Dating or not dating.

[NikF]

I'm not. But if I'm hungry enough I'll always find something to eat. 

[greg]

I'm not. But if I'm hungry enough I'll always find something to eat. 

Ah, gotcha. I figured that was the only other answer. 

It was definitely like that with me and work, so that's why I went through so much shit (years of school). There's just not many jobs out there I can do that don't make me feel majorly depressed by the time I'm done for the day, so it was pretty much do or die. So I can kinda understand. And if your sanity is so far gone regardless, then you don't have your sanity to lose any more. You can spend all day outside trying to talk to girls and not have to have any alone time to recharge, because you feel so shitty that it doesn't matter, anyways. 

(would also explain me being proactive about this stuff back in December)

That would explain why I'm not even trying at all right now. I feel a slight hunger, but not enough to get me looking. Tbh for me, at least, the hungrier I am, the more it indicates that my life is unbalanced, and I'm not indulging in my hobbies enough after work. So then my mind will drift to negative thinking. So probably if I ever actually make an all-out effort to find someone, it's not indicative of a good thing. 

[NikF]

Ah, gotcha. I figured that was the only other answer. 

It was definitely like that with me and work, so that's why I went through so much shit (years of school). There's just not many jobs out there I can do that don't make me feel majorly depressed by the time I'm done for the day, so it was pretty much do or die. So I can kinda understand. And if your sanity is so far gone regardless, then you don't have your sanity to lose any more. You can spend all day outside trying to talk to girls and not have to have any alone time to recharge, because you feel so shitty that it doesn't matter, anyways. 

(would also explain me being proactive about this stuff back in December)

That would explain why I'm not even trying at all right now. I feel a slight hunger, but not enough to get me looking. Tbh for me, at least, the hungrier I am, the more it indicates that my life is unbalanced, and I'm not indulging in my hobbies enough after work. So then my mind will drift to negative thinking. So probably if I ever actually make an all-out effort to find someone, it's not indicative of a good thing. 

I just don't worry about stuff. 

Remember that no matter how bad something seems, how many losses you have in life, how many girls reject you, how awful your job is, how terrible your boss/client is behaving, how revolting the pizza you've been waiting for all night tastes when it finally arrives - none of that is actually going to kill you. It might make you feel at your lowest, but it's not going to kill you. And as with all things (good as well as bad) it will pass. Just keep moving forward, regardless - even if the forward movement is imperceptible to all but you. Or don't. It's your life and it's all up to you. 

[NikF]

I'll see what happens next week but I feel so disorientated by life in general right now 

Luckily I've only got one assignment this weekend but I've got my brief for the next, which is due in two weeks. I guess I should be focusing on that...and trying to accurately remember all the degrees of the harmonic series on every instrument in the orchestra 

As I said to greg, stuff like that isn't actually going to kill you. Just eat and keep yourself hydrated and have good sleep hygiene. Try your best with your assignments, that's all you can do. Bonus: remember that chances are that somewhere in the world right now a monkey is discovering the pleasure of a tyre swing for the first time.

[NikF]

Actual dating related content.


An often made mistake.

Around the time when my ex (Toots) and I first got together we were talking about dating and when two people like each other and what happens and how it happens. And she said this -

"You don't change when I'm near"

That's it right there. While it's natural to feel excited when you're with someone you're attracted to (and I think most women enjoy seeing a guy react to some degree) too often guys get involved in a misguided attempt to appear interesting or funny or desirable.
Imagine if you're a girl and you see people - maybe even friends - sitting together all  having fun, laughing and relaxed, but as soon as you approach some of them start to behave differently. And it happens every time. All you want is to be accepted for who you are, but you never will be on account of what you have between your legs.

So, when you talk to girls stay cool like this --->  

[Sergeant Rock]

I hope you're maybe considering documenting all this stuff as a rule.

My poetry documents my failed love life, quite accurately (confessional poetry). Of course very few people want to read my stuff...even those Pisces girls, who destroyed the life I thought I'd have, have taken no interest    ...

Here's an example, a poem about the night my then wife met Marlene the Pisces horn player (at a Bruckner 9 concert in Cleveland), five years after Marlene broke up with me. The details in the poem are accurate: Percy was my nickname for Marlene; Marlene really did notice my wife (as did much of the Severance crowd; she'd made a spectacular entrance in a revealing evening gown) without recognizing me. She actually did ask me if I'd seen the blonde in red velvet, having failed to notice me walking in with her (I tend to be invisible). Martin was my best friend when I was stationed at Fort Knox in 1973. My wife and I arranged a blind date for him with the daughter of my high school chemistry teacher, Mr. Murray. My high school girlfriend (the other Pisces) makes an appearance in the last two stanzas.


