Dating or not dating.

[NikF]

Part one of two.

It's been a while since I posted a dating story from my young days. The difference with this one is that it doesn't appear remarkable or all that different from dozens of other one (or in this case, two) night stands. But it involves a bit of a mystery, which I'm not going to solve. No hints, no clues, and no acknowledgement of anyone guessing right or wrong. I'm not going to tell you who she was - I never kiss and tell. But if you're interested, read on.

I cant remember what age I was - 19? 20? At the oldest, 21? But my job was going well and my boss had started a new assistant which meant I could be more flexible in my working hours. Many of those hours were spent with a close group of friends. It was a particularly wild and warm time in my life. One of those friends worked part-time as a barman in a theatre bar. His shift usually ended in the late afternoon and on a Friday I'd go have a drink and hang out before he finished. Then to start the weekend we'd hit the town big style.

I arrived in the theatre and entered the bar through old polished doors. Immediately on my right and along the whole length of the wall there were padded benches with fairly narrow tables in front that had wooden chairs on the other side. At that time it was fairly busy and this was one of the few places I didn't like to stand or sit at the bar, but before I could find somewhere to sit I was distracted.

Just inside the bar and next to the door a group of people were sitting at a table. There were five (or six?) of them. Two on chairs with their back to the room and three on the bench against the wall, facing me. I took all that in and then it went like this -

- a very young woman sitting on the bench - the nearest of the three - was looking at me and I looked back and when we made eye contact it was overwhelming. Have you ever felt that? It's not simply lust, it's more some kind of massive, concentrated, powerful attraction. Everything in it was vivid and intense. Have we met before? Do we recognise each other? What's happened? In the meantime, we'll just stare and smile. Eventually the look was broken when my friend called me over and seated me at an unoccupied table. Apart from taking my order he didn't say a word, but did appear to be stifling a laugh.

I looked back over to the bench and she was already smiling back over to me. It was only then I took in what she looked like. Petite. Long dark curly hair. And although undeniably pretty it was almost an unusual, quirky kind of attractive.
There are times when you're with someone and can sit and comfortably gaze into each other's eyes, but not usually when you're strangers who have only been aware of each other for a few minutes. No need or hurry or desire to look away. Everything is cool exactly as it is and we don't need to change anything.

My friend returned with my drink. He was grinning and told me he'd be working an extra hour or so, but that meant he would have a smoking break during which he'd join me. That was fine and when he left I picked up my drink and hurriedly looked back over to her. She wasn't looking at me and was instead saying something to someone sitting opposite. But as soon as she finished speaking she looked back over and smiled at me.

I never worry about this stuff, all that 'was she looking?/is she interested?/does she like me?' nonsense. Frankly, I don't give a sh-t about it and neither should you. I'm always as confident and forward as it's possible to be. While it's never pleasant to be turned down and can perhaps sometimes feel a little embarrassing, it doesn't actually kill you, does it? No, it doesn't. And even if you're disappointed because you really liked her, it passes and there will be another one along soon. Wait and see. So why didn't I approach her? It was because even after years of philandering I hadn't experienced anything like this before. Many times I've felt hugely physically attracted, and I've felt a deep desire to be emotionally close and intimate. But to this day I've never known anything like that exchange that was going on between us. And so I didn't know how or when or what kind of move to make.

More looking over, more smiles. I don't care that she's not a model and is less than a classic beauty. It's not about that.
My friend is on his break and has come over and casually tells me that he's already been introduced to her and that she's an actress - predominantly a stage actress - who is up from London and asks if I'd like to be introduced to her too? Of course. So we walk over there.

Final part to follow.

[NikF]

Part two of two.


We're almost at her table and although there's an empty chair she's moving her jacket out the way to make room on the bench for me right beside her. I'm introduced to everyone, then there are a couple of polite questions about my job and then she's turned sideways (and in the process, turned her back to the others) to face me, tilted her head, carefully moves a drinking glass out the way so she can place her elbow on the table, and runs a hand through her curly hair until she's cupping her chin. Then more silent smiling. She's as hot as hell. Gimme.

