The Dating Thread

[ibanezmonster]

So, I've been testing out this online dating website thing for a few days... I have a profile on match and pof (plentyoffish)...

I've read the statistics about how many messages a guy needs to send before he can expect a response. Typically, it's 20. So, I have to find 20 women to send messages to that meet my criteria. And here's why finding 20 is extremely hard:

1. My 30-minute driving radius doesn't exactly consist of a ton of young people.
2. Being a single mom makes you ineligible for me. I don't have a kid or want kids, let alone someone else's kid. So this alone knocks out about half of the candidates.
3. Various random things which knock off 20-30 percent of candidates. Another difficulty is that it is often hard to send any sort of interesting or meaningful personalized message when their profile is so generic. I try, though.

I've gotten plenty of profile views from attractive women, but they are rarely ever going to send the first message. I saw an experiment somewhere in which basically, the most attractive men received under 10% the amount of mail in their inbox than the most attractive women did. Also, the fact that I don't make $100k+ is bad for me, since guys that do get receive 42% more messages than guys that don't.



My idea:
going to another popular free dating site and increasing my chances of getting messages back.
I'll create a really odd profile where I make up some story about being abducted by alien women that are trying to marry me and I created the profile because they are forcing me to broadcast the fact that I'm not available... or something. Working on it, at least... Anyone with suggestions would be very much appreciated.

[Mirror Image]

What's the point in doing any of this at all, Greg? Seems like a waste of time to me unless you genuinely want to find someone. That, of course, would be a different story.

[ibanezmonster]

What's the point in doing any of this at all, Greg? Seems like a waste of time to me unless you genuinely want to find someone. That, of course, would be a different story.

So what are your suggestions?

[Mirror Image]

So what are your suggestions?

My suggestion would be to figure out what you truly want.

[ibanezmonster]

My suggestion would be to figure out what you truly want.

Basically, a girl in the age range of 20-30 (I'm 26) to date. Nothing serious, at least for now. They need to at least be somewhat attractive and be somewhere in the realm of being able to relate to me, and also not live over a half an hour away. But that's probably asking too much.

[ibanezmonster]

I mean, my profile picture isn't terrible, is it? Basically just a headshot, like everyone else does:

http://pictures.match.com/pictures/19/23/165031923Z.jpeg

[Mirror Image]

Basically, a girl in the age range of 20-30 (I'm 26) to date. Nothing serious, at least for now. They need to at least be somewhat attractive and be somewhere in the realm of being able to relate to me, and also not live over a half an hour away. But that's probably asking too much.

Good luck. I hope you find what you're looking for. I've had several women I'm interested in, but this is from a purely physical standpoint. I would like to find a woman who is reasonably attractive, but stimulates me intellectually. This is the tough part, but I remain optimistic.

[ibanezmonster]

Good luck. I hope you find what you're looking for. I've had several women I'm interested in, but this is from a purely physical standpoint. I would like to find a woman who is reasonably attractive, but stimulates me intellectually. This is the tough part, but I remain optimistic.

So we are both looking for the same thing. However, you know we may be looking forever and get old and never find them?

[Mirror Image]

So we are both looking for the same thing. However, you know we may be looking forever and get old and never find them?

Well, sure. I mean we could never find it and remain single for the rest of our lives. I'm just trying to avoid the whole dating thing as this seems like a colossal waste of time and energy. I've constantly been told when I find 'the woman of my dreams' and she feels the same way, then the dating thing won't seem like a chore at all. It's all about finding that connection. This is what I'm continuously looking for, but have failed so far. But, I suppose, sometimes a challenge like getting to know someone of limited interest can also open a door that you, otherwise, wouldn't have bothered looking into.

[The new erato]

I've read the statistics about how many messages a guy needs to send before he can expect a response. Typically, it's 20.

Send the first 19 to anybody. You only need the 20th to be eligible.

[amw]

Send all 20 messages to the same girl. That will convince her you are a committed partner and increase her respect for you.

[Henk]

I mean, my profile picture isn't terrible, is it? Basically just a headshot, like everyone else does:

http://pictures.match.com/pictures/19/23/165031923Z.jpeg

Style your beard a little more, or colour your hair. I haven't done myself, but girls like that.