RED VELVET
       
Must I always touch in the moment, a remembered moment,
a remembered face?
                            —Conrad Aiken, At a Concert of Music

Was it the dress? that red velvet drama
amid so much formal black?
or the toss of mane, the flash of flesh
--by tailor riven cloth revealed
with every forward step--that turned
so many heads that night at Severance
towards you, whom the crowd discerned?

Even Marlene, that spirit of summers past,
stared with an almost sapphic interest
(my entrance she hadn't noticed).
The slit was provocative:
from floor to high mid-thighs
and centrally sliced for easy access,
ocular or otherwise.

When I saw Marlene in the main foyer,
I left you to check your cape alone
and approached her dazed: to meet like this,
coincidental! after five eventful, and eternal, years.
She only puzzled seconds, then. . .that smile!
but quickly squelched to a look that meant she
was annotating changes to her mental file.

Almost at once she said "did you see the blonde
in red velvet?" and we both watched, dazzled,
as you, red velvet blonde, approached with Martin
and Mister Murray's daughter. Quick introductions
and quicker so longs, and you said "so that's Percy"
you weren't impressed. Well, denim and dark corduroy couldn't
dazzle, but I saw through the rough cloth--and she saw me.
   
We took our seats high in the balcony
while far below, Marlene, scruffy in jeans,
sat front row center with a good view
of the players' argyll taste in hosiery,
a tasteless clash with Bruckner's last: black strife
in delta minor, unfinished, a swan singing of faith fraying
at the edge of life.

But first Zukerman played Mendelssohn
and his sugar sweet tones sang music redolent
of summer birds and fairy tales romantic, half-remembered.
Though we--married, lovers--sat side by side
shoulders touching, though your hand possessive
stroked my thigh, it was winter
and I left you for another woman. . . The compulsive

music moved me to a grove of green
in bright summer shades, transported me
to a time now only half-remembered
and to another romance, another lover,
and a love more lyrical than ours
--more Mendelssohnian.
As earth cradled warmth and us, Marlene picked dancing flowers;

near smiling mushrooms, in soft green moss, squirrels gossiped
while birds fluttered Disney-like near, serenading love lyrics.
But later, as we lay idyllic, side by side shoulders touching,
her hand possessive stroking my thigh, I left her for another. . .
for a child conceived in West Virginia prime,
a child-woman of chestnut and blue,
and a love, first love, as green as Appalachian springtime.

"Alas, can I never have peace in the shining instant?
. . .all I can grasp is an earlier, more haunted moment
and a happier place"
At a concert of music my reverie died away
as Mendelssohn died away
and guilty, I avoided your eyes. Though you were my life,
I left you that wintry eve, for two women, both conceived in May.

[Sergeant Rock]

For you music students having trouble finding girls to date, I suggest you enroll at the Stanisław Moniuszko School of Music in Bielsko Biała Poland. The ratio of men to women is in your favor 

https://www.youtube.com/v/guFtLJjRuz4


Sarge

[NikF]

My poetry documents my failed love life, quite accurately (confessional poetry). Of course very few people want to read my stuff...even those Pisces girls, who destroyed the life I thought I'd have, have taken no interest    ...

Here's an example, a poem about the night my then wife met Marlene the Pisces horn player (at a Bruckner 9 concert in Cleveland), five years after Marlene broke up with me. The details in the poem are accurate: Percy was my nickname for Marlene; Marlene really did notice my wife (as did much of the Severance crowd; she'd made a spectacular entrance in a revealing evening gown) without recognizing me. She actually did ask me if I'd seen the blonde in red velvet, having failed to notice me walking in with her (I tend to be invisible). Martin was my best friend when I was stationed at Fort Knox in 1973. My wife and I arranged a blind date for him with the daughter of my high school chemistry teacher, Mr. Murray. My high school girlfriend (the other Pisces) makes an appearance in the last two stanzas.


RED VELVET
       
Must I always touch in the moment, a remembered moment,
a remembered face?
                            —Conrad Aiken, At a Concert of Music

Was it the dress? that red velvet drama
amid so much formal black?
or the toss of mane, the flash of flesh
--by tailor riven cloth revealed
with every forward step--that turned
so many heads that night at Severance
towards you, whom the crowd discerned?

Even Marlene, that spirit of summers past,
stared with an almost sapphic interest
(my entrance she hadn't noticed).
The slit was provocative:
from floor to high mid-thighs
and centrally sliced for easy access,
ocular or otherwise.

