Dating or not dating.

[Mirror Image]

Sorry to hear about the weather! I hope Monday goes well

What sort of weather do you get in Georgia at this time of year anyway?

Thanks, Jessop. No worries, man. Stuff happens. Georgia winters vary. We might get two days where it actually snows and the coldest day I remember of recent times was 4℉ (15.5℃). Some winters we don't get any snow at all, but many days of lower temperatures.

[Mirror Image]

I noticed a few months ago every now and then if I were in a good mood or laughing to myself at whatever joke I made up my head and was walking past a cute girl, I'd tend to look at her for just a few seconds too long- but then the girl would start smiling back, kind of in a flirty way. But maybe that was my imagination, too. But I know exactly what you're talking about, since I think it's the same thing.

Though I started to get into the habit enough that it just kind of got awkward because you have the confidence to keep looking at them but have no plans to talk to them, so then you have to look away because then it just gets weird. 

If a woman is smiling, regardless of whether it's in a flirty way or however you perceive it, it's a good thing for sure. I'm going to try and keep this 'coolness,' but, as I mentioned above, it's kind of just this unconscious thing I've been doing now and I suppose it works. The less interested I am in a woman, the more they seem to be interested in me and want to get to know me or so it seems. Of course, since you might say I'm in a relationship now, I don't really have to worry about any of this stuff right now.

[greg]

Plenty of Fish is getting annoying... same girls for the most part, limited age selection, etc. It only lets me go down to finding girls that are 22 at the youngest, instead of 18. So that's 4 years worth of girls that I'll never see profiles of. Good thing Tinder doesn't do that, or else what happened last month would have never happened.

(btw, That girl still hasn't texted me back, and it's been a week. Oh well, probably a good thing. She's into the hitting it and quitting it lifestyle, so probably better off to leave that alone).

One thing I've realized with these dating websites is that you might hear the advice to ask questions or say something funny or witty in the first message. Just don't waste your time on that (unless something instantly comes to mind from their profile, then why not). Just say hey. If they are interested, they'll reply. That simple.

Right now, just contacting any of the ones that seem to be my type. But honestly, I'm not really sure how many I'm going to even respond to if they responded back. I already chose not to respond to someone even after they said "hey" back (it's rare to get a message back on this site). I think I'm only messaging them because they actually don't look as unappealling as 80% of the women on the site.  POF isn't the best place to go if you're after pretty girls.

Still thinking about the time I saw one girl on Tinder. Japanese girl with a girly profile picture, says she's into video games and anime. That's basically 100% what I'm looking for. Never matched, though, sadly. I almost died of a heart attack instantly when I saw her profile.

Idk, sometimes I kinda think maybe I should contact girls that I felt like that toward. If you're only 70% into someone, why waste the time and energy? It's just that I really think I'll end up alone for the rest of my life because what I'm looking for is too specific and rare. I don't want to give up my freedom/single lifestyle for someone I'm only into 70-80%. 90% and above is what I'm looking for. And that is so incredibly rare- the one friend I met this year I'm about 90% into. 29 years of being alive and I've only met one person that is enough of my type that I would want to seriously date long term and consider marrying (if they proved themselves over time). Not very promising.

[greg]

What is everyone's "types," btw?

Just curious...
and I would say, for males or females, but I don't think there are any females in this thread? As usual, GMG. lol 

[Mirror Image]

To be honest with you, Greg, I think with those kind of narrow perimeters you've put on yourself, you will be alone. Not every woman can be a 100% or even a 70% (whatever these percentages really mean anyway). If you feel like you're alone, it's because you've chosen to be alone by sticking to an illusion you have built in your mind. Outside-of-the-box thinking is what you should really start considering at this point. There are some things that I'm not crazy about with this woman I'm currently dating, but I put those differences aside in order to make the kind of connection I want and, thankfully, there was an actual connection from the beginning. Ideally, I'd want a whole laundry list of things for my 'perfect' woman to have, but it's just not going to happen. By accepting reality for what it is, I'm actually quite happy right now and really enjoying my time with Kate so far. If you stop fantasizing about the woman of your dreams and allow actual reality to change you, then I think you'll find genuine happiness, but, until that time, I don't think you'll ever be truly content if you continue chasing that illusion.

[Mirror Image]

What is everyone's "types," btw?

Just curious...
and I would say, for males or females, but I don't think there are any females in this thread? As usual, GMG. lol 

I don't believe in types. Ultimately, all I ever wanted in a woman was the following 1. a mutual attraction/connection, 2. kind and down-to-earth, 3. has a good sense of humor, 4. intelligent, and 5. someone that will like me for who I am and not what I do, where I come from, what I have, etc.

[greg]

I don't believe in types. Ultimately, all I ever wanted in a woman was the following 1. a mutual attraction/connection, 2. kind and down-to-earth, 3. has a good sense of humor, 4. intelligent, and 5. someone that will like me for who I am and not what I do, where I come from, what I have, etc.

