Dating or not dating.

[Sergeant Rock]

"She was slender, very short, dark hair, with a face resembling Joan Baez. She carried a French horn case..."

That's a beautiful picture right there.

And unfortunately the only "picture" I have of her at that age. I really regret not owning, not being able to afford a camera and film processing when I was a teen. Fortunately, my best friend did have a camera in high school and college and took a few pictures of the first Pisces girl. At least I have one of them on film...as a reminder to avoid romantic entanglements with that astrological sign 

Sarge

[Sergeant Rock]

Thanks for posting that, Sarge. It's cool and interesting and insightful.  Yeah, sometimes stuff just happens, but it's amazing how often it's started by having a big mouth that'll welcome any opportunity to say "Hello". 

Exactly. That seems to be the "secret"  ...a simple willingness to engage with the opposite sex and read their reaction. Sometimes it actually works.

Sarge

[NikF]

And unfortunately the only "picture" I have of her at that age. I really regret not owning, not being able to afford a camera and film processing when I was a teen. Fortunately, my best friend did have a camera in high school and college and took a few pictures of the first Pisces girl. At least I have one of them on film...as a reminder to avoid romantic entanglements with that astrological sign 

Sarge

Years ago after a date (if you didn't bed her immediately afterwards) you would go home and lay back and try to remember just how piquant her *nose is. Nowadays you can look at the selfie you shot during the date or one of the hundreds of pictures she might have on Facebook or Instagram or whatever.



* I'm quite sure I've never tried to remember how piquant some chick's nose is - I'm just trying to use a polite option here.

[NikF]

"I don't understand why you don't like Brahms! His music can be very manly and so I'm sure it would appeal to you!"

(You can skip this techie part)
Frau Doktor. A photo of a framed/matted print which I've cropped a little too close here. Taken in the kitchen of my old house, a favoured location because the ceiling was high and painted black and so I could more easily control the light. And speaking of light, I used two red heads (hot lights) because she hadn't seen them in action before, but frankly, also because I know how to employ them correctly.
A long lens - always go as long as you can - try it before you dismiss it. F--k what might be considered fashionable or not at any given time. Get the biggest lens you can and get in there.
I'll add that the framed original of this is huge - I never shoot stuff to just view it on a monitor.





I was visiting a part of the city which has a fair number of galleries dotted here and there. Nowadays I don't know many of the proprietors at all, but I guess there's still enough of an air about me so that we can chat without them dipping into their vast range of BS spiels.

This area also hosts a number of charming eateries and cafe/bars which I like to indulge myself in if I'm visiting around lunch time. On that afternoon I was passing one of the bars which courtesy of a frontage consisting of folding doors was wide open to all and sundry. I looked and spied a petite and curly haired woman who was standing and holding a wine glass and almost imperceptibly leaning back while a blowhard was talking with her. Or more exactly, he appeared to be talking at her. I went in and ordered a drink then stood within what I believed was her eye line. She has an accent, but I can barely hear it because he won't shut up. Patience, Patience, Patience... See? He has left her for a moment and it's my chance. I noticed the printed program in her hand and gestured to it as I approached.

Me: Hi. I saw you in that gallery earlier, didn't I?
Her: No.
Me: I'm sure I did.
Her. No, a few of us were part of a private viewing. You weren't there.
Me: Okay, let's forget about that. I'm Nik.

We only chatted for a couple of minutes before the dude returned. She told me she had to go - obviously not wanting to be further bored by him - and made to leave. So "*Give me your number, because I want to spend some time with you. Same time and place next week?" No, not possible, but she was available the following Saturday afternoon. And that was the groundwork laid for a two year relationship. 

Like all the women who have played a huge, positive and formative part in my adult life, she was the antithesis of me. She's well read, highly educated and over here finishing up her doctorate. She's from Berlin. Her father (of Turkish origin) is an architect and her mother a music teacher (although she once played violin in one of the German radio orchestras - I don't remember which) and she has huge eyes and full lips, the aforementioned mass of long curly hair, and a beautiful body - not voluptuous as such, more like provocative - and you know how sometimes you see a woman with the kind of figure that's apparently at odds with her quiet, kind of restrained demeanour? Yeah, one of those. And while she didn't attempt to hide it completely her wardrobe was big oversized shirts and dresses which she would belt at the waist with a coloured cord, which tended to accentuate what looked like a killer combo of hyperlordosis and an anterior pelvic tilt, thus almost defeating the purpose anyway.

