Author Topic: I dont know how long I can take this...  (Read 969 times)

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Offline AlberichUndHagen

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I dont know how long I can take this...
« on: December 24, 2019, 05:42:02 AM »

As some people here may already know I have lost both my other sister and my mother because they have committed suicide years ago although several years separating those suicides. Now no doubt due to those tragedies a certain family member of mine has gotten a disease which while in itself seems to have no danger to that person, I am still extremely worried and anxious for this persons mental health because the pains of that person have recently in increasing manner prevented of that person seeing me. This may be because of stress and for trying to spare my feelings due to seeing from my face that I am anxious which leads in trying to suppress the symptoms which only makes them worse. The person in question often suggests meetings only to often cancel them at the last minute because of the pain. I am afraid to ask whether the person in question can even see friends or does this happen only with me. We are very close to each other but today we quarreled briefly over meaningless things and because of pain making things worse. I am afraid we're headed towards another tragedy and perhaps suicide if the person in question soon becomes completely isolated due to illness. I am trying to support but my mental strength is close to a breaking point. Our fight today even included tears from that other person. That person may be able to meet other people but family matters have become so painful to me it is impossible to ask. Christmas is anxietyridden time for both of us. The person only managed to come over to spend the christmas in my house because a certain other family member was able to drive that person at my house otherwise the pain would have prevented it. We both also have ocd which makes matters unbelievably hard. And thats not even mentioning that my therapy sessions are ending and i'm possibly left with nothing. Frustrating also that that person had even surgery which didnt help the symptoms at all. It took almost five horribly hard years full of anxiety to get over my last tragedy. I am not sure if I or my other loved ones can survive a third one. I hope my fears are without foundation.

Offline steve ridgway

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2019, 06:04:17 AM »
Christmas and other anniversaries can be dreadful for focussing attention on the past. I'm afraid I'm no good at offering advice in these situations, I'd probably try to concentrate on what can be enjoyed in the present moment, things in the external world outside the family history.

Offline JBS

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2019, 06:10:51 AM »
We're all here to at least listen, even if we can't physically be with you.  But if you need to yell and scream and vent here, don't be afraid to do it.

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2019, 06:37:14 AM »
We're all here to at least listen, even if we can't physically be with you.  But if you need to yell and scream and vent here, don't be afraid to do it.

Truly.
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Offline Mirror Image

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2019, 07:39:44 AM »
We're all here to at least listen, even if we can't physically be with you.  But if you need to yell and scream and vent here, don't be afraid to do it.

+ 1

I don’t like to see anyone else in pain, but I’m hoping things get better for you, Alberich.
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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2019, 12:07:33 AM »
I'm thinking about you and if you ever need someone to talk to you can message me or we can talk in this thread.

Offline Que

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #6 on: December 26, 2019, 03:18:09 AM »
It's terrible to read about your predicament. Keeping focused on the present and future was a good advice.
I can imagine that the fear of another personal loss can be terrifying. I might face one myself soon.
Talking about it might help, and the best those around you can do is listen.

All the best, Que


Offline Baron Scarpia

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #7 on: December 26, 2019, 08:58:26 PM »
I've very distressed to read of your difficult circumstances. I don't know what advice to give, except that everyone, including your loved ones and family members, is responsible for his or her own happiness. You can listen and be supportive and offer help, but there is a limit to what you can do. People in the most difficult conditions can be happy and people blessed with good health and material advantages can be miserable. Focus on what you find valuable in life, care for yourself, and be patient with loved ones in need.
« Last Edit: December 27, 2019, 01:13:57 AM by Ratliff »

Offline vandermolen

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2019, 12:50:10 AM »
We're all here to at least listen, even if we can't physically be with you.  But if you need to yell and scream and vent here, don't be afraid to do it.
I would definitely reiterate this view. It sounds like you need support at the moment. Please tell us more if you would like to. Christmas can be a very difficult time for many people.
All strength to you.
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Offline Cato

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #9 on: December 27, 2019, 05:01:26 AM »
On a road which I must travel to my school, a banner is placed outside of a house every year around December 20th.

