenever the woman I was interested in said she's 'got plans' on her off days. ??? No problem for me as she's not the one for me and it's as simple as that really. I'm of the motto now "if it happens, it'll happen, if it doesn't, then it doesn't". It's no big deal. Moving on...
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 07:34:37 PM
Quote from: NikF on August 20, 2016, 08:31:34 AM
I want to say something else about bigger age differences (where the woman is half the age of the man) and it's that while there are always exceptions to the rule, I believe there's only one reason for having a relationship with such a young woman. Some guys say "Yeah, she keeps me going" or "I value her enthusiasm for life" or similar BS. But the truth, the real reason, is their body. It's as simple as that. And more people should be honest and admit it.

For me, it'd be all about the body. That's it. I don't subscribe to any of that empty rhetoric you mentioned. So, hey, at least I admitted it. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 07:36:28 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on August 20, 2016, 07:52:26 AM
Age difference doesn't matter as long as you have shared interests and goals, and compatible personalities. Mrs. Rock is nine years younger than me...and we've been together happily for 41 years.

Sarge

Yes and I'm sure you count your blessings everyday that you've had such a long, and I'd imagine fruitful, marriage. Here's to many more! On a side note, my parents celebrated their 46th in June.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 22, 2016, 02:35:46 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 07:34:37 PM
For me, it'd be all about the body. That's it. I don't subscribe to any of that empty rhetoric you mentioned. So, hey, at least I admitted it. ;D

There's much to be said for older women too, although I'm no longer sure what I consider as 'older'. But among their varied skills is the ability to flirt wonderfully, sometimes on the very cusp of suggestiveness...

A while back I'd a problem with the billing for a concert ticket and because I was in town I went to the box office rather than call. The not unattractive woman (late thirties? early forties?) behind the counter resolved the problem promptly and after I'd thanked her she silently looked me in the eye, then down at her hands as she used them to flatten down the front of her shirt over her stomach and said "Can you believe I've had two children? A 17 year old daughter and a 20 year old son?!" I'm almost hardwired to respond automatically with something like "Oh yeah? Tell me more about the 17 year old daughter", but in this case my reply was that up to that point I'd every faith in her integrity and sincerity in dealing with my ticket problem, but that it had now dissipated and that her figure clearly reveals she is telling a fib.
I enjoy that kind of thing when it happens. It's harmless, fun and cool and both parties usually come away from it with a smile on their face. And as I said, older ladies seem to be more comfortable with themselves and so more likely to flirt with ease and no little charm.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 26, 2016, 08:15:40 AM
I'll put a tl;dr at the end of this.

When my ex and I split up the news got around. Even the staff in the local supermarket were aware of it. One of the women who works there regularly made a point of asking "Aw...how are you keeping now?" with sympathy and a rub of my arm (including a not very well hidden small pause at my bicep) despite the fact I've been okay. She's the type who is generally all winks and smiles for male customers and she has a great figure (and knows it) which is enhanced by having her uniform altered. So I'd come back from the gym, went into the shop and ended up at her checkout. A few mildly flirtatious words were exchanged until she said that she's finishing work at 15:30 and then added that she'll be finishing at that time all week. I left and went home, showered, got dressed, topped up my pump via the behind the door emergency dumbbell, then went back to the shop and stood at the far end of the car park. When she came out she walked straight over, put a cigarette in her mouth and asked me for a light. I don't smoke, but I do carry a cigarette lighter with me. 8) We went for a drink (for the sake of appearances more than anything else) and then had some fun.


tl;dr: I met a nice no nonsense lady and discovered and she dyes her hair.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on August 26, 2016, 09:17:04 AM
Kind of distraught MI has decided to abandon a romantic possibility without even a date - he listens to composers extensively before deciding he doesn't like them! What is the harm, what is the loss, in going on a date if it doesn't work out? At worst, you get a funny story - the same downside as when you listen to Bruch symphonies.  ;D

My girlfriend is 9 years older; a friend is dating a man 18 years older; my best friend married a partner 19 years older. Now, in those last cases, if they are still together at age 60/80, there will be practical challenges to face. But for now, it does not have a practical effect or detriment on their lives - except weird stares in public. Which most GMGers get anyway.  ;D

Maybe, John, you'll go out with her and find out she has a totally different worldview. Or maybe not. Only one way to find out. And in my experience, stuff like "you watched different movies as a kid" is a benefit - giving each other new experiences is even better than having shared memories. I'll always be grateful to my friend's 19-years-older husband for teaching us both about great wine and forcing us to watch Animaniacs reruns!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 26, 2016, 09:28:46 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I missed his post.

Quote from: Mirror Image on August 20, 2016, 07:15:03 PM

Anyway, my own situation came to a screeching halt today whenever the woman I was interested in said she's 'got plans' on her off days. ??? No problem for me as she's not the one for me and it's as simple as that really. I'm of the motto now "if it happens, it'll happen, if it doesn't, then it doesn't". It's no big deal. Moving on...

Yeah, that's a real clear knock back. It can sting like hell (like being punched by a boxer) but only for a moment.

And your "if it happens, it'll happen, if it doesn't, then it doesn't". It's no big deal. Moving on..." - that's a good way to deal with it. In the meantime, always make the most of yourself in every way you can, but do it for yourself. And just be open to people and stuff and generally be cool and good.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on August 26, 2016, 08:41:48 PM
Quote from: NikF on August 26, 2016, 09:28:46 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I missed his post.
Oops, I missed that bit too, thanks.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on August 26, 2016, 09:03:12 PM
Quote from: Brian on August 26, 2016, 09:17:04 AM
Kind of distraught MI has decided to abandon a romantic possibility without even a date - he listens to composers extensively before deciding he doesn't like them! What is the harm, what is the loss, in going on a date if it doesn't work out? At worst, you get a funny story - the same downside as when you listen to Bruch symphonies.  ;D

My girlfriend is 9 years older; a friend is dating a man 18 years older; my best friend married a partner 19 years older. Now, in those last cases, if they are still together at age 60/80, there will be practical challenges to face. But for now, it does not have a practical effect or detriment on their lives - except weird stares in public. Which most GMGers get anyway.  ;D

Maybe, John, you'll go out with her and find out she has a totally different worldview. Or maybe not. Only one way to find out. And in my experience, stuff like "you watched different movies as a kid" is a benefit - giving each other new experiences is even better than having shared memories. I'll always be grateful to my friend's 19-years-older husband for teaching us both about great wine and forcing us to watch Animaniacs reruns!

No reason to be distraught, my friend. I followed up with her about a possible date last week only to meet with the "I'm busy" response (I just happened to be off the same days as her last week). Anyway, we barely make eye contact now and I'm all the happier for it, because there's an apparent lack of chemistry (obviously). She said "yes" but then turns around and basically says "no." I really didn't want to play any more games with her, so I'm done. I'm actually hoping to meet an older woman (maybe 10 years older) that's not a gold digging harpy. :) I'm not too worried about it, though, because if something happens and I meet someone, then that's great, if I don't, I don't. If a woman genuinely wants to go out with me, then I'm for that, but I'm not going to be caught playing mind games. Feelings are something I don't toy around with and I'm someone who believes people should keep their word. If you agree to do something, you better do it, and, if not, then you better have a good reason as to why you've backed out of it. Honestly, I'm enjoying being single for now and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I don't get lonely, because I do, but I'm just enjoying my own company for now. I've always been a loner it seems and sometimes it's really not by choice. I suppose I'm not the kind of person that likes to mettle in other people's lives and keeps to themselves. In person, I'm also rather private and introspective. I'm much more interested in hearing someone else's thoughts about a subject rather than to reveal my own opinion. I've always considered myself someone who's not of our era, but most people probably just find me strange. :)

Edit: I see that I've already revealed she had 'plans'. Ignore the mindless, completely rambling post above. ^^^ :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 31, 2016, 12:55:41 PM
On Friday I'm going on a date with the nice former dancer lady. We're to see Kolesnikova with the St Petersburg Ballet in Swan Lake. And after that - who knows?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 04, 2016, 03:20:15 PM
^^^ the date was last night.

I'm off to London tomorrow to do some work ( :o) for a while and so the nice dancer lady asked if/when something is going to happen between her and I. I took a chance and suggested we could think about it while I'm away. She was rightly annoyed by that. I can't expect her to keep waiting, but I'm not quite ready yet. So it's going to be a case of whatever happens will happen. I'll deal with it either way.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 04, 2016, 07:44:30 PM
What kind of dancer was she?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 05, 2016, 03:09:03 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on September 04, 2016, 07:44:30 PM
What kind of dancer was she?

She danced with the Northern Ballet. Now she teaches diploma courses. But she still has an intensity that I've noticed in a lot of dancers, which is kind of attractive but also mildly overpowering, whereas I prefer to just trundle along the way.
The other thing is that my best friend has now met her (though only briefly) and although he said she's nice I get the impression that he doesn't really like her. Obviously he's not the one dating her and so it's not important, but he made a passive aggressive comment to me about 'snobs' rather than being his usual straightforward self. I don't know. Maybe they just took a dislike to each other on sight.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on September 05, 2016, 03:48:10 PM
I can't tell if i am enjoying or hating being single right now
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 05, 2016, 03:57:19 PM
Quote from: NikF on September 05, 2016, 03:09:03 AM
She danced with the Northern Ballet. Now she teaches diploma courses. But she still has an intensity that I've noticed in a lot of dancers, which is kind of attractive but also mildly overpowering, whereas I prefer to just trundle along the way.
The other thing is that my best friend has now met her (though only briefly) and although he said she's nice I get the impression that he doesn't really like her. Obviously he's not the one dating her and so it's not important, but he made a passive aggressive comment to me about 'snobs' rather than being his usual straightforward self. I don't know. Maybe they just took a dislike to each other on sight.

It really doesn't matter whether your friend likes her or not. Ultimately, what matters is do you see yourself having a future with her or not. If she annoys you and you're finding every reason you can muster up to find fault, then she isn't someone you should spend any more time with, otherwise, you'd be leading her on and making her believe there's something there, when, in fact, there isn't.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 05, 2016, 04:12:45 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on September 05, 2016, 03:57:19 PM
It really doesn't matter whether your friend likes her or not. Ultimately, what matters is do you see yourself having a future with her or not. If she annoys you and you're finding every reason you can muster up to find fault, then she isn't someone you should spend any more time with, otherwise, you'd be leading her on and making her believe there's something there, when, in fact, there isn't.

Yeah, I'm aware of that. But I thank you for the input, because it's like a sounding board and helps me think stuff through. It's definitely appreciated.
The point I was making about my best friend isn't that his opinion influences me, it's more that he's one of those people who rarely has a negative word to say about anyone. You know the type?

Anyway, I'm going to spend a couple of days resting before work (and maybe see if I can pick up some music - including that Ravel chamber music CD you recommended to me a while back) and deal with it later.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 05, 2016, 04:21:52 PM
Quote from: NikF on September 05, 2016, 04:12:45 PM
Yeah, I'm aware of that. But I thank you for the input, because it's like a sounding board and helps me think stuff through. It's definitely appreciated.
The point I was making about my best friend isn't that his opinion influences me, it's more that he's one of those people who rarely has a negative word to say about anyone. You know the type?

Anyway, I'm going to spend a couple of days resting before work (and maybe see if I can pick up some music - including that Ravel chamber music CD you recommended to me a while back) and deal with it later.

You're welcome. Yeah, I know some people who don't talk negatively too often and if they do mention something negative, I usually take notice rather quickly. I do hope things work out for you and the woman you're dating. I also hope you enjoy that Ravel recording. The Hyperion one with Ibragimova/Tiberghien, correct?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 05, 2016, 04:23:39 PM
Quote from: jessop on September 05, 2016, 03:48:10 PM
I can't tell if i am enjoying or hating being single right now

The unsolicited advice I'd like to impart is to not worry about it. Forget it. A method I'm fond of employing when I wish to forget stuff is to find some space and do this for a few minutes -

(http://i.imgur.com/QUvBVjK.jpg)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 05, 2016, 04:26:32 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on September 05, 2016, 04:21:52 PM
You're welcome. Yeah, I know some people who don't talk negatively too often and if they do mention something negative, I usually take notice rather quickly. I do hope things work out for you and the woman you're dating. I also hope you enjoy that Ravel recording. The Hyperion one with Ibragimova/Tiberghien, correct?

Thanks, man.
And that's the recording, yes.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 20, 2016, 08:43:20 PM
Sigh...I wish I had something interesting to add to this thread.

What's been going on with you guys? Anything new?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 22, 2016, 07:41:59 PM
I've definitely got something brewing. Details soon.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on September 23, 2016, 04:25:06 AM
Wow! You find new women to date as quickly as you find new CDs to buy. Good luck  8)

We got Dallas Symphony season tickets, including Lutoslawski, a new Rouse symphony, and Bruckner's Seventh. (Although she's most excited for the night of Bronfman playing Brahms Concerto 2 + Prokofiev Fifth Symphony.)  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 23, 2016, 06:31:47 AM
Quote from: Brian on September 23, 2016, 04:25:06 AM
Wow! You find new women to date as quickly as you find new CDs to buy. Good luck  8)

We got Dallas Symphony season tickets, including Lutoslawski, a new Rouse symphony, and Bruckner's Seventh. (Although she's most excited for the night of Bronfman playing Brahms Concerto 2 + Prokofiev Fifth Symphony.)  8)

Hah! Brian if only that were true. :) Looks like things are going well with you and your girlfriend. Best of luck to you both.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 23, 2016, 10:10:11 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on September 20, 2016, 08:43:20 PM
Sigh...I wish I had something interesting to add to this thread.

What's been going on with you guys? Anything new?

Yeah, but not entirely positive. However I'll wait and see how it resolves itself (and when I'm home for longer) before I post an update.

Quote from: Mirror Image on September 22, 2016, 07:41:59 PM
I've definitely got something brewing. Details soon.

Sounds good.

Quote from: Brian on September 23, 2016, 04:25:06 AM

We got Dallas Symphony season tickets, including Lutoslawski, a new Rouse symphony, and Bruckner's Seventh. (Although she's most excited for the night of Bronfman playing Brahms Concerto 2 + Prokofiev Fifth Symphony.)  8)

Also sounds good - especially the Brahms and Prokofiev.


e: and welcome back, Mirror Image
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 24, 2016, 06:13:03 AM
The nice lady who works in the supermarket has invited me over. And "...you don't need to bring anything, just bring yourself, because I brought a single malt from work". I do believe I'll stretch my legs.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 25, 2016, 06:20:56 PM
Quote from: NikF on September 23, 2016, 10:10:11 AM


e: and welcome back, Mirror Image

Thanks, NikF! :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 25, 2016, 06:22:27 PM
Quote from: NikF on September 24, 2016, 06:13:03 AM
The nice lady who works in the supermarket has invited me over. And "...you don't need to bring anything, just bring yourself, because I brought a single malt from work". I do believe I'll stretch my legs.

Good luck with this!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 25, 2016, 06:48:11 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on September 25, 2016, 06:22:27 PM
Good luck with this!

Thanks. It's just a semi regular, casual kind of thing when the mood arises. And it's cool, because she knows how to play the *game and so there are no problems.



*Parcheesi ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 25, 2016, 07:20:41 PM
Quote from: NikF on September 25, 2016, 06:48:11 PM
Thanks. It's just a semi regular, casual kind of thing when the mood arises. And it's cool, because she knows how to play the *game and so there are no problems.



*Parcheesi ;D

If only I knew the rules of 'the game'. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 26, 2016, 05:43:20 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on September 25, 2016, 07:20:41 PM
If only I knew the rules of 'the game'. ;D

Knowing how to play the game just means not getting attached and not asking questions. And simply accepting something for what it is. That's all. Not much of a game, but not knowing how to play it or deviating from the rules almost often results in much unhappiness and/or trouble. ;D
But check this out for a different kind of game...

Last week I was travelling back home by train. It takes about five hours or so. I got on and found a seat beside two women. One was about mid40s and the other mid30s. They were friends who were travelling together. I sat beside mid30s. From the outset they were both friendly and sociable and made room for me and my luggage and we chatted in between them playing on their phones.
Mid30s was perhaps a little shy. Or more exactly, she was less forward than mid40s. And it was mid40s who was leading the conversation throughout and asking me questions - asking me lots of questions. And it was a little strange, because the questions she would ask came out of nowhere and were often quite specific.

At one point mid40s went to get some coffee. I used that as an opportunity to rearrange the luggage over and under the seats. Part of it was a guitar and case I'd bought. Mid30s commented on it and asked if I was going to play it. I said I wasn't, because I'm not much of a guitar player and that it was a classical guitar which I'd no experience of. So I got everything rearranged, mid40s returned, and the conversation and fiddling with phones resumed, as did the questioning.

A few minutes later mid40s looked at the luggage and asked "So what's the difference between a classical guitar and an ordinary guitar?" And I thought 'I didn't tell you that's a classical guitar.' I spent the rest of the journey doing my best to say things that would lead to questions. Occasionally it would result in mid30s using her phone and a few moments later mid40s picking her own phone up to read the message and then asking me a question on behalf of mid30s.
In 2016, women are happily enjoying the virtual version of the old 'Go to the toilet together and talk about a guy' game. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 26, 2016, 08:38:10 AM
Quote from: NikF on September 26, 2016, 05:43:20 AM
Knowing how to play the game just means not getting attached and not asking questions. And simply accepting something for what it is. That's all. Not much of a game, but not knowing how to play it or deviating from the rules almost often results in much unhappiness and/or trouble. ;D
But check this out for a different kind of game...

Last week I was travelling back home by train. It takes about five hours or so. I got on and found a seat beside two women. One was about mid40s and the other mid30s. They were friends who were travelling together. I sat beside mid30s. From the outset they were both friendly and sociable and made room for me and my luggage and we chatted in between them playing on their phones.
Mid30s was perhaps a little shy. Or more exactly, she was less forward than mid40s. And it was mid40s who was leading the conversation throughout and asking me questions - asking me lots of questions. And it was a little strange, because the questions she would ask came out of nowhere and were often quite specific.

At one point mid40s went to get some coffee. I used that as an opportunity to rearrange the luggage over and under the seats. Part of it was a guitar and case I'd bought. Mid30s commented on it and asked if I was going to play it. I said I wasn't, because I'm not much of a guitar player and that it was a classical guitar which I'd no experience of. So I got everything rearranged, mid40s returned, and the conversation and fiddling with phones resumed, as did the questioning.

A few minutes later mid40s looked at the luggage and asked "So what's the difference between a classical guitar and an ordinary guitar?" And I thought 'I didn't tell you that's a classical guitar.' I spent the rest of the journey doing my best to say things that would lead to questions. Occasionally it would result in mid30s using her phone and a few moments later mid40s picking her own phone up to read the message and then asking me a question on behalf of mid30s.
In 2016, women are happily enjoying the virtual version of the old 'Go to the toilet together and talk about a guy' game. ;D

Ha! Thanks for sharing this little story.

(I'm taking notes as I type.) ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 27, 2016, 07:52:14 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on September 26, 2016, 08:38:10 AM
Ha! Thanks for sharing this little story.

(I'm taking notes as I type.) ;)

You're welcome. And one of the notes should be 'Be prepared to run' ;D

As usual I'll tl;dr this at the end.

The retired dancer and I have still been spending time together. I'm going to be blunt here and say that she's withholding the goods because she has me sussed out. Or at least she's aware that right now I'm not looking for anything serious with anyone. I understand completely and don't blame her at all. However every now and then something occurs that makes me more reticent.

A gallery owner had invited me to have a chat over lunch today and so I brought her along.
Everything was cool and easy going, but she became bored when he and I drifted into a discussion about aesthetics that somehow sidetracked into ergonomics and then settled on Henry Dreyfuss. We mentioned some of the designs Dreyfuss and his team were responsible for, such as the Westclox Big Ben alarm and one of the Hoover vacuums. When I added "...and the Princess telephone" it prompted an outburst from her that was delivered via a petulant, pouting, spoiled brat voice "I want a Princess telephone!"  :laugh:

tl;dr she's a Princess. And the hell with dealing with that at my age.  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 29, 2016, 05:42:42 AM
I called it right - the self-styled Princess has announced that she's lost patience/gone. Fair enough.

Now (well, tomorrow) London part two and meeting a friend for shenanigans, hijinks and potentially cor blimey trousers. Lor' luv a duck!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Reckoner on October 01, 2016, 01:32:11 AM
Quote from: NikF on September 29, 2016, 05:42:42 AM
Now (well, tomorrow) London part two and meeting a friend for shenanigans, hijinks and potentially cor blimey trousers. Lor' luv a duck!

No-one down here ever says "cor blimey". No-one. I mean, I'm pretty sure on this.  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on October 01, 2016, 08:30:37 AM
Quote from: Reckoner on October 01, 2016, 01:32:11 AM
No-one down here ever says "cor blimey". No-one. I mean, I'm pretty sure on this.  ;D

Yeah, I know. I was married to a Londoner and the only time I was exposed to rhyming slang was when stuck on the Northern Line by a drunk cockney who was playing it up for the tourists.  :)
I included it as a nod to Dick Van Dyke's terrible accent in Mary Poppins. Although he never spoke those words in the film (maybe people are thinking of the Lonnie Donegan song?) it still kind of sums up the awfulness -
"Cor blimey, Mary Poppins!"
;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on October 12, 2016, 05:31:23 AM
I've just checked my email ( :laugh:) and there was a message dated one week ago from the retired dancer. She has expressed her regret that things came to a halt and she hopes I'll take care of myself. That was considerate of her and I sincerely appreciate the thought. However it also served a tentative message of 'I am still here'. I know she is. But nothing has changed.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 02, 2016, 06:28:06 PM
A former colleague has asked if I would go with her friend to a cinema showing of a ballet (Ratmansky's 'The Bright Stream') at the weekend. I'd much prefer her friend asked me herself, but since we were clearly in passing notes in class mode I answered yes, with the added provisio that I require the option to "...pull her pigtails and then run away".
So, ballet (including a free ticket!) and music by Shosty in the company of someone I met once, briefly around 18 months ago and can remember nothing about. It should be interesting.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 07, 2016, 08:50:51 AM
It was a pleasant evening. We had time for a drink and a chat beforehand and afterwards I walked her to the railway station. She's certainly friendly enough, quietly confident and modest and she laughs easily. 8) Maybe we'll do something again.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on November 07, 2016, 05:18:02 PM
Quote from: NikF on November 07, 2016, 08:50:51 AM
It was a pleasant evening. We had time for a drink and a chat beforehand and afterwards I walked her to the railway station. She's certainly friendly enough, quietly confident and modest and she laughs easily. 8) Maybe we'll do something again.

Good to hear! I hope something blossoms between you and your new lady friend. Here's to hoping things go well. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 08, 2016, 08:02:56 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on November 07, 2016, 05:18:02 PM
Good to hear! I hope something blossoms between you and your new lady friend. Here's to hoping things go well. :)

Yeah, I'll see how it goes. Thanks. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on November 18, 2016, 07:32:09 AM
Okay, so I met two women online that are interested in me. One of them lives in Denver, CO and the other one lives about 30 minutes away from where I live. The one that lives in Denver is really pushing for a long distance kind of thing where we'd fly back and forth to see each other. I'm sorry I don't think I could do this as it's quite costly. I love the fact that she has an idealistic view of things and would be willing to make something like this distance between us work, but I don't think it would. I mean she's quite optimistic that it would. The other woman (who lives 30 minutes away) doesn't speak very good English (she's Vietnamese I believe --- I didn't ask), but has a sweet personality and her living closer than the other woman sure makes things easier.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 18, 2016, 06:55:37 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on November 18, 2016, 07:32:09 AM
Okay, so I met two women online that are interested in me. One of them lives in Denver, CO and the other one lives about 30 minutes away from where I live. The one that lives in Denver is really pushing for a long distance kind of thing where we'd fly back and forth to see each other. I'm sorry I don't think I could do this as it's quite costly. I love the fact that she has an idealistic view of things and would be willing to make something like this distance between us work, but I don't think it would. I mean she's quite optimistic that it would. The other woman (who lives 30 minutes away) doesn't speak very good English (she's Vietnamese I believe --- I didn't ask), but has a sweet personality and her living closer than the other woman sure makes things easier.



Sounds good! :) As for any potential language barrier, some might view that as a hurdle. However as with most things it mostly depends on the individual; I went to shoot fashion in Russia for one week and met a woman at a party. She spoke no English and I spoke no Russian. Within six months she and I were living together there and initially communicated via a combo of translation software on a laptop that we carried everywhere and hastily scribbled drawings on small pieces of paper. We lasted almost five years. So what I'm saying is, that most things perceived as barriers can be removed or at least minimised to some extent if you're both patient.
In any case, it's always cool to have women interested and if you don't look too far ahead it can be great fun.  8)  If you're so inclined, post an update once in a while on how it's going?  :)


Fake edit: the woman I've been seeing most recently asked me to take her to a concert. So next week it's Bavouzet playing Ravel's Piano concerto in G. At the moment I have a black eye (due to sparring) and a limp. What a catch I am.  :o  :(   :laugh:

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on November 19, 2016, 04:53:58 AM
Quote from: NikF on November 18, 2016, 06:55:37 PM


Sounds good! :) As for any potential language barrier, some might view that as a hurdle. However as with most things it mostly depends on the individual; I went to shoot fashion in Russia for one week and met a woman at a party. She spoke no English and I spoke no Russian. Within six months she and I were living together there and initially communicated via a combo of translation software on a laptop that we carried everywhere and hastily scribbled drawings on small pieces of paper. We lasted almost five years. So what I'm saying is, that most things perceived as barriers can be removed or at least minimised to some extent if you're both patient.
In any case, it's always cool to have women interested and if you don't look too far ahead it can be great fun.  8)  If you're so inclined, post an update once in a while on how it's going?  :)


Fake edit: the woman I've been seeing most recently asked me to take her to a concert. So next week it's Bavouzet playing Ravel's Piano concerto in G. At the moment I have a black eye (due to sparring) and a limp. What a catch I am.  :o  :(   :laugh:

Thanks, NikF. Great story, btw. Very interesting indeed. Well, nothing panned out with either woman. No loss, no gain, no worries. :) There are a million fish out there.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 19, 2016, 04:59:13 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on November 19, 2016, 04:53:58 AM
Thanks, NikF. Great story, btw. Very interesting indeed. Well, nothing panned out with either woman. No loss, no gain, no worries. :) There are a million fish out there.


Ah, sorry to hear that. But as you say there are so many more out there. And you've the attitude that's required for success - just keep moving on and forward.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on November 19, 2016, 05:04:42 AM
Quote from: NikF on November 19, 2016, 04:59:13 AM

Ah, sorry to hear that. But as you say there are so many more out there. And you've the attitude that's required for success - just keep moving on and forward.

Thanks. Yeah, it's best not to get hung on anything that wasn't happening to begin with. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 19, 2016, 05:12:34 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on November 19, 2016, 05:04:42 AM
Thanks. Yeah, it's best not to get hung on anything that wasn't happening to begin with. :)


That's it. Good stuff.  8) :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on November 21, 2016, 03:13:51 PM
Quote from: NikF on November 18, 2016, 06:55:37 PMSounds good! :) As for any potential language barrier, some might view that as a hurdle. However as with most things it mostly depends on the individual; I went to shoot fashion in Russia for one week and met a woman at a party. She spoke no English and I spoke no Russian. Within six months she and I were living together there and initially communicated via a combo of translation software on a laptop that we carried everywhere and hastily scribbled drawings on small pieces of paper. We lasted almost five years.

Man, you remind me of an Aussie surfer guy I've met years ago in Fiji, he had the best relationship stories. Keep 'em coming!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 21, 2016, 10:33:53 PM
Quote from: Rinaldo on November 21, 2016, 03:13:51 PM
Man, you remind me of an Aussie surfer guy I've met years ago in Fiji, he had the best relationship stories. Keep 'em coming!

Thanks. Fiji? Cool.  8) I've never been there.

Since it's a dating/not dating thread I've been thinking of posting some accounts of getting dates and disastrous dates and all that. Some of my failures have been amusing and I've been rejected by more women than anyone I know. But due to a combo of my job and an older women who took me under her wing when I was a young man, I don't worry about letdowns so much and so I've had a lot of adventures and positive outcomes too. I'll write a couple of them up and post them. I mean, if the whole dating experience is taken too seriously it's liable to drive anyone nuts. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: SharpEleventh on November 23, 2016, 02:33:32 AM
I don't always date but when I do, I realize I'm dreaming and wake up. This all after seeing stuff like flying cows, talking bananas and people coming to a unanimous agreement about the word "atonal".
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 23, 2016, 05:01:42 AM
So, a dating story from my distant past. If my ability to remember select details from so long ago raises an eyebrow, know that from about 1983 or so I've kept a diary or journal of stuff that happens to me.

I'm going to split this into two posts to try and avoid a wall of text.


I had a dear friend named Stewart. He and I had arranged to have lunch with his girlfriend Mary, who was an actress. A few years later when they had parted I slept with her and then later one of her actress friends who had hair like Louise Brooks. But that's another story. Anyway, when we arrived we found Mary in the company of a girl who introduced herself to me as Siobhan, who in turn told me that although we hadn't met before that there were a few events and parties we'd both attended in the past. Ah, this means she remembered me!  8) And in turn, that means I already have one foot in the door, so to speak...


During lunch Siobhan and I got on great. It was helped by the fact that she was tall and slim and raven haired and was wearing a long black dress that faintly touched her figure in all the right places and also that she clearly thought I was wonderful ;D When lunch was over she asked if I was free to come along with them to the cinema. The film was Nicholas Roeg's Track 29 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Track_29 We'd all had a few drinks while eating and as we walked to the cinema Siobhan gently bumped her hip into me and said "I've been told I kind of look like Theresa Russell" to which I stopped her, lifted her chin and stepped back and said "Yes, indeed, you kind of do". However the truth is, she really didn't at all. And at first I had been hugely tempted to reply "Theresa, no. Bertrand, yes."


Part two to follow.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 23, 2016, 05:20:39 AM
Part two.


I don't like Gary Oldman. I have tried, but I don't like him. Not even a little bit.
After watching the film we all went to dinner. Not being accustomed to drinking much, I was beginning to feel the effects. We left the restaurant and piled into a taxi. It took us to Stewart's place where the four of us talked late into the night in their living room amidst high mountains of papers and folders that had something to do with his job at the University when he was not leering at freshers. Prompted by much fake yawning from Siobhan and I, Stewart finally took the hint and dumped a couple of pillows and a quilt on the sofa and told us to make ourselves comfortable. Then he and Mary wished us goodnight and left the room. The moment they were gone the pouncing, gasping and double time breathing started, which included me kicking out at the stacks of papers and books in order to make more room on the sofa for our increasinging shenanigans. But Siobhan stopped me and picked some of them up, carefully placing them on a chair. Then she turned out the light and returned. We commenced in the dim glow of the non-romantic orange low pressure sodium (which although a light source of great luminous efficiency, was pale in comparison to my efficiency on the sofa. Hahaha) shining through the window. But there were still a few books and things near the end of the sofa and so like an amazing combo of Casanova and JPR Williams I wildly booted them into touch. One was stubborn and it took a mighty effort before it moved and landed with a soft thud. She said "Well, I'll never find that in the dark". I replied "Dont worry, I'll find it in the morning". She asked "And if I need the toilet during the night?" I thought "Exactly what kind of rare and exotic woman is this?" Then she laughed and said "You've kicked my leg off."
She had a prosthetic lower limb.


In the morning I was a gentleman and fetched her leg for her. It was heavier than I expected.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ghost Sonata on November 23, 2016, 05:53:53 AM
Quote from: NikF on November 23, 2016, 05:20:39 AM
Part two.


I don't like Gary Oldman. I have tried, but I don't like him. Not even a little bit.
After watching the film we all went to dinner. Not being accustomed to drinking much, I was beginning to feel the effects. We left the restaurant and piled into a taxi. It took us to Stewart's place where the four of us talked late into the night in their living room amidst high mountains of papers and folders that had something to do with his job at the University when he was not leering at freshers. Prompted by much fake yawning from Siobhan and I, Stewart finally took the hint and dumped a couple of pillows and a quilt on the sofa and told us to make ourselves comfortable. Then he and Mary wished us goodnight and left the room. The moment they were gone the pouncing, gasping and double time breathing started, which included me kicking out at the stacks of papers and books in order to make more room on the sofa for our increasinging shenanigans. But Siobhan stopped me and picked some of them up, carefully placing them on a chair. Then she turned out the light and returned. We commenced in the dim glow of the non-romantic orange low pressure sodium (which although a light source of great luminous efficiency, was pale in comparison to my efficiency on the sofa. Hahaha) shining through the window. But there were still a few books and things near the end of the sofa and so like an amazing combo of Casanova and JPR Williams I wildly booted them into touch. One was stubborn and it took a mighty effort before it moved and landed with a soft thud. She said "Well, I'll never find that in the dark". I replied "Dont worry, I'll find it in the morning". She asked "And if I need the toilet during the night?" I thought "Exactly what kind of rare and exotic woman is this?" Then she laughed and said "You've kicked my leg off."

She had a prosthetic lower limb.

In the morning I was a gentleman and fetched her leg for her. It was heavier than I expected.

Track 29 is a great film!  (I know, Oldham can be a bit over the top at times; btw, my model trains met a similar fate!)  And your story's a great one as well, thanks! (newer prosthetics are much lighter and doctors and scientists are beginning to be able to preserve more nerve tissue during amputation so as to allow the brain to actually sense and control limbs - genius!).
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ghost Sonata on November 23, 2016, 05:56:41 AM
Quote from: SharpEleventh on November 23, 2016, 02:33:32 AM
I don't always date but when I do, I realize I'm dreaming and wake up. This all after seeing stuff like flying cows, talking bananas and people coming to a unanimous agreement about the word "atonal".

:) ;D :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 23, 2016, 06:02:03 AM
Quote from: Ghost Sonata on November 23, 2016, 05:53:53 AM
Track 29 is a great film!  (I know, Oldham can be a bit over the top at times; btw, my model trains met a similar fate!)  And your story's a great one as well, thanks! (newer prosthetics are much lighter and doctors and scientists are beginning to be able to preserve more nerve tissue during amputation so as to allow the brain to actually sense and control limbs - genius!).

Thanks.
Yeah, yet there are those who berate doctors and science based medicine and all that - despite the wonders they can perform and improved quality they bring to lives.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Bogey on November 23, 2016, 06:24:55 AM
Before we had our kiddos, my wife and I would head out every Tuesday for a "date" night, because Tuesdays are probably our least favorite day of the week.  (Like Monday all over again.)  However, with two kids and  their busy schedules and school, and especially when they were younger, had us put this on hold as a standing night to do something together.  In fact, we enjoy our kiddos (14 and 18 years) so much that we were both happy to trade our night in to be with them anyways.  This is not to say that we do not do things just as a couple without them from time to time, but we do not have a set day each week.   However, last night, Tuesday, they both happened to be gone for the evening and so we went out to a restaurant and had a date, if you will.  Of course, we discussed mostly them. ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 23, 2016, 06:50:24 AM
Quote from: Bogey on November 23, 2016, 06:24:55 AM
Before we had our kiddos, my wife and I would head out every Tuesday for a "date" night, because Tuesdays are probably our least favorite day of the week.  (Like Monday all over again.)  However, with two kids and  their busy schedules and school, and especially when they were younger, had us put this on hold as a standing night to do something together.  In fact, we enjoy our kiddos (14 and 18 years) so much that we were both happy to trade our night in to be with them anyways.  This is not to say that we do not do things just as a couple without them from time to time, but we do not have a set day each week.   However, last night, Tuesday, they both happened to be gone for the evening and so we went out to a restaurant and had a date, if you will.  Of course, we discussed mostly them. ;)


Sounds cool - and when you had your date night you ended up discussing your children. :) Good stuff.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Bogey on November 23, 2016, 06:56:37 AM
Quote from: NikF on November 23, 2016, 06:50:24 AM

Sounds cool - and when you had your date night you ended up discussing your children. :) Good stuff.

Thanks, Nik.

Linda and I were introduced on New Year's Eve of '91.  We were engaged January 19 of '92.  Our nearly 25 years together has been nothing short of fabulous.   

Our oldest is off to college next year, so our routines that we have come to know and love will shift....it's what we had hoped for all these years, but also not looking forward to seeing our lad leave.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 24, 2016, 09:24:06 PM
It was our second date tonight at a concert -
Haydn 6
Ravel Piano Concerto G Maj.
Tippett 1
The evening got off to a poor start when she said she had promised we'd go to a event after the concert. I was okay with that until I learned she meant after the Ravel. If it had been a third or fourth date I'd have offered to meet her there later, but it wasn't and so I missed out on the Tippett. I hadn't heard any of his music before and I'd been looking forward to it.

At the event I received a mild sneer from the barman when I asked for a glass of milk. It set the tone nicely. I wandered around until one guest started talking at me about how she's an art student (although a mature one - a well preserved mid 30s?) and her recently completed genre piece. Experience/cynical me immediately considered this a ploy on her part to have her work photographed. The hell with doing that. However she went on to mention how much she liked my (silk) scarf and about tactile cueing and *that interested me. So I took her number because I'm easy.

*along with the fact she was so casually wearing a vibrant red lipstick on lips of shape and form equal to such a task.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 04, 2016, 09:18:43 AM
I actually went on a date.  :D

Found someone on Tinder, but we didn't really hit it off at all.  :D She brought a friend, we met at a bar and then went to the science center. Nothing took place and I likely won't see her again.

It's hard to tell from pictures, but after meeting her, she really wasn't my type. I actually found someone who I think would be the best for me (compared to any other girl I've known), but we live 10 hours away now. I have a conversation with her every few weeks on facebook where I get her to laugh at my stupid jokes. She's definitely my type- smart, funny, and so easy to talk to- you can tell she's actually interested in what I'm saying. And she likes anime, so perfect combination. And I like how she laughs- not something you normally think about, but that's actually important. I could listen to her voice all day and be okay around her all day. But pretty pointless telling her that when she lives so far away and already has a boyfriend.

The girl I met just gave off way too much of a mature vibe for my taste. And she was pretty tall, pretty much my height. It felt like I was hanging out with my aunt. I'm definitely sticking to younger girls who are shorter and thinner than me, and easy going. That's definitely my type.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 04, 2016, 09:46:59 AM
Another thing that happened a while ago (back in June) was something that really didn't make any sense, but I might have an explanation now that I think about it....

a friend that I used to consider dating (~1 1/2- 2 years ago) just said something really random to me. "I was talking to my mom, and she was asking who I would date out of the people I work with, and I said that I'd choose you because you are an 8 out of 10 on looks and you have a stable income."

And back when I was really considering her, she did not give that impression at all (even though we hung out a few times). And she is extremely open about letting people know how she feels, so it wouldn't make sense at all that she would have been holding back- I don't think she liked me back then.

But when she said that to me, she had a boyfriend and I had just let her know a week or so before that I was moving away to make some good money. I think the only possible explanation was that she was looking for a guy to have fun with at parties, and that was never really my thing. But she's 23 now, not 21 any more, so priorities have probably changed a bit, especially considering how much she worries about if her school will actually get her anywhere.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 04, 2016, 11:27:16 AM
Love works in mysterious ways, Greg. Perhaps the woman that's 10 hours away is actually 'the one' for you. Sometimes things happen without any kind of explanation. I hope, whatever happens for you, it's the best thing in your life. A woman can certainly bring so much light, and happiness, into your life. I'm finding this out myself and let me explain:

I met a woman online (POF if one must truly know) and we've been talking everyday since Nov. 22nd. She's in school right now and has final exams, but promises to meet up with me after Dec. 12th. She's originally from Thailand and her English isn't too good, but she's taking a class on it right now. She's also the same age as me, which also is a plus for me as I've dated younger women and haven't had much luck whatsoever. A younger woman might be okay for you, Greg, but the level of understanding in a lot of what I talk about kind of goes over their head a lot of times. I think when I'm with a woman whose second language is English it will encourage me to speak slower and more carefully, but also choose my words much more wisely. ;) I just need someone like this really bad and I do want to be happy, but it sure was a struggle to get there. This woman is still a mystery to me and enigmatic until I can finally meet her, but she told me my appearance (even though she's seen plenty of pictures) isn't as important as the person I am inside. I think this is important to realize as well, Greg. I understand that you're very much a 'looks' person and, granted, looks are what catches the eye first, but without the personality and a good soul, I think you'd be wasting your time unless you're about the whole 'hook-up' thing, which I'm sure you're not, but a lot of people who use that Tinder app are. Anyway, I'm really hoping things go well with this woman I met and I'm going to keep an open-mind and not get my hopes up, but who knows maybe I've found 'the one' I'm supposed to be with? Only time will tell...
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 04, 2016, 01:36:18 PM
That's pretty good if you've been talking every day since Nov.22! I really hope you have good luck with her, that would be great to hear.

You might have seen the girl I'm talking about, if you saw the picture of us two on fb. She's from Taiwan, but went to college here, so English is also her second language.

You're right about Tinder... it's easy to use, but the drawback is that many of them on there are just looking for a hookup. I can't get into that; when I talk to friends who have talked about the many times they've had hookups, it just sounds depressing. I just could not sleep with anyone that I'm not in love in with, period. And to me, I can only fall in love with someone who is appealing both physically and mentally, so yeah, that's a rare thing.

I also recently just signed up for POF... I'll have to check it every now and then, though for now, the selection of what I've seen is pretty bad. The vast majority being unattractive redneck women with multiple kids. Ugh.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 04, 2016, 01:42:30 PM
Quote from: greg on December 04, 2016, 01:36:18 PM
That's pretty good if you've been talking every day since Nov.22! I really hope you have good luck with her, that would be great to hear.

You might have seen the girl I'm talking about, if you saw the picture of us two on fb. She's from Taiwan, but went to college here, so English is also her second language.

You're right about Tinder... it's easy to use, but the drawback is that many of them on there are just looking for a hookup. I can't get into that; when I talk to friends who have talked about the many times they've had hookups, it just sounds depressing. I just could not sleep with anyone that I'm not in love in with, period. And to me, I can only fall in love with someone who is appealing both physically and mentally, so yeah, that's a rare thing.

I also recently just signed up for POF... I'll have to check it every now and then, though for now, the selection of what I've seen is pretty bad. The vast majority being unattractive redneck women with multiple kids. Ugh.

Thanks, Greg. Sounds like our girlfriends (if we may so be so lucky to say this) come from similar backgrounds. Very interesting. I do hope you can get something brewing with this woman from Taiwan. She sounds like a keeper. Yeah, POF isn't too great and I was about to gave up until I meet this current woman I'm talking with (who lives about 30 minutes away).
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Keep Going on December 04, 2016, 02:09:00 PM
Good going, greg and MI. Hopefully things turn out well for you.

I must say, I'm generally not too keen on dating sites. But then, they beat actually having to talk to girls in real life.  ;D

I wonder whether a dating sub-forum on GMG could work.  :P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 04, 2016, 03:25:27 PM
Quote from: Keep Going on December 04, 2016, 02:09:00 PM
Good going, greg and MI. Hopefully things turn out well for you.

I must say, I'm generally not too keen on dating sites. But then, they beat actually having to talk to girls in real life.  ;D

I wonder whether a dating sub-forum on GMG could work.  :P

Thanks, Keep Going. I'm not fond of dating sites either and sometimes I feel rather embarrassed that I'm even on one (or in my case: two). It's just difficult for someone like me who is socially inept and awkward to meet a woman without sounding like a complete lunatic. ;D But, seriously, I'm actually quite outgoing and find it very easy to talk to people, but I suppose when it comes to the more intimate side of things I get a bit withdrawn and tend to look inward. This woman I've been talking with makes it easy for me to say really stupid stuff, because she doesn't understand me half the time...lol. She told me on the phone the other day "Slow down! You talk too fast!!!" I'm trying, I really am...

I hope you meet someone, too. If you're persistent and have good intentions, then I don't see why you shouldn't have some good fortunate.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on December 04, 2016, 11:07:33 PM
Quote from: greg on December 04, 2016, 09:18:43 AM
I actually went on a date.  :D

Found someone on Tinder, but we didn't really hit it off at all.  :D She brought a friend, we met at a bar and then went to the science center. Nothing took place and I likely won't see her again.

It's hard to tell from pictures, but after meeting her, she really wasn't my type. I actually found someone who I think would be the best for me (compared to any other girl I've known), but we live 10 hours away now. I have a conversation with her every few weeks on facebook where I get her to laugh at my stupid jokes. She's definitely my type- smart, funny, and so easy to talk to- you can tell she's actually interested in what I'm saying. And she likes anime, so perfect combination. And I like how she laughs- not something you normally think about, but that's actually important. I could listen to her voice all day and be okay around her all day. But pretty pointless telling her that when she lives so far away and already has a boyfriend.

The girl I met just gave off way too much of a mature vibe for my taste. And she was pretty tall, pretty much my height. It felt like I was hanging out with my aunt. I'm definitely sticking to younger girls who are shorter and thinner than me, and easy going. That's definitely my type.
Laughing at your 'stupid jokes' is definitely a good sign.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 05, 2016, 02:44:33 PM
Quote from: vandermolen on December 04, 2016, 11:07:33 PM
Laughing at your 'stupid jokes' is definitely a good sign.  :)

+1 My gal has been laughing at my stupidity since I started talking to her. What she doesn't know, however, is that it's not an act and I'm definitely not trying to be funny. :P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on December 06, 2016, 06:16:49 AM
Like they say...you only need one person who will laugh at your jokes!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 06, 2016, 06:32:59 PM
So funny that John is going to meet a girl originally from Thailand. Because I'm going to be having a date with a girl who is originally from Vietnam.  :D (i'm assuming, since her name is Vietnamese)

I've been talking to her on Tinder that last two days. She's a 19-year old engineering student, and we were doing some major flirting. She made it obvious what she wants, big time. Looking forward to meeting her.  :)

And telling more stupid jokes, of course!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 06, 2016, 07:44:17 PM
Quote from: Brian on December 06, 2016, 06:16:49 AM
Like they say...you only need one person who will laugh at your jokes!

QFT. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 06, 2016, 07:44:45 PM
Quote from: greg on December 06, 2016, 06:32:59 PM
So funny that John is going to meet a girl originally from Thailand. Because I'm going to be having a date with a girl who is originally from Vietnam.  :D (i'm assuming, since her name is Vietnamese)

I've been talking to her on Tinder that last two days. She's a 19-year old engineering student, and we were doing some major flirting. She made it obvious what she wants, big time. Looking forward to meeting her.  :)

And telling more stupid jokes, of course!

Awesome, Greg! Good luck, man. Let me know how everything goes.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 08, 2016, 06:55:02 AM
Well, me and my new special lady friend will be meeting on Monday. Wish me luck! We're going to be meeting in a central location (i. e. a rather large mall) and this gives us plenty of opportunity to chat, shop a little, and perhaps even grab a bite to eat.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on December 08, 2016, 09:27:22 AM
Good luck!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 08, 2016, 07:08:20 PM
Quote from: Brian on December 08, 2016, 09:27:22 AM
Good luck!

Thanks, Brian. Oh, I forgot to ask you, how are things going with you and your girlfriend?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 09, 2016, 03:15:44 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 08, 2016, 06:55:02 AM
Well, me and my new special lady friend will be meeting on Monday. Wish me luck! We're going to be meeting in a central location (i. e. a rather large mall) and this gives us plenty of opportunity to chat, shop a little, and perhaps even grab a bite to eat.


Good stuff. First date - so play it cool, regardless. And enjoy yourself.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 09, 2016, 06:43:00 AM
Quote from: NikF on December 09, 2016, 03:15:44 AM

Good stuff. First date - so play it cool, regardless. And enjoy yourself.  :)

Thanks, Nik. I wish I knew how to play it cool as I'm definitely not a cool person by any means. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 09, 2016, 07:00:46 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 09, 2016, 06:43:00 AM
Thanks, Nik. I wish I knew how to play it cool as I'm definitely not a cool person by any means. ;D

You're welcome.
The thing is, you don't need to be a cool person, you only need to be yourself. And from where I'm sitting you seem to be an interesting and friendly guy and so you should definitely be yourself. :)

As for the part about playing it cool, I always make sure that if I'm part of a scenario or in a situation where I could become excited or anxious or stressed or perhaps even worried, I simply remember to keep breathing, nice and easy and steady and relaxed. Do that and people will pick up on it and by default you'll be the coolest guy around - and most importantly, you'll feel great and be able to enjoy the moment. 8) :)

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 09, 2016, 07:28:09 AM
Quote from: NikF on December 09, 2016, 07:00:46 AM
You're welcome.
The thing is, you don't need to be a cool person, you only need to be yourself. And from where I'm sitting you seem to be an interesting and friendly guy and so you should definitely be yourself. :)

As for the part about playing it cool, I always make sure that if I'm part of a scenario or in a situation where I could become excited or anxious or stressed or perhaps even worried, I simply remember to keep breathing, nice and easy and steady and relaxed. Do that and people will pick up on it and by default you'll be the coolest guy around - and most importantly, you'll feel great and be able to enjoy the moment. 8) :)

Thanks a lot, Nik. Right back at you! 8) I'm going to take your suggestions and keep them in mind. I don't have a lot of experience with women as I have only had one serious girlfriend in my life, but I can certainly see how being relaxed could help give a better overall impression.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on December 09, 2016, 02:47:49 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 08, 2016, 06:55:02 AM
Well, me and my new special lady friend will be meeting on Monday. Wish me luck! We're going to be meeting in a central location (i. e. a rather large mall) and this gives us plenty of opportunity to chat, shop a little, and perhaps even grab a bite to eat.

Yes, good luck from me too. Don't introduce her to Allan Pettersson's music on the first date! Seriously, hope it goes well.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 09, 2016, 06:55:18 PM
Quote from: vandermolen on December 09, 2016, 02:47:49 PM
Yes, good luck from me too. Don't introduce her to Allan Pettersson's music on the first date! Seriously, hope it goes well.

Thanks, Jeffrey. I don't think I'd ever introduce her to Pettersson. ;) Shostakovich, Mahler, or Sibelius, on the other hand, she'll be more than likely will get an earful. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: lisa needs braces on December 09, 2016, 06:57:59 PM
When it comes to modern women, the juice is simply not worth the squeeze.

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on December 10, 2016, 01:25:31 AM
Quote from: -abe- on December 09, 2016, 06:57:59 PMWhen it comes to modern women, the juice is simply not worth the squeeze.

Very silly statement.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on December 10, 2016, 02:05:44 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 09, 2016, 06:55:18 PM
Thanks, Jeffrey. I don't think I'd ever introduce her to Pettersson. ;) Shostakovich, Mahler, or Sibelius, on the other hand, she'll be more than likely will get an earful. :)
:)
I remember when I was going out with my wife I played her a record of John Foulds's 'Dynamic Triptych' hoping to impress her. I remember that all she said was: 'well, it certainly is dynamic!' After that I played a pop music station whenever she was in the car with me. Foolishly I left the radio tuned in to the pop station when I gave a lift to my classical-music loving older brother who sarcastically commented: 'is this what you listen to when Katy is in the car?'
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 10, 2016, 05:47:27 AM
Quote from: vandermolen on December 10, 2016, 02:05:44 AM
:)
I remember when I was going out with my wife I played her a record of John Foulds's 'Dynamic Triptych' hoping to impress her. I remember that all she said was: 'well, it certainly is dynamic!' After that I played a pop music station whenever she was in the car with me. Foolishly I left the radio tuned in to the pop station when I gave a lift to my classical-music loving older brother who sarcastically commented: 'is this what you listen to when Katy is in the car?'

Hah! Great story, Jeffrey. Yeah, I'm not too worried about what music she likes as long as she listens to something. I'm not expecting any woman I date to have the same musical tastes as me as if she did, I'd definitely be questioning her mental stability. ;) ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 10, 2016, 05:49:22 AM
Quote from: -abe- on December 09, 2016, 06:57:59 PM
When it comes to modern women, the juice is simply not worth the squeeze.

Thanks for dropping by. ::) By your token, nobody is worth knowing and a person should be alone for the rest of their life. Sorry, but life is much more fulfilling when there are people in it that genuinely care about you. That's what truly matters.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on December 10, 2016, 09:39:23 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 10, 2016, 05:47:27 AM
Hah! Great story, Jeffrey. Yeah, I'm not too worried about what music she likes as long as she listens to something. I'm not expecting any woman I date to have the same musical tastes as me as if she did, I'd definitely be questioning her mental stability. ;) ;D
:)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 10, 2016, 11:06:56 AM
Well, last night was pretty fun.  8)

But I'm really not sure that this actually going to turn into a relationship. I'm kinda thinking it won't. The problem is she lives an hour away and doesn't have a car. I really wouldn't want to see her more than twice a month because of the distance and the staying up late.

I think we got to bed at 3 or so and then she wanted me to drive her home at 6:30 this morning! So that's one thing that would change if I saw her again- her sleep patterns are weird, so I guess that's normal for her- but not for me.

btw, where the hell is snyprrr?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 10, 2016, 11:08:30 AM
Quote from: -abe- on December 09, 2016, 06:57:59 PM
When it comes to modern women, the juice is simply not worth the squeeze.
I have a feeling that you need to move to an Eastern country. From what I've heard, completely different how they do dating and such in China. Might be more your style.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 12, 2016, 05:24:14 AM
Quote from: greg on December 10, 2016, 11:06:56 AM
Well, last night was pretty fun.  8)

But I'm really not sure that this actually going to turn into a relationship. I'm kinda thinking it won't.
Hmm... looks like she was only interested in that one night and nothing else. She says she has a sex addiction. People like that typically aren't interested in relationships, I suppose.

Oh, well. I was hoping for a bit more, but I still don't regret it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 05:34:40 AM
Quote from: greg on December 12, 2016, 05:24:14 AM
Hmm... looks like she was only interested in that one night and nothing else. She says she has a sex addiction. People like that typically aren't interested in relationships, I suppose.

Oh, well. I was hoping for a bit more, but I still don't regret it.

My question is what did you really expect? You met this woman on Tinder, which, from what I've read, is a site geared only towards 'hooking up'. If you stop looking, you may very well be surprised by the outcome. To be honest, I wasn't really 'looking' for anyone as I was about ready to 'throw in the towel' so to speak whenever I received a message on that dating site POF and it was this woman I'm meeting today. 8) I spoke to someone at work and she said she met her boyfriend on POF as well and they've been seeing each other for 6 or 7 years already. The intent is always the most important factor in looking for someone, because if you don't know where they stand and what they want (i. e. a relationship, marriage in the future), then it's not really worth pursuing. And I hate to say this, as I've said it many times before, you really should look for someone around your age. I know you don't want to date someone who has children. There are actually plenty of people your age who don't have children just like there are plenty that do. You just have to dig a bit more to find someone, but dating someone who is 7-10 years younger than you are is like dating someone who is an alien from another planet. You'd have nothing in common on an intellectual/emotional level. Anyway, it's your life, but you really ought to be a bit more open in your preferences and what kind of person you'd date, because you're not going to find anyone within those narrow perimeters.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 02:19:51 PM
Just got back home from my date about 30 minutes ago and we had such a great time together. We plan to meet up again (perhaps next weekend). She's really a beautiful person inside and out. She also is incredibly intelligent as back in her home country of Thailand she's a computer programmer. She's on a school visa (or some kind of one) and she's allowed to stay here for three years. Her English isn't too bad, but she's getting better and learning. I found out her brother went to Rice University (the same as Brian) and majored in chemistry and went back to Thailand to become a professor. Also, both of her parents are teachers and her mom teaches English! :) Anyway, I had a blast learning more about her and I hope for many more dates to follow.

Here's the obligatory selfie that she insisted on taking:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on December 12, 2016, 02:37:58 PM
Good news John! Hope it goes well.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 02:38:47 PM
Quote from: Ken B on December 12, 2016, 02:37:58 PM
Good news John! Hope it goes well.

Thanks a lot, Ken! 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on December 12, 2016, 02:58:23 PM
Cuteness overload! Congrats, John, you look quite happy together.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 02:59:13 PM
Quote from: Rinaldo on December 12, 2016, 02:58:23 PM
Cuteness overload! Congrats, John, you look quite happy together.

:-[ ;D Thanks, Rinaldo! Yeah, we had a great time --- I made her laugh A LOT, which is always a good thing. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 12, 2016, 03:27:20 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 02:19:51 PM
Just got back home from my date about 30 minutes ago and we had such a great time together. We plan to meet up again (perhaps next weekend). She's really a beautiful person inside and out. She also is incredibly intelligent as back in her home country of Thailand she's a computer programmer. She's on a school visa (or some kind of one) and she's allowed to stay here for three years. Her English isn't too bad, but she's getting better and learning. I found out her brother went to Rice University (the same as Brian) and majored in chemistry and went back to Thailand to become a professor. Also, both of her parents are teachers and her mom teaches English! :) Anyway, I had a blast learning more about her and I hope for many more dates to follow.

Here's the obligatory selfie that she insisted on taking:

Glad you had a good time.  And that's a nice photo - you look great together.  :) Now, make sure you get down to confirming another date as soon as possible. In the meantime,  enjoy the afterglow and take it easy.  :)
Also: your jacket is cool. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 12, 2016, 03:41:46 PM
Glad you had fun, John! Hopefully many more dates to come!  8)





Quote from: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 05:34:40 AM
My question is what did you really expect? You met this woman on Tinder, which, from what I've read, is a site geared only towards 'hooking up'. If you stop looking, you may very well be surprised by the outcome. To be honest, I wasn't really 'looking' for anyone as I was about ready to 'throw in the towel' so to speak whenever I received a message on that dating site POF and it was this woman I'm meeting today. 8) I spoke to someone at work and she said she met her boyfriend on POF as well and they've been seeing each other for 6 or 7 years already. The intent is always the most important factor in looking for someone, because if you don't know where they stand and what they want (i. e. a relationship, marriage in the future), then it's not really worth pursuing. And I hate to say this, as I've said it many times before, you really should look for someone around your age. I know you don't want to date someone who has children. There are actually plenty of people your age who don't have children just like there are plenty that do. You just have to dig a bit more to find someone, but dating someone who is 7-10 years younger than you are is like dating someone who is an alien from another planet. You'd have nothing in common on an intellectual/emotional level. Anyway, it's your life, but you really ought to be a bit more open in your preferences and what kind of person you'd date, because you're not going to find anyone within those narrow perimeters.
I did suspect that she was only looking for a one night stand. And the things she said later only support that. That I'm "exotic" (since she's only been in this country 4 years) and that she's addicted to sex, etc.

What sucks most is just that I liked her as a potential friend. She was one of the funniest people I've had the pleasure to meet. I'd hang out with her even if we never slept again.

I don't think 7-10 years younger is like dating an alien. I'm not that mature, after all.  ::) You might be confusing immaturity with being a nerd. The truth is, I'm an immature nerd. It can be harder to relate to mature non-nerds, generally. (Oh, and there are "dumb nerds," as well, which she called me a few times lol). And she said I could easily pretend to not be a nerd if I tried because of my looks- but yeah, right! lol  ::) Waaay to hard to hide nerdiness...

In the long run, though, I think what happened is still helpful to me psychologically, BIG TIME. If I ever do meet someone who I end up marrying one day, I won't feel the need to pressure them into sleeping with me nearly as much. Or getting nervous about expectations for sex and screwing up everything in the process, because I'm a nerd. Having said that, if I have to wait too long, I may be back on Tinder again, sleeping with the next cute girl that offers.  :P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 03:52:42 PM
Quote from: NikF on December 12, 2016, 03:27:20 PM
Glad you had a good time.  And that's a nice photo - you look great together.  :) Now, make sure you get down to confirming another date as soon as possible. In the meantime,  enjoy the afterglow and take it easy.  :)
Also: your jacket is cool. 8)

Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on December 12, 2016, 03:02:39 PM
I wish you the best John, you're a good guy.
You deserve a special someone, hopefully you've found her!
You both look lovely together too

:)

Thank you both for your nice comments. :) It really felt great connecting with someone. We even held hands most of the time. Next time, we'll probably go to the movies and then dinner afterwards. She definitely said she wants to see me again, so that's definitely good to know. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 03:55:59 PM
Quote from: greg on December 12, 2016, 03:41:46 PM
Glad you had fun, John! Hopefully many more dates to come!  8)




I did suspect that she was only looking for a one night stand. And the things she said later only support that. That I'm "exotic" (since she's only been in this country 4 years) and that she's addicted to sex, etc.

What sucks most is just that I liked her as a potential friend. She was one of the funniest people I've had the pleasure to meet. I'd hang out with her even if we never slept again.

I don't think 7-10 years younger is like dating an alien. I'm not that mature, after all.  ::) You might be confusing immaturity with being a nerd. The truth is, I'm an immature nerd. It can be harder to relate to mature non-nerds, generally. (Oh, and there are "dumb nerds," as well, which she called me a few times lol). And she said I could easily pretend to not be a nerd if I tried because of my looks- but yeah, right! lol  ::) Waaay to hard to hide nerdiness...

In the long run, though, I think what happened is still helpful to me psychologically, BIG TIME. If I ever do meet someone who I end up marrying one day, I won't feel the need to pressure them into sleeping with me nearly as much. Or getting nervous about expectations for sex and screwing up everything in the process, because I'm a nerd. Having said that, if I have to wait too long, I may be back on Tinder again, sleeping with the next cute girl that offers.  :P

Thanks, Greg. Perhaps I misjudged you and if it came across that way, I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention at all. If you want to just have some fun for awhile, that's perfectly fine for you if that's what you truly want to do or feel you need to do. No judgement from me whatsoever. If anything, you'll meet up with some interesting people in the process. :) By the way, I'm a huge nerd and I'm proud of it. I freely accept that I have nerd tendencies. It's just who I am.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 03:57:20 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on December 12, 2016, 03:55:41 PM
Sounds like really good news!  She appears to be really into you.
Best of luck John  8)

Gosh...now I'm just blushing. :-[ ;D Thanks again.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 12, 2016, 04:14:29 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 03:55:59 PM
Thanks, Greg. Perhaps I misjudged you and if it came across that way, I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention at all. If you want to just have some fun for awhile, that's perfectly fine for you if that's what you truly want to do or feel you need to do. No judgement from me whatsoever. If anything, you'll meet up with some interesting people in the process. :) By the way, I'm a huge nerd and I'm proud of it. I freely accept that I have nerd tendencies. It's just who I am.
Nah, dude, you're good.  :D No need to apologize.

Btw as far as Tinder goes, although it is meant as a hookup app, people use it for anything. Did I mention the "date" I went on a week ago? I met up with a 30-year old lady (she brought her friend along) and we ate a bar and hung out at the science center. None of us flirted with each other at all the entire time. Tbh, in person, she gave a more mature vibe, which felt like I was hanging out with an aunt. It was then that I realized maybe I should look for the opposite. Young, immature, and funny- being around such a person really helps me embrace the better side of myself. The other side of myself is just moodiness, depression, and no fun.  :-X
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 04:51:59 PM
Quote from: greg on December 12, 2016, 04:14:29 PM
Nah, dude, you're good.  :D No need to apologize.

Btw as far as Tinder goes, although it is meant as a hookup app, people use it for anything. Did I mention the "date" I went on a week ago? I met up with a 30-year old lady (she brought her friend along) and we ate a bar and hung out at the science center. None of us flirted with each other at all the entire time. Tbh, in person, she gave a more mature vibe, which felt like I was hanging out with an aunt. It was then that I realized maybe I should look for the opposite. Young, immature, and funny- being around such a person really helps me embrace the better side of myself. The other side of myself is just moodiness, depression, and no fun.  :-X

Very cool, Greg. 8) Yes, I do believe you mentioned you had a date with a 30-going on 60 year old woman. ;) Too bad there was no kind of connection there. The woman I'm seeing is really playful and, as I mentioned, we laughed quite a lot, because I suppose I came off as being a bit of a goofball. I didn't know Tinder is used for other things. I learn something new everyday. I believe you had encouraged me to use Tinder before and I did, but I didn't get much out of it. I've always been leery of online dating until I met Kate. I did go on a date with someone I met online but she ended up being a completely different person than what I thought. She totally 'catfished' me. ;D Thankfully, today, Kate looked just like her pictures, but even better after I really started studying her and her facial expressions. Good luck in whatever you decide to do next!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 12, 2016, 05:05:57 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on December 12, 2016, 04:40:47 PM
So tinder is a real thing that works?  :o
Yeah. Just keep swiping until you find a match and then ask them out for dinner within 2-5 messages. Then they might let you now soon after you start messaging them if they want to sleep with you. Just don't make conversation before you ask, because they will stop replying at some point. That was the mistake I made at first.

So much easier than going to a bar and talking to people.

Quote from: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 04:51:59 PM
Very cool, Greg. 8) Yes, I do believe you mentioned you had a date with a 30-going on 60 year old woman. ;) Too bad there was no kind of connection there. The woman I'm seeing is really playful and, as I mentioned, we laughed quite a lot, because I suppose I came off as being a bit of a goofball. I didn't know Tinder is used for other things. I learn something new everyday. I believe you had encouraged me to use Tinder before and I did, but I didn't get much out of it. I've always been leery of online dating until I met Kate. I did go on a date with someone I met online but she ended up being a completely different person than what I thought. She totally 'catfished' me. ;D Thankfully, today, Kate looked just like her pictures, but even better after I really started studying her and her facial expressions. Good luck in whatever you decide to do next!
Ha, really playful is the best thing. It'll loosen you up!  8)
Thanks, and good luck to you, too!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ghost Sonata on December 12, 2016, 05:22:19 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 03:52:42 PM
...She definitely said she wants to see me again, so that's definitely good to know. 8)

Needless to say, she's interested in the good looking guy with refined musical tastes... 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 05:30:03 PM
Quote from: Ghost Sonata on December 12, 2016, 05:22:19 PM
Needless to say, she's interested in the good looking guy with refined musical tastes... 8)

;D Thanks a lot, Ghost. I appreciate it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 08:24:05 PM
Well...now diverting the attention away from me: what's been going on with you guys? Anything new going on?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on December 12, 2016, 09:32:54 PM
Quote from: Ghost Sonata on December 12, 2016, 05:22:19 PM
Needless to say, she's interested in the good looking guy with refined musical tastes... 8)
I'm taken.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on December 13, 2016, 01:54:37 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 02:19:51 PM
Just got back home from my date about 30 minutes ago and we had such a great time together. We plan to meet up again (perhaps next weekend). She's really a beautiful person inside and out. She also is incredibly intelligent as back in her home country of Thailand she's a computer programmer. She's on a school visa (or some kind of one) and she's allowed to stay here for three years. Her English isn't too bad, but she's getting better and learning. I found out her brother went to Rice University (the same as Brian) and majored in chemistry and went back to Thailand to become a professor. Also, both of her parents are teachers and her mom teaches English! :) Anyway, I had a blast learning more about her and I hope for many more dates to follow.

Here's the obligatory selfie that she insisted on taking:

How nice! I'm so glad that you had a good time and delighted that she insisted on the selfie. It's a great photo of the two of you. She looks like a lovely person inside and out and has a kind expression. I was very pleased to see a photo of yourself - looking less like Shostakovich than I imagined but still a great photo. Hope this relationship continues to be a very happy one for you John.
Jeffrey
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 13, 2016, 05:33:42 AM
Quote from: vandermolen on December 13, 2016, 01:54:37 AM
How nice! I'm so glad that you had a good time and delighted that she insisted on the selfie. It's a great photo of the two of you. She looks like a lovely person inside and out and has a kind expression. I was very pleased to see a photo of yourself - looking less like Shostakovich than I imagined but still a great photo. Hope this relationship continues to be a very happy one for you John.
Jeffrey

Ha! Yeah, I definitely don't look like Shostakovich. ;) Thanks a lot, Jeffrey!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 13, 2016, 06:38:29 AM
Quote from: Ken B on December 12, 2016, 09:32:54 PM
I'm taken.

(http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/Shaquille-ONeal-Cant-Stop-Laughing-As-He-Watches-Funny-Online-Videos.gif)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ghost Sonata on December 13, 2016, 06:45:06 AM
Quote from: Ken B on December 12, 2016, 09:32:54 PM
I'm taken.

You're taken alright.   :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 13, 2016, 08:59:43 PM
I'll be taking Kate to see the new Star Wars film this coming Monday. Before the show, we're going to have dinner. So...dinner and a movie. A cliched date idea for sure, but seeing this new Star Wars film on an IMAX screen with my special someone sounds great to me. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 13, 2016, 09:18:26 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 13, 2016, 08:59:43 PM
I'll be taking Kate to see the new Star Wars film this coming Monday. Before the show, we're going to have dinner. So...dinner and a movie. A cliched date idea for sure, but seeing this new Star Wars film on an IMAX screen with my special someone sounds great to me. 8)

Yeah, it sounds great indeed. Hope you both have a great time. :) Also: as before,  stay --->  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on December 14, 2016, 12:33:33 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 13, 2016, 08:59:43 PM
I'll be taking Kate to see the new Star Wars film this coming Monday. Before the show, we're going to have dinner. So...dinner and a movie. A cliched date idea for sure, but seeing this new Star Wars film on an IMAX screen with my special someone sounds great to me. 8)
Sounds like a very good plan to me.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 14, 2016, 05:33:43 AM
Quote from: vandermolen on December 14, 2016, 12:33:33 AM
Sounds like a very good plan to me.  :)
Quote from: NikF on December 13, 2016, 09:18:26 PM
Yeah, it sounds great indeed. Hope you both have a great time. :) Also: as before,  stay --->  8)
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on December 13, 2016, 09:02:38 PM
^^ good luck Mirror Image pal!  8)

Thanks a lot, guys! I'll try to stay cool, Nik. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on December 14, 2016, 06:30:43 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 13, 2016, 08:59:43 PM
I'll be taking Kate to see the new Star Wars film this coming Monday. Before the show, we're going to have dinner. So...dinner and a movie. A cliched date idea for sure, but seeing this new Star Wars film on an IMAX screen with my special someone sounds great to me. 8)

So much better than dinner and Stockhausen concert. So very much better.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 14, 2016, 07:29:36 AM
Quote from: Ken B on December 14, 2016, 06:30:43 AM
So much better than dinner and Stockhausen concert. So very much better.

Indeed, Ken. If she liked Stockhausen, I'd probably have to dump her. ;) ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: lisa needs braces on December 14, 2016, 04:09:01 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 10, 2016, 05:49:22 AM
Thanks for dropping by. ::) By your token, nobody is worth knowing and a person should be alone for the rest of their life. Sorry, but life is much more fulfilling when there are people in it that genuinely care about you. That's what truly matters.

Female love is primarily opportunistic. Yes, life is more fulfilling when there are people in it that genuinely care about you. Female romantic love however is opportunistic and prays upon that desire, and it can be withdrawn without guilt or shame when a better opportunity comes along. We men have a desperate need to be approved and accepted by a female we find sexually desirable, and this desire goes beyond a mere need for sex. However, women don't have that same pressing need to be accepted by men, though they need men's resources and commitment to carry out their biological imperative -- to become mothers. To women, we males are merely a tool to achieve that end, and the desperate male need for female companionship is the upper hand that women use to keep men in exploitative arrangements where the man is merely a mule who grudgingly gets tokens of affection and sex every once in a while on the condition that he keeps being a mule.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 14, 2016, 04:51:40 PM
Quote from: -abe- on December 14, 2016, 04:09:01 PM
However, women don't have that same pressing need to be accepted by men, though they need men's resources and commitment to carry out their biological imperative -- to become mothers. To women, we males are merely a tool to achieve that end,
Part of what you're saying is true, except for the fact that you're overlooking couples who don't have kids (and where the woman doesn't want them). That really doesn't fit in with this. I think saying that women don't have the same need for acceptance from men is a huge assumption, and probably mostly wrong.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NJ Joe on December 14, 2016, 06:04:55 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 13, 2016, 08:59:43 PM
I'll be taking Kate to see the new Star Wars film this coming Monday. Before the show, we're going to have dinner. So...dinner and a movie. A cliched date idea for sure, but seeing this new Star Wars film on an IMAX screen with my special someone sounds great to me. 8)

John, this sounds like a great second date! Glad the first date went well for you my friend. Great pic too! Just be yourself and the rest will follow.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 14, 2016, 06:51:49 PM
Quote from: NJ Joe on December 14, 2016, 06:04:55 PM
John, this sounds like a great second date! Glad the first date went well for you my friend. Great pic too! Just be yourself and the rest will follow.