But that is a type 

To be honest with you, Greg, I think with those kind of narrow perimeters you've put on yourself, you will be alone. Not every woman can be a 100% or even a 70% (whatever these percentages really mean anyway). If you feel like you're alone, it's because you've chosen to be alone by sticking to an illusion you have built in your mind. Outside-of-the-box thinking is what you should really start considering at this point. There are some things that I'm not crazy about with this woman I'm currently dating, but I put those differences aside in order to make the kind of connection I want and, thankfully, there was an actual connection from the beginning. Ideally, I'd want a whole laundry list of things for my 'perfect' woman to have, but it's just not going to happen. By accepting reality for what it is, I'm actually quite happy right now and really enjoying my time with Kate so far. If you stop fantasizing about the woman of your dreams and allow actual reality to change you, then I think then you'll find happiness, but, until that time, I don't think you'll ever be truly content if you continue chasing that illusion.

I kinda think that "love at first sight" would be pretty awesome. Like what you said your parents experienced. Like a few months ago, when I first saw my friend, I thought "nice, who is this cute girl who chose to sit next to me?" And then from there, the more I got to know her, the more I liked her until I realized she checks more of the boxes than anyone I've met before.

The percentages are pretty much how close to ideal you want your partner to be.

Being single has its advantages- huge advantages. Your time is your time alone, and that is extremely important to me, as someone who is very introvert and needs that extra alone time each day to maintain my sanity. Someone would have to be extremely special for me to want to give that up, which is a given in any relationship.

[Mirror Image]

But that is a type 

I kinda think that "love at first sight" would be pretty awesome. Like what you said your parents experienced. Like a few months ago, when I first saw my friend, I thought "nice, who is this cute girl who chose to sit next to me?" And then from there, the more I got to know her, the more I liked her until I realized she checks more of the boxes than anyone I've met before.

The percentages are pretty much how close to ideal you want your partner to be.

Being single has its advantages- huge advantages. Your time is your time alone, and that is extremely important to me, as someone who is very introvert and needs that extra alone time each day to maintain my sanity. Someone would have to be extremely special for me to want to give that up, which is a given in any relationship.

The remarkable thing here is I wasn't expecting someone like Kate to enter my life. In fact, like you, I was becoming more and more content with just being by myself and tried to stop worrying about whether I'd find someone. The minute I stopped worrying was the same moment I found Kate. I was extremely close to just throwing in the towel for good and if I hadn't have met Kate, I certainly would have. I'm certainly not implying that you should 'settle' for someone you're not attracted to or have no interest in, but I do want you to bear in mind that you can't have it all. Also, if you truly valued your alone time and like being by yourself, then you wouldn't be on this thread discussing any of this with me or anyone else. There's something inside of you that's incomplete, Greg. You feel it yourself or, like I've mentioned, you wouldn't bother coming here. I'd love for you to meet someone and have that positive connection, but you'll never have any kind of connection whatsoever if you continuously check off things you like or don't like about someone, because, honestly, you're no prized chicken. You have your own flaws like everyone else in this universe. I think it's time to stop being so unrealistic and start putting yourself out there. It seems like to me you are your own worst enemy and it shouldn't be that way at all.

[vandermolen]

The remarkable thing here is I wasn't expecting someone like Kate to enter my life. In fact, like you, I was becoming more and more content with just being by myself and tried to stop worrying about whether I'd find someone. The minute I stopped worrying was the same moment I found Kate. I was extremely close to just throwing in the towel for good and if I hadn't have met Kate, I certainly would have. I'm certainly not implying that you should 'settle' for someone you're not attracted to or have no interest in, but I do want you to bear in mind that you can't have it all. Also, if you truly valued your alone time and like being by yourself, then you wouldn't be on this thread discussing any of this with me or anyone else. There's something inside of you that's incomplete, Greg. You feel it yourself or, like I've mentioned, you wouldn't bother coming here. I'd love for you to meet someone and have that positive connection, but you'll never have any kind of connection whatsoever if you continuously check off things you like or don't like about someone, because, honestly, you're no prized chicken. You have your own flaws like everyone else in this universe. I think it's time to stop being so unrealistic and start putting yourself out there. It seems like to me you are your own worst enemy and it shouldn't be that way at all.

'Give up and you will succeed' (Tao Te Ching).
I told you. 

[ComposerOfAvantGarde]

What is everyone's "types," btw?

Just curious...
and I would say, for males or females, but I don't think there are any females in this thread? As usual, GMG. lol 

People tell me I'm too picky. But I prefer multilingual musicians  (but not trumpet, piano, or violin players...and not USUALLY guitarists) who are anywhere between my age and 10 years older than me.....also people who are extremely knowledgeable about various topics (particularly philosophy, theology, psychology, politics and history) me weak at the knees. I also like cute as well.....

[Mirror Image]

'Give up and you will succeed' (Tao Te Ching).
I told you. 

You certainly did, Jeffrey!