The banner shows three young men, ages 17 to 20, with their names, and underneath the words say:

"Killed By a Drunken Driver, December 24, 2004."

I mourn for the family every year: this is my 13th year driving past it.  Can you imagine their horror on that Christmas Eve in 2004, when they lost three sons all at once?

I do not know this family, but they have the courage to place this banner in their front yard every year.  Undoubtedly they have anguish unimaginable, and yet they persist in their efforts to remind others of alcohol's results when mixed with a car.

Life must persist, and it will persist: we have been given the freedom to choose what we should do with our tragedies, events which will affect us, and change us in some way, or perhaps make us more of what we already are.  In rare cases a person might remain unaffected by a terrible event.  In any case, we have the freedom to control our reactions to these events: we can let the tragedies control us, or define us, if that is our decision. 

Or we can decide that our lives will move forward, even with the pain, even with the melancholy of wishes for a Life devoid of the terrible things, even with the fear that more such things await us.  And we move forward better, if we can find even a little joy, remember a little happiness, and move outside of ourselves to notice that God or Divinity or the Universe or whatever you wish to call it, offers us great and wonderful things to experience, to create, and to share with one another.

Best Wishes!
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Offline AlberichUndHagen

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2019, 08:12:02 AM »
Many thanks, everyone! The Christmas indeed proved extremely stressful, perhaps traumatizing even but trying to live one day at a time, however hard it may prove to be.

Offline steve ridgway

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #11 on: December 27, 2019, 08:15:32 AM »
I'm glad to hear you got through it, Christmas Day must be the worst of all.

Offline AlberichUndHagen

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #12 on: December 27, 2019, 08:25:16 AM »
I'm glad to hear you got through it, Christmas Day must be the worst of all.

Christmas Day was actually the easiest, although still rather stressful.  :D 24th and 26th were the worst. But many thanks for your sympathies!

Offline vandermolen

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #13 on: December 28, 2019, 01:47:23 AM »
On a road which I must travel to my school, a banner is placed outside of a house every year around December 20th.

The banner shows three young men, ages 17 to 20, with their names, and underneath the words say:

"Killed By a Drunken Driver, December 24, 2004."

I mourn for the family every year: this is my 13th year driving past it.  Can you imagine their horror on that Christmas Eve in 2004, when they lost three sons all at once?

I do not know this family, but they have the courage to place this banner in their front yard every year.  Undoubtedly they have anguish unimaginable, and yet they persist in their efforts to remind others of alcohol's results when mixed with a car.

Life must persist, and it will persist: we have been given the freedom to choose what we should do with our tragedies, events which will affect us, and change us in some way, or perhaps make us more of what we already are.  In rare cases a person might remain unaffected by a terrible event.  In any case, we have the freedom to control our reactions to these events: we can let the tragedies control us, or define us, if that is our decision. 

Or we can decide that our lives will move forward, even with the pain, even with the melancholy of wishes for a Life devoid of the terrible things, even with the fear that more such things await us.  And we move forward better, if we can find even a little joy, remember a little happiness, and move outside of ourselves to notice that God or Divinity or the Universe or whatever you wish to call it, offers us great and wonderful things to experience, to create, and to share with one another.

Best Wishes!
Thanks for posting this Leo.
Best wishes to you too.
"Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm" (Churchill).

'The test of a work of art is, in the end, our affection for it, not our ability to explain why it is good' (Stanley Kubrick).

Offline 71 dB

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Re: I dont know how long I can take this...
« Reply #14 on: December 28, 2019, 03:48:20 AM »
What you write here AlberichUndHagen is so dark I don't know what to say. It took me days to respond, because I just don't know what I can write here. Christmas time can be hard for some people, but now it's over and the days are getting longer. We can only hope year 2020 is somehow better.
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