Anyone who can relate?

[greg]

this made me think- i originally intended to post in the  "The death of classical music" thread but, i changed my mind and thought this was Diner-worthy, maybe 

4. The war on difference, taste, style and personality. Everyone must dress, behave, speak exactly the same, preferably as tasteless, rude and incoherently as possible. Everyone must like exactly the same type of music and read exactly the same type of books (the fewer, the better, anyway).

That's what I find so paradoxical. You ever notice how everyone who is young is encouraged to "be different" and "be themselves", yet underneath that there is more pressure to conform to a specific group in order to fit in. You have the football players, the partiers, nerds, the "thugs" (lol at that one), rednecks, skaters, you get the point.... But if you are totally yourself, you might not fit in, right?

This is off topic i guess, but the only group i could actually fit in with were the groups, or at least a few people that i knew, who really didn't define themselves one way or another. How do you fit in to a specific group when you like playing basketball while listening to Xenakis and then taking a break to read manga and then study another language?   

So it is hard in school, you end up not wanting to do things your friends do, because you honestly don't care for those things and don't pretend to care- such as going to the beach, watching football, partying, skateboarding, going to rock music concerts, stuff like that. You end up making friends with people but when they talk about this stuff you're bored to death and then you just end up not talking to people because there's not much at all to talk about. And basketball games are too expensive to go to, unless you wanna see dots running around 

I'm just thinking, maybe I should pretend to like stuff more when I go back to school, just to have more friends..... i don't know, should i? Should I try to join a certain group? If so, I have no idea where I'd fit in, plus if it was a really big group (instead of just a few people I hang out with), I'd have to become their leader.
But I don't know.... the whole hanging out with one group and then going to the next and being able to know a bunch of different people just enough to say hi to them when passing by is fun, but it's not fun. It'd be nice to have a group, but there really is no group that I could fit in if I were to be honest, and totally myself.

hmmm... i just had a thought. If I had enough money for gym membership, I could be a gym freak, but..... i don't think i'll be able to afford a gym membership.

[caulfield]

Where do you live ? 

[greg]

Where do you live ? 

Florida

[Florestan]

Should I try to join a certain group?

Only if you feel you belong there.

My advice: resist peer-pressure at all costs.

[Que]

Only if you feel you belong there.

My advice: resist peer-pressure at all costs.

Good advice, although resisting pressure comes at a cost. But it's worth paying.

Q

[greg]

Good advice, although resisting pressure comes at a cost. But it's worth paying.

Q

yep, i'd say stuff like resisting what could end up as a lifetime drug addiction is worth it.

[Mark]

My peers smoked. I resisted. My peers bought (and drank) alcohol under age. I resisted. My peers broke rules, did drugs, committed crimes. I resisted. My peers (some of them, at any rate) went to jail. I didn't.

Peer pressure = 0 | Me = 1

[caulfield]

My peers smoked. I resisted. My peers bought (and drank) alcohol under age. I resisted. My peers broke rules, did drugs, committed crimes. I resisted. My peers (some of them, at any rate) went to jail. I didn't.

Peer pressure = 0 | Me = 1

Well said. It does involve to have a strong personality, though.

[Maciek]

Mark, loved how you put it! Thanks!

[Mark]

There's so much pressure to conform (and always has been) that young people would rather go along with whatever their peers do than be themselves. Yes, qwert, a strong personality helps - but it's not easy to cultivate. Going against the grain always involves some hard decisions. In short, you have to decide what you think is best. And if that conflicts with whatever your peers are goading you to do, then you just have to choose different peers. Easier said than done in many cases, I'm sure.

[BachQ]

I'm just thinking, maybe I should pretend to like stuff more when I go back to school, just to have more friends..... i don't know, should i? Should I try to join a certain group?

It's far better if you be yourself and have just a small handful of good friends, rather than force yourself into an artificial mold just to have gobs of phony, superficial friends.

It's too bad that you can't find a college where more of the student body share your interests in music (and deviancy  ) .......

[Mozart]

The trick is when people talk about stuff that bores you to death, warp the subject! Its just a cycle, no one really knows what anyone else is talking about. Ive never been anything besides myself, its hard but if you have a strong personality everyone will like you.

[Iago]

I'm just thinking, maybe I should pretend to like stuff more when I go back to school, just to have more friends.....