Thanks, Joe, but later on this afternoon the detective inside of me came to fore. I'm naturally an inquisitive person, so here's what I began to think about: 1. she dated someone back in her country of Thailand for 10 years but broke up with him (as she claimed) once she came to the States, 2. she had a career as a computer programmer also back in her country but left that behind when came here, in which she also left her entire family behind, and 3. she's 34 years old and is over here studying English (and whatever else) and her mother is an English professor! I don't get this at all. What would be her true reasoning to be in the States studying? Why did she break up with her boyfriend after that long of a time together? Were they married? If yes, why did they divorce? There just seems to be a red flag somewhere and I'm going to find out. I need answers. She knows about me and my own life and I'm sure she has her own questions, but I don't see this thing going any further if she doesn't supply me with some logical answers. I'm not going to go into the date thinking negatively, because, right now, I have nothing to be negative about, but, like I mentioned, if her answer isn't good enough for me. I'm out the door.

P.S. I'm still going to see the new Star Wars with or without her. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 14, 2016, 07:22:03 PM
One thing I need to learn, and really I should already know by now, is to not count my chickens before they hatch. I don't mean to be so pessimistic about all of this, but things just aren't adding up like they should.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 14, 2016, 07:24:23 PM
So your basic question is why she left everything behind to come to the US? I don't see a red flag in there... don't think of it as such. Really, what is the worst reason that it could be? What do you really have to lose?  ::)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 14, 2016, 07:37:44 PM
Quote from: greg on December 14, 2016, 07:24:23 PM
So your basic question is why she left everything behind to come to the US? I don't see a red flag in there... don't think of it as such. Really, what is the worst reason that it could be? What do you really have to lose?  ::)

I personally don't have anything to lose except for the hope of creating a bond with her. I don't really think you've thought too much about this, Greg. It just doesn't make a lot of sense for someone to break up with a person she's been dating for 15 years and come to a country to study and leave behind a good paying job and her family. My fear is if things do become serious for us and her intentions aren't genuine, then at some point I'm left holding the bag, because, for me, the last stop in a serious relationship is marriage (if someone believes in that). Why would someone date someone for 15 years and not get married, especially since in her culture marriage is the norm? My fears are not without foundation as I believe people do things for certain reasons. My main question is why, after all of those years spent in Thailand with a good paying job and, from what she's told me, a good family, would someone leave that behind? Like I said, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt, but if she can't supply me with something that is logical and reasonable, I'll just chalk this whole thing up to experience and leave it at that.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 14, 2016, 08:07:00 PM
Also, she's from Bangkok and if she was 'bored' with her career, there's plenty of other jobs she could get. She claims everyone in her family can speak excellent English but her, but why not just learn from her English professor mom? Strange...
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on December 14, 2016, 10:43:26 PM
Quote from: -abe- on December 14, 2016, 04:09:01 PMWe men have a desperate need to be approved and accepted by a female we find sexually desirable, and this desire goes beyond a mere need for sex. However, women don't have that same pressing need to be accepted by men, though they need men's resources and commitment to carry out their biological imperative -- to become mothers.

Speak for yourself buddy.

QuoteTo women, we males are merely a tool to achieve that end, and the desperate male need for female companionship is the upper hand that women use to keep men in exploitative arrangements where the man is merely a mule who grudgingly gets tokens of affection and sex every once in a while on the condition that he keeps being a mule.

Somebody dumped you, eh?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NJ Joe on December 15, 2016, 04:51:39 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 14, 2016, 08:07:00 PM
Also, she's from Bangkok and if she was 'bored' with her career, there's plenty of other jobs she could get. She claims everyone in her family can speak excellent English but her, but why not just learn from her English professor mom? Strange...

I get your points, John, and agree the questions are worth pursuing.  "Cautious optimism" is a phrase I like to use and apply to my own situation (not dating related, but you know to what I'm referring).

So go out tonight, have a good time, and gently do your due diligence. There may certainly be valid reasons for everything she's doing, and unrelated to you.  Maybe she had a really bad break-up or wanted to get away from her family, or all of the above. You never know.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on December 15, 2016, 05:14:41 AM
John, breaking up with someone you've been with for a long time could be EXACTLY the reason to move elsewhere and start a whole new life.

You're curious, that's all right, but don't jump to conclusions until you truly know there's something you're not comfortable with.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 15, 2016, 05:36:46 AM
Quote from: NJ Joe on December 15, 2016, 04:51:39 AM
I get your points, John, and agree the questions are worth pursuing.  "Cautious optimism" is a phrase I like to use and apply to my own situation (not dating related, but you know to what I'm referring).

So go out tonight, have a good time, and gently do your due diligence. There may certainly be valid reasons for everything she's doing, and unrelated to you.  Maybe she had a really bad break-up or wanted to get away from her family, or all of the above. You never know.

Quote from: Rinaldo on December 15, 2016, 05:14:41 AM
John, breaking up with someone you've been with for a long time could be EXACTLY the reason to move elsewhere and start a whole new life.

You're curious, that's all right, but don't jump to conclusions until you truly know there's something you're not comfortable with.

Thank you both. You're both quite right that I shouldn't let my own suspicions taint what could possibly become a meaningful relationship. I'm going to find out everything that has been weighing me down lately on Monday.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on December 15, 2016, 05:39:22 AM
John. Chill.

Talk to her. Don't make it an inquisition.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 15, 2016, 05:45:18 AM
Quote from: Ken B on December 15, 2016, 05:39:22 AM
John. Chill.

Talk to her. Don't make it an inquisition.

Will do, Ken. 8) I'm not sure if I can chill out, though. ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 15, 2016, 05:51:41 AM
Quote from: Ken B on December 15, 2016, 05:39:22 AM
John. Chill.

Talk to her. Don't make it an inquisition.

Yeah, that's it.

Just remember to keep breathing, nice and easy. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 15, 2016, 05:52:28 AM
Quote from: NikF on December 15, 2016, 05:51:41 AM
Yeah, that's it.

Just remember to keep breathing, nice and easy. :)

I will try, Nik. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on December 15, 2016, 06:17:22 AM
Quote from: -abe- on December 14, 2016, 04:09:01 PM
Female love is primarily opportunistic. Yes, life is more fulfilling when there are people in it that genuinely care about you. Female romantic love however is opportunistic and prays upon that desire, and it can be withdrawn without guilt or shame when a better opportunity comes along. We men have a desperate need to be approved and accepted by a female we find sexually desirable, and this desire goes beyond a mere need for sex. However, women don't have that same pressing need to be accepted by men, though they need men's resources and commitment to carry out their biological imperative -- to become mothers. To women, we males are merely a tool to achieve that end, and the desperate male need for female companionship is the upper hand that women use to keep men in exploitative arrangements where the man is merely a mule who grudgingly gets tokens of affection and sex every once in a while on the condition that he keeps being a mule.
What the fuck?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on December 15, 2016, 06:22:09 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 14, 2016, 06:51:49 PM
Thanks, Joe, but later on this afternoon the detective inside of me came to fore. I'm naturally an inquisitive person, so here's what I began to think about: 1. she dated someone back in her country of Thailand for 10 years but broke up with him (as she claimed) once she came to the States, 2. she had a career as a computer programmer also back in her country but left that behind when came here, in which she also left her entire family behind, and 3. she's 34 years old and is over here studying English (and whatever else) and her mother is an English professor! I don't get this at all. What would be her true reasoning to be in the States studying? Why did she break up with her boyfriend after that long of a time together? Were they married? If yes, why did they divorce? There just seems to be a red flag somewhere and I'm going to find out. I need answers. She knows about me and my own life and I'm sure she has her own questions, but I don't see this thing going any further if she doesn't supply me with some logical answers. I'm not going to go into the date thinking negatively, because, right now, I have nothing to be negative about, but, like I mentioned, if her answer isn't good enough for me. I'm out the door.

I don't see any major problem here. You don't know if the 10-year relationship was a good one, and evidence is it probably wasn't - for one thing, he didn't come with her; for another, as Bob Odenkirk once memorably titled an essay, "Nine Years Is the Exact Right Amount of Time to Be in a Bad Relationship."

(EDIT: Also, it is not generally accepted to talk about past relationships early in a new one!)

And "why is she here studying English when she could talk to her mom" is not an issue either. After all, my mom was an English professor and I got a master's in English...in England.  8) ...and my mom came to the USA to study English, too, even though she had already read Anna Karenina in English in her Turkish high school.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NJ Joe on December 15, 2016, 06:30:36 AM
Quote from: Ken B on December 15, 2016, 05:39:22 AM
John. Chill.

Talk to her. Don't make it an inquisition.

Exactly.

Remember:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAn7baRbhx4
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on December 15, 2016, 06:39:37 AM
Quote from: Brian on December 15, 2016, 06:17:22 AM
What the fuck?
I think you mean, What the masturbate?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 15, 2016, 06:43:04 AM
Quote from: Brian on December 15, 2016, 06:22:09 AM
I don't see any major problem here. You don't know if the 10-year relationship was a good one, and evidence is it probably wasn't - for one thing, he didn't come with her; for another, as Bob Odenkirk once memorably titled an essay, "Nine Years Is the Exact Right Amount of Time to Be in a Bad Relationship."

(EDIT: Also, it is not generally accepted to talk about past relationships early in a new one!)

And "why is she here studying English when she could talk to her mom" is not an issue either. After all, my mom was an English professor and I got a master's in English...in England.  8) ...and my mom came to the USA to study English, too, even though she had already read Anna Karenina in English in her Turkish high school.  8)

Always the level-headed one. Thanks, Brian. You've made some good points, but I've always prided myself in open and honest communication with people and if I don't talk to her about this relationship, then, ultimately, it's not going to lead to any genuinely good feelings and will, over time, continue to weigh me down. I'm not the kind of person that lets things that are of a concern to me continue to pass over me. I'm going to be a gentleman, but I do need to know about this relationship, because that kind of time, especially back in her country, brings up a few questions I have. It may not be socially acceptable to talk about past relationships so early, but I haven't necessarily committed myself to her yet. Again, I believe I jumped the gun rather quickly in believing that I'm now in a relationship, but I need to just take a couple of steps back and examine what this could potentially mean for myself and my own future.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: mc ukrneal on December 15, 2016, 06:55:10 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 14, 2016, 07:37:44 PM
I personally don't have anything to lose except for the hope of creating a bond with her. I don't really think you've thought too much about this, Greg. It just doesn't make a lot of sense for someone to break up with a person she's been dating for 15 years and come to a country to study and leave behind a good paying job and her family. My fear is if things do become serious for us and her intentions aren't genuine, then at some point I'm left holding the bag, because, for me, the last stop in a serious relationship is marriage (if someone believes in that). Why would someone date someone for 15 years and not get married, especially since in her culture marriage is the norm? My fears are not without foundation as I believe people do things for certain reasons. My main question is why, after all of those years spent in Thailand with a good paying job and, from what she's told me, a good family, would someone leave that behind? Like I said, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt, but if she can't supply me with something that is logical and reasonable, I'll just chalk this whole thing up to experience and leave it at that.
Can I suggest you just slow down? You're worried she might not be marriage material and you've only been seeing her for like a week? It's fine to want answers and all that, but you don't want it to be a quiz (or inquisition as Ken said). These may be difficult for her discuss (or she may not yet have the English down to say it as she would like). And she may not be in a rush to tell you everything (or rather, she may have her own schedule - not yours). None of this is necessarily bad. I also understand your not wanting to get hurt - but that said, it is not realistic to find someone who doesn't have baggage or issues of their own (And that they wouldn't want to be forthcoming about all of that on a second (?) date).

On the 'mother is an English teacher in a foreign country thing', I've known English teachers in other countries who could not hold a normal conversation in English, in part because they had only learned from books and never travelled abroad. I've also know kids of parents that teach or speak a foreign language and not learned the language. I can say that of myself. My own mother spoke a language fluently and never spoke it to me (for various reasons, some typical of that generation), but that I became interested in learning when I got older (and considered moving to that country for a time to do so).

Another suggestion I'd make is to not to start trying to answer all these questions yourself. You are creating stories in your head, none of which are the answer exactly. Keep the questions in mind (and you will probably have many more, some about more mundane things, some about compatibility) and ask about them when the opportunity arises. But if you start worrying about the answers, you will a) get yourself in a tizzy (too late I fear) and b) start creating a 'truth' about her that has nothing to do with the real truth.

Anyway, just go have fun! :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 15, 2016, 07:00:22 AM
Thanks a lot for your response, Neal. Like Brian, you have some excellent points. I suppose it doesn't help me that I can be quite neurotic all the time sometimes. ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on December 15, 2016, 07:35:56 AM
I agree with everything Neal said. There will come a time when you trust her deeply, or don't trust her deeply, and can talk about these things, or not talk about these things, and believe (or not) her replies. But right now your goal is just to get out of your own head and have a good time with another person. Having fun comes first, then something deeper, then both at the same time. Keep an open mind.

Remember not to make it about you. When my best friend started dating a guy, she could have thought, "He's 43 and hasn't dated anyone since high school. What's wrong with him?? He must have terrible secrets!" Instead she thought, "Everyone missed out and I got lucky." They're happily married now, and they're practically inseparable. But imagine what could have gone wrong if she'd started with a more "rational" attitude.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 15, 2016, 07:41:12 AM
It's natural that in the course of getting to know someone things get discussed, including previous relationships. But when I meet a woman, the number and length and nature of her past relationships are really none of my business.

So, less of 'I sense a disturbance in The Force...' and more of going out and enjoying getting to know and having fun with your date.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 15, 2016, 07:56:23 AM
Quote from: Brian on December 15, 2016, 07:35:56 AM
I agree with everything Neal said. There will come a time when you trust her deeply, or don't trust her deeply, and can talk about these things, or not talk about these things, and believe (or not) her replies. But right now your goal is just to get out of your own head and have a good time with another person. Having fun comes first, then something deeper, then both at the same time. Keep an open mind.

Remember not to make it about you. When my best friend started dating a guy, she could have thought, "He's 43 and hasn't dated anyone since high school. What's wrong with him?? He must have terrible secrets!" Instead she thought, "Everyone missed out and I got lucky." They're happily married now, and they're practically inseparable. But imagine what could have gone wrong if she'd started with a more "rational" attitude.

Quote from: NikF on December 15, 2016, 07:41:12 AM
It's natural that in the course of getting to know someone things get discussed, including previous relationships. But when I meet a woman, the number and length and nature of her past relationships are really none of my business.

So, less of 'I sense a disturbance in The Force...' and more of going out and enjoying getting to know and having fun with your date.  :)


You're both quite right. I should just loosen up a bit and have a good time in the accompaniment of a beautiful woman. What more could one ask for?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 15, 2016, 08:55:09 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 12, 2016, 08:24:05 PM
Well...now diverting the attention away from me: what's been going on with you guys? Anything new going on?

I initially didn't have a reply to this, but I do now. It's just a nice example of innocent flirting.

I'd gone to the box office of a venue to solve a problem with an online booking. I explained to the woman behind the counter who patiently listened and was all apologetic about it. And she was not unattractive, maybe early 40s and had a great smile.
After a few seconds tapping on her keyboard she told me it had been taken care of. I thanked her and commented that she had resolved it quickly and with such a friendly manner that it was a real pleasure to deal with her. She smiled again, but then quickly changed it to a look of exaggerated, almost incredulous surprise. She sat up straight and - I want to stress this was done in a non-erotic manner - she placed both her hands below her breasts and slowly smoothed down her shirt, showing how flat her stomach is while saying "And, can you believe I've an 18 year old daughter and a 20 year old son?!" ;D
I bit my tongue in order to refrain from making the hardwired response "Oh yeah? Tell me more about the 18 year old daughter? (https://i.sli.mg/z0OboB.gif) "

That's the sort of fun and harmless exchange that can help make my day. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on December 15, 2016, 09:12:20 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 15, 2016, 07:56:23 AM
You're both quite right. I should just loosen up a bit and have a good time in the accompaniment of a beautiful woman. What more could one ask for?

I wouldn't waste time by dwelling on what you 'should' do. I think the point made earlier about open and honest communication is a good one. Things will become clearer over time anyway.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 15, 2016, 03:35:50 PM
Quote from: Rinaldo on December 14, 2016, 10:43:26 PM
Somebody dumped you, eh?
That's the impression I got, too.  >:D


Quote from: Mirror Image on December 15, 2016, 07:56:23 AM
You're both quite right. I should just loosen up a bit and have a good time in the accompaniment of a beautiful woman. What more could one ask for?
There you go! Now just stop at that and everything will likely go well.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 15, 2016, 06:44:47 PM
Quote from: vandermolen on December 15, 2016, 09:12:20 AM
I wouldn't waste time by dwelling on what you 'should' do. I think the point made earlier about open and honest communication is a good one. Things will become clearer over time anyway.

Indeed, Jeffrey. 8)


Quote from: greg on December 15, 2016, 03:35:50 PMThere you go! Now just stop at that and everything will likely go well.

I will certainly try! :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 17, 2016, 10:26:08 AM
Last night I'd a date with the woman I'd previously gone to the Ravel/Bavouzet concert with. One of the agencies I've worked with had their Xmas party and as usual sent me tickets and so we went and visited the land of the six foot plus beautiful people. I had a chat with a few of them and then got cornered by a drunk MUA. Eventually my date offered to take me back to her place and read my tarot for fun. I've never heard it called that before.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 18, 2016, 01:20:06 PM
Quote from: NikF on December 17, 2016, 10:26:08 AM
Last night I'd a date with the woman I'd previously gone to the Ravel/Bavouzet concert with. One of the agencies I've worked with had their Xmas party and as usual sent me tickets and so we went and visited the land of the six foot plus beautiful people. I had a chat with a few of them and then got cornered by a drunk MUA. Eventually my date offered to take me back to her place and read my tarot for fun. I've never heard it called that before.

Yep, you're one smooth, cool cat. 8) Btw, MUA? What does this mean? Are you going to go on another with that woman?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 18, 2016, 01:34:07 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 18, 2016, 01:20:06 PM
Yep, you're one smooth, cool cat. 8) Btw, MUA? What does this mean? Are you going to go on another with that woman?
Yes, I think I'll see her again. But not soon, because this year I'm planning to avoid Xmas as much as possible by going away for a little while.  ;D
When are you and your date going to see Star Wars? Is it today?

e: MUA = makeup artist.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 18, 2016, 01:50:38 PM
Quote from: NikF on December 17, 2016, 10:26:08 AM
read my tarot for fun. I've never heard it called that before.
"Tarot and chill"
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 18, 2016, 01:58:36 PM
Quote from: NikF on December 18, 2016, 01:34:07 PM
Yes, I think I'll see her again. But not soon, because this year I'm planning to avoid Xmas as much as possible by going away for a little while.  ;D
When are you and your date going to see Star Wars? Is it today?

e: MUA = makeup artist.

We'll be going to see Star Wars tomorrow. I hear you about the Christmas thing. I'd like to avoid it, too, but, unfortunately, I work retail and the Holiday Season brings nothing but chaos and a bitter taste in my mouth. Thankfully, Christmas is on Sunday as I'm off from Hell on Sundays and Mondays. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 18, 2016, 02:28:15 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 18, 2016, 01:58:36 PM
We'll be going to see Star Wars tomorrow. I hear you about the Christmas thing. I'd like to avoid it, too, but, unfortunately, I work retail and the Holiday Season brings nothing but chaos and a bitter taste in my mouth. Thankfully, Christmas is on Sunday as I'm off from Hell on Sundays and Mondays. :)
Good. I hope it goes well - I'm sure it will - and I'll look out for any update you might post. As ever ->  8)


Quote from: greg on December 18, 2016, 01:50:38 PM
"Tarot and chill"
Yeah, some women will use any excuse to get their pentacles all over a guy.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 18, 2016, 03:02:23 PM
Quote from: NikF on December 18, 2016, 02:28:15 PMGood. I hope it goes well - I'm sure it will - and I'll look out for any update you might post. As ever ->  8)

Thanks, Nik. I'm really looking forward to the date. Rain is in the forecast, but I'm hoping it passes over.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on December 18, 2016, 03:13:16 PM
Hope it goes well from me too John.
Jeffrey
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 18, 2016, 03:23:14 PM
Quote from: vandermolen on December 18, 2016, 03:13:16 PM
Hope it goes well from me too John.
Jeffrey

Thanks, Jeffrey. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 19, 2016, 08:35:11 PM
In my initial message that is now deleted, I said some things that I regretted as this woman is really fighting for me and has explained a lot about her culture to me tonight. Her parents were so strict that she wasn't even allowed to kiss her boyfriend of 15 years, but they broke up because he slept with her best friend and they are now expecting a child. Even though she didn't fully explain why she left Thailand, which in hindsight is none of my business truth be told, I'm understanding everything much better and clearer now. Anyway, I originally sent her a text message explaining why I couldn't see her again as I thought our differences are just too great, but she really showed me how much she cared for me by telling me this in a series of messages (I'm exempting my own messages):

"I'm very sad to hear about that. I like you very much. For me, you are a gentleman."

"Can you hold my hand and we can try to solve this problem?"

"I want to put my heart in your hands."

"I don't want to lose you."

"Next time if we have another problem, then please try to talk with me before you make any decision."


Hear me everybody, I never had a woman tell me these things. I'll be honest here and say I feel like a giant ass and looking back at my own messages I was a complete jerk even though at that time I felt I was being honest. As Brian mentioned, I can't get wrapped up in my own thoughts and head game. It's about her and not about me. It's about what she wants and what she desires. I need to stop being so damn selfish and actually listen to the needs of the person that genuinely likes me and wants to be around me. Right now, I'm feeling better and much more reassured that this could potentially be something much greater than what is now.

I want to thank all of you guys for your support and advice. When I get trapped in my own mind, it becomes quite a dangerous place to be. Also, I felt after I sent her that initial text message that I really didn't want to lose her either, but thought to myself "Well, now you blew it like you always do. Way to go idiot!"

Oh and the new Star Wars was quite good. I didn't like it as much as The Force Awakens, but it's still a fun flick with lots of great action sequences. I loved the Darth Vader scenes. I wished there were more of those. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on December 19, 2016, 08:48:17 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 19, 2016, 08:35:11 PM
It's about what she wants and what she desires. I need to stop being so damn selfish and actually listen to the needs of the person that genuinely likes me and wants to be around me. Right now, I'm feeling better and much more reassured that this could potentially be something much greater than what is now.

I want to thank all of you guys for your support and advice. When I get trapped in my own mind, it becomes quite a dangerous place to be. Also, I felt after I sent her that initial text message that I really didn't want to lose her either, but thought to myself "Well, now you blew it like you always do. Way to go idiot!"
This might seem like you're being mean to yourself, but there's a good thing happening here - that the voices in your head are a dialogue rather than a chorus. Something that's very helpful* is to fight the Voice That Says Bad Things by cultivating a devil's advocate voice that will argue against you. I remember a couple times where, instead of whining a bunch of self-pity to my friends about woe is me and all the terrible things happening, I imagined whining all that stuff to them, and then imagined their response. Which was usually along the lines of, shut up and deal with it, but maybe a little more constructive than that.  ;D And that genuinely helped.

*(in depression, in my [past] case)

So if you have a voice telling you that you need to break out of the head-space and get to know this other person, who's another equal consciousness, well, that's a great thing. Almost as great as having another person who is happy to show you how much they care.

I would say meet again sooner rather than later this time and do something fun and cherish that someone cares about you that much that quickly!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 19, 2016, 08:48:45 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on December 19, 2016, 08:41:43 PM
^^ As always, I wish you the best of luck Mirror Image


It's a good preamble in a way, or a reminder to always stay level-headed with whatever future relationships I may have. Going to university next year will also open a ton of potential opportunities both good and bad. I relate to you MI, quite a bit in a way though because I think too deeply about everything, which doesn't always have the best consequences  :-[

Message to self: Stay level-headed but optimistic  ;)

Please, you can call me, John and thanks so much. Being level-headed is something I need to put into practice. Kate (the woman I'm seeing) is very level-headed and doesn't have her head in the clouds. She's direct and to-the-point, which is something I should put into practice as well. :)

Oh and you're about to embark on a lot of different things just remember to be honest in whatever you're doing and if you do meet a woman, then make everything you do for her about her and only her. It's not about you anymore when you enter a relationship and if she feels the same way, then expect a lot of positive energy to come your way. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 19, 2016, 08:59:48 PM
Quote from: Brian on December 19, 2016, 08:48:17 PM
This might seem like you're being mean to yourself, but there's a good thing happening here - that the voices in your head are a dialogue rather than a chorus. Something that's very helpful* is to fight the Voice That Says Bad Things by cultivating a devil's advocate voice that will argue against you. I remember a couple times where, instead of whining a bunch of self-pity to my friends about woe is me and all the terrible things happening, I imagined whining all that stuff to them, and then imagined their response. Which was usually along the lines of, shut up and deal with it, but maybe a little more constructive than that.  ;D And that genuinely helped.

*(in depression, in my [past] case)

So if you have a voice telling you that you need to break out of the head-space and get to know this other person, who's another equal consciousness, well, that's a great thing. Almost as great as having another person who is happy to show you how much they care.

I would say meet again sooner rather than later this time and do something fun and cherish that someone cares about you that much that quickly!

Thanks a lot, Brian. Yeah, getting out of my own head was a good exercise and something I need to do from now on. Self-doubt and my own lack of self-esteem need to be checked at the door. I really should stop finding fault with everything that's potentially good in my life. I'm not sure where all of this comes from, but I realized tonight that it truly needs to stop.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 19, 2016, 09:15:00 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 19, 2016, 08:35:11 PM

Hear me everybody, I never had a woman tell me these things. I'll be honest here and say I feel like a giant ass and looking back at my own messages I was a complete jerk even though at that time I felt I was being honest. As Brian mentioned, I can't get wrapped up in my own thoughts and head game. It's about her and not about me. It's about what she wants and what she desires. I need to stop being so damn selfish and actually listen to the needs of the person that genuinely likes me and wants to be around me. Right now, I'm feeling better and much more reassured that this could potentially be something much greater than what is now.

I want to thank all of you guys for your support and advice. When I get trapped in my own mind, it becomes quite a dangerous place to be. Also, I felt after I sent her that initial text message that I really didn't want to lose her either, but thought to myself "Well, now you blew it like you always do. Way to go idiot!"

Oh and the new Star Wars was quite good. I didn't like it as much as The Force Awakens, but it's still a fun flick with lots of great action sequences. I loved the Darth Vader scenes. I wished there were more of those. 8)

I believe that having someone tell you such things for the first time is even more reason to pause and take it slow. There's always value to be found in taking time to stop and reassess.

Having that, if there's one piece if advice I can offer that I'd hope you consider (and this is going to sound faintly ridiculous) it's to make sure you eat and sleep properly. And maybe take a walk once in a while or something, you know? That might be obvious, but it's important you do so, because while you want to make it be about her and not about you (and that's a fine view to hold) you need to look after number one - and that will always be yourself. I'll put that another way; if you can't take care if your own needs, then how can you take care of anyone else?

And keep breathing, nice and easy.    8) :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 19, 2016, 09:28:38 PM
Quote from: NikF on December 19, 2016, 09:15:00 PM
I believe that having someone tell you such things for the first time is even more reason to pause and take it slow. There's always value to be found in taking time to stop and reassess.

Having that, if there's one piece if advice I can offer that I'd hope you consider (and this is going to sound faintly ridiculous) it's to make sure you eat and sleep properly. And maybe take a walk once in a while or something, you know? That might be obvious, but it's important you do so, because while you want to make it be about her and not about you (and that's a fine view to hold) you need to look after number one - and that will always be yourself. I'll put that another way; if you can't take care if your own needs, then how can you take care of anyone else?

And keep breathing, nice and easy.    8) :)

I completely understand what you're saying, Nik. I will say there was a reason as to why I felt an emptiness after I sent her that initial message and that reason was I couldn't stand the thought of going another day looking for every reason to dump someone. Also, you don't really know anything about me other than what my tastes in music are. You don't know my dating history (or lack thereof). I don't want to end up alone, but I don't want to be with someone I don't truly love. I think I was looking after myself whenever I began to question myself and then guess what happened? Self-doubt and all of my anxieties and bad qualities took over and poisoned what could have been something that was great in my life. Like I said, I understand where you're coming from and I do understand the need to take things slow. I'd say we're moving pretty slowly. I don't see us getting married tomorrow. In fact, I don't even see marriage anywhere on the horizon, but knowing that someone is honest with me as I am with them is reason enough to smile and nod my head along. The problem I've always encountered was the fact that I was making something about me. I'm guarding my heart and I'll continue to guard it, but she definitely seemed like she didn't want me out of her life after sending her that rather hasty, judgmental text message I initially sent and that meant a lot to me.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on December 19, 2016, 11:43:39 PM
One of the best bits of advice I had from a Buddhist friend, when agonising over what decision to make in a very difficult situation, was:

'If I were you Jeffrey I'd stop worrying about what you are going to do.' In other words wait and see.

This relates to the Taoist saying: 'Do that which consists of no action' which can be very difficult if you are upset or agonising about something.

I also agree with NikF's point about looking after yourself John.

I would write more but am in a rush - maybe sometimes 'less is more' anyway!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 20, 2016, 06:08:18 AM
Quote from: vandermolen on December 19, 2016, 11:43:39 PM
One of the best bits of advice I had from a Buddhist friend, when agonising over what decision to make in a very difficult situation, was:

'If I were you Jeffrey I'd stop worrying about what you are going to do.' In other words wait and see.

This relates to the Taoist saying: 'Do that which consists of no action' which can be very difficult if you are upset or agonising about something.

I also agree with NikF's point about looking after yourself John.

I would write more but am in a rush - maybe sometimes 'less is more' anyway!

Thanks, Jeffrey. I'm just going where the mood strikes me. I'm not in a rush for anything right now other than to have a good time with someone that genuinely enjoys my company and loves being around me. Small steps at a time.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on December 20, 2016, 06:12:21 AM
Quote from: NikF on December 19, 2016, 09:15:00 PM
I believe that having someone tell you such things for the first time is even more reason to pause and take it slow. There's always value to be found in taking time to stop and reassess.


Yes. At the risk of being a downer for all involved it sounds to me like you are both reacting a bit too emotionally. Not in a good way.  I get the feeling you are both freighting this with too much weight and tension and urgency. Urgency is bad.

My suggestion is: Make a date for sometime *after* the holidays. Not for some symbolic date like Xmas or New Years. Don't see each other until then. Then talk and see how you each feel.

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 20, 2016, 06:25:42 AM
Quote from: Ken B on December 20, 2016, 06:12:21 AM
Yes. At the risk of being a downer for all involved it sounds to me like you are both reacting a bit too emotionally. Not in a good way.  I get the feeling you are both freighting this with too much weight and tension and urgency. Urgency is bad.

My suggestion is: Make a date for sometime *after* the holidays. Not for some symbolic date like Xmas or New Years. Don't see each other until then. Then talk and see how you each feel.

I'm on vacation starting after New Year's, so this is when I plan to get together with her again. I don't think we're both going too fast at all. In fact, it was nice to hear some reassurance that she does enjoy my company, which encouraged me to continue forward. As I mentioned, I'm still guarding my heart and treading carefully. She's from a completely different culture, but I told her she's going to have to learn how to adapt to our culture if she wishes to stay here.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on December 20, 2016, 06:57:33 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 20, 2016, 06:25:42 AM
She's from a completely different culture, but I told her she's going to have to learn how to adapt to our culture if she wishes to stay here.
Hrm...this feels like a whole different can of worms...

I think the most difficult adapting my mom has had to do is dealing with American grocery store tomatoes being garbage  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 20, 2016, 07:16:08 AM
Quote from: Brian on December 20, 2016, 06:57:33 AM
Hrm...this feels like a whole different can of worms...

I think the most difficult adapting my mom has had to do is dealing with American grocery store tomatoes being garbage  ;D

What I mean is whatever culture you find yourself in, one has to learn to adapt to it and the first thing to do to want to fit in and understand it better would be to learn the language of the land. Since English seems to be the de facto of our country, one would have to learn it, which she is doing and I must say she's improving.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Parsifal on December 20, 2016, 03:14:07 PM
You probably don't want any advice from me, but having a friend from a different culture can be an extremely enriching experience. It will allow you to see that there are absurd things you take for granted in your own culture, while giving a window into another culture. My wife is from Russia, and just knowing her I found out that virtually everything that we heard about Soviet Union during the cold war was utterly wrong. If you can let go of the idea that it is impossible for you to have coffee or go to the movies with someone unless you are comfortable marrying that person, you might find it fun to know someone from a very different culture.

Regarding all of the answers you require from this person, I personally find it is best to judge people mainly by how they interact with me. If you earn the trust of that person you will eventually find out everything you need to know.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 20, 2016, 07:44:08 PM
Quote from: Scarpia on December 20, 2016, 03:14:07 PM
You probably don't want any advice from me, but having a friend from a different culture can be an extremely enriching experience. It will allow you to see that there are absurd things you take for granted in your own culture, while giving a window into another culture. My wife is from Russia, and just knowing her I found out that virtually everything that we heard about Soviet Union during the cold war was utterly wrong. If you can let go of the idea that it is impossible for you to have coffee or go to the movies with someone unless you are comfortable marrying that person, you might find it fun to know someone from a very different culture.

Regarding all of the answers you require from this person, I personally find it is best to judge people mainly by how they interact with me. If you earn the trust of that person you will eventually find out everything you need to know.

Thanks a lot, Scarpia. I appreciate your input. I know we haven't been on the best of terms and I also know I've been an absolute jerk to you many times in the past. I'm sorry for everything I've said to you.

I have to say learning about Kate has been a rather enjoyable experience so far. I have found that the more I know is actually the less I know. I've been doing my best to keep an open-mind and whatever she wants to tell me, I'm all for that. On our second date, I pretty much dropped the whole role of interrogator. I don't want to come across as an ass. Life's too short for that kind of nonsense.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on December 21, 2016, 12:23:40 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 20, 2016, 06:08:18 AM
Thanks, Jeffrey. I'm just going where the mood strikes me. I'm not in a rush for anything right now other than to have a good time with someone that genuinely enjoys my company and loves being around me. Small steps at a time.
That sounds great John.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on December 21, 2016, 06:45:45 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 20, 2016, 07:44:08 PM
I don't want to come across as an ass. Life's too short for that kind of nonsense.

(https://i.makeagif.com/media/8-07-2015/QcV8j6.gif)

;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 22, 2016, 03:00:37 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 20, 2016, 07:44:08 PM
On our second date, I pretty much dropped the whole role of interrogator. I don't want to come across as an ass. Life's too short for that kind of nonsense.
Good. When is the third date?  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 22, 2016, 08:08:01 PM
Quote from: greg on December 22, 2016, 03:00:37 PM
Good. When is the third date?  8)

After New Year's (Jan. 2nd). I wanted to see her after the holidays, which seemed like a good idea at the time. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 23, 2016, 05:38:14 AM
It won't do either of you any harm at all to have this interval. And you'll probably find the time will fly past anyway. Ah, I remember what it's like to be waiting to see someone again.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 23, 2016, 05:58:50 AM
Quote from: NikF on December 23, 2016, 05:38:14 AM
It won't do either of you any harm at all to have this interval. And you'll probably find the time will fly past anyway. Ah, I remember what it's like to be waiting to see someone again.  :)

Sure, there's nothing wrong with a little time away. Since I work retail, I'll be quite tired after Christmas Eve anyway. I'm just going to chill out for awhile and listen to some music. Like I have always done. ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on December 23, 2016, 06:04:27 AM
Funny how the world spins sometimes. A month or so ago, I came across a photo of a woman that was basically the definition of my 'type'. It was just a profile picture on Twitter (o tempora, o mores!), but – instant crush. I've checked her website, a travel blog filled with gorgeous photographs. Aside from the fact that those were taken by her partner, I immediately concluded that she's from a much fancier world and wouldn't bother with a punk like me. Well, maybe she eventually won't, but in the meantime, she – by pure chance – tuned in to my radio show and liked what she heard. I couldn't believe it's the same person but what do you know, she's single now and we're having coffee in January.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 23, 2016, 06:34:40 AM
Quote from: Rinaldo on December 23, 2016, 06:04:27 AM
Funny how the world spins sometimes. A month or so ago, I came across a photo of a woman that was basically the definition of my 'type'. It was just a profile picture on Twitter (o tempora, o mores!), but – instant crush. I've checked her website, a travel blog filled with gorgeous photographs. Aside from the fact that those were taken by her partner, I immediately concluded that she's from a much fancier world and wouldn't bother with a punk like me. Well, maybe she eventually won't, but in the meantime, she – by pure chance – tuned in to my radio show and liked what she heard. I couldn't believe it's the same person but what do you know, she's single now and we're having coffee in January.

That's really great.  :)
As for the 'she's from a much fancier world and wouldn't bother with a punk like me', that's how it works the majority of the time, yes. I've been on the receiving end of that. But there are always exceptions - and the fact that those exist means you just go out, you be yourself, you make the most of it and see what happens.  8)
Roll on January for the GMG dating crew!  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on December 23, 2016, 07:43:37 AM
Quote from: NikF on December 23, 2016, 06:34:40 AMRoll on January for the GMG dating crew!  ;D

Hide yo daughters, hide yo wives, secure your prosthetic limbs!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on December 23, 2016, 07:45:41 AM
Quote from: Rinaldo on December 23, 2016, 07:43:37 AM
Hide yo daughters, hide yo wives, secure your prosthetic limbs!
BTW, what radio show do you do? I ask because I was classical music director of two radio stations in past.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 23, 2016, 07:53:28 AM
Quote from: Rinaldo on December 23, 2016, 06:04:27 AM
Funny how the world spins sometimes. A month or so ago, I came across a photo of a woman that was basically the definition of my 'type'. It was just a profile picture on Twitter (o tempora, o mores!), but – instant crush. I've checked her website, a travel blog filled with gorgeous photographs. Aside from the fact that those were taken by her partner, I immediately concluded that she's from a much fancier world and wouldn't bother with a punk like me. Well, maybe she eventually won't, but in the meantime, she – by pure chance – tuned in to my radio show and liked what she heard. I couldn't believe it's the same person but what do you know, she's single now and we're having coffee in January.

Great stuff, Rinaldo. I wish you the best. Hoping things go well for you.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on December 24, 2016, 04:33:13 AM
Quote from: Ken B on December 23, 2016, 07:45:41 AMBTW, what radio show do you do? I ask because I was classical music director of two radio stations in past.

Cool, did you enjoy it?

I work part-time for the oldest 'alternative' radio here in Prague. We used to have a show with my wife that ran through the night, so we could play basically anything, from rock to electronica to classical stuff (mostly contemporary, although I did manage to slip some baroque in the playlist from time to time). Today, I'm a regular DJ and I have a weekly show covering music from videogames. I'd love to work for a classical station eventually – I even auditioned for one and got the job but then life happened and changed my plans. But I do like the work: introducing people to new music and interacting with them on air occasionally.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on December 24, 2016, 05:40:57 AM
Quote from: Rinaldo on December 24, 2016, 04:33:13 AM
Cool, did you enjoy it?

I work part-time for the oldest 'alternative' radio here in Prague. We used to have a show with my wife that ran through the night, so we could play basically anything, from rock to electronica to classical stuff (mostly contemporary, although I did manage to slip some baroque in the playlist from time to time). Today, I'm a regular DJ and I have a weekly show covering music from videogames. I'd love to work for a classical station eventually – I even auditioned for one and got the job but then life happened and changed my plans. But I do like the work: introducing people to new music and interacting with them on air occasionally.
Cool.
Yes I did like it, for some of the reasons you list, like exposing people (and myself) to new stuff. It helps that I have a face for radio.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 27, 2016, 08:21:00 PM
Kate and I are going to be having lunch this coming Monday at an Italian restaurant I've read good things about. We were originally going to have dinner, but she had something come up to where she wasn't going to be able to make it. I don't really like lunch dates too much, but at least she didn't outright cancel the whole thing.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 27, 2016, 08:38:12 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on December 27, 2016, 08:30:31 PM
Concerning me as a university student in the next two months, I find it hard to imagine that I won't find someone over the next year or so. Considering that it IS the ideal place for people with similar interests and career goals to meet eachother  8)

As the mature person I am though, relationships aren't close to the top of my priority list..but if it happens, it happens  ;)
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on December 27, 2016, 08:27:46 PM
^^ Have a great time John :)

Thanks, Josh. I wouldn't worry too much about meeting someone at your university, because there will be women everywhere. If you show an interest at all, you'll find someone while you're there, but just have fun. Your studies are what really matters right now. When you're on a school break, however, that'll be a completely different matter. ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on December 29, 2016, 02:52:14 PM
Quote from: Rinaldo on December 23, 2016, 06:04:27 AM
Funny how the world spins sometimes. A month or so ago, I came across a photo of a woman that was basically the definition of my 'type'. It was just a profile picture on Twitter (o tempora, o mores!), but – instant crush. I've checked her website, a travel blog filled with gorgeous photographs. Aside from the fact that those were taken by her partner, I immediately concluded that she's from a much fancier world and wouldn't bother with a punk like me. Well, maybe she eventually won't, but in the meantime, she – by pure chance – tuned in to my radio show and liked what she heard. I couldn't believe it's the same person but what do you know, she's single now and we're having coffee in January.
Awesome!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 30, 2016, 09:20:21 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 27, 2016, 08:21:00 PM
Kate and I are going to be having lunch this coming Monday at an Italian restaurant I've read good things about. We were originally going to have dinner, but she had something come up to where she wasn't going to be able to make it. I don't really like lunch dates too much, but at least she didn't outright cancel the whole thing.
Sounds good. Lunch dates can be a different kind of vibe, but also much fun.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on December 30, 2016, 10:17:50 AM
Quote from: Ken B on December 24, 2016, 05:40:57 AM
Cool.
Yes I did like it, for some of the reasons you list, like exposing people (and myself) to new stuff. It helps that I have a face for radio.
And this is similar to the reason my job is behind the camera, rather than in front of it.  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on December 31, 2016, 07:23:26 PM
Quote from: NikF on December 30, 2016, 09:20:21 AM
Sounds good. Lunch dates can be a different kind of vibe, but also much fun.  :)

A bit of change of plans. I decided to meet up with her this Friday as the weather here hasn't been that great and I'm rather tired coming off this 'holiday rush'. I'm off Sunday and Monday and I begin an eight day vacation starting this Friday, so I'll kick off my time off on a positive note. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 01, 2017, 01:52:37 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on December 31, 2016, 07:23:26 PM
A bit of change of plans. I decided to meet up with her this Friday as the weather here hasn't been that great and I'm rather tired coming off this 'holiday rush'. I'm off Sunday and Monday and I begin an eight day vacation starting this Friday, so I'll kick off my time off on a positive note. :)

That sounds good too. Hope you enjoy your break.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on January 01, 2017, 05:15:02 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 01, 2017, 01:52:37 AM
That sounds good too. Hope you enjoy your break.  :)
Me too.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 01, 2017, 06:04:06 AM
Quote from: vandermolen on January 01, 2017, 05:15:02 AM
Me too.
Quote from: NikF on January 01, 2017, 01:52:37 AM
That sounds good too. Hope you enjoy your break.  :)

Thanks guys. I appreciate it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 04, 2017, 08:08:33 PM
Any good news anyone?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on January 04, 2017, 09:52:31 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 04, 2017, 08:08:33 PM
Any good news anyone?

Yeah. I have come to realise that there is no one in Melbourne I am even remotely interested in when it comes to dates and such. Give me music instead PLEASE.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 05, 2017, 04:11:32 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 04, 2017, 08:08:33 PM
Any good news anyone?

Nothing new for me. I went away for xmas and never even met anyone to have a fling with. Huh.  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 05, 2017, 06:48:16 AM
Quote from: jessop on January 04, 2017, 09:52:31 PMYeah. I have come to realise that there is no one in Melbourne I am even remotely interested in when it comes to dates and such. Give me music instead PLEASE.

You're still a young guy, so your opinion may very well change over time.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 05, 2017, 06:48:52 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 05, 2017, 04:11:32 AM
Nothing new for me. I went away for xmas and never even met anyone to have a fling with. Huh.  ;D

Damn, you're losing your touch. ;) ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 05, 2017, 07:15:01 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 05, 2017, 06:48:52 AM
Damn, you're losing your touch. ;) ;D

Yeah, maybe I've finally 'jumped the shark'.  ???  :D
However, I've a concert (or a ballet?) next week. The bonus when attending such events is the foyer beforehand and bar during the interval, because they (very) occasionally result in me being approached by women who want to comment on the book I'm reading or ask about a *scarf I'm wearing. ;D

* scarves might be my one affectation...  :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 05, 2017, 06:53:56 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 05, 2017, 07:15:01 AM
Yeah, maybe I've finally 'jumped the shark'.  ???  :D
However, I've a concert (or a ballet?) next week. The bonus when attending such events is the foyer beforehand and bar during the interval, because they (very) occasionally result in me being approached by women who want to comment on the book I'm reading or ask about a *scarf I'm wearing. ;D

* scarves might be my one affectation...  :laugh:

You are a true ladies man. ;) I've been noticing something different about myself lately, it seems that more and more women are smiling at me and taking notice or it could just be my imagination. I've been 'playing it cool' throughout all of the holidays and I'm carrying this 'coolness' with me almost unknowingly now. 8) Good luck at that concert, I hope you meet someone.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on January 05, 2017, 11:24:17 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 04, 2017, 08:08:33 PMAny good news anyone?

Yup ;)

Quote from: Mirror Image on January 05, 2017, 06:53:56 PMI've been noticing something different about myself lately, it seems that more and more women are smiling at me and taking notice or it could just be my imagination. I've been 'playing it cool' throughout all of the holidays and I'm carrying this 'coolness' with me almost unknowingly now. 8)

That's the spirit!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 06, 2017, 01:20:35 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 05, 2017, 06:53:56 PM
I've been noticing something different about myself lately, it seems that more and more women are smiling at me and taking notice or it could just be my imagination. I've been 'playing it cool' throughout all of the holidays and I'm carrying this 'coolness' with me almost unknowingly now. 8) Good luck at that concert, I hope you meet someone.

You're probably more relaxed about the whole 'I would like to meet someone' thing and as a result maybe holding yourself a little differently or something and so people are picking up on it. When someone feels good about who they are from within (as opposed to seeking out or relying on external validation) it's both obvious and hugely attractive. :)
Anyway, enjoy it. Just go along your way, simply returning any attention and looks you receive with a smile or friendly nod and keep taking it easy.  8) It really is the way to live. :)

Quote from: Rinaldo on January 05, 2017, 11:24:17 PM
Yup ;)


I'm wondering if it's about the woman with the travel blog you planned to have coffee with? Either way, good stuff. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on January 06, 2017, 04:38:22 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 06, 2017, 01:20:35 AMWhen someone feels good about who they are from within (as opposed to seeking out or relying on external validation) it's both obvious and hugely attractive.

Truer words haven't been spoken written in this thread.

QuoteI'm wondering if it's about the woman with the travel blog you planned to have coffee with? Either way, good stuff. :)

Yup again. Just our first date, so I'm keeping my enthusiasm where it should be at this point, but man oh man, she's exactly what I imagined and then some.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 06, 2017, 05:04:55 AM
Quote from: Rinaldo on January 06, 2017, 04:38:22 AM

Yup again. Just our first date, so I'm keeping my enthusiasm where it should be at this point, but man oh man, she's exactly what I imagined and then some.

That's so great.  8)  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 06, 2017, 06:07:19 AM
Quote from: Rinaldo on January 05, 2017, 11:24:17 PM
Yup ;)

That's the spirit!

8)

Quote from: NikF on January 06, 2017, 01:20:35 AM
You're probably more relaxed about the whole 'I would like to meet someone' thing and as a result maybe holding yourself a little differently or something and so people are picking up on it. When someone feels good about who they are from within (as opposed to seeking out or relying on external validation) it's both obvious and hugely attractive. :)
Anyway, enjoy it. Just go along your way, simply returning any attention and looks you receive with a smile or friendly nod and keep taking it easy.  8) It really is the way to live. :)

I'm wondering if it's about the woman with the travel blog you planned to have coffee with? Either way, good stuff. :)

That's very possible, Nik. I'm just not really looking for anyone and so, like you mentioned, this relaxed feeling permeates my everyday life. It's so good to be wanted and on the other side of the coin for a change. ;) ;D That was my ego speaking not me...haha.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 06, 2017, 06:08:49 AM
Quote from: Rinaldo on January 06, 2017, 04:38:22 AMYup again. Just our first date, so I'm keeping my enthusiasm where it should be at this point, but man oh man, she's exactly what I imagined and then some.

This is great to hear, Rinaldo. I hope it goes well for you. Wishing you the best of luck.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 06, 2017, 06:19:42 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 06, 2017, 06:07:19 AM
8)

That's very possible, Nik. I'm just not really looking for anyone and so, like you mentioned, this relaxed feeling permeates my everyday life. It's so good to be wanted and on the other side of the coin for a change. ;) ;D That was my ego speaking not me...haha.

Yeah. :) And remember that those qualities you possess that resulted in you feeling wanted have always been part of you. They didn't suddenly appear overnight, nor will they instantly disappear. That relaxed feeling is available on tap 24/7.
Anyway, isn't this the start of your vacation? Hope it's a good one. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 06, 2017, 07:19:37 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 06, 2017, 06:19:42 AM
Yeah. :) And remember that those qualities you possess that resulted in you feeling wanted have always been part of you. They didn't suddenly appear overnight, nor will they instantly disappear. That relaxed feeling is available on tap 24/7.
Anyway, isn't this the start of your vacation? Hope it's a good one. :)

That's certainly true, Nik. I just didn't know how to tap into that kind of attitude before. Yep, today starts my vacation. Thanks a lot. I've got my date tonight and I'm pretty stoked about seeing her again after this mini-break.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 06, 2017, 12:55:54 PM
I meant to comment on this before -

Quote from: jessop on January 04, 2017, 09:52:31 PM
Yeah. I have come to realise that there is no one in Melbourne I am even remotely interested in when it comes to dates and such. Give me music instead PLEASE.

jessop friendzones an entire city all at once. Awesome. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on January 06, 2017, 02:41:07 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 06, 2017, 12:55:54 PM
I meant to comment on this before -

jessop friendzones an entire city all at once. Awesome. ;D
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Ok I think it is just a temporary frame of mind for me. I have no idea who awaits for me in the future :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 06, 2017, 02:48:23 PM
Well, I had to cancel my date tonight due to the weather. A winter storm advisory is out for the Southeastern US. Not a big deal really as I plan to meet up on Monday at the same time.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on January 06, 2017, 02:51:43 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 06, 2017, 02:48:23 PM
Well, I had to cancel my date tonight due to the weather. A winter storm advisory is out for the Southeastern US. Not a big deal really as I plan to meet up on Monday at the same time.
Sorry to hear about the weather! I hope Monday goes well :)

What sort of weather do you get in Georgia at this time of year anyway?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 06, 2017, 04:17:09 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 05, 2017, 06:53:56 PM
You are a true ladies man. ;) I've been noticing something different about myself lately, it seems that more and more women are smiling at me and taking notice or it could just be my imagination. I've been 'playing it cool' throughout all of the holidays and I'm carrying this 'coolness' with me almost unknowingly now. 8) Good luck at that concert, I hope you meet someone.
I noticed a few months ago every now and then if I were in a good mood or laughing to myself at whatever joke I made up my head and was walking past a cute girl, I'd tend to look at her for just a few seconds too long- but then the girl would start smiling back, kind of in a flirty way. But maybe that was my imagination, too. But I know exactly what you're talking about, since I think it's the same thing.

Though I started to get into the habit enough that it just kind of got awkward because you have the confidence to keep looking at them but have no plans to talk to them, so then you have to look away because then it just gets weird.  ;D

Quote from: Rinaldo on January 06, 2017, 04:38:22 AM
Yup again. Just our first date, so I'm keeping my enthusiasm where it should be at this point, but man oh man, she's exactly what I imagined and then some.
Good to hear!  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 06, 2017, 07:45:03 PM
Quote from: jessop on January 06, 2017, 02:51:43 PM
Sorry to hear about the weather! I hope Monday goes well :)

What sort of weather do you get in Georgia at this time of year anyway?

Thanks, Jessop. No worries, man. Stuff happens. Georgia winters vary. We might get two days where it actually snows and the coldest day I remember of recent times was 4℉ (15.5℃). Some winters we don't get any snow at all, but many days of lower temperatures.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 06, 2017, 07:51:49 PM
Quote from: greg on January 06, 2017, 04:17:09 PMI noticed a few months ago every now and then if I were in a good mood or laughing to myself at whatever joke I made up my head and was walking past a cute girl, I'd tend to look at her for just a few seconds too long- but then the girl would start smiling back, kind of in a flirty way. But maybe that was my imagination, too. But I know exactly what you're talking about, since I think it's the same thing.

Though I started to get into the habit enough that it just kind of got awkward because you have the confidence to keep looking at them but have no plans to talk to them, so then you have to look away because then it just gets weird.  ;D

If a woman is smiling, regardless of whether it's in a flirty way or however you perceive it, it's a good thing for sure. I'm going to try and keep this 'coolness,' but, as I mentioned above, it's kind of just this unconscious thing I've been doing now and I suppose it works. The less interested I am in a woman, the more they seem to be interested in me and want to get to know me or so it seems. Of course, since you might say I'm in a relationship now, I don't really have to worry about any of this stuff right now. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 08, 2017, 05:58:35 PM
Plenty of Fish is getting annoying... same girls for the most part, limited age selection, etc. It only lets me go down to finding girls that are 22 at the youngest, instead of 18. So that's 4 years worth of girls that I'll never see profiles of. Good thing Tinder doesn't do that, or else what happened last month would have never happened.

(btw, That girl still hasn't texted me back, and it's been a week. Oh well, probably a good thing. She's into the hitting it and quitting it lifestyle, so probably better off to leave that alone).

One thing I've realized with these dating websites is that you might hear the advice to ask questions or say something funny or witty in the first message. Just don't waste your time on that (unless something instantly comes to mind from their profile, then why not). Just say hey. If they are interested, they'll reply. That simple.

Right now, just contacting any of the ones that seem to be my type. But honestly, I'm not really sure how many I'm going to even respond to if they responded back. I already chose not to respond to someone even after they said "hey" back (it's rare to get a message back on this site). I think I'm only messaging them because they actually don't look as unappealling as 80% of the women on the site.  :P POF isn't the best place to go if you're after pretty girls.

Still thinking about the time I saw one girl on Tinder. Japanese girl with a girly profile picture, says she's into video games and anime. That's basically 100% what I'm looking for. Never matched, though, sadly. I almost died of a heart attack instantly when I saw her profile.

Idk, sometimes I kinda think maybe I should contact girls that I felt like that toward. If you're only 70% into someone, why waste the time and energy? It's just that I really think I'll end up alone for the rest of my life because what I'm looking for is too specific and rare. I don't want to give up my freedom/single lifestyle for someone I'm only into 70-80%. 90% and above is what I'm looking for. And that is so incredibly rare- the one friend I met this year I'm about 90% into. 29 years of being alive and I've only met one person that is enough of my type that I would want to seriously date long term and consider marrying (if they proved themselves over time). Not very promising.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 08, 2017, 06:00:26 PM
What is everyone's "types," btw?

Just curious...
and I would say, for males or females, but I don't think there are any females in this thread? As usual, GMG. lol  :P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 08, 2017, 06:08:42 PM
To be honest with you, Greg, I think with those kind of narrow perimeters you've put on yourself, you will be alone. Not every woman can be a 100% or even a 70% (whatever these percentages really mean anyway). If you feel like you're alone, it's because you've chosen to be alone by sticking to an illusion you have built in your mind. Outside-of-the-box thinking is what you should really start considering at this point. There are some things that I'm not crazy about with this woman I'm currently dating, but I put those differences aside in order to make the kind of connection I want and, thankfully, there was an actual connection from the beginning. Ideally, I'd want a whole laundry list of things for my 'perfect' woman to have, but it's just not going to happen. By accepting reality for what it is, I'm actually quite happy right now and really enjoying my time with Kate so far. If you stop fantasizing about the woman of your dreams and allow actual reality to change you, then I think you'll find genuine happiness, but, until that time, I don't think you'll ever be truly content if you continue chasing that illusion.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 08, 2017, 06:24:54 PM
Quote from: greg on January 08, 2017, 06:00:26 PM
What is everyone's "types," btw?

Just curious...
and I would say, for males or females, but I don't think there are any females in this thread? As usual, GMG. lol  :P

I don't believe in types. Ultimately, all I ever wanted in a woman was the following 1. a mutual attraction/connection, 2. kind and down-to-earth, 3. has a good sense of humor, 4. intelligent, and 5. someone that will like me for who I am and not what I do, where I come from, what I have, etc.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 08, 2017, 08:02:01 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 08, 2017, 06:24:54 PM
I don't believe in types. Ultimately, all I ever wanted in a woman was the following 1. a mutual attraction/connection, 2. kind and down-to-earth, 3. has a good sense of humor, 4. intelligent, and 5. someone that will like me for who I am and not what I do, where I come from, what I have, etc.
But that is a type  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:


Quote from: Mirror Image on January 08, 2017, 06:08:42 PM
To be honest with you, Greg, I think with those kind of narrow perimeters you've put on yourself, you will be alone. Not every woman can be a 100% or even a 70% (whatever these percentages really mean anyway). If you feel like you're alone, it's because you've chosen to be alone by sticking to an illusion you have built in your mind. Outside-of-the-box thinking is what you should really start considering at this point. There are some things that I'm not crazy about with this woman I'm currently dating, but I put those differences aside in order to make the kind of connection I want and, thankfully, there was an actual connection from the beginning. Ideally, I'd want a whole laundry list of things for my 'perfect' woman to have, but it's just not going to happen. By accepting reality for what it is, I'm actually quite happy right now and really enjoying my time with Kate so far. If you stop fantasizing about the woman of your dreams and allow actual reality to change you, then I think then you'll find happiness, but, until that time, I don't think you'll ever be truly content if you continue chasing that illusion.
I kinda think that "love at first sight" would be pretty awesome. Like what you said your parents experienced. Like a few months ago, when I first saw my friend, I thought "nice, who is this cute girl who chose to sit next to me?" And then from there, the more I got to know her, the more I liked her until I realized she checks more of the boxes than anyone I've met before.

The percentages are pretty much how close to ideal you want your partner to be.

Being single has its advantages- huge advantages. Your time is your time alone, and that is extremely important to me, as someone who is very introvert and needs that extra alone time each day to maintain my sanity. Someone would have to be extremely special for me to want to give that up, which is a given in any relationship.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 08, 2017, 08:17:06 PM
Quote from: greg on January 08, 2017, 08:02:01 PM
But that is a type  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I kinda think that "love at first sight" would be pretty awesome. Like what you said your parents experienced. Like a few months ago, when I first saw my friend, I thought "nice, who is this cute girl who chose to sit next to me?" And then from there, the more I got to know her, the more I liked her until I realized she checks more of the boxes than anyone I've met before.

The percentages are pretty much how close to ideal you want your partner to be.

Being single has its advantages- huge advantages. Your time is your time alone, and that is extremely important to me, as someone who is very introvert and needs that extra alone time each day to maintain my sanity. Someone would have to be extremely special for me to want to give that up, which is a given in any relationship.

The remarkable thing here is I wasn't expecting someone like Kate to enter my life. In fact, like you, I was becoming more and more content with just being by myself and tried to stop worrying about whether I'd find someone. The minute I stopped worrying was the same moment I found Kate. I was extremely close to just throwing in the towel for good and if I hadn't have met Kate, I certainly would have. I'm certainly not implying that you should 'settle' for someone you're not attracted to or have no interest in, but I do want you to bear in mind that you can't have it all. Also, if you truly valued your alone time and like being by yourself, then you wouldn't be on this thread discussing any of this with me or anyone else. There's something inside of you that's incomplete, Greg. You feel it yourself or, like I've mentioned, you wouldn't bother coming here. I'd love for you to meet someone and have that positive connection, but you'll never have any kind of connection whatsoever if you continuously check off things you like or don't like about someone, because, honestly, you're no prized chicken. You have your own flaws like everyone else in this universe. I think it's time to stop being so unrealistic and start putting yourself out there. It seems like to me you are your own worst enemy and it shouldn't be that way at all.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on January 08, 2017, 11:27:38 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 08, 2017, 08:17:06 PM
The remarkable thing here is I wasn't expecting someone like Kate to enter my life. In fact, like you, I was becoming more and more content with just being by myself and tried to stop worrying about whether I'd find someone. The minute I stopped worrying was the same moment I found Kate. I was extremely close to just throwing in the towel for good and if I hadn't have met Kate, I certainly would have. I'm certainly not implying that you should 'settle' for someone you're not attracted to or have no interest in, but I do want you to bear in mind that you can't have it all. Also, if you truly valued your alone time and like being by yourself, then you wouldn't be on this thread discussing any of this with me or anyone else. There's something inside of you that's incomplete, Greg. You feel it yourself or, like I've mentioned, you wouldn't bother coming here. I'd love for you to meet someone and have that positive connection, but you'll never have any kind of connection whatsoever if you continuously check off things you like or don't like about someone, because, honestly, you're no prized chicken. You have your own flaws like everyone else in this universe. I think it's time to stop being so unrealistic and start putting yourself out there. It seems like to me you are your own worst enemy and it shouldn't be that way at all.

'Give up and you will succeed' (Tao Te Ching).
I told you.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on January 09, 2017, 04:15:47 AM
Quote from: greg on January 08, 2017, 06:00:26 PM
What is everyone's "types," btw?

Just curious...
and I would say, for males or females, but I don't think there are any females in this thread? As usual, GMG. lol  :P
People tell me I'm too picky. But I prefer multilingual musicians  (but not trumpet, piano, or violin players...and not USUALLY guitarists) who are anywhere between my age and 10 years older than me.....also people who are extremely knowledgeable about various topics (particularly philosophy, theology, psychology, politics and history) me weak at the knees. I also like cute as well.....
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 09, 2017, 05:53:12 AM
Quote from: vandermolen on January 08, 2017, 11:27:38 PM
'Give up and you will succeed' (Tao Te Ching).
I told you.  8)

You certainly did, Jeffrey! ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 09, 2017, 08:56:54 AM
My 'type'? All things being equal, I'll say nubile 18 year olds. More exactly, nubile 18 year old models and dancers. But that's just for sex and this thread is about dating, so...

...similar values are what I look for. Shared interests are nice, but not essential. Confidence, kindness, empathy, consistency - those sorts of qualities. Schooldays are the time when whimsical notions such as "...and we even like the SAME MUSIC!" are considered viable foundations to build a relationship on. An adult, strong, healthy and happy long-term relationship requires more than that, although even with the best will in the world and you both striving to make it work, sometimes success still isn't guaranteed.

There's a third category of my 'type', that of the f***buddy (which isn't the same as 'friend with benefits') and the criteria for suitability is simple and basic and consists of the questions -
Does she enjoy sex?
Does she make herself available to me?
Is there any risk at all of her unexpectedly reappearing at my front door 48 hours later and singing love songs through the letter box?


Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: aleazk on January 09, 2017, 03:09:06 PM
Quote from: jessop on January 09, 2017, 04:15:47 AM
People tell me I'm too picky. But I prefer multilingual musicians  (but not trumpet, piano, or violin players...and not USUALLY guitarists) who are anywhere between my age and 10 years older than me.....also people who are extremely knowledgeable about various topics (particularly philosophy, theology, psychology, politics and history) me weak at the knees. I also like cute as well.....

lolz... now I get it all!  ;) :( :laugh:

btw... your dream other half will have to live in a world where the days are 50 hours each to achieve all that at the age of 19+10=29...  :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 09, 2017, 06:21:56 PM
I just wanted to tell everyone that Kate and I had a lot of fun on our date tonight. We're learning so much about each other. It's certainly been an education for me. I'm fascinated by her culture and she's interested in my culture (or lack thereof rather ;) ), but the best thing was I made her laugh a lot and we both continue to enjoy each other's company. Looking forward to our next date.

Here's a photo of us from tonight:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 09, 2017, 06:23:21 PM
Haha, those responses are amusing.



Quote from: Mirror Image on January 08, 2017, 08:17:06 PM
The remarkable thing here is I wasn't expecting someone like Kate to enter my life. In fact, like you, I was becoming more and more content with just being by myself and tried to stop worrying about whether I'd find someone. The minute I stopped worrying was the same moment I found Kate. I was extremely close to just throwing in the towel for good and if I hadn't have met Kate, I certainly would have. I'm certainly not implying that you should 'settle' for someone you're not attracted to or have no interest in, but I do want you to bear in mind that you can't have it all. Also, if you truly valued your alone time and like being by yourself, then you wouldn't be on this thread discussing any of this with me or anyone else. There's something inside of you that's incomplete, Greg. You feel it yourself or, like I've mentioned, you wouldn't bother coming here. I'd love for you to meet someone and have that positive connection, but you'll never have any kind of connection whatsoever if you continuously check off things you like or don't like about someone, because, honestly, you're no prized chicken. You have your own flaws like everyone else in this universe. I think it's time to stop being so unrealistic and start putting yourself out there. It seems like to me you are your own worst enemy and it shouldn't be that way at all.
Yeah, I may be overthinking it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 09, 2017, 06:25:06 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 09, 2017, 06:21:56 PM
I just wanted to tell everyone that Kate and I had a lot of fun on our date tonight. We're learning so much about each other. It's certainly been an education for me. I'm fascinated by her culture and she's interested in my culture (or lack thereof rather ;) ), but the best thing was I made her laugh a lot and we both continue to enjoy each other's company. Looking forward to our next date.

Here's a photo of us from tonight:
Cool! Glad you had fun.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 09, 2017, 06:25:26 PM
Quote from: greg on January 09, 2017, 06:25:06 PM
Cool! Glad you had fun.

Thanks my man! I appreciate it. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 09, 2017, 06:41:14 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 09, 2017, 06:21:56 PM
I just wanted to tell everyone that Kate and I had a lot of fun on our date tonight. We're learning so much about each other. It's certainly been an education for me. I'm fascinated by her culture and she's interested in my culture (or lack thereof rather ;) ), but the best thing was I made her laugh a lot and we both continue to enjoy each other's company. Looking forward to our next date.

Here's a photo of us from tonight:

I'm happy to hear that. :)  Good stuff.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 09, 2017, 06:43:20 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 09, 2017, 06:41:14 PM
I'm happy to hear that. :)  Good stuff.  8)

Thanks, Nik. Looks like waiting awhile to see each other again paid off well. ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 09, 2017, 07:46:25 PM
So about a week and a half ago, on my birthday, I got some texts (from someone who I didn't know was my birthday).

Not sure if anyone remembers, but there's this girl from Colombia (my friend's ex) who keeps on telling me she likes me and wants me to come to Colombia. For over 6 years now. I mean, sure, it would be fun to visit, but I really have no intent to go to Colombia, at least any time soon.

The problem is, maybe I did lead her on a little bit when I first started talking to her. I don't remember- it was so long ago. However, a few years ago, I got my friend to talk to her for me and tell her I'm not interested. I also told her that myself, although I don't remember how I worded it.

Maybe I'm not making myself clear enough? I learned that no response means a "no," but some people just don't get that. Really, directly telling a girl "no" is actually kinda painful- I really don't like doing it. Being so direct would make me feel like a jerk, but it seems she can't take the hint.

I did tell her I was seeing someone (even though that person I mentioned I'll probably never see again), but the problem is my fb always says "single," so I think she's going to keep asking every year or two.  :-X

(If she lived nearby, I would probably be dating her. She doesn't want to come to the U.S. But I wish she would just find a boyfriend or husband there and stop asking).  :-X
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 09, 2017, 07:51:08 PM
John, you look so relaxed that you almost look stoned. I think that's what happens when you get along with a girl you like, even if just friends. There's a picture of me and my friend, where I almost look stoned, too. You might have seen it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 09, 2017, 08:06:44 PM
Quote from: greg on January 09, 2017, 07:51:08 PM
John, you look so relaxed that you almost look stoned. I think that's what happens when you get along with a girl you like, even if just friends. There's a picture of me and my friend, where I almost look stoned, too. You might have seen it.

Hah! Well, thanks. I certainly was quite at ease tonight with Kate. She's so wonderful.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on January 09, 2017, 09:06:02 PM
Quote from: aleazk on January 09, 2017, 03:09:06 PM
lolz... now I get it all!  ;) :( :laugh:

btw... your dream other half will have to live in a world where the days are 50 hours each to achieve all that at the age of 19+10=29...  :laugh:

50 hours each? I already know a few people who fit the description!!! :P

And yeah piano is unfortunately a turnoff for me (and trumpet) but violin is even more so (and guitar slightly less so). I can't explain it........I have no idea why I am like this...................
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on January 09, 2017, 10:00:44 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 09, 2017, 06:21:56 PM
I just wanted to tell everyone that Kate and I had a lot of fun on our date tonight. We're learning so much about each other. It's certainly been an education for me. I'm fascinated by her culture and she's interested in my culture (or lack thereof rather ;) ), but the best thing was I made her laugh a lot and we both continue to enjoy each other's company. Looking forward to our next date.

Here's a photo of us from tonight:
Lovely photo - making her laugh is a very good sign.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: aleazk on January 09, 2017, 11:49:16 PM
Quote from: jessop on January 09, 2017, 09:06:02 PM
50 hours each? I already know a few people who fit the description!!! :P

wtf, where?
Tell me, I wanna date them too then!!!  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on January 10, 2017, 02:55:59 AM
Quote from: jessop on January 09, 2017, 09:06:02 PMI can't explain it........I have no idea why I am like this...................

You don't have to. We're a weird species.

Quote from: NikF on January 09, 2017, 08:56:54 AMConfidence, kindness, empathy, consistency - those sorts of qualities.

+1. I've always jokingly summed my preferences in two words, hips & intellect, but confidence is also where it's at for me. Plus I've got a thing for short haired gals, as evidenced by my current flame.

Quote from: Mirror Image on January 09, 2017, 06:21:56 PM
I just wanted to tell everyone that Kate and I had a lot of fun on our date tonight. We're learning so much about each other. It's certainly been an education for me. I'm fascinated by her culture and she's interested in my culture (or lack thereof rather ;) ), but the best thing was I made her laugh a lot and we both continue to enjoy each other's company. Looking forward to our next date.

John, you rock a leather jacket better than I ever could, I'm envious!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 10, 2017, 06:03:09 AM
Quote from: vandermolen on January 09, 2017, 10:00:44 PM
Lovely photo - making her laugh is a very good sign.

Thanks, Jeffrey. It's always great to see someone laugh at my moronic jokes. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 10, 2017, 06:04:39 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on January 09, 2017, 10:07:43 PM
I'm happy it's still going great for you John and Kate, you both look extremely happy  :D

Thanks, Josh. I'm just enjoying my time with her right now.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 10, 2017, 06:06:04 AM
Quote from: Rinaldo on January 10, 2017, 02:55:59 AMJohn, you rock a leather jacket better than I ever could, I'm envious!

Haha! ;D I doubt I rock anything, but thanks for the compliment nevertheless! 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 10, 2017, 07:07:33 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 10, 2017, 06:06:04 AM
Haha! ;D I doubt I rock anything, but thanks for the compliment nevertheless! 8)

No, that jacket is a good look for you. I'm sure I mentioned it in an earlier post.

Anyway, you both look happy and at ease with each other - to the point where Kate is clearly comfortable doing the 'hand on, staking a claim' kind of thing. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 10, 2017, 07:16:15 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 10, 2017, 07:07:33 AM
No, that jacket is a good look for you. I'm sure I mentioned it in an earlier post.

