Fun reviews corner

[Ken B]

Ahhh, of course. Steven Pointer.

[North Star]

The second review one sees on the page, too..

Volodos plays Mompou 15 April 2014
By Vincent King
Verified Purchase

This CD got a glowing review in the International Piano magazine.

Not familiar with the Spanish music of Mompou, I thought to give it a try.

It turned out to be chilidish. I promptly returned it to your goodselves and I MUST repeat that your returns policy and service is EXCELLENT !

[EigenUser]

The second review one sees on the page, too..

Volodos plays Mompou 15 April 2014
By Vincent King
Verified Purchase

That's pretty funny.

There's this guy that went around on Amazon.com posting negative reviews on many Schoenberg disks claiming that the composer was a hack. Here's one.

Listen to the Dminor Quartet. Then you realize Schoenberg had not the talent or genius to compete with the likes of Debussy or Strauss or Schreker or Mahler. And then you know why he went atonal in the later works. To arouse incomprehension and awe in anyone who would listen. And, when rejected, as he was for the most part in his tonal music anyway, he could hide behind the curtain of complexity and strangeness, and complain of the public's lack of understanding. Ah, we see now that Schoenberg consciously maneuvered himself into position as the misunderstood "genius". Who could say otherwise? With his relentless self-promotion, he could throw dirt on manuscript paper and cry foul when the public was too "stupid" to recognize his greatness. Poor Schoenberg. Poor 20th Century. Let us hope for a better century ahead. No more Schoenbergs!

http://www.amazon.com/Schoenberg-Complete-String-Quartets-Arnold/product-reviews/B00002DDWS/ref=sr_cr_hist_1?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addOneStar&showViewpoints=0

There are several slightly different versions, but they are pretty much the same. I don't even like Schoenberg that much and I was laughing when I saw this. Especially since he went out of his way to post on several albums.

[Ken B]

That's pretty funny.

There's this guy that went around on Amazon.com posting negative reviews on many Schoenberg disks claiming that the composer was a hack. Here's one.http://www.amazon.com/Schoenberg-Complete-String-Quartets-Arnold/product-reviews/B00002DDWS/ref=sr_cr_hist_1?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addOneStar&showViewpoints=0

There are several slightly different versions, but they are pretty much the same. I don't even like Schoenberg that much and I was laughing when I saw this. Especially since he went out of his way to post on several albums.

Go look at some Ravel discs now Nate.

[ritter]

This is hilarious (and quite clever, actually): http://www.amazon.com/Introduction-Der-Ring-Des-Nibelungen/product-reviews/B00000424H/ref=cm_cr_dp_qt_hist_one?ie=UTF8&filterBy=addOneStar&showViewpoints=0

A very long customer review of Deryck Cooke's "An Introduction to Der Ring des Nibelungen" (Decca) on amazon...

[listener]

not a review but a description of the Westminster re-issue box from Korea at amazon.uk
"Westminster would never have been able to meet out-of-print books, covering a total of orchestral sound precious box set * Hermann Shave encompasses the Artur Rosin skiing, Hans Sukhna putts Bush, Pierre Monteux and virtuoso of masterful more Paper sleeve with original cover."

[ritter]

not a review but a description of the Westminster re-issue box from Korea at amazon.uk
"Westminster would never have been able to meet out-of-print books, covering a total of orchestral sound precious box set * Hermann Shave encompasses the Artur Rosin skiing, Hans Sukhna putts Bush, Pierre Monteux and virtuoso of masterful more Paper sleeve with original cover."

I had read that one! Hilarious! The Goggle translator gone ballistic! 

[EigenUser]

This one's hilarious:

** Listening report **

György Ligeti: Violin Concerto -- Patricia Kopatchinskaja; Peter Eötvös conducting the Ensemble Modern

First movement - well, at least I thought it was supposed to be the first movement. I think that the CD I have is defective, because it sounds to me like they simply recorded the musicians tuning their instruments and playing various unrelated notes and sounds. It's pretty short, about 4 minutes. I'm sure that is what happened.

Second movement - yup, I was right, the first track was messed up. Now we have actual music playing, it sounds pretty good. Wait - something funny is happening - sounds like someone started to play a recorder, it seems to have upset the other musicians because they're back to tuning their instruments again. Someone decided to pluck their violin, must be impatient with the others still taking so much time with the tuning. Professional musicians, you would think that they would be able to get their instruments in tune much faster than this. They do resume playing music towards the end of the movement.

Third movement - OK, I think that they may have their act together now. Some very beautiful violin playing to begin with, the full ensemble becomes engaged, then enraged, quite angry obviously and as they should be at their fellow musicians who spent so much time messing around earlier. Ends abruptly.

Fourth movement - I think they have settled down now. Wait, I may have spoken too soon. Some of the string players seem to be making an effort to perform, there is clearly a conflict within the ensemble with others really fighting. It all comes to a very dramatic climax at the end of the movement. These performers must be at their wits end about now.

Fifth (final) movement - You can tell that the conflict within the ensemble is really out in the open now, because from the very beginning they are fighting, the violinists angry and now the wind players are upset too, someone puts their instrument down and goes and bangs on a drum out of frustration. The ending pretty much sums it all up, with the violins frantically playing, there is a very nice short segment with some singing together with the violins then it concludes with rapid fire comments from the horns and drums. I think that the musicians singing together towards the end was their delight that it was almost over, because they sound almost unearthly and angelic, their earlier frustrations now spent.