Think what you want of them. But don't isolate yourself. If you do they will march forward and you will remain the loner.
Companionship and friendship are worth more to the well being of a human being than assertive independence. Your knowledge of lanuages and your fondness for Xenakis will get you on the subway if you also happen to have the fare.

[Black Knight]

If you manage not to succumb to the pressure from the others, you'll become a greater person in the end. 

[head-case]

This stuff about "don't bow to peer pressure" can be taken too far.  I suspect this philosophy leads to becoming a feakizoid on one of these web discussion boards like GMG.  You have to stay true to yourself and your values, but you also have to be able to relate to people whose outlook isn't necessarily identical to your own.   A balance is necessary to be effective and happy in life.  As D minor said, a core group of good friends is more important than being the coolest dude on campus.

[Iago]

If you manage not to succumb to the pressure from the others, you'll become a greater person in the end. 

BUT A VERY LONELY AND UNHAPPY ONE.

[greg]

thanks everyone for your thoughts

man, i wish the comments thing wasn't messed up, it won't let me "insert quote" so it doesn't have "author name", bleh

My peers smoked. I resisted. My peers bought (and drank) alcohol under age. I resisted. My peers broke rules, did drugs, committed crimes. I resisted. My peers (some of them, at any rate) went to jail. I didn't.

Peer pressure = 0 | Me = 1

High five, Mark! 

This stuff about "don't bow to peer pressure" can be taken too far.  I suspect this philosophy leads to becoming a feakizoid on one of these web discussion boards like GMG.  You have to stay true to yourself and your values, but you also have to be able to relate to people whose outlook isn't necessarily identical to your own.   A balance is necessary to be effective and happy in life.  As D minor said, a core group of good friends is more important than being the coolest dude on campus.

yep, nice.....
a balance is definetely the best option. I've always been able to fit in more to groups which don't stereotype themselves so much, maybe I should've been (and should be in the future) spending more time with those people? I can be lazy and tired and bored so much at school, it's hard to feel like doing anything else besides sleeping. Maybe energy drinks might help? I hate how it's like, "yep, i'm with my friends" and then we all just sit there and have nothing to talk about and just yawn. Maybe finding stuff to talk about in advance might help? I'm just thinking this stuff as I'm typing, it helps my flow of thoughts. After all, if you want to be good or have fun with anything, it's best to plan in advance, so duh. 

The trick is when people talk about stuff that bores you to death, warp the subject! Its just a cycle, no one really knows what anyone else is talking about. Ive never been anything besides myself, its hard but if you have a strong personality everyone will like you.

yep, i should remember this when i get into school (and am actually around other people during the day, lol).....
except with one adjustment- sorta like what i just said above, find random junk that everyone might find interesting and talk about it. (i should remind myself to do this by writing notes so i don't forget  )

thanks!

[greg]

now that i remember, too, this one guy from last year should be someone i should have learned something from. Every single day in Research class, you'd literally expect him to come in and talk to you about something interesting- though i bet half of his stories were made up since they hardly sounded real  . That's what was cool about him, you could go in the class and have an interesting thought light up your imagination every day! If I did what he did (and be a little bit more observant about interesting stuff), then I wouldn't be as bored when I'm with other people.

like the thread about my dog licking a frog, for example..... stuff like that.

[Mozart]

I think what your asking in this forum is what do people talk about? Personally I have no idea. Small talk bores me to death, especially gossip. My last roommate loved soccer, so I let him talk about that. I ended up learning a little bit about it, mainly kick people in the knee if they piss you off.

[Kullervo]

now that i remember, too, this one guy from last year should be someone i should have learned something from. Every single day in Research class, you'd literally expect him to come in and talk to you about something interesting- though i bet half of his stories were made up since they hardly sounded real  . That's what was cool about him, you could go in the class and have an interesting thought light up your imagination every day! If I did what he did (and be a little bit more observant about interesting stuff), then I wouldn't be as bored when I'm with other people.

like the thread about my dog licking a frog, for example..... stuff like that.

It's hard to make small talk with people who don't share your interests. If you have nothing to say, then don't say anything. That's just how it is. Finding friends in high school is tough for most bookish people (well, it was for me) who tend to find themselves marginalized. I didn't make any lasting friendships until Senior year, and I still talk to them about every other day, nearly three years after graduation. Don't feel the need to go out of your way to impress people. If you just be yourself, you'll weed nearly all of the fairweather friends and homeroom acquaintances and make real, important friendships.