Anyway, you both look happy and at ease with each other - to the point where Kate is clearly comfortable doing the 'hand on, staking a claim' kind of thing. ;D

Thanks, Nik. Yes, you did mention it before and thanks again. Yes, I'm now a senior partner of Kate Enterprises. ;) :D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 11, 2017, 07:14:12 PM
A friend of mine finally found a cute girlfriend that is into cosplaying anime characters with him.  ;D

Good. I was starting to get worried- this guy would constantly post on facebook how miserable and depressed he was, to the point where I started worrying about him. Hopefully she will put his mind at ease. I heard about his girlfriend that he had a few years ago- tried to tear him away from his otaku hobbies. Obviously, it didn't end well. Gotta be careful of them normie girls.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on January 11, 2017, 07:25:46 PM
Quote from: greg on January 11, 2017, 07:14:12 PM
A friend of mine finally found a cute girlfriend that is into cosplaying anime characters with him.  ;D

Good. I was starting to get worried- this guy would constantly post on facebook how miserable and depressed he was, to the point where I started worrying about him. Hopefully she will put his mind at ease. I heard about his girlfriend that he had a few years ago- tried to tear him away from his otaku hobbies. Obviously, it didn't end well. Gotta be careful of them normie girls.
Oh my, sorry to hear that he had a normie who tried to do that to him! But great to hear that he found someone else 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 11, 2017, 07:53:40 PM
Quote from: jessop on January 11, 2017, 07:25:46 PM
Oh my, sorry to hear that he had a normie who tried to do that to him! But great to hear that he found someone else 8)
;D

I'm wondering if they actually met at the anime convention they went to. There's only one where I live now, but it's in October. I've never cosplayed before, but you know, I could do a little something. And maybe find what I'm looking for.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 13, 2017, 06:10:09 PM
Kate and I had another fun date tonight. We didn't really do anything special. We saw the new Underworld movie. It was a decent flick, but her presence sure does make me feel quite good and that's all that mattered to me.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on January 14, 2017, 07:48:07 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 13, 2017, 06:10:09 PM
Kate and I had another fun date tonight. We didn't really do anything special. We saw the new Underworld movie. It was a decent flick, but her presence sure does make me feel quite good and that's all that mattered to me.
Very pleased that it went well John.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 14, 2017, 07:52:11 AM
Quote from: vandermolen on January 14, 2017, 07:48:07 AM
Very pleased that it went well John.  :)

Thanks, Jeffrey. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 14, 2017, 08:21:04 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 13, 2017, 06:10:09 PM
Kate and I had another fun date tonight. We didn't really do anything special. We saw the new Underworld movie. It was a decent flick, but her presence sure does make me feel quite good and that's all that mattered to me.

Sounds good. Simple pleasures in life etc. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on January 14, 2017, 11:56:44 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 14, 2017, 08:21:04 AM
Sounds good. Simple pleasures in life etc. :)

True, sometimes 'less is more'  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 14, 2017, 06:51:34 PM
I broke it off with Kate tonight --- I won't go into any details. I'm quite relieved to be honest.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 14, 2017, 07:03:59 PM
Sorry to hear that. But it sounds like you've been honest with yourself - and that's always a really good thing.
Take it easy.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 14, 2017, 07:07:47 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 14, 2017, 07:03:59 PM
Sorry to hear that. But it sounds like you've been honest with yourself - and that's always a really good thing.
Take it easy.

Thanks, Nik. I never question myself whenever I'm in doubt or I have a bad feeling. There's a profound reason as to why I feel that way whether I can explain it intelligently or not.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 14, 2017, 07:23:22 PM
You can only do what you feel is right at the time.
Although you don't want to go into details, I'm sure that if at some point you want to chat about it I (or one of the others in the thread) would be happy to listen.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 14, 2017, 07:39:13 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 14, 2017, 07:23:22 PM
You can only do what you feel is right at the time.
Although you don't want to go into details, I'm sure that if at some point you want to chat about it I (or one of the others in the thread) would be happy to listen.

Thanks, Nik. I may shoot you a PM about it. It's not as complicated as I first made it out to be.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NJ Joe on January 15, 2017, 07:25:03 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 14, 2017, 06:51:34 PM
I broke it off with Kate tonight --- I won't go into any details. I'm quite relieved to be honest.

Sorry to hear this John, but if you're relieved then maybe it was for the best. Hang in there, buddy.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 07:45:09 AM
Quote from: NJ Joe on January 15, 2017, 07:25:03 AM
Sorry to hear this John, but if you're relieved then maybe it was for the best. Hang in there, buddy.

Thanks, Joe. :) Yes, I'm feeling great today! Feeling relieved is a bit of an understatement at this juncture. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 11:07:42 AM
Sent you a FB message about this, John.


As for me, I have this problem about talking to people. It's not just girls, even guys sometimes. Twice in the mall now, I've missed opportunities to possibly make friends.

The first time, some guys were checking out the heavy metal CD section and were talking about some bands. I could have said something, but I just stood there.

And yesterday, there were three girls around my age checking out the manga section and talking about some anime (such as Death Note) and I really wanted to say something, but I didn't.

I think it's just too much pressure because I want to have friends with the same interest so bad, that I just lock up.  :-X When I'm screaming at myself, "say something!" in my mind, then I just feel like doing the opposite.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on January 15, 2017, 12:49:47 PM
Quote from: greg on January 15, 2017, 11:07:42 AM
Sent you a FB message about this, John.


As for me, I have this problem about talking to people. It's not just girls, even guys sometimes. Twice in the mall now, I've missed opportunities to possibly make friends.

The first time, some guys were checking out the heavy metal CD section and were talking about some bands. I could have said something, but I just stood there.

And yesterday, there were three girls around my age checking out the manga section and talking about some anime (such as Death Note) and I really wanted to say something, but I didn't.

I think it's just too much pressure because I want to have friends with the same interest so bad, that I just lock up.  :-X When I'm screaming at myself, "say something!" in my mind, then I just feel like doing the opposite.
I have this problem too sometimes and for me it boils down to some kind of fear of them thinking of me as weird for interacting with them. Essentially a fear of rejection..........

I don't think the 'just do it' approach where you force yourself into a situation with too many unknowns will help, but have you ever thought of any exercises in human interaction to help you overcome this? Things where the outcome of an interaction is certainly negative will allow you to feel more comfortable in a situation where an outcome is likely some sort of 'rejection' whether it be a stranger thinks you are weird for talking to them (highly unlikely), asking someone out on a date etc. Becoming desensitised to this kind of rejection and being able to cope with high pressure situations for you where you just 'lock up' like that might help you to approach more people more confidently. Idk. What do you think?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 02:13:53 PM
Quote from: jessop on January 15, 2017, 12:49:47 PM
I have this problem too sometimes and for me it boils down to some kind of fear of them thinking of me as weird for interacting with them. Essentially a fear of rejection..........
I'm not sure if it's the same for me or not. Possibly.
In both cases I also felt crowded and not relaxed. And I felt like I had to hurry up and say something.

On the other end of the spectrum, at the party I went to in november (going to another one soon) I was able to more calmly talk to the people around me because I was able to lie back on the sofa for a while and be comfortable. Though it didn't amount to much.

But probably it may boil down to the inevitable feeling like I have to ask for their phone number or something if I want to be friends with them, which just feels weird to me. Most of the friends I made before, I met at work or school, so seeing them daily and having to interact with them, asking for their number seemed natural because we built up a friendship over time. Just instantly becoming friends/picking up a friend or gf is just weird to me.


Quote from: jessop on January 15, 2017, 12:49:47 PM
I don't think the 'just do it' approach where you force yourself into a situation with too many unknowns will help, but have you ever thought of any exercises in human interaction to help you overcome this? Things where the outcome of an interaction is certainly negative will allow you to feel more comfortable in a situation where an outcome is likely some sort of 'rejection' whether it be a stranger thinks you are weird for talking to them (highly unlikely), asking someone out on a date etc. Becoming desensitised to this kind of rejection and being able to cope with high pressure situations for you where you just 'lock up' like that might help you to approach more people more confidently. Idk. What do you think?
I'm wondering what type of "certainly negative" outcomes you have in mind.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 02:32:23 PM
Seriously thinking about reinstalling Tinder back on my phone and hopefully finding someone who is interested in relationship rather than a hookup. (Good luck, right?)

POF is... difficult. I'm starting to think finding a female equivalent for me on there (someone who matches on both looks and having no kids) who is also interested is just too much of a struggle. Tinder is so easy. Plenty of cute girls without kids will match and reply to your messages. I'd say most days I'll find a match if on there for 10 minutes (after that long, you likely won't match anyone the rest of the day). And half the time they'll respond to your messages. So if I were serious enough about it, I could probably find a new hookup every month for the next few months.

But I'm not really interested in hookups tbh. If I do have another hookup, it's because I'm utterly bored with my life and want some excitement, even if temporary.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 03:00:28 PM
Installed Tinder like 10 minutes and already got two matches and am talking about Fire Emblem with one of them. Seriously, screw POF.  :P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 03:13:51 PM
Quote from: greg on January 15, 2017, 03:00:28 PM
Installed Tinder like 10 minutes and already got two matches and am talking about Fire Emblem with one of them. Seriously, screw POF.  :P

Yeah, I'm about to delete my POF profile as well. Really worthless dating service and, like you mentioned, incredibly difficult to meet someone who a) will actually respond to one of your messages and b) wants to do more than just message each other back and forth.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 03:21:28 PM
Damn, well I can't delete my POF account right now as my profile has to be up for 24 hrs. before I can delete it. Oh well, I can wait. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 03:29:39 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 03:13:51 PM
Yeah, I'm about to delete my POF profile as well. Really worthless dating service and, like you mentioned, incredibly difficult to meet someone who a) will actually respond to one of your messages and b) wants to do more than just message each other back and forth.
I won't delete it, but I might not be on for a while if I don't get any more messages back over the next few days from certain people.

As far as unsolicited messages go, I've gotten plenty, but I'd say only one of them was someone who is actually attractive enough to consider. The problem is: she lives 1hr 15 minutes away. No thanks.  :-X

I've spent probably close to two weeks now on POF and probably over 10 minutes a day. I just see the same profiles over and over again. Tinder seems to have an endless stream of profiles- it's pretty crazy. If I spent that much time on Tinder, I'd have better results by now.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 03:32:33 PM
Quote from: greg on January 15, 2017, 03:29:39 PM
I won't delete it, but I might not be on for a while if I don't get any more messages back over the next few days from certain people.

As far as unsolicited messages go, I've gotten plenty, but I'd say only one of them was someone who is actually attractive enough to consider. The problem is: she lives 1hr 15 minutes away. No thanks.  :-X

I've spent probably close to two weeks now on POF and probably over 10 minutes a day. I just see the same profiles over and over again. Tinder seems to have an endless stream of profiles- it's pretty crazy. If I spent that much time on Tinder, I'd have better results by now.

I might end up going the Tinder route. I agree that POF has the same people over and over again and a lot of them won't even give you the time of day. Makes me wonder why they're even on a dating site if they're not going to actually converse with other people? ::)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 03:34:43 PM
This is the girl that sent me an unsolicited message on POF. Nice smile!

I look up her town and go "oh, f***..." People are killing me, getting my hopes up.

Idk, I just might respond anyway. Lol
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 03:36:50 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 03:32:33 PM
I might end up going the Tinder route. I agree that POF has the same people over and over again and a lot of them won't even give you the time of day. Makes me wonder why they're even on a dating site if they're not going to actually converse with other people? ::)
Because it's been proven the odds are against you if you're a guy. I believe there are double the amount of men on dating sites compared to women. As for Tinder, I have no idea. I just know there are a LOT of women on there.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 03:46:58 PM
Quote from: greg on January 15, 2017, 03:34:43 PM
This is the girl that sent me an unsolicited message on POF. Nice smile!

* * * * *

I look up her town and go "oh, f***..." People are killing me, getting my hopes up.

Idk, I just might respond anyway. Lol

Cool, how far away does she live?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 03:51:04 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 03:46:58 PM
Cool, how far away does she live?

Quote from: greg on January 15, 2017, 03:29:39 PM
As far as unsolicited messages go, I've gotten plenty, but I'd say only one of them was someone who is actually attractive enough to consider. The problem is: she lives 1hr 15 minutes away. No thanks.  :-X
I'm referring to this person. 1hr 15 minutes.  :-X
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 03:52:44 PM
Quote from: greg on January 15, 2017, 03:51:04 PM
I'm referring to this person. 1hr 15 minutes.  :-X

Well, consider you live in Des Moines now, I'm finding hard to believe there aren't any women closer to you.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 03:54:08 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 03:52:44 PM
Well, consider you live in Des Moines now, I'm finding hard to believe there aren't any women closer to you.
They are all on Tinder.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 03:55:07 PM
Quote from: greg on January 15, 2017, 03:54:08 PM
They are all on Tinder.

:) Must be.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 05:17:33 PM
I just got a message from this woman on Ok Cupid (another stupid dating site I'm currently on):

* * * * *

While Greg's posting photos of random women, I figured why not share something as well? Haha. Anyway, I doubt I'll respond back to her as she lives about 2 hours away.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 05:21:09 PM
2 hours... ugh. Yeah, that's not driving distance.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 05:31:48 PM
Quote from: greg on January 15, 2017, 05:21:09 PM
2 hours... ugh. Yeah, that's not driving distance.

Yeah, especially when there's got to be hundreds of single women closer.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 06:09:23 PM
I just installed a dating app called "Bumble." It's almost just like Tinder, except only the woman is allowed to message you after you match. Kinda nice.

So far, I got 5 women that liked my profile, so out of those 5, I chose 3 to "match." So I guess any of those three are allowed to send me a message, but they have to do so within 24 hours or the match goes away. I think that's how it works.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Gurn Blanston on January 15, 2017, 06:12:13 PM
Hey guys, do you think it is prudent to post pictures of these ladies here? It seems rather like something they wouldn't be too happy about if they knew about it. The fact that they DON'T know and are unlikely to troll through here anytime soon isn't really the determining factor there. I think it would be wise on your part to kind of hold some stuff back, OK?

GB  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 06:19:00 PM
Quote from: Gurn Blanston on January 15, 2017, 06:12:13 PM
Hey guys, do you think it is prudent to post pictures of these ladies here? It seems rather like something they wouldn't be too happy about if they knew about it. The fact that they DON'T know and are unlikely to troll through here anytime soon isn't really the determining factor there. I think it would be wise on your part to kind of hold some stuff back, OK?

GB  8)
True. I removed the picture in my post. But John will have to remove it from his post that he quoted from me.
Title: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Karl Henning on January 15, 2017, 06:21:21 PM
Good call.

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 06:45:40 PM
Sounds like a plan, Gurn. My apologies. :-[
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 06:48:51 PM
Quote from: greg on January 15, 2017, 06:09:23 PM
I just installed a dating app called "Bumble." It's almost just like Tinder, except only the woman is allowed to message you after you match. Kinda nice.

So far, I got 5 women that liked my profile, so out of those 5, I chose 3 to "match." So I guess any of those three are allowed to send me a message, but they have to do so within 24 hours or the match goes away. I think that's how it works.

Never heard of Bumble. Let me know if you get any bites, Greg.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 08:33:48 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 06:48:51 PM
Never heard of Bumble. Let me know if you get any bites, Greg.
One thing I noticed is that the women look way better on average than any dating site, even way better than Tinder.

I will have to limit all this to 10 minutes tomorrow. Way too much today. I think it's because I went to the Art Center today and thought it was awesome, but couldn't help think it would have been much more fun with a girl. Or at least with a friend, if my friend weren't sick. And also because boredom.

The one girl I matched with on Tinder that I was talking with about manga and anime with just a few hours ago I feel kind of conflicted about. That she's interested in the same thing- awesome. But other than one picture that of hers that looks great, none of the others I'm particularly into.

You might make the same speech to me "you shouldn't be so concerned about looks, shouldn't be so picky" etc., but man, I don't think I could go below whatever I think is a 7. And she might be a 6 at best. What happens if I see her and she wants to kiss and I'm not really feeling it? I would just lock up, not even consciously. Leading someone on and then turning them down is not something I enjoy- I'm not that sadistic.  ;D

Not the first time I tried to convince myself a girl is attractive because they message me talking about a common interest. I guess looks really go first for me, even if the person is a filthy normie. lol  :-X



Can I just forget about my friend who I will never get to date, the one who has good looks, great personality and common interests? That's what I'm looking for, I'd never even second guess that for a second. And I really think she'd be interested as well if things were different.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 15, 2017, 08:38:07 PM
I guess the gist of it is, you can make a normie girl an otaku but you can't make an ugly girl cute.

(I even got my mom into anime, and she's very much on the normal side).

This gin is getting to me, should probably stop posting now.  :P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 16, 2017, 02:00:25 PM
Got a girl that agreed to go out to eat with me sometime. Cute face, but the only problem is... no full body shots.  :-X

So no, I'm not going to flirt with her until I see her. She doesn't have to look like a fitness goddess or anything, just hoping she's at least somewhat close to being as fit as I am. If not, then I'll choose to have a good attitude about it and it could maybe lead to a friendship or something.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 16, 2017, 02:03:00 PM
Quote from: greg on January 16, 2017, 02:00:25 PM
Got a girl that agreed to go out to eat with me sometime. Cute face, but the only problem is... no full body shots.  :-X

So no, I'm not going to flirt with her until I see her. She doesn't have to look like a fitness goddess or anything, just hoping she's at least somewhat close to being as fit as I am. If not, then I'll choose to have a good attitude about it and it could maybe lead to a friendship or something.

Great! Where did you meet her at? Bumble? POF? Tinder?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 16, 2017, 02:53:26 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 15, 2017, 05:17:33 PM
I just got a message from this woman on Ok Cupid (another stupid dating site I'm currently on):

* * * * *

While Greg's posting photos of random women, I figured why not share something as well? Haha. Anyway, I doubt I'll respond back to her as she lives about 2 hours away.

So, did you respond?  Or did you decide the distance was too much?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 16, 2017, 03:02:25 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 16, 2017, 02:03:00 PM
Great! Where did you meet her at? Bumble? POF? Tinder?
Tinder. We agreed to eat at a sushi restaurant near my place next week, since she said this week is busy for her.

I did get a message on Bumble from someone- although she is a bit older (31), she's pretty hot. But that was earlier in the day, and she hasn't replied back, so eh.

I have a pretty amusing article about Bumble that I might share later.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 16, 2017, 03:47:41 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 16, 2017, 02:53:26 PM
So, did you respond?  Or did you decide the distance was too much?

No, I didn't respond, Nik. The distance is too great for me. She's certainly an attractive woman, though.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 16, 2017, 03:48:35 PM
Quote from: greg on January 16, 2017, 03:02:25 PM
Tinder. We agreed to eat at a sushi restaurant near my place next week, since she said this week is busy for her.

I did get a message on Bumble from someone- although she is a bit older (31), she's pretty hot. But that was earlier in the day, and she hasn't replied back, so eh.

I have a pretty amusing article about Bumble that I might share later.

Sounds good, Greg. Let us know how it goes.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 16, 2017, 03:56:51 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 16, 2017, 03:47:41 PM
No, I didn't respond, Nik. The distance is too great for me. She's certainly an attractive woman, though.

When I first met my ex I had to drive about 80 minutes either way. I know that's nothing for some, but it mounts up. So I don't blame you balking at two hours.

Yeah, I saw the photo. And it's a pity. But there are lots of attractive women out there. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 16, 2017, 04:33:01 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 16, 2017, 03:56:51 PM
When I first met my ex I had to drive about 80 minutes either way. I know that's nothing for some, but it mounts up. So I don't blame you balking at two hours.

Yeah, I saw the photo. And it's a pity. But there are lots of attractive women out there. :)

Indeed. I mean if I was driving a vehicle that got good gas mileage I might actually consider it, but two hours away just isn't worth the hassle, especially since she lives below Atlanta and I'd have to deal with that traffic every time I went to go see her. No thanks. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 16, 2017, 07:50:19 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 16, 2017, 03:48:35 PM
Sounds good, Greg. Let us know how it goes.
I will. But I'm gonna keep going at it in the meantime.

Couple more girls (both arguably a 10, and brunettes!) contacted me tonight. One of them I had a conversation going, but she stopped replying for half an hour and then got offline. Not sure what happened. No, I didn't say anything stupid.  ::)

I remember when I told my manager at my previous job that I was moving, the first thing he told me was to never, ever settle for a woman because I shouldn't ever have to. I agreed. Lol

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 16, 2017, 08:16:40 PM
Quote from: greg on January 16, 2017, 07:50:19 PM
I will. But I'm gonna keep going at it in the meantime.

Couple more girls (both arguably a 10, and brunettes!) contacted me tonight. One of them I had a conversation going, but she stopped replying for half an hour and then got offline. Not sure what happened. No, I didn't say anything stupid.  ::)

I remember when I told my manager at my previous job that I was moving, the first thing he told me was to never, ever settle for a woman because I shouldn't ever have to. I agreed. Lol

But eventually if you want to have a relationship with a woman then you will have to settle, but make sure you settle for someone that you could see yourself spending more and more time with.

Good luck with one of the brunettes. I signed up for Tinder tonight and have already liked many women's pictures. We'll see what happens.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on January 17, 2017, 08:29:04 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 14, 2017, 07:07:47 PM
I never question myself whenever I'm in doubt or I have a bad feeling. There's a profound reason as to why I feel that way whether I can explain it intelligently or not.
Curious, were you just elected president?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on January 17, 2017, 10:21:46 AM
It's interesting to read about the importance of driving distance for you guys. Over here, couples from two different cities on the opposite side of the country (100-200 miles) are nothing uncommon and they usually see each other over the weekends. I would've thought you 'muricans are used to long distances!

Speaking of those, the woman I'm seeing is going on a year-long humanitarian mission to the Middle East. I knew there was a catch as it would be too easy otherwise! But I'm looking forward to it – it's gonna be both a challenge and an opportunity (she already suggested I could visit her and I'm itching for some new travel experiences) and if the relationship survives it.. the sky's the limit.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 17, 2017, 10:36:29 AM
Quote from: Rinaldo on January 17, 2017, 10:21:46 AM

Speaking of those, the woman I'm seeing is going on a year-long humanitarian mission to the Middle East. I knew there was a catch as it would be too easy otherwise! But I'm looking forward to it – it's gonna be both a challenge and an opportunity (she already suggested I could visit her and I'm itching for some new travel experiences) and if the relationship survives it.. the sky's the limit.

Long-distance relationships are workable, although it depends on the individuals involved. In many ways they're like any other relationship, in that you need to have patience, understanding, and a full and active life outside the relationship itself in order for it to be loving and healthy. However, also like ordinary relationships, stuff like whining and immaturity are a killer. But you don't seem to be that type. 8) ;D You're right, it'll be a challenge. But what potential reward! :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on January 17, 2017, 12:48:47 PM
NikF...good to see Toots again  8)


Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 17, 2017, 12:52:02 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on January 17, 2017, 12:48:47 PM
NikF...good to see Toots again  8)


Sarge

Yeah, but it's for one night only or until I can find another profile picture. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on January 17, 2017, 12:56:13 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 17, 2017, 12:52:02 PM
Yeah, but it's for one night only or until I can find another profile picture. ;D

Well, then...I'll just enjoy while it lasts  ;)

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 17, 2017, 04:20:14 PM
So I decided to use the swipe right for all strategy on Tinder. I did have to pay $10 for a month of unlimited likes, but this may be amusing, at least (or depressing).

Problem is, you end up messaging someone and it breaks up your flow. Amazing how many women are on here. Probably swiped right on a couple hundred of them just now.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 17, 2017, 05:54:53 PM
Well, looks like I have someone to "have drinks with" this weekend.  (living by myself is great- I can go out and have drinks without judgemental parents now! Yay!)

I didn't flirt with her in my messages because in her full body picture, it's really hard to tell how heavy she is. Looks like a few extra pounds, but that I can tolerate since her face:  0:)  0:) 0:) wonderful lol. As long as she isn't super big when I meet her, I will show her my interest.  8) 

She did mention drinking with friends at one point, but tbh I don't know yet if I'll be meeting her with friends or alone. If with friends, that might not be a bad thing at all!

John, I suggest you do what I did. It's only $10. You might have some interesting results. I really think maybe Tinder is the only really good way to go right now. No lasting conversations at all with anyone on POF.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 17, 2017, 06:26:21 PM
Quote from: Brian on January 17, 2017, 08:29:04 AM
Curious, were you just elected president?

:P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 17, 2017, 06:29:18 PM
Quote from: greg on January 17, 2017, 05:54:53 PM
Well, looks like I have someone to "have drinks with" this weekend.  (living by myself is great- I can go out and have drinks without judgemental parents now! Yay!)

I didn't flirt with her in my messages because in her full body picture, it's really hard to tell how heavy she is. Looks like a few extra pounds, but that I can tolerate since her face:  0:)  0:) 0:) wonderful lol. As long as she isn't super big when I meet her, I will show her my interest.  8) 

She did mention drinking with friends at one point, but tbh I don't know yet if I'll be meeting her with friends or alone. If with friends, that might not be a bad thing at all!

John, I suggest you do what I did. It's only $10. You might have some interesting results. I really think maybe Tinder is the only really good way to go right now. No lasting conversations at all with anyone on POF.

I'm not too worried about anything right now actually. I'm just enjoying my newfound freedom. If I meet someone on Tinder, great, if I don't, then that's fine, too. No expectations = no worries.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 17, 2017, 06:39:51 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 17, 2017, 06:29:18 PM
I'm not too worried about anything right now actually. I'm just enjoying my newfound freedom. If I meet someone on Tinder, great, if I don't, then that's fine, too. No expectations = no worries.

Mirror ' 8) ' Image
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 17, 2017, 06:41:14 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 17, 2017, 06:39:51 PM
Mirror ' 8) ' Image

;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Parsifal on January 17, 2017, 08:16:25 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 17, 2017, 06:29:18 PM
I'm not too worried about anything right now actually. I'm just enjoying my newfound freedom. If I meet someone on Tinder, great, if I don't, then that's fine, too. No expectations = no worries.

You went from "I had a nice time" to "I'm so relieved I broke it off" from one post to the next without mentioning any additional contact. Did you come to suspect she's a vampire? Watching too much true blood (or too much Buffy the Vampire Slayer)?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 17, 2017, 08:33:43 PM
Quote from: Scarpia on January 17, 2017, 08:16:25 PM
You went from "I had a nice time" to "I'm so relieved I broke it off" from one post to the next without mentioning any additional contact. Did you come to suspect she's a vampire? Watching too much true blood (or too much Buffy the Vampire Slayer)?

Haha. :) I came to some realizations from that last date I had with her this past Friday and breaking it off with her the next day was a clear-headed decision that only I could have made. As I said in one of my posts, I'm not about to go into details here as they're of a personal nature, but I got out before too much time was invested.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 18, 2017, 05:54:22 PM
Was a little overwhelmed today. Choices, choices... but now a plan.

Plan this week: get drunks this weekend with the girl that I've been messaging yesterday and today
Next week: do not message the girl that agreed to eat dinner with me next week unless she messages me first (by Wednesday). Wednesday, if no message, all at once I will swipe right on everyone. Maybe go through 500 profiles (should only take 5 minutes lol). And I will only contact the best ones.

Think I got this mostly figured out now.  8)

May still ask for advice from former GMG member who is a Tinder guru. Obviously, he knows how to use the app well, considering the results. He certainly didn't settle, and I don't plan to, either. Brings to mind a fb post from a girl I used to work with: "Dust settles, I don't"  :P lol

I should probably ask Mr. Tinder how often he reinstalls the app and if there is a lot of new people each time he reinstalls or not. Would be very helpful to know.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 18, 2017, 07:17:58 PM
Sounds like a plan, Greg. I'm just having fun right now, too. I've got several women I'm talking to right now. Like you said: choices, choices...
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on January 19, 2017, 02:40:47 AM
Quote from: NJ Joe on January 15, 2017, 07:25:03 AM
Sorry to hear this John, but if you're relieved then maybe it was for the best. Hang in there, buddy.
+1
Jeffrey
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 19, 2017, 09:17:43 AM
I meant to reply to this long ago.

Quote from: vandermolen on December 19, 2016, 11:43:39 PM

This relates to the Taoist saying: 'Do that which consists of no action' which can be very difficult if you are upset or agonising about something.


Indeed! :) However I augment that with ol' Epictetus -

"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has."

The combo of that with the fact that most women are more intrigued by the faintly aloof/slightly disinterested version of me has (for the most part) been a winner.

e: I'll add that the disinterest is not about toying with someone's emotions - that's more of the same immature (and often cruel) crap that belongs to the teenage years at school. Rather, it's part of having made my interest clear from the outset but then sitting back. If she's interested she'll respond positively. If not, then no problem. It's all cool, regardless.

This stuff is simple. Show your interest. If she (or he) doesn't return it and you're rejected, then accept it. You're not entitled to anything, so don't behave like a spoiled little babby. No excuses. Move on. Go out and live with passion and a lust for life. Be a man.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on January 19, 2017, 12:57:59 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 19, 2017, 09:17:43 AM
I meant to reply to this long ago.

Indeed! :) However I augment that with ol' Epictetus -

"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has."

The combo of that with the fact that most women are more intrigued by the faintly aloof/slightly disinterested version of me has (for the most part) been a winner.

e: I'll add that the disinterest is not about toying with someone's emotions - that's more of the same immature (and often cruel) crap that belongs to the teenage years at school. Rather, it's part of having made my interest clear from the outset but then sitting back. If she's interested she'll respond positively. If not, then no problem. It's all cool, regardless.

This stuff is simple. Show your interest. If she (or he) doesn't return it and you're rejected, then accept it. You're not entitled to anything, so don't behave like a spoiled little babby. No excuses. Move on. Go out and live with passion and a lust for life. Be a man.
Makes very good sense to me.
Looking at my edition of the Tao Te Ching (Ed. Timothy Freke) tonight I came across the following:

In a country where the Tao is understood, there are carthorses.

In a country where the Tao is ignored, there are warhorses.

The greatest mistake is to be ruled by desire.

The greatest curse is to be discontent.

Getting what you want may be the greatest misfortune.

Appreciate what you have and you will always have enough.

(Chapter 46)

I try to remind myself of this although often don't live up to it.  ::)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 19, 2017, 01:25:51 PM
Quote from: vandermolen on January 19, 2017, 12:57:59 PM
Makes very good sense to me.
Looking at my edition of the Tao Te Ching (Ed. Timothy Freke) tonight I came across the following:

In a country where the Tao is understood, there are carthorses.

In a country where the Tao is ignored, there are warhorses.

The greatest mistake is to be ruled by desire.

The greatest curse is to be discontent.

Getting what you want may be the greatest misfortune.

Appreciate what you have and you will always have enough.

(Chapter 46)

I try to remind myself of this although often don't live up to it.  ::)

That's a good post. :)

The important part is to try to live up to it. And try and try again and never quit.

So many of these things are found across different times and cultures. And I believe that's because they've real value.

I've singled out only one part of what you've listed (although I'm broadly in agreement with it all) the "Appreciate what you have and you will always have enough" - we are all a product of our parents and upbringing and everyone and everything we've ever encountered. So being exposed to such a number of different influences and values means it's often difficult to lose sight of what brings lasting fulfillment and peace and what is (in my opinion) truly 'good'. But it's possible to find it. And when you do, others who have found the same thing will find you. In the meantime, as far as dating is concerned (but also in general) go out and live your life in the manner you would if you had already found each other. It's liberating and beautiful. Do it now.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on January 19, 2017, 01:30:34 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 19, 2017, 01:25:51 PM
That's a good post. :)

The important part is to try to live up to it. And try and try again and never quit.

So many of these things are found across different times and cultures. And I believe that's because they've real value.

I've singled out only one part of what you've listed (although I'm broadly in agreement with it all) the "Appreciate what you have and you will always have enough" - we are all a product of our parents and upbringing and everyone and everything we've ever encountered. So being exposed to such a number of different influences and values means it's often difficult to lose sight of what brings lasting fulfillment and peace and what is (in my opinion) truly 'good'. But it's possible to find it. And when you do, others who have found the same thing will find you. In the meantime, as far as dating is concerned (but also in general) go out and live your life in the manner you would if you had already found each other. It's liberating and beautiful. Do it now.
If I had to remember a single line it would be the one that you have highlighted and which is, I believe, one of the greatest lessons of that great book. I enjoyed reading your comments and very much agree with what you write.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 19, 2017, 01:35:08 PM
Quote from: vandermolen on January 19, 2017, 01:30:34 PM
If I had to remember a single line it would be the one that you have highlighted and which is, I believe, one of the greatest lessons of that great book. I enjoyed reading your comments and very much agree with what you write.

Thanks.
And yeah, so often the greatest truths are the simple ones. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 21, 2017, 04:27:33 PM
Gonna skip out on having drinks with this girl that I've been messaging on Tinder. Honestly, just not very excited about it. I'm lame, whatever.

Did the swipe right on everyone thing. Interesting results if you use the "boost" feature. Visibility is actually a huge factor. But tbh I shouldn't even be on there. Not looking for a hookup. Will probably uninstall it in a few days.

Aaaand... will stop posting in this thread.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 21, 2017, 06:48:29 PM
Quote from: greg on January 21, 2017, 04:27:33 PM
Gonna skip out on having drinks with this girl that I've been messaging on Tinder. Honestly, just not very excited about it. I'm lame, whatever.

Did the swipe right on everyone thing. Interesting results if you use the "boost" feature. Visibility is actually a huge factor. But tbh I shouldn't even be on there. Not looking for a hookup. Will probably uninstall it in a few days.

Aaaand... will stop posting in this thread.

I uninstalled Tinder a day or two ago and I'm glad I did. I'll report back here when I've got something brewing, but, until then, I'm enjoying my alone time.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 21, 2017, 08:28:08 PM
I swear some of these women on dating sites are just ridiculous.

You have to have x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, and x before they even consider going out with you. Talk about living in a fantasy world. ::)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 21, 2017, 09:19:33 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 21, 2017, 08:28:08 PM
I swear some of these women on dating sites are just ridiculous.

You have to have x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, x, and x before they even consider going out with you. Talk about living in a fantasy world. ::)

;D Yeah, you're right.

I don't want this thread to turn into a while/hatefest about women. I know you're not doing that at all and are simply shaking your head at the bizarre demands of some women, but I've seen how these conversations can quickly disintegrate and I want to avoid that here. :) Still, you have a valid point and so...

Short answer: Yeah, they're living in a fantasy world. But you don't want or need that type of broken person. So best just ignore them.

Longer answer: Even discounting the large proportion that are only on there for a) attention/external validation wth no attention of dating or b) are bots, there still remains a huge number who are immature and self-entitled. And if you could see into other parts their life, you would be seeing a world view and lifestyle that's a veritable nightmare. So, I refer you to the short answer above. ;D

I really don't want this thread to go the way of others and be chopped as a result of whining about women, however I do know men have grievances about single women. But single women have many of the same complaints about men when it comes to dating. They both have a fixed picture of what they want, but they treat it like buying a new car: "Yeah, I want just the base model, really, that's all I'm looking for...but I want it with the deluxe trim and the sports suspension and the alloy rally wheels. And tinted glass, but only in the back and I want I want I want..." while the rest of us (the minority?) are more realistic.
As I said, ignore the spoiled children. They'll end up with what they deserve as a result of their immature and whimsical notions - nothing. Or their shallowness will be taken advantage of and they'll still end up with nothing.

There's someone (actually, more than one person) out there for everyone. Great, warm, healthy and loving adult relationships exist. But you can't buy them and you can't earn them by pushing the right buttons or by leveling up like a game. Just make the most of yourself for yourself. And as I wrote in a post above, live life with a lust and like you've already found each other. Finally, I refer you once more to the short answer above. ;D


Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 21, 2017, 09:25:47 PM
Personal update:
I had a visit from the dancer I met a while back (the one I first approached on the street ;D) at my house. That's the first time I've had a women in my home since my relationship ended, because usually we go to their place or another apartment. I wasn't going to mention it in the thread because I'm not optimistic about it - I still feel we are too dissimilar - but it was pleasant enough. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 21, 2017, 09:26:16 PM
Thanks for your feedback, Nik. Of course, I'm going to ignore these kinds of women as any level-headed person would do. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 21, 2017, 09:27:48 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 21, 2017, 09:25:47 PM
Personal update:
I had a visit from the dancer I met a while back (the one I first approached on the street ;D) at my house. That's the first time I've had a women in my home since my relationship ended, because usually we go to their place or another apartment. I wasn't going to mention it in the thread because I'm not optimistic about it - I still feel we are too dissimilar - but it was pleasant enough. :)

Very nice, but wouldn't it be better to tell her you're not interested rather than leading her on?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 21, 2017, 09:29:32 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 21, 2017, 09:26:16 PM
Thanks for your feedback, Nik. Of course, I'm going to ignore these kinds of women as any level-headed person would do. :)

You're welcome. And I know that you know where it's at. Therefore:  8)
;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 21, 2017, 09:39:43 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 21, 2017, 09:27:48 PM
Very nice, but wouldn't it be better to tell her you're not interested rather than leading her on?

That's a good and reasonable question. And the answer is that I'm not leading her on. We've spoken about how we both feel at the moment. Part of what we talk about is acknowledging that it might be a case of us both have differing needs which we can only compromise over up to a certain point. As I said, we find each other pleasant company and so despite my doubts (and hers too) we won't throw in the towel just yet. She's a nice, cool, and interesting woman :) And she's less blonde since we first met.  ???  :laugh:

e: maybe from the outside it seems that I play games with and lead women on, but I assure you that I never do. I've many faults, however that's not one of them.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 21, 2017, 09:52:07 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 21, 2017, 09:39:43 PM
That's a good and reasonable question. And the answer is that I'm not leading her on. We've spoken about how we both feel at the moment. Part of what we talk about is acknowledging that it might be a case of us both have differing needs which we can only compromise over up to a certain point. As I said, we find each other pleasant company and so despite my doubts (and hers too) we won't throw in the towel just yet. She's a nice, cool, and interesting woman :) And she's less blonde since we first met.  ???  :laugh:

That's a fair response and makes sense. No judgment whatsoever from this side of the computer. With this last experience I had, I felt that even though I did enjoy her company, that it just wasn't enough for me. Given the problems that would have arose if I had pressed onward, I had no choice but to get out of it and save myself before it was too late. Here's to hoping 2017 brings all of us bachelors a woman that will make everything we wished for become a reality.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 21, 2017, 10:08:13 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 21, 2017, 09:52:07 PM
With this last experience I had, I felt that even though I did enjoy her company, that it just wasn't enough for me. Given the problems that would have arose if I had pressed onward, I had no choice but to get out of it and save myself before it was too late.



There are so many people who don't get that. And as a result they charge ahead and the emotional investment continues to grow, which only serves to increase the devastation they feel when they finally face the truth. And I know a few people who remained in denial beyond even that point and went ahead and got married... What a mess. :(

Quote
Here's to hoping 2017 brings all of us bachelors a woman that will make everything we wished for become a reality.

Yeah, I agree and I hope so too. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 22, 2017, 06:01:34 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 21, 2017, 10:08:13 PM
There are so many people who don't get that. And as a result they charge ahead and the emotional investment continues to grow, which only serves to increase the devastation they feel when they finally face the truth. And I know a few people who remained in denial beyond even that point and went ahead and got married... What a mess. :(

Yeah, I agree and I hope so too. :)

Which I suppose why divorce rates are much higher these days then say 30-40 years ago. People need to listen to their own intuitions.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 22, 2017, 01:38:24 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 22, 2017, 06:01:34 AM
Which I suppose why divorce rates are much higher these days then say 30-40 years ago. People need to listen to their own intuitions.

Yeah, they need to listen to their intuitions and then have the strength to act on them. But it's important to remember something else about many marriages. The Internet has become almost a digital version of what was once the 'Vanity Press' and serves as a ready made vehicle for the type of external validation mentioned earlier in the thread. So you get a couple using their wedding as a huge advertisement for 'Look at our taste in wedding outfits/choice of caterers/venue for the evening reception/honeymoon destinations etc' all with a subtext of "We're better than you. We're special" ;D But all joking aside, the chance to show off and be the centre of attention like a little child at his or her birthday party is so powerful and potent, that any doubts about the relationship or questions of compatibility are ignored.

Chances are that like many little girls the bride grew up dreaming of her big day that features a white wedding and a handsome prince and everything perfect. There's nothing wrong with that all - for little girls. And so on dating sites you get the 'About Me' section becoming a list detailing who she wants potential suitors to believe herself to be (a real 'prize') and then another one of who she's shopping for (a real 'catch') with the unrealistic endgame being the belief that it's all going to result in a happy and healthy, strong and loving marriage...despite being built on a foundation of such whimsical and shallow BS. Still, that's their business. That's their choice and their right. :) And there's one more fact I could state here, but I don't want to run the risk of upsetting anyone.  :laugh:

Everyone has their own ideas and beliefs about what a relationship or marriage should be built on. But no matter the nature and form of foundation, nothing is guaranteed and even a relationship built on the most sincere and pure ideals isn't necessarily going to last or be a success. And so at your wedding reception the decision to provide your guests with toilet paper by Fendi, Marc Jacobs or Escada that's artfully folded by Hiromichi Konno, doesn't mean you're going to live happily ever after.

So what to do? It's easy to be critical. But what about positivity?

No matter how long it takes, find a good person. Always be good to each other. Try to live a good life together.
And bollocks to behaving like a consumer when seeking a partner in the first place.

(To attempt to lighten the mood of the thread I'll later post some 'Terrible dates I've had' :) )
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 22, 2017, 02:14:13 PM
Bad dates.

Her: "...I saw one of your photos and it's really good :)"
Me: "Thanks".
Her: "Maybe you can show me your studio sometime? :)"
Me: "Sure. But when my boss isn't around, because he'll take one look at you and never leave you alone ;D"
Her: "Boss?"
Me: "Yeah. My boss"
Her: "You have a boss? You don't own the studio? You just work there?"
Me: "Yes"
Her: " :(
And I never saw her again.


Different girl -

Me: "What's up? Food okay?"
Her: "Nothing. It's fine"
Minutes and more prompting pass
Her: "It's just that... you're shorter than I remembered. A lot shorter :( "
Me: "Than you remembered? Like, when we met last week?"
Her: "And I'm wearing my lowest heels and you're still much shorter".
Me: "Okay."
Her: "I'm sorry "
Me: "It's okay"
Her: "It must be embarrassing for you"
Me: "I'm fine :)"
Her: "No. Let's go. I'll take a taxi home".


On a dinner date with a pretty little secretary type

Me: "We'll have a drink in here"
Her: "No."
Me: "Why not?"
Her: "They banned me :("
Me: "Ah, don't worry. :) I know the owner. He'll let you in ;D"
Her: "That won't help :("
Me: ";D Why?"
Her: "There's a restraining order :("
Me: "  ??? "




Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on January 22, 2017, 02:42:48 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 22, 2017, 02:14:13 PM
Bad dates.

Her: "...I saw one of your photos and it's really good :)"
Me: "Thanks".
Her: "Maybe you can show me your studio sometime? :)"
Me: "Sure. But when my boss isn't around, because he'll take one look at you and never leave you alone ;D"
Her: "Boss?"
Me: "Yeah. My boss"
Her: "You have a boss? You don't own the studio? You just work there?"
Me: "Yes"
Her: " :(
And I never saw her again.


Different girl -

Me: "What's up? Food okay?"
Her: "Nothing. It's fine"
Minutes and more prompting pass
Her: "It's just that... you're shorter than I remembered. A lot shorter :( "
Me: "Than you remembered? Like, when we met last week?"
Her: "And I'm wearing my lowest heels and you're still much shorter".
Me: "Okay."
Her: "I'm sorry "
Me: "It's okay"
Her: "It must be embarrassing for you"
Me: "I'm fine :)"
Her: "No. Let's go. I'll take a taxi home".


On a dinner date with a pretty little secretary type

Me: "We'll have a drink in here"
Her: "No."
Me: "Why not?"
Her: "They banned me :("
Me: "Ah, don't worry. :) I know the owner. He'll let you in ;D"
Her: "That won't help :("
Me: ";D Why?"
Her: "There's a restraining order :("
Me: "  ??? "
Restraining order implies great sex. Just sayin'.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 22, 2017, 02:55:49 PM
Quote from: Ken B on January 22, 2017, 02:42:48 PM
Restraining order implies great sex. Just sayin'.

You're absolutely correct. Also, see the last part of this post: http://www.good-music-guide.com/community/index.php/topic,26059.msg1031591.html#msg1031591

As an aside (kind of) one of the things we joke about as being part of the skill set required for professional photographers working with models is 'Having an understanding of various personality disorders and daddy issues'. And that's one of the reasons I never work(ed) with non-agency represented models unless they were chaperoned.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 23, 2017, 05:00:45 AM
That some funny stuff, Nik.

I was wanting to uninstall Tinder. But after that experiment with swipe all/maximize radius/use boost, I've been getting constant notifications for matches. I believe I've gotten over 50 the last two days.

But at the same time it almost makes me want to cry at how far almost all the ones that I would even consider are. There was even a girl that says she is into metal, but lives in Omaha, which is 2 hours away. Even really, really close friends who end up living an hour away I'll tend to stop visiting because of the distance. That's what I get for setting max radius.  :P

It doesn't make much sense because I live in what I believe is the most populated area within Tinder's max radius.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 23, 2017, 06:27:27 PM
When you're talking to a hot girl on Tinder that wants to watch a movie with you and then suddenly the entire match and conversation is gone, just vanished. Wtf just happened?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 23, 2017, 06:45:43 PM
Quote from: greg on January 23, 2017, 06:27:27 PM
When you're talking to a hot girl on Tinder that wants to watch a movie with you and then suddenly the entire match and conversation is gone, just vanished. Wtf just happened?

This happened to me, too, and is part of the reason why I uninstalled that app.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 23, 2017, 07:37:53 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 23, 2017, 06:45:43 PM
This happened to me, too, and is part of the reason why I uninstalled that app.
Ha! Actually the second time this happened to me, first time was when I briefly used it when I was living in Florida, then proceeding to uninstall it.

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 23, 2017, 08:27:22 PM
I think I may have avoided something really bad...

Girl asking if I want to come over right now, giving the street address and everything. I act interested at first, but then proceed to say that I'd rather meet up in a restaurant, maybe dinner tomorrow first. Vanished. I think she just unmatched me.

But what I suspect is that criminals may lure people in and then do whatever, rob them, I guess. Although I never heard of it, it would be so easy to do so. There are gangs in the city. Better to be safe.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 23, 2017, 08:31:04 PM
Quote from: greg on January 23, 2017, 08:27:22 PM
I think I may have avoided something really bad...

Girl asking if I want to come over right now, giving the street address and everything. I act interested at first, but then proceed to say that I'd rather meet up in a restaurant, maybe dinner tomorrow first. Vanished. I think she just unmatched me.

But what I suspect is that criminals may lure people in and then do whatever, rob them, I guess. Although I never heard of it, it would be so easy to do so. There are gangs in the city. Better to be safe.

Yes, that's quite suspicious and it's good of you that used your head here, because it'd be all too easy to fall into a trap. It could have also been a cop posing as a woman to lure you in and then arrest you for prostitution or even something drug-related. I'd always opt to meet at a public place and if she just vanished, then it was obviously a scam.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on January 24, 2017, 07:26:51 AM
Quote from: greg on January 23, 2017, 08:27:22 PM
I think I may have avoided something really bad...

Girl asking if I want to come over right now, giving the street address and everything. I act interested at first, but then proceed to say that I'd rather meet up in a restaurant, maybe dinner tomorrow first. Vanished. I think she just unmatched me.

But what I suspect is that criminals may lure people in and then do whatever, rob them, I guess. Although I never heard of it, it would be so easy to do so. There are gangs in the city. Better to be safe.
Sound advice.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 24, 2017, 05:15:32 PM
For sure, wasn't worth taking the risk. It also could have been some married lady who wanted to keep a secret, but the likelihood of it turning out bad was just way too high. (And that scenario I wouldn't want to be a part of, either).

So... done! Uninstalled Tinder!  :)

The last few days it just became nothing but a curiosity. As in, how can I manipulate and rig the system? What are the limits? I did have a few girls I could have talked to more that might have had potential, but...

I haven't really cared at all lately. Going to bed and waking up in the morning, when your mind is idle, will go to wanting that. But in your free time, if you find any good addictions to have, you won't sit that at home dreaming of finding someone. You won't even care... right now, addicted to FF14 again and also learning some Periphery on guitar. And when my mind is on that, I completely forget about this. In fact, texting some cute girl that may end up sleeping with you is boring, IMO, especially when I have limited time in the evening to indulge in my hobbies- that just becomes a distraction.

(I use the term "addiction" here lightly, though- more like a hobby).
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 24, 2017, 07:28:54 PM
Quote from: greg on January 24, 2017, 05:15:32 PM
For sure, wasn't worth taking the risk. It also could have been some married lady who wanted to keep a secret, but the likelihood of it turning out bad was just way too high. (And that scenario I wouldn't want to be a part of, either).

So... done! Uninstalled Tinder!  :)

The last few days it just became nothing but a curiosity. As in, how can I manipulate and rig the system? What are the limits? I did have a few girls I could have talked to more that might have had potential, but...

I haven't really cared at all lately. Going to bed and waking up in the morning, when your mind is idle, will go to wanting that. But in your free time, if you find any good addictions to have, you won't sit that at home dreaming of finding someone. You won't even care... right now, addicted to FF14 again and also learning some Periphery on guitar. And when my mind is on that, I completely forget about this. In fact, texting some cute girl that may end up sleeping with you is boring, IMO, especially when I have limited time in the evening to indulge in my hobbies- that just becomes a distraction.

(I use the term "addiction" here lightly, though- more like a hobby).

This kind of brings to mind a quote from Ravel: "The only love affair I have ever had was with music". :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 24, 2017, 08:00:23 PM
Quote from: greg on January 24, 2017, 05:15:32 PM
For sure, wasn't worth taking the risk. It also could have been some married lady who wanted to keep a secret, but the likelihood of it turning out bad was just way too high. (And that scenario I wouldn't want to be a part of, either).



Cops? Prostitutes? Gangs? Insurance Salesmen?   :o

Yeah, when in doubt do nothing. And so you did the right thing.
And you're correct, it could well be the worst case scenario that she has lied and is married. No, the actual worst case is that she has lied and is married and she expects you to listen to her complain about it.  ???

Or maybe it would be like that story "...laugh all you like, but I know this guy who met a girl in a place and next thing he knew was waking up naked in a bathtub to find that one of his kidneys was missing and someone had tattooed 'Too Much Lube Is Nearly Enuff lol' on his arse"

Quote from: Mirror Image on January 24, 2017, 07:28:54 PM
This kind of brings to mind a quote from Ravel: "The only love affair I have ever had was with music". :)

I wonder how the music might sound had Ravel experienced a different kind of life. I must go over to his thread to see if anyone has considered that scenario and discussed it.

Anyway, despite still seeing the dancer I'm going to a chamber music performance (R. Strauss and Sibelius piano quartets)  next week with someone new I met. I'm aware this might be a case of literally too close to home, due to her living almost directly across the road from me. But if I'm going worry about that I'll worry about it later. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 24, 2017, 08:07:41 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 24, 2017, 08:00:23 PM

I wonder how the music might sound had Ravel experienced a different kind of life. I must go over to his thread to see if anyone has considered that scenario and discussed it.

Anyway, despite still seeing the dancer I'm going to a chamber music performance (R. Strauss and Sibelius piano quartets)  next week with someone new I met. I'm aware this might be a case of literally too close to home, due to her living almost directly across the road from me. But if I'm going worry about that I'll worry about it later. :)

The thing about Ravel is I don't think he really cared to have a woman in his life. I mean this is obviously speculation on my part, but he did frequent brothels to fulfill his sexual urges, so perhaps he thought he didn't need a woman to complicate his creative life? Interestingly enough, I remember reading that he developed feelings for the composer named Germaine Tailleferre (later a member of Les Six). I don't believe he acted on this or anything happened.

Best of luck on your date. That seems like a good concert. Have a great time!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 24, 2017, 08:22:53 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 24, 2017, 08:07:41 PM
The thing about Ravel is I don't think he really cared to have a woman in his life. I mean this is obviously speculation on my part, but he did frequent brothels to fulfill his sexual urges, so perhaps he thought he didn't need a woman to complicate his creative life? Interestingly enough, I remember reading that he developed feelings for the composer named Germaine Tailleferre (later a member of Les Six). I don't believe he acted on this or anything happened.


Interesting, I didn't know that about Ravel and his feelings for Tailleferre.
Somewhere in my office there's a small pile of books about composers that I'll one day get around to reading.


Quote
Best of luck on your date. That seems like a good concert. Have a great time!

Thanks, man. :) My big mouth strikes again. ;D
Yeah, I've been looking forward to that concert. And she's an amateur musician (violin) so there's every chance I might be at a concert with someone who actually enjoys the music for a change.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 24, 2017, 08:44:54 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 24, 2017, 08:22:53 PM
Interesting, I didn't know that about Ravel and his feelings for Tailleferre.
Somewhere in my office there's a small pile of books about composers that I'll one day get around to reading.

I forget where exactly I read this (perhaps Roger Nichols' Ravel biography). I'd like to know exactly why he never acted on his feelings. He was always a private person and honestly I'm surprised there's as much information about him at all, but perhaps there's really not much to tell aside from what we already know and have read about.


Quote from: NikF on January 24, 2017, 08:22:53 PMThanks, man. :) My big mouth strikes again. ;D
Yeah, I've been looking forward to that concert. And she's an amateur musician (violin) so there's every chance I might be at a concert with someone who actually enjoys the music for a change.

That's always a plus when you can enjoy music with someone that has an ear for this music as well. Is this woman attractive? That's always a plus, too. ;)

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 24, 2017, 09:08:04 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 24, 2017, 08:44:54 PM
I forget where exactly I read this (perhaps Roger Nichols' Ravel biography). I'd like to know exactly why he never acted on his feelings. He was always a private person and honestly I'm surprised there's as much information about him at all, but perhaps there's really not much to tell aside from what we already know and have read about.
Yeah that's the one I have. And I found it easier than I thought I would. Excuse the crappy shot -

(http://i.imgur.com/vJwv2fP.jpg)


Quote
That's always a plus when you can enjoy music with someone that has an ear for this music as well. Is this woman attractive? That's always a plus, too. ;)

She is attractive, yes. At least, I think so. Also, she seems kind of posh. And while not as young as I first thought (maybe her hoody and jeans threw me a little ;D ) she seems to be late 20s or early 30s and so younger than me. Indeed, it is all a plus.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 24, 2017, 09:10:21 PM
Quote from: NikF on January 24, 2017, 09:08:04 PM
Yeah that's the one I have. And I found it easier than I thought I would. Excuse the crappy shot -

(http://i.imgur.com/vJwv2fP.jpg)


She is attractive, yes. At least, I think so. Also, she seems kind of posh. And while not as young as I first thought (maybe her hoody and jeans threw me a little ;D ) she seems to be late 20s or early 30s and so younger than me. Indeed, it is all a plus.  8)

Very nice! Nothing wrong with posh as long as her personality is down-to-earth. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 24, 2017, 09:34:01 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 24, 2017, 09:10:21 PM
Very nice! Nothing wrong with posh as long as her personality is down-to-earth. :)

Yeah, down to earth. First impressions are that she's kind of laid back. But even with the casual hoody/jeans look she appears well groomed ;D

And it was funny, because she lives in one of the houses that a while back was converted into four(?) separate apartments. When they did that they paved the front garden for parking and put a gate at the end of the driveway. She couldn't get the gate open and so I casually strolled over to do it courtesy of my biceps and triceps and stuff and...couldn't move it even an inch. :laugh: So I climbed over the wall, but because I'm not tall I had to take a run at it and then leap and haul myself over. There were so many moments it could have all gone horribly wrong. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on January 25, 2017, 04:47:58 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 24, 2017, 09:34:01 PM
Yeah, down to earth. First impressions are that she's kind of laid back. But even with the casual hoody/jeans look she appears well groomed ;D

And it was funny, because she lives in one of the houses that a while back was converted into four(?) separate apartments. When they did that they paved the front garden for parking and put a gate at the end of the driveway. She couldn't get the gate open and so I casually strolled over to do it courtesy of my biceps and triceps and stuff and...couldn't move it even an inch. :laugh: So I climbed over the wall, but because I'm not tall I had to take a run at it and then leap and haul myself over. There were so many moments it could have all gone horribly wrong. ;D
A good friend of mine, in order to impress a girl on a first date, decided to jump over one of the crash barriers in the local station car park - he didn't quite make it, tripped over and fell flat on his face on the tarmac. The relationship didn't last. Let that be a terrible warning to you all.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on January 25, 2017, 05:07:27 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 24, 2017, 08:00:23 PM
No, the actual worst case is that she has lied and is married and she expects you to listen to her complain about it.  ???
The horror!  ;D


Quote from: vandermolen on January 25, 2017, 04:47:58 AM
A good friend of mine, in order to impress a girl on a first date, decided to jump over one of the crash barriers in the local station car park - he didn't quite make it, tripped over and fell flat on his face on the tarmac. The relationship didn't last. Let that be a terrible warning to you all.  8)
Smooth  :D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 25, 2017, 05:31:24 AM
Quote from: vandermolen on January 25, 2017, 04:47:58 AM
A good friend of mine, in order to impress a girl on a first date, decided to jump over one of the crash barriers in the local station car park - he didn't quite make it, tripped over and fell flat on his face on the tarmac. The relationship didn't last. Let that be a terrible warning to you all.  8)

Yeah, that's the sort of thing I was wary of. ;D I mean, in my house I now have pull up bars fitted in three different doorways and I do a few pullups every time I pass. It's relatively easy and so I was confident. But this is real life and so heroic gestures involving 'you are pretty and a nice shape, now please watch how cool I am at launching myself up and over this high wall' holds at least huge potential to be a lesson in humility... :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on January 25, 2017, 05:51:39 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 25, 2017, 05:31:24 AM
Yeah, that's the sort of thing I was wary of. ;D I mean, in my house I now have pull up bars fitted in three different doorways and I do a few pullups every time I pass. It's relatively easy and so I was confident. But this is real life and so heroic gestures involving 'you are pretty and a nice shape, now please watch how cool I am at launching myself up and over this high wall' holds at least huge potential to be a lesson in humility... :)
Indeed - it could turn out to be a classic blunder of the first magnitude.

On a country walk with my girlfriend's parents, early on in our relationship, I managed to fall down a river embankment, disappearing from view. Her father (now my father-in-law) nonchalantly commented 'I think that your boyfriend has disappeared' (he didn't bother to learn my name until much later). Amazingly we are still together.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 25, 2017, 06:16:34 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 24, 2017, 09:34:01 PMYeah, down to earth. First impressions are that she's kind of laid back. But even with the casual hoody/jeans look she appears well groomed ;D

And it was funny, because she lives in one of the houses that a while back was converted into four(?) separate apartments. When they did that they paved the front garden for parking and put a gate at the end of the driveway. She couldn't get the gate open and so I casually strolled over to do it courtesy of my biceps and triceps and stuff and...couldn't move it even an inch. :laugh: So I climbed over the wall, but because I'm not tall I had to take a run at it and then leap and haul myself over. There were so many moments it could have all gone horribly wrong. ;D

I suppose she was rather flattered by you helping her at least? Do let us know how the date goes, Nik. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 25, 2017, 06:43:06 AM
Quote from: vandermolen on January 25, 2017, 05:51:39 AM


On a country walk with my girlfriend's parents, early on in our relationship, I managed to fall down a river embankment, disappearing from view. Her father (now my father-in-law) nonchalantly commented 'I think that your boyfriend has disappeared' (he didn't bother to learn my name until much later). Amazingly we are still together.

See, that's the other way to look at it; if you're going to have a mishap, then have one with style - perhaps even panache.  8)
And I like the father in law taking his time to learn your name. ;D

Quote from: Mirror Image on January 25, 2017, 06:16:34 AM
I suppose she was rather flattered by you helping her at least? Do let us know how the date goes, Nik. :)

Yes, I suppose she was. But it was a good example of what I was saying earlier in the thread about how with a bit of experience (and self honesty) you can recognise from the outset not just if a woman is interested in you, but also the nature of that interest. In this case she knew I was trying to be charming and all that. And she was well aware that my bold attempt to scale the wall was at least in part an attempt to impress. ;D But the litmus test is going to be when we go to the concert, because I've expressed my interest and now it's down to how she responds. If she returns my interest, then good - that's cool. However if she doesn't, it's a pity - but still cool.
This stuff is really easy. Maybe the most difficult part is having a big mouth and opening it. Although I find that comes naturally to me.  ???  :laugh:
Of course, I'll post an update regardless. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 25, 2017, 08:31:49 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 25, 2017, 06:43:06 AMYes, I suppose she was. But it was a good example of what I was saying earlier in the thread about how with a bit of experience (and self honesty) you can recognise from the outset not just if a woman is interested in you, but also the nature of that interest. In this case she knew I was trying to be charming and all that. And she was well aware that my bold attempt to scale the wall was at least in part an attempt to impress. ;D But the litmus test is going to be when we go to the concert, because I've expressed my interest and now it's down to how she responds. If she returns my interest, then good - that's cool. However if she doesn't, it's a pity - but still cool.

This stuff is really easy. Maybe the most difficult part is having a big mouth and opening it. Although I find that comes naturally to me.  ???  :laugh:
Of course, I'll post an update regardless. :)

All will be revealed the night of concert. Good luck, my friend. :)

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 28, 2017, 10:43:54 PM
^ Thanks. :)

Update: The dancer and I went out to dinner on Friday. The restaurant is only a three or four minute walk from my house, but after the meal we took a taxi to her place on the other side of the city.
My violin playing new(ish) neighbour drove by me yesterday and slowed to smile and wave. Definitely cute. I'm looking forward to attending the concert with her. Note: I must ask about the current status of her driveway gate vis-a-vis if it's still needing oiled.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 29, 2017, 06:48:35 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 28, 2017, 10:43:54 PM
^ Thanks. :)

Update: The dancer and I went out to dinner on Friday. The restaurant is only a three or four minute walk from my house, but after the meal we took a taxi to her place on the other side of the city.
My violin playing new(ish) neighbour drove by me yesterday and slowed to smile and wave. Definitely cute. I'm looking forward to attending the concert with her. Note: I must ask about the current status of her driveway gate vis-a-vis if it's still needing oiled.

Good to hear things are going well with the dancer. She must be quite easy on the eyes for you to continue to see her. ;) I'm really hoping things work out for you and this violinist, though, especially since I LOVE the violin. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 29, 2017, 07:50:45 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 29, 2017, 06:48:35 AM
Good to hear things are going well with the dancer. She must be quite easy on the eyes for you to continue to see her. ;) I'm really hoping things work out for you and this violinist, though, especially since I LOVE the violin. :)

Yeah, she's not unattractive. Neither she (or the violinist) are supermodels or movie stars, but they don't need to be. :)  If it gets more serious with either I'll end up putting a lens on them and you can see for yourself. ;D But in both cases it's nowhere near that stage - that's still far away.
What's happening with you? Still registered on the dating sites?

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 29, 2017, 09:05:55 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 29, 2017, 07:50:45 AM
Yeah, she's not unattractive. Neither she (or the violinist) are supermodels or movie stars, but they don't need to be. :)  If it gets more serious with either I'll end up putting a lens on them and you can see for yourself. ;D But in both cases it's nowhere near that stage - that's still far away.
What's happening with you? Still registered on the dating sites?

Yeah, I completely understand. You're just having some fun for now. No, nothing is going on with me and that's really the way I want it at the moment. I'm becoming more and more absorbed by music as each day passes. Perhaps a sad, lonely existence, but after my last dating episode, I haven't felt the need to pursue anyone. Enjoying my solitude more than ever right now.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on January 29, 2017, 09:22:29 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on January 29, 2017, 09:05:55 AM
Yeah, I completely understand. You're just having some fun for now. No, nothing is going on with me and that's really the way I want it at the moment. I'm becoming more and more absorbed by music as each day passes. Perhaps a sad, lonely existence, but after my last dating episode, I haven't felt the need to pursue anyone. Enjoying my solitude more than ever right now.

That's it. Fun, yes. And if something more develops then...it's something more. ;D It's been almost seven months since my relationship ended and from that point my life has spread out even further than before, simply because there's more free time for everything now. As ever, I'm making the most of it.

Sounds like it's perfectly natural for you to be where you're at right now. As long as you make sure you're getting out and taking time to smell the flowers once in a while, then it's all cool. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on January 29, 2017, 09:54:49 AM
Quote from: NikF on January 29, 2017, 09:22:29 AM
That's it. Fun, yes. And if something more develops then...it's something more. ;D It's been almost seven months since my relationship ended and from that point my life has spread out even further than before, simply because there's more free time for everything now. As ever, I'm making the most of it.

Sounds like it's perfectly natural for you to be where you're at right now. As long as you make sure you're getting out and taking time to smell the flowers once in a while, then it's all cool. :)

Great to hear, Nik. Here's hoping something great happens for you with either woman. Yeah, I'm not completely shut-off from women of course, but I'm definitely not pursuing anyone right now.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 03, 2017, 11:47:22 PM
On a date last night with the dancer. She confirmed what I already kind of knew, that another guy is after her. He's been at a couple of events we've attended and I've noticed he doesn't seem to like me (join the queue  ;D ) very much. I think the best way to sum up the difference between us is that where I get into the boxing ring and spar, he wears lycra and does boxercise. Ah, that's unkind of me. What I mean is, that he would be the safe option for her - which includes her knowing that she would be able to wrap him around her finger. Regardless, it's her choice and none of my business.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 04, 2017, 08:28:48 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 03, 2017, 11:47:22 PMOn a date last night with the dancer. She confirmed what I already kind of knew, that another guy is after her. He's been at a couple of events we've attended and I've noticed he doesn't seem to like me (join the queue  ;D ) very much. I think the best way to sum up the difference between us is that where I get into the boxing ring and spar, he wears lycra and does boxercise. Ah, that's unkind of me. What I mean is, that he would be the safe option for her - which includes her knowing that she would be able to wrap him around her finger. Regardless, it's her choice and none of my business.

So she's not interested in you any longer?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 05, 2017, 12:24:33 AM
Could be. My initial thought was that it's just another kind of ultimatum. Then again, neither she or I have said we won't see anyone else. So she's free to date other guys. But I don't know.
The thing is, I can't say to her 'This is guy is a dick' despite the fact he's a dick, because as I said, it's none of my business. And it would be a pathetic, childish thing for me to say in any case. Also, there's the fact that it would call into question her taste in men - which would naturally include myself. Finally, as ridiculous as this might sound, I try not to say or even think stuff like that about people.

Anyway, today is the date with my violin toting neighbour. I'm going to go run through the park, do pull ups on trees/fall out of trees in order to get some blood into my muscles (and hopefully, brain ;D ) then shower, have late breakfast with a friend, then meet her at the venue.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on February 05, 2017, 01:36:01 AM
Quote from: NikF on February 05, 2017, 12:24:33 AM
Could be. My initial thought was that it's just another kind of ultimatum. Then again, neither she or I have said we won't see anyone else. So she's free to date other guys. But I don't know.
The thing is, I can't say to her 'This is guy is a dick' despite the fact he's a dick, because as I said, it's none of my business. And it would be a pathetic, childish thing for me to say in any case. Also, there's the fact that it would call into question her taste in men - which would naturally include myself. Finally, as ridiculous as this might sound, I try not to say or even think stuff like that about people.

Anyway, today is the date with my violin toting neighbour. I'm going to go run through the park, do pull ups on trees/fall out of trees in order to get some blood into my muscles (and hopefully, brain ;D ) then shower, have late breakfast with a friend, then meet her at the venue.
Hope all goes well. Sooner or later you will find your Hyzenthlay.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 05, 2017, 01:56:01 AM
Thanks, man. :)  Yeah, and if I don't find her by the usual methods I'll have to seriously consider stealing her from another burrow. ;) ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 05, 2017, 06:37:29 AM
Quote from: NikF on February 05, 2017, 12:24:33 AM
Could be. My initial thought was that it's just another kind of ultimatum. Then again, neither she or I have said we won't see anyone else. So she's free to date other guys. But I don't know.
The thing is, I can't say to her 'This is guy is a dick' despite the fact he's a dick, because as I said, it's none of my business. And it would be a pathetic, childish thing for me to say in any case. Also, there's the fact that it would call into question her taste in men - which would naturally include myself. Finally, as ridiculous as this might sound, I try not to say or even think stuff like that about people.

Anyway, today is the date with my violin toting neighbour. I'm going to go run through the park, do pull ups on trees/fall out of trees in order to get some blood into my muscles (and hopefully, brain ;D ) then shower, have late breakfast with a friend, then meet her at the venue.

I completely understand and good luck to you, Nik. I hope all goes well for you and this violinist. Hopefully, there'll be magic in the air tonight. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 05, 2017, 11:03:21 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 05, 2017, 06:37:29 AM
I completely understand and good luck to you, Nik. I hope all goes well for you and this violinist. Hopefully, there'll be magic in the air tonight. :)

You're always generous with your good wishes - thanks.
The concert was this afternoon, see? (I've included the next concert because I haven't heard the Nielsen before and think it might be cool to attend)
(http://i.imgur.com/okYUrGs.jpg)

Anyway, I waited for my date at the venue but she didn't turn up. So I checked my phone and found I had no phone. :( I enjoyed the concert all the same and got talking to a nice woman because that's what I do. ;D I didn't ask for her number though.  :o
Later at home I found my phone and a series of messages from my date, telling me she might not get back to town in time/definitely not going to make it/to call her after the concert. I called and she was all apologetic and invited me over for a drink. So I went over and it was cool and good.
Cellphones are nothing but trouble...
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 05, 2017, 11:08:47 AM
Quote from: NikF on February 05, 2017, 11:03:21 AM
You're always generous with your good wishes - thanks.
The concert was this afternoon, see? (I've included the next concert because I haven't heard the Nielsen before and think it might be cool to attend)
(http://i.imgur.com/okYUrGs.jpg)

Anyway, I waited for my date at the venue but she didn't turn up. So I checked my phone and found I had no phone. :( I enjoyed the concert all the same and got talking to a nice woman because that's what I do. ;D I didn't ask for her number though.  :o
Later at home I found my phone and a series of messages from my date, telling me she might not get back to town in time/definitely not going to make it/to call her after the concert. I called and she was all apologetic and invited me over for a drink. So I went over and it was cool and good.
Cellphones are nothing but trouble...

You're welcome, Nik. 8)

Sorry to hear about your date, but happy to hear you had a good time at the concert nevertheless. Also, going over for drinks must have been quite nice indeed. Hears hoping things continue to go in your favor.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 05, 2017, 11:23:14 AM
Yeah, it was a cool chat. I learned some stuff about her. I would've stayed longer but she has an early start for work. Also, when I went to the park this morning I was doing my pull ups on the branch of a tree which I sort of fell off and landed awkwardly on my ankle. It's become kind of uncomfortable. So I'm off to self medicate now with a single malt whisky and Mahler. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 05, 2017, 12:25:44 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 05, 2017, 11:23:14 AM
Yeah, it was a cool chat. I learned some stuff about her. I would've stayed longer but she has an early start for work. Also, when I went to the park this morning I was doing my pull ups on the branch of a tree which I sort of fell off and landed awkwardly on my ankle. It's become kind of uncomfortable. So I'm off to self medicate now with a single malt whisky and Mahler. :)

Good to hear about the chat. Not good to hear about your ankle. Get some rest my friend.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on February 07, 2017, 02:19:54 AM
Quote from: NikF on February 05, 2017, 11:23:14 AM
Yeah, it was a cool chat. I learned some stuff about her. I would've stayed longer but she has an early start for work. Also, when I went to the park this morning I was doing my pull ups on the branch of a tree which I sort of fell off and landed awkwardly on my ankle. It's become kind of uncomfortable. So I'm off to self medicate now with a single malt whisky and Mahler. :)

Yes, hope your ankle is better soon. I was recently asked what I do when I go to the gym for exercise and the answer is: I read the newspapers, have a cappuccino and possibly a Twix bar.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 07, 2017, 03:09:04 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 05, 2017, 12:25:44 PM
Not good to hear about your ankle. Get some rest my friend.

Quote from: vandermolen on February 07, 2017, 02:19:54 AM
Yes, hope your ankle is better soon.

