The Dating Thread

[vandermolen]

'Give up and you will succeed' is a Taoist saying I like. After a few short lived and disastrous relationships I went on a group walking holiday. My best friend from university brought along two former students whom he had remained friends with. I thought that one of them was far too pretty to have any interest in me so made no attempt at any kind of romantic involvement with her. We became friends on the holiday and when she went back to university afterwards I gave it no more thought. Then some time later she phoned me up from university, to my surprise, as she was going through a difficult time and she temporarily dropped out of university and came back to London. I assumed that she wanted a shoulder to cry on and by this time assumed that this was always the role I was destined to play; so whilst we saw a lot of each other I assumed that she had no romantic interest in me. At this time there was another girl I really liked but she just wanted friendship. However, one day she turned up at my house and my walking holiday friend was there. I was secretly very pleased as I found out from someone else that she was very jealous of my new friendship. Over time it became clear to others, although not myself that the walking holiday girl was interested in me. When my brother asked my mother what was going on between me and this girl my mother replied 'oh, she is just a friend' to which my brother replied 'if he thinks that he is more naive than I was!' Anyway, we were friends for a long time before anything happened and it is clear that it was because I did not pursue her for a romantic relationship that she became interested in me and maybe also because there was another girl who was around. I was thrown into great confusion as the other girl whom I had been unsuccessfully pursuing suddenly became interested in me, but this was only because of jealousy. It was very odd how things turned out. I married the walking holiday girl 28 years ago. There have been many ups and downs but we are still together and have a grown up daughter who has met two people on this forum. Which brings me back to the paradoxical Taoist statement 'give up and you will succeed' that was my experience anyway.

[Mirror Image]

A mutual friend introduced me to my lady.  I "got" her simply by being me.  She "got" me by being completely open about herself.  She's passed away now, and I miss her, but it was a joy to be with her.

She'll always be with you, jochanaan. You were fortunate to have each other.

[Mirror Image]

Not really, she just had a crush on me (and always liked my articles, so she knew I wasn't a total buffoon). We came from such different backgrounds that neither of us seriously thought about getting together, but there was definitely some chemistry, and we talked about meeting again for a coffee or something, so it wasn't totally out of the blue. Plus, she's quite the adventurous type, diving headfirst into ideas others (like me, for example) would hesitate to realize. So we went alone, both a little unsure of what the other's intentions are.

This great to read. Best of luck to you, Rinaldo. How long have you been married now?

[Mirror Image]

'Give up and you will succeed' is a Taoist saying I like. After a few short lived and disastrous relationships I went on a group walking holiday. My best friend from university brought along two former students whom he had remained friends with. I thought that one of them was far too pretty to have any interest in me so made no attempt at any kind of romantic involvement with her. We became friends on the holiday and when she went back to university afterwards I gave it no more thought. Then some time later she phoned me up from university, to my surprise, as she was going through a difficult time and she temporarily dropped out of university and came back to London. I assumed that she wanted a shoulder to cry on and by this time assumed that this was always the role I was destined to play; so whilst we saw a lot of each other I assumed that she had no romantic interest in me. At this time there was another girl I really liked but she just wanted friendship. However, one day she turned up at my house and my walking holiday friend was there. I was secretly very pleased as I found out from someone else that she was very jealous of my new friendship. Over time it became clear to others, although not myself that the walking holiday girl was interested in me. When my brother asked my mother what was going on between me and this girl my mother replied 'oh, she is just a friend' to which my brother replied 'if he thinks that he is more naive than I was!' Anyway, we were friends for a long time before anything happened and it is clear that it was because I did not pursue her for a romantic relationship that she became interested in me and maybe also because there was another girl who was around. I was thrown into great confusion as the other girl whom I had been unsuccessfully pursuing suddenly became interested in me, but this was only because of jealousy. It was very odd how things turned out. I married the walking holiday girl 28 years ago. There have been many ups and downs but we are still together and have a grown up daughter who has met two people on this forum. Which brings me back to the paradoxical Taoist statement 'give up and you will succeed' that was my experience anyway.

This was a great read, Jeffrey. You certainly have given me hope.

[ibanezmonster]

Well, now it doesn't matter if I post here or not despite saying that I wouldn't post here.

