Dating or not dating.

[NikF]

No argument here, Nik.

Indeed --> 

And to lighten things up a little; as I said, I was convinced that I was going to get her number and so if possible I was in even more of a confident and self-assured state of mind than usual. So when I left the house I decided against walking my usual route into town, one that takes about 25-30 minutes or so. Instead, with the sun shining on my face I took a longer route, down to the river and along the bank - and I got carried away... Check out the distance I ended up walking -

[Mirror Image]

Indeed --> 

And to lighten things up a little; as I said, I was convinced that I was going to get her number and so if possible I was in even more of a confident and self-assured state of mind than usual. So when I left the house I decided against walking my usual route into town, one that takes about 25-30 minutes or so. Instead, with the sun shining on my face I took a longer route, down to the river and along the bank - and I got carried away... Check out the distance I ended up walking -

You certainly did get carried away.

[greg]

No. I never mentioned faking it. I'm saying go out and spend time with women. No expectations, no promises, no great loss.

As friends? I've done some of that, though it's extremely hard to do since rarely are they ever single. If they aren't, no way they are hanging with another guy.

An example: overestimating the risk of a woman getting attached or getting her hopes up.

Well... it does happen... even if it's only like a 10% chance, it's good to keep in mind if you plan on dating many women.

Again, it's not about 'faking' it. It's about doing something rather than sitting and doing nothing, but believing that's somehow going to equip oneself for successful dating and maybe eventually a happy and health long-term relationship.

Well, you gotta do the right thing rather than just "something." Being around the type of people you want to be around is really the best way to meet someone you are compatible with, rather than just looking anywhere (which is comes to mind when you say "doing something" rather than "doing nothing").

Also, I don't understand how asking a girl you aren't really interested in on a date not faking it? I mean, I don't really get it. "So why did you ask me on a date?" "Experience... to get to know women better" "..." instead of "I'm interested in you." Lol

I think "successful dating" is mostly about compatibility, rather than having anything to do with dating experience.

I know I'm guilty of doing nothing, often. Just now, for my monthly free dinner/party at my apartment, I just took some food and left. The two times I made an effort to stick around, I ended up having non-exciting conversation with people around me. It is so DAMN TEDIOUS just being there and trying to socialize.

I've always been like this- in middle school, I never made friends at church/youth settings in the gymnasium for that reason ('Youth' meetings). I was so depressed every Wednesday night that my parents made me go, and none of my friends would join. I just can't make friends in a chaotic, loud setting with tons of people, none of who I know. So eventually my parents stopped making me go because I was so miserable being there.

Small class settings where everyone shares the same interests are great- ended up being close friends with literally everyone in my class at one school I went to.




Your attitude of being proactive is good, though. Just seems like it's not good for everyone (not sure if you're implying that or not). Two of my friends met in that same class and have been together over 7 years. They didn't have to go out of their way to meet anyone- just attending class was good enough. They "did nothing" and succeeded.

[NikF]

No. You're the one who speaks about faking it : "Don't we do enough faking in our daily lives, at work and around others just to get through it all?" - no, not all of us do. Some people have issues - maybe social anxiety - in which case they should speak to someone about it because they can get help. And we're all liable to going through a bad day and having to just grin and bear it while dearly wanting get home and close the door on the world. But not everyone fakes it, no.

Throughout my posts I'm very careful to use words like 'often' and 'sometimes' or 'most' because I'm aware others have different experiences to my own. But that's the point I'm making, that because I've met and socialised with people and had an open mind about it I've then a frame of reference for these things and it's actually based on real-life.

You mentioned about how difficult it was for you to approach someone to play basketball. And was it you who posted about hearing two girls discussing anime and you wished you could take part? The more you push yourself the more comfortable and easier you'll find those situations to deal with. It might difficult at first, but the rewards are huge and fulfilling.

In any case, like everyone else in the thread who is dating, I hope you find who and what you're looking for.

[Mirror Image]

No. You're the one who speaks about faking it : "Don't we do enough faking in our daily lives, at work and around others just to get through it all?" - no, not all of us do. Some people have issues - maybe social anxiety - in which case they should speak to someone about it because they can get help. And we're all liable to going through a bad day and having to just grin and bear it while dearly wanting get home and close the door on the world. But not everyone fakes it, no.

Throughout my posts I'm very careful to use words like 'often' and 'sometimes' or 'most' because I'm aware others have different experiences to my own. But that's the point I'm making, that because I've met and socialised with people and had an open mind about it I've then a frame of reference for these things and it's actually based on real-life.

You mentioned about how difficult it was for you to approach someone to play basketball. And was it you who posted about hearing two girls discussing anime and you wished you could take part? The more you push yourself the more comfortable and easier you'll find those situations to deal with. It might difficult at first, but the rewards are huge and fulfilling.

In any case, like everyone else in the thread who is dating, I hope you find who and what you're looking for.