Thanks, guys.  It got increasingly uncomfortable and so I went to the a&e where it was x-rayed and pronounced broken and had a splint put on. Now I'm back to self medicating with the single malt but this time in the company of RVW.  8) As ever, things could always be worse. :)

Quote
I was recently asked what I do when I go to the gym for exercise and the answer is: I read the newspapers, have a cappuccino and possibly a Twix bar.

What, no nap before heading off home again?    :o ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 08, 2017, 03:46:55 AM
I...got...myself a tinder account yesterday...hmmmm.....i wonder how this will work out for me..................
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 08, 2017, 07:16:57 AM
Jessop:  :)
Chick: hi   :)
Jessop: how are you?  :)
Chick: fine. 'sup?   :-*
Jessop: Gravity Falls, Boulez and hopefully you?  ;) 8)
...
Jessop: Hello?  :(
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 08, 2017, 12:00:54 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 08, 2017, 07:16:57 AM
Jessop:  :)
Chick: hi   :)
Jessop: how are you?  :)
Chick: fine. 'sup?   :-*
Jessop: Gravity Falls, Boulez and hopefully you?  ;) 8)
...
Jessop: Hello?  :(
This is what I fear. :laugh:

What I fear more is that someone will try to take advantage of me, or try to put me in situations where I don't feel comfortable (like what happened earlier this year when a composition student at a different music school asked me out a few times)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 08, 2017, 02:09:13 PM
Quote from: jessop on February 08, 2017, 12:00:54 PM

What I fear more is that someone will try to take advantage of me, or try to put me in situations where I don't feel comfortable (like what happened earlier this year when a composition student at a different music school asked me out a few times)

What way do you fear you'll be taken advantage of? Or if you don't want to answer that, do you feel that you can't assert yourself in certain situations?
Was it the fact that they kept asking you out that made you uncomfortable? Or that they wouldn't take 'no' for an answer or something?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 08, 2017, 02:27:08 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 08, 2017, 02:09:13 PM
What way do you fear you'll be taken advantage of? Or if you don't want to answer that, do you feel that you can't assert yourself in certain situations?
Was it the fact that they kept asking you out that made you uncomfortable? Or that they wouldn't take 'no' for an answer or something?

\

So many questions :laugh:

I am naturally just a very very cautious and shy person who also happens to be quite gullible and easily manipulated. The last time I was ever going out with someone......well, I basically just found it very difficult to say that I would prefer being friends (especially since my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me several months before). She tried to speed things into a relationship much quicker than I was comfortable with.......I really enjoyed seeing concerts of contemporary classical music with her as she was into that stuff as well, so we did that together.

I suppose what I don't like is when people try to change me in some way, or make me feel bad about who I am. There have been times in former friendships where my 'friends' had manipulated me into doing things that they would benefit from that put me in a bad or uncomfortable position and I would feel extraordinarily inadequate if I had been a 'bad friend' according to them. I just fall into these traps sometimes. That might be the reason why I am so cautious these days.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 08, 2017, 03:13:28 PM
Quote from: jessop on February 08, 2017, 02:27:08 PM
\

So many questions :laugh:

I am naturally just a very very cautious and shy person who also happens to be quite gullible and easily manipulated. The last time I was ever going out with someone......well, I basically just found it very difficult to say that I would prefer being friends (especially since my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me several months before). She tried to speed things into a relationship much quicker than I was comfortable with.......I really enjoyed seeing concerts of contemporary classical music with her as she was into that stuff as well, so we did that together.

I suppose what I don't like is when people try to change me in some way, or make me feel bad about who I am. There have been times in former friendships where my 'friends' had manipulated me into doing things that they would benefit from that put me in a bad or uncomfortable position and I would feel extraordinarily inadequate if I had been a 'bad friend' according to them. I just fall into these traps sometimes. That might be the reason why I am so cautious these days.

Okay, thanks for answering all (4. Four. ;D) of those questions.

Going by your posts you seem like a friendly, bright, creative guy who has a huge passion for music. Those qualities are going to attract people to you and as you've learned not all of them are going to have your best interests at heart. Some people will try to manipulate you because they can benefit from it, while others like your friend who you enjoyed concerts with was maybe a littie more innocent in her own way. Incidentally, letting a girl down because you don't feel the same way never gets easier. It's not a nice thing to have to do. But as you've learned sometimes you need to.

Anyway, like all of us you aren't perfect and so that means you'll sometimes make mistakes or fall into traps like you described or generally just be vulnerable sometimes. It's unavoidable. When it happens don't beat yourself up. You're only human. Just acknowledge it and then move on.

Remember that you only have yourself to answer to and that telling people "No" is part of a freedom that's your right. I know it's not always easy, there's no 'one weird trick' that you can rely on. But it's good that you've recognised all this stuff about yourself. Some people can go years without being so self aware.

You didn't ask for my advice, but you have received it. ;D



Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 08, 2017, 03:46:01 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 08, 2017, 03:13:28 PM
Okay, thanks for answering all (4. Four. ;D) of those questions.

Going by your posts you seem like a friendly, bright, creative guy who has a huge passion for music. Those qualities are going to attract people to you and as you've learned not all of them are going to have your best interests at heart. Some people will try to manipulate you because they can benefit from it, while others like your friend who you enjoyed concerts with was maybe a littie more innocent in her own way. Incidentally, letting a girl down because you don't feel the same way never gets easier. It's not a nice thing to have to do. But as you've learned sometimes you need to.

Anyway, like all of us you aren't perfect and so that means you'll sometimes make mistakes or fall into traps like you described or generally just be vulnerable sometimes. It's unavoidable. When it happens don't beat yourself up. You're only human. Just acknowledge it and then move on.

Remember that you only have yourself to answer to and that telling people "No" is part of a freedom that's your right. I know it's not always easy, there's no 'one weird trick' that you can rely on. But it's good that you've recognised all this stuff about yourself. Some people can go years without being so self aware.

You didn't ask for my advice, but you have received it. ;D




Thank you so much, Nik! ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 09, 2017, 04:57:05 AM
General update and roll call.

Dancer: last seen walking past and glaring at me. The thing is, if you really want nothing to do with someone you don't even make eye contact and you certainly don't deliver a look that says 'I hate you', because all that does is tell me you still care enough to let me know how you feel.

Amateur violinist: apart from slowing down to wave when she was driving past I haven't seen or heard from her since she invited me over for a drink. However that was expected and I said I'd keep in touch via email, but I didn't do so. I'll email her tonight.

F**kbuddy: doesn't really belong in this list, but deserves a mention because she knows how to play that particular game. I turn up, there's no fuss or drama, she usually hands me a whisky and then there's a few minutes of small talk for the sake of decency so that the following indecency has free reign.

Due to current circumstances I don't expect much to change over the next couple of weeks. But you can never really say for sure.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on February 09, 2017, 03:48:52 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 09, 2017, 04:57:05 AM
Dancer: tsundere

Amateur violinist: dandere

F**kbuddy: deredere

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 09, 2017, 05:01:59 PM
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 09, 2017, 07:04:50 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 09, 2017, 04:57:05 AM
General update and roll call.

Dancer: last seen walking past and glaring at me. The thing is, if you really want nothing to do with someone you don't even make eye contact and you certainly don't deliver a look that says 'I hate you', because all that does is tell me you still care enough to let me know how you feel.

Amateur violinist: apart from slowing down to wave when she was driving past I haven't seen or heard from her since she invited me over for a drink. However that was expected and I said I'd keep in touch via email, but I didn't do so. I'll email her tonight.

F**kbuddy: doesn't really belong in this list, but deserves a mention because she knows how to play that particular game. I turn up, there's no fuss or drama, she usually hands me a whisky and then there's a few minutes of small talk for the sake of decency so that the following indecency has free reign.

Due to current circumstances I don't expect much to change over the next couple of weeks. But you can never really say for sure.

Yep, that dancer still cares for you no doubt about it. The amateur violinist sounds wishy-washy. I didn't know about the f*** buddy, but I suppose it's nice to be able to relieve some tension whenever you please. ;) Hopefully something will materialize with this violinist. Good luck, Nik.

Not much news with me. I did get back on POF and I got an email from that Thai woman I was seeing. I blocked her as I definitely have no intentions on seeing her again (obviously). In other news, I waited on this woman the other day and she's a waitress and had the nicest breasts I've ever seen. She was wearing a bit of a low-cut shirt and flirted with me like crazy, but, alas, she was too young for me. She was really cute and had a killer body, but, again, our age differences didn't help. She was 21 yrs. old.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 09, 2017, 07:54:04 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 09, 2017, 07:04:50 PM
Yep, that dancer still cares for you no doubt about it. The amateur violinist sounds wishy-washy. I didn't know about the f*** buddy, but I suppose it's nice to be able to relieve some tension whenever you please. ;) Hopefully something will materialize with this violinist. Good luck, Nik.
Thanks.

Dancer - yeah, it was as fine a glare as you would see on a long day's walk... ??? But I agree, she's still interested. I don't see anything happening though. All joking aside, she'd be happier with someone like that other dude who's interested in her. He'd be inclined to put her on a pedestal and I know she'd be happy with that, whereas I'd be more inclined to put her over one.  ;D

Amateur violinist - my gut instinct is that she already has me sussed out and is therefore playing it cool. ;D But she's coming over tonight (to save me hobbling over the road to her place) and bringing food with her. So maybe I'll learn more. And at least I'll get fed!  8)

f***buddy - it sure is. And that's all it is. I don't think we even like each other, but I don't mean that we hate each other. It's more that if it wasn't for this mutually beneficial arrangement we would have nothing at all in common and no reason to speak. It's so casual that the last time I went over to her place I tried to find the apartment number on the door of her building (the intercom panel thing) and realised I'd forgotten her surname.

Quote
Not much news with me. I did get back on POF and I got an email from that Thai woman I was seeing. I blocked her as I definitely have no intentions on seeing her again (obviously).
You definitely did the right as far as that was concerned. Even if there wasn't all that list of things, you had to go with your gut instinct. But as you say, it's in the past. Good stuff. Just keep investing in yourself. Talk with people, stay cool, and remember to keep breathing.  8)

Quote
In other news, I waited on this woman the other day and she's a waitress and had the nicest breasts I've ever seen. She was wearing a bit of a low-cut shirt and flirted with me like crazy, but, alas, she was too young for me. She was really cute and had a killer body, but, again, our age differences didn't help. She was 21 yrs. old.

"...and had the nicest breasts I've ever seen." - I like the way you just casually state that. ;D Also, cute and a killer body is a devastating combo indeed. Many a man, led to his ruin etc...then again, it's certainly worth considering.  :laugh:
But I know what you mean with the age difference. Having said that, 21 was actually the starting point when I was in my 40s. It depends on the individual(s) involved. But anything younger than that is only suitable for a one night stand or other no-strings shenanigans.

Anyway, the next time the thread is quiet I'll post my own story about a waitress. Some people might like to read it because it ends with me getting a boot in the balls.  :(  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 09, 2017, 08:09:09 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 09, 2017, 07:54:04 PM
Thanks.

Dancer - yeah, it was as fine a glare as you would see on a long day's walk... ??? But I agree, she's still interested. I don't see anything happening though. All joking aside, she'd be happier with someone like that other dude who's interested in her. He'd be inclined to put her on a pedestal and I know she'd be happy with that, whereas I'd be more inclined to put her over one.  ;D

Amateur violinist - my gut instinct is that she already has me sussed out and is therefore playing it cool. ;D But she's coming over tonight (to save me hobbling over the road to her place) and bringing food with her. So maybe I'll learn more. And at least I'll get fed!  8)

f***buddy - it sure is. And that's all it is. I don't think we even like each other, but I don't mean that we hate each other. It's more that if it wasn't for this mutually beneficial arrangement we would have nothing at all in common and no reason to speak. It's so casual that the last time I went over to her place I tried to find the apartment number on the door of her building (the intercom panel thing) and realised I'd forgotten her surname.

You definitely did the right as far as that was concerned. Even if there wasn't all that list of things, you had to go with your gut instinct. But as you say, it's in the past. Good stuff. Just keep investing in yourself. Talk with people, stay cool, and remember to keep breathing.  8)

"...and had the nicest breasts I've ever seen." - I like the way you just casually state that. ;D Also, cute and a killer body is a devastating combo indeed. Many a man, led to his ruin etc...then again, it's certainly worth considering.  :laugh:

But I know what you mean with the age difference. Having said that, 21 was actually the starting point when I was in my 40s. It depends on the individual(s) involved. But anything younger than that is only suitable for a one night stand or other no-strings shenanigans.

Anyway, the next time the thread is quiet I'll post my own story about a waitress. Some people might like to read it because it ends with me getting a boot in the balls.  :(  ;D

You're welcome, Nik. Things seem to be going well for you at the moment. You have several different options to explore and that keep you busy. I'm not sure if I could have juggled that many women at the same time, but, then again, I've never been fully comfortable with dating several different women at the same time. The only time this has happened to me was when I had two dates in one night and I canceled on one only to find the woman I canceled on see me out with the woman I had decided to go out with instead. She didn't make a scene, but she did say something to the effect "I'm glad you're feeling better." I felt like such an ass and I ended up not even enjoying the date I was on. Sigh...the things that end up happening to me.

I might consider going out with this waitress as I know where she works. I might pop in one night when she's not too busy and see if she'd be interested in going to dinner. I'll let you know how it goes if I decide to peruse her.

All the best to you and your special lady friend. Hope you have a good time.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 09, 2017, 09:08:41 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 09, 2017, 08:09:09 PM
You're welcome, Nik. Things seem to be going well for you at the moment. You have several different options to explore and that keep you busy.
As I said before, I have the options because I find it easy to talk with people. I'm far more succinct in real life than I am on here, but I still freely chat to whoever, wherever, whenever. And I guess then that the law of averages comes into play and so I meet women/get dates. And I'm not just saying it, but if a woman rejects me I really don't give a sh*t, because I'm not entitled to a date with her. So it's not a problem. I just move on to the next one(s).

Quote
I'm not sure if I could have juggled that many women at the same time, but, then again, I've never been fully comfortable with dating several different women at the same time.
Maybe you'll find that the more you date you'll be open to seeing more than one at a time? At least, until you find someone you want to concentrate on fully.

QuoteThe only time this has happened to me was when I had two dates in one night and I canceled on one only to find the woman I canceled on see me out with the woman I had decided to go out with instead. She didn't make a scene, but she did say something to the effect "I'm glad you're feeling better."

:laugh: Excuse me for laughing... I know it's not funny, but...  :laugh:

I remember when I got my first place of my own I was casually dating (but already sleeping with) a blonde. At the same time I was chasing another blonde who I occasionally worked with. I finally got her to go out with me and to come home with me after the first date. We got up the stairs to my front door, only to find the first blonde was already there, waiting for me. She had just turned up unannounced. They both ganged up on me and forced me to choose on the spot. So I know how horrible that kind of situation can be.  :laugh:


Quote
I might consider going out with this waitress as I know where she works. I might pop in one night when she's not too busy and see if she'd be interested in going to dinner. I'll let you know how it goes if I decide to peruse her.

Obviously I really hope that if you ask this waitress out she'll say yes and it goes well. :) Keep in mind that it's kind of awkward because they get hit on all the time. Asking them out at work isn't fair, really. But when there's no other option, what else can you do?  But yeah, if you go for it let me know the result.  8)

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 13, 2017, 09:50:45 AM
As expected the amateur violinist came over on Friday. We also spent some time together on Sunday, but not too late.
I have tickets for what was supposed to be Neeme Järvi's 80th birthday concert on Saturday and I was going to take her there, but it was cancelled and the lineup has now changed changed to -

Tchaikovsky Romeo and Juliet Overture
Beethoven Piano Concerto No2 - Ingrid Fliter
Rachmaninov Symphony No2

Cond. - Elim Chan
RSNO

I'd like to hear the Rachmaninov. However, the last time I was in that concert hall an old woman who had difficulty walking was offered the use of a wheelchair. I suppose I could call ahead and ask about it (health & safety rules regarding crutches) but I'm not keen on this.

e: I had originally written -

"I'm not an old woman and so I'm not going in a wheelchair" - but I thought maybe someone reading this is in a wheelchair or something and they'd feel offended. That's not my intention at all. But I feel strongly about this and I'm not going in a f**king wheelchair.

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 13, 2017, 10:01:50 AM
Quote from: NikF on February 13, 2017, 09:50:45 AM
As expected the amateur violinist came over on Friday. We also spent some time together on Sunday, but not too late.
I have tickets for what was supposed to be Neeme Järvi's 80th birthday concert on Saturday and I was going to take her there, but it was cancelled and the lineup has now changed changed to -

Tchaikovsky Romeo and Juliet Overture
Beethoven Piano Concerto No2 - Ingrid Fliter
Rachmaninov Symphony No2

Cond. - Elim Chan
RSNO

I'd like to hear the Rachmaninov. However, the last time I was in that concert hall an old woman who had difficulty walking was offered the use of a wheelchair. I suppose I could call ahead and ask about it (health & safety rules regarding crutches) but I'm not keen on this.

e: I had originally written -

"I'm not an old woman and so I'm not going in a wheelchair" - but I thought maybe someone reading this is in a wheelchair or something and they'd feel offended. That's not my intention at all. But I feel strongly about this and I'm not going in a f**king wheelchair.

Good to hear things went well with that amateur violinist. :) That concert program looks rather boring...sigh. God forbid they perform some RVW, Elgar, Britten, Alwyn, Rubbra, Moeran, Ireland, Bax, Holst, Finzi, etc. I might be in London in late summer, I'm hoping to catch a concert from either the LSO, LPO, or The Philharmonia.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on February 13, 2017, 10:03:43 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 13, 2017, 10:01:50 AM
Good to hear things went well with that amateur violinist. :) That concert program looks rather boring...sigh. God forbid they perform some RVW, Elgar, Britten, Alwyn, Rubbra, Moeran, Ireland, Bax, Holst, Finzi, etc. I might be in London in late summer, I'm hoping to catch a concert from either the LSO, LPO, or The Philharmonia.
1. hahaha if you think they don't program enough English music, you haven't lived in England!
2. Late summer is just the right time for the BBC Proms concerts, which are both super awesome and frequently very adventurous (that's where I saw the Gothic and the original Glagolitic Mass in one weekend).
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 13, 2017, 10:05:53 AM
Quote from: Brian on February 13, 2017, 10:03:43 AM
1. hahaha if you think they don't program enough English music, you haven't lived in England!
2. Late summer is just the right time for the BBC Proms concerts, which are both super awesome and frequently very adventurous (that's where I saw the Gothic and the original Glagolitic Mass in one weekend).

I know. We have the same problem with American composers here in the States. How often do you see Ives or even William Schuman on a concert program here? Yeah, the BBC Proms might be something I'd be looking into as well.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 13, 2017, 10:14:38 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 13, 2017, 10:01:50 AM
Good to hear things went well with that amateur violinist. :) That concert program looks rather boring...sigh. God forbid they perform some RVW, Elgar, Britten, Alwyn, Rubbra, Moeran, Ireland, Bax, Holst, Finzi, etc. I might be in London in late summer, I'm hoping to catch a concert from either the LSO, LPO, or The Philharmonia.

I'd much rather hear those composers too.

Anyway, if you do go to London and you're up for shenanigans, creating a kerfuffle and generic malarkey, let me know and I'll come down and instigate it between concerts. I am serious.

(It's men's fashion week in London during September, so there's a slight chance I'd be down there round about then anyway :))
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 13, 2017, 10:17:09 AM
Quote from: NikF on February 13, 2017, 10:14:38 AM
I'd much rather hear those composers too.

Anyway, if you do go to London and you're up for shenanigans, creating a kerfuffle and generic malarkey, let me know and I'll come down and instigate it between concerts. I am serious.

(It's men's fashion week in London during September, so there's a slight chance I'd be down there round about then anyway :))

Very cool, Nik. Yeah, we'd definitely have to hang out in London. I'd also hang out with Jeffrey (Vandermolen), too. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on February 13, 2017, 10:20:03 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 13, 2017, 10:05:53 AM
I know. We have the same problem with American composers here in the States. How often do you see Ives or even William Schuman on a concert program here? Yeah, the BBC Proms might be something I'd be looking into as well.
Wait hang on. I don't think you got what I meant. UK orchestras play tons of English music. Not necessarily Alwyn or Moeran - though local and even amateur orchestras do frequently trot out some of those names - but there is tons of Elgar, RVW, Britten, that kind of thing.

In July/Aug/early Sept. many of the major orchestras are taking their holiday, so you will likely not have regular programming. The Proms will probably be your best bet. There may be other local festivals at various times; for instance, in early/mid-summer Britten's home, Snape Maltings, puts on a big festival where I met Papy Oli one fine summer day.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 13, 2017, 10:25:38 AM
Quote from: Brian on February 13, 2017, 10:20:03 AM
Wait hang on. I don't think you got what I meant. UK orchestras play tons of English music. Not necessarily Alwyn or Moeran - though local and even amateur orchestras do frequently trot out some of those names - but there is tons of Elgar, RVW, Britten, that kind of thing.

In July/Aug/early Sept. many of the major orchestras are taking their holiday, so you will likely not have regular programming. The Proms will probably be your best bet. There may be other local festivals at various times; for instance, in early/mid-summer Britten's home, Snape Maltings, puts on a big festival where I met Papy Oli one fine summer day.

Oh, sorry for the misunderstanding. I understand what you're saying. Sounds like the BBC Proms will be something I'd be attending, but, quite honestly, I'm also interested in the art museums and the tourist attractions, so I'm actually not too sure how much time I'll be spending regarding music. I definitely plan on checking to see if there's any CD stores there (if time permits). We plan on staying for about two weeks in London and will travel off to Cardiff, Wales and back again within those two weeks.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Brian on February 13, 2017, 10:44:15 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 13, 2017, 10:25:38 AM
Oh, sorry for the misunderstanding. I understand what you're saying. Sounds like the BBC Proms will be something I'd be attending, but, quite honestly, I'm also interested in the art museums and the tourist attractions, so I'm actually not too sure how much time I'll be spending regarding music. I definitely plan on checking to see if there's any CD stores there (if time permits). We plan on staying for about two weeks in London and will travel off to Cardiff, Wales and back again within those two weeks.
London is weirdly lacking in CD stores, but you should have no trouble getting your art on. Still my favorite city on earth!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 14, 2017, 02:17:19 PM
Valentine's Day card massacre.

Number of cards I could reasonably expect to receive: 5
Number of cards I absolutely, sincerely believe I deserve: 109
Number of cards actually received: 0
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 14, 2017, 03:12:49 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 14, 2017, 02:17:19 PM
Valentine's Day card massacre.

Number of cards I could reasonably expect to receive: 5
Number of cards I absolutely, sincerely believe I deserve: 109
Number of cards actually received: 0

Is valentines day still a thing? Sorry to hear that you received 0 cards! Maybe people have forgotten how to send physical cards since The Internet...........
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Parsifal on February 14, 2017, 03:13:54 PM
Quote from: Brian on February 13, 2017, 10:44:15 AM
London is weirdly lacking in CD stores, but you should have no trouble getting your art on. Still my favorite city on earth!

The idea of visiting a CD store during travel baffles me. Is there anything you could find in a CD store that you can't find on amazon?  Was in London once for a relatively brief visit. Most memorable single thing was probably hearing Mackerras conduct Janacek's Katya Kabanova at Covent Garden.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 14, 2017, 03:14:04 PM
It has been just over a week since I got tinder, and I haven't had any matches yet but I will be patient.........................
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Parsifal on February 14, 2017, 03:14:29 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 14, 2017, 02:17:19 PM
Valentine's Day card massacre.

Number of cards I could reasonably expect to receive: 5
Number of cards I absolutely, sincerely believe I deserve: 109
Number of cards actually received: 0

And you sent how many cards?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 14, 2017, 03:22:59 PM
Quote from: jessop on February 14, 2017, 03:14:04 PM
It has been just over a week since I got tinder, and I haven't had any matches yet but I will be patient.........................

That's the stuff. Time and patience are key. :)
Certainly, I'd been wondering how you were getting on with Tindr, but I didn't want to ask in case you were regularly shacking up in a hotel with some painted floozy or something. ;D

e: and if you are, find out if she has an *older sister for me? Cheers.  8)

*but not too much older.  ???


Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 14, 2017, 03:23:09 PM
Quote from: Scarpia on February 14, 2017, 03:14:29 PM
And you sent how many cards?

Number of cards I sent: 0
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: aleazk on February 14, 2017, 03:24:59 PM
Me don't date anymore because I always end in the dumps...  :(
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 14, 2017, 03:29:51 PM
Quote from: aleazk on February 14, 2017, 03:24:59 PM
Me don't date anymore because I always end in the dumps...  :(

Well, you'll fit in this thread just fine with those of us who aren't always dating. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: aleazk on February 14, 2017, 03:47:54 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 14, 2017, 03:29:51 PM
Well, you'll fit in this thread just fine with those of us who aren't always dating. :)

Great! ... I guess, lol.  :laugh: :'(
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 14, 2017, 03:55:02 PM
Quote from: aleazk on February 14, 2017, 03:47:54 PM
Great! ... I guess, lol.  :laugh: :'(

Sorry, it's the best I can do at the moment, due to me being in absolute shock, nay, almost catatonic at receiving 0 (zero  :o) valentine's cards. :(   ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 14, 2017, 04:26:54 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 14, 2017, 04:18:18 PM
It's valentines day: Partytime!  8)


(https://a.disquscdn.com/get?url=http%3A%2F%2F38.media.tumblr.com%2Ftumblr_ly7x88WZet1r8gaoxo1_r1_400.gif&key=LlDtExRI8MXVZW2Doxll3w)
I'm afraid you're in NZ, so you either forgot it was yesterday or you're deluded ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 14, 2017, 04:29:51 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 14, 2017, 03:22:59 PM
That's the stuff. Time and patience are key. :)
Certainly, I'd been wondering how you were getting on with Tindr, but I didn't want to ask in case you were regularly shacking up in a hotel with some painted floozy or something. ;D

e: and if you are, find out if she has an *older sister for me? Cheers.  8)

*but not too much older.  ???




Lol......actually the app seems kinda stupid to me to be perfectly honest. It's nearly impossible to know anything ABOUT the people on there for me to work out which way I would rather swipe, so my right swipes are nearly always thoughtless.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: mc ukrneal on February 14, 2017, 04:34:00 PM
Quote from: jessop on February 14, 2017, 04:26:54 PM
I'm afraid you're in NZ, so you either forgot it was yesterday or you're deluded ;D
Hey, just because you are in my tomorrow doesn't mean that today is not the day in question! :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: aleazk on February 14, 2017, 04:41:52 PM
lol, considering the low population of NZ, Tinder may not be the most interesting thing to try... "next person is at... 500 kms away"  :P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 14, 2017, 04:51:45 PM
Quote from: jessop on February 14, 2017, 04:29:51 PM
Lol......actually the app seems kinda stupid to me to be perfectly honest. It's nearly impossible to know anything ABOUT the people on there for me to work out which way I would rather swipe, so my right swipes are nearly always thoughtless.

Yeah, sounds like you got it figured out  8) ;D

Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 14, 2017, 04:44:19 PM

Everyone knows it's like this anyway:

(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/08/06/article-0-0A9B0460000005DC-749_634x373.jpg)

And not a gorilla in sight. :(
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 14, 2017, 05:03:35 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 14, 2017, 04:55:54 PM
There are some of these though:  :laugh:


(http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/wolf-in-sheeps-clothing1.jpg)

8)

When dating, you sometimes end up with someone who you wouldn't normally consider as your 'type.'

(http://i.imgur.com/iNCD15S.jpg)

Have a llama.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 14, 2017, 05:04:33 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 14, 2017, 04:55:54 PM
There are some of these though:  :laugh:


(http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/wolf-in-sheeps-clothing1.jpg)

This is probably the dangerous part of tinder!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 14, 2017, 05:05:45 PM
https://www.youtube.com/v/d6wG_sAdP0U
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: aleazk on February 14, 2017, 05:11:17 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 14, 2017, 04:44:19 PM
I don't care about dating at the moment. Never tried dating apps before either, I can't be bother honestly

Everyone knows it's like this anyway:

(http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/08/06/article-0-0A9B0460000005DC-749_634x373.jpg)

Did I told you the bus driver story?  :laugh:

I was in Rotorua and wanted to see some caves and stuff. I had to catch a bus for that and, for some reason, I was the only person in the bus that morning. So, it was a two hours ride in which the farmer-bus driver took the opportunity to tell me with all details how he used to hunt wild pigs and killed them with his own hands!  ??? :laugh:

According to him, he was half-maori... though, if you ask me, he looked more british than the edinburgh duke to me (white skin and blue eyes included, lol)...

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 14, 2017, 05:25:10 PM
Quote from: aleazk on February 14, 2017, 05:11:17 PM

I was in Rotorua and wanted to see some caves and stuff. I had to catch a bus for that and, for some reason, I was the only person in the bus that morning. So, it was a two hours ride in which the farmer-bus driver took the opportunity to tell me with all details how he used to hunt wild pigs and killed them with his own hands! ??? :laugh:

Just to be on the safe side, if a guy like that has a daughter - don't date her.  ???

Quote from: jessop on February 14, 2017, 05:05:45 PM
https://www.youtube.com/v/d6wG_sAdP0U

She's just saying the same things I've always said; sharing the same values is more important (unless you're a school kid) than sharing the same interests - but that gets her a Ted talk and I don't even get a valentine's day card? :(
(And a 17 minute video? - that's the last time I watch anything you post...  >:( ;D )
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: aleazk on February 14, 2017, 05:50:30 PM
Quote from: jessop on February 14, 2017, 05:04:33 PM
This is probably the dangerous part of tinder!

Not sure what you mean, you fear to be raped or something?  ??? :laugh:

Anyhow, the perfect safe place unfortunately doesn't exist. Life is all just a big gray zone, with some places more clearer than others. If you want to step out from the safeness of the nest, you gotta take some risks, son.   ;) :)

Most of the times, it's not going to work... but when it does... well, those moments are the ones that make life livable (not just speaking of love life, but in general).

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 15, 2017, 07:36:27 AM
^ Yeah, she won't come knocking at your door, all 'Here I am, all ready to start a relationship'. Go outside, smile or nod at people, start/take part in a conversation when appropriate, have good eye contact and for f**k's sake stand up straight and don't slouch.

In other news, my neighbour kindly drove me to see my GP and then helped with my shopping today. Her kindness and faux auburness are much appreciated. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 16, 2017, 06:05:28 AM
Quote from: NikF on February 15, 2017, 07:36:27 AMIn other news, my neighbour kindly drove me to see my GP and then helped with my shopping today. Her kindness and faux auburness are much appreciated. :)

Sounds like she likes you, Nik. :) Good stuff indeed.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 16, 2017, 09:22:44 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 16, 2017, 06:05:28 AM
Sounds like she likes you, Nik. :) Good stuff indeed.

Yeah, things have definitely moved forward there.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 17, 2017, 03:24:51 PM
I managed to (*pauses for a moment, considering how to put it politely as possible*) get with the amateur violinist a couple of times over the past few days, but it won't be going any further.
It's a pity, but that's the way it works out sometimes. And now, as ever - forward.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on February 17, 2017, 06:21:32 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 17, 2017, 03:24:51 PM
I managed to (*pauses for a moment, considering how to put it politely as possible*) get with the amateur violinist a couple of times over the past few days, but it won't be going any further.
It's a pity, but that's the way it works out sometimes. And now, as ever - forward.
The phrase for violinists I think is tune.

>:D ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 17, 2017, 06:39:47 PM
Quote from: Ken B on February 17, 2017, 06:21:32 PM
The phrase for violinists I think is tune.

>:D ;)

How very delicate of you. Thanks, Ken. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 17, 2017, 06:49:47 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 17, 2017, 03:24:51 PM
I managed to (*pauses for a moment, considering how to put it politely as possible*) get with the amateur violinist a couple of times over the past few days, but it won't be going any further.
It's a pity, but that's the way it works out sometimes. And now, as ever - forward.

Hmm...that's a shame. You guys didn't have anything in common with each other?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 17, 2017, 07:03:46 PM
Well, Nik, I hope it didn't end messily. Every time a violinist popped into my life it didn't end well!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 17, 2017, 07:16:44 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 17, 2017, 06:49:47 PM
Hmm...that's a shame. You guys didn't have anything in common with each other?

We have different views in some matters and a big part of it was an issue. Apart from that everything else was cool.

Quote from: jessop on February 17, 2017, 07:03:46 PM
Well, Nik, I hope it didn't end messily. Every time a violinist popped into my life it didn't end well!

It ended as amicably as possible. It's okay. But I'll give violinists a wide berth for a while, just in case your problems with them is contagious!  ??? ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 17, 2017, 07:20:21 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 17, 2017, 07:16:44 PM
We have different views in some matters and a big part of it was an issue. Apart from that everything else was cool.

Well, this is good to hear you guys cut things off rather peacefully. Best of luck to you, Nik. I hope you find someone.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 17, 2017, 07:24:10 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 17, 2017, 07:20:21 PM
Well, this is good to hear you guys cut things off rather peacefully. Best of luck to you, Nik. I hope you find someone.

Thanks.
When something more serious and long-term happens then it'll happen, regardless. In the meantime I'm happy to have fun. It's all good.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 17, 2017, 07:39:03 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 17, 2017, 07:24:10 PM
Thanks.
When something more serious and long-term happens then it'll happen, regardless. In the meantime I'm happy to have fun. It's all good.  8)

You're welcome. Indeed. As the keyboardist for the fake hard rock band Spinal Tap named Viv Savage said in the mockumentary, This Is Spinal Tap: "Have a good time. All the time. That's my philosophy, Marty." ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 17, 2017, 08:08:15 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 17, 2017, 07:39:03 PM
You're welcome. Indeed. As the keyboardist for the fake hard rock band Spinal Tap named Viv Savage said in the mockumentary, This Is Spinal Tap: "Have a good time. All the time. That's my philosophy, Marty." ;D

I remember Spinal Tap. That's still one of the funniest movies I've seen. :) And when my studio assistant/best friend Iain would make a mistake at work or was having a bad hair day or something, I'd (jokingly) berate him and his reply was always the words of the hotel clerk to band manager Ian Faith "I'm just as God made me, sir"  :laugh:

Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 17, 2017, 07:45:03 PM
You rabbits move around so faster then us lethargic apes  :P

Can we trade lives for a year?  ;D

I don't really move around so fast, it's just that I've been doing it so long I've learned all the shortcuts. And there's more truth in that statement than you might think.  ??? 8)
Sure, well set up a trade. But a whole year? You've no idea what my life is like; I give it two weeks before you start comfort eating bananas by the bunch and wanting to retreat back to the tree tops. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on February 17, 2017, 08:09:06 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 17, 2017, 06:39:47 PM
How very delicate of you. Thanks, Ken. ;D

We need a new thread,  "Delicate Locutions for Shtup."

Sautillé?

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on February 17, 2017, 08:11:18 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 17, 2017, 07:45:03 PM
You rabbits move around so faster then us lethargic apes  :P

Can we trade lives for a year?  ;D

Shoulda been a bonobo.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 17, 2017, 08:28:20 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 17, 2017, 08:08:15 PM
I remember Spinal Tap. That's still one of the funniest movies I've seen. :) And when my studio assistant/best friend Iain would make a mistake at work or was having a bad hair day or something, I'd (jokingly) berate him and his reply was always the words of the hotel clerk to band manager Ian Faith "I'm just as God made me, sir"  :laugh:

:D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 18, 2017, 05:20:19 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 17, 2017, 08:22:39 PM
Us apes are a bit more territorial:

(http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/gorilla-walking-away-gif.gif)

That's the manner in which I walk. Fact.  ???
But some women like it. Fact.  8)
;D

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: snyprrr on February 19, 2017, 07:25:59 AM
Drunk lady says she'll let me do "whatever" if I bring her a pint of rot gut.



yay :(



Where do you meet regular lady peoples?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: zamyrabyrd on February 19, 2017, 08:59:42 AM
Quote from: snyprrr on February 19, 2017, 07:25:59 AM
Drunk lady says she'll let me do "whatever" if I bring her a pint of rot gut.

She ain't no lady.

Quote from: snyprrr on February 19, 2017, 07:25:59 AM
Where do you meet regular lady peoples?

Try concerts.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 19, 2017, 10:14:49 AM
Quote from: snyprrr on February 19, 2017, 07:25:59 AM
Drunk lady says she'll let me do "whatever" if I bring her a pint of rot gut.



yay :(

No, the hell with that crap. But if you do, make sure you wrap up - and I'm talking layers. ;D

It's definitely possible to find no strings attached sex (including "whatever") with someone you find attractive. But because it's relatively easy for most women to find someone to have sex with they can often be spoiled for choice, so you need to know how to play the game, which mostly just means being an adult about it all - and I think that's where  some guys can mess up.

Quote

Where do you meet regular lady peoples?

Quote from: zamyrabyrd on February 19, 2017, 08:59:42 AM
Try concerts.

Yeah, that's a good shout.
I meet women at concerts. They're not exactly queuing up, but on a fairly regular basis I get numbers that lead to dates and stuff. I've found the ballet better still to meet women of all ages - and even a face like mine isn't too much of a drawback. ;D However, I go to concerts and the ballet (and galleries and the theatre and the gym etc) because I enjoy them and they're a big part of my life anyway, and so I always treat meeting someone new as nothing more than an unexpected bonus while I'm there.

But in my experience it's possible to meet someone almost anywhere. In real-life I'm much more succinct than I am on the Internet, but that doesn't stop me acknowledging people as I go about my day. Making eye contact, smiling or a simple nod at someone passing by or while you're waiting to cross the road or whatever is a cool and good thing to do in any case.

e: there are people out there who are hostile to being smiled at or even looked at. ??? But that's their problem. And when it happens (because it does happen) I just ignore them and move on. It's all good and I am still ---> 8)

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 19, 2017, 10:44:16 AM
Quote from: snyprrr on February 19, 2017, 07:25:59 AM
Drunk lady says she'll let me do "whatever" if I bring her a pint of rot gut.



yay :(



Where do you meet regular lady peoples?

There's an old saying "You can take a woman out of the whorehouse, but you can't take the whorehouse out of the woman." Of course, this is just a variation of the original analogy, but you need to tread very carefully here. You'd have to be absolutely desperate to hook up with a woman like this. If you do end up hooking up with her, it says more about you than it would the actual woman IMHO.

Where to meet women? I haven't the faintest idea, but a grocery store is never a bad option. I like the idea of a concert as well, especially a classical one. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 19, 2017, 11:39:41 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 19, 2017, 10:44:16 AM

Where to meet women? I haven't the faintest idea, but a grocery store is never a bad option. I like the idea of a concert as well, especially a classical one. :)

http://www.youtube.com/v/p9ZjOCSLYlc
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 19, 2017, 11:46:46 AM
Quote from: NikF on February 19, 2017, 11:39:41 AM
http://www.youtube.com/v/p9ZjOCSLYlc

:P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 19, 2017, 12:24:04 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 19, 2017, 11:46:46 AM
:P

All joking aside, I've twice been approached by a woman in a supermarket. There are some women who are confident enough within themselves that if they want to talk, flirt with or even come on to a complete stranger, they'll just do it. And in my experience it's nothing like that video clip. They simply start a conversation and keep it going, all the while dropping verbal and physical hints that you can pick up on.
For the record, of those two occasions I was only interested in one of them.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 19, 2017, 01:01:44 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 19, 2017, 12:24:04 PM
All joking aside, I've twice been approached by a woman in a supermarket. There are some women who are confident enough within themselves that if they want to talk, flirt with or even come on to a complete stranger, they'll just do it. And in my experience it's nothing like that video clip. They simply start a conversation and keep it going, all the while dropping verbal and physical hints that you can pick up on.
For the record, of those two occasions I was only interested in one of them.

Yeah, it seems the best place to meet a woman is simply go where women go with the exception of a department store. That could be a bit awkward.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 19, 2017, 01:20:19 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 19, 2017, 01:01:44 PM
Yeah, it seems the best place to meet a woman is simply go where women go with the exception of a department. That could be a bit awkward.

Sure, makes perfect sense.
Later/tomorrow I'm going to say something about the supermarket woman who I was interested in that highlights why it can be difficult (or to a degree, even unfair) for a man to approach a woman in public.  :o ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on February 19, 2017, 02:30:21 PM
Couple rambling thoughts:

-Not sure if I wrote about this already... but this is an example why I still take kids seriously (sometimes). Was at the park a few months ago and two middle-school aged (or was it early high school?) kids were playing basketball with me. The little girl asks if I'm married, and I say no. Then she says, "That's good! Keep it that way! That way you can buy a Playstation and whatever else you want!"  ;D

-The more addicted/excited I get to playing Final Fantasy 14, the less my desire for women is. But if I sit around doing nothing, I get bored and depressed and crave sex and start to read about drugs. My weekend started off SOOOOO good with the FF14 news and news about my huge tax return that I've felt like I'm high on endorphins all weekend. The curious thing about that is that I just tested out this video for my Vive VR- some 3D POV porn with two hot girls, for about 20 minutes. Normally, I'd enjoy it because it's some mindblowing stuff... but i sat there laughing the whole time. Then stopped because I got bored. Seems like being overly happy kills sex drive.

-There's this one guy in my group in FF14 who is always talking about having hookups with beautiful 20 year olds (he's about twice that age), but he complains that if he gets married, he wouldn't be able to play the game. (And he hides his addiction of the game from these girls- his "secret nerd life." lol) I can certainly sympathize.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 19, 2017, 03:04:22 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 19, 2017, 01:20:19 PM
Sure, makes perfect sense.
Later/tomorrow I'm going to say something about the supermarket woman who I was interested in that highlights why it can be difficult (or to a degree, even unfair) for a man to approach a woman in public.  :o ;D

Looking forward to you comments, Nik. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 19, 2017, 03:07:04 PM
Quote from: greg on February 19, 2017, 02:30:21 PM
Couple rambling thoughts:

-Not sure if I wrote about this already... but this is an example why I still take kids seriously (sometimes). Was at the park a few months ago and two middle-school aged (or was it early high school?) kids were playing basketball with me. The little girl asks if I'm married, and I say no. Then she says, "That's good! Keep it that way! That way you can buy a Playstation and whatever else you want!"  ;D

-The more addicted/excited I get to playing Final Fantasy 14, the less my desire for women is. But if I sit around doing nothing, I get bored and depressed and crave sex and start to read about drugs. My weekend started off SOOOOO good with the FF14 news and news about my huge tax return that I've felt like I'm high on endorphins all weekend. The curious thing about that is that I just tested out this video for my Vive VR- some 3D POV porn with two hot girls, for about 20 minutes. Normally, I'd enjoy it because it's some mindblowing stuff... but i sat there laughing the whole time. Then stopped because I got bored. Seems like being overly happy kills sex drive.

-There's this one guy in my group in FF14 who is always talking about having hookups with beautiful 20 year olds (he's about twice that age), but he complains that if he gets married, he wouldn't be able to play the game. (And he hides his addiction of the game from these girls- his "secret nerd life." lol) I can certainly sympathize.

To the bolded text, this has me worried the most. I'm not sure how anyone could be so bored whenever there's a whole wealth of music, books, films, etc. to be enjoyed.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 19, 2017, 09:35:43 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 19, 2017, 03:04:22 PM
Looking forward to you comments, Nik. :)

Here's why it can sometimes be difficult for a man to approach a woman in public.
I was in the supermarket early, like 07:00 or something. One of the aisles was partially blocked by someone leaving their shopping trolly there. I went to move it and a women came over, all apologetic for it. I continued shopping and a couple of times she and I would pass each other in an aisle and exchange a polite smile and all that crap. It happened maybe three of four times.
Then I'm at the cheese section and out of nowhere there's a woman's voice in my ear. It's giggling and saying "You must think I'm stalking you!" Before I can answer she lightly leans against my arm and whispers "How would you feel about that?"

Okay, can you imagine if a man walked up to a woman who doesn't know him and makes physical contact while asking how she'd feel about him stalking her?   :o ;D  He'd get called out on it/castigated/reported to Tumblr.  :laugh:
But it's still possible to approach a woman in those circumstances. Contrary to common belief, men don't always make the first move. Women almost always make the first move. They just have a different and far less obvious way of doing it and you need to be able to recognise it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on February 20, 2017, 06:11:07 AM
Quote from: greg on February 19, 2017, 02:30:21 PMBut if I sit around doing nothing, I get bored and depressed

Yes, that's how a human body works.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 20, 2017, 07:20:34 AM
Quote from: NikF on February 19, 2017, 09:35:43 PM
Here's why it can sometimes be difficult for a man to approach a woman in public.
I was in the supermarket early, like 07:00 or something. One of the aisles was partially blocked by someone leaving their shopping trolly there. I went to move it and a women came over, all apologetic for it. I continued shopping and a couple of times she and I would pass each other in an aisle and exchange a polite smile and all that crap. It happened maybe three of four times.
Then I'm at the cheese section and out of nowhere there's a woman's voice in my ear. It's giggling and saying "You must think I'm stalking you!" Before I can answer she lightly leans against my arm and whispers "How would you feel about that?"

Okay, can you imagine if a man walked up to a woman who doesn't know him and makes physical contact while asking how she'd feel about him stalking her?   :o ;D  He'd get called out on it/castigated/reported to Tumblr.  :laugh:
But it's still possible to approach a woman in those circumstances. Contrary to common belief, men don't always make the first move. Women almost always make the first move. They just have a different and far less obvious way of doing it and you need to be able to recognise it.

All dully noted, my friend. I hope this happens for me soon. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: snyprrr on February 21, 2017, 02:05:26 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 19, 2017, 01:20:19 PM
Sure, makes perfect sense.
Later/tomorrow I'm going to say something about the supermarket woman who I was interested in that highlights why it can be difficult (or to a degree, even unfair) for a man to approach a woman in public.  :o ;D

"Sooo... you like to watch the salad dressing? Hmmm?"


Quote from: zamyrabyrd on February 19, 2017, 08:59:42 AM
She ain't no lady.

Try concerts.

My friend says he was at the gas station, and then heard this woman behind him ask him for money, and he turned around and it was his ex-wife.



I've been with more Black Out Queens than I care to mention... oy,... have you ever realized that for the past two weeks you've been making love to someone that wasn't there?? Yea, that's a creepy feeling (Oh, that's what that glazed look was... I thought it was because of my technicals!)


I'm currently terrified of knife wielding type wimmins... wake up with Ms. CrayCray straddling your chest with a pistol between your eyes...


brrrrrrrrr ??? (maybe I'm watching too many thrillers)



My ex-wife was the most normal woman I've ever been with, a real librarian...



I'll spare you the next three Pages of ranty ramble... low blood sugar, must eat...






women....ahhhhh :-* 0:)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 22, 2017, 02:49:10 PM
Quote from: greg on February 19, 2017, 02:30:21 PM

-There's this one guy in my group in FF14 who is always talking about having hookups with beautiful 20 year olds (he's about twice that age), but he complains that if he gets married, he wouldn't be able to play the game. (And he hides his addiction of the game from these girls- his "secret nerd life." lol) I can certainly sympathize.

It's not the video games that are the problem. The problem is wanting and expecting an adult relationship while keeping the habits and routines of being single. It could be video games or fly fishing or going to the gym every night or restoring an old motorcycle in the the garage or whatever - it's not possible for that stuff to be the #1 priority anymore. Of course, there are always exceptions, but most of those seem to eventually involve the woman readily letting another guy plow her while the manchild remains happily oblivious, levelling up.

Quote from: Rinaldo on February 20, 2017, 06:11:07 AM
Yes, that's how a human body works.

It's good to go outside and breathe fresh air, stretch the legs, interact with real people in real life, naturally increase vitamin D etc. Apparently all the cool kids do it. ;D

Quote from: Mirror Image on February 20, 2017, 07:20:34 AM
All dully noted, my friend. I hope this happens for me soon. :)

I hope it happens for you soon too. In the meantime --->  8)

Quote from: snyprrr on February 21, 2017, 02:05:26 PM

I've been with more Black Out Queens than I care to mention...


No. Even when giving in to my most base desires and needs - no.

Quote

I'm currently terrified of knife wielding type wimmins... wake up with Ms. CrayCray straddling your chest with a pistol between your eyes...


???
I've been stabbed over a woman but I've never been stabbed by a woman. However I sometimes allowed a woman's looks and/or her natural propensity for licentiousness to distract me from obvious red flags. For the most part the result of that was relatively harmless, such as waking the next morning in some girl's bed and looking across to see her furtively rifling my pockets for cash. (But I only ever carry a token amount. :) )
e: just going to add that I was stabbed out of jealousy by an insecure moron who thought I was stealing his girl. But 1) she was never his girl. 2) I only slept with her once - and so that's hardly stealing in any case.


Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 21, 2017, 02:24:04 PM
Almost about to start at Uni, almost ready to get back in the zone and meet some likeminded females  8)


(https://i.makeagif.com/media/7-20-2015/x-50gG.gif)

Eat, sleep and rest like an adult. Indulge in minimum chasing of the skirt and maximum amount of studying. Finally, always dispose of your banana skins correctly.

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: eljr on February 23, 2017, 01:59:04 AM
Quote from: snyprrr on February 21, 2017, 02:05:26 PM



I've been with more Black Out Queens than I care to mention... oy,... have you ever realized that for the past two weeks you've been making love to someone that wasn't there?? Yea, that's a creepy feeling (Oh, that's what that glazed look was... I thought it was because of my technicals!)




Black Out Queens
https://www.google.com/search?q=Black+Out+Queens&oq=Black+Out+Queens&aqs=chrome..69i57.1101j0j9&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#q=Black+Out+Queens&nfpr=1&*
(https://www.google.com/search?q=Black+Out+Queens&oq=Black+Out+Queens&aqs=chrome..69i57.1101j0j9&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#q=Black+Out+Queens&nfpr=1&*)

still no clue what this is supposed to mean  :(
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 23, 2017, 03:14:10 AM
Quote from: eljr on February 23, 2017, 01:59:04 AM
Black Out Queens
https://www.google.com/search?q=Black+Out+Queens&oq=Black+Out+Queens&aqs=chrome..69i57.1101j0j9&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#q=Black+Out+Queens&nfpr=1&*
(https://www.google.com/search?q=Black+Out+Queens&oq=Black+Out+Queens&aqs=chrome..69i57.1101j0j9&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#q=Black+Out+Queens&nfpr=1&*)

still no clue what this is supposed to mean  :(
Alcohol/blackouts/memory loss/sex

If you search such as "blackout queens sex" it'll tell you what you need to know. But it's a scenario best avoided by all. That's all that needs to be said about it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: eljr on February 23, 2017, 03:46:35 AM
OK, so it appears we can use the Urban Dictionary definition.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on February 23, 2017, 07:52:55 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 22, 2017, 02:49:10 PM
It's not the video games that are the problem. The problem is wanting and expecting an adult relationship while keeping the habits and routines of being single. It could be video games or fly fishing or going to the gym every night or restoring an old motorcycle in the the garage or whatever - it's not possible for that stuff to be the #1 priority anymore. Of course, there are always exceptions, but most of those seem to eventually involve the woman readily letting another guy plow her while the manchild remains happily oblivious, levelling up.
Yeah, I understand it tends to be that way. Probably best to stay single. Hobbies will always be most important thing to me.

Unless she shares the same hobbies. (I've known married couples that both play the same game as I do, several hours a day). But finding someone like that...   ::) good luck.




Quote from: NikF on February 22, 2017, 02:49:10 PM
It's good to go outside and breathe fresh air, stretch the legs, interact with real people in real life, naturally increase vitamin D etc. Apparently all the cool kids do it. ;D
I certainly do that when I can. Winter here is just garbage. When I was in Florida and unemployed for a month (by choice) last summer, I went outside every single day to play basketball for an hour before it rained and would come inside and take a shower. That month was heaven.





Quote from: Mirror Image on February 19, 2017, 03:07:04 PM
To the bolded text, this has me worried the most. I'm not sure how anyone could be so bored whenever there's a whole wealth of music, books, films, etc. to be enjoyed.
Sometimes I don't know what I want to watch or do. And there's a large enough percentage of pure crap/boring stuff out there that is not much better than staring at the wall.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 24, 2017, 03:00:02 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 24, 2017, 12:50:54 AM
Yep, but I won't resist chasing a few skirts if they come my way  ;D

In a new apartment, new city, new lifestyle everything new. The opportunities down here too are just massive. Also, not that I'd do it but if I bothered with tinder, there would be a ton of matches. It's a well populated place and the random people on the street seem so much more friendlier for some reason. So yeah!!  8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8) 8)
You're very confident! ....I hope things turn out quite well for you. Best wishes. ^_^
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 24, 2017, 08:11:27 PM
Well, I got a text out of the blue from that woman from Thailand I was seeing asking me if I wanted to hangout sometime. I'm not sure what to reply.

Edit: I'll probably decline her offer. I'm enjoying my time right now.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 24, 2017, 08:19:07 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 24, 2017, 08:11:27 PM
Well, I got a text out of the blue from that woman from Thailand I was seeing asking me if I wanted to hangout sometime. I'm not sure what to reply.

I wouldn't reply.
And that includes not sending a reply saying stuff like "Don't contact me again" or "No thanks, but I wish you all the best."
Also, I would block her number and leave it blocked.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 24, 2017, 08:25:04 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 24, 2017, 08:19:07 PM
I wouldn't reply.
And that includes not sending a reply saying stuff like "Don't contact me again" or "No thanks, but I wish you all the best."
Also, I would block her number and leave it blocked.

Done. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 24, 2017, 08:40:27 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 24, 2017, 08:25:04 PM
Done. 8)

Good man.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 25, 2017, 06:20:00 AM
Quote from: NikF on February 24, 2017, 08:40:27 PM
Good man.  8)

Yeah, I mean I know I'm irresistible and everything (j/k ;D ), but some people just don't know when to stop. Thankfully, she doesn't know where I live as if she did I'd be afraid she'd be camping out in my yard right now. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 25, 2017, 07:00:10 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 25, 2017, 06:20:00 AM
Yeah, I mean I know I'm irresistible and everything

Well, she obviously saw some qualities and attributes she found attractive in you.

Quote
but some people just don't know when to stop.
All you can do is be honest with someone and then remain resolute. It was your right to end it and you made it clear. So it's no longer your problem.

But here's something you maybe want to keep in mind. You remember how I've said when I'm interested in someone that from the outset I *usually make it clear to her, but then after doing so I wait until she gets back to me? To another woman (one I'm not interested in) that same behaviour might appear to her as me playing hard to get. Or perhaps she's the type who would view it as (and welcome) a challenge. So it might be that when you're rejecting someone they read it entirely the wrong way. In my experience it doesn't happen very often, but it does happen.

* there are obviously exceptions. An example is when the dancer was walking down the street and I immediately opened my big mouth, simply because she was a stranger passing by and so I didn't know if I would get another chance to speak with her.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 25, 2017, 01:54:51 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 25, 2017, 11:53:01 AM
Well I gave in after being her two days and installed tinder, now  after a day I've got a match. I don't quite know what to say though.....

A match means they've liked your profile and picture right? Because this girl is so so beautiful, wow!!  :o

Any tips for using this and what to say?
I'm not used to doing it online...


Edit: I sent her a cheeky, clever message   ;D
Normally I'd just greet them by asking how they are. What did you end up saying? Also, there were bots/spam on there when I checked it out.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 25, 2017, 08:23:43 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 25, 2017, 07:00:10 AM
Well, she obviously saw some qualities and attributes she found attractive in you.
All you can do is be honest with someone and then remain resolute. It was your right to end it and you made it clear. So it's no longer your problem.

But here's something you maybe want to keep in mind. You remember how I've said when I'm interested in someone that from the outset I *usually make it clear to her, but then after doing so I wait until she gets back to me? To another woman (one I'm not interested in) that same behaviour might appear to her as me playing hard to get. Or perhaps she's the type who would view it as (and welcome) a challenge. So it might be that when you're rejecting someone they read it entirely the wrong way. In my experience it doesn't happen very often, but it does happen.

* there are obviously exceptions. An example is when the dancer was walking down the street and I immediately opened my big mouth, simply because she was a stranger passing by and so I didn't know if I would get another chance to speak with her.

All good points, Nik. Food for thought.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 26, 2017, 01:00:04 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 25, 2017, 05:22:17 PM
Well her names Adelia and she's from Chilie, so I commented on the meaning of her name and said that it was those qualities I look for in a woman  ;D , then I asked if she was also a student around these parts. But I'm not used to this online stuff either  ???
What is the meaning of the name? I didn't realise you were interested in name meanings and things like that. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 26, 2017, 03:50:47 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 26, 2017, 02:29:57 PM
It means noble, she hasn't replied yet.

I'm not too bothered about finding a lover or hookup at the moment really, I just want someone to hang around...being in a new city and all, not really knowing anyone yet  :-[
That's fair enough! I'm sure you will get to meet many interesting people over the course of this year. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 26, 2017, 06:49:27 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 26, 2017, 02:29:57 PM

I'm not too bothered about finding a lover or hookup at the moment really, I just want someone to hang around...being in a new city and all, not really knowing anyone yet  :-[

You'll be fine. Just go outside and talk with people once in a while and time and patience will take care of the rest of it.  Hope you enjoy the experience as a whole. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 26, 2017, 07:13:25 PM
I've been more or less stuck indoors for two weeks. I've one more week with this splint on before it's replaced with a lighter one, then there's a couple more weeks of that crap. Some physio/rehab will inevitably follow. When it's all over I'm going to muster whatever charisma I still have and go on an all out charm offensive to f--k as many women as I can, a primal activity that'll last through spring into summer, building up to a climax around the first week in September when the excesses will eventually see me expire in a explosion that leaves behind only a semi-opaque cloud of coolness, hypertrophied medial deltoids, leather jacket with Paisley (100% silk) scarf, and testosterone. You've no idea how serious I am about that. No, you've no idea. And I'm looking no further ahead and have no other plans or goals for my life. Well, at some point I might open that Poulenc box set while I'm waiting for the lactic acid to dissipate.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 26, 2017, 07:45:26 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 26, 2017, 07:13:25 PM
I've been more or less stuck indoors for two weeks. I've one more week with this splint on before it's replaced with a lighter one, then there's a couple more weeks of that crap. Some physio/rehab will inevitably follow. When it's all over I'm going to muster whatever charisma I still have and go on an all out charm offensive to f--k as many women as I can, a primal activity that'll last through spring into summer, building up to a climax around the first week in September when the excesses will eventually see me expire in a explosion that leaves behind only a semi-opaque cloud of coolness, hypertrophied medial deltoids, leather jacket with Paisley (100% silk) scarf, and testosterone. You've no idea how serious I am about that. No, you've no idea. And I'm looking no further ahead and have no other plans or goals for my life. Well, at some point I might open that Poulenc box set while I'm waiting for the lactic acid to dissipate.

Hmmm...I'll just be listening to some music myself and enjoying my solitude, but good luck with all of that, Nik! ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 26, 2017, 07:57:00 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on February 26, 2017, 07:45:26 PM
Hmmm...I'll just be listening to some music myself and enjoying my solitude, but good luck with all of that, Nik! ;D

Thanks. :) However I don't believe in luck, but I do believe in the combo of the law of averages and having a big mouth. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on February 26, 2017, 08:00:41 PM
Quote from: NikF on February 26, 2017, 07:57:00 PM
Thanks. :) However I don't believe in luck, but I do believe in the combo of the law of averages and having a big mouth. ;D

8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on February 27, 2017, 06:51:09 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 25, 2017, 05:22:17 PM
Well her names Adelia and she's from Chilie, so I commented on the meaning of her name and said that it was those qualities I look for in a woman  ;D , then I asked if she was also a student around these parts. But I'm not used to this online stuff either  ???
Don't get your hopes up with every match. A big problem with Tinder is that probably 1 out of every 3 matches or so that you'll get are spam. You'll learn soon how to identify spam. They usually respond with the same messages, which have nothing to do with what you are writing to them, and they appear fast.

And for your opening messages, seriously, just say hi for every single one. Not even worth wasting your time saying anything else. Sometimes you hear that with online dating you should "write something clever and witty in your opening line to catch their attention," but that is just such complete bullshit. They will respond if they like your pictures. That's nearly the entire game right there.

And yeah, in retrospect, I'd probably recommend swiping enough to get 1-3 matches per day, like what you're doing now. That's how I found someone. Going all out was a bit crazy. I think I did that because I didn't care any more- I got back into gaming and realizing that was much more fun than fishing for what will most likely only result in a hookup. Ditched it and found my true happiness in fantasy world, Eorzea.  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on February 27, 2017, 09:46:31 PM
Tinder actually ended up making me feel like crap after nearly two weeks of using it.  To begin with i was nervous swiping right but after two days I ended up swiping right on most people. I got two matches in the end. Both were spam. I certainly felt a bit of a blow to my self esteem....I showed a few pictures of myself (one face, one full body, also a smartly dressed and playing guitar one) and with the help of two friends who recommended I try the app out I wrote and edited and rewrote and re-edited a short biography in which I tried to sum up my interests and personality and who I am in the most succinct way possible. In the end I felt like nobody actually found me interesting enough to want to chat.

After a day or two i got over my selfish self pity and deleted the app. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 27, 2017, 10:47:24 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 27, 2017, 08:39:51 PM
I'm already sick of it,

;D

Quote from: jessop on February 27, 2017, 09:46:31 PM
Tinder actually ended up making me feel like crap after nearly two weeks of using it. 

;D

TFA and Jessop both thwarted without even having to leave the comfort of their own home. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 28, 2017, 12:00:15 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 27, 2017, 11:45:00 PM
I'd rather just meet people in my own house than be bored out of my brains scrolling left all day, the amount of obvious fake accounts too is unbearable  ???

I was just poking a little fun at you both. :)  I  know getting cool dates isn't easy, regardless

Quote
Have you had any luck of there brother?  :)

Yeah, once. And she was using the app for same reason I was - no strings attached sex. She was a medical sales rep and let me know when she would be in town. We got together and it was cool and good.
But my best friend (colleague/arch-nemesis etc) has had a huge amount of success with it. However he's 28 and the model/actor type, although he's kind of a wimp and even a little bit of a nerd. But by the time the girls (especially the late teens/early 20s) have figured that out, he's already well on his way to bumping gums and stuff with them ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on February 28, 2017, 02:28:51 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on February 28, 2017, 01:35:06 AM
I wish I had your luck on there, every man has his needs.

I don't like that word 'luck'... But I do know what you mean. :)
With the medical rep I think the fact that I'm older than most Tindr users worked in my favour. But the opposite works too, in that a lot of older women look for young guys.

Quote
Your friend sounds like quite the ladies man then  8)

Yeah, he gets around nowadays. But he only started having success when he began to behave like a real man. I know that sounds a terrible thing to say :o but it just means he quit being immature and entitled and moody and super sensitive and all that crap.

Quote
I just reinstalled it to do a little experiment, even though most of the girls despite being usually decently attractive; I wouldn't swipe right, I'm going to do the opposite and try and out-scam the app. See if anything unusual happens, beside the brief "you're out of likes"  :laugh:

If you go ahead with your experiment let us know how you get on. :)

Quote
I'll just wait till I get to flirt with the composer and musician chicks on music orientation. or perhaps give them a complimentary performance of Mozarts "Leck mich im Arsch"  >:D >:D :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

That's exactly the way to do it. You go out and you talk with people. When you find one you really like (and you think she likes you too) then you make it clear from the outset. And if she wants you she'll find a way to let you know. In the meantime, have fun. :)
Flirting is indeed cool.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on February 28, 2017, 08:05:01 PM
Last night, I dreamed that I met this girl I used to like between 6 and 8 years ago when I worked with her. She now has two daughters, a 1 year old and a 3 year old. In the dream I was holding the 3-year old's hand like I was her dad. I just wanted to pretend to be for a minute. It was actually great.  ;D Dreams are odd that way. Didn't expect that... they can reveal to you subconscious stuff that you aren't aware of. For example, the first time I had a crush was when I was in 4th grade, and it all stemmed from a dream.

Now contrast with reality... I just received my, ummm.... dakimakura today. It's great, but... umm.... yeah. I really don't fit in with society.  :P

I'm laughing, thinking about some of the stuff on the packaging as the lady at my apartment office hands me the package. I almost wish I could show her it as I imagine an uncomfortable reaction- it's beautiful!  :D :D :D

I mean, you can't beat being able to fall asleep with something like that every single night WITHOUT having to share your apartment.


Quote from: jessop on February 27, 2017, 09:46:31 PM
Tinder actually ended up making me feel like crap after nearly two weeks of using it.  To begin with i was nervous swiping right but after two days I ended up swiping right on most people. I got two matches in the end. Both were spam. I certainly felt a bit of a blow to my self esteem....I showed a few pictures of myself (one face, one full body, also a smartly dressed and playing guitar one) and with the help of two friends who recommended I try the app out I wrote and edited and rewrote and re-edited a short biography in which I tried to sum up my interests and personality and who I am in the most succinct way possible. In the end I felt like nobody actually found me interesting enough to want to chat.

After a day or two i got over my selfish self pity and deleted the app. ;D
My friend's roomate is the same- tried on tinder and never had any luck.

That sucks... all I can say. Damn.
Title: SHE GRABBED AND YANKED THE STEERING WHEEL
Post by: snyprrr on March 01, 2017, 05:10:21 AM
This is surely the universal sign of RUN... RUN FAR AWAY!!


I seriously just had the out-of-the-blue nastiest reaction from just about anyone ever...


I know my last Post here was kind of a joke (drunk lady... "whatever"), but, I'd been keeping something from you all.


Did I mention the lady who looked like Elizabeth Taylor with the giant fakies? Well, you're gonna have to pay money for this one of snyprrr's all time stories (if I told it from the get go)...

Anyhow...


whew... I wouldn't know where to start... but, wow, she was just screaming at me in the car - I had seen here go off on others, but now the laser beam of (it must be someone else's fault) was on me. I thought she'd scoop out my eyes whilst I was driving!!!

Peg Bundy + The Nanny + (Rosie O'Donnell's wonderful temperament )




Did I mention I got chocked by her psycho-ex around Thanksgiving?



yea, good times!! ;) :o



It's like she wants a heart attack... she almost exudes the "please kill me" vibe... she is truly one miserable miserable person, but makes it impossible for any sympathy because of her absolute fuck-nutness... so vile...


coo coo coo... bludgeon


coo coo coo... bludgeon



The woman is mature, too,... so, really, nothing more unappealing than a woman of age who acts like someone with a magnifying glass on ants.


"How you gonna take care of me?"


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



NO CONTACT. PERIOD. (word to the wise)
Title: Re: SHE GRABBED AND YANKED THE STEERING WHEEL
Post by: greg on March 02, 2017, 04:55:43 AM
Quote from: snyprrr on March 01, 2017, 05:10:21 AM
NO CONTACT. PERIOD. (word to the wise)
Good.


Title: Re: SHE GRABBED AND YANKED THE STEERING WHEEL
Post by: NikF on March 05, 2017, 09:40:06 AM
Quote from: snyprrr on March 01, 2017, 05:10:21 AM
This is surely the universal sign of RUN... RUN FAR AWAY!!

I seriously just had the out-of-the-blue nastiest reaction from just about anyone ever...


*horror story snipped*


That's the kind of door you shouldn't even be knocking on in the first place.

Quote from: greg on March 02, 2017, 04:55:43 AM
Good.

Yeah, less posting about running away, but more actual running away.

Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 01, 2017, 11:07:21 PM
So I "out liked" it and it has no more suggestions  :laugh:

I'll stick to real life dating like usual  8)

Sounds like it indirectly suggested the option you've chosen - to stick to going outside and meeting people. ;D Good stuff.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 05, 2017, 09:48:29 AM
Update about the dancer/bringing it to a close -

Next week I've a concert and it'll be the first time in a while for me to be going out and being sociable. I still have a bit of a limp (an aside: what good is a limp? I don't need it. Bollocks to having a limp) which means I need to walk slowish and so I've arranged for a kind friend to help get me to and from the concert. When I was talking to them they provided some insight into why the dancer glared at me angrily the last time I saw her.

When she and I decided to stop dating we still had tickets for an event we'd planned to attend - a live beamed back performance at the cinema. So I told her she could have my ticket and take a friend, while I would go to see it in another cinema elsewhere. She agreed to do that and ended up arranging to go with a *rambunctious libertine mob of her ballet dancer friends.

The evening of the event arrived and she called one of her friends to say she can't make it because she's working. Her friend was suspicious about that excuse but accepted it. She was right to be wary though, because it turns out the dancer wanted to see me and so she got on a train and travelled about one hour to get to the cinema where I'd said I was going to be. She couldn't find me in the auditorium and then when it was over she stood outside to catch me when I was leaving. But she couldn't, because I had changed my mind and decided to stay at home that night. And that's why she glared at me so angrily before the concert.

She's kind, warm, passionate and intelligent. While not a raving beauty or a movie star, she's certainly attractive. And although she's not as young as the women I usually spend time with she's younger than I am by quite a few years. Also, despite retiring a couple of years ago the fact remains that she's still a blonde ballerina. However, there's more to life than tapping a dancer's derrière. (I'm frequently reminding myself of that)
And so a soap opera chapter of my life has come to a close. It's for the best. Now? As ever, forward.


* that's the little known collective noun for a group of ballet dancers. Fact.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 05, 2017, 12:22:17 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 05, 2017, 09:48:29 AM
Update about the dancer/bringing it to a close -

Next week I've a concert and it'll be the first time in a while for me to be going out and being sociable. I still have a bit of a limp (an aside: what good is a limp? I don't need it. Bollocks to having a limp) which means I need to walk slowish and so I've arranged for a kind friend to help get me to and from the concert. When I was talking to them they provided some insight into why the dancer glared at me angrily the last time I saw her.

When she and I decided to stop dating we still had tickets for an event we'd planned to attend - a live beamed back performance at the cinema. So I told her she could have my ticket and take a friend, while I would go to see it in another cinema elsewhere. She agreed to do that and ended up arranging to go with a *rambunctious libertine mob of her ballet dancer friends.

The evening of the event arrived and she called one of her friends to say she can't make it because she's working. Her friend was suspicious about that excuse but accepted it. She was right to be wary though, because it turns out the dancer wanted to see me and so she got on a train and travelled about one hour to get to the cinema where I'd said I was going to be. She couldn't find me in the auditorium and then when it was over she stood outside to catch me when I was leaving. But she couldn't, because I had changed my mind and decided to stay at home that night. And that's why she glared at me so angrily before the concert.

She's kind, warm, passionate and intelligent. While not a raving beauty or a movie star, she's certainly attractive. And although she's not as young as the women I usually spend time with she's younger than I am by quite a few years. Also, despite retiring a couple of years ago the fact remains that she's still a blonde ballerina. However, there's more to life than tapping a dancer's derrière. (I'm frequently reminding myself of that)
And so a soap opera chapter of my life has come to a close. It's for the best. Now? As ever, forward.


* that's the little known collective noun for a group of ballet dancers. Fact.

Sounds like you ended up dodging a bullet then, Nik, which is always a good thing. Hope things are going well for you. In my little corner of the world, I got this woman's number I met online today and she asked me to call her tonight, which I will (of course). She's quite attractive, too. Her parents are from Ethiopia originally.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 05, 2017, 01:08:42 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on March 05, 2017, 12:22:17 PM
Sounds like you ended up dodging a bullet then, Nik, which is always a good thing.
Well, like I said she's kind and warm and has the great tight body that dancers have. But I never thought a longterm relationship was going to work with us, whereas she wasn't into the short-term stuff. So, best to let it go.

Quote
Hope things are going well for you.
Yeah, I'm good, thanks. Got the cast removed from my ankle and a lightweight 'walking cast' put on and started physio/rehab. It's strange, but this is the first I think I've ever felt my *age. However, time and patience will do their stuff and get me there.

Quote
In my little corner of the world, I got this woman's number I met online today and she asked me to call her tonight, which I will (of course). She's quite attractive, too. Her parents are from Ethiopia originally.

Cool! Hope the call goes well. I've known quite a lot of women but I don't think I ever knew a woman of Ethiopian heritage. How worldly of you! :)
Anyway you know the score; stay cool, remember to keep breathing etc.  8) And let us know how it goes?