When I saw Marlene in the main foyer,
I left you to check your cape alone
and approached her dazed: to meet like this,
coincidental! after five eventful, and eternal, years.
She only puzzled seconds, then. . .that smile!
but quickly squelched to a look that meant she
was annotating changes to her mental file.

Almost at once she said "did you see the blonde
in red velvet?" and we both watched, dazzled,
as you, red velvet blonde, approached with Martin
and Mister Murray's daughter. Quick introductions
and quicker so longs, and you said "so that's Percy"
you weren't impressed. Well, denim and dark corduroy couldn't
dazzle, but I saw through the rough cloth--and she saw me.
   
We took our seats high in the balcony
while far below, Marlene, scruffy in jeans,
sat front row center with a good view
of the players' argyll taste in hosiery,
a tasteless clash with Bruckner's last: black strife
in delta minor, unfinished, a swan singing of faith fraying
at the edge of life.

But first Zukerman played Mendelssohn
and his sugar sweet tones sang music redolent
of summer birds and fairy tales romantic, half-remembered.
Though we--married, lovers--sat side by side
shoulders touching, though your hand possessive
stroked my thigh, it was winter
and I left you for another woman. . . The compulsive

music moved me to a grove of green
in bright summer shades, transported me
to a time now only half-remembered
and to another romance, another lover,
and a love more lyrical than ours
--more Mendelssohnian.
As earth cradled warmth and us, Marlene picked dancing flowers;

near smiling mushrooms, in soft green moss, squirrels gossiped
while birds fluttered Disney-like near, serenading love lyrics.
But later, as we lay idyllic, side by side shoulders touching,
her hand possessive stroking my thigh, I left her for another. . .
for a child conceived in West Virginia prime,
a child-woman of chestnut and blue,
and a love, first love, as green as Appalachian springtime.

"Alas, can I never have peace in the shining instant?
. . .all I can grasp is an earlier, more haunted moment
and a happier place"
At a concert of music my reverie died away
as Mendelssohn died away
and guilty, I avoided your eyes. Though you were my life,
I left you that wintry eve, for two women, both conceived in May.

Yeah, you document it.
I think it's important to document stuff in words or a photo or whatever.

Certainly appears to have been a hell of an entrance. And it's vivid, even years later when an outsider is reading it.

"...players' argyll taste in hosiery"
Almost always it's the details.

I enjoyed your poem and insight into that part and time in your life. Thanks for posting it, Sarge.

[Sergeant Rock]

"...players' argyll taste in hosiery"
Almost always it's the details.

Before my wife and friends appeared, Marlene and I debated seating. She preferred the first row. As an orchestral musician herself, she liked to have that closeup sound, that in the midst of the orchestra perspective. The only downside of being that close, she said, was having a clear view of the violin players' argyll socks   I loved her sense of humor.

Sarge

[NikF]

Before my wife and friends appeared, Marlene and I debated seating. She preferred the first row. As an orchestral musician herself, she liked to have that closeup sound, that in the midst of the orchestra perspective. The only downside of being that close, she said, was having a clear view of the violin players' argyll socks   I loved her sense of humor.

Sarge

I think that so often it's the details that last. In a photo or words. At the time they can be amusing or interesting or something. Then later (often much later) you really see them.
But as I said, you're good at putting together a picture of a time and place. And when it's coupled with the self-honesty, it's strong.

[Sergeant Rock]

But as I said, you're good at putting together a picture of a time and place. And when it's coupled with the self-honesty, it's strong.

Thank you.

Just noticed your new avatar. The Russian?

Sarge

[NikF]

Thank you.

You're welcome. And I'm glad and appreciative of your posts in the thread. 

Just noticed your new avatar. The Russian?

Sarge

Yeah, I got tired of looking at myself. We've been sifting through files and folders. There are scans of bits and pieces along with dozens of five second video clips. But the holy grail is the Super 8 stuff. And the MF Tri-X of Toots with her hair up in a bubble bath, of course. 

[NikF]

I finally remembered to send a message to the pharmacist. An excerpt -

Hey *pharmacist*.

I don't believe we've spoken this century. So what's new with you? Are you still offering free diabetes and blood pressure tests? And do you still drive the same car?


I'll update if/when I receive a reply. 

[NikF]

It's not directly about relationships (though they have plenty on it), but it's good though material:


https://youtu.be/sswopsUW1mQ

That was interesting. Thanks for posting it.
The "no" is a sign to many people that they're not as special and valued as much as they believe they deserve to be. But the hell with thinking that crap - just rip that band-aid right off. 

BTW, I almost didn't watch that video because the last time jessop posted and recommended one it was about three days long. 

