Dating or not dating.

[NikF]

Tonight I'm on my own again, she has an overnight job (she works in healthcare)  but at least it brings in pay.

As I do, I've been chiseling at a rocking chair I've been redoing while I listen to this recent acquire:



I still have finishing to apply to the chair but it is looking ten times how it used to look.

Oh and more Brexit news 

That sounds an interesting and fulfilling project. Let us see or know the end results?
I've replaced some of the floorboards in my house before I sell it. They're oak and a couple of the pieces are suitable to do something with. So if I have time I'm thinking of making a little box to contain all my shoe polishing equipment - I like keeping my boots and shoes looking great in any case, but (and to keep this on topic ) women comment favourably or check them out quite often.

[ComposerOfAvantGarde]

I'd be interested to hear it. And I'm sure others would too.

Okay then. I am quite happy to share, although my story will certainly not be as well written as the ones by NikF.

I ought to improve my writing skills some day though.

Last year I had a rather rough time with a breakup around February, after a summer filled with emotional roller-coaster rides, and as I was just about to embark on my first year as a tertiary music student. I felt a quite distant, unable to make meaningful connections with the people who were my closest friends and any new friends I made that year were not friendships that would last for very long. Each year, the state puts on a showcase of the highest scoring high school students in the various media, music, dance, art and drama subjects and at the very end a few of the acts that fell within the heading of 'performing arts' would get a repeat performance for some reason. Probably because the people in charge liked what they saw, and usually they wanted to showcase anything that was a bit 'unusual'.  I guess they would have counted composition as well, because they asked me to come and prepare my piece for that performance as well as a piece composed by a student from a smaller regional city. There had already been a concert featuring compositions by the top students of any music subject for which they could compose a piece of music, and our compositions had been performed a couple of months prior to this final showcase. I will refer to her as M.

M had been accepted into a different music school here in Melbourne, also studying composition, and she was both a remarkable composer and an excellent violinist, particularly when it came to Baroque violin music. She had also been studying Indonesian language and music for a number of years, and gamelan was something which was particularly influential in her compositional style. In the weeks leading up to the final performance of our compositions I didn't really show much interest in anything apart from organising a new lineup of musicians and rehearsing with them (only the original harpsichordist and guitarist were available, organising new cellists was a nightmare since one broke up with me and another couldn't make the concert). What has been interesting to look back on was my rather unemotional behaviour at this point in time; I absolutely have no clue why M approached me or why we began to talk to one another and exchange contact details, but ultimately we did, and I think in some ways this helped me to adjust to everything that was new to me that year simply by having someone to talk to a bit more regularly.

M said she wanted to go out with me. I was taken aback. What was rather lucky for me was that I had two tickets (i got for free, i seem to usually have some luck in getting free tickets to things) to a concert that was part of the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra's annual new music festival. M had a real interest in music by people like Xenakis, Bartók, Lachenmann, Rodrigo, Boulez, Carter......basically the 20th and 21st centuries and particularly the avant-garde, so it seemed rather fitting to go see a few concerts featuring world premieres. We did this a few times. Between these outings, which were probably dates, but I was still quite unsure of myself, we would still end up meeting for coffees and talking to one another. M always came across as someone who was very accommodating and understanding when it came to how I felt about going out and the kind of things we would discuss. She would tell me to just go with flow and just do what feels right to me, as she did what felt right to her. Perhaps what made me less and less comfortable was that she wanted some kind of relationship that I didn't feel ready for at this point in the year, having been through a difficult breakup less than four months previously. I thoroughly enjoyed discussing things like culture, composition, music and language with her, but when it came to adding humour into our conversations, when it came to making jokes, I didn't feel like myself any more. It was as if I was trying to be someone I wasn't. She was cynical and sarcastic and blunt, and I am not. I began hiding parts of my personality from her which I was sure at the time she had no interest in. After a short while, the idea of even meeting up felt like a burden I would try to avoid at all costs. Once I recognised this, I told her as soon as I could that I would prefer not to enter into a relationship because I was feeling uncomfortable, still trying to cope with a previous breakup, not feeling myself, finding it difficult to relate to others in any meaningful way at all and I would have been a complete and utter let down to her if I continued going along with what she wanted any more. She called be a 'cunt' and blocked me from being able to contact her. Contacting her again wasn't something I particularly wanted to do anyway, but I was felt rather refreshed again after a while and I took the whole experience as something to learn from, something not to repeat again. I am most grateful that there was nothing intimate that came between us.

During this time, particularly when I was recognising my discomfort towards the end, I actually did begin to feel closer to three women, two I had known since school and one who offered to play cello in my composition in the final concert. All three of them had interesting stories regarding dating and relationships, and all three were attracted to other women as well coincidentally. I was extremely glad that with these friends I could open up and talk about how I had been feeling, share stories and receive advice from their own experience. I am still very good friends particularly with the one who played cello in my composition.

Fast forward to today: I do indeed have a few things organised in the coming weeks that I will do with a wonderful and inspiring woman from Munich. I have an incredibly strong feeling that there is no one with whom I will have ever felt more comfortable. I am so happy.

[NikF]

I ought to improve my writing skills some day though.

Last year I had a rather rough time with a breakup around February, after a summer filled with emotional roller-coaster rides, and as I was just about to embark on my first year as a tertiary music student. I felt a quite distant, unable to make meaningful connections with the people who were my closest friends and any new friends I made that year were not friendships that would last for very long. Each year, the state puts on a showcase of the highest scoring high school students in the various media, music, dance, art and drama subjects and at the very end a few of the acts that fell within the heading of 'performing arts' would get a repeat performance for some reason. Probably because the people in charge liked what they saw, and usually they wanted to showcase anything that was a bit 'unusual'.  I guess they would have counted composition as well, because they asked me to come and prepare my piece for that performance as well as a piece composed by a student from a smaller regional city. There had already been a concert featuring compositions by the top students of any music subject for which they could compose a piece of music, and our compositions had been performed a couple of months prior to this final showcase. I will refer to her as M.