*109
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 05, 2017, 01:36:59 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 05, 2017, 01:08:42 PM
Well, like I said she's kind and warm and has the great tight body that dancers have. But I never thought a longterm relationship was going to work with us, whereas she wasn't into the short-term stuff. So, best to let it go.
Yeah, I'm good, thanks. Got the cast removed from my ankle and a lightweight 'walking cast' put on and started physio/rehab. It's strange, but this is the first I think I've ever felt my *age. However, time and patience will do their stuff and get me there.

Cool! Hope the call goes well. I've known quite a lot of women but I don't think I ever knew a woman of Ethiopian heritage. How worldly of you! :)
Anyway you know the score; stay cool, remember to keep breathing etc.  8) And let us know how it goes?


*109

Yeah, things have a way of sorting out. Good to hear you're recovery is going well. Thanks for the good wishes, I'm going to go into our phone chat with nothing expected and just looking to get to know her a bit more before we arrange to meet up (if things go well that is).
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 07, 2017, 01:41:54 AM
So what happened at the speed dating? Did you go? Was it well attended? Free hospitality bananas offered for all? Do tell.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 07, 2017, 02:12:39 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 07, 2017, 02:06:58 AM
It was more of a social meeting people kind of thing, than a strictly dating/relationships thing. It was hosted by a comedian that tried to make it awkward as possible. They gave away prizes too. Two people got a free night in a five star hotel, I'm not joking  ??? (they're definitely getting laid   ;)  )

I met some people, didn't get any contacts though. Many attractive ladies, one from the music composition area but I didn't get to talk to her (the whole room didn't get to meet everyone) but I will be introducing myself when I see her at the next lecture I see her at  8) 

Lots of dudes there too (of course the ratio will always be a little uneven). You don't know who's gay/straight either which makes a public event like that...confusing. It was just an introducing yourself and having a laugh hind of night but It gave me a little motivation to find some radical ways of introducing myself to random people )and especially girls, obviously) around the campus.

Thousands of girls, I'm bound to find someone that can get past my intergalactic gorilla stinkyness and intense sarcastic, self-deprecating humor...or maybe not  :laugh:



I'll invade earth once my coffee cools down, this planets thermal nuclear percolators are too damn hot  :-[
Thanks for the thorough report.  :)

Good stuff.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Gurn Blanston on March 09, 2017, 12:53:39 PM
As you will all note, I cut several off-topic posts and lobbed them into the dumper. Let's see if we can't keep from straying too far from the topic, shall we?

GB  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 10, 2017, 11:16:06 AM
I'll echo the above post and add that off topic also includes attention seeking BS such as "I didn't mean to disrupt the thread" and "Well, I'll just stop posting in it then".

And I'd like to thank Gurn Blanston again for investing the time and effort in cleaning up the thread so we can continue with it once more on topic. Good stuff. --->  8)

So, dating... Nothing happening here. Last night I managed to hobble to the performance of Brahms VC and took up prime position and unashamedly posed quietly had a drink in the bar beforehand; one hand holding a glass of wine, the other an open copy of 'Cities of the Interior' by Anais Nin... But unfortunately the youngest woman there appeared to be about 93 - and even then she probably looked quite young for her age.

If no one has any dating stories, I'll post the one about why you should keep cool when you ask a woman out but she rejects you.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 10, 2017, 11:51:15 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 10, 2017, 11:24:57 AM
I might try meeting some females at gigs too, there's quite a few jazz concerts around here and a classical concert every few days  8)

Sounds like a plan, you man about town you.  8)
And tell me, Tfa, how important would you say a scarf is as part of your dating (or otherwise) attire? Perhaps you could tell us all, over in the Neckwear for the cool and good thread?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 10, 2017, 05:21:00 PM
Don't take the huff if she says no.

Years ago I was in a busy pharmacy and had handed my script to an older lady who in turn handed it behind and then up and over a half wall, into the manicured little hands of a younger lady who had a head of dark hair and a pair of glasses which with one finger she pushed up from the end of her nose. Occasionally she'd raise her head over the wall, push the glasses up again, then bob back down. One time we made eye contact and she held it a fraction of a second too long and so I knew I could and was going to get her. Still, because back then I was kind of a cad I waited until her head had returned down and I quickly moved to the other side of the pharmacy, so that when she next looked up I was gone, and for a moment before she caught herself she'd quickly scanned all over and from side to side hurriedly looking for me. Oh yeah.

Medications were bagged and handed out by the older lady and because I had been last in I was last catered to. And when my name was called it was the pharmacist herself and she came around the counter, reading from the label and asking my name, address, date of birth, was I already taking any medication or was I allergic to penicillin? She stopped in front of me and raised her eyes. A serious pixie face, petite, almost a miniature woman with those grown-up glasses that regularly crept down her nose. I thanked her and she efficiently smiled, then again gave the game away by using her finger to push her glasses up but finding they hadn't slipped. A little flustered but chin up, she turned and swayed away inside her nearly too big lab coat. Okay, how do I get her? I know she wants me but how exactly do I get her? I searched my thoughts. No, no idea. The pharmacy was always busy and that meant I needed privacy with her. If I was religious I'd look for inspiration, look for an answer from above. But I'm an atheist with a furrowed brow. Still, that didn't stop me raising my eyes above as I thought. And to my heathen non-believer surprise there was the answer delivered from on high. It was a sign, a real sign, suspended by wires and it said "Book your FREE Blood and Diabetes Test Today!"

I returned a few days later, early for my appointment. The pharmacist greeted me and too eagerly smiled as she told me to go over and in to a small cubicle and wait...for her assistant who would then come and administer the tests. No. That's not what I was expecting. But it was just a case of her checking to see if i would stay cool or if I'd whine like a child. I walked over to the cubicle, entered, then moments later was joined by the pharmacist who informed me that her assistant was busy with a customer and she herself would have to do the test. My arm extended out, her glasses pushed up and the door pulled aside, the test began.

Remember, I was a cad and so when she moved to put the blood pressure cuff over my upper arm it encountered a bicep huge and swollen by my last minute dropset exercises at home. And it achieved the desired effect, because she lost a little of her I am a serious professional demeanour and this was further exacerbated when the readings were high. Did I smoke? Was I taking any meds I'd forgot to tell her about? Had I just been to the gym beforehand? No. None of that. I told her I felt great but agreed there must be a reason for such readings. I asked her for her best guess. She offered none. But that's okay, because we both knew the readings were because she wanted me. Really, it was a cert.

I don't like needles, but I will always accept them being used by a doctor or dentist or hospital. She was none of those and so when she asked for my thumb and moved to prick it for a blood sample I let her hold it, but then tucked it tightly into my fist. Glasses almost rammed up in exasperation, rolling eyes and a fake sigh, she wrestled my hand to get my palm open and retrieve my thumb, telling me I would be fine and I wouldn't feel it. The little liar. She applied the band aid and announced the tests were over. We left the cubicle.

The time to strike is now, here, right now as she's filling in a form with the results. But I'm going to remind you again that I knew she wanted me. How sure was I? Well, you can never say 100% for certain. But in this instance I could say 99.99% certain. She signed the form and told me I could give it to my GP for my records. Then she added that as far as she could tell I was in good shape. I told her I knew that. And then she looked me in the eye and quite firmly asked me if there was anything else. There was and I knew for sure it was a formality -

Me: Yes, give me your number. I want to take you out.
Her: No. I'm not interested.



(Second and final part in the next post)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 10, 2017, 05:32:52 PM
Even now if I had to choose of all the women I've known, the one I was most sure that was not only interested in me but that I would quickly bed, it would be her. I knew she wanted me. I could even feel it. But she had said no. A firm and clear rejection.

It's unsolicited advice time. Yay! Here's what you don't do when she has shot you down -
You don't say "Really? I thought we had so much in common" or "But you always said you wish you could find a good guy like me!" and definitely don't say "If you ever change your mind, let me know?" - really, don't say that.
Here's what you do say -
"Okay". That's it. No sigh, no pouting, no slumped shoulders or anything like that. Just "Okay". And then act as if nothing happened. Yes, it's possible to do that. And that's what I did when I knew she wanted me but she said "No". I said "Okay", smiled, thanked her again for the test and then I left the pharmacy. And no, no looking back.

I went out the door and turned left and had walked a few paces when I realised that I was so shocked by her answer that I'd gone the wrong way. I turned, retraced my steps and found myself level with the pharmacy. Should I look through the window before I pass? Yes, I should, because she has a right to reject me - even though I knew she wanted me, dammit! - and I am not a self-entitled child who takes the huff when I don't get what I want. And so I looked through the window and she was at the counter and just as I was about to pass by she waved, she waved me in and see? I told you she wanted me.

Through the door again with a mantra running through my head that's 'Don't look smug', because even now it's still possible to mess it up. Okay, here's what you say when she has agreed to a date: nothing. You say nothing.
I said nothing, I didn't look smug, I just stood there and didn't mess it up. She stood there too, eyes looking at me over her glasses, firm, steady, intense. A few moments more, then with one hand she took a pen from her labcoat while the other took a business card from a pile by the cash register. She turned the card over and started to write on the reverse, mumbling to herself with a little laugh "...can't believe I'm doing this..."

She extended the card to me. I could see it had her name and number written on it. I reached out to take it and just as it was almost in my grasp she quickly pulled it back. Then she extended it again, slowly and turning it about 90 degrees, she used it almost as a pointer to punctuate the first few words of what she said next -

"You are far, far too confident. And I'm not sure how I feel about that".

I took the card and said thanks. She was still staring up at me. I said nothing else, not even to confirm I'd call. And I didn't say goodbye. I left the pharmacy and didn't look back or through the window. Two days later we went out to dinner and afterwards on the way home had sex in her car.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 10, 2017, 07:46:23 PM
Nik, you should write a book. You really should. The title of the book should be Women: What Not To Say. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 11, 2017, 04:03:36 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on March 10, 2017, 07:46:23 PM
Nik, you should write a book. You really should. The title of the book should be Women: What Not To Say. :)

For the past five or six years I haven't even cared about having a proper website for my photography work, and so the chance of me ever writing down and documenting my adventures with women is next to nothing. ;D  But I enjoy looking through my diaries and journals once in a while and remembering stuff. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 11, 2017, 05:33:48 AM
I'll add: I used the pharmacist's phone number only to arrange the time and place for the date. No conversations, nothing else. I told her to meet me at a specific time in a restaurant I knew called 'The Chaps'. I got there right on time. I was seated and waited for her. 15 minutes passed and I was still there alone. Then I received an SMS from her asking where I was. I told her I was at the table. She called me and said she couldn't see me. After a few minutes more the discovery was made that I was in a restaurant named 'The Chaps'. But she was in a bar/restaurant in the other side of town named 'Chaps' - which at that time was known as one of the wildest gay bars in town. And so she had been sitting there and wondering "Why did he ask to meet me in a gay bar?" ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 11, 2017, 05:43:06 AM
Quote from: NikF on March 11, 2017, 05:33:48 AM
I'll add: I used the pharmacist's phone number only to arrange the time and place for the date. No conversations, nothing else. I told her to meet me at a specific time in a restaurant I knew called 'The Chaps'. I got there right on time. I was seated and waited for her. 15 minutes passed and I was still there alone. Then I received an SMS from her asking where I was. I told her I was at the table. She called me and said she couldn't see me. After a few minutes more the discovery was made that I was in a restaurant named 'The Chaps'. But she was in a bar/restaurant in the other side of town named 'Chaps' - which at that time was known as one of the wildest gay bars in town. And so she had been sitting there and wondering "Why did he ask to meet me in a gay bar?" ;D

:laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 12, 2017, 04:47:23 PM
The All Gain, All Pain Dating Method! 100% Guaranteed to Work!

Fred Ferguson was my friend who in the afternoons played piano below the exposed beams of a low-ceilinged lounge bar under a charming restaurant. He was such a good guy the worst thing I could say about him was that he chose the stage name of Freddie 'Fingers' Ferguson. This was back when I was about 27 or 28 and still reasonably charming and used to head downstairs to hear him and have myself an easy flirt with the waitresses. Fred always played my request, for Hoagy Carmichael's 'Stardust'.

One afternoon I arrived early but was let in because my face was well known. Down to the lounge consisting of low tables surrounded by low stools that were currently unoccupied. Ah, apart from one table, one which had a short, slight figure standing on it. Working our way up; a vision in heels, stockings, just above the knee black skirt, white satin shirt and long, straight, raven black hair, so black that if you put a rimlight on it to separate it from the background it would suck that light up like a black hole. Note: I don't know if that's how black holes really work.
She turned to see who I was, made eye contact for an instant and then the fatal mistake of shifting her gaze slightly to over my shoulder and pretending she was looking at... nothing - and that told me she could be/probably would be interested. But it also showed...wait for it...her hair pushed back by a blue Alice band. Oh my, what a frame. She returned to what she had been doing, which was pinning flyers or small posters on the lowest beams. I moved away, but, this isn't over between us, you understand?

Fred was assembling a mic stand while watching me approach. He started slowly shaking his head from side to side while silently mouthing the word "No". No to...what? To the cutie pie. She's out of bounds. And she's 18 years old, back home on a break from University and earning some cash working as a waitress in her father's lounge bar restaurant. And speaking of her father, Fred added that the chap was a known loonball who if he ever caught his darling little daughter with someone would violently dismember the cad and then fire the bloody pieces into the heart of the sun. Okay, I got that. But look at her. What's her name?

He went to make a call. I went in the direction of the nubile. I leaned against the wall and watched her. She knew it and finished pinning a poster then turned to step off the table and on to a stool. But it was time for amateur dramatics and she was the world's worst actress. One foot tentatively reaching to the stool but then pulled back, then a small *sigh*, then trying it with the other foot and a louder *SIGH* so that I would hear her cue. I walked over and reached out to take her hand. Notice how I didn't say "Can I help?" or "Here, take my hand". I just took her hand and she held it tight. Then she ditched the flyers and reached for my other hand. I helped her down on to the stool, then on to the floor. She gasped and feigned being slightly exasperated, while explaining that her heels were slipping on some of the tabletops and so she couldn't step down from them safely, all said with an innocent face designed to feel sorry for.

We walked over to another table that was under a beam, chatting while I helped her up on to a table this time. Her hand was small and her slim wrist almost lost in the two times turned up sleeve of her shirt. It  all added to the helpless waif look. And when she let go of my hand it included slightly trailing her delicate fingers away over my palm. I see.

This pattern continued and we chatted about stuff, table to table, beam to beam until the last one, where after pinning a final flyer she was all giggles and eyelashes and nubile and announced 'Here, watch me be brave and jump from the table on to the floor...oh I did it and nearly lost my balance but you caught me!' Yeah, nice aim, straight into my arms. I gave her my number. She told me she'd call. I believed her.

(Part two to follow)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 12, 2017, 04:58:18 PM
She called the studio phone on Friday night and told me she'd arrive in Saturday, noon at the latest. She appeared about 18:00.
Up the stairs, chatting, laughing, denim mini and jacket, cap-sleeved T-shirt, no Alice band this time but it's not the end of the world. A studio tour? Sure. Here's the office. Here's the main room. Mostly people, fashion, a little glamour and stuff. Okay, but don't look directly into the flash. Ready? Yeah, umbrellas without handles. Here's the smaller room. Well, when it's a photo of something like minestrone soup we put glass marbles in the bottom of the bowl so that the pasta and vegetables are raised and appear visible near the surface. Good question - by blowing cigarette smoke through a drinking straw aimed at the bowl. Yeah, my boss always has whisky. 

We took glasses and the bottle into what was my bedroom. It still had 8x10 prints pinned here and there, almost all of models I'd worked with. She looked at them and momentarily went all quiet. Then she spotted my bed, a small and narrow bunk, kind of like found in a barracks. Laying back on it she pronounced it too small for one nevermind two and prompted me over to prove her point. Turns out she was one of those wild, almost freaky girls, but I wasn't really surprised. At some point we stopped and the next thing I remember was her waking me early in the am saying she was leaving to go home and get changed for work, but would return at 18:00 that evening when we'd go out for a drink and then back to the bunk to f--k. She arrived near midnight, still in her waitress uniform, carrying an optics bottle (upside down label) of whisky. A drink and then bunk time. Again, she left early in the am, saying she'd return and take me out to lunch. I never saw her ever again.

(Final part to follow)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 12, 2017, 05:03:37 PM
A few days later I was out buying lunch, carrying it back to the studio in a brown bag. I stopped before crossing the road because some dude was over the way and staring at me. You know how nightclub doormen are usually big guys who rely mostly on their bulk in order to intimidate? Wimps. But this guy was the real thing. My colourful upbringing allowed me to quickly identify him as a hardman, a heavy. I was in real trouble. We made eye contact. I turned and walked away. We kept eye contact as he followed from across the road. The traffic stopped at the red light. I turned again and walked, he did the same until the light changed and just as the traffic started to move I bolted across the road between the cars and aimed for the alley behind the studio. There is a fire escape there and I will reach it, jump and pull myself up, climb through the back window, run into my bedroom and hide under my bed. I reached the alley and sprinted down it and could barely breathe and I'm on my back and a second heavy dude is approaching and slowly - but probably as hard as he can - swinging his boot back and then forward, straight into my balls.

I don't care that I'm still too winded to scream. I'll just lay here. The sky can fall, the ground can open up below me, it's okay. I don't even mind that I can hardly move to curl up and protect myself while the two heavies kick the sh*t out of me.

A door in the alley opened. A Chinese waiter stepped out to light a cigarette but stopped when he saw the beating. A shout, then he was joined by colleagues. They approached. The heavies gave me a couple more kicks, then stopped and walked away. The Chinese restaurant staff helped me to my feet and half carried me into their kitchen. A seat and a glass of water. Then carried again to the old cage elevator and into the studio. Thanks.

The next morning. I'm aching. And bruised. All over. I look in my shaving mirror. It's my own fault. I was warned. Yeah, she was wild bizarro great in bed but I paid the price. And I'm lucky the Chinese dude saw it because the heavies were probably just getting warmed up. I've learned my lesson.
The end of the week. I'm okay. I survived. And if she calls I'll just arrange to meet her in a hotel outside town, we'll arrive and depart separately and no one will ever find out. And I'm an idiot.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 13, 2017, 12:30:49 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 12, 2017, 04:47:23 PM
Fred Ferguson was my friend who in the afternoons played piano below the exposed beams of a low-ceilinged lounge bar under a charming restaurant. He was such a good guy the worst thing I could say about him was that he chose the stage name of Freddie 'Fingers' Ferguson. This was back when I was about 27 or 28 and still reasonably charming and used to head downstairs to hear him and have myself an easy flirt with the waitresses. Fred always played my request, for Hoagy Carmichael's 'Stardust'....

Is this the beginning of your "noir" novel, or an actual "date" you were on? In any case, very well written, and a fascinating read. And it's proof that men have d-ck for brains  ;D ...god help us all.

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 13, 2017, 01:17:29 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 13, 2017, 12:30:49 PM
Is this the beginning of your "noir" novel, or an actual "date" you were on? In any case, very well written, and a fascinating read. And it's proof that men have d-ck for brains  ;D ...god help us all.

Sarge


Like everything I post in this thread, it's real. I understand if there are opinions about it ranging from 'take it with a pinch of salt' right up to 'Lies!'. But it's all true. If anything I've toned it down to make it SFW. And I suppose I've even understated it a little as a whole.
But thanks. Ah, and another truth is that I sometimes still have d-ck for brains. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 13, 2017, 01:23:20 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 13, 2017, 01:17:29 PM

Like everything I post in this thread, it's real.

I never doubted that. My remark was an oblique way of praising your writing style.

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 13, 2017, 01:31:33 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 13, 2017, 01:23:20 PM
I never doubted that. My remark was an oblique way of praising your writing style.

Sarge

Ah, right. Sorry Sarge. You have my apologies.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 13, 2017, 02:09:06 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 13, 2017, 01:31:33 PM
Ah, right. Sorry Sarge. You have my apologies.

No need to apologize. I see where I could easily be misunderstood. And to explain the quotes around the word date in my post: in the context of this thread, your encounter with the woman was more booty call than "date"...not that there's anything wrong with that  ;) 8)

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 14, 2017, 11:28:18 AM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 13, 2017, 02:09:06 PM
No need to apologize. I see where I could easily be misunderstood. And to explain the quotes around the word date in my post: in the context of this thread, your encounter with the woman was more booty call than "date"...not that there's anything wrong with that  ;) 8)

Sarge

I don't know about that Sarge, I was there at the time and I assure you I offered her my number based on the assumption it would lead to a date. I can say with all sincerity that my heart was in the right place. And that's my story and I'm sticking to it. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 14, 2017, 12:58:56 PM
The pharmacist I told the story about? ("You are far, far too confident - and I'm not sure how I feel about that") I've just looked her up. That's only the (I think) third time I've ever tried to find someone online I used to date or have a relationship with. Anyway, she's single. And I'm going to get in touch with her and I've already decided to take her out. Well, you know what I mean - to ask her out. I'll post any update.
What could possibly go wrong?  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on March 14, 2017, 09:56:10 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 14, 2017, 12:58:56 PM
The pharmacist I told the story about? ("You are far, far too confident - and I'm not sure how I feel about that") I've just looked her up. That's only the (I think) third time I've ever tried to find someone online I used to date or have a relationship with. Anyway, she's single. And I'm going to get in touch with her and I've already decided to take her out. Well, you know what I mean - to ask her out. I'll post any update.
What could possibly go wrong?  ;D
What could go wrong? She might want to go back to the gay bar and take you with her....
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 14, 2017, 10:02:07 PM
Quote from: jessop on March 14, 2017, 09:56:10 PM
What could go wrong? She might want to go back to the gay bar and take you with her....

And what would be wrong with that, oor jessop?

Which reminds me, if there are any gay brethren who wish to post of their dating successes or woes, go right ahead. This thread is a broad church. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 15, 2017, 01:14:19 PM
It continues ... Just returned from a concert where throughout I could feel the eyes of dancer looking at me from the her seat. But I still believe she'll eventually get tired of it and cease the glares. Either that or based on previous experience I'll be confronted and pronounced some kind of rake and she'll leave in a huff - possibly combined with her throwing a left hook and then exiting with a grand jeté?
It's so childish, really.  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 15, 2017, 01:21:01 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 15, 2017, 01:14:19 PMpossibly combined with her throwing a left hook and then exiting with a grand jeté?

;D :D ;D ...given your boxing experience, try to do no more than block it. Don't launch a retaliatory strike, whether violent or balletic  ;)


Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 15, 2017, 01:23:44 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 14, 2017, 10:02:07 PM
And what would be wrong with that, oor jessop?

A dearth of women? But since you'd be with a woman, I guess the type of bar wouldn't matter.

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 15, 2017, 01:35:15 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 15, 2017, 01:21:01 PM
;D :D ;D ...given your boxing experience, try to do no more than block it. Don't launch a retaliatory strike, whether violent or balletic  ;)


Sarge

Balletic? Bobbing, weaving and slipping, Sarge. Bobbing, weaving and slipping. That's my bag.   :)

Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 15, 2017, 01:23:44 PM
A dearth of women? But since you'd be with a woman, I guess the type of bar wouldn't matter.


Yeah, I'd be with a woman anyway - one who based on a couple of photos still appears to have a nice figure.   8)
Also: pro tip for finding (female) fashion models (or any women, for that matter) when they're on a night out or just wanting to enjoy a drink relatively undisturbed - gay bars/clubs.  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 15, 2017, 05:56:58 PM
I've no plans to post another dating story after this one. And I'm only posting this one because Sarge was kind enough to say kind words about the last. I shouldn't be encouraged so. ;D


Dating the girl with Louise Brooks hair.

My diary doesn't have room to tell me why I first met Sophie. It only notes that she was 16 and a middle-class after school drama club actress who dressed like a middle-aged housewife - all mousy curls, tweed, pearls and goody sensible two shoes.

A couple of years later we met again just as she was starting at drama school. I failed to recognise her because she had painted her lips red and dyed her hair black. She'd been at a party with someone I knew and they stopped me in the street to say hello. I got her number and she asked to keep in touch. When a girl says that it usually means she'll keep in touch too if she's truly interested. Sophie kept in touch.

Dates. We had lunch. Mostly coffee. The first one brief, but before leaving she found and took her time over an empty cup to sit looking into a pink shelled compact, reflecting, examining, picking with her pinky finger at the edge of her lips to flick away invisible faults and so maintain the red line. A few days later another lunch, her grooming habits more familiar now and further augmented; she removed a thumb ring and held it like a target, then asked for my hand and wordlessly started testing to see how far and which of my own fingers would fit inside, and when we found a close fit she started to ever-so-slowly slide the ring back and forth, over my finger, starting at the tip then lowering it as close to my boxer's knuckle as she could, then back up to pause by the nail bed, repeat, over and over. Repeat. Still, while we could frequently find time for lunches there was never enough for more than that, but we saved it all up.

One of her drama tutors had early on advised her class to go to any audition they can for every role they could, just for experience and the hell of it. Sophie did this, beat the long, long odds and got a call back. She rolled again and found herself in London for about a week of filming a small part in a TV show. Despite her excitement she promised unprompted that as soon as she got back we'd really make real love - her exact words, not mine.

She called near the end of the week. Some family were down there and she was spending a couple of days with them. And oh, they cut her hair for the part and she had styled it further into a Louise Brooks bob. I was assured I would find it sexy. I assured her I would do so. Near the end of the second week a second call. Can I book a taxi to meet her at the train station? And can we go out on the following (Saturday) night? Finally, do I have two (male) friends suitable to go out with her two roommates at the same time?

Sorry, sorry, no journal sourced insight about why my friends and I arrived so early at her flat. But it was the afternoon and warm and sunny. The house was split into separate apartments with ground left and first floor left belonging to Sophie and her roommates. We rang the bell and it was one of the roommates who answered and let us in. She told us to hang up our jackets on a hook next to the door. I placed mine there along with my silk scarf. We were ushered into the living room where the three of us took a seat on the sofa. This room was dim, cosy and fashionably Bohemian but mostly dim.


(Part two to follow)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 15, 2017, 05:57:22 PM
We were joined by the second roommate who placed an ashtray on top of a lovely Deco tiled but long extinguished fireplace and informed us they were all running late at getting ready. She offered a joint or a drink. One of my friends - a sound engineer by trade - indicated he would smoke, The other friend? I now have no idea who the dude was. I can't even remember his name. Anyway, he too accepted the joint. Yes, I'd like a whisky, please. The roommate disappeared for a few minutes then returned and slowly, carefully handed me a water glass filled to the brim with whisky. I've got it. Then she went over to a cassette deck, pressed play, and after only a few bars of loud, loud intro the sound engineer almost shouted to be heard "Jones. Sadkin. Compass Point". The roommate indicated ten minutes and left.

The ten and more minutes passed and the joint was smoked and another skinned up. I had been drinking my whisky and finally managed to put a dent in it. The room was increasingly stuffy with fumes due to the blinds being pulled down over the open windows and resulted in me feeling pleasantly high. One of the roommates came in and turned the music down to say they wouldn't be long now and that Sophie was taking a bath. She then asked if we wanted to go into the next room and watch some pron on VHS with her and the other roommate while we waited. I was okay (aka feeling too lightheaded to move) the sound engineer also declined, but unknown dude followed her with a greedy grin. He returned about five minutes later. Had he changed his mind? Did he feel uncomfortable watching it with two strange girls? He told us why - "Gay pron".

Right here, right now as I write, I still never sit with my back to a door. However there are always exceptions. And back then a door opened and I looked over my shoulder. The girl with Louise Brooks hair.

(Part three to follow)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 15, 2017, 05:57:53 PM
The dimness of the room, the effects of the whisky, the second hand smoke, the heat, my relocation to pseudo Bohemia, all of it combined to turn the micro contrast down on my senses. That is, unless I was looking at Sophie, Sophie in almost sprayed on tight red leggings and a short cropped halter top that left her stomach and whole back naked and exposed. And the red lips and the Louise Brooks hair. I watched her walk bare footed towards the tape deck. She squatted down in front of it and looked through a box of cassettes.

Sophie finds a tape. Puts it in the player. And this song begins to play -

http://www.youtube.com/v/9GZGyBZ65Ro

(John Martyn - Please Fall in Love with Me)

She stayed there motionless for a moment then stood and walked over behind the end of the sofa where unknown dude was sitting. I watched her slowly start to move, her feet remaining fixed on the spot, one hip slightly swaying forward then back, followed by the mirrored movement of the other side, then repeat. She reached over and took the joint from his hand, smoked, and returned it.

This soft dance joined by a smile continued around the sofa and in front of unknown dude who by this time was almost distracting me because his body language had changed. He was still sitting back, but for someone stoned he appeared kind of uptight. From a distance the movement of Sophie's hips was almost imperceptible, but they pulled me in. Then she moved on a little and stopped in front of the sound engineer, looking at him with the same smile, performing the same nearly dance. He had a huge grin on his face. I looked back at her just as it was my turn. Finally, my turn. She moved over in front of me. Her hips at my eye level. And I saw.

The red leggings were actually red sheer tights/pantyhose and clearly showed that underneath was nothing more than bare skin. And the halter top hadn't existed, because before entering the room she had simply taken my silk scarf and draped it around her neck, letting the ends fall wherever. And if you're trying to picture little Sophie's lithe smooth body in that room at that very moment, I suggest Tri-X pushed to 800, f/2.8, 1/80 sec.

Throughout my dance she smiled, then more serious she slightly parted the red lips and finally bent over and while still dancing put her mouth next to my right ear. I waited for a whisper but there was none. Just her breath and fresh from bathing scent. Eventually she kissed my cheek, stood and left the room.

(Fourth and final part to follow)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 15, 2017, 05:58:34 PM
Six of us can't fit in one taxi cab and even if it wasn't illegal it would be uncomfortable. So we called two. Four in the first, Sophie and I in the second, sitting close enough for one. Taken into town where we stopped at a too busy bar and had a drink. She looked great in a young drama school actress kind of way; little ankle boots, red stockings, skirt, striped Bardot top (her bare shoulders) and a bandsman's jacket in black with matching brocade, red lips now familiar old friends, the still new Louise Brooks hair. She also looked hot as hell, which was illustrated by the tall and successful suit zooming in on her when she was on her way back from fixing her makeup in the ladies room. She stood and spoke and smiled with him but continually looked over to me. Yeah, I'm fine.

All of us moved to another place, this time a little more quiet. The quartet had decided to go clubbing and were discussing which to visit. I suggested to Sophie that when they find somewhere we should go home and to bed. She replied yes we could but instead should and in fact would wait because she wanted to see the city at night with me. We walked the others to a club and kept them company in the queue for a little while, then exchanged goodnight wishes and headed off on our own trail.

We found somewhere to have a drink. We bought donuts. We watched street puppet theatre. We went to an arcade and played one of those video games where you sit inside the cabinet but not usually both of you at the same time. Then we played pinball, Sophie in front of me on tiptoe, sometimes leaning over the table, her excited little hops and squeals, pert, all pert, fingers under mine on the flippers, and then finally, at her request I punched a leather bag to try and make the pointer on a dial go all the way past 'Rookie' to 'Contender' then 'Heavyweight World Champ', although from the outset I had already secretly settled for 'The Knockout.'

Finally I took her to a bar I knew. It had a late licence and so was a favoured haunt of such as late shift workers, taxi drivers, nightclub ejectees, dope dealers, press photographers, hookers, and anyone else really, anyone wishing an early hours drink with an optional side of stranger's stories. We both ordered house whiskies and went upstairs where there was a balcony and pool table and bikers already playing, but they could tell I had been around and they thought Sophie cute, so it was all cool and good.

"Time, ladies and gentlemen! Time, please!" There's a long straight road that begins in the city centre and heads West continuing as far as you might need. We planned to start walking in that direction and hail a cab somewhere along the way.
In the meantime, this is what's known as the financial district and it's quiet and empty now on the weekend, barely a lit window in brutalist buildings grey even in the dark. Not a soul outside. Only us. No sign of a taxi yet, no one waiting in the bus shelters. We lazily walked joined together at the hip, my arm around her and paused only for a minute or two in a dim doorway or lit shelter for a quick laugh and kiss.

This next shelter stood lonely. It had a broken light which left one side in darkness. We walked in there. No words. The light went on, flickered, then went off. We looked up at it. It went on and off, stayed on. Off. Repeat. We looked back to each other, kissed long, my hands on her hips and I remember them earlier swaying, kissing deep, finally broke to breathe, and I picked her up lifted and held her up against the corner wall of the shelter, and gratefully heard her gentle whisper of "Do me".

We got a taxi, I fielded the driver's friendly but annoying questions about did we have a good night?/where did we go?/did we have a long wait for a taxi? (We did, thanks/a few places/Yeah, but it was okay) Sophie was almost asleep with her head on my shoulder, tightly gripping my scarf and moaning a little whenever we hit a bump on the road.

In my flat she was more awake and wanted a repeat of the shelter. Then we slept and when we woke it was a replay of the repeat. Finally we broke the cycle, showered and had an early breakfast in a cheap cafe. Coffee. Milk. Egg, bright yellow yolk dripping from the bread roll, her finger catching, wiping, transferring it to fresh red lips. Louise Brooks hair. Jesus Christ, I remember you Sophie, even now, Jesus f---ing Christ. And how we didn't talk much but were reticent to look away from each other. When we left we shivered and so I wrapped my scarf around her and braved the long way home, through the park, along the path to where it split and we stopped and hugged and looked and kissed. We admitted we hadn't expected this and didn't know what to do but agreed to do something good. Back home and we really made real love - her words, and mine. Afterwards we had a serious conversation of all the pros and cons, then decided she would move in on Monday. She did. Our first place together.

A couple of weeks later she came home and told me she had met someone else and was sorry.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 16, 2017, 04:41:37 AM
Question: is it commonplace when someone is giving you her phone number that she takes your phone and enters the number herself? 

e: more exactly, is it a Young People™ thing done as a matter of course?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 16, 2017, 01:19:32 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 15, 2017, 05:58:34 PM
A couple of weeks later she came home and told me she had met someone else and was sorry.

Story of my life...well, the first third of my life anyway  ;D

For the young dudes here who don't know who Louise Brooks is:

(http://photos.imageevent.com/sgtrock/feb2016/LB.jpg)


Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on March 16, 2017, 05:47:53 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 16, 2017, 04:41:37 AM
Question: is it commonplace when someone is giving you her phone number that she takes your phone and enters the number herself? 

e: more exactly, is it a Young People™ thing done as a matter of course?
Yes
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 16, 2017, 07:19:22 PM
Why dating sites are frustrating and a complete waste of time: I ran across a woman's profile and she had written in her profile that the man she chooses to date must like/love country music. Ummm...yeah. ::) That's like me going out with a woman and during our date I ask "So do you like classical music?" And if she replies "No," I get up and leave. I mean some women's logic just don't make any sense. ???
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 16, 2017, 07:33:44 PM
Quote from: greg on March 16, 2017, 05:47:53 PM
Yes

Thanks.

Quote from: Mirror Image on March 16, 2017, 07:19:22 PM
Why dating sites are frustrating and a complete waste of time: I ran across a woman's profile and she had written in her profile that the man she chooses to date must like/love country music. Ummm...yeah. ::) That's like me going out with a woman and during our date I ask "So do you like classical music?" And if she replies "No," I get up and leave. I mean some women's logic just don't make any sense. ???

Aw, come on. I can just see you sitting there...cowboy hat, Marty Robbins box set, spinning your six gun controller and yee hawin' very time you get a kill in Zelda ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 16, 2017, 07:47:36 PM
The reason for my question about entering a phone number -
In the supermarket, the wine and spirits aisle, a nice office kind of lady was looking back and forth between two bottles of wine. She put one back on the shelf and the other in the basket, shrugging at me as if to say she didn't know which to choose. I said "I hope you bought that for yourself, because if it's for someone else you must really hate them". Anyway I got her number. She insisted on entering the digits herself.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 16, 2017, 08:46:54 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 16, 2017, 07:33:44 PM
Aw, come on. I can just see you sitting there...cowboy hat, Marty Robbins box set, spinning your six gun controller and yee hawin' very time you get a kill in Zelda ;D

Hah! ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 16, 2017, 09:21:13 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on March 16, 2017, 08:46:54 PM
Hah! ;D

But yeah, those kinds of deal breakers can be something else. I can more easily understand the whole "Must be over six ft tall" (that's the one that most often disqualifies me) stuff, but the "must like woody plants and herbaceous perennials" that have nothing to do with anything are kind of ridiculous.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 17, 2017, 07:53:59 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 16, 2017, 01:19:32 PM
Story of my life...well, the first third of my life anyway  ;D

For the young dudes here who don't know who Louise Brooks is:

(http://photos.imageevent.com/sgtrock/feb2016/LB.jpg)


Sarge

(http://i.imgur.com/jYtNG4K.jpg)


Sophie?  ???

(From a 1920s magazine)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on March 18, 2017, 01:33:24 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 16, 2017, 09:21:13 PM
But yeah, those kinds of deal breakers can be something else. I can more easily understand the whole "Must be over six ft tall" (that's the one that most often disqualifies me) stuff
I can totally understand... if the woman is on the tall side. Like anything above 5'9". Otherwise, that would be the equivalent of me saying anyone over 5' is a dealbreaker. I think the more level-headed women don't think like this, though. For example, my mom dated a guy that was 6'5" (when she was young, probably high school) and hated it (she's 5'2"). My dad was my height (5'10") and my step dad is a little shorter, so makes much more sense.  ;D

Nothing wrong with the height difference thing at all, just making it a deal breaker would make me question how out of control their fetish is that maybe there is something wrong with them?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 18, 2017, 01:40:10 PM
Quote from: greg on March 18, 2017, 01:33:24 PM
I can totally understand... if the woman is on the tall side. Like anything above 5'9". Otherwise, that would be the equivalent of me saying anyone over 5' is a dealbreaker. I think the more level-headed women don't think like this, though. For example, my mom dated a guy that was 6'5" (when she was young, probably high school) and hated it (she's 5'2"). My dad was my height (5'10") and my step dad is a little shorter, so makes much more sense.  ;D

Nothing wrong with the height difference thing at all, just making it a deal breaker would make me question how out of control their fetish is that maybe there is something wrong with them?

Yeah, like I said, it's understandable. My ex was almost 6' 1" in three inch heels, whereas I'm 5' 8" (not in three inch heels ;D)  But I'm not going down the route of saying someone has something wrong with them. And neither is this thread. 
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 18, 2017, 02:08:43 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 18, 2017, 02:01:42 PM
Ok, I've been feeling some deep feelings towards music lately so I've decided to ask her out. See how it goes  8)
Careful, she's got a rep for being exactly the way every guy wants her to...
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 18, 2017, 02:24:00 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 18, 2017, 02:19:16 PM
You know her??? No way!!!  :o :o :o ??? ???

Yeah. 
Sorry, man. I guess I should have broke it to you more gently.  :-[
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 18, 2017, 02:38:38 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 17, 2017, 07:53:59 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/jYtNG4K.jpg)


Sophie?  ???

Apparently Guido Crepax knows her too.

(http://photos.imageevent.com/sgtrock/feb2016/img901.jpg)

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 18, 2017, 02:43:41 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 18, 2017, 02:38:38 PM
Apparently Guido Crepax knows her too.

(http://photos.imageevent.com/sgtrock/feb2016/img901.jpg)

Sarge

Why am I always the last to know?  :'( :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 20, 2017, 06:53:47 AM
Update:
As far as I'm concerned the dancer is long gone.
I forgot to message the pharmacist about old times, but I'll do so the moment I finish posting this.
Had a cup of coffee this afternoon with the woman who gave me her number in the supermarket. Meh.
My new friend and I hung out over the weekend. We've both signed up for classes (aerial silks for her, trapeze for me) at one of the local circus skills places in a couple of weeks. We'll continue hanging out until then.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 20, 2017, 10:34:16 AM
I don't know if anyone remembers me saying how I went to do some (fashion) work in Russia, that while I was there I met an ex Soviet Union gymnast, started dating her and as a result moved there to live with her and work - despite her not speaking any English and me speaking no Russian. :laugh: This was at the end of our first year and we had both learned a few words. It's a 90 second, low res video, shot on a - I kid ye not - Fisher Price kid's camcorder using a sports finder. ;D (my work cameras during that era were the Nikon D2X - that's how long ago this is from). As ever, it'll only be online for a short time.

I don't want to embed it, so - https://youtu.be/9os_Vsnl8WA

The concert hall a few seconds into the video is where I heard my first Prokofiev, Shosty, and opera - magical years, for a number of reasons.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ghost Sonata on March 20, 2017, 10:59:00 AM
Quote from: NikF on March 20, 2017, 10:34:16 AM
I don't know if anyone remembers me saying how I went to do some (fashion) work in Russia, that while I was there I met an ex Soviet Union gymnast, started dating her and as a result moved there to live with her and work - despite her not speaking any English and me speaking no Russian. :laugh: This was at the end of our first year and we had both learned a few words. It's a 90 second, low res video, shot on a - I kid ye not - Fisher Price kid's camcorder using a sports finder. ;D (my work cameras during that era were the Nikon D2X - that's how long ago this is from). As ever, it'll only be online for a short time.

I don't want to embed it, so - http://www.youtube.com/v/9os_Vsnl8WA

The concert hall a few seconds into the video is where I heard my first Prokofiev, Shosty, and opera - magical years, for a number of reasons.  :)

A very short time...
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Artem on March 22, 2017, 12:01:09 AM
Quote from: NikF on March 20, 2017, 10:34:16 AM
I don't know if anyone remembers me saying how I went to do some (fashion) work in Russia, that while I was there I met an ex Soviet Union gymnast, started dating her and as a result moved there to live with her and work - despite her not speaking any English and me speaking no Russian. :laugh: This was at the end of our first year and we had both learned a few words. It's a 90 second, low res video, shot on a - I kid ye not - Fisher Price kid's camcorder using a sports finder. ;D (my work cameras during that era were the Nikon D2X - that's how long ago this is from). As ever, it'll only be online for a short time.

I don't want to embed it, so - https://youtu.be/9os_Vsnl8WA

The concert hall a few seconds into the video is where I heard my first Prokofiev, Shosty, and opera - magical years, for a number of reasons.  :)
What year was it?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 22, 2017, 01:23:34 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 21, 2017, 11:12:12 PM
In the past two weeks, there's this girl  ;D

I will elaborate  ;)

Good stuff.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 22, 2017, 01:24:11 AM
Quote from: Artem on March 22, 2017, 12:01:09 AM
What year was it?

It might be 2005. Or 2004.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 22, 2017, 01:38:57 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 22, 2017, 01:31:39 AM

I want to explode but mental diarrhea might be too incomprehensible tonight, I'll see where my adventure takes me tomorrow.

There have been three girls I have been "eyeing" and I happened to see one at choir tonight, I'll be making my grand entrance when I see her tomorrow. In classic TFA style, if I make a fool of myself: I'll bloody own it then and there (completely self-aware)   :D 

This will be my official attempt #1 for 2017  0:)

Don't explode.

I repeat, good stuff.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 22, 2017, 01:53:35 AM
Quote from: Artem on March 22, 2017, 12:01:09 AM
What year was it?

I've thought about it further and I'm almost certain that was from 2005. The reason being, it was around the first time I used a cameraphone to take a photo - this one https://youtu.be/HsNusksYph4
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Artem on March 22, 2017, 05:47:20 AM
It looked like the 90s to me. Although, Russia looks like the 90s most of the time to me. That must have been quite an experience to live in Russia, Nikf.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 22, 2017, 06:16:35 AM
Quote from: NikF on March 22, 2017, 01:53:35 AM
I've thought about it further and I'm almost certain that was from 2005. The reason being, it was around the first time I used a cameraphone to take a photo - this one https://youtu.be/HsNusksYph4

You posted that photo in the Photography thread...memorable. First time seeing the video though. Lovely woman.

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 22, 2017, 08:11:23 AM
Quote from: Artem on March 22, 2017, 05:47:20 AM
It looked like the 90s to me. Although, Russia looks like the 90s most of the time to me. That must have been quite an experience to live in Russia, Nikf.

Yeah, it was an incredibly interesting and formative experience and one I appreciate having. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 22, 2017, 08:11:36 AM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 22, 2017, 06:16:35 AM
You posted that photo in the Photography thread...memorable. First time seeing the video though. Lovely woman.

Sarge

She was something else. Womanly as hell. And I mean that in the most positive and broad sense.  8)

NSFW but tame nonetheless http://i.imgur.com/KlMGfc8l.png  NSFW
Taken with the same old cellphone.

About ten years ago I took my website offline. It had existed in some form since February of 1994. Then five or six years ago we bought new domain names (using a surname I haven't worked under) with the plan to archive my work on one and have a compedium of my photo blog posts (including behind the scenes video clips and even some old Super 8 footage) on the other. But my heart wasn't in it and the domains still point to a holding page at blogger or wordpress. However I've always photographed the women I've dated and/or had relationships with and so maybe I'll post one every now and then along with the accompanying dating story. Perhaps people can learn from my numerous and huge mistakes. ;D


e: https://youtu.be/G5fhWO3yw8E  :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on March 22, 2017, 07:58:20 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 22, 2017, 04:19:45 PM
I've broke a little ice with another girl but I'll lay off updates (and from the girl last night) for a few days, sorry Nik.

It's too soon to say anything except there are two specific girls I really like and I'm going to take it slowly and see which one budges  :D
Very nice. That's two more girls than how many I've liked in the past several years.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on March 22, 2017, 09:08:12 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 22, 2017, 08:05:07 PM
??? Serious?  :o

I'm so tired right now I am struggling to type, but I don't think polygamy will work for me or not  :P
It'll work if many things go right  ;)

Maybe a slight exaggeration, since I do have a friend I used to consider dating (about 2 years ago). Other than her, it's been about 5 years since I liked anyone.

I guess because I enjoy more spending my time alone and don't want to commit time to any scheduled/recurring social groups/activities. Pretty sure I've never made any friends outside of school/work/internet, let alone met any girls.

Back in November, there was a group that I hung out with on Saturday (they hang out every Saturday). They're fine, but I just couldn't commit 4-5 hours every Saturday to doing only social activities. Routine and social gatherings just don't do much for me. It would feel like a sacrifice in order to make friends/social connections that could lead to meeting girls, and I already sacrifice 40-50 hours of my week for money, so no thanks.  ::)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on March 23, 2017, 03:59:57 AM
Someone amazing whom I admire a lot has decided to buy herself tickets for a flight to Melbourne this year. I might post here how everything goes because she has told me she is keen to go out. ^_^
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 24, 2017, 07:19:56 AM
Quote from: NikF on March 22, 2017, 08:11:36 AM
She was something else. Womanly as hell. And I mean that in the most positive and broad sense.  8)

NSFW but tame nonetheless http://i.imgur.com/KlMGfc8l.png  NSFW
Taken with the same old cellphone.

Beautiful! the image and the woman.

Quote from: NikF on March 22, 2017, 08:11:36 AM
I've always photographed the women I've dated and/or had relationships with and so maybe I'll post one every now and then along with the accompanying dating story.

Yes, please.

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 24, 2017, 08:37:35 AM
A date that literally changed my life completely. (A version of this story was posted five years ago in my Leap Day thread but this seems like a logical place for it.)

Folks often criticize novels and films for having seemingly unbelievable coincidences that set the plot in motion or wrap things up neatly. What I find fascinating, though, is how often life really can be novelistic.

It is wrong, then, to chide the novel for being fascinated by mysterious coincidences but it is right to chide man for being blind to such coincidences in his daily life. For he thereby deprives his life of a dimension of beauty. --Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being


In 1968 I was 19 and a student at Ohio University in Athens Ohio, a town surrounded by Appalachian wilderness. I had recently broken up with the woman I thought I'd marry. We'd been together two years. The last time I saw her she went suddenly silent in the middle of a conversation and literally walked out of my life forever with no explanation other than a short letter a few weeks later, saying she couldn't make me happy. On Leap Day my best friend drove down to Athens for a visit, and to commiserate.

That evening we were in my dorm room, preparing to go out to a bar, when the phone rang. It was a woman I didn't know; a woman who didn't know me. She and her roommate were bored and wanting male company. Tradition says the female can make the first move in a Leap Year. So she'd randomly dialed a men's dorm room and got me. At first the four of us took turns talking but after a few minutes Marlene and I were in our own world, hogging the conversation, laughing, discussing film, classical music, Shakespeare and my Sophia Loren poster. She was incredibly attractive to me intellectually, and she had a humorous personality. I begged her to meet me at the bar but she refused. She also wouldn't give me her last name, her dorm, or her major. After an hour the conversation ended with her wishing us a good evening. Several days later I got a Peanuts card from her:

(http://photos.imageevent.com/sgtrock/jan11/peanutspostcard.jpg) (http://photos.imageevent.com/sgtrock/jan11/peanutsback.jpg)

Other than that I never heard from her again. A complete mystery woman.

The depression continued for several months, not helped by the death of my German-born grandfather. I stopped going to classes. I dated four women that spring and early summer but each relationship came to a dead end for different reasons. Eventually I pulled myself together. I decided to go to the second summer term to make up for the failed courses. The first three weeks were hell. None of my friends were in town. I was alone and had no luck meeting anyone new.

Three times a week I would climb the hill to the music building for a theory class. Almost from the first day, I noticed an attractive woman who came out of the music building as I was going in or was walking down the hill as I was going up. She was slender, very short, dark hair, with a face resembling Joan Baez. She carried a French horn case....my favorite instrument! But she never noticed me; our eyes never met. She seemed lost to the world, and infinitely sad. I was utterly intrigued (What do I care that you are wise? Be beautiful! And be sad!--Baudelaire) but afraid to say anything to her.

Three weeks into the term my best friend once again came to visit. I was outside my dorm, in the early evening, waiting for him to arrive, when I noticed the horn player about 50 yards away. She was talking to a guy, arguing with him, obviously, but too far away to hear what was being said. After a few moments, she left him, walked towards me, and then past me just a few feet away. She was crying. I followed her.

Now, that was so completely unlike me I marvel to this day that I actually did it.

I caught up with her, asked her if I could be any help. She was so startled she didn't scream or slap me  ;D  Instead, she confessed her boyfriend had just broken up with her. We continued to walk while I talked. I don't remember what I said but I had her smiling within a few minutes. Then I asked her about her music; she was quite surprised I knew she played horn. (Today she'd probably call campus security to come arrest the stalker  :D ) She said the school orchestra was rehearsing the Dvorak 8th...which I'd heard the Cleveland Orchestra perform at the university the previous quarter. Within fifteen minutes she'd reluctantly agreed to a date the following monday (a walk to the duck pond on the far side of the campus--I was penniless). By that time we were back at the dorms. My friend pulled up at that very instant. I introduce him to Marlene...my new girlfriend.

No, at that point I didn't know who she was. I didn't make the connection to the phone call. But a week later she left a note in my mailbox; I recognized the tulips and musical notes she always added to her missives. 10, 000 coeds on campus and the woman who had randomly dialed my number turned out to be the horn player I secretly had a crush on. See, Hollywood, and novels, aren't so unrealistic after all ;D  I don't remember much about that first date at the pond but it went well and we spent an exclusive, idyllic, and often pastoral (in the surrounding fields and woods) three weeks together until the end of the summer quarter. She seemed to be my ideal woman in almost every way. She once played Siegfried's horn call from the roof of the music building as I was coming up the hill to class. She knew how to please a Wagnerite  8)

So five months after our telephonic meeting, I met and dated her in person through sheer coincidence...or, as I like to call it, merciless fate. Because, you see, (this is another novelistic coincidence), she had the same birthday as the woman who'd broken my heart: 25 February. Marlene was another destructive Pisces. Two months after meeting her, I was once again dumped, and I was devastated. I literally gave up. I quit going to class, knowing this time it was terminal. No possibility for probation now if I failed another quarter. One demon Pisces I could handle. Two, though...well, that was just God kicking me in the ass, showing me the way to my true profession  ;D  While home during the Christmas holidays, the university sent me a letter, saying I need not bother returning to campus. I enlisted in the army six weeks later...and that led to a career I hadn't expected, and led me eventually to Germany and the girl who would become Mrs. Rock.

Epilogue: Marlene became a professional hornist. She was, is, a member of several east coast orchestras and chamber groups. And she teaches at the university level. I met her once more, by accident, five years later at Severance Hall in Cleveland at a Bruckner concert (Barenboim conducting the Ninth). That's an interesting story too....well, interesting to me.


Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on March 24, 2017, 12:24:54 PM
That story was certainly interesting and a pleasure to read! Thank you so much for posting that intriguing tale. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 24, 2017, 12:48:15 PM
Quote from: jessop on March 24, 2017, 12:24:54 PM
That story was certainly interesting and a pleasure to read! Thank you so much for posting that intriguing tale. :)

Thank you for taking the time to read that rather lengthy tale.

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 24, 2017, 02:07:42 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 24, 2017, 08:37:35 AM
A date that literally changed my life completely. (A version of this story was posted five years ago in my Leap Day thread but this seems like a logical place for it.)

...


Sarge

Thanks for posting that, Sarge. It's cool and interesting and insightful.  :) Yeah, sometimes stuff just happens, but it's amazing how often it's started by having a big mouth that'll welcome any opportunity to say "Hello".  8) ;D
Like I keep saying to people, get out there and live your life, make the most of yourself for yourself and do stuff - and stop to smell the flowers once in a while and you might just end up meeting one.  :)


"She was slender, very short, dark hair, with a face resembling Joan Baez. She carried a French horn case..."


That's a beautiful picture right there.


Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 24, 2017, 02:30:02 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 24, 2017, 02:07:42 PM

"She was slender, very short, dark hair, with a face resembling Joan Baez. She carried a French horn case..."


That's a beautiful picture right there.

And unfortunately the only "picture" I have of her at that age. I really regret not owning, not being able to afford a camera and film processing when I was a teen. Fortunately, my best friend did have a camera in high school and college and took a few pictures of the first Pisces girl. At least I have one of them on film...as a reminder to avoid romantic entanglements with that astrological sign  ;D

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 24, 2017, 02:35:57 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 24, 2017, 02:07:42 PM
Thanks for posting that, Sarge. It's cool and interesting and insightful.  :) Yeah, sometimes stuff just happens, but it's amazing how often it's started by having a big mouth that'll welcome any opportunity to say "Hello".  8) ;D

Exactly. That seems to be the "secret"  ...a simple willingness to engage with the opposite sex and read their reaction. Sometimes it actually works.

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 25, 2017, 11:10:40 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 24, 2017, 02:30:02 PM
And unfortunately the only "picture" I have of her at that age. I really regret not owning, not being able to afford a camera and film processing when I was a teen. Fortunately, my best friend did have a camera in high school and college and took a few pictures of the first Pisces girl. At least I have one of them on film...as a reminder to avoid romantic entanglements with that astrological sign  ;D

Sarge

Years ago after a date (if you didn't bed her immediately afterwards) you would go home and lay back and try to remember just how piquant her *nose is. Nowadays you can look at the selfie you shot during the date or one of the hundreds of pictures she might have on Facebook or Instagram or whatever.



* I'm quite sure I've never tried to remember how piquant some chick's nose is - I'm just trying to use a polite option here. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 25, 2017, 11:11:59 PM
"I don't understand why you don't like Brahms! His music can be very manly and so I'm sure it would appeal to you!"

(You can skip this techie part)
Frau Doktor. A photo of a framed/matted print which I've cropped a little too close here. Taken in the kitchen of my old house, a favoured location because the ceiling was high and painted black and so I could more easily control the light. And speaking of light, I used two red heads (hot lights) because she hadn't seen them in action before, but frankly, also because I know how to employ them correctly.
A long lens - always go as long as you can - try it before you dismiss it. F--k what might be considered fashionable or not at any given time. Get the biggest lens you can and get in there.
I'll add that the framed original of this is huge - I never shoot stuff to just view it on a monitor.






I was visiting a part of the city which has a fair number of galleries dotted here and there. Nowadays I don't know many of the proprietors at all, but I guess there's still enough of an air about me so that we can chat without them dipping into their vast range of BS spiels.

This area also hosts a number of charming eateries and cafe/bars which I like to indulge myself in if I'm visiting around lunch time. On that afternoon I was passing one of the bars which courtesy of a frontage consisting of folding doors was wide open to all and sundry. I looked and spied a petite and curly haired woman who was standing and holding a wine glass and almost imperceptibly leaning back while a blowhard was talking with her. Or more exactly, he appeared to be talking at her. I went in and ordered a drink then stood within what I believed was her eye line. She has an accent, but I can barely hear it because he won't shut up. Patience, Patience, Patience... See? He has left her for a moment and it's my chance. I noticed the printed program in her hand and gestured to it as I approached.

Me: Hi. I saw you in that gallery earlier, didn't I?
Her: No.
Me: I'm sure I did.
Her. No, a few of us were part of a private viewing. You weren't there.
Me: Okay, let's forget about that. I'm Nik.

We only chatted for a couple of minutes before the dude returned. She told me she had to go - obviously not wanting to be further bored by him - and made to leave. So "*Give me your number, because I want to spend some time with you. Same time and place next week?" No, not possible, but she was available the following Saturday afternoon. And that was the groundwork laid for a two year relationship. 

Like all the women who have played a huge, positive and formative part in my adult life, she was the antithesis of me. She's well read, highly educated and over here finishing up her doctorate. She's from Berlin. Her father (of Turkish origin) is an architect and her mother a music teacher (although she once played violin in one of the German radio orchestras - I don't remember which) and she has huge eyes and full lips, the aforementioned mass of long curly hair, and a beautiful body - not voluptuous as such, more like provocative - and you know how sometimes you see a woman with the kind of figure that's apparently at odds with her quiet, kind of restrained demeanour? Yeah, one of those. And while she didn't attempt to hide it completely her wardrobe was big oversized shirts and dresses which she would belt at the waist with a coloured cord, which tended to accentuate what looked like a killer combo of hyperlordosis and an anterior pelvic tilt, thus almost defeating the purpose anyway.

She introduced me to the music of (amongst others) Brahms, Mahler and Schumann. And she cast further light on composers I'd heard a little of (Stravinsky) and always did so with enjoyment, as opposed to elitist smugness. I can clearly recall us sitting on the floor of her place after dinner, a glass of wine in hand, settling down for my first viewing of Haneke's 'La Pianiste' and feeling moved throughout, firstly almost high as a kite, then chilled at the opening of 'Im Dorfe'. She gave me all that. She was great.

It was her idea for me to have an archive online of my work. And she assured me that if I used a different name (for the domain/sites) I wouldn't have to deal with BS or messages from people and that kind of crap. So we started towards that. It was all cool and good.

During one of her visits back home she sent me a message saying she had visited with two gallery owners and showed them a couple of my prints she'd taken with her. Huh? When she returned I pointed out that while what she had done was hardly an unforgivable crime, it was the last thing I wanted anyone to do in that part of my (working) life.
Although it's impossible to say for sure, I think that if she hadn't done that there was a least a good chance I'd have returned with her to Berlin and set up home together after she finished in the UK. But who knows with this stuff?

To this day we keep in touch, she occasionally sends me small notes or even CDs she thinks I should listen to. And she knows me well, knows my weakness(es) and what moves me, what fires me - she was the first person to hint that one day something might happen between Toots McG and I - and we still generally remain fond of each other.


* Not "Can I have your number, please?" or "We've only met and so I probably shouldn't ask, but could I see you again?" and definitely not "Here's my number/email call me when you're available?". No, no, no. "Give me..." - see the difference? You can usually tell before you even ask if she'll give you her number/is interested or not. Just do it calmly and with confidence and a smile. And don't be a whining babby if she refuses. 
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 26, 2017, 07:19:52 AM
Nice story, Nik. Keep them coming. It's always a bonus to find a woman who likes classical music. Hopefully, one day, this will happen for me.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 26, 2017, 10:40:41 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on March 26, 2017, 07:19:52 AM
Nice story, Nik. Keep them coming. It's always a bonus to find a woman who likes classical music. Hopefully, one day, this will happen for me.

Thanks.
I still think it's better to have shared values rather than specific shared interests, but I understand how finding someone who enjoys and values the music as much as you do would be so appealing. I mean, don't get me wrong - remember that upcoming chamber recital I was telling you about (the Shostakovich Piano Trio No. 2 and the RVW C minor piano quintet)? I wouldn't mind walking into the auditorium and finding a late twenties Emmanuelle Beart in the unallocated seating.   8) ;D

But just keep plugging away, talking to people, make eye contact, enjoy going to events or simply about your day as a matter of course, appear faintly indifferent to it all (especially when you meet a woman) and it'll eventually happen.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 26, 2017, 01:59:52 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 26, 2017, 01:54:35 PM
I don't know, I'd kind of like a robotic extraterrestrial, cybergoth angelic witch personally  ;D

You're saying that now, but wait until you wake the next morning and find them gone along with all your toilet paper - and I mean the expensive multi-ply quilted stuff.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 26, 2017, 02:49:27 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 26, 2017, 10:40:41 AM
Thanks.
I still think it's better to have shared values rather than specific shared interests, but I understand how finding someone who enjoys and values the music as much as you do would be so appealing. I mean, don't get me wrong - remember that upcoming chamber recital I was telling you about (the Shostakovich Piano Trio No. 2 and the RVW C minor piano quintet)? I wouldn't mind walking into the auditorium and finding a late twenties Emmanuelle Beart in the unallocated seating.   8) ;D

But just keep plugging away, talking to people, make eye contact, enjoy going to events or simply about your day as a matter of course, appear faintly indifferent to it all (especially when you meet a woman) and it'll eventually happen.

Yeah, liking the same music as I do isn't a prerequisite for dating me that's for sure. I'm just taking things day-by-day and not really worrying about finding anyone right now. I'm basking in the sounds of Leo Kottke right now. Certainly one of my favorite musicians...ever.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 26, 2017, 03:04:45 PM
That's cool.  8) :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 26, 2017, 07:58:25 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 26, 2017, 07:50:32 PM
This girl I can't stop thinking about is driving me bloody mad  >:( >:(

Remain calm...please. As Nik always tells me, stay cool. Have you spoken to her much?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 26, 2017, 08:23:10 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 26, 2017, 07:50:32 PM
This girl I can't stop thinking about is driving me bloody mad  >:( >:(

No, she isn't driving you mad. You are driving yourself mad. ;D She's just making you feel alive.  8)

Ol' Mirror Image has called it right - calm down and take it easy  8) And tell us all about it?  :)

Quote from: Mirror Image on March 26, 2017, 07:58:25 PM
Remain calm...please. As Nik always tells me, stay cool. Have you spoken to her much?

Yeah, you're damn right. Damn right.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 26, 2017, 08:30:20 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 26, 2017, 08:21:03 PM
Not yet, I haven't gained the opportunity to jump in and make an impression yet. This is the one who is in two of my classes/lectures and the choir, she is so beautiful!! I don't know how to describe the feeling, it's very strange.
At the moment, all this general social anxiety is creeping up on me with people. Life is so busy and at stake now, it's like I'm beginning to feel closed in as a defense mechanism. Then this girl, is like an angel; it's hard to get my focus back on the bigger picture.

I'm trying to find a balance and make friends, it's no easy task  :'( :'(



Also as a side note (not really related to dating), I did spot a girl who used to go to the college I went to years ago at my lecture today. I never knew her, vice versa but I recognized her. It would probably freak her out if I went up to her and said that I recognized her. We where both at this classical/jazz competition with different groups back then (I think she plays Clarinet? or maybe violin? Idk
I don't have any feelings for her obviously but she is quite a physically attractive gal!  ;)



Where the fuck is this going?  :laugh:
Girls are both heaven and hell, I'm so busy, so tired, so stressed, losing track of inspiration, fatigued by everything and somehow feeling an ironic pleasure about all of it. Life has always seemed surreal and absurd to me but now it's showing itself in a very practical way. I got to wake up so early, catch a bus, get a coffee, hang around, go to two lectures and the library, walk around town like a headless chicken, buy lunch, deal with public awkwardness (everyone is), go home, listen to music, study, write lots of shit, freak out about everything, keep thinking about girls and even random strangers, think all this existential pseudo-spiritual mumbojumbo, get dinner, read, music, blah blah, blah blah  :-[ :-[

I'm so bloody tired  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

We've all been there. Really, you're not the first. But I know that info is of no use to you at all.  ;D

For now, if there's one thing you can do that will make a positive difference to your situation, it's this; make sure you are eating as well as possible, that you're keeping yourself hydrated and sleeping enough. Also - and I know I'm repeating myself - go outside once in a while and smell the flowers.  :) 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 26, 2017, 08:33:53 PM
8) To Nik

To Alien...well you definitely need to try not to stress yourself out. The worst thing you could do is actually approach her with all of this anxiety and nervousness you seem to be projecting at the moment. Once you've collected yourself a bit better and you breathe in and out, you should definitely go and talk with her. Ask her out for some coffee first, then perhaps, if she's digging you, you could meet or pick her up for dinner. Start slow and remember to breathe.

On a side note, I asked out several women over the past week and was shot down by each of them, which is perfectly fine of course. The key to these things is to keep moving and don't look behind.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 26, 2017, 08:43:52 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on March 26, 2017, 08:33:53 PM
8) To Nik

To Alien...well you definitely need to try not to stress yourself out. The worst thing you could do is actually approach her with all of this anxiety and nervousness you seem to be projecting at the moment. Once you've collected yourself a bit better and you breathe in and out, you should definitely go and talk with her. Ask her out for some coffee first, then perhaps, if she's digging you, you could meet or pick her up for dinner. Start slow and remember to breathe.

On a side note, I asked out several women over the past week and was shot down by each of them, which is perfectly fine of course. The key to these things is to keep moving and don't look behind.

Last week I was going to the shops and an incredibly pretty woman (early/mid 30s, brunette, slim) came walking in my direction. I did my usual polite "Good morning" (although come to think of it, I might have just nodded and smiled in acknowledgement) and she looked at me and her face instantly changed completely. Really, it contorted into a look that could curdle milk.  ??? :laugh: I kept on walking and started telling myself "...it's okay, she's probably just having a bad day..."  :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 26, 2017, 09:14:03 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 26, 2017, 08:43:52 PM
Last week I was going to the shops and an incredibly pretty woman (early/mid 30s, brunette, slim) came walking in my direction. I did my usual polite "Good morning" (although come to think of it, I might have just nodded and smiled in acknowledgement) and she looked at me and her face instantly changed completely. Really, it contorted into a look that could curdle milk.  ??? :laugh: I kept on walking and started telling myself "...it's okay, she's probably just having a bad day..."  :laugh:

HA! ;D ...and life goes on...
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 26, 2017, 09:30:27 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 26, 2017, 09:15:57 PM
Lol, I need therapy  :laugh:



Nah, you're fine.  :)  Like Mirror Image says, stay cool.  8) And when you ask her out if she says "Yes" also ask if she has an older sister for him and an even older one divorced mother for me?  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on March 27, 2017, 01:26:38 PM
Quote from: jessop on March 23, 2017, 03:59:57 AM
Someone amazing whom I admire a lot has decided to buy herself tickets for a flight to Melbourne this year. I might post here how everything goes because she has told me she is keen to go out. ^_^
She is planning on staying 10 minutes away from me (booking with Airbnb but she aslo would like us to stay together if things go well. ^_^ I learn a lot from her........it's lovely to feel some kind of connection with someone in this way.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 27, 2017, 02:26:54 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 26, 2017, 09:30:27 PM
Nah, you're fine.  :)  Like Mirror Image says, stay cool.  8) And when you ask her out if she says "Yes" also ask if she has an older sister for him and an even older one divorced mother for me?  ;D

Ha! But what makes you think I want the older sister? I could be looking at the older, divorced mother. ;) She may prove to be the better match for me. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 27, 2017, 02:36:00 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 27, 2017, 02:30:40 PM

Congrats J, hope it goes well for you two!  ;D

+1
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on March 27, 2017, 02:49:44 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 27, 2017, 02:30:40 PM

Congrats J, hope it goes well for you two!  ;D

I hope it does. We've already planned a number of performances to go see. I'm able to take her to see some Melbourne Symphony Orchestra concerts for free because I'm in the associated Chorus. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 27, 2017, 02:54:39 PM
Yeah, jessop is still on track for success. Good stuff. But can he hold out and continue to keep it cool? Or will he lose it and at the last moment decide no one and nothing will come between him and his guitar? (apart from its case, of course.)  ;D

Meanwhile, Tfa will return renewed and confident of success with some 'angel' chick, but right now is momentarily leaving the field of play due to injury of the soul caused by Cafe chick -

(http://i.imgur.com/EcvxSlel.jpg)


As for Mirror Image -

(http://i.imgur.com/yKMhSOM.jpg)

I am prepared to engage in fisticuffs with him over the older, divorced mother.





Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on March 27, 2017, 03:01:13 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 27, 2017, 11:58:11 AM
Well that's one girl out, the cute Cafe chick has a boyfriend...oh well  :laugh:


Now my angel I was talking about yesterday is my main focus for this/next month at least  8)
Where did you post about her? I'm curious to know what she is like and what it is about her that you like.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 27, 2017, 03:20:22 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 27, 2017, 02:54:39 PMAs for Mirror Image -

(http://i.imgur.com/yKMhSOM.jpg)

I am prepared to engage in fisticuffs with him over the older, divorced mother.

I'll let you have her, Nik. I'm a lover not a fighter. Never fight with a Scotsman. Never. I might if I was drunk though, because only then I don't have sense enough to know I'll lose. ;) ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 27, 2017, 03:33:31 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on March 27, 2017, 03:20:22 PM
I'll let you have her, Nik. I'm a lover not a fighter. Never fight with a Scotsman. Never. I might if I was drunk though, because only then I don't have sense enough to know I'll lose. ;) ;D

I'm only half Scottish - that should help.  ;D
Alternatively, we'll double date and if things aren't going swimmingly we can swap.  8)  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 27, 2017, 04:19:56 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 27, 2017, 03:33:31 PM
I'm only half Scottish - that should help.  ;D
Alternatively, we'll double date and if things aren't going swimmingly we can swap.  8)  ;D

Sounds like a plan. ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 27, 2017, 05:19:46 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 27, 2017, 04:59:42 PM
How do you read woman? It's impossible to tell


"Omg, did she just flash me??  :o, nah it was probably aimed at the guy behind me"  :laugh:

All of this talk is nice, but we really want to hear if you've asked this woman out yet? That's the million dollar question.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 27, 2017, 06:33:05 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 27, 2017, 04:59:42 PM
How do you read woman? It's impossible to tell


No, it's not impossible.
You say to them *"Give me your number, I'd like to get to know you/take you out to x place at y time on z date". Their reply tells you the answer.

The problem with that is that -
1) It works.
2) Because it works it puts an immediate end to days (or weeks or even months...) of whining, pining, terrible terrible poetry writing and other forms of generic self-inflicted loon behaviour - and some guys seem to enjoy and live for that period.




* always say it in italics to increase your chances of success. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 27, 2017, 06:50:25 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 27, 2017, 06:41:41 PM

I don't know if your joking or not but that gave me a lightbulb moment!  :o

You don't know if I'm joking?!  ;D

She already knows you're interested and so the longer you take to ask her the more time she has to consider that you're a fraidy cat and therefore not worthy of her favours. ( ;)) So, the sooner you ask and get your hopes dashed the sooner you can return that yellow waistcoat and get on to the next girl, when you'll know better and ask her out right away.

I am not joking.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 27, 2017, 07:02:57 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 27, 2017, 06:59:13 PM
Choir is tomorrow night, so I'm gonna do it...or at least smash the ice and stamp on it  ;D


I'll have a conversation that turns hysterical, then when she is still amused or entertained by my humor, I'll throw it at her. "Hey (name), ** can I get you drinks? at $$/$$/2017?" Then if she says no, well I'll choose to not give a shit  ;)


** Well I'm not an alcoholic, so it'd be coffee but still

Looking forward to hearing how it turns out, Alien. Good luck! Keep us posted.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 27, 2017, 07:03:33 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 27, 2017, 06:59:13 PM
Choir is tomorrow night, so I'm gonna do it...or at least smash the ice and stamp on it  ;D

Good.