He'll have to move to Japan to find what he's looking for.

[NikF]

He'll have to move to Japan to find what he's looking for.

I dated a girl who moved to Japan. She was cute, petite, cool and funny - and had a big mop of hair like a cartoon drawing. Her gig while at Uni was working as a computer janitor.
On our first date I went to pick her up and her flatmate let me in and told me she's in the kitchen. So I went through and found her wearing goggles and holding a drill that appeared about half her size. She was using it to make holes in a number of desktop PC cases lined up on the table, aggressively and seemingly at random. Eventually she got a job in Japan and the last time we spoke (years ago) seemed happy.

[Mirror Image]

I dated a girl who moved to Japan. She was cute, petite, cool and funny - and had a big mop of hair like a cartoon drawing. Her gig while at Uni was working as a computer janitor.

On our first date I went to pick her up and her flatmate let me in and told me she's in the kitchen. So I went through and found her wearing goggles and holding a drill that appeared about half her size. She was using it to make holes in a number of desktop PC cases lined up on the table, aggressively and seemingly at random. Eventually she got a job in Japan and the last time we spoke (years ago) seemed happy.

Cool.

[NikF]

What happened to Thatfabulousalien? Did he move to Japan too? Or was he returned to his own planet? It's so quiet without him. 

e: and I see jessop lurking. What's the story there? Some girl was planning to visit or something? I've lost track of everyone's shenanigans...

[Mirror Image]

What happened to Thatfabulousalien? Did he move to Japan too? Or was he returned to his own planet? It's so quiet without him. 

e: and I see jessop lurking. What's the story there? Some girl was planning to visit or something? I've lost track of everyone's shenanigans...

Your guess would be as good as mine.

[ComposerOfAvantGarde]

I find this thread interesting to read but I have nothing really to contribute! Everyone here is so totally different to me that I don't know if my thoughts will really be of any interest anyway as I am not someone who is proactive in finding people to go on dates with. It isn't that I don't find people interesting, I just feel as if I wouldn't find a whole lot of time to have this as a regular part of my lifestyle and I don't feel any particular need to get to know people in this way at this stage. I am open for change, however, should my feelings about dating in general change as time goes on.

If you like, I might just update the situation as it is for me:

- Video chatting is great, considering Munich and Melbourne are so far apart it actually doesn't feel like the distance is any sort of 'problem.' I don't think we would actually find much time to go on regular dates even if we were in the same city actually, so I guess it doesn't matter so much how she and I go about things.
- She is an incredibly busy person and has never really considered dating anyone, let alone a relationship, because of that. But for some reason it is a lovely thing to feel happy and plan trips to either country every so often for however long this interaction lasts.
- Also, good old fashioned postal service is a wonderful thing! There is nothing quite like a surprise letter from her.
- When she visits for a few weeks, we are definitely going to see a performance of Lohengrin and some Melbourne Symphony Orchestra concerts as well as a production by the Melbourne Theatre Company (all stuff she is particularly interested in).

[NikF]

Thanks for the update.

That all sounds cool. And yes, real handwritten letters are indeed a rare and simple pleasure.
Keep enjoying it.

[NikF]

I had my date with the clothing store woman. It was all very pleasant, but I don't believe it will go any further. And it means I wont even benefit from her staff discount on future purchases.

[Mirror Image]

I had my date with the clothing store woman. It was all very pleasant, but I don't believe it will go any further. And it means I wont even benefit from her staff discount on future purchases.

Well, that's a shame. Oh well, continue pressing forward!

[greg]

The more you push yourself the more comfortable and easier you'll find those situations to deal with.

I have some doubts about this, since I only worked 8 years as a cashier and some days I felt like I was talking nonstop. I got plenty (way too much) practice talking to people I don't know, and I hated 99% of it (the 1% either were friends or somehow we discovered we had similar music tastes, etc.). But it never became easier for me. I got tired of hearing myself talk so much every day and just felt like escaping into my own world all the time.

Perhaps the difference is more situational- it just feels weird talking to strangers sometimes. And then sometimes it doesn't, and I have no problem with it. Idk...

But you could be right. It's probably more of a situational thing more than anything, which requires some practice. Perhaps, I'm just guessing, that the reason why I find it feels so awkward just thinking about talking to strangers in places like, for example, the mall, is that literally no one ever has tried to chat with me at the mall (excluding cashiers when I'm buying something- like today). And I go all the time. The only time I can remember, ever, is when I went with my friend and someone said to us something about some DBZ character that I wasn't familiar with yet at the time.

So perhaps it's just a learned response->no one ever tries to make conversation with me when I'm in certain places, so that makes it feel like I'm breaking social convention by actually talking to someone.

Just a guess, and you may correct.



But probably a complete waste of time to try to figure out "why" sometimes I don't want to talk to people or to analyze it. And "pushing" oneself can also result in being disastrous. Better just to let it happen- that's the bottom line.