We break every now and then in order to make a show of listening to the others and join the conversation, but everyone knows the score and seems cool with it. Over the next couple of hours one by one they discreetly make their excuses and leave. Finally we're alone. As usual in these situations there's no verbal acknowledgement of what you both know is going to happen, you just kind of cut to the chase and decide where it's going to be. We did that, I bought a bottle of wine and hailed a taxi.

We arrived in the west end and I paid the driver while she unlocked the door of the townhouse she'd rented. We stepped inside and closed the door on the Friday night and never set foot outside again until Sunday when it was over and she was heading back to London. In between the only time we spoke to anyone was when she telephoned her mother and when I paid the delivery guy from the takeaway the next day.
She left before me and told me to lock the door and put the key through the letterbox when I leave. And that was it.

I caught up with my friend the following week. He said that watching her and I watching each other had been hilarious for him and his colleagues to witness. Then he asked me what she was like. Then he told me about her acting jobs. At that time I had never heard of her. Years and years later I recognised her face and her name.

[Alek Hidell]

I have nothing of consequence to contribute to this topic (celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary yesterday, so no dating for me ), but after reading a few of NikF's stories, I gotta say, in spite of his modesty: dude, you must be a stud!

[Sergeant Rock]

I have nothing of consequence to contribute to this topic (celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary yesterday, so no dating for me ), but after reading a few of NikF's stories, I gotta say, in spite of his modesty: dude, you must be a stud!

I have a feeling Nik was a disciple of David Bailey   He learned his craft and art well 

Sarge

[Sergeant Rock]

We stepped inside and closed the door on the Friday night and never set foot outside again until Sunday when it was over...

A great story, with a "happy ending" 

My great staring story is more comic. It took place at a wedding party in Nancy France. The party began at four and lasted until six the next morning. Astonishing amounts of food and drink consumed by all. I was with my wife (the bride and groom and many of the guests were her friends from her student days in Strasbourg). Fairly early in the evening I caught one of the married women staring at me from across the table. She was quite lovely, dark hair, what one would call a MILF today. We became so obvious, the groom made a commnet, and then everyone chimed in, asking both of us what we were planning. They were French, of course, and expected extramarital affairs Nothing to be ashamed of, they told me, laughing. At that point it became embarrassing (but the woman never stopped glancing my way throughout the rest of the night). My wife took a picture of me staring. Unfortunately, she didn't get a picture of the woman.



Sarge

[NikF]

I have nothing of consequence to contribute to this topic (celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary yesterday, so no dating for me ), but after reading a few of NikF's stories, I gotta say, in spite of his modesty: dude, you must be a stud!

No, I'm not. I'm just an ordinary guy who had a job and social background that allowed me to meet women. And when that's coupled to healthy confidence, the law of averages takes care of the rest. 

Congrats on 27 years of marriage. And I'm sure that in itself means you have some insight(s) into relationships and stuff that would be valuable to contribute to the thread, should you wish to do so.

I have a feeling Nik was disciple of David Bailey   He learned his craft and art well 

Sarge

Even so, what do I have to show for it? A nice house, fast lenses in triplicate throughout the working range, and the ability to take a punch - although I'm no longer sure I can count on the latter. 

[NikF]

My great staring story is more comic. It took place at a wedding party in Nancy France. The party began at four and lasted until six the next morning. Astonishing amounts of food and drink consumed by all. I was with my wife (the bride and groom and many of the guests were her friends from her student days in Strasbourg). Fairly early in the evening I caught one of the married women staring at me from across the table. She was quite lovely, dark hair, what one would call a MILF today. We became so obvious, the groom made a commnet, and then everyone chimed in, asking both of us what we were planning. They were French, of course, and expected extramarital affairs Nothing to be ashamed of, they told me, laughing. At that point it became embarrassing (but the woman never stopped glancing my way throughout the rest of the night). My wife took a picture of me staring. Unfortunately, she didn't get a picture of the woman.



Sarge

That's cool and a hell of a photo.

[NikF]

Here's the main reason for any success I've had - not just with women, in other areas too.

When I was young an older woman took me under her wing and set me on the right road. She used to be  honest with me about stuff. I was about 17 and had already dated a number of models my own age. And it was easy and so I was probably starting to take it for granted. Anyway, one of them was a couple of years older than me and really beautiful - not just the fairly symmetrical face and neat, evenly spaced features kind of model way. Beautiful, truly beautiful - and we got on wonderfully. I'd never had so much in common with someone or felt so good with them. And we spent hours and hours together doing stuff and going places. So I asked her out. And she shot me down.

