That piece I wrote about higher up this page, nigh on three months ago, the one about which I said
''tis only a piano scribbling of my normal sort, and who knows if it will be any good. I'm too close to it to tell at the moment. It has my usual moments of increasing complexity, tuplets building up into ever-bigger nests, the whole shebang-charade
...was, when I wrote that, very close to completion. It remains so. I haven't been able to write a single note of it since. I could plead lack of time, but though I'm ultra-busy in the final analysis I suppose there has been time. But even though there are free minutes and hours, my life is so full of concerns at the moment, and for the foreseeable future, that even when I find myself with an opportunity - such as now, I have ten minutes at the moment - I just can't do it. It's a matter of getting my mind into the right zone, and I simply can't do it. That's also why I haven't posted here in recent weeks - not through lack of desire to, not through lack of looking (I check out the board every time I am able to). Just through lack of intellectual energy, general life-fatigue that means I am only coasting musically, at the moment, and to be honest not feeling as if I am much of a real musician at all, fingers clumsy at the piano, ideas stodgy and same-old, brain clumsy in thinking with any acuteness...is acuteness even a word? There was a time that I would get hugely energised about discussions on the board, but at the moment that hardly seems to happen, and even subjects which once motivated me to write long screeds I can't summon up the power for. I
don't think it's forever
it's not forever - I am as in love with music and composing as I ever was, of course I am, and I yearn for a time where I can sit, think, stop worrying about everything else and simply write. But I can't see a time in the near future when I will be able to do so. Maybe at Easter, there may be a few days...but I doubt it
I am writing that half in the hope that in doing so I will be proved wrong, and have to eat humble pie when I come back in a few days having jotted down half a symphony. But it seems unlikely...!
Ho hum, I don't mean to be depressing! That's why I was keeping quiet.