Dating or not dating.

[NikF]

I'll be taking Kate to see the new Star Wars film this coming Monday. Before the show, we're going to have dinner. So...dinner and a movie. A cliched date idea for sure, but seeing this new Star Wars film on an IMAX screen with my special someone sounds great to me.

Yeah, it sounds great indeed. Hope you both have a great time. Also: as before,  stay ---> 

[vandermolen]

I'll be taking Kate to see the new Star Wars film this coming Monday. Before the show, we're going to have dinner. So...dinner and a movie. A cliched date idea for sure, but seeing this new Star Wars film on an IMAX screen with my special someone sounds great to me.

Sounds like a very good plan to me. 

[Mirror Image]

Sounds like a very good plan to me. 

Yeah, it sounds great indeed. Hope you both have a great time. Also: as before,  stay ---> 

^^ good luck Mirror Image pal! 

Thanks a lot, guys! I'll try to stay cool, Nik.

[Ken B]

I'll be taking Kate to see the new Star Wars film this coming Monday. Before the show, we're going to have dinner. So...dinner and a movie. A cliched date idea for sure, but seeing this new Star Wars film on an IMAX screen with my special someone sounds great to me.

So much better than dinner and Stockhausen concert. So very much better.

[Mirror Image]

So much better than dinner and Stockhausen concert. So very much better.

Indeed, Ken. If she liked Stockhausen, I'd probably have to dump her.

[lisa needs braces]

Thanks for dropping by. By your token, nobody is worth knowing and a person should be alone for the rest of their life. Sorry, but life is much more fulfilling when there are people in it that genuinely care about you. That's what truly matters.

Female love is primarily opportunistic. Yes, life is more fulfilling when there are people in it that genuinely care about you. Female romantic love however is opportunistic and prays upon that desire, and it can be withdrawn without guilt or shame when a better opportunity comes along. We men have a desperate need to be approved and accepted by a female we find sexually desirable, and this desire goes beyond a mere need for sex. However, women don't have that same pressing need to be accepted by men, though they need men's resources and commitment to carry out their biological imperative -- to become mothers. To women, we males are merely a tool to achieve that end, and the desperate male need for female companionship is the upper hand that women use to keep men in exploitative arrangements where the man is merely a mule who grudgingly gets tokens of affection and sex every once in a while on the condition that he keeps being a mule.

[greg]

However, women don't have that same pressing need to be accepted by men, though they need men's resources and commitment to carry out their biological imperative -- to become mothers. To women, we males are merely a tool to achieve that end,

Part of what you're saying is true, except for the fact that you're overlooking couples who don't have kids (and where the woman doesn't want them). That really doesn't fit in with this. I think saying that women don't have the same need for acceptance from men is a huge assumption, and probably mostly wrong.

[NJ Joe]

I'll be taking Kate to see the new Star Wars film this coming Monday. Before the show, we're going to have dinner. So...dinner and a movie. A cliched date idea for sure, but seeing this new Star Wars film on an IMAX screen with my special someone sounds great to me.

John, this sounds like a great second date! Glad the first date went well for you my friend. Great pic too! Just be yourself and the rest will follow.

[Mirror Image]

John, this sounds like a great second date! Glad the first date went well for you my friend. Great pic too! Just be yourself and the rest will follow.

Thanks, Joe, but later on this afternoon the detective inside of me came to fore. I'm naturally an inquisitive person, so here's what I began to think about: 1. she dated someone back in her country of Thailand for 10 years but broke up with him (as she claimed) once she came to the States, 2. she had a career as a computer programmer also back in her country but left that behind when came here, in which she also left her entire family behind, and 3. she's 34 years old and is over here studying English (and whatever else) and her mother is an English professor! I don't get this at all. What would be her true reasoning to be in the States studying? Why did she break up with her boyfriend after that long of a time together? Were they married? If yes, why did they divorce? There just seems to be a red flag somewhere and I'm going to find out. I need answers. She knows about me and my own life and I'm sure she has her own questions, but I don't see this thing going any further if she doesn't supply me with some logical answers. I'm not going to go into the date thinking negatively, because, right now, I have nothing to be negative about, but, like I mentioned, if her answer isn't good enough for me. I'm out the door.

