Empathy for Dr Faustus

[Papageno]

I have recently come to an understanding of the notion of selling one's soul to the Devil in return for youth.
I feel I have lost my youth, I've avoided people for too long: Those walks around town with friends - in vain as I saw them - used to bore me. Those gatherings with girls and boys and those trivial, purely naive conversations I snubbed. Yes, I called them banal, conservative, and what not. The parties of the senses; eros, love, etc. I kept away from kids of my age, and in general this archetype.
Now I look at these youths with nostalgia and admire their innocence, frailty, naivety as if pure works of art. So pure that I feel my existence will sully them, corrupt them. I am polluted by the arts of hankerers.  I'm 19 and am having decrepit fantasies. I'm thinking like a decrepit old man, which inevitably makes me feel like I'm towards the end of my life.
I've tried to increase my understanding of the senses, emotions, of morality, yet having lost my own ability to experience the emotions in question. I don't remember the last time I fell in love with a non-theoretical existance.
I crave for Dionysus, for a spur of emotions, I want to be drunk with eros. I'm sure some of you are laughing, but yes, I have managed to bereave myself of what was to be my childhood, and now I yearn for it.

[Bu]

I have lost my innocence, I am 19

Wait until you're my age; then you'll be able to look back and see just how youthful and naive you are at 19.   

[Papageno]

Wait until you're my age; then you'll be able to look back and see just how youthful and naive you are at 19.   

Of course, I'm not saying that when I'm 30 or 40 (If I last that long) I'll look back to where I am now and see no changes.
But, does a stereotypical 19-year-old have fantasies such as #1 or #2.  Either way, I am not, and will not be able to experience life innocently.  I've never had a lover who's not at least 10 years older than me, I just blush in the presence of young girls.  I feel very distant from youth.

[Papageno]

Someone say something, call me a fool, anything!

[Diletante]

You're not a fool. You just have to think less and live more. Seriously.

[Papageno]

You're not a fool. You just have to think less and live more. Seriously.

Teach me.

[Florestan]

Papageno, how old are you, if I may ask?

[Papageno]

Papageno, how old are you, if I may ask?

I'm nineteen, as I also mention above.
Why the curiosity, may I ask?

[Herman]

Look, what you're basically doing is asking for attention in a rather pathetic manner. This is not good for you, and as you can tell, people here are starting to get tired of it, too. It would be much better to just do stuff, rather than hang around on the internet. You're young, so why don't you enjoy it, and do some good work while you have a lot of energy.

[Florestan]

I'm nineteen, as I also mention above.
Why the curiosity, may I ask?

You sound as you have lived for decades...

Nineteen is hardly a Faustian age.

[Papageno]

You sound as you have lived for decades...

Frankly, nineteen is hardly a Faustian age.

Yes, you see, I have proven my point.  That cliché says "You're as old as you feel", well, (laughs) I don't feel young and energetic anymore, I feel infirm and my work also shows it.

And as for you Herman, I could do with a bit of attention, yes.  What sort of stuff do you have in mind?

[greg]

Yo, foo', I'm da boss, and dontcha ever forget.

[Herman]

And as for you Herman, I could do with a bit of attention, yes.  What sort of stuff do you have in mind?

If you're nineteen and you have half a brain (or more) you ought to be in school, preparing to live a useful and interesting life. While in school, you'll meet people you'll like and do interesting and amusing things with. It sounds frightfully normal, but the way you're posing here as someone who deserves attention because he's helpless and unhappy and pathetic, is not a good way to get attention. I'd advise you to stop with this act, becase it's a dead end. You're wasting the most valuable time of your life moping and begging for attention, not like someone past his youth (which you're not) but like a little child.

[Papageno]

If you're nineteen and you have half a brain (or more) you ought to be in school, preparing to live a useful and interesting life. While in school, you'll meet people you'll like and do interesting and amusing things with. It sounds frightfully normal, but the way you're posing here as someone who deserves attention because he's helpless and unhappy and pathetic, is not a good way to get attention. I'd advise you to stop with this act, becase it's a dead end. You're wasting the most valuable time of your life moping and begging for attention, not like someone past his youth (which you're not) but like a little child.

I'm in University, yes, and as I said to Guido in a message earlier, I find it painful to be in the presence of kids whose ambition is to direct Terminator 4.

I loved that scene in Barry Lyndon, Barry's Sergeant or Colonel (or woteva) was dying in Barry's arms, "Kiss me!" he said.  Beautiful scene.