That's because she's gotten to the point where she's annoyed me so much that it sort of made me realize that she just wouldn't be good for a relationship. For a one night stand, sure, if you're into that. But I just couldn't stand for her to be the closest person to me in my life. The reason is that she's just incredibly dumb. Talking to my dog is more interesting than talking to her. And less annoying.

Of course, I'll hang out with her since one of my friends I don't see any more and I have room for 2 friends, maximum. Maybe just to play pool and laugh at her when she's drunk and get hugs. But there's really no chemistry unless I lowered my IQ to that of a retarded lizard, which I'd rather not do.

[Mirror Image]

Well, now it doesn't matter if I post here or not despite saying that I wouldn't post here.

That's because she's gotten to the point where she's annoyed me so much that it sort of made me realize that she just wouldn't be good for a relationship. For a one night stand, sure, if you're into that. But I just couldn't stand for her to be the closest person to me in my life. The reason is that she's just incredibly dumb. Talking to my dog is more interesting than talking to her. And less annoying.

Of course, I'll hang out with her since one of my friends I don't see any more and I have room for 2 friends, maximum. Maybe just to play pool and laugh at her when she's drunk and get hugs. But there's really no chemistry unless I lowered my IQ to that of a retarded lizard, which I'd rather not do.

Quite a turn of events, Greg! One day, you're attracted to her and, now, she's a dummy and annoys you. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. No reason why you should lower your IQ to be with someone who you wouldn't feel you're going to be compatible with. I guess it's a good thing you never asked her out.

[ibanezmonster]

Quite a turn of events, Greg! One day, you're attracted to her and, now, she's a dummy and annoys you. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. No reason why you should lower your IQ to be with someone who you wouldn't feel you're going to be compatible with. I guess it's a good thing you never asked her out.

True, I never thought I'd be as finicky as you, but here I am. 

Yeah, never asking her out would mean that I've been rejected 3 times and rejected 4 times. But this is isn't a game!!! 

I'm not gonna lie- if she just said to me "let's fuck" I'd get straight to it, but "let's talk every day" would make me react quite differently. The main thing that was the last straw for me was how she'd react to my jokes, every time. Just "huh?" Like I'm talking to someone that is brain damaged. That's not all, but definitely the main thing.

btw, I think the sea is contaminated. Or at least, mine is.

[Mirror Image]

True, I never thought I'd be as finicky as you, but here I am. 

Yeah, never asking her out would mean that I've been rejected 3 times and rejected 4 times. But this is isn't a game!!! 

I'm not gonna lie- if she just said to me "let's fuck" I'd get straight to it, but "let's talk every day" would make me react quite differently. The main thing that was the last straw for me was how she'd react to my jokes, every time. Just "huh?" Like I'm talking to someone that is brain damaged. That's not all, but definitely the main thing.

btw, I think the sea is contaminated. Or at least, mine is.

I could never use a woman just for sex or be involved with a woman that just wanted to have sex all the time with no sort of possible future for the two of us in mind. I'm after true love, so, in this regard, I suppose I'm a romantic or could be viewed as some kind of idealist, but, hey, I'm not going to compromise on the kind of relationship I want.

A woman who doesn't get my jokes is not the woman for me. I have a sarcastic, but also an offbeat sense of humor and if she can't comprehend and laugh at these jokes, then it's most definitely not going to work out, because a relationship needs humor IMHO.

[Rinaldo]

This great to read. Best of luck to you, Rinaldo. How long have you been married now?

Thank you. It's gonna be two years this summer.

[vandermolen]

This was a great read, Jeffrey. You certainly have given me hope.

Thank you John! Frankly I had more or less given up on finding anyone when I met my wife. I was 30 at the time. It reminded me a bit of the story that if you chase a butterfly it flies away but if you stand still it might land on your shoulder. This was my experience anyway but I suspect that if you put yourself in a position where you meet lots of people sooner or later something will happen. The psychoanalyst Viktor Frankl said that there may be nine unhappy love affairs for every happy one, but keep persevering is my advice and see my Churchill quote below. 