And we're all liable to going through a bad day and having to just grin and bear it while dearly wanting get home and close the door on the world.

Dude, that's a good day for me...

a bad day is when I start to obsessively question the point of existence. Thankfully, that's MUCH less common for me nowadays. 

[greg]

Sometimes I wonder what my parents think... my brother turns 20 in 3 months and hasn't been on a date... and I turn 30 at the end of the year, same here... from what I hear, my brother finds girls he likes, but they are always already taken. Sounds like my parents dated a lot in high school and got married young, then remarried. It's like the complete opposite.

And then my grandma is always asking, "Well, when are ya gonna get married?" 

And then everyone I work with is married... which is not cool IMO because that's the biggest barrier to spending time/making friends with others, much more so than being from another country.

It would be nice if less people got married. When people are around their spouses, it seems like they usually just spend all their time with their family. I could even give specific, recent examples of how it's changed when people I know get married or their family returns. And one guy I work with seems like a cool guy that I could hang out with, but he's married. So even if I tried to be friends with him outside of work, I'd seriously doubt it would happen, for that reason alone.

Just random complaining. Carry on.

[eljr]

Dating or not dating.

Have someone  in mind for me?   

[NikF]

I've been on two new forums the past few weeks and I have barely been listening to any classical music. I've been on a metal forum and a type of "all" music forum, found some cool people that like everything from Slayer, to Beethoven, to the Flying Luttenbachers, to Xenakis and Stockhausen, to Enya, to you name it.

I've got a few things in the mix regarding the ladies but nothing I'm ready to discuss, It's a work in progress 

Lets see, Japan? I would like to go there (no, I don't like anime). My own home planet is a blody swamp, I would prefer just to blow up that piece of **** they call a planet, lol  I wouldn't go back there if you payed me, Space-Vegas is much better 

As long as you're happy.

I haven't had time recently to listen to much classical music either (I'm mostly listening to jazz) and I'm temporarily absent from the dating world on account of my priorities at the moment. But I'm still getting hit on once in a while - on Monday a nice woman in a summer dress was giving me a bit of the chat when I stole an hour to sit with a book in the park; apparently a combo of calmness, triceps and Turgenev can be profoundly attractive. 

[NikF]

Regarding the forum or dating?

In regard to the forum or dating or health or life in general.

I'm the kind of person that needs to switch things up now and then, to avoid a feeling of mediocrity or obligation, GMG is a great place with some great people but it's obviously only a select group of regular people. I do kind of feel the people here that actually share specific interests seems to have gone down in the past four months 
But also I get way too busy some days to use the internet, so in that respect I'm also trying to keep focused on my studies too.

The past few weeks for me have mainly been LOTS and LOTS of Folk music, Metal and also noise rock. I'm a classical composer (as most know here) but I'm finding inspiration in those genres at the moment.

It's good to find new sources of inspiration or simply to be moved in some way by a change of scenery.

Did you get the woman's number or anything? 

I didn't, no. She mentioned that she'd seen me reading in the park before (translation: I have noticed you for some time) and so I believe there's a chance I could pick her up in the future. If not? Fair enough. 

ooohhh, I'm so tempted to talk about this girl I've been flirting with....MUST....RESIST......   ;

Well, the thread is about dating, so feel free to talk about it if/when you want. 

[NikF]

Yeah, I will if something happens but there are a few girls in the works, one in particular that I've been flirting with who feels like potential girlfriend material if we actually talked less formally? you feelin' it? 

For now I'll not get ahead of myself and take a step back and not think about it too much.

Yeah, that's it.

Best of luck Nick 

I don't believe in luck, but thanks. Take it easy.   

[greg]

So guys, how do you go about making friends or trying to get dates with women?

Looks like I might have made a friend today without even trying.  Was looking at tennis raquets so I could play tennis with the guys at work, and this guy starts talking with me for a while and says he'd be interested in joining. So I'll invite him over next time they are playing.

Probably I should do the same and actually start talking to people... what I hear is that although people find their spouses many ways, perhaps the most common is through a network of friends. So it couldn't hurt. Not that I've had success with that- even times where I had far too many friends to spend time with, it never lead to a girlfriend. But having friends really couldn't hurt.

As for talking to women in public, probably just talking is the best thing to do. And not trying to go anywhere with it. If it goes somewhere, it goes somewhere. Problem is I haven't really gotten in that habit in my life since I'm always so wrapped up in my head that regularly starting conversation with strangers will be something I'll just have to gradually work on doing more often. 

...

Maybe it hasn't helped that I never really felt like I had to expend any extra energy making friends. I've gone through times where I didn't have many friends, but once time passes, they start coming to me gradually, one by one, like a magnet. And then I don't have time for everyone. 

So that type of experience with friends is not very helpful when looking for a girlfriend.