Quote

I'll have a conversation that turns hysterical, then when she is still amused or entertained by my humor, I'll throw it at her. "Hey (name), ** can I get you drinks? at $$/$$/2017?" Then if she says no, well I'll choose to not give a shit  ;)


Also good.
But you forgot the italics.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 27, 2017, 07:07:57 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 27, 2017, 07:02:22 PM
Today, I'm kinda seeing it all from an absurd angel..if you hadn't noticed  :laugh:

From where I'm sitting you appear to have hopped off the screen from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari and straight on to the boat ride in the original Willy Wonka. But at least you've still a degree of self-awareness.  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 27, 2017, 07:15:50 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 27, 2017, 07:09:32 PM
That is my entire life summed up in one sentence  :laugh:  ???  >:D  :laugh: :laugh:

See? Told you I wasn't joking.  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 27, 2017, 07:18:33 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 27, 2017, 07:08:31 PM
Also, I don't know what you make of it but my absurdist humor makes me believe that in general, if you make a fool or embarrass yourself the best thing to do is top it and embarrass yourself more because we're all deep down awkward humans that make a lot of mistakes, there's no use covering it up  :laugh:

Sure, we all make mistakes, but if you screw this up because of some 'out on left-field' joke, then I'm going to laugh at you (not with you). :) The key to absurd humor is making it accessible so people can understand it. Be more level-headed, grounded, and go in for the kill. Knock her dead, kid. I know you can do this. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 27, 2017, 07:31:08 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on March 27, 2017, 07:18:33 PM
Sure, we all make mistakes, but if you screw this up because of some 'out on left-field' joke, then I'm going to laugh at you (not with you). :) The key to absurd humor is making it accessible so people can understand it. Be more level-headed, grounded, and go in for the kill. Knock her dead, kid. I know you can do this. :)

Exactly.
And remember to keep breathing. Seriously, Tfa, be cool throughout, no matter the outcome.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on March 28, 2017, 06:44:58 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 26, 2017, 07:50:32 PM
This girl I can't stop thinking about is driving me bloody mad  >:( >:(
I hate when that happens. It's really awful not being able to take your mind off someone. You can tell your mind to not get your hopes up, but it will never listen. Single and interested? Pssssh. Like that's actually reality. That's called "imagination."

Oh, yeah. I should probably correct myself about a post I made earlier. 2 girls I liked in the past 5 years, not one (one was recent).
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 28, 2017, 07:36:32 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 28, 2017, 11:44:34 AM
I feel like I'm high on mushrooms today  :laugh:

For crying out loud, just ask the woman out already!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on March 28, 2017, 07:54:33 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 28, 2017, 07:53:18 PM
Choir's in two hours, we'll find out
Curiously, what voice type is she?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 28, 2017, 07:56:50 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 28, 2017, 07:53:18 PM
Choir's in two hours, we'll find out

Great stuff, Alien. Good luck my friend.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on March 28, 2017, 08:09:53 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 28, 2017, 08:08:01 PM
Soprano
And you are?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 28, 2017, 08:38:28 PM
Alien, if she says 'yes,' I will play Janáček's String Quartet No. 2, "Intimate Letters" in your honor, but if she says 'no,' I will play Schnittke's String Quartet No. 2. This way I can enjoy the outcome whether it's a positive or negative one. ;) ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 28, 2017, 09:13:34 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on March 28, 2017, 08:38:28 PM
Alien, if she says 'yes,' I will play Janáček's String Quartet No. 2, "Intimate Letters" in your honor, but if she says 'no,' I will play Schnittke's String Quartet No. 2. This way I can enjoy the outcome whether it's a positive or negative one. ;) ;D

So generous of you.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 28, 2017, 09:16:19 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 28, 2017, 09:09:48 PM
Lol  :laugh:

Either way, I don't mind  ;)

Quote from: NikF on March 28, 2017, 09:13:34 PM
So generous of you.  :laugh:

:P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on March 28, 2017, 10:51:03 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 28, 2017, 09:12:41 PM
For the choir I'm doing bass but I could easily sing the tenor part.
I'm naturally a high baritone anyway, though not a classical vocal style  ::)

Ah....sometimes it's nice to be a tenor if you want to stand next to some altos!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 29, 2017, 01:00:50 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 29, 2017, 12:06:07 AM
I am really surprised how easy I took it, well I guess I haven't been dreaming of her for more than two weeks so it's an easy thing to spring from?

Or will I wake up nihilistic as fuck tomorrow morning?  ???

Good stuff. :)
I've been rejected hundreds of times. ;D But it hasn't stopped me getting with some incredible women. 8) So continue keeping it in perspective. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 29, 2017, 02:49:26 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 29, 2017, 01:36:39 AM
I've been thinking of a situation:

"Hey {female}, can I be awkward for a minute and make a fool of myself?"

*Girl gives confused reaction

"I find you quite attractive and by asking the following will sooth my chronic headache. I don't know you and you don't know me so can I ask you to get a coffee with me on...."

"yes/no/WTF you creep/you're an ugly moron/I think ur hot too etc"

"Cool, now I'm going to give to charity"

I believe there are better situations to think about than all that. But you seem to have a lot of time on your hands. ;D

Anyway, everything you wrote in that post made me smile because it reminds me of my best friend (aka my studio assistant/arch nemesis etc.) when I first met him. :) The dude was 20 and an actor and model and on a regular basis would launch into rants about girls and dating and the difficulties involved. The outbursts were invariably colourful, clever, detailed, witty, and often of great length. But he would always finish by getting all serious and saying that he couldn't get a date or couldn't get get a girl to take him seriously. :laugh:


Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 29, 2017, 05:17:05 AM
I dedicate this and the following post to everyone in the thread who is trying to get a date. And I do so with sincerity and my best wishes. :)


So, I mentioned my friend Iain. He and I eventually had a chat about stuff and to this day I remember his exact words at the conclusion: "So, you're telling me to man-up". Yes, I am, you immature little sh-t.  ;D
And I'm glad he finally did, because he had two choices -
#1 Act like a man. Or more exactly, an adult. Then reap the benefits.
#2 Act like a child and find an echo chamber online who will agree that girls are all 'shallow bitches' and won't give him a chance because - and I'm not joking when I say this was one of his excuses - "...my wrists are too thin!"

I've already spoken of how when I was 16 my boss used to hand me a camera and send me out after lunch or when the workflow was quiet and tell me to take photos of strangers. He didn't mean like street photography. I was to walk up to people and ask to take their photo. Amongst other things it made me man-up.
At first I was -
"er...excuse me but I'm learning and uh my boss says I'm to learn to talk to people and get them to relax and take their photo and so um if you're not too busy can I take your photo please?  :( "
By the time I was 17 I was -
"Hi. I'm Nik and you look great and I'd like to take your photo right now.  :) How do you feel about that?  8)"
I learned there was no difference between someone saying "Yes, that's cool!" or saying "No, f-ck off!" So, someone doesn't like me. Okay - who gives a sh-t?  ;D
When I figured that out I went from strength to strength. And it helped with talking to girls.

Okay, see this building?

(http://i.imgur.com/CVZMxgul.png)

- it's incredibly similar to the studio where I not only worked, but also lived in. And those stairs? When I was 17 or 18 years old I used to sit there on summer nights at about 18:00 (or at the end of my working day) and would look for girls and women.  ;D At that time of the evening they would have finished work too and be making their way home. And I would sit there and one would pass and I'd -

"Hey girl, can I talk to you?"
*no interest. fair enough. here's another one coming*
"Excuse me, would you come and sit with me, please?"
*huh. she didn't even acknowledge me. oh well. ah, this one looks hot*
"Can I walk you to your bus stop? I promise I won't say a thing the whole time!"

I used to keep that up, constantly, like a guy selling newspapers on the corner. Night after night. I remember one time I was sitting there and had my usual paper cup of milk in hand and a great looking girl came right over and...dropped a few coins in my cup and then turned around and smugly walked away.  :laugh:
But mostly they would ignore me.  Once in a while I'd receive a dirty look, but usually they just acted like I didn't exist or I was a bad smell or something. Mostly. Usually. But not every single time, because occasionally I would feel a tug on the line and if I did't get excited and blow it I'd land one. I don't know how often, because I never thought to count. One in 100? One in 200? Regardless, it's a numbers game.  And if all you do is be too scared or wait for special treatment or simply sit whining with other whiners then you're not even in the game. Or maybe you're still in the game but it's one in 1000000 she'll unexpectedly come to your door.


Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 29, 2017, 05:19:03 AM
I am not a handsome man.

Another couple of things I've mentioned before is that I'm not tall and that by the age of 18 I'd already twice been stabbed in the face. Google "Tommy Flanagan actor scars" - that's what some dude tried to do to me. It's quite a common attack tactic where I'm from. Anyway, he partly managed to slice one side and to this day if I let the left side of my face relax it droops down a little. Add into that the results of boxing and I'm not a pretty picture. But that's not an excuse for whining and complaining. I just get on with it.
My friend Iain walks into a room and women look at him - all types and ages of women. But it's not just that they look, it's also how they react (mostly) unconsciously - they arch their back, groom/play with their hair, speak a little louder to get him to notice them in return. He doesn't need to try. The fact he exists is enough for them. Good for him.

Here's another couple of things about Iain. No matter where he lives there are never 'no single women around here' and it's never a case that 'all the good women are already taken and have boyfriends'. He can always find a girl. I can too, but it's much more difficult for me. I've known that difference for a long time. Back in the day when I was 18 or 19 I could never get as many girls as the tall, dark and handsome male models I photographed could always get. It's a fact that dating is easier for some and more difficult for others. It's the same in all of life. Life is unfair, definitely. But I make the most of it anyway.

Successful dating is about being a man, about recognising it's a numbers game, and also making the most of yourself - although the latter should be a goal in any case. So man-up and stop behaving like a child or a victim of circumstances. You're not special or more deserving, you're not multi-faceted or more complicated than anyone else. You don't get allowances made or handed short cuts to success.
Go out and talk to people, not just those you want to date and/or f--k. When you get more comfortable talking to strangers and better at reading people you'll start to recognise the signs when a girl is interested and if it's worth your while to ask her out.


Finally, if you do everything right, if you're friendly and relaxed and cool, if you're kind and supportive and honest, if you're an unselfish and considerate lover, if you always make sure you do the right thing in every situation, and even if you're tall, dark and handsome, never forget that you're still entitled to f--k all. Because that's the way it is and the way it always has been and always will be. So you might as well go out and smell the flowers.


tl;dr read this post by the Sarge. http://www.good-music-guide.com/community/index.php/topic,26059.msg1050538.html#msg1050538 








       
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 29, 2017, 05:22:45 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 29, 2017, 12:04:36 AM
Well....I asked her, we had a little laugh but as Greg predicted, to good to be true; she's taken  :(

Sorry to hear about this, Alien. Keep your head up. There's plenty to other women out there.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 29, 2017, 06:15:59 AM
In other news:

I still haven't contacted the pharmacist to see if she wants to discuss old times. I just keep forgetting about it.

For the last few weeks I've been dating someone. She's the aspiring aerial silks artiste I've mentioned elsewhere. She's younger than me, she has blue hair (and likes me referring to her as 'Blulabelle' ;D ) and seems to exist on a diet almost exclusively consisting of chicken McNuggets.  :o ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 29, 2017, 06:55:33 AM
Quote from: NikF on March 29, 2017, 06:15:59 AM
In other news:

I still haven't contacted the pharmacist to see if she wants to discuss old times. I just keep forgetting about it.

For the last few weeks I've been dating someone. She's the aspiring aerial silks artiste I've mentioned elsewhere. She's younger than me, she has blue hair (and likes me referring to her as 'Blulabelle' ;D ) and seems to exist on a diet almost exclusively consisting of chicken McNuggets.  :o ;D

I'm not sure how serious you are about 'Blulabelle,' but I'm hoping you enjoy your time with her nevertheless.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 29, 2017, 07:11:58 AM
Quote from: NikF on March 25, 2017, 11:11:59 PM
(http://i.imgur.com/QVVD27sl.png)

She introduced me to the music of (amongst others) Brahms, Mahler and Schumann[...]To this day we keep in touch, she occasionally sends me small notes or even CDs she thinks I should listen to.

Ah, the woman you often allude to in the Listening thread? Nice to hear the story of how you met. And great to see a photo of her. Beautiful.

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: SurprisedByBeauty on March 29, 2017, 07:57:19 AM
Quote from: Scarpia on August 12, 2016, 11:40:57 AM
Better to date a girl who has a raspberry bush.

My mouth is watering at the very thought of it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 29, 2017, 09:35:06 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 29, 2017, 12:04:36 AM
Well....I asked her, we had a little laugh but as Greg predicted, to good to be true; she's taken  :(

That needn't be the end of it. Sometimes playing the long game works out in your favor. For example:

In the summer of '67, during the break between high school and college, I worked as a carhop at a drive-in restaurant in Barberton Ohio (a small city adjacent to Akron). One evening a car full of women pulled up. The driver was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen: 5'4'', voluptuously round (like Elizabeth Taylor), blue eyes, raven hair worn in a bouffant (Ohio had not yet become long-haired trendy). They didn't order food. Instead, the driver asked me if I had a safety pin. Her bra strap had broken. In fact, I always carried a pin in my wallet, following the advice of the Playboy adviser, who once had recommended a gentleman should be prepared for just that emergency. I'm not making this up ;D  She took the pin, disappeared into the restroom, and returned a short time later, profoundly grateful. She thanked me and they drove off, never to be seen again. The memory of that face and body remained indelible though.

Fast forward one year. I had broken up with my high school love, hooked up briefly with another, older, high school girlfriend (but she was soon off to France for a year) and failed to progress beyond the friend zone with a couple of women at Ohio U. Home for the summer, my best friend suggested a blind date with Barb, a friend of his girlfriend who lived in Akron. He described Barb as tall but my height (5'9'' 175 cm). Meeting her was a shock; she towered over me. (Well, actually she was only about two inches taller but I had a dumb aversion to tall women then; her height bothered me.) So I started out the date rather grumpily, pissed off that my friend had not described her accurately.  Barb was not bothered about my relative lack of stature and she tried all evening to make things work, even pressing me for a second date.

Before going to dinner and a movie, we drove across the city to bring something to another friend of the girls who was babysitting that evening.

In another one of those novelistic coincidences that haunted my youth, the babysitter turned out to be the safety pin girl. Her name was Cindy. She remembered me too. We laughed, telling everyone the tale of how we'd first met. Well, that killed any thought of dating Barb again. I was totally consumed by thoughts of Cindy. On the way home after the date (my friend and I lived in a small town about 20 miles from Akron), I finally had a chance to ask him about Cindy. Unfortunately, she was going steady with a guy who actually lived next door to me when I was a child; a guy I'd gone to high school with. Depressed, I left for Florida a week later to be with, and help my grieving grandmother.

After Florida I went back to Ohio U for the second summer session where I met Marlene the horn player. During the break between summer and fall quarters, I learned Cindy had broken up with her boyfriend, and my friend arranged a first date. The four of us went to Cedar Point amusement park in Sandusky Ohio. Scary rides like the roller coaster facilitate intimacy and we got along great. I didn't see her often after that (besides her studies at U of Akron, she worked crazy hours at a fast food place) but we got along really well when we were together. She wrote insanely long letters after I returned to Ohio U.

Why I stopped seeing her puzzles me to this day. But that's another story and doesn't have anything to do with the point of this one, to wit: play the long game. You might just win  8)

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: SurprisedByBeauty on March 29, 2017, 01:13:53 PM
Seconding all that, the secret to getting 100 dates is trying 2000 times. Nothing less, nothing more. The hit-rate might fluctuate, but not greatly. You don't have to put yourself out there, entirely (as NikF did, in his stair-story), if you don't feel comfortable. Subtlety comes at a price (lower percentage of hits) but it also changes the makeup of the lasses that agree. (Women that agree to more forthright attempts are on average slightly different than those who prefer a subtle-but-not-too subtle drift. Not as different than one might think, but different.)

Somehow the trick is to do it in such a way that you don't think of the 1980 "No's" (however they are communicated; I always did it in such a way that such an explicit answer wasn't necessary for I was a coward... albeit a sometimes desperate coward who pushed harder than I was aware of myself) as rejections.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 29, 2017, 04:11:22 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on March 29, 2017, 06:55:33 AM
I'm not sure how serious you are about 'Blulabelle,' but I'm hoping you enjoy your time with her nevertheless.

It's fun, yeah. But it's a case of having the fun while it lasts. She'll become bored when the novelty wears off, which will probably be sooner rather than later. We've the circus skills course to do together that starts in a couple of weeks and so I think it'll last until then.  In the meantime I'm considering trying to organise some kind of deal with McDonald's and Amazon and asking if can they can coordinate drone deliveries of McNuggets directly into her mouth. ;D

Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 29, 2017, 07:11:58 AM
Ah, the woman you often allude to in the Listening thread? Nice to hear the story of how you met. And great to see a photo of her. Beautiful.

Sarge

Yeah, that's her. The patience she invested in me with the music was huge. What a gift. She's really cool. But as I pointed out, also an art thief. Nah, she's great.   :)





Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 29, 2017, 04:11:50 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 29, 2017, 09:35:06 AM
That needn't be the end of it. Sometimes playing the long game works out in your favor. For example:

In the summer of '67, during the break between high school and college, I worked as a carhop at a drive-in restaurant in Barberton Ohio (a small city adjacent to Akron). One evening a car full of women pulled up. The driver was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen: 5'4'', voluptuously round (like Elizabeth Taylor), blue eyes, raven hair worn in a bouffant (Ohio had not yet become long-haired trendy). They didn't order food. Instead, the driver asked me if I had a safety pin. Her bra strap had broken. In fact, I always carried a pin in my wallet, following the advice of the Playboy adviser, who once had recommended a gentleman should be prepared for just that emergency. I'm not making this up ;D  She took the pin, disappeared into the restroom, and returned a short time later, profoundly grateful. She thanked me and they drove off, never to be seen again. The memory of that face and body remained indelible though.

Fast forward one year. I had broken up with my high school love, hooked up briefly with another, older, high school girlfriend (but she was soon off to France for a year) and failed to progress beyond the friend zone with a couple of women at Ohio U. Home for the summer, my best friend suggested a blind date with Barb, a friend of his girlfriend who lived in Akron. He described Barb as tall but my height (5'9'' 175 cm). Meeting her was a shock; she towered over me. (Well, actually she was only about two inches taller but I had a really dumb aversion to tall women then; her height really bothered me.) So I started out the date rather grumpily, pissed off that my friend had not described her accurately.  Barb was not bothered about my relative lack of stature and she tried all evening to make things work, even pressing me for a second date.

Before going to dinner and a movie, we drove across the city to bring something to another friend of the girls who was babysitting that evening.

In another one of those novelistic coincidences that haunted my youth, the babysitter turned out to be the safety pin girl. Her name was Cindy. She remembered me too. We laughed, telling everyone the tale of how we'd first met. Well, that really killed any thought of dating Barb again. I was totally consumed by thoughts of Cindy. On the way home after the date (my friend and I lived in a small town about 20 miles from Akron), I finally had a chance to ask him about Cindy. Unfortunately, she was going steady with a guy who actually lived next door to me when I was a child; a guy I'd gone to high school with. Depressed, I left for Florida a week later to be with, and help my grieving grandmother.

After Florida I went back to Ohio U for the second summer session where I met Marlene the horn player. During the break between summer and fall quarters, I learned Cindy had broken up with her boyfriend, and my friend arranged a first date. The four of us went to Cedar Point amusement park in Sandusky Ohio. Scary rides like the roller coaster facilitate intimacy and we got along great. I didn't see her often after that (besides her studies at U of Akron, she worked crazy hours at a fast food place) but we got along really well when we were together. She wrote insanely long letters after I returned to Ohio U.

Why I stopped seeing her puzzles me to this day. But that's another story and doesn't have anything to do with the point of this one, to wit: play the long game. You might just win  8)

Sarge

Sarge, that's a really cool story. 8) Thanks for posting it. Yeah, sometimes it's difficult to account or explain for how or why stuff happens, especially with relationships and affairs of the heart.
I hope you're maybe considering documenting all this stuff as a rule. They're interesting as hell and also full of cool little period details (like the differences in regions as far as hairstyles are concerned) but in any case I hope you've a few more such dating stories you can post. :)
And I still think I'm falling in love with the image of Marlene. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 29, 2017, 04:13:12 PM
Quote from: SurprisedByBeauty on March 29, 2017, 01:13:53 PM
Seconding all that, the secret to getting 100 dates is trying 2000 times. Nothing less, nothing more. The hit-rate might fluctuate, but not greatly. You don't have to put yourself out there, entirely (as NikF did, in his stair-story), if you don't feel comfortable. Subtlety comes at a price (lower percentage of hits) but it also changes the makeup of the lasses that agree. (Women that agree to more forthright attempts are on average slightly different than those who prefer a subtle-but-not-too subtle drift. Not as different than one might think, but different.)
Thanks for posting your thoughts and your own experiences. Do feel free to contribute more if you're so inclined.  :)

You know, you might be right about that (the subtle differences) however my experience is that it's the women you least expect to be responsive to such approaches who respond more favourably to more forward propositions. I also find they're often generally more skilled at hiding many of their interests and tastes and stuff. But I can only speak for myself. And here's my anecdotal evidence.  :laugh: -

A long time ago I walked into the cafe bar in an arthouse cinema. An attractive woman came in behind me, passed by and through. I checked her out all the way. Then I heard a voice *ask "Could you have made that any more obvious?" I looked and saw a pretty young woman sitting at a table. My reply to her was "I don't know. But stand up and give me a look at you and I'll try." In the UK a woman of her background and social status is known as a Sloane Ranger and I'd never met one before. It's also true to say she hadn't met anyone like me. And a result of that is within three months of that initial conversation we got married. :)
But you make a good point and it's made me think of something to maybe post later regarding how men behave when they're faced with a woman they're attracted to.

(*That's also a good example of a woman making the first move when she sees a man and is interested in him. It was meant less as a put down of my leering and more to draw my attention to her ;D )


Quote
Somehow the trick is to do it in such a way that you don't think of the 1980 "No's" (however they are communicated; I always did it in such a way that such an explicit answer wasn't necessary for I was a coward... albeit a sometimes desperate coward who pushed harder than I was aware of myself) as rejections.

Yeah, there's no point in worrying about stuff that has already happened in the past. The hell with that crap.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on March 29, 2017, 06:53:27 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 29, 2017, 04:11:22 PM
It's fun, yeah. But it's a case of having the fun while it lasts. She'll become bored when the novelty wears off, which will probably be sooner rather than later. We've the circus skills course to do together that starts in a couple of weeks and so I think it'll last until then.  In the meantime I'm considering trying to organise some kind of deal with McDonald's and Amazon and asking if can they can coordinate drone deliveries of McNuggets directly into her mouth. ;D

Haha! ;D Yeah, it'll run it's course in due time, but it never had the potential to become serious in the first place I'm sure.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 29, 2017, 09:18:19 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on March 29, 2017, 06:53:27 PM
Haha! ;D Yeah, it'll run it's course in due time, but it never had the potential to become serious in the first place I'm sure.

Yeah, it's not a long-term proposition. :) 
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on March 30, 2017, 03:20:44 PM
Nik, just curious how extroverted are you?  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 30, 2017, 06:03:32 PM
I'm not. But if I'm hungry enough I'll always find something to eat.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on March 30, 2017, 08:19:01 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 30, 2017, 06:03:32 PM
I'm not. But if I'm hungry enough I'll always find something to eat.  8)
Ah, gotcha. I figured that was the only other answer.  ;)

It was definitely like that with me and work, so that's why I went through so much shit (years of school). There's just not many jobs out there I can do that don't make me feel majorly depressed by the time I'm done for the day, so it was pretty much do or die. So I can kinda understand. And if your sanity is so far gone regardless, then you don't have your sanity to lose any more. You can spend all day outside trying to talk to girls and not have to have any alone time to recharge, because you feel so shitty that it doesn't matter, anyways.  :D

(would also explain me being proactive about this stuff back in December)

That would explain why I'm not even trying at all right now. I feel a slight hunger, but not enough to get me looking. Tbh for me, at least, the hungrier I am, the more it indicates that my life is unbalanced, and I'm not indulging in my hobbies enough after work. So then my mind will drift to negative thinking. So probably if I ever actually make an all-out effort to find someone, it's not indicative of a good thing.  :P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 30, 2017, 08:32:38 PM
Quote from: greg on March 30, 2017, 08:19:01 PM
Ah, gotcha. I figured that was the only other answer.  ;)

It was definitely like that with me and work, so that's why I went through so much shit (years of school). There's just not many jobs out there I can do that don't make me feel majorly depressed by the time I'm done for the day, so it was pretty much do or die. So I can kinda understand. And if your sanity is so far gone regardless, then you don't have your sanity to lose any more. You can spend all day outside trying to talk to girls and not have to have any alone time to recharge, because you feel so shitty that it doesn't matter, anyways.  :D

(would also explain me being proactive about this stuff back in December)

That would explain why I'm not even trying at all right now. I feel a slight hunger, but not enough to get me looking. Tbh for me, at least, the hungrier I am, the more it indicates that my life is unbalanced, and I'm not indulging in my hobbies enough after work. So then my mind will drift to negative thinking. So probably if I ever actually make an all-out effort to find someone, it's not indicative of a good thing.  :P

I just don't worry about stuff.  8)

Remember that no matter how bad something seems, how many losses you have in life, how many girls reject you, how awful your job is, how terrible your boss/client is behaving, how revolting the pizza you've been waiting for all night tastes when it finally arrives - none of that is actually going to kill you. It might make you feel at your lowest, but it's not going to kill you. And as with all things (good as well as bad) it will pass. Just keep moving forward, regardless - even if the forward movement is imperceptible to all but you. Or don't. It's your life and it's all up to you. 

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 30, 2017, 09:02:29 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on March 30, 2017, 08:34:46 PM
I'll see what happens next week but I feel so disorientated by life in general right now  :(

Luckily I've only got one assignment this weekend but I've got my brief for the next, which is due in two weeks. I guess I should be focusing on that...and trying to accurately remember all the degrees of the harmonic series on every instrument in the orchestra  ???

As I said to greg, stuff like that isn't actually going to kill you. Just eat and keep yourself hydrated and have good sleep hygiene. Try your best with your assignments, that's all you can do. Bonus: remember that chances are that somewhere in the world right now a monkey is discovering the pleasure of a tyre swing for the first time.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 30, 2017, 09:03:21 PM
Actual dating related content.


An often made mistake.

Around the time when my ex (Toots) and I first got together we were talking about dating and when two people like each other and what happens and how it happens. And she said this -

"You don't change when I'm near"

That's it right there. While it's natural to feel excited when you're with someone you're attracted to (and I think most women enjoy seeing a guy react to some degree) too often guys get involved in a misguided attempt to appear interesting or funny or desirable.
Imagine if you're a girl and you see people - maybe even friends - sitting together all  having fun, laughing and relaxed, but as soon as you approach some of them start to behave differently. And it happens every time. All you want is to be accepted for who you are, but you never will be on account of what you have between your legs.

So, when you talk to girls stay cool like this ---> 8)  :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 31, 2017, 01:59:36 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 29, 2017, 04:11:50 PM
I hope you're maybe considering documenting all this stuff as a rule.

My poetry documents my failed love life, quite accurately (confessional poetry). Of course very few people want to read my stuff...even those Pisces girls, who destroyed the life I thought I'd have, have taken no interest  :( :(  ...;D

Here's an example, a poem about the night my then wife met Marlene the Pisces horn player (at a Bruckner 9 concert in Cleveland), five years after Marlene broke up with me. The details in the poem are accurate: Percy was my nickname for Marlene; Marlene really did notice my wife (as did much of the Severance crowd; she'd made a spectacular entrance in a revealing evening gown) without recognizing me. She actually did ask me if I'd seen the blonde in red velvet, having failed to notice me walking in with her (I tend to be invisible). Martin was my best friend when I was stationed at Fort Knox in 1973. My wife and I arranged a blind date for him with the daughter of my high school chemistry teacher, Mr. Murray. My high school girlfriend (the other Pisces) makes an appearance in the last two stanzas.


RED VELVET
       
Must I always touch in the moment, a remembered moment,
a remembered face?

                            —Conrad Aiken, At a Concert of Music

Was it the dress? that red velvet drama
amid so much formal black?
or the toss of mane, the flash of flesh
--by tailor riven cloth revealed
with every forward step--that turned
so many heads that night at Severance
towards you, whom the crowd discerned?

Even Marlene, that spirit of summers past,
stared with an almost sapphic interest
(my entrance she hadn't noticed).
The slit was provocative:
from floor to high mid-thighs
and centrally sliced for easy access,
ocular or otherwise.

When I saw Marlene in the main foyer,
I left you to check your cape alone
and approached her dazed: to meet like this,
coincidental! after five eventful, and eternal, years.
She only puzzled seconds, then. . .that smile!
but quickly squelched to a look that meant she
was annotating changes to her mental file.

Almost at once she said "did you see the blonde
in red velvet?" and we both watched, dazzled,
as you, red velvet blonde, approached with Martin
and Mister Murray's daughter. Quick introductions
and quicker so longs, and you said "so that's Percy"
you weren't impressed. Well, denim and dark corduroy couldn't
dazzle, but I saw through the rough cloth--and she saw me.
   
We took our seats high in the balcony
while far below, Marlene, scruffy in jeans,
sat front row center with a good view
of the players' argyll taste in hosiery,
a tasteless clash with Bruckner's last: black strife
in delta minor, unfinished, a swan singing of faith fraying
at the edge of life.

But first Zukerman played Mendelssohn
and his sugar sweet tones sang music redolent
of summer birds and fairy tales romantic, half-remembered.
Though we--married, lovers--sat side by side
shoulders touching, though your hand possessive
stroked my thigh, it was winter
and I left you for another woman. . . The compulsive

music moved me to a grove of green
in bright summer shades, transported me
to a time now only half-remembered
and to another romance, another lover,
and a love more lyrical than ours
--more Mendelssohnian.
As earth cradled warmth and us, Marlene picked dancing flowers;

near smiling mushrooms, in soft green moss, squirrels gossiped
while birds fluttered Disney-like near, serenading love lyrics.
But later, as we lay idyllic, side by side shoulders touching,
her hand possessive stroking my thigh, I left her for another. . .
for a child conceived in West Virginia prime,
a child-woman of chestnut and blue,
and a love, first love, as green as Appalachian springtime.

"Alas, can I never have peace in the shining instant?
. . .all I can grasp is an earlier, more haunted moment
and a happier place
"
At a concert of music my reverie died away
as Mendelssohn died away
and guilty, I avoided your eyes. Though you were my life,
I left you that wintry eve, for two women, both conceived in May.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 31, 2017, 03:41:57 PM
For you music students having trouble finding girls to date, I suggest you enroll at the Stanisław Moniuszko School of Music in Bielsko Biała Poland. The ratio of men to women is in your favor  8)

https://www.youtube.com/v/guFtLJjRuz4


Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 31, 2017, 05:27:30 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 31, 2017, 01:59:36 PM
My poetry documents my failed love life, quite accurately (confessional poetry). Of course very few people want to read my stuff...even those Pisces girls, who destroyed the life I thought I'd have, have taken no interest  :( :(  ...;D

Here's an example, a poem about the night my then wife met Marlene the Pisces horn player (at a Bruckner 9 concert in Cleveland), five years after Marlene broke up with me. The details in the poem are accurate: Percy was my nickname for Marlene; Marlene really did notice my wife (as did much of the Severance crowd; she'd made a spectacular entrance in a revealing evening gown) without recognizing me. She actually did ask me if I'd seen the blonde in red velvet, having failed to notice me walking in with her (I tend to be invisible). Martin was my best friend when I was stationed at Fort Knox in 1973. My wife and I arranged a blind date for him with the daughter of my high school chemistry teacher, Mr. Murray. My high school girlfriend (the other Pisces) makes an appearance in the last two stanzas.


RED VELVET
       
Must I always touch in the moment, a remembered moment,
a remembered face?

                            —Conrad Aiken, At a Concert of Music

Was it the dress? that red velvet drama
amid so much formal black?
or the toss of mane, the flash of flesh
--by tailor riven cloth revealed
with every forward step--that turned
so many heads that night at Severance
towards you, whom the crowd discerned?

Even Marlene, that spirit of summers past,
stared with an almost sapphic interest
(my entrance she hadn't noticed).
The slit was provocative:
from floor to high mid-thighs
and centrally sliced for easy access,
ocular or otherwise.

When I saw Marlene in the main foyer,
I left you to check your cape alone
and approached her dazed: to meet like this,
coincidental! after five eventful, and eternal, years.
She only puzzled seconds, then. . .that smile!
but quickly squelched to a look that meant she
was annotating changes to her mental file.

Almost at once she said "did you see the blonde
in red velvet?" and we both watched, dazzled,
as you, red velvet blonde, approached with Martin
and Mister Murray's daughter. Quick introductions
and quicker so longs, and you said "so that's Percy"
you weren't impressed. Well, denim and dark corduroy couldn't
dazzle, but I saw through the rough cloth--and she saw me.
   
We took our seats high in the balcony
while far below, Marlene, scruffy in jeans,
sat front row center with a good view
of the players' argyll taste in hosiery,
a tasteless clash with Bruckner's last: black strife
in delta minor, unfinished, a swan singing of faith fraying
at the edge of life.

But first Zukerman played Mendelssohn
and his sugar sweet tones sang music redolent
of summer birds and fairy tales romantic, half-remembered.
Though we--married, lovers--sat side by side
shoulders touching, though your hand possessive
stroked my thigh, it was winter
and I left you for another woman. . . The compulsive

music moved me to a grove of green
in bright summer shades, transported me
to a time now only half-remembered
and to another romance, another lover,
and a love more lyrical than ours
--more Mendelssohnian.
As earth cradled warmth and us, Marlene picked dancing flowers;

near smiling mushrooms, in soft green moss, squirrels gossiped
while birds fluttered Disney-like near, serenading love lyrics.
But later, as we lay idyllic, side by side shoulders touching,
her hand possessive stroking my thigh, I left her for another. . .
for a child conceived in West Virginia prime,
a child-woman of chestnut and blue,
and a love, first love, as green as Appalachian springtime.

"Alas, can I never have peace in the shining instant?
. . .all I can grasp is an earlier, more haunted moment
and a happier place
"
At a concert of music my reverie died away
as Mendelssohn died away
and guilty, I avoided your eyes. Though you were my life,
I left you that wintry eve, for two women, both conceived in May.

Yeah, you document it. ;D
I think it's important to document stuff in words or a photo or whatever.

Certainly appears to have been a hell of an entrance. And it's vivid, even years later when an outsider is reading it.

"...players' argyll taste in hosiery"
Almost always it's the details.

I enjoyed your poem and insight into that part and time in your life. Thanks for posting it, Sarge. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 31, 2017, 05:39:37 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 31, 2017, 05:27:30 PM
"...players' argyll taste in hosiery"
Almost always it's the details.

Before my wife and friends appeared, Marlene and I debated seating. She preferred the first row. As an orchestral musician herself, she liked to have that closeup sound, that in the midst of the orchestra perspective. The only downside of being that close, she said, was having a clear view of the violin players' argyll socks ;D  I loved her sense of humor.

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 31, 2017, 05:57:06 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 31, 2017, 05:39:37 PM
Before my wife and friends appeared, Marlene and I debated seating. She preferred the first row. As an orchestral musician herself, she liked to have that closeup sound, that in the midst of the orchestra perspective. The only downside of being that close, she said, was having a clear view of the violin players' argyll socks ;D  I loved her sense of humor.

Sarge


;D I think that so often it's the details that last. In a photo or words. At the time they can be amusing or interesting or something. Then later (often much later) you really see them.
But as I said, you're good at putting together a picture of a time and place. And when it's coupled with the self-honesty, it's strong.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on March 31, 2017, 06:01:44 PM
Quote from: NikF on March 31, 2017, 05:57:06 PM

But as I said, you're good at putting together a picture of a time and place. And when it's coupled with the self-honesty, it's strong.

Thank you.

Just noticed your new avatar. The Russian?

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 31, 2017, 06:15:38 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on March 31, 2017, 06:01:44 PM
Thank you.

You're welcome. And I'm glad and appreciative of your posts in the thread. 


Quote
Just noticed your new avatar. The Russian?

Sarge

Yeah, I got tired of looking at myself. :) We've been sifting through files and folders. There are scans of bits and pieces along with dozens of five second video clips. ;D But the holy grail is the Super 8 stuff. And the MF Tri-X of Toots with her hair up in a bubble bath, of course.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on March 31, 2017, 11:43:03 PM
I finally remembered to send a message to the pharmacist. An excerpt -

Hey *pharmacist*.

I don't believe we've spoken this century. So what's new with you? Are you still offering free diabetes and blood pressure tests? And do you still drive the same car?



I'll update if/when I receive a reply.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 01, 2017, 04:01:31 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on April 01, 2017, 02:51:49 AM
It's not directly about relationships (though they have plenty on it), but it's good though material:


https://youtu.be/sswopsUW1mQ (https://youtu.be/sswopsUW1mQ)

That was interesting. Thanks for posting it. :)
The "no" is a sign to many people that they're not as special and valued as much as they believe they deserve to be. But the hell with thinking that crap - just rip that band-aid right off.  8)

BTW, I almost didn't watch that video because the last time jessop posted and recommended one it was about three days long.  ??? :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 02, 2017, 07:03:53 AM
Well, there will be no reunion date for the pharmacist and I. I'd emailed her and in reply she sent her number. We spoke (I made a phone call  :o  :laugh:) and she's seeing someone at the moment.
I'm still planning to post a photo of her as part of a 'women I have photographed and dated' kind of thing. There's a good (although not great) photo of her that's kind of cool. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 07:16:28 AM
Quote from: NikF on April 02, 2017, 07:03:53 AM
Well, there will be no reunion date for the pharmacist and I. I'd emailed her and in reply she sent her number. We spoke (I made a phone call  :o  :laugh:) and she's seeing someone at the moment.
I'm still planning to post a photo of her as part of a 'women I have photographed and dated' kind of thing. There's a good (although not great) photo of her that's kind of cool. 8)

That stinks, Nik. Oh well, there's plenty of other women out there.

In my corner of the world, I was hit on by a 21 year old yesterday and she was quite attractive, but she's just too young. She might as well have stripped right in front of me when she said things like "I'm tired of cooking at home, do you know any good places to eat?" or "I'm alone for the next couple of nights as my roommates are both out of town," and, finally, when she repeated her name to me several times and said "Don't forget my name is..." So, yeah, if only she was at least 28 or so I definitely would have gone to dinner with her that night or tonight. She also made it a point to tell me she'll definitely be back in the store again and will stop by to see me.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 02, 2017, 07:27:01 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 07:16:28 AM
That stinks, Nik. Oh well, there's plenty of other women out there.
I was really just pushing my luck.  ;D

Quote
In my corner of the world, I was hit on by a 21 year old yesterday and she was quite attractive, but she's just too young. She might as well have stripped right in front of me when she said things like "I'm tired of cooking at home, do you know any good places to eat?" or "I'm alone for the next couple of nights as my roommates are both out of town," and, finally, when she repeated her name to me several times and said "Don't forget my name is..." So, yeah, if only she was at least 28 or so I definitely would have gone to dinner with her that night or tonight. She also made it a point to tell me she'll definitely be back in the store again and will stop by to see me.

How cool.  8) If I were you, I'd definitely go for it. I mean, you can back out at any time. Just roll with it. Only my opinion.  :)
Having said that, if your mind is totally made up as far as her being too young and all that, I want you to know you have permission to give her my number.  8) ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 07:34:37 AM
Quote from: NikF on April 02, 2017, 07:27:01 AM
I was really just pushing my luck.  ;D

;) Btw, how are things going with your blue-haired lady?

Quote from: NikF on April 02, 2017, 07:27:01 AMHow cool.  8) If I were you, I'd definitely go for it. I mean, you can back out at any time. Just roll with it. Only my opinion.  :)
Having said that, if your mind is totally made up as far as her being too young and all that, I want you to know you have permission to give her my number.  8) ;D

Yeah, I mean I was quite flattered by her advances don't get me wrong, but I'm not sure how I feel yet about dating someone who is that much younger than I am. Also, I seldom give my number out. If she gives me her number, that's great, but she's definitely not going to be getting mine voluntarily. I probably won't be asking for her number either. I had a similar situation with another young one many months ago, but, again, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm that much older than her.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 02, 2017, 08:04:34 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 07:34:37 AM
;) Btw, how are things going with your blue-haired lady?

;) <--- yeah you got it, that's exactly where it was at. ;D

Re: Blulabelle - that's fine, thanks.  :)  I haven't seen her since Friday, but she's expected tomorrow night and so I've pre-ordered the McNuggets.

Quote
Yeah, I mean I was quite flattered by her advances don't get me wrong, but I'm not sure how I feel yet about dating someone who is that much younger than I am. Also, I seldom give my number out. If she gives me her number, that's great, but she's definitely not going to be getting mine voluntarily. I probably won't be asking for her number either. I had a similar situation with another young one many months ago, but, again, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm that much older than her.

I understand that you're unsure about dating someone who is so much younger than you. And with that in mind I'd just like to remind you that if you did date her you've nothing to lose. All you need to make sure is that you draw a line beforehand and never cross it.  :)
There's a chance it could be a good opportunity to get out and have fun in a change of scenery. There's a further chance that despite her being younger than you she might know some cool older girls.  8)

Yeah, it's sensible to guard your phone number. At the risk of seeming a bad influence or anything like that I would like to suggest you look at the possibility of maybe purchasing a basic and inexpensive pay as you go (or whatever it is called down your way) phone which is used only for exchanging numbers with women. My best friend and those close to me have my real phone number, but I've also a really cheap (about 8 USD) phone. I find it useful for when I want to keep my options open with women I'm not yet sure about seeing again. Please know I've tried to make that last sentence as respectable sounding as possible.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 02, 2017, 08:10:46 AM
Actually, there's another option with the 'dating phone' scenario.

If they're cheap enough it's good to buy two. Then when you give a girl your number you say "See this phone? It's not my real number I use on a daily basis. It's only used for signing up for stuff and calling cabs and all that. But this other phone here is my main one and it's the one I'm giving you the number of right now :)"

I'm not suggesting you do that, of course. I'm just pointing it out.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 09:04:42 AM
Hah! :D Well, Nik I'm not quite the ladies man like you are, so two phones is definitely out of the question. :) Plus, I couldn't even fathom having two separate phone bills regardless of how much they cost me per month. I know this guy at my work who has two phones and he's far from a ladies man nor is he married or in a serious relationship, so each time he gets out one of his phones from one of his pockets, I just raise my eyebrow and when he leaves I laugh a little.

I might go out with this lady, but it most definitely would have to be on my own terms and not hers. Plus, I'd have to just put out there that this could never be anything serious. Nothing wrong with fooling around a bit.

Yes, get the McNuggets ready and if she likes the BBQ sauce, make sure you supply her with plenty of that as well. Got to keep Blulabelle happy ya know. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 02, 2017, 11:09:07 AM
I rarely carry one phone with me never mind two. ;D Most people know to email me because I check my account a couple of times a day . :)

Yeah, just make it clear to her from the outset. And remember that you're in control and can change your mind any time you want. It's not like you're signing a contract that you can't get out of. It's all good. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 02, 2017, 04:06:11 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 07:16:28 AM
In my corner of the world, I was hit on by a 21 year old yesterday and she was quite attractive, but she's just too young. She might as well have stripped right in front of me when she said things like "I'm tired of cooking at home, do you know any good places to eat?" or "I'm alone for the next couple of nights as my roommates are both out of town," and, finally, when she repeated her name to me several times and said "Don't forget my name is..." So, yeah, if only she was at least 28 or so I definitely would have gone to dinner with her that night or tonight. She also made it a point to tell me she'll definitely be back in the store again and will stop by to see me.
OMG. John, are you crazy? Go for it!


(btw, in 7 years she will 28)

I seriously don't understand how you don't see early 20's as anything other than an ideal age. You can explain, but I still will never understand.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: SurprisedByBeauty on April 02, 2017, 04:29:41 PM
Quote from: greg on April 02, 2017, 04:06:11 PM
OMG. John, are you crazy? Go for it!


(btw, in 7 years she will 28)

I seriously don't understand how you don't see early 20's as anything other than an ideal age. You can explain, but I still will never understand.

Let's have Louis CK explain it, instead.  ;D

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4jr4g5 (http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4jr4g5)

I get it, to an extent -- but it obviously very much depends on personality and shared interests.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 02, 2017, 05:30:07 PM
Quote from: SurprisedByBeauty on April 02, 2017, 04:29:41 PM
Let's have Louis CK explain it, instead.  ;D

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4jr4g5 (http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4jr4g5)

I get it, to an extent -- but it obviously very much depends on personality and shared interests.
Some of his stuff I've found funny, but that one I believe I've seen before all I can say is fuck that shit. And I mean it with the utmost sincerity. Just understanding "oh, that's how the world works" or "oh, that's life", etc. will not make you a happy little corporate slave, no matter what age you are. Actually, it can only make someone more depressed. Just fuck that shit, from the bottom of my heart. Glad I don't have a job like that any more and have to deal with people that just don't get it.

And you know, people from many other countries aren't even encouraged at all to work when they finish school, but rather are expected to focus solely on school. For example, the people from India that I work with did not work while in college and weren't expected to. And I hear it's the same way in Northern Europe. Just dumb redneck culture that values mindless work more than knowledge or happiness.

Not really sure what that has to do with relationships, but... yeah, shared interests and compatible personalities are the way to go.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 06:31:27 PM
Quote from: greg on April 02, 2017, 04:06:11 PM
OMG. John, are you crazy? Go for it!


(btw, in 7 years she will 28)

I seriously don't understand how you don't see early 20's as anything other than an ideal age. You can explain, but I still will never understand.

And I'll be 41. Doesn't really help me much. But, seriously, my first impression of her seems to be she's quite mature for her age. She's a senior in college and told me she only had two classes left before she graduates. She's a construction management major and mentioned she has quite an interest in building roads. She's got just the right amount of weirdness for me, too, but I'm not really sure why I have a mental block against dating someone 10-15 years younger than me.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on April 02, 2017, 06:38:32 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 06:31:27 PM
And I'll be 41. Doesn't really help me much. But, seriously, my first impression of her seems to be she's quite mature for her age. She's a senior in college and told me she only had two classes left before she graduates. She's a construction management major and mentioned she has quite an interest in building roads. She's got just the right amount of weirdness for me, too, but I'm not really sure why I have a mental block against dating someone 10-15 years younger than me.
When I was 30 I went on a date with a 21 year old, possibly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. But 21 was too young. I didn't ask her again (and I doubt she would have wanted me to). The difference between 21 and 28 is vast.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 06:40:36 PM
Quote from: Ken B on April 02, 2017, 06:38:32 PM
When I was 30 I went on a date with a 21 year old, possibly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. But 21 was too young. I didn't ask her again (and I doubt she would have wanted me to). The difference between 21 and 28 is vast.

Indeed. It's just hard for me to get on the level of someone younger than me now. :-\
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 02, 2017, 08:07:03 PM
You're over thinking this.

Go out and have some fun. That is, go out and have some fun in the moment.
You're not being asked to put yourself in a position or situation you can't get out of. And even if you went on a date and within the first five minutes you discover you've made a huge mistake, you can walk away and no harm has been done.

If it feels good, do it again. If it doesn't feel good, don't do it again.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 08:26:13 PM
Quote from: NikF on April 02, 2017, 08:07:03 PM
You're over thinking this.

Go out and have some fun. That is, go out and have some fun in the moment.
You're not being asked to put yourself in a position or situation you can't get out of. And even if you went on a date and within the first five minutes you discover you've made a huge mistake, you can walk away and no harm has been done.

If it feels good, do it again. If it doesn't feel good, don't do it again.

You're absolutely right, Nik. I'm just overthinking things like I always do. A lot of the time I end up being my own worst enemy.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 02, 2017, 08:48:44 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 08:26:13 PM
You're absolutely right, Nik. I'm just overthinking things like I always do. A lot of the time I end up being my own worst enemy.

We're all our worst enemy sometimes. ;D It's natural. The problem for a lot of guys is that they're never self-aware enough or that they simply don't like to admit they're wrong, and so as a result they let it trip them up time and time again and it holds them back from living the life they want. But that's not the case here.  :)

Never underestimate the simple pleasure to be found in stuff like sitting opposite a pretty, attractive, interesting, feminine face that's wittering away about everything/nothing over a cup of coffee. It is what it is. :)
In any case, take it easy. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 09:36:09 PM
Yep, that's certainly true, Nik.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 02, 2017, 10:28:52 PM
"You are far, far too confident - and I'm not sure how I feel about that." http://www.good-music-guide.com/community/index.php/topic,26059.msg1046570.html#msg1046570

(http://i1325.photobucket.com/albums/u623/NikF64/IMG_07006fwb_zpsksgygx1e.png)


I'm sure that some time ago I spoke with the Sarge (and I think, North Star) about the value in continuing after you've got the shot(s) in the bag. This was the case here. She was posed by the window and although I can't remember exactly, she was complaining that some dude outside was walking back and forth and looking at her or something.

(Techie in case you're interested: one of my go to improvised setups that I've shown before. The key is via the window, but on camera left there's a light coloured door that opens in to the room and it's angled to provide a bit of fill in lieu of another light.
Again, sorry for a crappy cellphone photo of a print.)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on April 03, 2017, 05:45:53 AM
Quote from: NikF on April 02, 2017, 10:28:52 PM

I'm sure that some time ago I spoke with the Sarge (and I think, North Star) about the value in continuing after you've got the shot(s) in the bag. This was the case here. She was posed by the window and although I can't remember exactly, she was complaining that some dude outside was walking back and forth and looking at her or something.

(Techie in case you're interested: one of my go to improvised setups that I've shown before. The key is via the window, but on camera left there's a light coloured door that opens in to the room and it's angled to provide a bit of fill in lieu of another light.
Again, sorry for a crappy cellphone photo of a print.)

Lovely shot of a beautiful woman. Coincidently, one of the next batch of photos I want to show you includes an almost identical pose from my model. Technically, very different though.

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on April 03, 2017, 05:56:39 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 02, 2017, 06:31:27 PM....but I'm not really sure why I have a mental block against dating someone 10-15 years younger than me.

Quote from: Ken B on April 02, 2017, 06:38:32 PM
When I was 30 I went on a date with a 21 year old, possibly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. But 21 was too young. I didn't ask her again (and I doubt she would have wanted me to). The difference between 21 and 28 is vast.


If I had thought that way 42 years ago, Mrs. Rock and I wouldn't be celebrating our 40th anniversary this month. Sometimes May-December relationships work out just fine. Give it a chance, John. One date couldn't hurt. If nothing else, you'll have, just like Ken, a story to tell the youngsters on the forum  8)

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 03, 2017, 06:04:55 AM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on April 03, 2017, 05:56:39 AM

If I had thought that way 42 years ago, Mrs. Rock and I wouldn't be celebrating our 40th anniversary this month. Sometimes May-December relationships work out just fine. Give it a chance, John. One date couldn't hurt. If nothing else, you'll have, just like Ken, a story to tell the youngsters on the forum  8)

Sarge

Thanks, Sarge. If I see her again, I'll definitely ask her out.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 03, 2017, 06:21:52 AM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on April 03, 2017, 05:45:53 AM
Lovely shot of a beautiful woman. Coincidently, one of the next batch of photos I want to show you includes an almost identical pose from my model. Technically, very different though.

Sarge

Cheers, Sarge. And I look forward to viewing the next batch of your work.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on April 04, 2017, 10:47:19 AM
Quote from: greg on April 02, 2017, 04:06:11 PMI seriously don't understand how you don't see early 20's as anything other than an ideal age. You can explain, but I still will never understand.

People are, y'know, different.

Last September, I briefly dated a wonderful girl I've become quite enamored with – I knew she was much younger than me and kept my feelings platonic but our paths eventually crossed in a way that made us give it a try.  She's an amazing person, intelligent and creative and beautiful to boot, but It. Just. Didn't. Work. I was 34, she was 21 and it felt like dating a younger sister. I couldn't bring myself to respect her as an equal. So there. But it's not about the age difference itself, it's always about the people involved / the timing of that involvement. Meeting her ten years later, the story might've been completely different, who knows.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 04, 2017, 08:34:46 PM
Quote from: Rinaldo on April 04, 2017, 10:47:19 AM
People are, y'know, different.

Last September, I briefly dated a wonderful girl I've become quite enamored with – I knew she was much younger than me and kept my feelings platonic but our paths eventually crossed in a way that made us give it a try.  She's an amazing person, intelligent and creative and beautiful to boot, but It. Just. Didn't. Work. I was 34, she was 21 and it felt like dating a younger sister. I couldn't bring myself to respect her as an equal. So there. But it's not about the age difference itself, it's always about the people involved / the timing of that involvement. Meeting her ten years later, the story might've been completely different, who knows.
From my perspective: I'm just looking at John's situation, and IMO the girl looks cute, but second-guessing it before he even knows her is just baffling. The ultimate, ideal way of connecting with a girl for me is for the girl to make the first move. That's happened a few times with me, but they either weren't attractive, or they were attractive and other reasons prevented anything from happening. I would certainly not throw away the opportunity, but give it a try for sure.

And it sounds like your reasons are a bit different than his, because he's mentioning emotional/intelligence difference, when that really has nothing to do with age, but everything to do with a person's capacity to learn and grow, which is exhibited usually at a young age. Sounds like the feeling like you're dating your younger sister turned you off too much to continue. Well... everyone has their own tastes. That wouldn't bother me much, personally.

Perhaps I associate youth with a curious and eager to learn mind and middle aged and older adults as more set in their ways? (and wow, do i prefer the former by a long shot)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 04, 2017, 09:41:47 PM
I've two tickets to hear Oundjian/RSNO performing Brahms 4 in Edinburgh on Friday. It doesn't appeal to my little blue haired friend and so I'm thinking of trying to get a date for it. I could get a date, but I'd like it to be a date with someone I don't already know and who is cool. 8) There's next to no chance of success, but it's worth a try. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: SurprisedByBeauty on April 05, 2017, 01:58:11 AM
Quote from: NikF on April 04, 2017, 09:41:47 PM
I've two tickets to hear Oundjian/RSNO performing Brahms 4 in Edinburgh on Friday. It doesn't appeal to my little blue haired friend and so I'm thinking of trying to get a date for it. I could get a date, but I'd like it to be a date with someone I don't already know and who is cool. 8) There's next to no chance of success, but it's worth a try. :)

By virtue of wanting to hear B4 with you, aren't chances already above average that the person to agree to this would be cool?

Although I do have an experience where one of the lasses on my list when I have extra tickets was really awkward, argumentative, slightly weird, perhaps even rude... very subtle but very notably so.
And I thought to myself: My Gawd, what a nightmare; how can I screen better for something like that not to happen again. But the weird thing was: She couldn't have thought it was all that horrible -- although I was dead sure she'd taken a distinct disliking to me -- because she kept asking when I might have tickets again. Either she thought that that foul atmosphere was normal/not-that-bad or else worth the price of a free ticket. (Which would be sad.) But those are exceptions.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: SurprisedByBeauty on April 05, 2017, 02:02:20 AM
Quote from: greg on April 04, 2017, 08:34:46 PM
From my perspective: I'm just looking at John's situation, and IMO the girl looks cute, but second-guessing it before he even knows her is just baffling. The ultimate, ideal way of connecting with a girl for me is for the girl to make the first move. That's happened a few times with me, but they either weren't attractive, or they were attractive and other reasons prevented anything from happening. I would certainly not throw away the opportunity, but give it a try for sure.

And it sounds like your reasons are a bit different than his, because he's mentioning emotional/intelligence difference, when that really has nothing to do with age, but everything to do with a person's capacity to learn and grow, which is exhibited usually at a young age. Sounds like the feeling like you're dating your younger sister turned you off too much to continue. Well... everyone has their own tastes. That wouldn't bother me much, personally.

Perhaps I associate youth with a curious and eager to learn mind and middle aged and older adults as more set in their ways? (and wow, do i prefer the former by a long shot)

Rinaldo has a really good point: Would he respect the other person as an equal. That's something hard to admit to oneself that one might not do... (because it doesn't mean not being nice. It means having a lingering patronizing attitude about the other person... no problem for a few years, perhaps, but ultimately fatal.) And there's the natural looking-up to the experience of an elder by a younger. Especially when they are eager to learn and bright and mature. Sadly, that bonus will wear off as they make their own life-experiences along the road. And then you better have something on equal footing and not too grossly divergent, because else even the originally happiest relationships can be in trouble. So while I am on the side of those who would suggest to 'go for it', I think a reason like this, coupled with that insight, is commendable, indeed. No point wasting either person's time and efforts in that case. Perfect mix of natural self-interest and being very unselfish, I'd say.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 05, 2017, 04:06:43 AM
Quote from: SurprisedByBeauty on April 05, 2017, 01:58:11 AM
By virtue of wanting to hear B4 with you, aren't chances already above average that the person to agree to this would be cool?

Yes, although I'm taking the coolness inherent in a desire to hear Brahms 4 as a given.  :) The real cool part would be such as her driving us to the venue, during which she regales me with a long, detailed, drama laden and perhaps even breathless account of her quest to complete collecting the 60s HVK Brahms cycle, all the while surreptitiously (she thinks) constantly checking out my bicep vein from the corner of her eye.  8) ;D


Quote
Although I do have an experience where one of the lasses on my list when I have extra tickets was really awkward, argumentative, slightly weird, perhaps even rude... very subtle but very notably so.
And I thought to myself: My Gawd, what a nightmare; how can I screen better for something like that not to happen again. But the weird thing was: She couldn't have thought it was all that horrible -- although I was dead sure she'd taken a distinct disliking to me -- because she kept asking when I might have tickets again. Either she thought that that foul atmosphere was normal/not-that-bad or else worth the price of a free ticket. (Which would be sad.) But those are exceptions.

Oh dear. Well, it could always be worse. For example, she could become bored and start kicking the seat in front of her and when the dude turns around to complain, she feigns innocence while pointing to you. :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 05, 2017, 08:09:03 PM
Quote from: SurprisedByBeauty on April 05, 2017, 02:02:20 AM
Rinaldo has a really good point: Would he respect the other person as an equal. That's something hard to admit to oneself that one might not do... (because it doesn't mean not being nice. It means having a lingering patronizing attitude about the other person... no problem for a few years, perhaps, but ultimately fatal.)
I really don't get why so many people have a patronizing attitude to other people just because they are younger. "Lack of life experience," etc... certain things, maybe. But everyone has different experiences. Most people that are 16 have more dating experience than I do. Many 16 year-old have experiences living in rough neighborhoods or have experience using drugs that I've never tried (basically, all of them lol  :P). So, in effect, even I could look up to someone who is 13 years younger than me for life knowledge for certain things.

If I were Rinaldo I'd see a 21-year old as an equal, with the exception that they almost for sure will have not started their career yet (unequal financially). But Rinaldo is probably much more comfortable identifying as his own age, whereas I just can't identify at all with my own age. I'm almost 30, but my subconscious mind will tell you I'm 20.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 05, 2017, 08:44:59 PM
Quote from: greg on April 05, 2017, 08:09:03 PMIf I were Rinaldo I'd see a 21-year old as an equal, with the exception that they almost for sure will have not started their career yet (unequal financially). But Rinaldo is probably much more comfortable identifying as his own age, whereas I just can't identify at all with my own age. I'm almost 30, but my subconscious mind will tell you I'm 20.

Rinaldo and I are at a certain point in our own lives where we see that woman who is 10-15 younger only has one benefit: good sex, but we're also both old enough to realize that the physical aspect of a relationship doesn't last if that's all that relationship is based on. Personally speaking, I crave a woman of substance and maturity and I have yet to speak to a woman who is 10-15 years younger than me who exhibits any of the afore mentioned qualities.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on April 05, 2017, 10:46:01 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on April 03, 2017, 05:56:39 AM

If I had thought that way 42 years ago, Mrs. Rock and I wouldn't be celebrating our 40th anniversary this month. Sometimes May-December relationships work out just fine. Give it a chance, John. One date couldn't hurt. If nothing else, you'll have, just like Ken, a story to tell the youngsters on the forum  8)

Sarge

I agree with Sarge on this one.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on April 05, 2017, 11:08:26 PM
Quote from: greg on April 05, 2017, 08:09:03 PMI really don't get why so many people have a patronizing attitude to other people just because they are younger. "Lack of life experience," etc... certain things, maybe. But everyone has different experiences.

Exactly. 'Patronizing' wouldn't be the word I'd use but there's no denying we were at completely different stages in our lives. I've been through stuff, I've experienced love and loss that was previously unimaginable to me. Doesn't mean I'm a better or a smarter person, but it automatically sets me apart from someone who's 'new' to all this.

QuoteBut Rinaldo is probably much more comfortable identifying as his own age, whereas I just can't identify at all with my own age. I'm almost 30, but my subconscious mind will tell you I'm 20.

Hence the 'people are different' point I was making. I don't doubt you could be perfectly happy with someone younger – I know couples just like that.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: SurprisedByBeauty on April 06, 2017, 01:52:41 AM
Quote from: greg on April 05, 2017, 08:09:03 PM
I really don't get why so many people have a patronizing attitude to other people just because they are younger. "Lack of life experience," etc... certain things, maybe. But everyone has different experiences. Most people that are 16 have more dating experience than I do. Many 16 year-old have experiences living in rough neighborhoods or have experience using drugs that I've never tried (basically, all of them lol  :P). So, in effect, even I could look up to someone who is 13 years younger than me for life knowledge for certain things.

It's not about dating experience, for starters... it's about the experience we value and wish to be valued. That's different to every person... although there are broadly analogous experiences in swatch of society that have shared values/backgrounds.  We are naturally attracted to people that share our values or look up to them; that aspire to similar experiences. And, vice versa, people who thus aspire will naturally be attracted to someone who has had these experiences.  Experiences outside that realm, meanwhile, don't count as much. I.e. someone who wishes to be liked for his acumen in carpentry and restoration of 17th century furniture and whose greatest pride is his wine cellar will not find any benefit in the excess of experience a  younger partner might have in living rough, shooting up, or sleeping around. (To use your examples, crassified.)

In any case, what comes out of such situations is that there's an element of admiration in one person for the other (for who they are, what they've done, where they are, what their knowledge or experience is). And with being admired (which feels pretty good) comes often an underlying feeling that I called "patronization" earlier; you might easily find a better name for it. The point is not that that's good or bad in and of itself. My point is that it inevitable. And those who realize there's that element to it (it need not be exclusively that; it need not be dooming the relationship) in their relationship are better off for having gotten wise to it. And THEN one can make a truly informed decision whether one wants to date a particular person of age difference or not. Uh-oh, "Person of Age Difference". I sense something for the "faddish phrases that annoy you (http://www.good-music-guide.com/community/index.php/topic,26863.msg1053444.html#msg1053444)" thread. But we have to establish it as a phrase, first. I wish that all significantly younger significant others from now on be referred to as "POAD". Or maybe "Person of Considerable Age Difference" / "POCAD". And "Person involved with a Person of considerable age difference" of course as "PIWAPOCAD".
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 06, 2017, 06:33:40 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on April 05, 2017, 11:59:58 PM
I feel like I should be posting "Hey guys guess what? there was this chick and I asked her out and we're officially a couple now. She's a huge fan of Schnebel, Stockhausen and Merzbow. We also "got busy" last night  ;) It's all over now, I'm in happy land now" but I'm not....maybe give it a month? a year? a decade? a century? a millennia? a lifetime? two lifetimes?  ???

???
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 07, 2017, 11:09:17 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on April 05, 2017, 11:59:58 PM
I feel like I should be posting "Hey guys guess what? there was this chick and I asked her out and we're officially a couple now. She's a huge fan of Schnebel, Stockhausen and Merzbow. We also "got busy" last night  ;) It's all over now, I'm in happy land now" but I'm not....maybe give it a month? a year? a decade? a century? a millennia? a lifetime? two lifetimes?  ???
A huge fan of Merzbow... I don't whether I'd be terrified or thrilled to meet such a girl.  :P




Quote from: Mirror Image on April 05, 2017, 08:44:59 PM
Rinaldo and I are at a certain point in our own lives where we see that woman who is 10-15 younger only has one benefit: good sex, but we're also both old enough to realize that the physical aspect of a relationship doesn't last if that's all that relationship is based on. Personally speaking, I crave a woman of substance and maturity and I have yet to speak to a woman who is 10-15 years younger than me who exhibits any of the afore mentioned qualities.
Not sure how you define "substance," since I think we'd all define that differently. But ok, I see what your tastes are.

Tbh I've never noticed a huge difference in maturity when comparing women of different ages. People tend to be the same no matter what their age is. The only difference is that older people are not going to party quite as much or go to clubs meant for younger people; instead, their priorities in life (mainly, managing a family) tend to make them appear more mature and responsible.

But if you see something I'm not seeing, then cool.



Quote from: Rinaldo on April 05, 2017, 11:08:26 PM
Exactly. 'Patronizing' wouldn't be the word I'd use but there's no denying we were at completely different stages in our lives. I've been through stuff, I've experienced love and loss that was previously unimaginable to me. Doesn't mean I'm a better or a smarter person, but it automatically sets me apart from someone who's 'new' to all this.

Hence the 'people are different' point I was making. I don't doubt you could be perfectly happy with someone younger – I know couples just like that.
Gotcha, good clarification. And very true.  :)



Quote from: SurprisedByBeauty on April 06, 2017, 01:52:41 AM
It's not about dating experience, for starters... it's about the experience we value and wish to be valued. That's different to every person... although there are broadly analogous experiences in swatch of society that have shared values/backgrounds.  We are naturally attracted to people that share our values or look up to them; that aspire to similar experiences. And, vice versa, people who thus aspire will naturally be attracted to someone who has had these experiences.  Experiences outside that realm, meanwhile, don't count as much. I.e. someone who wishes to be liked for his acumen in carpentry and restoration of 17th century furniture and whose greatest pride is his wine cellar will not find any benefit in the excess of experience a  younger partner might have in living rough, shooting up, or sleeping around. (To use your examples, crassified.)
Sure. I completely agree...

i'm about to fall asleep, so maybe this won't make sense...

but wasn't a point made earlier in this thread about people having different experiences at different ages? Why can't two people of different ages be into restoration of 17th century furniture? And why can't the older person look for someone, specifically, a little bit younger, who is into restoration of 17th century furniture?

confused  ???

We're building off of other people's points because of questions I'm asking, so I should probably stop asking questions.  ;D


Quote from: SurprisedByBeauty on April 06, 2017, 01:52:41 AM
And "Person involved with a Person of considerable age difference" of course as "PIWAPOCAD".
Wow... ok  ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 08, 2017, 01:13:07 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on April 07, 2017, 11:21:07 PM
Literally nobody noticed it was a joke, I thought I was clear...... :-\  :(
I noticed...
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 08, 2017, 09:33:05 PM
Something sparked inside of me tonight. I have a phone conversation with my friend almost every day, for a couple of hours. Somehow we ended up on the topic of physical fitness. He was talking about how he wants to lose 60 pounds or so, and how he has before, but just hasn't been in the routine of exercising.

I've gotten way too comfortable with how I look. I mean, I can go to the pool around the ladies and be very confident in how I look right now. But still, I could do better. Mainly, my abs could use a bit of work to really stand out. There is a pool practically in my backyard open to the whole neighborhood during the summer. Definitely something I could use the next month or two to prepare for.

The thing about being physically active is that most of the time I'm not into it. But when I do get into it, I get REALLY into it. Sometimes it just hits me how amazing it feels after a workout- but it's not a consistent feeling with every workout. The solution I think is that I should be doing some cardio each day after work, then eat and shower, THEN do some gaming for a few hours and go to sleep. Something to keep me hooked, since fitness is not something you can simply grind out (like you can with gaming, for example).

And like attracts like... girls into fitness usually look the best, so there's that.  ;) (and it is also very healthy for the mind)

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 09:06:37 AM
Greg, always the one for the superficial.... ::)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 09, 2017, 10:23:53 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 09:06:37 AM
Greg, always the one for the superficial.... ::)
I'd like to see you roll your eyes after a few months of fitness training, feeling great physically (which leads to feeling great mentally) and catching the attention of cute girls. Unless you work, like, 70 hours a week, there's not much of an excuse to not work out at least a little.

I want to ask you something directly, because I've been curious about this: Would you have sex with someone just because you connected mentally with them (and were not attracted to at all physically)?

My perspective: the person you sleep with can be your best friend, but you don't sleep with your best friend.

Physically hot + mentally no connection: possible hookup, if you're into that; but not relationship material
Physically hot + mentally there's a connection: relationship material, possibly marriage material



Perhaps it is better to state it like that, rather than talk around in circles.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 11:09:58 AM
Quote from: greg on April 09, 2017, 10:23:53 AM
I'd like to see you roll your eyes after a few months of fitness training, feeling great physically (which leads to feeling great mentally) and catching the attention of cute girls. Unless you work, like, 70 hours a week, there's not much of an excuse to not work out at least a little.

I want to ask you something directly, because I've been curious about this: Would you have sex with someone just because you connected mentally with them (and were not attracted to at all physically)?

My perspective: the person you sleep with can be your best friend, but you don't sleep with your best friend.

Physically hot + mentally no connection: possible hookup, if you're into that; but not relationship material
Physically hot + mentally there's a connection: relationship material, possibly marriage material



Perhaps it is better to state it like that, rather than talk around in circles.

I'm all for someone exercising and getting into shape if that's they want to do. That's not what my comment was about or why I did an eye roll. It's about your obsession with everything that's on the surface. Sure, there's nothing wrong with wanting someone who's attractive, but remember that attractiveness is more than surface sheen and it's also something that's different for everyone. As I've said many times now, what you're looking for, Greg, is not grounded in reality. Whatever is built in your mind, does not exist in the form in which you're seeking. Also, there's more than life than just sex. If you're looking for a pat on the back because you hooked up with some random woman you met from the internet that one time, then you're definitely not going to get it from me. What you lack is self-esteem and a grounding in what real women are like and what they could possibly offer you.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 11:13:45 AM
As for my own endeavors, I've got a date with a woman I met at a grocery store today. I'm not sure when we'll get together, but she seems pretty sweet.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 09, 2017, 11:21:58 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 11:09:58 AM
I'm all for someone exercising and getting into shape if that's they want to do. That's not what my comment was about or why I did an eye roll. It's about your obsession with everything that's on the surface. Sure, there's nothing wrong with wanting someone who's attractive, but remember that attractiveness is more than surface sheen and it's also something that's different for everyone.
Okay. Could you just answer my question? It's a yes/no question, very straightforward.

Satisfy my curiosity, please?  :-X



Quote from: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 11:09:58 AM
As I've said many times now, what you're looking for, Greg, is not grounded in reality.
Maybe. Anime girls don't really exist, after all. (kidding)  :P
But this is news to me that pretty women do not exist. Wow. I guess they were mirages the whole time.  :P


Quote from: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 11:09:58 AM
Whatever is built in your mind, does not exist in the form in which you're seeking. Also, there's more than life than just sex. If you're looking for a pat on the back because you hooked up with some random woman you met from the internet that one time, then you're definitely not going to get it from me. What you lack is self-esteem and a grounding in what real women are like and what they could possibly offer you.
Everything about this wrong. I'll just ignore it because you'll just keep repeating it for some reason even though it's wrong. Very fundamental misunderstanding.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 11:31:14 AM
Quote from: greg on April 09, 2017, 11:21:58 AM
Okay. Could you just answer my question? It's a yes/no question, very straightforward.

Satisfy my curiosity, please?  :-X


Maybe. Anime girls don't really exist, after all. (kidding)  :P
But this is news to me that pretty women do not exist. Wow. I guess they were mirages the whole time.  :P

Everything about this wrong. I'll just ignore it because you'll just keep repeating it for some reason even though it's wrong. Very fundamental misunderstanding.

