How can I ask this question to my friend?

[Dry Brett Kavanaugh]

My good friend in Spain is planning to visit Japan in June next year. I can (and would like to) go there and travel with him. But I was wondering if he would like to travel alone. How can I ask him about his preference without making him feel awkward? Is there anyway to find his preference without asking him?

[Brian]

I think the best policy is always a direct and honest question rather than a confusing or vague or "subtle" one. However, make the question about the friend rather than yourself. e.g. Would you like company on your trip? or Are you wanting to travel alone/with your family? Not just Can I come?

Of course, if your friend says "Yes, I look forward to time with my spouse/kids/self," then that will answer it for you.

[Dry Brett Kavanaugh]

I think the best policy is always a direct and honest question rather than a confusing or vague or "subtle" one. However, make the question about the friend rather than yourself. e.g. Would you like company on your trip? or Are you wanting to travel alone/with your family? Not just Can I come?

Of course, if your friend says "Yes, I look forward to time with my spouse/kids/self," then that will answer it for you.

Well, you are American, I'm Japanese, and he's Spaniard. Yes I would like his company on my trip. We have traveled together South America a few times- just a few days for each time. A subtle question is not necessarily a confusing or unclear question, I think. Thank you for your opinion though. And you maybe right.

[Brian]

I meant you should be asking him if he wants company or is looking forward to traveling without it (or with someone else).

[Dry Brett Kavanaugh]

I meant you should be asking him if he wants company or is looking forward to traveling without it (or with someone else).

Ok, I got confused. But still such a question seems to be a little awkward.

[(poco) Sforzando]

I would not say a word or even hint at one. Leave it up to him to ask you if he's interested. Even a hint can be construed as putting pressure on your friend.

[Dry Brett Kavanaugh]

I would not say a word or even hint at one. Leave it up to him to ask you if he's interested. Even a hint can be construed as putting pressure on your friend.

Sounds very good!

[hopefullytrusting]

I would not say a word or even hint at one. Leave it up to him to ask you if he's interested. Even a hint can be construed as putting pressure on your friend.

I agree with this, but I might also try this:



Except imagine a map of Japan instead of a leash.

[Irons]

My plan would to be not asking the question in a serious fashion, rather in a self-depreciating and  jokey way. "Taking a risk visiting Japan, if you are not careful you could be stuck with me!"
Your friend will have the choice without embarrassment of saying he would love you to come along or saying nothing. Either way you will know. 

[Mandryka]

Is there anyway to find his preference without asking him?

No. Stop pussyfooting!

[AnotherSpin]

You don't always need to ask directly to understand what someone prefers. Often it is enough to notice small things in how they speak or behave. Try to see what kind of traveller he is: does he usually go with others or travel alone? Listen to how he talks about the trip. If he says "I want to discover Japan," he may prefer to explore by himself. If he says "We should go to...," he might be imagining a shared experience. Also notice whether he asks for advice or suggestions, as that can be a quiet way of saying he would welcome company.

If you want to find out more gently, you could mention what others have done: "Some friends who visited Japan said they enjoyed having time alone to wander, while others liked having someone local to show them around. What kind of experience do you think would feel right for you?"

You might also suggest a plan that gives both space and companionship: "If you'd like, I could join you for part of the trip, perhaps a few days in Kyoto or Tokyo. You would still have plenty of time to explore on your own as well." This way you show kindness and respect for his preferences without putting any pressure on him.

[Florestan]

Too much beating around the bush. 

Just tell him directly and frankly: "I'd be delighted to join you, but if you prefer to go alone I completely understand and I'm just as fine with that."

[(poco) Sforzando]

Too much beating around the bush. 

Just tell him directly and frankly: "I'd be delighted to join you, but if you prefer to go alone I completely understand and I'm just as fine with that."

That's fair too.

[Kalevala]

My good friend in Spain is planning to visit Japan in June next year. I can (and would like to) go there and travel with him. But I was wondering if he would like to travel alone. How can I ask him about his preference without making him feel awkward? Is there anyway to find his preference without asking him?

If you went to Japan next year, would you mostly be staying with family?

Depending upon the length of time that both of you decide to spend there, you might want to meet up for part of his trip there?

K