The Simpsons

[George]

"Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn.
It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel"

Homer J. Simpson

[J.Z. Herrenberg]

"Marge, don’t discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn.
It’s what separates us from the animals … except the weasel"

Homer J. Simpson

(Good to see you like The Simpsons, too, Howard.)

[Joe Barron]

Paul Harvey, on the radio: And that little boy who nobody liked grew up to be --- Roy Cohn.

Homer: The moral of Moby Dick was "Be yourself."

[lisa needs braces]

this is worth a bump

[lisa needs braces]

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

[lisa needs braces]

 Tom: It's a lovely day for a launch, here, live at Cape Canaveral, at
       the lower end of the Florida Peninsula, and the purpose of
       today's mission is truly, really electrifying.
Man 2: That's correct, Tom.  The lion's share of this flight will be
       devoted to the study of the effects of weightlessness on tiny
       screws.
  Tom: Unbelievable, and just imagine the logistics of weightlessness.
       And of course, this could have literally millions of applications
       here on Earth -- everything from watchmaking to watch repair.
Homer: Boring.
        [tries to switch channels, but the batteries fall from the
       remote control]
       No!  The batteries!
  Tom: Now let's look at the crew a little.
Man 2: They're a colorful bunch.  They've been dubbed "the Three
       Musketeers".  Heh heh heh --
  Tom: And we laugh legitimately.  There's a mathematician, a different
       _kind_ of mathematician, and a statistician.
Homer: Make it stop!  [panics]
Bart: Oh no, not another boring space launch.  Change the channel.
       Change the channel!
Homer: I can't!  I can't!
        [Bart dives for the plug and tears it from the wall]
        [He and Homer both sigh]
-- Close call, "Deep Space Homer"

[lisa needs braces]

Scientist: People, we're in danger of losing our funding.  America isn't
           interested in space exploration any more.
Assistant: Maybe we should finally tell them the big secret: that all
           the chimps we sent into space came back super-intelligent.
    Chimp: No, I don't think we'll be telling them _that_.
[Roller skates away, making monkey noises]

[lisa needs braces]

Scientist: Ladies and gentlemen and members of the press.  I'd like to
           present the new generation of NASA astronauts: the average
           American.
            [Curtain rises to show Homer wearing a "Hail to the Chef"
           apron and Barney dressed as a golfer]
Reporter: Jim Wallace, Associated Press.  [clears throat] Is this a
           joke?
Scientist: [cheery] Far from it, Jim.  One of these men will prove space
           travel is within the reach of the common man.
Reporter: Toby Hunter, Minneapolis Star.  No really, is this a joke?
Scientist: No, Toby, and no more questions about whether this is a joke.
            [Everyone lowers their hand, dejected]
-- "Deep Space Homer"

[PaulR]

Bart: Mom, am I a butch or a femme?
Marge: [with hand lifted] Honey, you can be anything you want to be.

Guy N. Cognito: [comes into Moe's looking exactly like Homer except for a fake-looking moustache and silly voice] Hello! My name is Guy N. Cognito.
Moe: Get out of here, Homer!
[sound of Guy N. Cognito getting beaten up and thrown unconscious into the street]
Homer: [walking along despondent until he stumbles onto Guy N. Cognito] Oh, my God, this man is my exact double!
[a small, puffy-tailed dog walks by]
Homer: That dog has a puffy tail!
[Homer leaves Guy and starts pursuing the dog]
Homer: Here, puff!

Mr. Burns: I can't be responsible for what my goons are ordered to do.

[lisa needs braces]

Guy N. Cognito: [comes into Moe's looking exactly like Homer except for a fake-looking moustache and silly voice] Hello! My name is Guy N. Cognito.
Moe: Get out of here, Homer!
[sound of Guy N. Cognito getting beaten up and thrown unconscious into the street]
Homer: [walking along despondent until he stumbles onto Guy N. Cognito] Oh, my God, this man is my exact double!
[a small, puffy-tailed dog walks by]
Homer: That dog has a puffy tail!
[Homer leaves Guy and starts pursuing the dog]
Homer: Here, puff!

One of my favorite scenes from the show. 

[PaulR]

One of my favorite scenes from the show. 

mine too.....out of the many

Great episode too

[PaulR]

[Driving home from Krusty's comedy show]
Homer Simpson: From now on, I'm going to be just like Krusty and tell it like it is! Marge, you're getting a little fat around the thighs.
Bart: Dad!
Homer Simpson: You too, Bart.
Marge: Oh Homer, be quiet, you're the fattest person in this car.
Homer Simpson: Aw... you didn't have to tell it like it is.

    Milhouse van Houten: Well, if you just want to out-and-out lie... okay, we could call it a "temporary refund adjustment."
    Lisa Simpson: I love it.
    Milhouse van Houten: Really? What else do you love, Lisa?
    Lisa Simpson: Fiscal solvency.
    Milhouse van Houten (heartbroken): Uh, me too.