Your question is a complicated one and is one I can't properly answer, hence why I initially ignored it, because, for me, attraction is a part of both a mental and physical marriage of ideals that make a person wholly desirable. For example, I couldn't sleep with a woman I wasn't mentally and physically attracted to in some way or another. It just wouldn't happen. For me, to be interested in a woman she has to have both desired qualities. It's easy to find a woman who's attractive. That's not a problem, but it's even more difficult for me to find one that I'm also mentally attracted to. Again, both of these ideals go hand-in-hand in my opinion, so your question does not consider that both ideals are what is, in the grand scheme of things, most desirable.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 09, 2017, 01:34:53 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 11:31:14 AM
Your question is a complicated one and is one I can't properly answer, hence why I initially ignored it, because, for me, attraction is a part of both a mental and physical marriage of ideals that make a person wholly desirable. For example, I couldn't sleep with a woman I wasn't mentally and physically attracted to in some way or another. It just wouldn't happen. For me, to be interested in a woman she has to have both desired qualities. It's easy to find a woman who's attractive. That's not a problem, but it's even more difficult for me to find one that I'm also mentally attracted to. Again, both of these ideals go hand-in-hand in my opinion, so your question does not consider that both ideals are what is, in the grand scheme of things, most desirable.
Ok, thanks for answering my question.

That is what I'm looking for, too. And I agree. Like I said many times before, both physical and mental is important. However, there are two points I'd like to make about this:

1) Saying that there is "no woman out there that can match my ideals." Could you clarify this by being as specific as possible? Because it seems we are looking for the same thing (a physical and mental connection), although with varying characteristics (like I'd be interested in an otaku whereas you'd like someone who introspective and mature, or something).

So how is it any different- that what I'm looking for is unrealistic whereas what you're looking for isn't? I think there are people out there that would be great for us, the only problem is that they are somewhat on the uncommon side/hard to find.


2) Why dismiss wanting to improve physique as shallow when at the same time admitting that the physical aspect is also important? You have to live up physically to what you are looking for physically, after all. But never have I ever said this is the only important thing, if that's what you mean.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 03:12:41 PM
Quote from: greg on April 09, 2017, 01:34:53 PM
Ok, thanks for answering my question.

That is what I'm looking for, too. And I agree. Like I said many times before, both physical and mental is important. However, there are two points I'd like to make about this:

1) Saying that there is "no woman out there that can match my ideals." Could you clarify this by being as specific as possible? Because it seems we are looking for the same thing (a physical and mental connection), although with varying characteristics (like I'd be interested in an otaku whereas you'd like someone who introspective and mature, or something).

So how is it any different- that what I'm looking for is unrealistic whereas what you're looking for isn't? I think there are people out there that would be great for us, the only problem is that they are somewhat on the uncommon side/hard to find.


2) Why dismiss wanting to improve physique as shallow when at the same time admitting that the physical aspect is also important? You have to live up physically to what you are looking for physically, after all. But never have I ever said this is the only important thing, if that's what you mean.

I'll break it down for like this:

1. I never denied nor refuted that being attracted to a woman from a physical standpoint wasn't important. Stop putting words into my mouth. What I said was, for me, I could not just hook up with a woman because I was physically attracted to her, I have to be mentally attracted to her and, even then, I wouldn't sleep with her right away, because I'm not someone who 'has to have it' 24/7 like many guys do. No, that's not my thing nor is it a reflection of who I am or how I was raised.

2. What I said in terms of what you're looking is unrealistic because anyone with eyes can go back in this thread and in many of the threads where you post about women and see that you have some kind of idealized view of what you're attracted to when, in reality, you don't actually know what you like until that magic moment happens. Needless to say, it hasn't happened for you yet or else we wouldn't be talking about it. ;)

3. I never dismissed trying to get into shape and exercising. This is, yet again, you putting words into my mouth and not reading what I actually wrote. What I said was that the physical nature of a relationship is only half the battle. Physical relationships never last and if they do, they're as faceless and meaningless anything that could have been imagined. Like I said, now I'm just a broken record, without the physical and mental connection, you have nothing. Period.

Anyway, as much as I'm ready for you not read what I wrote and just say whatever the hell you want (as you often do). ;) It's dinner time. Peace out. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 09, 2017, 04:32:30 PM
We're pretty much agreeing on everything and you are doing/thinking the same things, so your reactions are a bit odd, that's why I was trying to figure them out.

"Physical is half the battle"/partially important for a relationship = me saying I want to work out more is "shallow". Strange reaction IMO.

Idealized view = preferences/standards = everyone has them, including you. So?


You don't have to answer at this point, just trying to express some confusion, since I don't see the logical progression from left to right here.



Quote from: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 11:13:45 AM
As for my own endeavors, I've got a date with a woman I met at a grocery store today. I'm not sure when we'll get together, but she seems pretty sweet.
Good to hear. Good luck.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 05:24:57 PM
Quote from: greg on April 09, 2017, 04:32:30 PM
We're pretty much agreeing on everything and you are doing/thinking the same things, so your reactions are a bit odd, that's why I was trying to figure them out.

"Physical is half the battle"/partially important for a relationship = me saying I want to work out more is "shallow". Strange reaction IMO.

Idealized view = preferences/standards = everyone has them, including you. So?


You don't have to answer at this point, just trying to express some confusion, since I don't see the logical progression from left to right here.


Good to hear. Good luck.

Greg, I never said that you working out and wanting to get into shape is shallow. Go back and read what I wrote. The only one confusing things is you, my friend. Like I said, if you want to work out and get into shape. That's great! Again, I never said anything negative about it. What I did say is that looking great isn't the only criteria one should use when looking for a woman. Physicality on its own is nothing without an intellectual connection. That's ALL I'm saying about that. You can go back and read what you want to in my posts, but I believe I was pretty clear. Anyway, thanks in regards to my date, she seems like a nice woman, but I'm not expecting anything other than this is merely a preliminary kind of thing for now (as it should be).
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 09, 2017, 06:10:12 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 05:24:57 PM
Greg, I never said that you working out and wanting to get into shape is shallow.
My bad, the word was "superficial." As a response to the whole post.

See:
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 09:06:37 AM
Greg, always the one for the superficial.... ::)
If it was directed at a single point that I made, I would not know.


Quote from: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 05:24:57 PM
Again, I never said anything negative about it. What I did say is that looking great isn't the only criteria one should use when looking for a woman. Physicality on its own is nothing without an intellectual connection. That's ALL I'm saying about that.
I never wrote that, either, that it was the only critieria. Unless there is somewhere I said that that can be quoted?

It just seems like what you're thinking is that I was implying something more than what I was saying, which was not the case.



Quote from: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 05:24:57 PM
Anyway, thanks in regards to my date, she seems like a nice woman, but I'm not expecting anything other than this is merely a preliminary kind of thing for now (as it should be).
Definitely a good mindset to have.
And staring at that Takemitsu avatar is making me want to listen to Takemitsu.  :P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 06:24:55 PM
Quote from: greg on April 09, 2017, 06:10:12 PM
My bad, the word was "superficial." As a response to the whole post.

See:If it was directed at a single point that I made, I would not know.

I never wrote that, either, that it was the only critieria. Unless there is somewhere I said that that can be quoted?

It just seems like what you're thinking is that I was implying something more than what I was saying, which was not the case.


Definitely a good mindset to have.
And staring at that Takemitsu avatar is making me want to listen to Takemitsu.  :P

The 'superficial' remark was meant to be snarky, but I suppose a smiley face wouldn't have hurt, eh? ;) Let's not take this any further. Thanks and funnily enough, I was actually wearing my Takemitsu shirt when I asked this woman out. The Takemitsuian zen session I had beforehand really worked wonders as well. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 09, 2017, 07:14:09 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 06:24:55 PM
The 'superficial' remark was meant to be snarky, but I suppose a smiley face wouldn't have hurt, eh? ;) Let's not take this any further. Thanks and funnily enough, I was actually wearing my Takemitsu shirt when I asked this woman out. The Takemitsuian zen session I had beforehand really worked wonders as well. 8)
Gotcha.  8)
Takemitsu shirt, eh? Cool... There was a guy who used to post here, Mikkel, who used to wear a Penderecki shirt. That should be a thing at classical concerts- composer t-shirts. And in general.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 09, 2017, 07:25:36 PM
Quote from: greg on April 09, 2017, 07:14:09 PM
Gotcha.  8)
Takemitsu shirt, eh? Cool... There was a guy who used to post here, Mikkel, who used to wear a Penderecki shirt. That should be a thing at classical concerts- composer t-shirts. And in general.

Yes, indeed. I now have 7 composer shirts: Shostakovich, Takemitsu, Sibelius, Ives, Bartok, and Schoenberg. I have a Nielsen one on the way.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 12, 2017, 07:29:21 AM
So I decided to pass on the date I had with the lady I met at the grocery store. She's nice enough, but we spoke a bit on the phone the other day and we have as much in common as I have with a rabbi.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 12, 2017, 07:36:29 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 12, 2017, 07:29:21 AM
So I decided to pass on the date I had with the lady I met at the grocery store. She's nice enough, but we spoke a bit on the phone the other day and we have as much in common as I have with a rabbi.

MI taking the disappointment in his stride by calling it like it is.

:laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 12, 2017, 07:40:03 AM
Quote from: NikF on April 12, 2017, 07:36:29 AM
MI taking the disappointment in his stride by calling it like it is.

:laugh:

Yes, indeed. I figured I'd save us both time and effort. ;)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 12, 2017, 07:45:34 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 12, 2017, 07:40:03 AM
Yes, indeed. I figured I'd save us both time and effort. ;)

I'm sure you let her down with care, but I want to believe that during the call you said something like "...you're certainly nice, but I simply feel we have as much in common as I have with a rabbi." ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 12, 2017, 06:16:37 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 12, 2017, 07:29:21 AM
So I decided to pass on the date I had with the lady I met at the grocery store. She's nice enough, but we spoke a bit on the phone the other day and we have as much in common as I have with a rabbi.
I know that feeling.

That one girl I used to work with I'd tell my friends she was the prettiest girl I've known- so they'd say, "So why haven't you asked her out yet?" And even my parents, when they saw her one day, came home and said, "Who is that girl at the register? She's so pretty! You should ask her out!" But I never did... just didn't feel like I had anything in common with her. Like, what the hell would we even talk about?  :-\

After next month, every single person that I interact with on a daily basis will be married, because the lady I work with all day is getting married. They're mostly my age or slightly older. Only one guy, who I occasionally talk with (at work), I know isn't married.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 12, 2017, 06:25:08 PM
Quote from: NikF on April 12, 2017, 07:45:34 AM
I'm sure you let her down with care, but I want to believe that during the call you said something like "...you're certainly nice, but I simply feel we have as much in common as I have with a rabbi." ;D

I let her down easy of course and I was quite cordial with her during the whole conversation, but that would have been something if I actually did say that to her...lol.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 12, 2017, 06:26:44 PM
Quote from: greg on April 12, 2017, 06:16:37 PM
I know that feeling.

That one girl I used to work with I'd tell my friends she was the prettiest girl I've known- so they'd say, "So why haven't you asked her out yet?" And even my parents, when they saw her one day, came home and said, "Who is that girl at the register? She's so pretty! You should ask her out!" But I never did... just didn't feel like I had anything in common with her. Like, what the hell would we even talk about?  :-\

After next month, every single person that I interact with on a daily basis will be married, because the lady I work with all day is getting married. They're mostly my age or slightly older. Only one guy, who I occasionally talk with (at work), I know isn't married.

It's actually better that you didn't go out with her because you'd just be leading her on believing there might be a chance for something to happen when, in reality, there never was, so a good move on your part for sure. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 12, 2017, 06:38:38 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 12, 2017, 06:26:44 PM
It's actually better that you didn't go out with her because you'd just be leading her on believing there might be a chance for something to happen when, in reality, there never was, so a good move on your part for sure. 8)
Maybe. Though being around guys other could have saved her life.  :(
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on April 15, 2017, 02:24:35 AM
Not much going on in my life as far as dating is concerned. I'm still hanging out with Blulabelle, but being even busier than usual at the moment means meeting someone new isn't at the top of my list. Then again, it's not possible to know when or where I'm going to run into someone cool, but I'm always prepared for it happening as I go about my day anyway.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 21, 2017, 04:37:23 PM
Just now, yet again, two girls in the manga section at the bookstore. Except this time they were definitely some good looking ones.

Talking about a bunch of anime, including Space Dandy and Evangelion. I had something to say about both, but didn't.

Just so much pressure I feel to say something so it just makes me lock up. It's kind of when I used to do a lot of lucid dreaming and I'd see a girl and most of the time I'd just panic and the dream would end (though SOMETIMES I was able to relax). I don't know if I have some anxiety issues or what.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 21, 2017, 04:58:27 PM
Now that I think about it, I think the only way to talk is to make sure to tell myself NOT to talk. The only thing that will lead to is me thinking "Pssshhh... why the hell not, I do what I wanna b***," and then I can relax.

My subconscious is the most rebellious and crazy thing. If I try to something good, it will rebel strongly. Sometimes I can be around people and think how awful/inappropriate it would be if I started crying. And then the whole time I am struggling not to cry. Or at meetings or formal occasions where everyone is serious, I can't help but start making jokes to myself and trying to hold back laughter. Idk wtf is wrong with my mind.



P.S. never invite me to a funeral or a wedding.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 21, 2017, 08:00:22 PM
Damn, Greg. You should've asked one of them out or both of them. ;) You are your own worst enemy at the end of the day. If you would approach them casually with a good smile and a joking kind of demeanor, you may be surprised by the results. If they both said 'no', then oh well move onto someone else. I can't tell you how many times I've been rejected, but that's just a part of it. Yesterday, this junior in college invited me back to her sorority house for a party and she was flirting with me like nobody's business, but what did I do? I told her "Take care." I just wasn't interested. There's much more to life than getting laid or having a quick roll in the sack with someone I don't know. I'm looking for the real thing and a horny college student just doesn't interest me anymore. When I was in my early 20s, I'd be all over that, but things have changed as I've gotten older.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 21, 2017, 09:13:16 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 21, 2017, 08:00:22 PM
If you would approach them casually with a good smile and a joking kind of demeanor, you may be surprised by the results.
I wouldn't be surprised if either or both of them were interested.

It's just that reverse psychology works extremely well when I use it on myself. If I feel a sort of strong pressure to "have to" do something (other than anything life-critical, like driving safely), there will be problems.

I can think of so many examples of this, even when I was really, really little. It's so far back that I'm convinced it's biological. Here's one: When I was in pre-school, my parents asked if the name of my invisible friend "Hey" was "Hey" or "Hay." It was really "Hey," but I told them it was "Hay." Only because at that moment I felt like I really felt a strong urge to tell the truth, but I just couldn't for some reason. It was that same exact feeling of just locking up, like what I experienced today.

I couldn't sleep the entire night Sunday because I really wanted to, more than ever, make sure I started the week off right by getting enough sleep. And it just backfires in the worst way possible.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 21, 2017, 09:31:32 PM
Quote from: greg on April 21, 2017, 09:13:16 PM
I wouldn't be surprised if either or both of them were interested.

It's just that reverse psychology works extremely well when I use it on myself. If I feel a sort of strong pressure to "have to" do something (other than anything life-critical, like driving safely), there will be problems.

I can think of so many examples of this, even when I was really, really little. It's so far back that I'm convinced it's biological. Here's one: When I was in pre-school, my parents asked if the name of my invisible friend "Hey" was "Hey" or "Hay." It was really "Hey," but I told them it was "Hay." Only because at that moment I felt like I really felt a strong urge to tell the truth, but I just couldn't for some reason. It was that same exact feeling of just locking up, like what I experienced today.

I couldn't sleep the entire night Sunday because I really wanted to, more than ever, make sure I started the week off right by getting enough sleep. And it just backfires in the worst way possible.

You need to get out more and I'll just leave it at that. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 22, 2017, 03:17:31 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 21, 2017, 09:31:32 PM
You need to get out more and I'll just leave it at that. :)
But do you ever go out?  :-X :D

I went out this afternoon and played some basketball at my park, but I got bored because I had no one to play with. So I went to the other park and ended up playing a few games against a guy probably around my age, even match (2-2 wins/losses). I'll probably try to go back, maybe I'll see him again. Then these kids wanted me to play with them... that was really unfair, I almost felt bad lol.

I realize explanation now completely. I CAN'T BE RUSHED. When I saw that guy, not gonna lie- I was in a pretty desperate state of mind wanting someone to play with. It had been too long. I shot around with him for about 20 minutes and didn't really say much at all before I asked him if he wanted to play HORSE. I think doing that just makes my mind more relaxed and at ease so I can chill and talk normally.

When those girls were talking about various anime, there's like 5 seconds to respond or it becomes weird if you talk after that. Kind of a rushed feeling.

Not really a problem unique to me, though, I don't think. People often use alcohol to calm down at parties/social gatherings. And a lot of people have a hard time falling asleep if they have to be up early (my dad has a HUGE problem with this and my friend admitted to having difficulties with this). It all amounts to their subconscious mind rebelling against their conscious mind barking orders- "HURRY UP AND RELAX!")  ;D

I think the term for this is "Performance Anxiety."
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 28, 2017, 07:32:32 PM
This thread has been awfully quiet since Nik hasn't been around much lately.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on April 30, 2017, 11:25:33 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 28, 2017, 07:32:32 PM
This thread has been awfully quiet since Nik hasn't been much lately.
Yep.

The more I think about it, though, it's not so bad being alone. The pros actually slightly outweigh the cons, if you actually stop to think about it.

Unfortunately, it still seems my mom has some hopes, as every time she mentions me to "maybe go out and meet someone." So that will be the worst part of it, if I ever feel the need to tell her to just let go any expectations she has.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on April 30, 2017, 12:22:17 PM
Quote from: greg on April 30, 2017, 11:25:33 AM
Yep.

The more I think about it, though, it's not so bad being alone. The pros actually slightly outweigh the cons, if you actually stop to think about it.

Unfortunately, it still seems my mom has some hopes, as every time she mentions me to "maybe go out and meet someone." So that will be the worst part of it, if I ever feel the need to tell her to just let go any expectations she has.

Being alone does have a few benefits, but, ultimately, I do want to have a relationship with a woman as I don't really want to be alone since life is better enjoyed when you're with someone. Like, for example, I really enjoyed my time with Kate (the Thai woman I was seeing), but if things had worked out and she had more things in her life in order, then she might have been the one for me as she genuinely made me happy and feel good. Of course, I couldn't get past many of the issues I had, which led me to break it off with her. Anyway, this kind of happiness I'm talking about doesn't happen when you're alone. I mean sure I can entertain myself and keep busy and enjoy my alone time, but my greatest fear is the road ahead and shadowy path that is obscured from my view doesn't seem too fulfilling.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 01, 2017, 04:59:38 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on April 30, 2017, 12:22:17 PM
Being alone does have a few benefits, but, ultimately, I do want to have a relationship with a woman as I don't really want to be alone since life is better enjoyed when you're with someone. Like, for example, I really enjoyed my time with Kate (the Thai woman I was seeing), but if things had worked out and she had more things in her life in order, then she might have been the one for me as she genuinely made me happy and feel good. Of course, I couldn't get past many of the issues I had, which led me to break it off with her. Anyway, this kind of happiness I'm talking about doesn't happen when you're alone. I mean sure I can entertain myself and keep busy and enjoy my alone time, but my greatest fear is the road ahead and shadowy path that is obscured from my view doesn't seem too fulfilling.

Try not to worry about the future. It's not here yet and in the meantime there's lots of cool stuff to do. :)

I've no dating updates to post. I'm still attending to other things and it'll probably be at least a few weeks more before I'm done with them. But as I wrote in my previous post, you can never tell who/what/where you're going to encounter. So at all times I'm remaining in my default state of  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 01, 2017, 05:20:41 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 01, 2017, 04:59:38 PM
Try not to worry about the future. It's not here yet and in the meantime there's lots of cool stuff to do. :)

I've no dating updates to post. I'm still attending to other things and it'll probably be at least a few weeks more before I'm done with them. But as I wrote in my previous post, you can never tell who/what/where you're going to encounter. So at all times I'm remaining in my default state of  8)

That's true. Good to see you're doing good, Nik. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 01, 2017, 08:13:22 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 01, 2017, 05:20:41 PM
That's true. Good to see you're doing good, Nik. 8)

Thanks. :)

Since not a lot is happening in the thread at the moment I was thinking of asking those who have a story or account of 'the one that got away' if they'd be interested in posting it. ;D I have such a story from way far back when I was in my 20s, but I'll wait and see if anyone else wants to post their own first.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 01, 2017, 08:16:10 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 01, 2017, 08:13:22 PM
Thanks. :)

Since not a lot is happening in the thread at the moment I was thinking of asking those who have a story or account of 'the one that got away' if they'd be interested in posting it. ;D I have such a story from way far back when I was in my 20s, but I'll wait and see if anyone else wants to post their own first.

Yes, I always love to read those kinds of stories, too. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 01, 2017, 08:18:43 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 01, 2017, 08:16:10 PM
Yes, I always love to read those kinds of stories, too. :)

Good. ;D In fact, any relationship/dating/encounter tales would be cool.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 01, 2017, 08:22:15 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 01, 2017, 08:18:43 PM
Good. ;D In fact, any relationship/dating/encounter tales would be cool.  8)

Absolutely. Well, I've got something brewing right now, but I won't share the tale until I have some definite answers, so stay tuned. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 01, 2017, 08:33:51 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 01, 2017, 08:22:15 PM
Absolutely. Well, I've got something brewing right now, but I won't share the tale until I have some definite answers, so stay tuned. 8)

Good stuff.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 03, 2017, 09:34:04 PM
I'm going into town today to get a woman's phone number. I'm almost 100% sure she'll give it to me without me even asking.  8)
If I get it I'll post about how/why I didn't get it immediately after we first met. If I don't get it I'll pretend it never happened and will never mention it ever again. ;D

e: As expected, I got her number. And I never really doubted that I would.  8) :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 06:05:33 AM
Quote from: NikF on May 03, 2017, 09:34:04 PM
I'm going into town today to get a woman's phone number. I'm almost 100% sure she'll give it to me without me even asking.  8)
If I get it I'll post about how/why I didn't get it immediately after we first met. If I don't get it I'll pretend it never happened and will never mention it ever again. ;D

e: As expected, I got her number. And I never really doubted that I would.  8) :laugh:

Excellent to hear, Nik. Good luck! Yes, you should definitely tell us why you didn't want her number immediately.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: PerfectWagnerite on May 04, 2017, 06:42:57 AM
Quote from: NikF on May 03, 2017, 09:34:04 PM
I'm going into town today to get a woman's phone number. I'm almost 100% sure she'll give it to me without me even asking.  8)
If I get it I'll post about how/why I didn't get it immediately after we first met. If I don't get it I'll pretend it never happened and will never mention it ever again. ;D

e: As expected, I got her number. And I never really doubted that I would.  8) :laugh:
Good for you. I hear that within the first minute of first meeting a woman she has more or less decided whether you have any chance of getting pass second base or not. Any truth to that?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on May 04, 2017, 06:49:56 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 01, 2017, 08:22:15 PM
Absolutely. Well, I've got something brewing right now, but I won't share the tale until I have some definite answers, so stay tuned. 8)
Yes, we need to know.  8)
Hope it goes well.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 04, 2017, 07:28:32 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 06:05:33 AM
Excellent to hear, Nik.

Thanks.  :) Any updates for you yet?

Quote
Yes, you should definitely tell us why you didn't want her number immediately.

She's the manageress of a clothing store. I'd gone in to buy some stuff but they didn't have everything in my size due to me being a shortarse. So l decided to order it. I was going to approach her for help but she blanked me with a look that was either 'I am interested but playing hard to get and so ignoring you for now' or 'I find you truly repugnant on a number of levels'.  ;D Anyway, she has what appears to be a great body, pretty face, and a fine sneer - I imagine guys hit on her on a fairly regular basis - and I wouldn't mind dating her.

So, one of the assistants ordered it for me and I arranged to collect it the next day instead of having it delivered. When I returned an assistant went to get it from the stockroom, but the manageress took it from her. I was still in two minds but was thinking of asking for her number anyway just for the hell of it.
She was chatting as she handed my order over but was being quite formal. The bags were sealed and I'm standing there with one in each hand. She made out a receipt and I said I couldn't take it because my hands were full. So she leaned way over the counter and tucked the receipt into the breast pocket of my (pink 8) ) T-shirt and then slowly kind of patted it flat. But the thing is, she did all that with her eyes locked on mine throughout and we ended up with our faces only inches apart. ;D I didn't want to ask for her number right then. But I went in today and spoke to her ("... I've just come back in today to get your number") and she gave me it. :) I'll call her tomorrow and arrange something.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 04, 2017, 07:31:47 AM
Quote from: PerfectWagnerite on May 04, 2017, 06:42:57 AM
Good for you. I hear that within the first minute of first meeting a woman she has more or less decided whether you have any chance of getting pass second base or not. Any truth to that?

I'd say usually, yes. I can't say for sure 100%. And not all women are the same. But going by my own experience I'd say that yes, most women kind of know from the outset if they find a man attractive enough to sleep with. But even then, it can quickly change quite dramatically based on any number of (sometimes trivial) things. And I think that throws a lot of guys sometimes and can lead to stuff like "What happened? We really hit it off, but then she suddenly flaked on me..." Most women are more likely to jump from yes to no than a man is.
Again, that's only my experience.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 07:57:12 AM
Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 07:28:32 AMThanks.  :) Any updates for you yet?

Nope, I'm still in the brewing stage. ;)

Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 07:28:32 AMShe's the manageress of a clothing store. I'd gone in to buy some stuff but they didn't have everything in my size due to me being a shortarse. So l decided to order it. I was going to approach her for help but she blanked me with a look that was either 'I am interested but playing hard to get and so ignoring you for now' or 'I find you truly repugnant on a number of levels'.  ;D Anyway, she has what appears to be a great body, pretty face, and a fine sneer - I imagine guys hit on her on a fairly regular basis - and I wouldn't mind dating her.

So, one of the assistants ordered it for me and I arranged to collect it the next day instead of having it delivered. When I returned an assistant went to get it from the stockroom, but the manageress took it from her. I was still in two minds but was thinking of asking for her number anyway just for the hell of it.
She was chatting as she handed my order over but was being quite formal. The bags were sealed and I'm standing there with one in each hand. She made out a receipt and I said I couldn't take it because my hands were full. So she leaned way over the counter and tucked the receipt into the breast pocket of my (pink 8) ) T-shirt and then slowly kind of patted it flat. But the thing is, she did all that with her eyes locked on mine throughout and we ended up with our faces only inches apart. ;D I didn't want to ask for her number right then. But I went in today and spoke to her ("... I've just come back in today to get your number") and she gave me it. :) I'll call her tomorrow and arrange something.

That's great, man! I hope it goes well for you. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on May 04, 2017, 05:05:14 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 07:31:47 AM
I'd say usually, yes. I can't say for sure 100%. And not all women are the same. But going by my own experience I'd say that yes, most women kind of know from the outset if they find a man attractive enough to sleep with. But even then, it can quickly change quite dramatically based on any number of (sometimes trivial) things. And I think that throws a lot of guys sometimes and can lead to stuff like "What happened? We really hit it off, but then she suddenly flaked on me..." Most women are more likely to jump from yes to no than a man is.
Again, that's only my experience.
I have no idea about the last part, but I think this is accurate. Potential is decided really quick (among anyone).
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: PerfectWagnerite on May 04, 2017, 06:04:00 PM
Quote from: greg on May 04, 2017, 05:05:14 PM
I have no idea about the last part, but I think this is accurate. Potential is decided really quick (among anyone).
not sure about you guys but i have nevet seen a woman who is remotely attractive that i am not thinking about bagging. Whether or not those feelings are reciprocated is another matter.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 06:10:14 PM
Quote from: PerfectWagnerite on May 04, 2017, 06:04:00 PM
not sure about you guys but i have nevet seen a woman who is remotely attractive that i am not thinking about bagging. Whether or not those feelings are reciprocated is another matter.

Goodness, this is definitely me. I see an incredibly attractive woman and all I can think is "I'd love to sleep with her." I'm such a dog. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on May 04, 2017, 06:25:41 PM
Are these women that you guys actually talk to or just see? Because sometimes I'll definitely notice someone who looks just the way I like, but it's not like I'll end up thinking about her.

And then there was one girl I got to talk to, who was HR for a company at the job fair I went to last year- all I could think about afterwards was her for the rest of the day. Her looks were good, but it wasn't that- her bright, cheerful personality was something I was really attracted- quite the opposite of how I am. It wasn't the feeling of "oh, I'd love to hit that," but more like being in love. I spoke to her for only about 5 minutes. I can't remember any other time where I felt something like that in such a short amount of time.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: PerfectWagnerite on May 04, 2017, 06:27:45 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 06:10:14 PM
Goodness, this is definitely me. I see an incredibly attractive woman and all I can think is "I'd love to sleep with her." I'm such a dog. ;D
i am not as selective, as long as she has nice skin and is not overly skinny or fat will so, no Kate Beckinsale requires...maybe just Amy Adams ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: PerfectWagnerite on May 04, 2017, 06:29:07 PM
Quote from: greg on May 04, 2017, 06:25:41 PM
Are these women that you guys actually talk to or just see? Because sometimes I'll definitely notice someone who looks just the way I like, but it's not like I'll end up thinking about her.

And then there was one girl I got to talk to, who was HR for a company at the job fair I went to last year- all I could think about afterwards was her for the rest of the day. Her looks were good, but it wasn't that- her bright, cheerful personality was something I was really attracted- quite the opposite of how I am. It wasn't the feeling of "oh, I'd love to hit that," but more like being in love. I spoke to her for only about 5 minutes. I can't remember any other time where I felt something like that in such a short amount of time.
i try sometimes but cat has my tongue mostly and they think i am dorky.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 04, 2017, 06:31:29 PM
Quote from: PerfectWagnerite on May 04, 2017, 06:04:00 PM
not sure about you guys but i have nevet seen a woman who is remotely attractive that i am not thinking about bagging. Whether or not those feelings are reciprocated is another matter.

Yeah, I'm interested in sleeping with attractive women. It's one of my favourite pastimes. ;D But when it comes down to dating, it's not as simple as that and there's often a clear difference in how men and women view it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 04, 2017, 06:35:33 PM
What I mean is, a young man or even an older but inexperienced man might be inclined to think in terms of "Well, she's a 6 and I'm a 7 who can sometimes attract an 8" or "I'm only average looking and skinny as hell, but I'm educated and so that raises me more into that hot girl's league" and all that BS. That's all crap. That's the thinking of an immature teenager. Whereas a woman is more likely to keep it to 'would/would not f--k'. The difference can be like night and day sometimes.

That's one of the reasons I believe men should go out and date as many women as possible, even if they're not sure that they're 100% compatible or have lots in common or are hugely physically attracted. They need real-life experience. And if they don't get it they often end up losing sight of reality and making up reasons for their failure and attributing rules to stuff where there are none. The next thing you know it's reduced to "Well, she made eye contact and twirled her hair while pointing her feet at me and I've consulted the Internet and it told me that those are signs she's interested in me" when the fact is that if they dated women once in a while instead of just talking about it they would have a better idea of the truth.

I mean, even if a man has dated women he's not at all sure about liking or being attracted to he'll eventually find one (or more) who are totally into him and make their interest clear. And that is then his frame of reference for when he meets other women in the future. Then he can compare that interest with the behaviour shown by a woman he's actually interested in. Remember in the past how easy a woman has made it when she wants to date you? Or how clear she made it that she wants to f--k you? How she was maybe blowing your phone up with texts or had the habit of appearing at places you go to? Or how she contacted you months after you called it off? Yeah? There's your experience. There's your frame of reference.

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 06:41:26 PM
Quote from: PerfectWagnerite on May 04, 2017, 06:27:45 PM
i am not as selective, as long as she has nice skin and is not overly skinny or fat will so, no Kate Beckinsale requires...maybe just Amy Adams ;D

Well, if a woman catches my eye then this usually means I'm attracted to her and 9 times out of 10 she has all the requirements to be a model. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: PerfectWagnerite on May 04, 2017, 06:42:21 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 06:35:33 PM
What I mean is, a young man or even an older but inexperienced man might be inclined to think in terms of "Well, she's a 6 and I'm a 7 who can sometimes attract an 8" or "I'm only average looking and skinny as hell, but I'm educated and so that raises me more into that hot girl's league" and all that BS. That's all crap. That's the thinking of an immature teenager. Whereas a woman is more likely to keep it to 'would/would not f--k'. The difference can be like night and day sometimes.

That's one of the reasons I believe men should go out and date as many women as possible, even if they're not sure that they're 100% compatible or have lots in common or are hugely physically attracted. They need real-life experience. And if they don't get it they often end up losing sight of reality and making up reasons for their failure and attributing rules to stuff where there are none. The next thing you know it's reduced to "Well, she made eye contact and twirled her hair while pointing her feet at me and I've consulted the Internet and it told me that those are signs she's interested in me" when the fact is that if they dated women once in a while instead of just talking about it they would have a better idea of the truth.

I mean, even if a man has dated women he's not at all sure about liking or being attracted to he'll eventually find one (or more) who are totally into him and make their interest clear. And that is then his frame of reference for when he meets other women in the future. Then he can compare that interest with the behaviour shown by a woman he's actually interested in. Remember in the past how easy a woman has made it when she wants to date you? Or how clear she made it that she wants to f--k you? How she was maybe blowing your phone up with texts or had the habit of appearing at places you go to? Or how she contacted you months after you called it off? Yeah? There's your experience. There's your frame of reference.
interesting...but there are women that i can tell is totally out of my league, even witjout trying or any frame of reference.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 04, 2017, 06:56:24 PM
Quote from: PerfectWagnerite on May 04, 2017, 06:42:21 PM
interesting...but there are women that i can tell is totally out of my league, even witjout trying or any frame of reference.

Fair enough. :) That's your experience. I always point out that I can only speak for myself. And I don't think about stuff like leagues, because my own experience has been that nothing is written in stone.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 07:01:39 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 06:56:24 PM
Fair enough. :) That's your experience. I always point out that I can only speak for myself. And I don't think about stuff like leagues, because my own experience has been that nothing is written in stone.

I always go for women 'out of my league'. That's what makes these things so interesting and yet a challenge at the same time.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 04, 2017, 07:19:18 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 06:41:26 PM
Well, if a woman catches my eye then this usually means I'm attracted to her and 9 times out of 10 she has all the requirements to be a model. :)
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 07:01:39 PM
I always go for women 'out of my league'. That's what makes these things so interesting and yet a challenge at the same time.

You know how much value I place on having real-life experience of stuff as opposed to "Here's the way I think it is", yeah? My experience is that models tend to date other models or those of similar looks. And I'm talking about agency represented models who earn a living from modelling, not some chick who plays dress-up for fanboys. Beautiful women date handsome men. Most of the time. Maybe 99.9% of the time. But not absolutely all of the time. :) That's my real-life experience. So, keep that in mind the next time you think anyone might be out of your league for any reason.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 07:22:31 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 07:19:18 PM
You know how much value I place on having real-life experience of stuff as opposed to "Here's the way I think it is", yeah? My experience is that models tend to date other models or those of similar looks. And I'm talking about agency represented models who earn a living from modelling, not some chick who plays dress-up for fanboys. Beautiful women date handsome men. Most of the time. Maybe 99.9% of the time. But not absolutely all of the time. :) That's my real-life experience. So, keep that in mind the next time you think anyone might be out of your league for any reason.  8)

Yeah, I think the whole idea of 'out of my league' is ridiculous. If you desire someone and they feel the same as you, then everything else doesn't even matter.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 04, 2017, 07:38:28 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 07:22:31 PM
Yeah, I think the whole idea of 'out of my league' is ridiculous. If you desire someone and they feel the same as you, then everything else doesn't even matter.

Yeah, that's it. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 08:35:59 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 07:38:28 PM
Yeah, that's it. :)

Of course, there are those women who believe they are better than you and won't give you the time of day. Those are the women that will never be truly happy.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 04, 2017, 08:51:11 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 08:35:59 PM
Of course, there are those women who believe they are better than you and won't give you the time of day. Those are the women that will never be truly happy.

That's probably true, yes. They'll never be happy. But it's something that a lot of guys get hung up on. They whine about it like "Women always ask 'Where are all the good men?' - well, we're here and you won't give us a chance!" So what? If a woman doesn't give me the time of day, so what? And if she complains that she can't find a good/honest/faithful man, so what? It's her life and it's her time to spend doing or complaining about whatever she wants. And it's none of my business.
I live my own life to the fullest as much as possible. And I'm not interested in investing any of my time in what anyone else thinks.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on May 04, 2017, 09:14:08 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 06:35:33 PM
That's one of the reasons I believe men should go out and date as many women as possible, even if they're not sure that they're 100% compatible or have lots in common or are hugely physically attracted. They need real-life experience.
I agree there's a benefit of real life experience, but this sounds like the dumbest thing to do. Why fake being interested? Don't we do enough faking in our daily lives, at work and around others just to get through it all?

I've turned down many women, and yeah, that means I've turned down chances of many experiences, but I don't regret any of it at all. The problem is, if you were to date someone just for the sake of experience, they can get attached and get their hopes up when you were just faking all along. And how in the world can you make yourself kiss someone when you aren't really feeling like it?

(now, if you don't mean 100% compatible, but more like 70%-80%, that may be enough  :P)

But if this works for you, good. No problem with it. I just think it's very, very weird and will never understand it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 09:23:58 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 08:51:11 PM
That's probably true, yes. They'll never be happy. But it's something that a lot of guys get hung up on. They whine about it like "Women always ask 'Where are all the good men?' - well, we're here and you won't give us a chance!" So what? If a woman doesn't give me the time of day, so what? And if she complains that she can't find a good/honest/faithful man, so what? It's her life and it's her time to spend doing or complaining about whatever she wants. And it's none of my business.
I live my own life to the fullest as much as possible. And I'm not interested in investing any of my time in what anyone else thinks.

Yep, I don't get hung up in what other people think either. It's my life, not theirs.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 04, 2017, 09:32:58 PM
Quote from: greg on May 04, 2017, 09:14:08 PM
I agree there's a benefit of real life experience, but this sounds like the dumbest thing to doDly lives, at work and around others just to get through it all?

I've turned down many women, and yeah, that means I've turned down chances of many experiences, but I don't regret any of it at all. The problem is, if you were to date someone just for the sake of experience, they can get attached and get their hopes up when you were just faking all along. And how in the world can you make yourself kiss someone when you aren't really feeling like it?

(now, if you don't mean 100% compatible, but more like 70%-80%, that may be enough  :P)

But if this works for you, good. No problem with it. I just think it's very, very weird and will never understand it.

No. I never mentioned faking it. I'm saying go out and spend time with women. No expectations, no promises, no great loss. A lot of guys know very little about women. An example: overestimating the risk of a woman getting attached or getting her hopes up. ;D
Again, it's not about 'faking' it. It's about doing something rather than sitting and doing nothing, but believing that's somehow going to equip oneself for successful dating and maybe eventually a happy and health long-term relationship.



Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 04, 2017, 09:57:56 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 09:23:58 PM
Yep, I don't get hung in what other people think either. It's my life, not theirs.

That's how to do it. Be responsible for your own happiness and fulfillment and success (or failures) in relationships or business or life in general. Just keep moving forward, positively. And one bonus is that there are women who will find that hugely attractive.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 11:03:26 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 09:57:56 PM
That's how to do it. Be responsible for your own happiness and fulfillment and success (or failures) in relationships or business or life in general. Just keep moving forward, positively. And one bonus is that there are women who will find that hugely attractive.

No argument here, Nik. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 04, 2017, 11:25:55 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 04, 2017, 11:03:26 PM
No argument here, Nik. 8)

Indeed -->  8)

And to lighten things up a little; as I said, I was convinced that I was going to get her number and so if possible I was in even more of a confident and self-assured state of mind than usual. ;D So when I left the house I decided against walking my usual route into town, one that takes about 25-30 minutes or so. Instead, with the sun shining on my face I took a longer route, down to the river and along the bank - and I got carried away... Check out the distance I ended up walking -

(http://i.imgur.com/HW9RsK5.jpg)

:laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 05, 2017, 05:41:31 AM
Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 11:25:55 PM
Indeed -->  8)

And to lighten things up a little; as I said, I was convinced that I was going to get her number and so if possible I was in even more of a confident and self-assured state of mind than usual. ;D So when I left the house I decided against walking my usual route into town, one that takes about 25-30 minutes or so. Instead, with the sun shining on my face I took a longer route, down to the river and along the bank - and I got carried away... Check out the distance I ended up walking -

(http://i.imgur.com/HW9RsK5.jpg)

:laugh:

;D You certainly did get carried away.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on May 05, 2017, 03:30:36 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 09:32:58 PM
No. I never mentioned faking it. I'm saying go out and spend time with women. No expectations, no promises, no great loss.
As friends? I've done some of that, though it's extremely hard to do since rarely are they ever single. If they aren't, no way they are hanging with another guy.


Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 09:32:58 PM
An example: overestimating the risk of a woman getting attached or getting her hopes up. ;D
Well... it does happen... even if it's only like a 10% chance, it's good to keep in mind if you plan on dating many women.


Quote from: NikF on May 04, 2017, 09:32:58 PM
Again, it's not about 'faking' it. It's about doing something rather than sitting and doing nothing, but believing that's somehow going to equip oneself for successful dating and maybe eventually a happy and health long-term relationship.
Well, you gotta do the right thing rather than just "something." Being around the type of people you want to be around is really the best way to meet someone you are compatible with, rather than just looking anywhere (which is comes to mind when you say "doing something" rather than "doing nothing").

Also, I don't understand how asking a girl you aren't really interested in on a date not faking it? I mean, I don't really get it. "So why did you ask me on a date?" "Experience... to get to know women better" "..." instead of "I'm interested in you." Lol

I think "successful dating" is mostly about compatibility, rather than having anything to do with dating experience.

I know I'm guilty of doing nothing, often. Just now, for my monthly free dinner/party at my apartment, I just took some food and left. The two times I made an effort to stick around, I ended up having non-exciting conversation with people around me. It is so DAMN TEDIOUS just being there and trying to socialize.

I've always been like this- in middle school, I never made friends at church/youth settings in the gymnasium for that reason ('Youth' meetings). I was so depressed every Wednesday night that my parents made me go, and none of my friends would join. I just can't make friends in a chaotic, loud setting with tons of people, none of who I know. So eventually my parents stopped making me go because I was so miserable being there.

Small class settings where everyone shares the same interests are great- ended up being close friends with literally everyone in my class at one school I went to.




Your attitude of being proactive is good, though. Just seems like it's not good for everyone (not sure if you're implying that or not). Two of my friends met in that same class and have been together over 7 years. They didn't have to go out of their way to meet anyone- just attending class was good enough. They "did nothing" and succeeded.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 05, 2017, 04:12:05 PM
No. You're the one who speaks about faking it : "Don't we do enough faking in our daily lives, at work and around others just to get through it all?" - no, not all of us do. Some people have issues - maybe social anxiety - in which case they should speak to someone about it because they can get help. And we're all liable to going through a bad day and having to just grin and bear it while dearly wanting get home and close the door on the world. But not everyone fakes it, no.

Throughout my posts I'm very careful to use words like 'often' and 'sometimes' or 'most' because I'm aware others have different experiences to my own. But that's the point I'm making, that because I've met and socialised with people and had an open mind about it I've then a frame of reference for these things and it's actually based on real-life.

You mentioned about how difficult it was for you to approach someone to play basketball. And was it you who posted about hearing two girls discussing anime and you wished you could take part? The more you push yourself the more comfortable and easier you'll find those situations to deal with. It might difficult at first, but the rewards are huge and fulfilling.

In any case, like everyone else in the thread who is dating, I hope you find who and what you're looking for.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 05, 2017, 04:22:27 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 05, 2017, 04:12:05 PM
No. You're the one who speaks about faking it : "Don't we do enough faking in our daily lives, at work and around others just to get through it all?" - no, not all of us do. Some people have issues - maybe social anxiety - in which case they should speak to someone about it because they can get help. And we're all liable to going through a bad day and having to just grin and bear it while dearly wanting get home and close the door on the world. But not everyone fakes it, no.

Throughout my posts I'm very careful to use words like 'often' and 'sometimes' or 'most' because I'm aware others have different experiences to my own. But that's the point I'm making, that because I've met and socialised with people and had an open mind about it I've then a frame of reference for these things and it's actually based on real-life.

You mentioned about how difficult it was for you to approach someone to play basketball. And was it you who posted about hearing two girls discussing anime and you wished you could take part? The more you push yourself the more comfortable and easier you'll find those situations to deal with. It might difficult at first, but the rewards are huge and fulfilling.

In any case, like everyone else in the thread who is dating, I hope you find who and what you're looking for.

He'll have to move to Japan to find what he's looking for. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 05, 2017, 04:38:38 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 05, 2017, 04:22:27 PM
He'll have to move to Japan to find what he's looking for. :)

I dated a girl who moved to Japan. She was cute, petite, cool and funny - and had a big mop of hair like a cartoon drawing. ;D Her gig while at Uni was working as a computer janitor.
On our first date I went to pick her up and her flatmate let me in and told me she's in the kitchen. So I went through and found her wearing goggles and holding a drill that appeared about half her size. She was using it to make holes in a number of desktop PC cases lined up on the table, aggressively and seemingly at random. ;D Eventually she got a job in Japan and the last time we spoke (years ago) seemed happy. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 05, 2017, 04:49:33 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 05, 2017, 04:38:38 PM
I dated a girl who moved to Japan. She was cute, petite, cool and funny - and had a big mop of hair like a cartoon drawing. ;D Her gig while at Uni was working as a computer janitor.

On our first date I went to pick her up and her flatmate let me in and told me she's in the kitchen. So I went through and found her wearing goggles and holding a drill that appeared about half her size. She was using it to make holes in a number of desktop PC cases lined up on the table, aggressively and seemingly at random. ;D Eventually she got a job in Japan and the last time we spoke (years ago) seemed happy. :)

Cool. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 05, 2017, 04:52:54 PM
What happened to Thatfabulousalien? Did he move to Japan too? Or was he returned to his own planet? It's so quiet without him.  ;D

e: and I see jessop lurking. What's the story there? Some girl was planning to visit or something? I've lost track of everyone's shenanigans...
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 05, 2017, 04:55:24 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 05, 2017, 04:52:54 PM
What happened to Thatfabulousalien? Did he move to Japan too? Or was he returned to his own planet? It's so quiet without him.  ;D

e: and I see jessop lurking. What's the story there? Some girl was planning to visit or something? I've lost track of everyone's shenanigans...

Your guess would be as good as mine.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on May 05, 2017, 05:53:18 PM
I find this thread interesting to read but I have nothing really to contribute! Everyone here is so totally different to me that I don't know if my thoughts will really be of any interest anyway as I am not someone who is proactive in finding people to go on dates with. It isn't that I don't find people interesting, I just feel as if I wouldn't find a whole lot of time to have this as a regular part of my lifestyle and I don't feel any particular need to get to know people in this way at this stage. I am open for change, however, should my feelings about dating in general change as time goes on.

If you like, I might just update the situation as it is for me:

- Video chatting is great, considering Munich and Melbourne are so far apart it actually doesn't feel like the distance is any sort of 'problem.' I don't think we would actually find much time to go on regular dates even if we were in the same city actually, so I guess it doesn't matter so much how she and I go about things.
- She is an incredibly busy person and has never really considered dating anyone, let alone a relationship, because of that. But for some reason it is a lovely thing to feel happy and plan trips to either country every so often for however long this interaction lasts.
- Also, good old fashioned postal service is a wonderful thing! There is nothing quite like a surprise letter from her.
- When she visits for a few weeks, we are definitely going to see a performance of Lohengrin and some Melbourne Symphony Orchestra concerts as well as a production by the Melbourne Theatre Company (all stuff she is particularly interested in).
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 05, 2017, 06:01:31 PM
Thanks for the update. :)

That all sounds cool. 8) And yes, real handwritten letters are indeed a rare and simple pleasure.
Keep enjoying it. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 06, 2017, 05:53:33 PM
I had my date with the clothing store woman. It was all very pleasant, but I don't believe it will go any further. And it means I wont even benefit from her staff discount on future purchases. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 06, 2017, 06:35:58 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 06, 2017, 05:53:33 PM
I had my date with the clothing store woman. It was all very pleasant, but I don't believe it will go any further. And it means I wont even benefit from her staff discount on future purchases. ;D

Well, that's a shame. Oh well, continue pressing forward!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on May 07, 2017, 05:40:26 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 05, 2017, 04:12:05 PM
The more you push yourself the more comfortable and easier you'll find those situations to deal with.
I have some doubts about this, since I only worked 8 years as a cashier and some days I felt like I was talking nonstop. I got plenty (way too much) practice talking to people I don't know, and I hated 99% of it (the 1% either were friends or somehow we discovered we had similar music tastes, etc.). But it never became easier for me. I got tired of hearing myself talk so much every day and just felt like escaping into my own world all the time.

Perhaps the difference is more situational- it just feels weird talking to strangers sometimes. And then sometimes it doesn't, and I have no problem with it. Idk...

But you could be right. It's probably more of a situational thing more than anything, which requires some practice. Perhaps, I'm just guessing, that the reason why I find it feels so awkward just thinking about talking to strangers in places like, for example, the mall, is that literally no one ever has tried to chat with me at the mall (excluding cashiers when I'm buying something- like today). And I go all the time. The only time I can remember, ever, is when I went with my friend and someone said to us something about some DBZ character that I wasn't familiar with yet at the time.

So perhaps it's just a learned response->no one ever tries to make conversation with me when I'm in certain places, so that makes it feel like I'm breaking social convention by actually talking to someone.

Just a guess, and you may correct.



But probably a complete waste of time to try to figure out "why" sometimes I don't want to talk to people or to analyze it. And "pushing" oneself can also result in being disastrous. Better just to let it happen- that's the bottom line.


Quote from: NikF on May 05, 2017, 04:12:05 PM
And we're all liable to going through a bad day and having to just grin and bear it while dearly wanting get home and close the door on the world.
Dude, that's a good day for me...

a bad day is when I start to obsessively question the point of existence. Thankfully, that's MUCH less common for me nowadays.  :P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on May 07, 2017, 06:09:57 PM
Sometimes I wonder what my parents think... my brother turns 20 in 3 months and hasn't been on a date... and I turn 30 at the end of the year, same here... from what I hear, my brother finds girls he likes, but they are always already taken. Sounds like my parents dated a lot in high school and got married young, then remarried. It's like the complete opposite.

And then my grandma is always asking, "Well, when are ya gonna get married?"  :P

And then everyone I work with is married... which is not cool IMO because that's the biggest barrier to spending time/making friends with others, much more so than being from another country.

It would be nice if less people got married. When people are around their spouses, it seems like they usually just spend all their time with their family. I could even give specific, recent examples of how it's changed when people I know get married or their family returns. And one guy I work with seems like a cool guy that I could hang out with, but he's married. So even if I tried to be friends with him outside of work, I'd seriously doubt it would happen, for that reason alone.

Just random complaining. Carry on.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: eljr on May 08, 2017, 05:05:12 AM
Quote from: NikF on August 05, 2016, 05:43:46 AM
Dating or not dating.

Have someone  in mind for me?   ::)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 11, 2017, 10:37:54 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on May 11, 2017, 07:57:03 PM
I've been on two new forums the past few weeks and I have barely been listening to any classical music. I've been on a metal forum and a type of "all" music forum, found some cool people that like everything from Slayer, to Beethoven, to the Flying Luttenbachers, to Xenakis and Stockhausen, to Enya, to you name it.

I've got a few things in the mix regarding the ladies but nothing I'm ready to discuss, It's a work in progress  ;D

Lets see, Japan? I would like to go there (no, I don't like anime). My own home planet is a blody swamp, I would prefer just to blow up that piece of **** they call a planet, lol  :laugh: I wouldn't go back there if you payed me, Space-Vegas is much better  8)

As long as you're happy. :)

I haven't had time recently to listen to much classical music either (I'm mostly listening to jazz) and I'm temporarily absent from the dating world on account of my priorities at the moment. But I'm still getting hit on once in a while - on Monday a nice woman in a summer dress was giving me a bit of the chat when I stole an hour to sit with a book in the park; apparently a combo of calmness, triceps and Turgenev can be profoundly attractive.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 12, 2017, 11:50:45 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on May 11, 2017, 10:52:46 PM
Regarding the forum or dating?

In regard to the forum or dating or health or life in general. :)


Quote
I'm the kind of person that needs to switch things up now and then, to avoid a feeling of mediocrity or obligation, GMG is a great place with some great people but it's obviously only a select group of regular people. I do kind of feel the people here that actually share specific interests seems to have gone down in the past four months  :-[
But also I get way too busy some days to use the internet, so in that respect I'm also trying to keep focused on my studies too.

The past few weeks for me have mainly been LOTS and LOTS of Folk music, Metal and also noise rock. I'm a classical composer (as most know here) but I'm finding inspiration in those genres at the moment.


It's good to find new sources of inspiration or simply to be moved in some way by a change of scenery.

Quote
Did you get the woman's number or anything?  ;)
I didn't, no. :o She mentioned that she'd seen me reading in the park before (translation: I have noticed you for some time) and so I believe there's a chance I could pick her up in the future. If not? Fair enough.  ;D

Quote
ooohhh, I'm so tempted to talk about this girl I've been flirting with....MUST....RESIST...... :P  ;
Well, the thread is about dating, so feel free to talk about it if/when you want.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 13, 2017, 12:30:55 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on May 13, 2017, 12:24:31 AM
Yeah, I will if something happens but there are a few girls in the works, one in particular that I've been flirting with who feels like potential girlfriend material if we actually talked less formally? you feelin' it?  :laugh:

For now I'll not get ahead of myself and take a step back and not think about it too much.

Yeah, that's it.

Quote
Best of luck Nick  8)

I don't believe in luck, but thanks. :) Take it easy.   8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on May 13, 2017, 01:34:44 PM
So guys, how do you go about making friends or trying to get dates with women?

Looks like I might have made a friend today without even trying.  :P Was looking at tennis raquets so I could play tennis with the guys at work, and this guy starts talking with me for a while and says he'd be interested in joining. So I'll invite him over next time they are playing.

Probably I should do the same and actually start talking to people... what I hear is that although people find their spouses many ways, perhaps the most common is through a network of friends. So it couldn't hurt. Not that I've had success with that- even times where I had far too many friends to spend time with, it never lead to a girlfriend. But having friends really couldn't hurt.

As for talking to women in public, probably just talking is the best thing to do. And not trying to go anywhere with it. If it goes somewhere, it goes somewhere. Problem is I haven't really gotten in that habit in my life since I'm always so wrapped up in my head that regularly starting conversation with strangers will be something I'll just have to gradually work on doing more often.  :P

...

Maybe it hasn't helped that I never really felt like I had to expend any extra energy making friends. I've gone through times where I didn't have many friends, but once time passes, they start coming to me gradually, one by one, like a magnet. And then I don't have time for everyone.  ;D

So that type of experience with friends is not very helpful when looking for a girlfriend.  :-X
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on May 13, 2017, 02:26:57 PM
I guess the reason I'm asking what everyone's approach is is that the few times I have tried to talk to girls in public only because I'm interested in them, I wouldn't know where to go with it. As in, sure, I could ask for a phone number, but in those situations I'd have no reason to and it would only seem like I'm trying to "pick them up." So we'd just talk and then I'd leave.

Perhaps thinking of reasons to hang out with people I meet in public, whether it's a guy or girl, is a good idea... maybe I need to think of reasons to hang out with anyone, for example, that might hang around the manga section at the bookstore or the local anime convention coming in October. That way, if I do get in a conversation with someone, it won't just be us talking and we leave. Having some sort of reason to actually see someone later.

Maybe... I should keep in mind the movie theater at my apartments. Would be a nice place to invite people.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 17, 2017, 01:50:10 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on May 17, 2017, 01:45:53 PM
I'm beginning to feel like I'm living in a movie.  ???  it's really surreal  :o

Tell me more, please?  ???;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 18, 2017, 02:29:48 AM
Okay.  ;D

I hope you get the sleeping firmly back on track. And that you're eating properly and keeping yourself hydrated.  :)

Also, if you get her number or a date, that you do so to a soundtrack of this https://youtu.be/R4NDLJow1ZE 
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 18, 2017, 07:06:14 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on May 18, 2017, 03:00:45 AM
Yes, I'm trying to.

Good man.

Quote
I feel almost as if some day when I'm really irritated/mentally drained (you know those days?

I can perhaps feel a little drained from time to time although I put that down to my age (109) but I don't get irritated by stuff. Obviously there are always exceptions and so if something was a major irritant - such as a fist about to arrive at pace on my face - then yeah, I'd acknowledge it. But day to day? Not worth my time.

Quote
But if she said no or something, nothing much can happen though. It's not like we're in a class together or anything, but I am one of their regular morning customers....

If she's a barista she'll probably be getting hit on evey five minutes already.
You'll know if/when you want ask her out. For what it's worth, If I were in your place I'd ask her out right away. And regardless of the outcome I'd be cool.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 19, 2017, 02:04:33 AM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on May 18, 2017, 08:16:00 PM
Would you ask her out (figuratively) in front of her workmates?

Just timing I guess, some mornings there are considerable cues too

Short answer. No.
And I should have made it more clear what I meant by "If I were in your place I'd ask her out right away".

Longer answer to follow.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 19, 2017, 03:58:04 AM
"If I were in your place I'd ask her out right away".

If I were you and a woman clearly seemed interested in me I'd ask her out straight away. Specifically in this scenario as I was leaving I'd discreetly slip her a note with my number. The note should be something like this -

"You seem cool/interesting. Like to chat sometime? *number*."

Regardless of what happens next, stay calm.

If she rejects the note say "okay" and smile. Don't ask why she's rejecting it. And don't apologise. Just say "okay" and smile and pretend it never happened. Stay calm.

If she takes the note and doesn't call, don't ever bring it up. Again, act like it never happened. Don't make things awkward. Go back to being the customer you were. Stay calm.
In fact, regardless of the outcome being yes or no, just stay calm and laid back.

fake edit: I'm aware that your idea of 'calm and laid back' probably differs greatly from mine. ;D Just be a man about it all.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 19, 2017, 11:24:19 PM
An apparent lack of dating action all round means it's time for a story from the dating archives. It has come to mind because as I prepare to leave this house it reminds me of when my ex-girlfriend and I moved in to it together. Also, you know that thing about how you can never get a taxi, but when you don't want one then two come along at once?

We had only been living together for three or four weeks. It was already a beautiful time and I'd allowed myself to again be sidetracked by her which resulted in me running late for an appointment. I'd to give the okay to a couple of prints before they were mounted, matted and framed for a client. The picture framer was situated on the other side of town. Between he and I there was the formidable obstacle of the rush hour.

The quickest way to get there was by subway. If I got a train right away and didn't mess around when I got off it I would get to the framers in time. All at once I put on my jacket, grabbed a book, kissed the girl and went out the door.

Pacing up and down the platform doesn't make the train arrive faster. Stand still, don't slouch, quit fidgeting, stay calm - and chances are you're the coolest guy in the vicinity and people will notice. And if like me you have a book with you, read it.

The small train pulled in. I found a seat near the door and sat down, adopting the type of pose that apparently some people find offensive. Or threatening? Or too manly or something? In any case, I don't care. So I read my book while initially pretending not to check out the woman who was sitting diagonally opposite me. She was doing that old thing I'm sure I've explained before, of tilting the head and squinting the eyes a little in an attempt to see the cover and title of the book and so making it clear to me that she wanted me to notice her looking. If she didn't want that she would just glance at the book and be done with it.

I lowered the book and looked at her. Then I held the book in her direction so she could read the title. She mimed a "I see" and nodded in approval. I tried to gesture in a way that asked if she had read it, to which she replied with a shake of the head. Again I responded, imparting best I could that the book was okay and worthy of her time. This whole exchange was wordless. But the biggest thing was that I knew she was interested in me and that she knew (and was comfortable with) me blatantly checking her out. Maybe she liked that a man was capable of making and then holding eye contact with her.
Late 30s? Well preserved early 40s? A businesswoman, confident with briefcase and heels. And legs, casually crossed quite high. Her hair, make-up, fingernails, all in all perfectly groomed. At home I've a beautiful girl. But I'm still going to look and enjoy what I see as I go about my day.

The silent conversation continued until the train approached my station. I stood and moved to the door, but not before seeing her exaggerated sad face. I shrugged to her that's the way it goes sometimes, then the train stopped and the door opened. I stepped on to the platform and made for the stairs. Behind me the doors closed a whistle blew and I looked back and through the window. She was looking back too. Here's the thing, I'm 99% sure that if I was single I would have stayed on the train. And I'm 98% sure that would have led to us getting off the train together and me nailing her soon after.

The platform clock shows that it's later than I thought. So I almost run for the stairway and when I get there I take the steps three at a time as fast as I can. To do this safely I look down at my feet. Every now and then I glance up so that I don't collide with anyone. And I see someone coming down the stairs. A woman. I look at my feet, then back up. She's closer and she's kind of running too. Then she's closer again. Finally we're almost level and she looks at me, she looks again. A double take. She slows and turns towards me. I slow down too. We're on the same step now and facing each other. She spoke to me. You know what she said? She only said two things. The first was "Oh" followed a second later by "Hello". There was a handrail between us and she placed a small hand on it. Clear nail varnish on sensible nails. A waif wrist circled by a (home made?) bracelet of thin cord threaded through...are those half a dozen tiny square wooden beads each with a letter on? Spelling her name? But I don't want to stare and so I look up in to a sweet smile. If she's anything I can think of it's a late 20s schoolteacher with soft brown shoulder length hair and a slim figure. And she's pretty, terminally pretty.

She keeps smiling and I know she's waiting for my big mouth to do what it does. But I've a beautiful girl at home and a picture framer needing approval. Still, that smile. There's the sound of an approaching train and she looks toward it and then quickly back to me. Indecisive? I decide for her by stepping back and away while looking at her looking at me over the handrail, then I turn and continue up the stairs. Again, three at a time, looking down at my feet and never look back.

I was about ten minutes late at the picture framer. As I opened the shop door I read the sign telling me that this is the weeknight they stay open one hour later than usual. The picture framer greets me and asks if I would like tea or coffee. His assistant is waiting for my answer. She's a lovely Italian girl with huge brown eyes and what appears to be all the good stuff under the cover of overalls. I tell her I don't want anything, thanks.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 20, 2017, 06:28:32 PM
You're welcome.
When you go on enough dates and generally socialise frequently with women you get to kind learn to recognise from the outset if it's even worth your while asking or not. Most women tend to send a signal of some sort and it's usually an accurate indicator. But in any case, don't worry about it. Have fun.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on May 21, 2017, 09:08:06 PM
I have a new crush.

And yes, of course, this is irrelevant to the thread because it isn't for a real person.

Futaba Sakura from Persona 5. Strange how even though I didn't like her character design at all, once I got to know this character, my feelings changed completely. She is a shut-in hacker with some social anxiety issues, and her charms are her weird little quirks.

I probably would have never understood exactly the feeling of someone being a "soulmate" if it weren't for fiction.

That sort of closeness is so rare. I believe Futaba will always be second, though, to the one character I've thought of every single day for the last 7 years. It is such a weird reflection, to see exactly what constitutes a "soulmate" when you are only able to discover it in fiction. Is this just a manifestation of yourself in a fictional character, being someone you can sympathize with because they are like you (on the inside)?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 21, 2017, 09:19:45 PM
Quote from: greg on May 21, 2017, 09:08:06 PM
I have a new crush.

And yes, of course, this is irrelevant to the thread because it isn't for a real person.

Futaba Sakura from Persona 5. Strange how even though I didn't like her character design at all, once I got to know this character, my feelings changed completely. She is a shut-in hacker with some social anxiety issues, and her charms are her weird little quirks.

I probably would have never understood exactly the feeling of someone being a "soulmate" if it weren't for fiction.

That sort of closeness is so rare. I believe Futaba will always be second, though, to the one character I've thought of every single day for the last 7 years. It is such a weird reflection, to see exactly what constitutes a "soulmate" when you are only able to discover it in fiction. Is this just a manifestation of yourself in a fictional character, being someone you can sympathize with because they are like you (on the inside)?

???
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 22, 2017, 06:20:43 AM
That's about one year now that I've been single. In that time I've had a lot of dates, some casual encounters, and made a f--kbuddy.

As I've mentioned before I'm not talk, dark and handsome. But I've never needed to be and throughout my life I've never been short of dates, especially when I was younger. And the thing is, I'm now recognising that at this point I'm receiving almost as much interest as I ever have. Almost every single time I go (alone) to a concert or the ballet or the theatre and stand around beforehand/during the interval minding my own business and reading a book, I either receive a number of looks that invite an approach or I'll simply have someone walk up and start a conversation. There's nothing special about me, but if there's any secret to it then it's down to the fact I'm at the concert or ballet or theatre because those are some of the things I love. Anything else that happens there is a bonus.

Of course, it's all very well me saying that, but none of the dates have amounted to anything long term. I believe that's in part my own fault, but also because it's a numbers game. But the more I date the better the chances are that something good will happen, either as a direct result of the date or indirectly by them introducing me to someone else or to something different or somewhere new.

In the meantime I go about my way as usual. On my morning run and I say hello to my neighbours as they walk their dogs, sometimes I exchange greetings with 'Shakespearian cat' if he's sitting on his wall, then run along the road and into the park, around the pond and count the ducks, back through the gates on to the road, a "Hi" or just a wave or simple nod to the coffee shop owner, the posh florist lady, the organic baker standing outside smoking a cigarette, the kind of eccentric woman proprietor of the health food store, pigeon toed hipster chick opening the shutter to her vape emporium, the grumpy butcher who has eyed me suspiciously ever since I told him I try to only eat red meat once a week... That's how it goes and it provides myriad rewards, not all connected to dating.

Recently I was at the supermarket checkout and unloading my trolley. Behind me there was a woman holding a red onion and a bunch of parsley. I suggested she goes ahead of me. She thanked me and moved in front. I wondered aloud if I needed to buy parsley. She asked what I was cooking that needed it, which then developed into a small exchange about the pros and cons of growing parsley in a box on a kitchen window sill. Then she paid for her two items and was gone. It took me longer to have my stuff scanned and to bag it. Finally I got it done, took the bags and trolley outside, and found the woman waiting there. She said "Do you want to take a little of my parsley just in case you do need it?"

That's it, really. Keep moving forward every day.  And never feel ashamed by checking out a nice pair of legs. 8)
Listo!

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: aleazk on May 22, 2017, 08:55:51 PM
I was in tinder and suddenly the picture of a classmate popped in... lol I actually like this classmate but I had to press the nay option because I don't want to mix professional and personal life  :-X... at least for now.

Other than that, I got bored and have not been there in weeks

Oh, also, the picture of the cashier from the coffee shop I go everyday... nay again because I don't want to make my daily routine complicated, i.e., for now I want the coffee shop to be just the coffee shop!  :-X
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 23, 2017, 01:31:27 PM
Yeah, tempting as it can be you're probably doing the right thing by adhering to '*don't get the honey where you make your money'. :) Having said that, I didn't always do the right thing. 8) :laugh: I suppose like a lot of stuff it depends on the individuals involved, their priorities and how much they might be prepared to compromise.


* my preferred saying for that scenario involves mention of a doorstep.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: greg on May 23, 2017, 05:19:15 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 21, 2017, 09:19:45 PM
???
I'm starting to realize that by being "introspective," you don't really mean about deconstructing how your mind works? Seems like you don't have an interest in it?  (or maybe you just do analysis in a completely different way?)

Actually, if I really wanted to understand exactly the characteristics I find attractive in women (and what I find to be "soulmate" level quality), I would play dating sims. But I don't... haven't really tried them, either, tbh. The difference is that there are no limits, whereas real people have to, you know, behave themselves around others, and in something like a tv show/dating sim/visual novel/anything fiction, they can be showed how they are alone or in specific scenarios that you'd never encounter in real life.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 23, 2017, 06:08:11 PM
Quote from: Thatfabulousalien on May 23, 2017, 05:43:58 PM


I've grown to feel the same way with the girl at the cafe I go to every morning, I'm not really feeling compelled to get in any romances personally at the moment, even though I strongly considered what NikF said (and even wrote a little message + Ph. no. for her), I decided against it

Famous last words.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 23, 2017, 06:09:11 PM
Generally speaking, sometimes when you're out and about doing what you do, you'll unexpectedly meet someone. It won't matter if you haven't planned for it or you don't have time for it. It might even be that they're someone you wouldn't think is your 'type'. But it happens and no matter what age you are or how much experience you have, you'll find it's all you can do to keep your feet on the ground.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 26, 2017, 01:23:58 PM
My amateur violinist neighbour from across the street invited me to a party in her building. I went along just for the hell of it. There were a couple of women who appeared single, including one I recognised as living further up the hill who was kind of pushy in a "I've always wanted to *places hand on my forearm* know the name of that beautiful plant I notice when I walk past your house" kind of way. She was pleasant and all that, but I wandered into the back garden where there was a tree that had a fine branch for doing pullups on. I didn't do any though. A grey cat came along and slowly crept through the grass. It stopped and looked at me and I said hello to it which resulted in it taking off at approximately the speed of sound. Huh. I came home, did a couple of pullups in the doorway, then made tea, and now I'm going to sit in the dark and watch 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'.
A friday night.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 26, 2017, 07:51:20 PM
I met a gorgeous Colombian woman today. I got her number, but her English isn't great, but I'll probably get some coffee with her at some point. I'm in no rush. Things are going pretty decent right now and I'm enjoying my solitude.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 26, 2017, 07:54:19 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 26, 2017, 01:23:58 PM
My amateur violinist neighbour from across the street invited me to a party in her building. I went along just for the hell of it. There were a couple of women who appeared single, including one I recognised as living further up the hill who was kind of pushy in a "I've always wanted to *places hand on my forearm* know the name of that beautiful plant I notice when I walk past your house" kind of way. She was pleasant and all that, but I wandered into the back garden where there was a tree that had a fine branch for doing pullups on. I didn't do any though. A grey cat came along and slowly crept through the grass. It stopped and looked at me and I said hello to it which resulted in it taking off at approximately the speed of sound. Huh. I came home, did a couple of pullups in the doorway, then made tea, and now I'm going to sit in the dark and watch 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind'.
A friday night.

It's good to just get out and meet some people sometimes, but when I get off of work I don't want to be around people since I work in retail. I'm really considering going back to school and perhaps learning a trade. I could go to college, but that's just going to take too long. I'll probably enroll in some kind of medical program where I can become like an x-ray technician or something along those lines.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 26, 2017, 08:21:37 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 26, 2017, 07:51:20 PM
I met a gorgeous Colombian woman today. I got her number, but her English isn't great, but I'll probably get some coffee with her at some point. I'm in no rush. Things are going pretty decent right now and I'm enjoying my solitude.

That'll be something for you to look forward to.    8)
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 26, 2017, 07:54:19 PM
It's good to just get out and meet some people sometimes, but when I get off of work I don't want to be around people since I work in retail. I'm really considering going back to school and perhaps learning a trade. I could go to college, but that's just going to take too long. I'll probably enroll in some kind of medical program where I can become like an x-ray technician or something along those lines.

It would be a big change. But I'm sure you could adapt to  it and also that it would prove to be an interesting challenge. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on May 26, 2017, 08:58:24 PM
Quote from: NikF on May 26, 2017, 08:21:37 PM
That'll be something for you to look forward to.    8)
It would be a big change. But I'm sure you could adapt to  it and also that it would prove to be an interesting challenge. :)

Indeed, it would be a big change, but I'd love to actually have a career and make good money doing something I enjoyed doing. Finding enjoyment is always the tricky part, because it's not something I would love to do wholeheartedly I don't think.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 26, 2017, 09:13:55 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 26, 2017, 08:58:24 PM
Indeed, it would be a big change, but I'd love to actually have a career and make good money doing something I enjoyed doing. Finding enjoyment is always the tricky part, because it's not something I would love to do wholeheartedly I don't think.

Yeah, that's the tricky part, not knowing beforehand. Then again, you might find that it's one of those things where there are rewards that aren't readily apparent from the outside. Or that it's fulfilling in a way you didn't know you wanted to or could be fulfilled? It's a tough one to call.
Also, despite the fact that it would only be of secondary importance, it's still a fact that it would open you up to having different colleagues and potential pool to date from. That's a nice bonus. :)

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on May 30, 2017, 01:18:17 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on May 26, 2017, 07:54:19 PMI can become like an x-ray technician or something along those lines.