She introduced me to the music of (amongst others) Brahms, Mahler and Schumann. And she cast further light on composers I'd heard a little of (Stravinsky) and always did so with enjoyment, as opposed to elitist smugness. I can clearly recall us sitting on the floor of her place after dinner, a glass of wine in hand, settling down for my first viewing of Haneke's 'La Pianiste' and feeling moved throughout, firstly almost high as a kite, then chilled at the opening of 'Im Dorfe'. She gave me all that. She was great.

It was her idea for me to have an archive online of my work. And she assured me that if I used a different name (for the domain/sites) I wouldn't have to deal with BS or messages from people and that kind of crap. So we started towards that. It was all cool and good.

During one of her visits back home she sent me a message saying she had visited with two gallery owners and showed them a couple of my prints she'd taken with her. Huh? When she returned I pointed out that while what she had done was hardly an unforgivable crime, it was the last thing I wanted anyone to do in that part of my (working) life.
Although it's impossible to say for sure, I think that if she hadn't done that there was a least a good chance I'd have returned with her to Berlin and set up home together after she finished in the UK. But who knows with this stuff?

To this day we keep in touch, she occasionally sends me small notes or even CDs she thinks I should listen to. And she knows me well, knows my weakness(es) and what moves me, what fires me - she was the first person to hint that one day something might happen between Toots McG and I - and we still generally remain fond of each other.


* Not "Can I have your number, please?" or "We've only met and so I probably shouldn't ask, but could I see you again?" and definitely not "Here's my number/email call me when you're available?". No, no, no. "Give me..." - see the difference? You can usually tell before you even ask if she'll give you her number/is interested or not. Just do it calmly and with confidence and a smile. And don't be a whining babby if she refuses. 

[Mirror Image]

Nice story, Nik. Keep them coming. It's always a bonus to find a woman who likes classical music. Hopefully, one day, this will happen for me.

[NikF]

Nice story, Nik. Keep them coming. It's always a bonus to find a woman who likes classical music. Hopefully, one day, this will happen for me.

Thanks.
I still think it's better to have shared values rather than specific shared interests, but I understand how finding someone who enjoys and values the music as much as you do would be so appealing. I mean, don't get me wrong - remember that upcoming chamber recital I was telling you about (the Shostakovich Piano Trio No. 2 and the RVW C minor piano quintet)? I wouldn't mind walking into the auditorium and finding a late twenties Emmanuelle Beart in the unallocated seating.   

But just keep plugging away, talking to people, make eye contact, enjoy going to events or simply about your day as a matter of course, appear faintly indifferent to it all (especially when you meet a woman) and it'll eventually happen.

[NikF]

I don't know, I'd kind of like a robotic extraterrestrial, cybergoth angelic witch personally 

You're saying that now, but wait until you wake the next morning and find them gone along with all your toilet paper - and I mean the expensive multi-ply quilted stuff.

[Mirror Image]

Thanks.
I still think it's better to have shared values rather than specific shared interests, but I understand how finding someone who enjoys and values the music as much as you do would be so appealing. I mean, don't get me wrong - remember that upcoming chamber recital I was telling you about (the Shostakovich Piano Trio No. 2 and the RVW C minor piano quintet)? I wouldn't mind walking into the auditorium and finding a late twenties Emmanuelle Beart in the unallocated seating.   

But just keep plugging away, talking to people, make eye contact, enjoy going to events or simply about your day as a matter of course, appear faintly indifferent to it all (especially when you meet a woman) and it'll eventually happen.

Yeah, liking the same music as I do isn't a prerequisite for dating me that's for sure. I'm just taking things day-by-day and not really worrying about finding anyone right now. I'm basking in the sounds of Leo Kottke right now. Certainly one of my favorite musicians...ever.

[NikF]

That's cool. 

[Mirror Image]

This girl I can't stop thinking about is driving me bloody mad 

Remain calm...please. As Nik always tells me, stay cool. Have you spoken to her much?

[NikF]

This girl I can't stop thinking about is driving me bloody mad 

No, she isn't driving you mad. You are driving yourself mad. She's just making you feel alive. 

Ol' Mirror Image has called it right - calm down and take it easy  And tell us all about it? 

Remain calm...please. As Nik always tells me, stay cool. Have you spoken to her much?

Yeah, you're damn right. Damn right. 

[NikF]

Not yet, I haven't gained the opportunity to jump in and make an impression yet. This is the one who is in two of my classes/lectures and the choir, she is so beautiful!! I don't know how to describe the feeling, it's very strange.
At the moment, all this general social anxiety is creeping up on me with people. Life is so busy and at stake now, it's like I'm beginning to feel closed in as a defense mechanism. Then this girl, is like an angel; it's hard to get my focus back on the bigger picture.

