The Joke Thread

Started by karlhenning, April 25, 2007, 12:34:49 PM

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Pohjolas Daughter

Quote from: Cato on June 19, 2024, 05:24:13 AMWOW !  Kajagoogoo!


For those who do not know the old song:



And now for something completely different!





I recognize the song from way back when; however, I don't understand the reference to $48 [Note:  I did not watch the whole video].

That carol singers one was quite clever!  :)

PD
Pohjolas Daughter

Cato

Quote from: Pohjolas Daughter on June 19, 2024, 10:16:19 AMI recognize the song from way back when; however, I don't understand the reference to $48 [Note:  I did not watch the whole video].

That carol singers one was quite clever!  :)

PD



It is an older phrase, at least here in America, but if you have $48.00 and the ticket is $50.00, then you are "Two Shy" of the full amount!  (Two Shy = Too Shy)

Today you would hear most likely: "I cannot buy the ticket because I am two short (i.e. two dollars short)," which phrase also lends itself to some humor.   8)
"Meet Miss Ruth Sherwood, from Columbus, Ohio, the Middle of the Universe!"

- Brian Aherne introducing Rosalind Russell in  My Sister Eileen (1942)

Pohjolas Daughter

Quote from: Cato on June 19, 2024, 11:23:06 AMIt is an older phrase, at least here in America, but if you have $48.00 and the ticket is $50.00, then you are "Two Shy" of the full amount!  (Two Shy = Too Shy)

Thank you for the explanation.  I know the phrase but didn't connect it with the song.   ;)

PD
Pohjolas Daughter

George

"Why would anyone buy a death bed?"

- Norm MacDonald
"I can't live without music, because music is life." - Yvonne Lefébure

Wendell_E

Quote from: George on June 29, 2024, 04:19:55 PM"Why would anyone buy a death bed?"

- Norm MacDonald

But seriously, it's cheaper than renting one from a hospital.  ;D
"Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." ― Mark Twain

Iota

I don't trust people who count in their heads. You never know what they're up to.

DaveF

Quote from: milk on July 29, 2022, 05:18:07 AMIt's very difficult to find jokes that my four-and-a-half year old can understand. Here's one I think he gets: why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7,8,9.
Which reminded me of this one - sadly, your now 6-year-old probably won't understand.  (It makes more sense when heard rather than read):

What comes between fear and sex?
Fünf.
"All the world is birthday cake" - George Harrison

milk

Quote from: DaveF on June 30, 2024, 05:10:02 AMWhich reminded me of this one - sadly, your now 6-year-old probably won't understand.  (It makes more sense when heard rather than read):

What comes between fear and sex?
Fünf.
My six year old? I had to research this one! I do have a Swiss friend. I'll ask him if he's heard this joke before.

SimonNZ

Me: *telling a joke*
Sara: hahaha
Sarah: hahahah

George

The man who invented the crossword puzzle died this week. They buried him 6 down and 3 across.
"I can't live without music, because music is life." - Yvonne Lefébure

Irons

Quote from: SimonNZ on July 10, 2024, 06:09:45 PMMe: *telling a joke*
Sara: hahaha
Sarah: hahahah

Good one.
You must have a very good opinion of yourself to write a symphony - John Ireland.

I opened the door people rushed through and I was left holding the knob - Bo Diddley.

George

Food has replaced sex in my life and now I can't get into my own pants.

- Jay London
"I can't live without music, because music is life." - Yvonne Lefébure

Cato

#572
Peter Schickele told this on his radio show many years ago: I just about wrecked the car at the end!  ;D

An anthropologist discovers a lost tribe: he was able to find them because he had followed the sounds of drums into an unexplored valley.

Fortunately the tribe spoke a language related to one spoken by others across the mountains, so with some difficulty he was able to communicate with the tribe.

The tribe was amazed when he appeared and began festivities to welcome him.  After meeting the chief, and noticing that the distant drums were still beating very interesting rhythms, the anthropologist asked the chief:

"Those drums which your tribe is playing somewhere: are they part of a religious ceremony?"

The chief becomes very cautious and simply says "No!"

Hours later, near nightfall, the drums are still beating, and the explorer wonders how long they will last.

Waking up in the middle of the night, he still hears the drums beating extraordinary rhythms!

In the morning, the drums are still going!

So again he wonders and asks the chief: "Can you tell me what the drumming means?"

The chief rolls his eyes, sighs, and says mysteriously: "If drums beat, Life good!"

Unsatisfied, the visitor carefully inquires among others in the tribe, but receives either a wide-eyed "No!" or a repetition of "If drums beat, Life good!"

So, the researcher spends several days with the tribe, and for 24 hours every day, the drums keep beating!

Finally, the anthropologist needs to return to his base camp, and meets with the chief to say good-bye.

In the middle of his farewell, the drums stop beating!

Immediately people start weeping, crying, running for cover, dropping to their knees and beating the ground and screaming in despair and agony!

Astonished, the anthropologist says: "CHIEF!  Please!  You must explain!  Why did the drums stop beating?  Why is everyone so panicked?"

The chief shakes his head, covers his eyes, and says:

"Time for bass solo!"  ;D

"Meet Miss Ruth Sherwood, from Columbus, Ohio, the Middle of the Universe!"

- Brian Aherne introducing Rosalind Russell in  My Sister Eileen (1942)

George

I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.

- Jay London
"I can't live without music, because music is life." - Yvonne Lefébure

Irons

A new Chinese restaurant opened in my town with a large poster in the window All you can eat for £5  :P

They gave me one chopstick!
You must have a very good opinion of yourself to write a symphony - John Ireland.

I opened the door people rushed through and I was left holding the knob - Bo Diddley.

Cato

American comedian Bob Newhart died today at age 94.

Here is an excerpt from his second TV show in the 1980's: the set-up is that Bob has a TV show, on which he interviews authors about their books.

The scheduled author has canceled at the last minute, so the producer has quickly found another author to fill the spot....except Bob has obviously not read his book.



The actor playing the author is absolutely brilliant! Guy Boyd, a character actor in dramas and - obviously - comedies!

"Meet Miss Ruth Sherwood, from Columbus, Ohio, the Middle of the Universe!"

- Brian Aherne introducing Rosalind Russell in  My Sister Eileen (1942)