There is no cure for my sickness

[Papageno]

I wake up in the nights soaked in sweat and am overjoyed to see a ray of light under my door: "Ah, finally the morning has come.", I say to myself in relief.  But then the light is extinguished and I realise that it is still midnight.  I then lie in bed and contemplate, memories surface; I remember the days of joy, those were the days of my childhood, I remember how my mother wore her scarf on a cold evening when we left the house, how she would close the curtains at nightfall and how I would always find them open in the morning.  I remember how she would bow over me in my bed to kiss me, her always-cold hands and how she held me.

Now I have nothing, I have no source of joy anymore.  Common means of relaxation don't restore me, I took a few days to go to an island to try and relax but only got worse.  I feel contempt for myself, self-destructive thoughts often consume me - to empty a bottle of cleaning liquid, or to throw myself on the wheels of a passing truck - but my cowardice fills me with anger, it makes me hate myself even more so as to desire to perform a nefarious act such as to smash a church window or to seduce a little girl.

[ChamberNut]

You need some help, pure and simple.  And I'm not at all saying it in a mean or mocking way.  It sounds like you are in a deep battle with depression.  Get some help, there is lots available for this.  I myself was treated for it.

Start by switching your outlook on things.  I'm sure you have more than what you think you say you have.  Instead of saying "I have nothing", change your thought process to focus on the good things and people you have.  I know it sounds hokey and corny, but it actually can and does work.  0:)

[Brian]

There are medical cures. Listen to ChamberNut.

[Scarpia]

And don't throw yourself under the wheels of a passing truck.  Have some consideration for the truck driver.

[Que]

Sure there is a cure (and I'm talking from experience): it is called life.
And by that I mean: living - doing something productive and satisfying with your life.
Not easy - maybe (probably) the biggest challange in anyone's life, but the only thing that really works.

Q

[Florestan]

Sure there is a cure (and I'm talking from experience): it is called life.

In this case, it's called sexual life.

[The new erato]

wallowing in it - as you do here all the time - is guaranteed to make you worse, not better. If you MUST talk - do it to a professional - and good luck.

[Papageno]

Proust and Hesse, my god I can't even write my own things anymore.

[Herman]

You need to get off this board quick, forget about the internet, get a life and be a man instead of a whimpering child.

[Novi]

Take up triathlon or something, mate. Seriously. Get the endorphins going ...

[Herman]

endolphins?

[Mozart]

You have nothing? You have much more than I do...

[snyprrr]

Harold and Maude

[Papageno]

Harold and Maude

I saw that recently just because it was featured on a cinéphile torrent site, garbage film.

You stopped emailing me by the way Snyprrr, what happened.

[snyprrr]

I've found someone new ... I know ... there are... just times in a man's life...when he needs... he just yearns to be free...

It's not you, it's me. 0:)

Now, go watch The Ninth Configuration!

[Joe_Campbell]

Is this the new Philoctetes?

[PSmith08]

Is this the new Philoctetes?

I 'unno. This is, however, an opportunity to say

The OP has a fe-ver and the only pre-scription is more cowbell!

[Joe_Campbell]

Does he put on his pants just like everyone else: one leg at a time?

[Renfield]

OP: Self-reassessment, goal-setting, professional (clinical) help, or any combination of the aforementioned. No killing yourself.

End of contribution.

[PSmith08]

Does he put on his pants just like everyone else: one leg at a time?

Depends. Is he the Bruce Dickinson?