P.S. I'm still going to see the new Star Wars with or without her.

[Mirror Image]

One thing I need to learn, and really I should already know by now, is to not count my chickens before they hatch. I don't mean to be so pessimistic about all of this, but things just aren't adding up like they should.

[greg]

So your basic question is why she left everything behind to come to the US? I don't see a red flag in there... don't think of it as such. Really, what is the worst reason that it could be? What do you really have to lose? 

[Mirror Image]

So your basic question is why she left everything behind to come to the US? I don't see a red flag in there... don't think of it as such. Really, what is the worst reason that it could be? What do you really have to lose? 

I personally don't have anything to lose except for the hope of creating a bond with her. I don't really think you've thought too much about this, Greg. It just doesn't make a lot of sense for someone to break up with a person she's been dating for 15 years and come to a country to study and leave behind a good paying job and her family. My fear is if things do become serious for us and her intentions aren't genuine, then at some point I'm left holding the bag, because, for me, the last stop in a serious relationship is marriage (if someone believes in that). Why would someone date someone for 15 years and not get married, especially since in her culture marriage is the norm? My fears are not without foundation as I believe people do things for certain reasons. My main question is why, after all of those years spent in Thailand with a good paying job and, from what she's told me, a good family, would someone leave that behind? Like I said, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt, but if she can't supply me with something that is logical and reasonable, I'll just chalk this whole thing up to experience and leave it at that.

[Mirror Image]

Also, she's from Bangkok and if she was 'bored' with her career, there's plenty of other jobs she could get. She claims everyone in her family can speak excellent English but her, but why not just learn from her English professor mom? Strange...

[Rinaldo]

We men have a desperate need to be approved and accepted by a female we find sexually desirable, and this desire goes beyond a mere need for sex. However, women don't have that same pressing need to be accepted by men, though they need men's resources and commitment to carry out their biological imperative -- to become mothers.

Speak for yourself buddy.

To women, we males are merely a tool to achieve that end, and the desperate male need for female companionship is the upper hand that women use to keep men in exploitative arrangements where the man is merely a mule who grudgingly gets tokens of affection and sex every once in a while on the condition that he keeps being a mule.

Somebody dumped you, eh?

[NJ Joe]

Also, she's from Bangkok and if she was 'bored' with her career, there's plenty of other jobs she could get. She claims everyone in her family can speak excellent English but her, but why not just learn from her English professor mom? Strange...

I get your points, John, and agree the questions are worth pursuing.  "Cautious optimism" is a phrase I like to use and apply to my own situation (not dating related, but you know to what I'm referring).

So go out tonight, have a good time, and gently do your due diligence. There may certainly be valid reasons for everything she's doing, and unrelated to you.  Maybe she had a really bad break-up or wanted to get away from her family, or all of the above. You never know.

[Rinaldo]

John, breaking up with someone you've been with for a long time could be EXACTLY the reason to move elsewhere and start a whole new life.

You're curious, that's all right, but don't jump to conclusions until you truly know there's something you're not comfortable with.

[Mirror Image]

I get your points, John, and agree the questions are worth pursuing.  "Cautious optimism" is a phrase I like to use and apply to my own situation (not dating related, but you know to what I'm referring).

So go out tonight, have a good time, and gently do your due diligence. There may certainly be valid reasons for everything she's doing, and unrelated to you.  Maybe she had a really bad break-up or wanted to get away from her family, or all of the above. You never know.

John, breaking up with someone you've been with for a long time could be EXACTLY the reason to move elsewhere and start a whole new life.

You're curious, that's all right, but don't jump to conclusions until you truly know there's something you're not comfortable with.

Thank you both. You're both quite right that I shouldn't let my own suspicions taint what could possibly become a meaningful relationship. I'm going to find out everything that has been weighing me down lately on Monday.

[Ken B]

John. Chill.

Talk to her. Don't make it an inquisition.

[Mirror Image]

John. Chill.

Talk to her. Don't make it an inquisition.

Will do, Ken. I'm not sure if I can chill out, though.

[NikF]

John. Chill.

Talk to her. Don't make it an inquisition.

Yeah, that's it.

Just remember to keep breathing, nice and easy.