[NikF]

My 'type'? All things being equal, I'll say nubile 18 year olds. More exactly, nubile 18 year old models and dancers. But that's just for sex and this thread is about dating, so...

...similar values are what I look for. Shared interests are nice, but not essential. Confidence, kindness, empathy, consistency - those sorts of qualities. Schooldays are the time when whimsical notions such as "...and we even like the SAME MUSIC!" are considered viable foundations to build a relationship on. An adult, strong, healthy and happy long-term relationship requires more than that, although even with the best will in the world and you both striving to make it work, sometimes success still isn't guaranteed.

There's a third category of my 'type', that of the f***buddy (which isn't the same as 'friend with benefits') and the criteria for suitability is simple and basic and consists of the questions -
Does she enjoy sex?
Does she make herself available to me?
Is there any risk at all of her unexpectedly reappearing at my front door 48 hours later and singing love songs through the letter box?

[aleazk]

People tell me I'm too picky. But I prefer multilingual musicians  (but not trumpet, piano, or violin players...and not USUALLY guitarists) who are anywhere between my age and 10 years older than me.....also people who are extremely knowledgeable about various topics (particularly philosophy, theology, psychology, politics and history) me weak at the knees. I also like cute as well.....

lolz... now I get it all! 

btw... your dream other half will have to live in a world where the days are 50 hours each to achieve all that at the age of 19+10=29... 

[Mirror Image]

I just wanted to tell everyone that Kate and I had a lot of fun on our date tonight. We're learning so much about each other. It's certainly been an education for me. I'm fascinated by her culture and she's interested in my culture (or lack thereof rather ), but the best thing was I made her laugh a lot and we both continue to enjoy each other's company. Looking forward to our next date.

Here's a photo of us from tonight:

[greg]

Haha, those responses are amusing.

The remarkable thing here is I wasn't expecting someone like Kate to enter my life. In fact, like you, I was becoming more and more content with just being by myself and tried to stop worrying about whether I'd find someone. The minute I stopped worrying was the same moment I found Kate. I was extremely close to just throwing in the towel for good and if I hadn't have met Kate, I certainly would have. I'm certainly not implying that you should 'settle' for someone you're not attracted to or have no interest in, but I do want you to bear in mind that you can't have it all. Also, if you truly valued your alone time and like being by yourself, then you wouldn't be on this thread discussing any of this with me or anyone else. There's something inside of you that's incomplete, Greg. You feel it yourself or, like I've mentioned, you wouldn't bother coming here. I'd love for you to meet someone and have that positive connection, but you'll never have any kind of connection whatsoever if you continuously check off things you like or don't like about someone, because, honestly, you're no prized chicken. You have your own flaws like everyone else in this universe. I think it's time to stop being so unrealistic and start putting yourself out there. It seems like to me you are your own worst enemy and it shouldn't be that way at all.

Yeah, I may be overthinking it.

[greg]

I just wanted to tell everyone that Kate and I had a lot of fun on our date tonight. We're learning so much about each other. It's certainly been an education for me. I'm fascinated by her culture and she's interested in my culture (or lack thereof rather ), but the best thing was I made her laugh a lot and we both continue to enjoy each other's company. Looking forward to our next date.

Here's a photo of us from tonight:

Cool! Glad you had fun.

[Mirror Image]

Cool! Glad you had fun.

Thanks my man! I appreciate it.

[NikF]

I just wanted to tell everyone that Kate and I had a lot of fun on our date tonight. We're learning so much about each other. It's certainly been an education for me. I'm fascinated by her culture and she's interested in my culture (or lack thereof rather ), but the best thing was I made her laugh a lot and we both continue to enjoy each other's company. Looking forward to our next date.

Here's a photo of us from tonight:

I'm happy to hear that.   Good stuff. 

[Mirror Image]

I'm happy to hear that.   Good stuff. 

Thanks, Nik. Looks like waiting awhile to see each other again paid off well.

[greg]

So about a week and a half ago, on my birthday, I got some texts (from someone who I didn't know was my birthday).

Not sure if anyone remembers, but there's this girl from Colombia (my friend's ex) who keeps on telling me she likes me and wants me to come to Colombia. For over 6 years now. I mean, sure, it would be fun to visit, but I really have no intent to go to Colombia, at least any time soon.

The problem is, maybe I did lead her on a little bit when I first started talking to her. I don't remember- it was so long ago. However, a few years ago, I got my friend to talk to her for me and tell her I'm not interested. I also told her that myself, although I don't remember how I worded it.

Maybe I'm not making myself clear enough? I learned that no response means a "no," but some people just don't get that. Really, directly telling a girl "no" is actually kinda painful- I really don't like doing it. Being so direct would make me feel like a jerk, but it seems she can't take the hint.

I did tell her I was seeing someone (even though that person I mentioned I'll probably never see again), but the problem is my fb always says "single," so I think she's going to keep asking every year or two. 

(If she lived nearby, I would probably be dating her. She doesn't want to come to the U.S. But I wish she would just find a boyfriend or husband there and stop asking).