Yeah, 'technician' ;)

https://www.youtube.com/v/7oxvobUA-QA
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on May 30, 2017, 03:49:23 PM
Glad to hear it.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on June 09, 2017, 05:21:07 AM
I've got a date for next week. I wasn't going to go, but I've changed my mind. She's a university librarian at an archive a few people and myself were given a tour of. After a back and forth of a few messages she paid me a nice compliment; I'm all for that and I believe she should be rewarded :laugh: Anyway, she's slim, petite, dark haired, seems kind of confident, chatty, early thirties, and has noticeably long eyelashes. Over the next couple of days I'll find somewhere cool for the date.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on June 09, 2017, 06:41:19 AM
Quote from: NikF on June 09, 2017, 05:21:07 AM
I've got a date for next week. I wasn't going to go, but I've changed my mind. She's a university librarian at an archive a few people and myself were given a tour of. After a back and forth of a few messages she paid me a nice compliment; I'm all for that and I believe she should be rewarded :laugh: Anyway, she's slim, petite, dark haired, seems kind of confident, chatty, early thirties, and has noticeably long eyelashes. Over the next couple of days I'll find somewhere cool for the date.

Great stuff. I hope it goes well for you, Nik. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on June 09, 2017, 06:54:40 AM
Thanks MI :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on June 13, 2017, 09:28:20 AM
Date venue solved? I think I'm taking her here.

(http://i.imgur.com/xhYZJec.jpg)

Based on a couple of things she said when we met she's maybe a bit nerdy and perhaps even sort of a 'goody two shoes'. ;D But those aren't always necessarily bad qualities. So maybe this exhibition will appeal to her. And later we can have a drink and/or something to eat in a café across the road. (And if she doesn't like that exhibition then there's this wonderful place https://www.glasgowlife.org.uk/museums/kelvingrove/about/collection-highlights/Pages/The-French-Gallery.aspx)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on June 18, 2017, 12:27:02 PM
Now confirmed a second date with Ms. Paroo the librarian. The cinema, probably Wonder Woman. Huh.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: DaveF on June 19, 2017, 12:33:20 AM
Well, this is not my usual sort of thread, but feeling happy with life, so here goes.  Up to date no.5 now with a lady - late 50s (like me), widowed with youngish children (like me), attractive (unlike me) - former air hostess, enough said.  We live 60 miles apart, which is probably not much in US terms, but feels far here.  So lots of affectionate messages flying back and forth daily.  There's even a motorway that runs almost door-to-door, but it seems that whenever she ventures onto it to see me, something bad happens - she hits a pheasant which wrecks her front bumper, or a stone goes through her windscreen.  Bad omens, I hope not.  Anyway, I wish everyone else here great happiness with their dates.  In fact, I wish the whole world great happiness with everything at the moment, being in that walking-on-air state we all know so well.

DF
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on June 19, 2017, 11:44:22 AM
Quote from: DaveF on June 19, 2017, 12:33:20 AM
Well, this is not my usual sort of thread, but feeling happy with life, so here goes.  Up to date no.5 now with a lady - late 50s (like me), widowed with youngish children (like me), attractive (unlike me) - former air hostess, enough said.  We live 60 miles apart, which is probably not much in US terms, but feels far here.  So lots of affectionate messages flying back and forth daily.  There's even a motorway that runs almost door-to-door, but it seems that whenever she ventures onto it to see me, something bad happens - she hits a pheasant which wrecks her front bumper, or a stone goes through her windscreen.  Bad omens, I hope not.  Anyway, I wish everyone else here great happiness with their dates.  In fact, I wish the whole world great happiness with everything at the moment, being in that walking-on-air state we all know so well.

DF


That's cool and has put a smile on my face. :) Good stuff.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on June 19, 2017, 12:35:41 PM
Quote from: SurprisedByBeauty on June 19, 2017, 12:29:16 PM
I feel similarly elated, having just tied the knot myself.

Congratulations. Excellent news  8)


Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on June 19, 2017, 12:47:26 PM
Quote from: SurprisedByBeauty on June 19, 2017, 12:29:16 PM
I feel similarly elated, having just tied the knot myself.


Congratulations and all the best for the future. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: DaveF on June 19, 2017, 01:32:48 PM
Quote from: SurprisedByBeauty on June 19, 2017, 12:29:16 PM
I feel similarly elated, having just tied the knot myself.
Are you seeing evidence of these pheasants and stones-in-windows? Is she pulling through and brushing fowl bird and foul play aside to make it to your town, after all? Or are these the excuses for not having made it?

Congratulations indeed, and best wishes.  Is this the Beauty that surprised you?

Pheasants and stones are true, sadly, and both happened on her way home from the various intermediate points where we've been meeting so far.  And she's never late!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on June 19, 2017, 02:59:09 PM
Quote from: SurprisedByBeauty on June 19, 2017, 12:29:16 PM
Excellent state to be in! Congrats. I feel similarly elated, having just tied the knot myself.
Are you seeing evidence of these pheasants and stones-in-windows? Is she pulling through and brushing fowl bird and foul play aside to make it to your town, after all? Or are these the excuses for not having made it? The former would be an excellent sign, indeed!



Congratulations to both of you! Very happy for you. ^_^
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: SurprisedByBeauty on June 19, 2017, 10:45:09 PM
Quote from: jessop on June 19, 2017, 02:59:09 PM
Congratulations to both of you! Very happy for you. ^_^

Quote from: DaveF on June 19, 2017, 01:32:48 PM
Congratulations indeed, and best wishes.  Is this the Beauty that surprised you?
Ha!  ;D "Startled by Beauty", even.

Quote from: NikF on June 19, 2017, 12:47:26 PM
Congratulations and all the best for the future. :)

Quote from: Sergeant Rock on June 19, 2017, 12:35:41 PM
Congratulations. Excellent news  8)
Sarge


Thanks much, you guys!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on June 21, 2017, 06:08:31 AM
In a change of plan I took Ms. Paroo the librarian for a drink and we had a chat during which I mentioned l wasn't really looking for anything serious. She was okay with it.
For the foreseeable future I'm going to go out and meet every woman I can who is of legal age and makes herself available to me. ;D That seems more comfortable and natural right now.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on June 25, 2017, 05:57:25 AM
An unexpected date.
I was in Edinburgh to meet friends. We had dinner and went for a drink and ran into some people they knew, including a recently divorced woman who was clearly interested in me despite her not saying or doing anything obvious to show it. ;D It's hard to describe, but some people might understand what I mean. Sometimes you can just tell.

I went with my friends back to their place and we talked until the early hours. In the morning I got up and was handed a phone "it's a call for you". I took it and it was the woman from the night before. She asked if I wanted to do the 'Netflix and chill' thing because we had been talking about the cinema. My original plan was to go home for a concert but instead I went out and bought a new T-shirt to wear (sartorial elegance at the drop of a hat, that's me :laugh:) and then headed over to her place in the early evening.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: DaveF on June 30, 2017, 12:35:30 AM
Quote from: NikF on June 25, 2017, 05:57:25 AM
An unexpected date... and then headed over to her place in the early evening.

And?  AND??  Or is a discreet veil drawn over proceedings at that point?  Very pleased for you anyway, you young devil.  (BTW, wonder if we could be related, since our surnames are both "F" - it's not a particularly common one.)

My disaster-prone relationship continues.  Had the most head-swimmingly lovely, romantic day out yesterday - during which she slipped down a grassy slope and twisted her ankle.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on June 30, 2017, 02:55:29 AM
Quote from: DaveF on June 30, 2017, 12:35:30 AM
And?  AND??  Or is a discreet veil drawn over proceedings at that point?  Very pleased for you anyway, you young devil.  (BTW, wonder if we could be related, since our surnames are both "F" - it's not a particularly common one.)


Thanks. :) I'm through in Edinburgh a couple of times a month and if it happens again, it happens again. But if not, then that's cool too. 8) One night stands are easy to have and then easy get out of. It's just a case of knowing how to play the game. And anyone who says any different either has little experience of them and/or believes everything they read on Reddit.  :laugh:

"Young devil"? - I'm older than most people think.   ??? ;D

And my surname doesn't really begin with 'F'. My username is taken from one of my old work tools.

(http://i.imgur.com/W5ZzW4u.jpg)

And now I'm trying to think of uncommon Welsh surnames...

Quote
My disaster-prone relationship continues.  Had the most head-swimmingly lovely, romantic day out yesterday - during which she slipped down a grassy slope and twisted her ankle.

Well, that sounded good, followed by not so good. :( I hope her ankle isn't too badly twisted and soon you can return to the simple pleasure of stuff like taking walks together. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 06, 2017, 08:42:07 AM
Part one of two.

It's been a while since I posted a dating story from my young days. The difference with this one is that it doesn't appear remarkable or all that different from dozens of other one (or in this case, two) night stands. But it involves a bit of a mystery, which I'm not going to solve. No hints, no clues, and no acknowledgement of anyone guessing right or wrong. I'm not going to tell you who she was - I never kiss and tell. But if you're interested, read on.

I cant remember what age I was - 19? 20? At the oldest, 21? But my job was going well and my boss had started a new assistant which meant I could be more flexible in my working hours. Many of those hours were spent with a close group of friends. It was a particularly wild and warm time in my life. One of those friends worked part-time as a barman in a theatre bar. His shift usually ended in the late afternoon and on a Friday I'd go have a drink and hang out before he finished. Then to start the weekend we'd hit the town big style.

I arrived in the theatre and entered the bar through old polished doors. Immediately on my right and along the whole length of the wall there were padded benches with fairly narrow tables in front that had wooden chairs on the other side. At that time it was fairly busy and this was one of the few places I didn't like to stand or sit at the bar, but before I could find somewhere to sit I was distracted.

Just inside the bar and next to the door a group of people were sitting at a table. There were five (or six?) of them. Two on chairs with their back to the room and three on the bench against the wall, facing me. I took all that in and then it went like this -

- a very young woman sitting on the bench - the nearest of the three - was looking at me and I looked back and when we made eye contact it was overwhelming. Have you ever felt that? It's not simply lust, it's more some kind of massive, concentrated, powerful attraction. Everything in it was vivid and intense. Have we met before? Do we recognise each other? What's happened? In the meantime, we'll just stare and smile. Eventually the look was broken when my friend called me over and seated me at an unoccupied table. Apart from taking my order he didn't say a word, but did appear to be stifling a laugh.

I looked back over to the bench and she was already smiling back over to me. It was only then I took in what she looked like. Petite. Long dark curly hair. And although undeniably pretty it was almost an unusual, quirky kind of attractive.
There are times when you're with someone and can sit and comfortably gaze into each other's eyes, but not usually when you're strangers who have only been aware of each other for a few minutes. No need or hurry or desire to look away. Everything is cool exactly as it is and we don't need to change anything.

My friend returned with my drink. He was grinning and told me he'd be working an extra hour or so, but that meant he would have a smoking break during which he'd join me. That was fine and when he left I picked up my drink and hurriedly looked back over to her. She wasn't looking at me and was instead saying something to someone sitting opposite. But as soon as she finished speaking she looked back over and smiled at me.

I never worry about this stuff, all that 'was she looking?/is she interested?/does she like me?' nonsense. Frankly, I don't give a sh-t about it and neither should you. I'm always as confident and forward as it's possible to be. While it's never pleasant to be turned down and can perhaps sometimes feel a little embarrassing, it doesn't actually kill you, does it? No, it doesn't. And even if you're disappointed because you really liked her, it passes and there will be another one along soon. Wait and see. So why didn't I approach her? It was because even after years of philandering I hadn't experienced anything like this before. Many times I've felt hugely physically attracted, and I've felt a deep desire to be emotionally close and intimate. But to this day I've never known anything like that exchange that was going on between us. And so I didn't know how or when or what kind of move to make.

More looking over, more smiles. I don't care that she's not a model and is less than a classic beauty. It's not about that.
My friend is on his break and has come over and casually tells me that he's already been introduced to her and that she's an actress - predominantly a stage actress - who is up from London and asks if I'd like to be introduced to her too? Of course. So we walk over there.

Final part to follow.

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 06, 2017, 08:42:29 AM
Part two of two.


We're almost at her table and although there's an empty chair she's moving her jacket out the way to make room on the bench for me right beside her. I'm introduced to everyone, then there are a couple of polite questions about my job and then she's turned sideways (and in the process, turned her back to the others) to face me, tilted her head, carefully moves a drinking glass out the way so she can place her elbow on the table, and runs a hand through her curly hair until she's cupping her chin. Then more silent smiling. She's as hot as hell. Gimme.

We break every now and then in order to make a show of listening to the others and join the conversation, but everyone knows the score and seems cool with it. Over the next couple of hours one by one they discreetly make their excuses and leave. Finally we're alone. As usual in these situations there's no verbal acknowledgement of what you both know is going to happen, you just kind of cut to the chase and decide where it's going to be. We did that, I bought a bottle of wine and hailed a taxi.

We arrived in the west end and I paid the driver while she unlocked the door of the townhouse she'd rented. We stepped inside and closed the door on the Friday night and never set foot outside again until Sunday when it was over and she was heading back to London. In between the only time we spoke to anyone was when she telephoned her mother and when I paid the delivery guy from the takeaway the next day.
She left before me and told me to lock the door and put the key through the letterbox when I leave. And that was it.

I caught up with my friend the following week. He said that watching her and I watching each other had been hilarious for him and his colleagues to witness. Then he asked me what she was like. Then he told me about her acting jobs. At that time I had never heard of her. Years and years later I recognised her face and her name.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Alek Hidell on July 06, 2017, 09:13:13 AM
I have nothing of consequence to contribute to this topic (celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary yesterday, so no dating for me :)), but after reading a few of NikF's stories, I gotta say, in spite of his modesty: dude, you must be a stud!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on July 06, 2017, 09:19:38 AM
Quote from: Alek Hidell on July 06, 2017, 09:13:13 AM
I have nothing of consequence to contribute to this topic (celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary yesterday, so no dating for me :)), but after reading a few of NikF's stories, I gotta say, in spite of his modesty: dude, you must be a stud!

I have a feeling Nik was a disciple of David Bailey ;D  He learned his craft and art well  ;)

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on July 06, 2017, 09:31:27 AM
Quote from: NikF on July 06, 2017, 08:42:29 AMWe stepped inside and closed the door on the Friday night and never set foot outside again until Sunday when it was over...

A great story, with a "happy ending"  ;)

My great staring story is more comic. It took place at a wedding party in Nancy France. The party began at four and lasted until six the next morning. Astonishing amounts of food and drink consumed by all. I was with my wife (the bride and groom and many of the guests were her friends from her student days in Strasbourg). Fairly early in the evening I caught one of the married women staring at me from across the table. She was quite lovely, dark hair, what one would call a MILF today. We became so obvious, the groom made a commnet, and then everyone chimed in, asking both of us what we were planning. They were French, of course, and expected extramarital affairs :D Nothing to be ashamed of, they told me, laughing. At that point it became embarrassing (but the woman never stopped glancing my way throughout the rest of the night). My wife took a picture of me staring. Unfortunately, she didn't get a picture of the woman.

(http://photos.imageevent.com/sgtrock/maygmg/Sarge_at_%20Stans_Wedding_1974.jpg)

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 06, 2017, 09:39:21 AM
Quote from: Alek Hidell on July 06, 2017, 09:13:13 AM
I have nothing of consequence to contribute to this topic (celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary yesterday, so no dating for me :)), but after reading a few of NikF's stories, I gotta say, in spite of his modesty: dude, you must be a stud!

No, I'm not. I'm just an ordinary guy who had a job and social background that allowed me to meet women. And when that's coupled to healthy confidence, the law of averages takes care of the rest.  ;D

Congrats on 27 years of marriage. :) And I'm sure that in itself means you have some insight(s) into relationships and stuff that would be valuable to contribute to the thread, should you wish to do so.


Quote from: Sergeant Rock on July 06, 2017, 09:19:38 AM
I have a feeling Nik was disciple of David Bailey ;D  He learned his craft and art well  ;)

Sarge

Even so, what do I have to show for it? A nice house, fast lenses in triplicate throughout the working range, and the ability to take a punch - although I'm no longer sure I can count on the latter.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 06, 2017, 09:41:58 AM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on July 06, 2017, 09:31:27 AM

My great staring story is more comic. It took place at a wedding party in Nancy France. The party began at four and lasted until six the next morning. Astonishing amounts of food and drink consumed by all. I was with my wife (the bride and groom and many of the guests were her friends from her student days in Strasbourg). Fairly early in the evening I caught one of the married women staring at me from across the table. She was quite lovely, dark hair, what one would call a MILF today. We became so obvious, the groom made a commnet, and then everyone chimed in, asking both of us what we were planning. They were French, of course, and expected extramarital affairs :D Nothing to be ashamed of, they told me, laughing. At that point it became embarrassing (but the woman never stopped glancing my way throughout the rest of the night). My wife took a picture of me staring. Unfortunately, she didn't get a picture of the woman.

(http://photos.imageevent.com/sgtrock/maygmg/Sarge_at_%20Stans_Wedding_1974.jpg)

Sarge

That's cool and a hell of a photo. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 06, 2017, 10:28:45 AM
Here's the main reason for any success I've had - not just with women, in other areas too.

When I was young an older woman took me under her wing and set me on the right road. She used to be  honest with me about stuff. I was about 17 and had already dated a number of models my own age. And it was easy and so I was probably starting to take it for granted. Anyway, one of them was a couple of years older than me and really beautiful - not just the fairly symmetrical face and neat, evenly spaced features kind of model way. Beautiful, truly beautiful - and we got on wonderfully. I'd never had so much in common with someone or felt so good with them. And we spent hours and hours together doing stuff and going places. So I asked her out. And she shot me down.

I was complaining about it and taking the huff and I asked the older woman "...why did this girl reject me? We're great together but she won't even give me a chance".

Older woman: well, I know she prefers tall guys.
Me: I know I'm not the tallest, but I'm not that short either - I'm 5' 8" and we're really good together.
Older woman: that's kind of short to some women. And it's important. Get used to it.

Of all the women I've known she was probably the biggest and most positive influence on me. Nowadays a lot of young guys would rather frequent an internet echo chamber than accept the truth about stuff. But I had the benefit of her brutal honesty. No excuses.

I'm going to add this: she was important for me in so many formative ways. When I was 16 she found out that I had never been in a restaurant. Right away she dragged me out of work and took me shopping for a shirt and a tie, a jacket and anything other than jeans. ;D A couple of days later she told me to meet her in a local restaurant, an Italian place. I got there early and felt so uncomfortable. Then she arrived. I'd already assisted on a lot of shoots with great looking women who had a variety of hairstyles and makeup and wardrobe. But she walked in wearing a little dress with her shoulders bare and her hair up. ??? The waiters were all over her, so attentive. And when she was seated and talking to me she had all these small, dainty, feminine gestures, like her fingertips briefly touching her neck or looking at me almost through her eyelashes. A real tour de force that kind of set the tone for the future. For years I thought most women were like that.  :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on July 06, 2017, 11:51:58 AM
Quote from: NikF on July 06, 2017, 09:41:58 AM
That's cool and a hell of a photo. 8)

She loved (loves) photography, both behind the camera and in front of it. But I think she snapped that one to blackmail me later  ;D

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 06, 2017, 01:01:16 PM
Quote from: Sergeant Rock on July 06, 2017, 11:51:58 AM
She loved (loves) photography, both behind the camera and in front of it. But I think she snapped that one to blackmail me later  ;D

Sarge


I know she certainly looks great in front of it. 8)
Still, looks like she did a good job of capturing that jawline. That's a jaw befitting a sergeant. It suggests (amongst other things) 'the hell with this photography lark - I work for a living'. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 11, 2017, 11:25:59 AM
Quite often when opening this thread there's a banner ad at the top the page which is for a dating site. And one of the phrases on it is "The woman will make the first move". Well, in real life the woman almost always makes the first move! You just need to learn how to recognise it. 8) Gain enough experience and from the outset you can frequently gauge when she's inviting your attention or has no interest in you at all. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on July 11, 2017, 03:18:35 PM
Quote from: NikF on July 11, 2017, 11:25:59 AM
Quite often when opening this thread there's a banner ad at the top the page which is for a dating site. And one of the phrases on it is "The woman will make the first move". Well, in real life the woman almost always makes the first move! You just need to learn how to recognise it. 8) Gain enough experience and from the outset you can frequently gauge when she's inviting your attention or has no interest in you at all. ;D
It is easy enough to recognise for me because it has always been straightforward and verbal............  :-\
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 16, 2017, 02:07:43 AM
Quote from: jessop on July 11, 2017, 03:18:35 PM
It is easy enough to recognise for me because it has always been straightforward and verbal............  :-\

Good. That's the best way for it to be. :)

I'm referring more to the whining scenarios I hear about, like "I don't know if she likes me and if I should ask her out" and "I was sure she liked me so I asked her out but she rejected me". A lot of the time it's obvious when someone is interested or not, even before you speak with them. It's not a special skill or 'One Weird Trick!' It just takes the experience gained by being out and meeting people and interacting with them. But that takes effort and doesn't offer the instant and guaranteed reward delivered via posting on the echo chamber of Reddit about how unfair it all is.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 16, 2017, 02:11:08 AM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on July 15, 2017, 10:46:53 PM
Nik, I had the same Pizza girl again  :o

:-* :-* :-*

Cool. Was the pizza better this time?  :laugh:

Despite the fact she was at work and probably in a hurry, did she give you a bit of chat or anything?

Or did you grab her, pull her close and give her a shake while looking into her eyes (lit by the 'Schuftan process', of course) and say "Listen up, doll, I'm crazy about you, you hear? And you're too good looking to be involved in a caper like this. I know it, you know it, and your dispatcher knows it. Let me take you away from it all, far from this minimum wage racket of analogue mozzarella and one size fits all uniform pantaloons. But there's a problem, because I don't want the pizza to get cold, see? So maybe come back, let's say, in 15 minutes? Yeah, 15 minutes is all I need IYKWIM...;)"?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on July 16, 2017, 04:09:13 AM
Quote from: NikF on July 16, 2017, 02:07:43 AM
Good. That's the best way for it to be. :)

I'm referring more to the whining scenarios I hear about, like "I don't know if she likes me and if I should ask her out" and "I was sure she liked me so I asked her out but she rejected me". A lot of the time it's obvious when someone is interested or not, even before you speak with them. It's not a special skill or 'One Weird Trick!' It just takes the experience gained by being out and meeting people and interacting with them. But that takes effort and doesn't offer the instant and guaranteed reward delivered via posting on the echo chamber of Reddit about how unfair it all is.

Well, a simple ask has been my approach too. It's kinda weird to read of people whining about rejections when they were sure they were fancied by the other party in question.

I do have a story from last year I might share concerning this if anyone is interested.  It was an odd month and I'm so glad nothing came from it.....
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 16, 2017, 07:42:46 AM
Quote from: jessop on July 16, 2017, 04:09:13 AM
Well, a simple ask has been my approach too. It's kinda weird to read of people whining about rejections when they were sure they were fancied by the other party in question.

Some people don't have the benefit of experience gained by going outside and talking with people and so the signs are useless to them. I think many of them are still governed by the types of thinking and social rules that were in place when they were in school, which was probably the last time they were forced to converse and associate with others.

Quote
I do have a story from last year I might share concerning this if anyone is interested.  It was an odd month and I'm so glad nothing came from it.....

I'd be interested to hear it. And I'm sure others would too. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 16, 2017, 07:54:06 AM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on July 16, 2017, 02:43:20 AM
"Look darling, I don't make much, you don't make much. I want you, you want me. I'm tired of getting pizzas alone and writing oboe concertos for myself, I need your inspiration. Come with me darling, into my arms. You, the pizza, the oboe, lets flee this dreadful debt together and start a new life full of wonder and mysterious circumstances. I may be here, I may not. We will keep moving country, we will run from the law. We will be 2018s answer to Bonnie and Clyde. Whatcha say and give this weirdo a chance?"


:D  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:  >:D  ;)

:laugh:

Yeah, that's it.  ;D

"I looked out and low to the street and she was there waiting behind the wheel of her car, just like she promised, her kewpie features turned up to my window as she first flashed her headlights and then her eyes to signal me forward and down. I went to my mirror, looked at the timeline of my scarred and worn face as I straightened my tie and tilted my hat and tried to make myself go cross-eyed but failed. Damn.
Then I cautiously stepped out my room, quietly closing the door behind me and with a quick check for unwanted visitors/insurance salesman lurking in the shadows I took the stairs two at a time, but no more than that because I wanted to appear cool, relaxed, unhurried and in control, a man she could rely on. And so on reaching the ground floor landing I stood that way, framed that way in the doorway for a moment to (expose for the shadows and) present her a picture of repose she would never forget...but her dollface got only a dolly zoom as I stifled a scream and ran back up the stairs three at a time, because the night air had reminded me of a horrible truth, that I'd forgot to put any trousers on.
Maybe no one noticed? Maybe I'd get away with it? Maybe it was more acceptable in this part of town to wear boxer shorts which feature a caricature of a smiling Clara Schumann saying "Herein, my favourite trio to play with."
Title: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Contemporaryclassical on July 17, 2017, 06:09:55 PM
Ok forum, I'm not dating  :laugh: (I'm already married)

But anyway, I took my wife to the cinema and had a romantic dining out last night. Don't know why I'm sharing but I guess my wife and I are quite busy people so we don't get to do a lot together  :(

The last time we went "out" was about two months ago to a concert with Beethoven, Webern ( :D ) and Bartok, we both enjoyed it immensely.

It made me very happy finally getting to spend some quality time out rather than just seeing her before going to sleep like usual  >:(
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 18, 2017, 03:13:30 AM
Quote from: Webernian on July 17, 2017, 06:09:55 PM
Ok forum, I'm not dating  :laugh: (I'm already married)

But anyway, I took my wife to the cinema and had a romantic dining out last night. Don't know why I'm sharing but I guess my wife and I are quite busy people so we don't get to do a lot together  :(

The last time we went "out" was about two months ago to a concert with Beethoven, Webern ( :D ) and Bartok, we both enjoyed it immensely.

It made me very happy finally getting to spend some quality time out rather than just seeing her before going to sleep like usual  >:(

It's cool that you got to spend such time with your wife.  8) Good stuff.
And because it was a date of sorts it certainly fits in with this thread. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Contemporaryclassical on July 18, 2017, 03:38:32 AM
Quote from: NikF on July 18, 2017, 03:13:30 AM
It's cool that you got to spend such time with your wife.  8) Good stuff.
And because it was a date of sorts it certainly fits in with this thread. :)

Tonight I'm on my own again, she has an overnight job (she works in healthcare)  :( but at least it brings in pay.

As I do, I've been chiseling at a rocking chair I've been redoing while I listen to this recent acquire:

(http://d3c8kntzevhldx.cloudfront.net/packshots/wmus000417343_l.jpg)

I still have finishing to apply to the chair but it is looking ten times how it used to look.

Oh and more Brexit news  :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 18, 2017, 04:14:58 AM
Quote from: Webernian on July 18, 2017, 03:38:32 AM
Tonight I'm on my own again, she has an overnight job (she works in healthcare)  :( but at least it brings in pay.

As I do, I've been chiseling at a rocking chair I've been redoing while I listen to this recent acquire:

(http://d3c8kntzevhldx.cloudfront.net/packshots/wmus000417343_l.jpg)

I still have finishing to apply to the chair but it is looking ten times how it used to look.

Oh and more Brexit news  :laugh:

That sounds an interesting and fulfilling project. Let us see or know the end results? :)
I've replaced some of the floorboards in my house before I sell it. They're oak and a couple of the pieces are suitable to do something with. So if I have time I'm thinking of making a little box to contain all my shoe polishing equipment - I like keeping my boots and shoes looking great in any case, but (and to keep this on topic ;D) women comment favourably or check them out quite often. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on July 30, 2017, 04:14:34 AM
Quote from: NikF on July 16, 2017, 07:42:46 AM
I'd be interested to hear it. And I'm sure others would too. :)

Okay then. I am quite happy to share, although my story will certainly not be as well written as the ones by NikF.

I ought to improve my writing skills some day though.

Last year I had a rather rough time with a breakup around February, after a summer filled with emotional roller-coaster rides, and as I was just about to embark on my first year as a tertiary music student. I felt a quite distant, unable to make meaningful connections with the people who were my closest friends and any new friends I made that year were not friendships that would last for very long. Each year, the state puts on a showcase of the highest scoring high school students in the various media, music, dance, art and drama subjects and at the very end a few of the acts that fell within the heading of 'performing arts' would get a repeat performance for some reason. Probably because the people in charge liked what they saw, and usually they wanted to showcase anything that was a bit 'unusual'.  I guess they would have counted composition as well, because they asked me to come and prepare my piece for that performance as well as a piece composed by a student from a smaller regional city. There had already been a concert featuring compositions by the top students of any music subject for which they could compose a piece of music, and our compositions had been performed a couple of months prior to this final showcase. I will refer to her as M.

M had been accepted into a different music school here in Melbourne, also studying composition, and she was both a remarkable composer and an excellent violinist, particularly when it came to Baroque violin music. She had also been studying Indonesian language and music for a number of years, and gamelan was something which was particularly influential in her compositional style. In the weeks leading up to the final performance of our compositions I didn't really show much interest in anything apart from organising a new lineup of musicians and rehearsing with them (only the original harpsichordist and guitarist were available, organising new cellists was a nightmare since one broke up with me and another couldn't make the concert). What has been interesting to look back on was my rather unemotional behaviour at this point in time; I absolutely have no clue why M approached me or why we began to talk to one another and exchange contact details, but ultimately we did, and I think in some ways this helped me to adjust to everything that was new to me that year simply by having someone to talk to a bit more regularly.

M said she wanted to go out with me. I was taken aback. What was rather lucky for me was that I had two tickets (i got for free, i seem to usually have some luck in getting free tickets to things) to a concert that was part of the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra's annual new music festival. M had a real interest in music by people like Xenakis, Bartók, Lachenmann, Rodrigo, Boulez, Carter......basically the 20th and 21st centuries and particularly the avant-garde, so it seemed rather fitting to go see a few concerts featuring world premieres. We did this a few times. Between these outings, which were probably dates, but I was still quite unsure of myself, we would still end up meeting for coffees and talking to one another. M always came across as someone who was very accommodating and understanding when it came to how I felt about going out and the kind of things we would discuss. She would tell me to just go with flow and just do what feels right to me, as she did what felt right to her. Perhaps what made me less and less comfortable was that she wanted some kind of relationship that I didn't feel ready for at this point in the year, having been through a difficult breakup less than four months previously. I thoroughly enjoyed discussing things like culture, composition, music and language with her, but when it came to adding humour into our conversations, when it came to making jokes, I didn't feel like myself any more. It was as if I was trying to be someone I wasn't. She was cynical and sarcastic and blunt, and I am not. I began hiding parts of my personality from her which I was sure at the time she had no interest in. After a short while, the idea of even meeting up felt like a burden I would try to avoid at all costs. Once I recognised this, I told her as soon as I could that I would prefer not to enter into a relationship because I was feeling uncomfortable, still trying to cope with a previous breakup, not feeling myself, finding it difficult to relate to others in any meaningful way at all and I would have been a complete and utter let down to her if I continued going along with what she wanted any more. She called be a 'cunt' and blocked me from being able to contact her. Contacting her again wasn't something I particularly wanted to do anyway, but I was felt rather refreshed again after a while and I took the whole experience as something to learn from, something not to repeat again. I am most grateful that there was nothing intimate that came between us.

During this time, particularly when I was recognising my discomfort towards the end, I actually did begin to feel closer to three women, two I had known since school and one who offered to play cello in my composition in the final concert. All three of them had interesting stories regarding dating and relationships, and all three were attracted to other women as well coincidentally. I was extremely glad that with these friends I could open up and talk about how I had been feeling, share stories and receive advice from their own experience. I am still very good friends particularly with the one who played cello in my composition.

Fast forward to today: I do indeed have a few things organised in the coming weeks that I will do with a wonderful and inspiring woman from Munich. I have an incredibly strong feeling that there is no one with whom I will have ever felt more comfortable. I am so happy.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 31, 2017, 07:02:52 PM
Quote from: jessop on July 30, 2017, 04:14:34 AM

I ought to improve my writing skills some day though.

Last year I had a rather rough time with a breakup around February, after a summer filled with emotional roller-coaster rides, and as I was just about to embark on my first year as a tertiary music student. I felt a quite distant, unable to make meaningful connections with the people who were my closest friends and any new friends I made that year were not friendships that would last for very long. Each year, the state puts on a showcase of the highest scoring high school students in the various media, music, dance, art and drama subjects and at the very end a few of the acts that fell within the heading of 'performing arts' would get a repeat performance for some reason. Probably because the people in charge liked what they saw, and usually they wanted to showcase anything that was a bit 'unusual'.  I guess they would have counted composition as well, because they asked me to come and prepare my piece for that performance as well as a piece composed by a student from a smaller regional city. There had already been a concert featuring compositions by the top students of any music subject for which they could compose a piece of music, and our compositions had been performed a couple of months prior to this final showcase. I will refer to her as M.

M had been accepted into a different music school here in Melbourne, also studying composition, and she was both a remarkable composer and an excellent violinist, particularly when it came to Baroque violin music. She had also been studying Indonesian language and music for a number of years, and gamelan was something which was particularly influential in her compositional style. In the weeks leading up to the final performance of our compositions I didn't really show much interest in anything apart from organising a new lineup of musicians and rehearsing with them (only the original harpsichordist and guitarist were available, organising new cellists was a nightmare since one broke up with me and another couldn't make the concert). What has been interesting to look back on was my rather unemotional behaviour at this point in time; I absolutely have no clue why M approached me or why we began to talk to one another and exchange contact details, but ultimately we did, and I think in some ways this helped me to adjust to everything that was new to me that year simply by having someone to talk to a bit more regularly.

M said she wanted to go out with me. I was taken aback. What was rather lucky for me was that I had two tickets (i got for free, i seem to usually have some luck in getting free tickets to things) to a concert that was part of the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra's annual new music festival. M had a real interest in music by people like Xenakis, Bartók, Lachenmann, Rodrigo, Boulez, Carter......basically the 20th and 21st centuries and particularly the avant-garde, so it seemed rather fitting to go see a few concerts featuring world premieres. We did this a few times. Between these outings, which were probably dates, but I was still quite unsure of myself, we would still end up meeting for coffees and talking to one another. M always came across as someone who was very accommodating and understanding when it came to how I felt about going out and the kind of things we would discuss. She would tell me to just go with flow and just do what feels right to me, as she did what felt right to her. Perhaps what made me less and less comfortable was that she wanted some kind of relationship that I didn't feel ready for at this point in the year, having been through a difficult breakup less than four months previously. I thoroughly enjoyed discussing things like culture, composition, music and language with her, but when it came to adding humour into our conversations, when it came to making jokes, I didn't feel like myself any more. It was as if I was trying to be someone I wasn't. She was cynical and sarcastic and blunt, and I am not. I began hiding parts of my personality from her which I was sure at the time she had no interest in. After a short while, the idea of even meeting up felt like a burden I would try to avoid at all costs. Once I recognised this, I told her as soon as I could that I would prefer not to enter into a relationship because I was feeling uncomfortable, still trying to cope with a previous breakup, not feeling myself, finding it difficult to relate to others in any meaningful way at all and I would have been a complete and utter let down to her if I continued going along with what she wanted any more. She called be a 'cunt' and blocked me from being able to contact her. Contacting her again wasn't something I particularly wanted to do anyway, but I was felt rather refreshed again after a while and I took the whole experience as something to learn from, something not to repeat again. I am most grateful that there was nothing intimate that came between us.

During this time, particularly when I was recognising my discomfort towards the end, I actually did begin to feel closer to three women, two I had known since school and one who offered to play cello in my composition in the final concert. All three of them had interesting stories regarding dating and relationships, and all three were attracted to other women as well coincidentally. I was extremely glad that with these friends I could open up and talk about how I had been feeling, share stories and receive advice from their own experience. I am still very good friends particularly with the one who played cello in my composition.

Fast forward to today: I do indeed have a few things organised in the coming weeks that I will do with a wonderful and inspiring woman from Munich. I have an incredibly strong feeling that there is no one with whom I will have ever felt more comfortable. I am so happy.

You write very well.

Thanks for taking the time to not just post, but also to be open about it. :) If you don't mind I'd like to pass comment on this part -

"What has been interesting to look back on was my rather unemotional behaviour at this point in time; I absolutely have no clue why M approached me or why we began to talk to one another and exchange contact details, but ultimately we did, and I think in some ways this helped me to adjust to everything that was new to me that year simply by having someone to talk to a bit more regularly."

- I almost smiled when reading this because over the years one of the few constants I've found is that although I've kind of always attracted women, the faintly disinterested/slightly aloof version of me has the most success. Sometimes I've either been genuinely distracted and at others just blissfully unaware. Of course, there are occasions when it's perhaps been more contrived.
In any case, in this instance it worked out in a positive manner by helping you make your way through such an uncharted year. And in the longer term, all such experiences are valuable, insightful and formative.

Generally it's cool to have something and someone to look forward to and I hope you've a great time with the woman from Munich. :) Take it easy, stay calm, regardless. And remember to keep breathing. Good stuff. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on July 31, 2017, 07:03:43 PM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on July 31, 2017, 04:09:28 PM
(singing) That girl you need gonna knock  you off your feet
That girl, that girl, that girl you need
That girl, that girl, that girl you need  8)

I'm very happy for you. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating. - When Breasts Attack-
Post by: snyprrr on August 01, 2017, 08:24:37 AM
don't do it snyprrr, just don't Post in this Thread, just let it ride...





(Well, OK??)



sorry, I know, I'm being lame,...  (he may be too giddy to talk right now, poor fella, lol)


Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 01, 2017, 02:52:09 PM
Quote from: NikF on July 31, 2017, 07:02:52 PM
You write very well.

Thanks for taking the time to not just post, but also to be open about it. :) If you don't mind I'd like to pass comment on this part -

"What has been interesting to look back on was my rather unemotional behaviour at this point in time; I absolutely have no clue why M approached me or why we began to talk to one another and exchange contact details, but ultimately we did, and I think in some ways this helped me to adjust to everything that was new to me that year simply by having someone to talk to a bit more regularly."

- I almost smiled when reading this because over the years one of the few constants I've found is that although I've kind of always attracted women, the faintly disinterested/slightly aloof version of me has the most success. Sometimes I've either been genuinely distracted and at others just blissfully unaware. Of course, there are occasions when it's perhaps been more contrived.
In any case, in this instance it worked out in a positive manner by helping you make your way through such an uncharted year. And in the longer term, all such experiences are valuable, insightful and formative.

Generally it's cool to have something and someone to look forward to and I hope you've a great time with the woman from Munich. :) Take it easy, stay calm, regardless. And remember to keep breathing. Good stuff. 8)


And thank you so much for taking the time to read it. ^_^

I think the best thing of all is that we all have our own way of interacting with one another, just as we all have personalities which are unique. Personally, I like to take things slowly and connect with people on a very deep, intellectual and emotional level, otherwise I am just fine making my own way in the world. (Probably the reason I don't go on dates with people very often at all)

Thank you for your response! It does mean a lot, and the next few weeks I hope will be absolutely wonderful. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 03, 2017, 06:38:12 AM
The difference between the story I wrote earlier and what is happening in my life at the moment is that currently I feel comfortable like I've never felt it before. Everything seems so right and as it should be. The experience from last year was uncomfortable and unsure; it was the absolute opposite of how I feel in my current situation.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 04, 2017, 10:00:15 PM
Quote from: jessop on August 03, 2017, 06:38:12 AM
The difference between the story I wrote earlier and what is happening in my life at the moment is that currently I feel comfortable like I've never felt it before. Everything seems so right and as it should be. The experience from last year was uncomfortable and unsure; it was the absolute opposite of how I feel in my current situation.

That's great. With everything you've got going on it sounds like you're in a particularly good place in your life right now. Continue to enjoy it, all of it. :)

e: And as I said, remember to keep breathing. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 04, 2017, 10:02:21 PM
On grey Friday night I had a date with a woman who wore a pair of cosmetic/fashion contact lenses which gave the impression of her eyes having permanent catchlights from a ring flash. Mildly disconcerting (although perhaps in part that's the intention) but when it comes down to it I'm a man, and so throughout the evening I still successfully managed to maintain eye contact for durations longer than 1/10000s at a time.
Apart from that she was smart, naturally provocative and unnaturally blonde, and she was slim and kind of leggy and dressed in that red with ease.
Later I accepted the invitation back to her place where on the sofa and without shame she slowly and confidently revealed herself to be an unadulterated f-cking snob. But in some ways, sometimes, when it suits, all of us can be a little bit of a bad egg.
I strongly believe I'll see her again.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 05, 2017, 08:04:56 PM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 05, 2017, 02:56:07 AM

Tonight I went to see Ravel's Daphnis...and there was a super pretty, attractive lady sitting beside me. I tried several times to engage in conversation but she seemed as nervous as I was.

Yeah, that's the way it goes sometimes, because if a woman is interested she'll make it easy for you to talk with her even if she's shy or something.
You'll gain more experience via getting out and about and meeting women in different scenarios, and so you'll learn to recognise if it's even worth your while trying. Don't get me wrong, I always make one (easy to rebuff) attempt, but if she's not interested I just forget about it.
Ravel? How cool. 8) You should go to the ballet. Seriously, if you haven't seen this before invest 30 minutes or so of your life in checking it out; the Daphnis et Chloe of Ballets de Monte-Carlo with choreography by Maillot.

http://www.youtube.com/v/1s9vEQsTGyg

Quote
Plus, I had a pair of jeans on that hadn't fully dried yet, which probably made me smell like a homeless person.

;D I remember taking my seat at a concert and finding myself next to a woman approximately my age and attractive and who even seated had a fine posture which she (unconsciously) adjusted the way some women do when a man approaches. So I nodded "hello" and received a smile and sat and started reading my book. I knew she was checking my book/me out in her peripheral vision. Everything was cool. A few minutes before the start of the concert I closed the book, kind of rearranged myself and sat relaxed with my hands in front of me - and I could almost feel her shudder... She didn't even try to hide where she was looking. And so I followed the dotted line and it led to my left hand. Two of the nails looked like they had been gnawed on halfway down and under what was left of them there appeared to be some form of black matter.  ??? 
I've no idea. I've always carried a little emery board/nail file with me and so my nails are always well groomed.

Quote
Also, while I was waiting for the but I saw that redhead from the coffee shop I said about, but she was with a dude and it looked like they had been on a date or something......yeah...... :-[

That's life. But there are plenty more fish in the barrel. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 06, 2017, 07:49:41 PM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 05, 2017, 08:23:46 PM
Well for me, that means 2 down, 3 to go  ;)

There are so many girls around, being Uni and all, that there really is nothing to loose! (except for your house and credit rate  :laugh: )

That girl at the concert though, I didn't really notice her at first. I thought she was some lady in her 60s (having only seen her from my peripheral vision before I sat down). Then I was reading the program notes and my eyes started to drift left a little and then a little more and then I saw she was wearing stockings (which looked bloody hot on her). Then when some other people where walking though (meaning we had to hop up to let them through), we locked eyes for a split second and I almost fainted  :-* She looked around 24 maybe, amazing curly black hair and wearing some nice clothes.

Several times I attempted to joke with her about the wait between pieces (there was Schumann's Carnival orch. by Ravel and Schumann's Piano concerto too). Well I didn't succeed but I tried  ;)


Oh yeah, in my actual Uni classes there are three girls (all quite different in character). One of them seems to be really into modern music, which will help with conversation but I don't know if she's single or not...blah blah. She's tall, American (well in accent at least), you know that sexy vibe tall (not taller than me but..) girls can evoke?  :D
Another girl looks like one from a music class I had 3 years ago but I can't tell yet. She's got an amazing face. Then that girl that sits next to me in my music history class, we will see where that goes  ::)]

Yeah, I think I know what you mean by that tall girl vibe. It can really be something else. 8)

Chances are that almost all those girls you've mentioned are already aware that you're interested in them. And if the feeling is mutual they'll make conversations and stuff easy. Contrary to Internet BS there's no 'female hive mind', but generally speaking if a woman is interested in a man it'll be obvious. Sure, there are always exceptions, but never count on them. Just take it easy.
Quote

I'll check out that Ravel video, thanks Nik  8)

You're welcome. And that ballet probably isn't what you might expect. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 07, 2017, 12:33:54 AM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 06, 2017, 08:51:07 PM
On the other thing:
Yeah, the tall girl with long sexy legs, OMG  :-* (p.s. Don't get me too excited  :laugh: )

Most of the women I've known have either been much taller than me or much smaller. It's all good. But I do like when a woman is comfortable with having legs for days. For days. 8)

Anyway, all this picking up girls at concerts etc. I'll reiterate that the priority is the concert (or ballet or play or whatever) and anything else is a bonus. It's like this -

(http://i.imgur.com/sR2K2RO.jpg)

- 'x' marks the spot where I stand then lean, book in hand, seeing and being seen before making my way to the auditorium (and if jessop is reading this, just a reminder that I've long had my ticket for this concert  https://www.bbc.co.uk/events/e2pc8g ;D) and even if it's the usual case that I don't meet anyone, well, it's still part of a cool evening or afternoon. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 07, 2017, 08:52:45 PM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 07, 2017, 06:59:50 PM
She wants to hang out, which is awesome!  :D


edit: looks like we're gonna get a coffee tomorrow afternoon  8)

Good stuff. Remember if you're interested in being more than her buddy to behave as more than her buddy from the outset.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 07, 2017, 09:00:09 PM
I've just realised the ticket I've got for the 'Matthias Pintscher Conducts Choi/Hosokawa/Takemitsu/Vivier concert mentioned above coincides with another concert I recently bought a ticket for -  Rachmaninov Vocalise/Kidane Zulu/Rachmaninov Piano Concerto No3/Shostakovich Symphony 12 - on the same evening And the thing is, last night my neighbour (amateur violinist) asked if I could get her a ticket for the Pintscher concert. Decisions...

e: my neighbour is warm and attractive and cool. We already dated but I stopped seeing her and we just keep it friendly now. But she seems really keen on the Pintscher concert and so I'll probably go to that. Bonus: make people who can't go to it jealous.  8) :laugh:
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 08, 2017, 02:11:44 AM
Quote from: NikF on August 07, 2017, 09:00:09 PM
I've just realised the ticket I've got for the 'Matthias Pintscher Conducts Choi/Hosokawa/Takemitsu/Vivier concert mentioned above coincides with another concert I recently bought a ticket for -  Rachmaninov Vocalise/Kidane Zulu/Rachmaninov Piano Concerto No3/Shostakovich Symphony 12 - on the same evening And the thing is, last night my neighbour (amateur violinist) asked if I could get her a ticket for the Pintscher concert. Decisions...

e: my neighbour is warm and attractive and cool. We already dated but I stopped seeing her and we just keep it friendly now. But she seems really keen on the Pintscher concert and so I'll probably go to that. Bonus: make people who can't go to it jealous.  8) :laugh:

Gosh darn i wish I could go to that!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 08, 2017, 04:41:16 AM
Quote from: jessop on August 08, 2017, 02:11:44 AM
Gosh darn i wish I could go to that!!!!!!!!!

;D

I'm definitely going to the Pintscher concert; the programme being all new music to me and maybe even a little out my comfort zone is too much of an opportunity to miss. 8)
And I might have a chance in the morning of the concert to spectate at the chorus rehearsal for an upcoming performance of Brahms: Ein Deutsches Requiem.
The bonus of sharing it with my charming neighbour makes for a cool day and evening. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 09, 2017, 12:21:11 AM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 08, 2017, 10:36:05 PM
So it wasn't exactly a "date" (yet) but it certainly went more than well. She was so happy to see me and we get a coffee and talked nonstop for a whole two hours  :o

Well I can say for sure that I've had a fucking awesome day  :-*



Got a test tomorrow though at Uni   :'(

I'm so happy for you! I hope you are both equally interested in each other and I hope soon everything will just keep getting better and better. :)

(Good luck with the test)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 09, 2017, 12:25:34 AM
I've been having a wonderful time with my girlfriend here, showing her around and will be seeing some concerts, art, going for walks around the city and some parks etc. And I'll probably post a photo of us on Facebook and here. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 09, 2017, 08:36:23 AM
Good stuff, guys. Good stuff.  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 12, 2017, 12:04:58 AM
I had a casual date last night with the blonde I spoke of recently (the one who wore cosmetic contacts) and it was fun and stuff. It's easy and  I'm comfortable in that kind of scenario.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 12, 2017, 12:54:35 AM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 12, 2017, 12:37:48 AM


I'm not desperate but I'm working towards being very prolific in the art of asking the female species out and the that stuff.

The more I fail the more I don't care.

Somehow I don't think I'll end up dating the girl from last week (who is just a hang out once a week kind of friend by the looks of it) but who knows?


There are several girls that I'm ready to pounce on  ;) (I'm being facetious of course  ??? )
Let's see how this week turns out, I already feel a different person this week  :o

Glad to hear it. :)

Yeah, don't be afraid to fail. More exactly, don't be afraid to fail at anything. The worst thing about failure is that it can eventually stop people trying or at least trying their best. So don't be afraid of failing at anything; dating, friendships, creative pursuits, baking bread etc. :laugh:
Keep moving forward. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 15, 2017, 03:19:53 PM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 09, 2017, 01:01:43 AM
You and her are an amazing anomaly  ;D
Such a crazy and unexpected (me finding out later on) turn of events, I'm very happy that you're both having a great time. It must be so surreal  :o

Great to hear, best wishes Jessop  8)

Thank you! It's a lot of fun. Here's us when we went to see Lohengrin recently:

(https://scontent-syd2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/20768131_281093732296646_28803036085703794_n.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=16ba9ecb1dcb65acfc23b2899079102f&oe=5A1A830A)

(Both of us are happy to share this photo, sorry it's a bit blurry and badly lit though hahah)

:)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: aleazk on August 15, 2017, 04:50:52 PM
She's very pretty, and, from what I recall based on a few brief chats I had with her some months ago, very nice too. I hope everything goes well.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 16, 2017, 01:32:59 AM
Quote from: jessop on August 15, 2017, 03:19:53 PM

(https://scontent-syd2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/20768131_281093732296646_28803036085703794_n.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=16ba9ecb1dcb65acfc23b2899079102f&oe=5A1A830A)

(Both of us are happy to share this photo, sorry it's a bit blurry and badly lit though hahah)

:)

It could be even more underexposed and poorly lit, but the joy and happiness you both exude would still shine through. :)
Good stuff.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 16, 2017, 01:36:38 AM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 15, 2017, 10:20:19 PM
"Nothing really matters, anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me
Any way the wind blows
"

:-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

(I had an amazing experience with a girl that I know, let's just say I'm euphoric   8)
)

Give us a clue? Animal, vegetable, mineral? Metaphysical and abstract? Or earthly and palpable? Nice and sweet? Or "Dear forum, I am currently seeking an alibi"?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 16, 2017, 01:54:14 AM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 16, 2017, 01:44:15 AM
Right now I'm in both a state of disbelief and euphoria. I can't believe this happened!

I truly can't stop smiling  8)


http://www.youtube.com/v/535Zy_rf4NU
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 16, 2017, 05:45:42 AM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 16, 2017, 02:10:44 AM
I've been with a decent amount of girls in my time so far but as for 2017, the year of University and coffee: not so impressive up to this point.
But this point is now a turning point  8)

This girl was my first catch of the year, she's wow  ;D

Good. And I believe it needs to be said that you did the right thing by wrapping it up. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 16, 2017, 06:43:54 AM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 15, 2017, 11:34:40 PM
Congrats again J. I'm glad it's turned out really well for both of you  :D

(ps. Does she live in Melbourne now?)
Nah she doesn't live here. I am currently working towards doing a postgraduate degree in Munich, where she lives.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 16, 2017, 06:48:23 AM
I am really curious as to terms such as 'pursue' and 'catch' when it comes to meeting 'girls' as I'm very unfamiliar with this kind of terminology and what it implies. Perhaps Alien could shed some light on the philosophy or personality that these words come from? Is it an extension of the 'plenty more fish in the sea' metaphor/aphorism?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: snyprrr on August 16, 2017, 07:56:59 AM
I thought it said "Ranting or not ranting" :-[ :-\ :P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: aleazk on August 16, 2017, 05:47:41 PM
Meh not dating. Only bad experiences in this department, so I decided to quit, since there's a limit in the amount of sh*t I can take before it starts to interfere with my mental health. I guess I will have to be one of those persons that devote their life to their work. Certainly solitary, but I'm rather used to it by now.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 17, 2017, 12:51:43 AM
Quote from: aleazk on August 16, 2017, 05:47:41 PM
Meh not dating. Only bad experiences in this department, so I decided to quit, since there's a limit in the amount of sh*t I can take before it starts to interfere with my mental health. I guess I will have to be one of those persons that devote their life to their work. Certainly solitary, but I'm rather used to it by now.

Sometimes all it takes is to do nothing. If your life is in order and you're regularly doing stuff in proximity to others, meeting someone can then be avoidable.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 17, 2017, 03:40:21 AM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 16, 2017, 01:30:38 PM
Persue = Exactly what it means otherwise, just applied to dating?  :P

Catch = Finally having sex with someone you know.


Umm, I don't know what else to say there....


Have you been pursued then and is that why you describe it thus? I've never thought of using that word nor did I ever think that the purpose for meeting peoole was intercourse, but it is interesting to get an insight into how you relate to the people you wish to be close with.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: ComposerOfAvantGarde on August 17, 2017, 04:33:05 AM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on August 17, 2017, 04:10:22 AM
Colloquial terms dude, colloquial terms  :laugh:

Human relationships and desires vary.
Sometimes two people just want pleasure, other times they want long-term dedicated relationships.

Not everything works out for everyone, not everyone wants or can handle long-term commitments for various reasons.
I had a lucky night, doesn't happen often but sometimes you meet someone who also needs to let go of stress, in this case through sex.

It's all perfectly fine as long as you're both completely honest and genuine with each other. I'm still looking for a proper girlfriend though, I'll happen sooner or later. Dating is still my game, I feel far more relaxed and confident with life right now  :)

Yes I think it's fascinating to hear how different it is for everyone. I do hope you feel relaxed and confident; I wouldn't feel myself if I wasn't relaxed and comfortable with the way things are in life (becuase 'relaxed' and 'comfortable about myself' is my natural state of being).

How different is your approach to finding a girlfriend than finding someone for some sex?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: aleazk on August 17, 2017, 07:12:45 AM
Quote from: NikF on August 17, 2017, 12:51:43 AM
Sometimes all it takes is to do nothing. If your life is in order and you're regularly doing stuff in proximity to others, meeting someone can then be avoidable.

Ha life in order...ha  :P
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 17, 2017, 07:49:42 AM
Quote from: aleazk on August 17, 2017, 07:12:45 AM
Ha life in order...ha  :P

Quite often all that entails is making inroads to doing things like eating and sleeping properly, taking some exercise or even a walk on a regular basis. When those are taken care of then other stuff can fall nicely into place.  :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: aleazk on August 17, 2017, 08:13:47 AM
Quote from: NikF on August 17, 2017, 07:49:42 AM
Quite often all that entails is making inroads to doing things like eating and sleeping properly, taking some exercise or even a walk on a regular basis. When those are taken care of then other stuff can fall nicely into place.  :)

Yes, I know that's so true, since when I had better habits I felt much better. But it's a bit difficult for me to do it now because I'm having a hard time dealing with the containers of shit thrown at me by life in the recent past.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Rinaldo on August 18, 2017, 08:40:03 AM
Quote from: aleazk on August 17, 2017, 08:13:47 AM
Yes, I know that's so true, since when I had better habits I felt much better. But it's a bit difficult for me to do it now because I'm having a hard time dealing with the containers of shit thrown at me by life in the recent past.

I hear ya. Been there, still am in certain areas. But I'm slowly getting back into shape, both mentally and physically. Re-started exercising recently and while it hurts, I also feel much better and am able to sleep better. Makes all the difference.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on August 27, 2017, 09:38:55 AM
Time for updates. Put the kettle on.

My neighbour has work in the morning which means it's an early night. We dated a while back and I wasn't comfortable with it and stopped. But now we've been getting together whenever we feel like it. I don't know what happens next, but she's a nice person and I'm cool with where it's at right now.
(for anyone following my soap opera love life, she's the amateur violinist who holds alternative spiritual beliefs.)


Interlude.


I'll now mention my best friend (and assistant/arch nemesis etc) Iain, who at the age of 29 is living with someone for the first time. He said he would never do it, that he enjoyed the single life and his own space and all that. But he started dating a girl he worked with (a model) and having mustered enough manliness to quit being a self entitled special snowflake and thereafter refrain from ever being all whining and needy, they're shacking up together. She's lovely and warm and beautiful (and 19) while he's a cool and good guy. I'm happy for them both. God(s) bless their little cotton socks.



Interlude over.



The perils of being outside and making eye contact and smiling at strangers continues to prove itself to be a clear and present danger.

Last week I was walking home from town in the late morning and light rain.
Passing the entrance ramp to the supermarket I approached a part of the pavement broad enough for only two.
I looked up to see crossing the little road a small woman carrying a big bag in each hand.
The hood of her jacket was partially raised, she was wearing glasses and had well formed full lips painted with a plum colour lipstick.
By this point I knew what was going to happen next.
As we reached each other she smiled, lowered her chin a little and said hello.
Do you know what my thought was right then? I bet you don't. But here's some space for you to consider what it was.

You lose.
I thought "She's Persian".
Again, I knew what was going to happen next.
She kept eye contact, slowed down and then stopped.
I stopped too.
She had done her part and now it was my turn.
I asked if I knew her from somewhere because she seemed familiar, although that was a lot of crap because I'd never seen her before in my life.
But she knew that it was crap and chose to play along, instead telling me that she sees me in the supermarket sometimes.
I still had no idea who she was.
Unless a stranger makes it clear that they don't even want looked at I'll usually say hello or at least smile. So that's a lot of women I've *smiled at.
It was still raining and we were selfishly blocking the narrow part of the pavement.
We agreed the next time we were both shopping in the same place to say hello.
I told her to make a point of it.


*I also smile at cats and dogs, babies, old people, joggers, gardeners, buskers, content creators, shopgirls,  postmen, cops, morlocks, retired majors who long for the days of the raj, amateur photographers, Jim Hutton as Ellery Queen, religious types, fanbois, militant lesbians, cinematographers on rollerskates, organ grinders but not their monkeys, and gangs of street urchin thugs who would mug you without hesitation. But not at insurance salesmen, because that just encourages them.

Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Sergeant Rock on August 27, 2017, 11:45:55 AM
Quote from: NikF on August 27, 2017, 09:38:55 AM

*I also smile at cats and dogs, babies, old people, joggers, gardeners, buskers, content creators, shopgirls,  postmen, cops, morlocks, retired majors who long for the days of the raj, amateur photographers, Jim Hutton as Ellery Queen, religious types, fanbois, militant lesbians, cinematographers on rollerskates, organ grinders but not their monkeys, and gangs of street urchin thugs who would mug you without hesitation. But not at insurance salesmen, because that just encourages them.

My best friend owns an insurance agency. I'll have to show him that paragraph  ;D

Sarge
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 04, 2017, 02:02:15 PM
I suppose I'll add a little bit to this thread since I was on a brief hiatus:

I dated a woman from work for a few weeks, but she ended up being not for me. She was incredibly jealous whenever I would talk to another woman. Trust issues are most definitely something that will run people off. Perhaps she was hurt in the past? I'm not sure, but that's certainly not my problem and wasn't going to be. I could also tell that she's too controlling. I feel bad for whoever gets stuck with her. I cut her off before anything could materialize. I've got to say though that she was easy on the eyes, but that's not reason enough to stay.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 04, 2017, 03:23:34 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on September 04, 2017, 02:02:15 PM
I suppose I'll add a little bit to this thread since I was on a brief hiatus:

I dated a woman from work for a few weeks, but she ended up being not for me. She was incredibly jealous whenever I would talk to another woman. Trust issues are most definitely something that will run people off. Perhaps she was hurt in the past? I'm not sure, but that's certainly not my problem and wasn't going to be. I could also tell that she's too controlling. I feel bad for whoever gets stuck with her. I cut her off before anything could materialize. I've got to say though that she was easy on the eyes, but that's not reason enough to stay.

Exactly.
And while a loonball can be a freak in bed it's usually not worth it in a '...on your own doorstep' kind of way.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 04, 2017, 03:35:17 PM
Quote from: NikF on September 04, 2017, 03:23:34 PM
Exactly.
And while a loonball can be a freak in bed it's usually not worth it in a '...on your own doorstep' kind of way.

If one wants something deeper and more meaningful, then, obviously, a nutcase like this woman I was dating, is out of the question.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 06, 2017, 06:43:02 PM
Well....I've got a bit of a story to add after thinking it was going to be months before I contributed to this thread, but by golly something great happened tonight!

Here's the lowdown:

A customer came over to the bakery (where I don't actually bake anything and eat the profits ;) ) as I was about to put some hot french bread out in our baskets and we chatted a bit, but told her to have a good night and we were off on our separate ways (or so I thought). I've seen this woman before as we spoke for quite awhile when she was in the store many months ago. As I was coming back into the department, I noticed she was out on the floor looking around in my department, but there was a customer waiting to put in a cake order, so I helped them. In the corner of my eye, I noticed she was just kind hanging around and 'looking' like she was browsing, but she would every now and again glance up at me. After I finished helping the customer with the cake order, she came up to the counter. She asked me for the price of some cookies she was looking at, but I knew there was a motive behind why she was still hanging around. I could tell she was a bit nervous. Anyway, she asked me out! Yes, a woman asked me out and this hasn't happened to me since I was in my late teens. I got a piece of paper for her to write her number down for me and we actually chatted a bit more. She said she wanted to ask me out the last time we spoke, but saw that I had already left for the night. She's 24 yrs. old, a brunette with gorgeous blue eyes, a couple of inches taller than me, and quite a nice body. I'm playing it cool and I'll probably call her tomorrow night to see if she'd like to grab a cup of coffee or have a late dinner Friday or Saturday night. I'm feeling pretty great right now and it's so nice to be on the other side of things for change. Wish me luck everyone! 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on September 07, 2017, 12:35:28 AM
Quote from: Mirror Image on September 06, 2017, 06:43:02 PM
Well....I've got a bit of a story to add after thinking it was going to be months before I contributed to this thread, but by golly something great happened tonight!

Here's the lowdown:

A customer came over to the bakery (where I don't actually bake anything and eat the profits ;) ) as I was about to put some hot french bread out in our baskets and we chatted a bit, but told her to have a good night and we were off on our separate ways (or so I thought). I've seen this woman before as we spoke for quite awhile when she was in the store many months ago. As I was coming back into the department, I noticed she was out on the floor looking around in my department, but there was a customer waiting to put in a cake order, so I helped them. In the corner of my eye, I noticed she was just kind hanging around and 'looking' like she was browsing, but she would every now and again glance up at me. After I finished helping the customer with the cake order, she came up to the counter. She asked me for the price of some cookies she was looking at, but I knew there was a motive behind why she was still hanging around. I could tell she was a bit nervous. Anyway, she asked me out! Yes, a woman asked me out and this hasn't happened to me since I was in my late teens. I got a piece of paper for her to write her number down for me and we actually chatted a bit more. She said she wanted to ask me out the last time we spoke, but saw that I had already left for the night. She's 24 yrs. old, a brunette with gorgeous blue eyes, a couple of inches taller than me, and quite a nice body. I'm playing it cool and I'll probably call her tomorrow night to see if she'd like to grab a cup of coffee or have a late dinner Friday or Saturday night. I'm feeling pretty great right now and it's so nice to be on the other side of things for change. Wish me luck everyone! 8)

Good stuff. And because she was interested enough to ask for your number it can only go downhill from there, so keep playing it cool.
Luck is BS. Just make a firm date and take it easy. And remember to keep breathing
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 07, 2017, 05:17:58 AM
Quote from: NikF on September 07, 2017, 12:35:28 AM
Good stuff. And because she was interested enough to ask for your number it can only go downhill from there, so keep playing it cool.
Luck is BS. Just make a firm date and take it easy. And remember to keep breathing

Actually, she gave me her number. ;) She has practically done all of the hard work for me already. ;D
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 07, 2017, 05:22:40 PM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on September 07, 2017, 04:52:28 PM

Holy fuck that's awesome  :o

I can just imagine after that, I'd have a huge smile on my face all night  :D

Best wishes!  :)

Thanks, Josh! Yeah, my mind was pretty much in the clouds for the rest of the night. :)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 07, 2017, 07:21:33 PM
My new lady friend and I have been talking pretty much all day either texting or actually on the phone. She's a lovely person. We'll be getting together on Sunday for hopefully a nice dinner and walk around to do a bit of window shopping. Notching fancy --- just two people enjoying each other's company.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Ken B on September 07, 2017, 07:24:29 PM
Good luck!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on September 07, 2017, 07:30:43 PM
Quote from: Ken B on September 07, 2017, 07:24:29 PM
Good luck!

Thanks, Ken!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: MN Dave on September 27, 2017, 04:59:14 AM
Is it too big? Is it too small? Will the girls like it. Sex, sex, sex!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on October 01, 2017, 06:29:35 PM
Quote from: α | ì Æ ñ on September 27, 2017, 03:00:39 PM
Speaking in the current.......there is this girl  ;)

Excellent! Do keep us informed. 8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on October 01, 2017, 09:18:19 PM
Quote from: Mirror Image on September 07, 2017, 07:21:33 PM
My new lady friend and I have been talking pretty much all day either texting or actually on the phone. She's a lovely person. We'll be getting together on Sunday for hopefully a nice dinner and walk around to do a bit of window shopping. Notching fancy --- just two people enjoying each other's company.
Good news John. Hope this works out for you.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Mirror Image on October 02, 2017, 06:52:09 AM
Quote from: vandermolen on October 01, 2017, 09:18:19 PM
Good news John. Hope this works out for you.

Thanks, Jeffrey, but this didn't work out as there were some serious issues on her end that I simply couldn't accept, so we parted ways after our first date.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: NikF on November 10, 2017, 04:47:19 AM
On an early summer evening I was standing near the road with my back to a sheltered kiosk that sold cigarettes and alcohol. I was wearing a a stone coloured unstructured linen suit, navy blue fitted shirt, brown boots and sunglasses. Behind the sunglasses my eyes were closed and I was calmly, patiently listening, waiting to hear. And soon there was the expected reward; there's the hiss and the slam, and finally the sound of a ball bearing being dropped on concrete, almost instantly followed by a second of similar volume and pitch. As soon as those sounds fully registered they were repeated by another two ball bearings dropping, then a further two, no, four, then more but all in multiples of two, a bucket of ball bearings being poured and landing and tapping and echoing together until they scattered in all directions, slowly fading and becoming distant. Opening my eyes I looked at the source - the almost ubiquitous clicking high heels being worn by the well groomed and beautifully feminine women as they alighted the trolley bus and carefully but confidently stepped on to and along the pavement. Finally one of them - a miniature of perfect proportions - directly approached me and turned her cheek up to be kissed, at the same time handing over a small carrier bag with inside a now empty jar that had just recently contained a home prepared lunch, but originally held Beluga caviar. Formalities over, she took my arm and we walked home.
I lived and worked in Russia. And I dated a number of Russian women. From time to time I'll post my thoughts based on my experience of dating them.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: Parsifal on November 10, 2017, 10:06:55 AM
Quote from: NikF on November 10, 2017, 04:47:19 AM
On an early summer evening I was standing near the road with my back to a sheltered kiosk that sold cigarettes and alcohol. I was wearing a a stone coloured unstructured linen suit, navy blue fitted shirt, brown boots and sunglasses. Behind the sunglasses my eyes were closed and I was calmly, patiently listening, waiting to hear. And soon there was the expected reward; there's the hiss and the slam, and finally the sound of a ball bearing being dropped on concrete, almost instantly followed by a second of similar volume and pitch. As soon as those sounds fully registered they were repeated by another two ball bearings dropping, then a further two, no, four, then more but all in multiples of two, a bucket of ball bearings being poured and landing and tapping and echoing together until they scattered in all directions, slowly fading and becoming distant. Opening my eyes I looked at the source - the almost ubiquitous clicking high heels being worn by the well groomed and beautifully feminine women as they alighted the trolley bus and carefully but confidently stepped on to and along the pavement. Finally one of them - a miniature of perfect proportions - directly approached me and turned her cheek up to be kissed, at the same time handing over a small carrier bag with inside a now empty jar that had just recently contained a home prepared lunch, but originally held Beluga caviar. Formalities over, she took my arm and we walked home.
I lived and worked in Russia. And I dated a number of Russian women. From time to time I'll post my thoughts based on my experience of dating them.

Mysterious. She was stealing ball bearings from the Soviet factory where she worked, and they started tumbling out of her satchel after the bottom seam ripped?
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: You did it on November 20, 2017, 11:24:30 PM
I don't know if this is dating-related or not because no advancements have been made on either of our parts BUT there is this girl in one of my lecture classes that 'broke the ice' right off the bat. Now it's not someone I've seen or met before (so a beginning of a fresh friendship at the very least!) BUT we are literally (and I mean literally properly) from the same neighbourhood, same town, same college (when we where in our teens), same music teachers and everything.  :o

Now I'm not saying that I even intend anything serious or think about her in any intimate way (maybe unlike some of the girls I had the hots for in previous trimesters, that I didn't get far with) but I can tell straight away that she is a really nice, friendly and intelligent person, who will definitely make a great friend (if not girlfriend, as I still want something intimate of that sort to some degree, although I'm by far not desperate).
Note, this has all fallen into place by itself.

What I have learned or been proven from this, is that life can really surprise you in amazingly coincidental ways! It's quite inspiring, the idea. You can never know what to expect: which is a positive thing  :D  8)
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on November 21, 2017, 02:32:12 AM
Quote from: Le Moderniste on November 20, 2017, 11:24:30 PM
I don't know if this is dating-related or not because no advancements have been made on either of our parts BUT there is this girl in one of my lecture classes that 'broke the ice' right off the bat. Now it's not someone I've seen or met before (so a beginning of a fresh friendship at the very least!) BUT we are literally (and I mean literally properly) from the same neighbourhood, same town, same college (when we where in our teens), same music teachers and everything.  :o

Now I'm not saying that I even intend anything serious or think about her in any intimate way (maybe unlike some of the girls I had the hots for in previous trimesters, that I didn't get far with) but I can tell straight away that she is a really nice, friendly and intelligent person, who will definitely make a great friend (if not girlfriend, as I still want something intimate of that sort to some degree, although I'm by far not desperate).
Note, this has all fallen into place by itself.

What I have learned or been proven from this, is that life can really surprise you in amazingly coincidental ways! It's quite inspiring, the idea. You can never know what to expect: which is a positive thing  :D  8)
'Give up and you will succeed' (Taoist saying)

Hope it works out for you. Relationships which develop from friendships are, in my limited experience, more likely to turn into something lasting.
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: You did it on November 22, 2017, 01:46:22 AM
Quote from: vandermolen on November 21, 2017, 02:32:12 AM
'Give up and you will succeed' (Taoist saying)

Hope it works out for you. Relationships which develop from friendships are, in my limited experience, more likely to turn into something lasting.

Thanks Vandermolen, I know that she and I will both share a similar level of stress at the end of the week (given the amount of work the class has to get through)  :laugh:

Outside of just the incredible situation with her, I know I'm gonna really enjoy this class  8) and probably make more friends there too!
Title: Re: Dating or not dating.
Post by: vandermolen on November 22, 2017, 01:50:21 AM
Quote from: Le Moderniste on November 22, 2017, 01:46:22 AM
Thanks Vandermolen, I know that she and I will both share a similar level of stress at the end of the week (given the amount of work the class has to get through)  :laugh:

Outside of just the incredible situation with her, I know I'm gonna really enjoy this class  8) and probably make more friends there too!

Good to hear and hope it all goes well for you.
:)