[Mirror Image]

Thank you John! Frankly I had more or less given up on finding anyone when I met my wife. I was 30 at the time. It reminded me a bit of the story that if you chase a butterfly it flies away but if you stand still it might land on your shoulder. This was my experience anyway but I suspect that if you put yourself in a position where you meet lots of people sooner or later something will happen. The psychoanalyst Viktor Frankl said that there may be nine unhappy love affairs for every happy one, but keep persevering is my advice and see my Churchill quote below. 

Wise words. I'll keep your advice in mind.

[ibanezmonster]

I think I'm gonna have an essay to write here... 

the thesis: what I said about her being dumb was only secondary. The main thing: I don't feel like I can be myself around her because she just casually dismisses me whenever I'm myself. That's the biggest turnoff. But those two things may be related.

[Jo498]

If one cannot be oneself around someone this would for me already make a close non-romantic friendship difficult. Of course everybody shows different aspects of himself in respective company etc. But constant playing someone else is rather strenuous, I guess.
But I am so far removed from the dating culture of 20something Americans that I probably do not really understand what Greg is talking about...

[ibanezmonster]

I could never use a woman just for sex or be involved with a woman that just wanted to have sex all the time with no sort of possible future for the two of us in mind.

At this point in my life, I wouldn't mind a friends with benefits sort of thing. But I couldn't be in a serious relationship with her because I just can't take her seriously.

I couldn't think of a future right now, especially if it were something as serious as marriage, or marriage itself. It would be like jumping into 12th grade when you haven't even started kindergarten. Or trying heroin when you haven't done any other type of drug before.



Anyways, to cheer myself up, I'm reminding myself that there are fish in the sea that aren't contaminated, but they're imaginary. So better than nothing, huh? I thought up the anime girls I'd like to date most if they were real (in order).
1. Yui Hirasawa (K-On!)- the embodiment of moe. My heart melts just thinking about her.
2. Lucy Heartfilia (Fairy Tail)- beautiful person inside and out
3. Lala (To Love-Ru)- totally fun genius/mad scientist
4. Mio Akiyama (K-On!)- *drools...*
5. Eru Chitanda (Hyouka)- hot and has $$$
6. Yurippe (Angel Beats)- just awesome
7. Erza Scarlet (Fairy Tail)- super strong and interestingly quirky
8. Botan (Yu Yu Hakusho)- that British accent!
9. Rias Gremory (High School DxD)- a protective, loving person


And here's my list of real life girls:
1. um....
2. um, my friends if they were cute girls
3. um....

Guess I got nothing.  And yes, I spend way more time out of the house than I do watching anime. At least I'm not taking pictures of myself while putting my "waifu" in the background like my friend is doing... 

[Sergeant Rock]

I thought up the anime girls I'd like to date most if they were real (in order).

Ask Krieger to hook you up with a virtual girlfriend 

https://www.youtube.com/v/6FqnRSoX0po


Sarge

[ibanezmonster]

Ask Krieger to hook you up with a virtual girlfriend 

https://www.youtube.com/v/6FqnRSoX0po


Sarge

Between the Oculus Rift and this upcoming Magic Leap augmented reality, I may not need to ask Krieger...

[NJ Joe]

'Give up and you will succeed' is a Taoist saying I like.

An excellent saying, and apropos to the subject at hand, imo.

[Mirror Image]

I probably do not really understand what Greg is talking about...

I never understand what Greg is talking about.

[Rinaldo]

Anyways, to cheer myself up, I'm reminding myself that there are fish in the sea that aren't contaminated, but they're imaginary. So better than nothing, huh? I thought up the anime girls I'd like to date most if they were real (in order).

Greg, I suggest you read this.

[ibanezmonster]

Greg, I suggest you read this.

lol, that was entertaining reading and definitely a topic I've thought about before. Thanks for that.

Yeah, there's definitely a difference between fantasy and reality. Anime can sometimes be like the version of romance novels for guys, especially certain genres.
In reality, I'm just into whatever I find attractive. Of course real girls aren't going to be perfect like (some) anime girls.

(Haruhi's "terrible morning breath" made me lol)

I like the picture. I think every guy would appreciate this, though. 



This would also be cool to see- dressing up like my favorite anime girl.
http://reiichi5.deviantart.com/art/Yui-Hirasawa-cosplay-263081605