I'm trying to find a balance and make friends, it's no easy task 



Also as a side note (not really related to dating), I did spot a girl who used to go to the college I went to years ago at my lecture today. I never knew her, vice versa but I recognized her. It would probably freak her out if I went up to her and said that I recognized her. We where both at this classical/jazz competition with different groups back then (I think she plays Clarinet? or maybe violin? Idk
I don't have any feelings for her obviously but she is quite a physically attractive gal! 



Where the fuck is this going? 
Girls are both heaven and hell, I'm so busy, so tired, so stressed, losing track of inspiration, fatigued by everything and somehow feeling an ironic pleasure about all of it. Life has always seemed surreal and absurd to me but now it's showing itself in a very practical way. I got to wake up so early, catch a bus, get a coffee, hang around, go to two lectures and the library, walk around town like a headless chicken, buy lunch, deal with public awkwardness (everyone is), go home, listen to music, study, write lots of shit, freak out about everything, keep thinking about girls and even random strangers, think all this existential pseudo-spiritual mumbojumbo, get dinner, read, music, blah blah, blah blah 

I'm so bloody tired 

We've all been there. Really, you're not the first. But I know that info is of no use to you at all. 

For now, if there's one thing you can do that will make a positive difference to your situation, it's this; make sure you are eating as well as possible, that you're keeping yourself hydrated and sleeping enough. Also - and I know I'm repeating myself - go outside once in a while and smell the flowers. 

[Mirror Image]

To Nik

To Alien...well you definitely need to try not to stress yourself out. The worst thing you could do is actually approach her with all of this anxiety and nervousness you seem to be projecting at the moment. Once you've collected yourself a bit better and you breathe in and out, you should definitely go and talk with her. Ask her out for some coffee first, then perhaps, if she's digging you, you could meet or pick her up for dinner. Start slow and remember to breathe.

On a side note, I asked out several women over the past week and was shot down by each of them, which is perfectly fine of course. The key to these things is to keep moving and don't look behind.

[NikF]

To Nik

To Alien...well you definitely need to try not to stress yourself out. The worst thing you could do is actually approach her with all of this anxiety and nervousness you seem to be projecting at the moment. Once you've collected yourself a bit better and you breathe in and out, you should definitely go and talk with her. Ask her out for some coffee first, then perhaps, if she's digging you, you could meet or pick her up for dinner. Start slow and remember to breathe.

On a side note, I asked out several women over the past week and was shot down by each of them, which is perfectly fine of course. The key to these things is to keep moving and don't look behind.

Last week I was going to the shops and an incredibly pretty woman (early/mid 30s, brunette, slim) came walking in my direction. I did my usual polite "Good morning" (although come to think of it, I might have just nodded and smiled in acknowledgement) and she looked at me and her face instantly changed completely. Really, it contorted into a look that could curdle milk.  I kept on walking and started telling myself "...it's okay, she's probably just having a bad day..." 

[Mirror Image]

Last week I was going to the shops and an incredibly pretty woman (early/mid 30s, brunette, slim) came walking in my direction. I did my usual polite "Good morning" (although come to think of it, I might have just nodded and smiled in acknowledgement) and she looked at me and her face instantly changed completely. Really, it contorted into a look that could curdle milk.  I kept on walking and started telling myself "...it's okay, she's probably just having a bad day..." 

HA! ...and life goes on...

[NikF]

Lol, I need therapy 

Nah, you're fine.    Like Mirror Image says, stay cool.  And when you ask her out if she says "Yes" also ask if she has an older sister for him and an even older one divorced mother for me? 

[ComposerOfAvantGarde]

Someone amazing whom I admire a lot has decided to buy herself tickets for a flight to Melbourne this year. I might post here how everything goes because she has told me she is keen to go out. ^_^

She is planning on staying 10 minutes away from me (booking with Airbnb but she aslo would like us to stay together if things go well. ^_^ I learn a lot from her........it's lovely to feel some kind of connection with someone in this way.

[Mirror Image]

Nah, you're fine.    Like Mirror Image says, stay cool.  And when you ask her out if she says "Yes" also ask if she has an older sister for him and an even older one divorced mother for me? 

Ha! But what makes you think I want the older sister? I could be looking at the older, divorced mother. She may prove to be the better match for me.

[Mirror Image]

Congrats J, hope it goes well for you two! 

+1

[ComposerOfAvantGarde]

Congrats J, hope it goes well for you two! 

I hope it does. We've already planned a number of performances to go see. I'm able to take her to see some Melbourne Symphony Orchestra concerts for free because I'm in the associated Chorus.