I was complaining about it and taking the huff and I asked the older woman "...why did this girl reject me? We're great together but she won't even give me a chance".

Older woman: well, I know she prefers tall guys.
Me: I know I'm not the tallest, but I'm not that short either - I'm 5' 8" and we're really good together.
Older woman: that's kind of short to some women. And it's important. Get used to it.

Of all the women I've known she was probably the biggest and most positive influence on me. Nowadays a lot of young guys would rather frequent an internet echo chamber than accept the truth about stuff. But I had the benefit of her brutal honesty. No excuses.

I'm going to add this: she was important for me in so many formative ways. When I was 16 she found out that I had never been in a restaurant. Right away she dragged me out of work and took me shopping for a shirt and a tie, a jacket and anything other than jeans. A couple of days later she told me to meet her in a local restaurant, an Italian place. I got there early and felt so uncomfortable. Then she arrived. I'd already assisted on a lot of shoots with great looking women who had a variety of hairstyles and makeup and wardrobe. But she walked in wearing a little dress with her shoulders bare and her hair up. The waiters were all over her, so attentive. And when she was seated and talking to me she had all these small, dainty, feminine gestures, like her fingertips briefly touching her neck or looking at me almost through her eyelashes. A real tour de force that kind of set the tone for the future. For years I thought most women were like that. 

[Sergeant Rock]

That's cool and a hell of a photo.

She loved (loves) photography, both behind the camera and in front of it. But I think she snapped that one to blackmail me later 

Sarge

[NikF]

She loved (loves) photography, both behind the camera and in front of it. But I think she snapped that one to blackmail me later 

Sarge

I know she certainly looks great in front of it.
Still, looks like she did a good job of capturing that jawline. That's a jaw befitting a sergeant. It suggests (amongst other things) 'the hell with this photography lark - I work for a living'.

[NikF]

Quite often when opening this thread there's a banner ad at the top the page which is for a dating site. And one of the phrases on it is "The woman will make the first move". Well, in real life the woman almost always makes the first move! You just need to learn how to recognise it. Gain enough experience and from the outset you can frequently gauge when she's inviting your attention or has no interest in you at all.

[ComposerOfAvantGarde]

Quite often when opening this thread there's a banner ad at the top the page which is for a dating site. And one of the phrases on it is "The woman will make the first move". Well, in real life the woman almost always makes the first move! You just need to learn how to recognise it. Gain enough experience and from the outset you can frequently gauge when she's inviting your attention or has no interest in you at all.

It is easy enough to recognise for me because it has always been straightforward and verbal............ 

[NikF]

It is easy enough to recognise for me because it has always been straightforward and verbal............ 

Good. That's the best way for it to be.

I'm referring more to the whining scenarios I hear about, like "I don't know if she likes me and if I should ask her out" and "I was sure she liked me so I asked her out but she rejected me". A lot of the time it's obvious when someone is interested or not, even before you speak with them. It's not a special skill or 'One Weird Trick!' It just takes the experience gained by being out and meeting people and interacting with them. But that takes effort and doesn't offer the instant and guaranteed reward delivered via posting on the echo chamber of Reddit about how unfair it all is.

[NikF]

Nik, I had the same Pizza girl again 

Cool. Was the pizza better this time? 

Despite the fact she was at work and probably in a hurry, did she give you a bit of chat or anything?

Or did you grab her, pull her close and give her a shake while looking into her eyes (lit by the 'Schuftan process', of course) and say "Listen up, doll, I'm crazy about you, you hear? And you're too good looking to be involved in a caper like this. I know it, you know it, and your dispatcher knows it. Let me take you away from it all, far from this minimum wage racket of analogue mozzarella and one size fits all uniform pantaloons. But there's a problem, because I don't want the pizza to get cold, see? So maybe come back, let's say, in 15 minutes? Yeah, 15 minutes is all I need IYKWIM..."?

[ComposerOfAvantGarde]

Good. That's the best way for it to be.

