Have You or Haven't You Ever?

[PSmith08]

8. If a waiter or waitress does not provide the kind of service I expect, I leave no "tip" at all. Same goes for barbers and taxicab drivers.

Believe it or not, this is the proper thing to do, speaking from an etiquette standpoint. In fact, you really should speak to the manager in such situations and alert them to the problem.

So, then, this one is a bit incongruous with the rest.

[Larry Rinkel]

1. I used to race little old ladies for the last empty seat on the bus.
2. I would occasionally expectorate on the floor of the classroom I was in (as a student)
3. I often picked my nose in public, then surreptitiously wiped my hand on the shoulder of the poor victim sitting next to me.
4. While teaching, I farted and blamed it on a student.
5. While moving through an aisle towards a centrally located seat, I selectively stepped on the toes of people that wouldn't pull their legs in.
6. I am rude and abusive towards people that can't make "change" correctly.
7. If I was asked to "hurry" while filling a prescription, I deliberately worked even slower.
8. If a waiter or waitress does not provide the kind of service I expect, I leave no "tip" at all. Same goes for barbers and taxicab drivers.
9. I OFTEN told lies to keep, or get me out of trouble. Usually worked.
10. If I think highly of you. I will let you know it. If I think you're a piece of crap, I'll let you know that too. WITHOUT HESITATION. I sleep VERY well.

Yes, but have you ever brought more than x items to an express lane marked "x items or less"?

[Lady Chatterley]

7. If I was asked to "hurry" while filling a prescription, I deliberately worked even slower.

No worries Iggy,be a few days for the meds to take effect.

[karlhenning]

I think the question should be "Have you ever intentionally brought more than X items...." give us a little wiggle room, at any rate!

Although that brings us into deep philosophical waters, deconstructing intent.

I find your point sensitive, and well-considered, Joan;  yet, I will leave the poll in its streamlined, just-the-facts state 

[Sergeant Rock]

4. While teaching, I farted and blamed it on a student.

Perfectly acceptable. A teacher cannot afford to lose face in front of his students. Moreover, in The Unexpurgated Code: A Complete Manual of Survival & Manners, J.P. Donleavy states on page 108 of the Delta Book edition, 1976:

"Never admit to farting even if there are only two of you. If this is really going to make you look like a liar, a pretence of searching for an imaginary gas seepage between the floorboards with the attendant turning up your nose in disbelief at the horrid smell is a proper demonstration of innocence. This ruse will of course be understood by other fair-minded farters who know what it feels like to be the object of unflattering attention."

Blaming an adolescent is quite proper too. Afterall, an adolescent spends approxiamately 50% of his waking life in a state of accute embarrassment anyway (as well he should). Taking the blame for an elder is just one more rite of passage to be endured. It will strengthen his character and make a man of him. It will teach him how to handle that awkward social situation when he too becomes an old fart someday.

Sarge

[Maciek]

Sarge, that was beautiful!

Moved me to tears...

[Sergeant Rock]

Sarge, that was beautiful!

Moved me to tears...

Well, it was from the heart, Maciek. It's something I believe in deeply. Proper manners and knowing one's place are all that stand between us and barbarism. We need to teach our youth. Iago is a shining, if malodorous, example.

Sarge

[Siedler]

We don't have express lanes here. 

[Haffner]

Ahm a baaaaaaad boyyyy.

[Szykneij]

Ahm a baaaaaaad boyyyy.