[NikF]

Well, there will be no reunion date for the pharmacist and I. I'd emailed her and in reply she sent her number. We spoke (I made a phone call    ) and she's seeing someone at the moment.
I'm still planning to post a photo of her as part of a 'women I have photographed and dated' kind of thing. There's a good (although not great) photo of her that's kind of cool.

[Mirror Image]

Well, there will be no reunion date for the pharmacist and I. I'd emailed her and in reply she sent her number. We spoke (I made a phone call    ) and she's seeing someone at the moment.
I'm still planning to post a photo of her as part of a 'women I have photographed and dated' kind of thing. There's a good (although not great) photo of her that's kind of cool.

That stinks, Nik. Oh well, there's plenty of other women out there.

In my corner of the world, I was hit on by a 21 year old yesterday and she was quite attractive, but she's just too young. She might as well have stripped right in front of me when she said things like "I'm tired of cooking at home, do you know any good places to eat?" or "I'm alone for the next couple of nights as my roommates are both out of town," and, finally, when she repeated her name to me several times and said "Don't forget my name is..." So, yeah, if only she was at least 28 or so I definitely would have gone to dinner with her that night or tonight. She also made it a point to tell me she'll definitely be back in the store again and will stop by to see me.

[NikF]

That stinks, Nik. Oh well, there's plenty of other women out there.

I was really just pushing my luck. 

In my corner of the world, I was hit on by a 21 year old yesterday and she was quite attractive, but she's just too young. She might as well have stripped right in front of me when she said things like "I'm tired of cooking at home, do you know any good places to eat?" or "I'm alone for the next couple of nights as my roommates are both out of town," and, finally, when she repeated her name to me several times and said "Don't forget my name is..." So, yeah, if only she was at least 28 or so I definitely would have gone to dinner with her that night or tonight. She also made it a point to tell me she'll definitely be back in the store again and will stop by to see me.

How cool.  If I were you, I'd definitely go for it. I mean, you can back out at any time. Just roll with it. Only my opinion. 
Having said that, if your mind is totally made up as far as her being too young and all that, I want you to know you have permission to give her my number. 

[Mirror Image]

I was really just pushing my luck. 

Btw, how are things going with your blue-haired lady?

How cool.  If I were you, I'd definitely go for it. I mean, you can back out at any time. Just roll with it. Only my opinion. 
Having said that, if your mind is totally made up as far as her being too young and all that, I want you to know you have permission to give her my number. 

Yeah, I mean I was quite flattered by her advances don't get me wrong, but I'm not sure how I feel yet about dating someone who is that much younger than I am. Also, I seldom give my number out. If she gives me her number, that's great, but she's definitely not going to be getting mine voluntarily. I probably won't be asking for her number either. I had a similar situation with another young one many months ago, but, again, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm that much older than her.

[NikF]

Btw, how are things going with your blue-haired lady?

<--- yeah you got it, that's exactly where it was at.

Re: Blulabelle - that's fine, thanks.    I haven't seen her since Friday, but she's expected tomorrow night and so I've pre-ordered the McNuggets.

Yeah, I mean I was quite flattered by her advances don't get me wrong, but I'm not sure how I feel yet about dating someone who is that much younger than I am. Also, I seldom give my number out. If she gives me her number, that's great, but she's definitely not going to be getting mine voluntarily. I probably won't be asking for her number either. I had a similar situation with another young one many months ago, but, again, I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm that much older than her.

I understand that you're unsure about dating someone who is so much younger than you. And with that in mind I'd just like to remind you that if you did date her you've nothing to lose. All you need to make sure is that you draw a line beforehand and never cross it. 
There's a chance it could be a good opportunity to get out and have fun in a change of scenery. There's a further chance that despite her being younger than you she might know some cool older girls. 

Yeah, it's sensible to guard your phone number. At the risk of seeming a bad influence or anything like that I would like to suggest you look at the possibility of maybe purchasing a basic and inexpensive pay as you go (or whatever it is called down your way) phone which is used only for exchanging numbers with women. My best friend and those close to me have my real phone number, but I've also a really cheap (about 8 USD) phone. I find it useful for when I want to keep my options open with women I'm not yet sure about seeing again. Please know I've tried to make that last sentence as respectable sounding as possible. 

[NikF]

Actually, there's another option with the 'dating phone' scenario.

If they're cheap enough it's good to buy two. Then when you give a girl your number you say "See this phone? It's not my real number I use on a daily basis. It's only used for signing up for stuff and calling cabs and all that. But this other phone here is my main one and it's the one I'm giving you the number of right now "

I'm not suggesting you do that, of course. I'm just pointing it out.