I'm referring more to the whining scenarios I hear about, like "I don't know if she likes me and if I should ask her out" and "I was sure she liked me so I asked her out but she rejected me". A lot of the time it's obvious when someone is interested or not, even before you speak with them. It's not a special skill or 'One Weird Trick!' It just takes the experience gained by being out and meeting people and interacting with them. But that takes effort and doesn't offer the instant and guaranteed reward delivered via posting on the echo chamber of Reddit about how unfair it all is.

Well, a simple ask has been my approach too. It's kinda weird to read of people whining about rejections when they were sure they were fancied by the other party in question.

I do have a story from last year I might share concerning this if anyone is interested.  It was an odd month and I'm so glad nothing came from it.....

[NikF]

Well, a simple ask has been my approach too. It's kinda weird to read of people whining about rejections when they were sure they were fancied by the other party in question.

Some people don't have the benefit of experience gained by going outside and talking with people and so the signs are useless to them. I think many of them are still governed by the types of thinking and social rules that were in place when they were in school, which was probably the last time they were forced to converse and associate with others.

I do have a story from last year I might share concerning this if anyone is interested.  It was an odd month and I'm so glad nothing came from it.....

I'd be interested to hear it. And I'm sure others would too.

[NikF]

"Look darling, I don't make much, you don't make much. I want you, you want me. I'm tired of getting pizzas alone and writing oboe concertos for myself, I need your inspiration. Come with me darling, into my arms. You, the pizza, the oboe, lets flee this dreadful debt together and start a new life full of wonder and mysterious circumstances. I may be here, I may not. We will keep moving country, we will run from the law. We will be 2018s answer to Bonnie and Clyde. Whatcha say and give this weirdo a chance?"


     

Yeah, that's it. 

"I looked out and low to the street and she was there waiting behind the wheel of her car, just like she promised, her kewpie features turned up to my window as she first flashed her headlights and then her eyes to signal me forward and down. I went to my mirror, looked at the timeline of my scarred and worn face as I straightened my tie and tilted my hat and tried to make myself go cross-eyed but failed. Damn.
Then I cautiously stepped out my room, quietly closing the door behind me and with a quick check for unwanted visitors/insurance salesman lurking in the shadows I took the stairs two at a time, but no more than that because I wanted to appear cool, relaxed, unhurried and in control, a man she could rely on. And so on reaching the ground floor landing I stood that way, framed that way in the doorway for a moment to (expose for the shadows and) present her a picture of repose she would never forget...but her dollface got only a dolly zoom as I stifled a scream and ran back up the stairs three at a time, because the night air had reminded me of a horrible truth, that I'd forgot to put any trousers on.
Maybe no one noticed? Maybe I'd get away with it? Maybe it was more acceptable in this part of town to wear boxer shorts which feature a caricature of a smiling Clara Schumann saying "Herein, my favourite trio to play with."

[Contemporaryclassical]

Ok forum, I'm not dating  (I'm already married)

But anyway, I took my wife to the cinema and had a romantic dining out last night. Don't know why I'm sharing but I guess my wife and I are quite busy people so we don't get to do a lot together 

The last time we went "out" was about two months ago to a concert with Beethoven, Webern ( ) and Bartok, we both enjoyed it immensely.

It made me very happy finally getting to spend some quality time out rather than just seeing her before going to sleep like usual 

[NikF]

Ok forum, I'm not dating  (I'm already married)

But anyway, I took my wife to the cinema and had a romantic dining out last night. Don't know why I'm sharing but I guess my wife and I are quite busy people so we don't get to do a lot together 

The last time we went "out" was about two months ago to a concert with Beethoven, Webern ( ) and Bartok, we both enjoyed it immensely.

It made me very happy finally getting to spend some quality time out rather than just seeing her before going to sleep like usual 

It's cool that you got to spend such time with your wife.  Good stuff.
And because it was a date of sorts it certainly fits in with this thread.

[Contemporaryclassical]

It's cool that you got to spend such time with your wife.  Good stuff.
And because it was a date of sorts it certainly fits in with this thread.

Tonight I'm on my own again, she has an overnight job (she works in healthcare)  but at least it brings in pay.

As I do, I've been chiseling at a rocking chair I've been redoing while I listen to this recent acquire:



I still have finishing to apply to the chair but it is looking ten times how it used to look.

Oh and more Brexit news