The five movements which altogether take about 28 minutes on this recording can probably be edited down to about six or seven minutes if they get the engineers back to the mixing studio and remove the parts they mistakenly included in this release. Or maybe they just need to have a meeting with the performers and get them to work together better next time.

http://www.amazon.com/review/R22EDUX8EDD2ER/ref=cm_cr_pr_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B008R5OKH4#wasThisHelpful

[Brian]

Man, Dave Hurwitz cranked out that rarest of Hurwitz things: a hilarious rave. He scores it a '9' while going on for about 500 words about the ordeal of receiving the CD. Absurd but thoroughly entertaining.

[Ken B]

"The Vienna Philharmonic never has played Mahler particularly well, or with evident enthusiasm....It's not as if the world needs another recording of this symphony, and making one with an orchestra that has shown such historical hostility toward, and incomprehension of, Mahler's idiom was clearly a risk best avoided."

http://www.classicstoday.com/review/review-12814/?search=1#sthash.nKp3GeRJ.dpuf

The Hurwitzer in high hear. Just to be clear: I'm laughing at not with. 

[EigenUser]

"The Vienna Philharmonic never has played Mahler particularly well, or with evident enthusiasm....It's not as if the world needs another recording of this symphony, and making one with an orchestra that has shown such historical hostility toward, and incomprehension of, Mahler's idiom was clearly a risk best avoided."

http://www.classicstoday.com/review/review-12814/?search=1#sthash.nKp3GeRJ.dpuf

The Hurwitzer in high hear. Just to be clear: I'm laughing at not with. 

Do people actually listen to him and take him seriously? He seems like a 1st-class jackass to me. In fact, after skimming some of his stuff I think he is a prime example of what is wrong with classical music today (by that, I mean the general "stuffed-shirt" impression that people unfortunately seem to harbor). Ugh. Makes me sick.

[Pat B]

Do people actually listen to him and take him seriously? He seems like a 1st-class jackass to me. In fact, after skimming some of his stuff I think he is a prime example of what is wrong with classical music today (by that, I mean the general "stuffed-shirt" impression that people unfortunately seem to harbor). Ugh. Makes me sick.

I doubt many people take him seriously. But plenty of them visit his website, which is all it takes for him to get paid. The more obnoxious he gets, the more people click.

[Ken B]

Do people actually listen to him and take him seriously? He seems like a 1st-class jackass to me. In fact, after skimming some of his stuff I think he is a prime example of what is wrong with classical music today (by that, I mean the general "stuffed-shirt" impression that people unfortunately seem to harbor). Ugh. Makes me sick.

I once blogged him as the world's worst music critic, after he dissed St Hogwood's Haydn symphonies. I remember one of his pet peeve reviews complaining about "waves of repellent beauty" from the orchestra.

[kishnevi]

"The Vienna Philharmonic never has played Mahler particularly well, or with evident enthusiasm....It's not as if the world needs another recording of this symphony, and making one with an orchestra that has shown such historical hostility toward, and incomprehension of, Mahler's idiom was clearly a risk best avoided."

http://www.classicstoday.com/review/review-12814/?search=1#sthash.nKp3GeRJ.dpuf

The Hurwitzer in high hear. Just to be clear: I'm laughing at not with. 

Right orchestra, wrong conductor.  I am thinking of Abbado's VPO M2.

[EigenUser]

I once blogged him as the world's worst music critic, after he dissed St Hogwood's Haydn symphonies. I remember one of his pet peeve reviews complaining about "waves of repellent beauty" from the orchestra.

Waves of repellent beauty?? God, talk about pretentious.

I saw one article of his where he was bitching about Ades and blamed the British press for "trying to make the next Britten". I can totally see his point here. However, what on earth does that have to do with the music and why did it cause the rest of his review to have such a negative tone? I like Ades a lot, though not enough to go through lengths to defend him. That being said, I think that review was unfair.

[Ken B]

Waves of repellent beauty?? God, talk about pretentious.

I saw one article of his where he was bitching about Ades and blamed the British press for "trying to make the next Britten". I can totally see his point here. However, what on earth does that have to do with the music and why did it cause the rest of his review to have such a negative tone? I like Ades a lot, though not enough to go through lengths to defend him. That being said, I think that review was unfair.

I read that review. He is right about the Brits and the eternal search for the new Britten, but the psychologizing Ades was just absurd.

[Brian]

"Please no negative comments because I fell a headache coming .This review was written under the influence of cheap bourbon."

[kishnevi]

I see someone else checked out Ken's Box.

[Pat B]

I'm sure others have noticed this: the cover photo from Karajan's live Mahler 9 was recycled for the used-bin staple "Adagio Karajan" (and for an extra touch of class, they superimposed one of those photos of birds flying over the ocean at sunset that were popular in the '70s).

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Today, as I put the Mahler on, I thought it might be fun to check the amazon reviews for "Adagio Karajan." Needless to say, they are heavy on 5-star ratings, but overall the comedic value was less than I expected. Still, I did enjoy this nugget:

Don't ask me why, but it would seem that conducting Pachelbel was something he didn't enjoy.

[Karl Henning]

Karajan Livingston Seagull