[Henk]

Also Greg, and this is a huge advice, wait at least a week or something with masturbating before you take a picture of yourself.  

[NJ Joe]

I mean, my profile picture isn't terrible, is it? Basically just a headshot, like everyone else does:

http://pictures.match.com/pictures/19/23/165031923Z.jpeg

I'm just an old fogey, and completely unfamiliar with this online dating thing but how about smiling? A pleasant friendly smile goes a long way.

[Henk]

Another advice. Let someone else take a picture of you. A girlfriend or so.

[North Star]

Another advice. Let someone else take a picture of you. A girlfriend or so.

I wouldn't ask a girlfriend to take picture for a dating site, just saying.. 

[ibanezmonster]

I'm just an old fogey, and completely unfamiliar with this online dating thing but how about smiling? A pleasant friendly smile goes a long way.

That was a smile!  Not a big smile, but still a smile...

Send all 20 messages to the same girl. That will convince her you are a committed partner and increase her respect for you.

I'm just trying to avoid the whole dating thing as this seems like a colossal waste of time and energy.

And money...

I've constantly been told when I find 'the woman of my dreams' and she feels the same way, then the dating thing won't seem like a chore at all. It's all about finding that connection. This is what I'm continuously looking for, but have failed so far. But, I suppose, sometimes a challenge like getting to know someone of limited interest can also open a door that you, otherwise, wouldn't have bothered looking into.

Really, the best type is the one who has went to school and hasn't had a kid yet (and those go hand in hand, since often having a kid can prevent anyone from being able to go to school); going to school meaning more likely to be more intellectually interesting.

I bet you don't live in the best area for being surrounded with women like that, either. Moving to a more highly populated and better educated environment would probably help a lot.

[Mirror Image]

Really, the best type is the one who has went to school and hasn't had a kid yet (and those go hand in hand, since often having a kid can prevent anyone from being able to go to school); going to school meaning more likely to be more intellectually interesting.

I bet you don't live in the best area for being surrounded with women like that, either. Moving to a more highly populated and better educated environment would probably help a lot.

Well, I live in a college town, so I don't think there's a problem finding someone who's educated, although this doesn't mark intelligence to me. Someone could be a high intellectual without having stepped a foot on a college campus. Anyway, I've found that women aren't going to come to you, you've got to go out and find them, but if a woman catches my eye, I'll usually approach her and try to start a conversation. I can usually tell about the first ten minutes or so that they're not interested (some women will just talk to you to be nice) or simply aren't going to be right for me because there seems to be a mental disconnection. Anyway, if I'm attracted physically and intellectually to a woman, then I'm going to pursue her, but most of the time it seems that I'm just physically attracted to them and can't ever find one that I can connect with on a deeper level.

[DavidW]

I mean, my profile picture isn't terrible, is it? Basically just a headshot, like everyone else does:

http://pictures.match.com/pictures/19/23/165031923Z.jpeg

Honestly that pic is not that good.  You look depressed.  If you're not happy enough to fake it, then don't but you need to look self-assured and kind.  And the picture should look like you put effort into it, a low quality pic snapped with a phone in five seconds says that you don't really want to try.  I suggest that you have a friend take a photo for you.  There are basically two approaches: you can either be naturally sexy, or you can look like someone that will be fun to hangout with.  If you can't pull off either it will be an uphill battle.

Don't worry about that 20 message thing, when I used match.com awhile back I heard back from all but one.  It shouldn't be that difficult as long as you have the right attitude.

[ibanezmonster]

Honestly that pic is not that good.  You look depressed.  If you're not happy enough to fake it, then don't but you need to look self-assured and kind. 

Hm, well, if that's the vibe other people get, then that's very helpful pointing that out, thanks.
It's just a crop from a family photo we took at home.

Don't worry about that 20 message thing, when I used match.com awhile back I heard back from all but one.  It shouldn't be that difficult as long as you have the right attitude.

When sending a message, did you just write a short message commenting on something in their profile? And what did you write for the subject line? I suspect the messages I send out may be identical to the dozens of other messages they get from other guys.