M had been accepted into a different music school here in Melbourne, also studying composition, and she was both a remarkable composer and an excellent violinist, particularly when it came to Baroque violin music. She had also been studying Indonesian language and music for a number of years, and gamelan was something which was particularly influential in her compositional style. In the weeks leading up to the final performance of our compositions I didn't really show much interest in anything apart from organising a new lineup of musicians and rehearsing with them (only the original harpsichordist and guitarist were available, organising new cellists was a nightmare since one broke up with me and another couldn't make the concert). What has been interesting to look back on was my rather unemotional behaviour at this point in time; I absolutely have no clue why M approached me or why we began to talk to one another and exchange contact details, but ultimately we did, and I think in some ways this helped me to adjust to everything that was new to me that year simply by having someone to talk to a bit more regularly.

M said she wanted to go out with me. I was taken aback. What was rather lucky for me was that I had two tickets (i got for free, i seem to usually have some luck in getting free tickets to things) to a concert that was part of the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra's annual new music festival. M had a real interest in music by people like Xenakis, Bartók, Lachenmann, Rodrigo, Boulez, Carter......basically the 20th and 21st centuries and particularly the avant-garde, so it seemed rather fitting to go see a few concerts featuring world premieres. We did this a few times. Between these outings, which were probably dates, but I was still quite unsure of myself, we would still end up meeting for coffees and talking to one another. M always came across as someone who was very accommodating and understanding when it came to how I felt about going out and the kind of things we would discuss. She would tell me to just go with flow and just do what feels right to me, as she did what felt right to her. Perhaps what made me less and less comfortable was that she wanted some kind of relationship that I didn't feel ready for at this point in the year, having been through a difficult breakup less than four months previously. I thoroughly enjoyed discussing things like culture, composition, music and language with her, but when it came to adding humour into our conversations, when it came to making jokes, I didn't feel like myself any more. It was as if I was trying to be someone I wasn't. She was cynical and sarcastic and blunt, and I am not. I began hiding parts of my personality from her which I was sure at the time she had no interest in. After a short while, the idea of even meeting up felt like a burden I would try to avoid at all costs. Once I recognised this, I told her as soon as I could that I would prefer not to enter into a relationship because I was feeling uncomfortable, still trying to cope with a previous breakup, not feeling myself, finding it difficult to relate to others in any meaningful way at all and I would have been a complete and utter let down to her if I continued going along with what she wanted any more. She called be a 'cunt' and blocked me from being able to contact her. Contacting her again wasn't something I particularly wanted to do anyway, but I was felt rather refreshed again after a while and I took the whole experience as something to learn from, something not to repeat again. I am most grateful that there was nothing intimate that came between us.

During this time, particularly when I was recognising my discomfort towards the end, I actually did begin to feel closer to three women, two I had known since school and one who offered to play cello in my composition in the final concert. All three of them had interesting stories regarding dating and relationships, and all three were attracted to other women as well coincidentally. I was extremely glad that with these friends I could open up and talk about how I had been feeling, share stories and receive advice from their own experience. I am still very good friends particularly with the one who played cello in my composition.

Fast forward to today: I do indeed have a few things organised in the coming weeks that I will do with a wonderful and inspiring woman from Munich. I have an incredibly strong feeling that there is no one with whom I will have ever felt more comfortable. I am so happy.

You write very well.

Thanks for taking the time to not just post, but also to be open about it. If you don't mind I'd like to pass comment on this part -

"What has been interesting to look back on was my rather unemotional behaviour at this point in time; I absolutely have no clue why M approached me or why we began to talk to one another and exchange contact details, but ultimately we did, and I think in some ways this helped me to adjust to everything that was new to me that year simply by having someone to talk to a bit more regularly."

- I almost smiled when reading this because over the years one of the few constants I've found is that although I've kind of always attracted women, the faintly disinterested/slightly aloof version of me has the most success. Sometimes I've either been genuinely distracted and at others just blissfully unaware. Of course, there are occasions when it's perhaps been more contrived.
In any case, in this instance it worked out in a positive manner by helping you make your way through such an uncharted year. And in the longer term, all such experiences are valuable, insightful and formative.

Generally it's cool to have something and someone to look forward to and I hope you've a great time with the woman from Munich. Take it easy, stay calm, regardless. And remember to keep breathing. Good stuff.

[NikF]

(singing) That girl you need gonna knock  you off your feet
That girl, that girl, that girl you need
That girl, that girl, that girl you need 

I'm very happy for you.

[snyprrr]

don't do it snyprrr, just don't Post in this Thread, just let it ride...





(Well, OK??)



sorry, I know, I'm being lame,...  (he may be too giddy to talk right now, poor fella, lol)

[ComposerOfAvantGarde]

You write very well.

Thanks for taking the time to not just post, but also to be open about it. If you don't mind I'd like to pass comment on this part -

"What has been interesting to look back on was my rather unemotional behaviour at this point in time; I absolutely have no clue why M approached me or why we began to talk to one another and exchange contact details, but ultimately we did, and I think in some ways this helped me to adjust to everything that was new to me that year simply by having someone to talk to a bit more regularly."

- I almost smiled when reading this because over the years one of the few constants I've found is that although I've kind of always attracted women, the faintly disinterested/slightly aloof version of me has the most success. Sometimes I've either been genuinely distracted and at others just blissfully unaware. Of course, there are occasions when it's perhaps been more contrived.
In any case, in this instance it worked out in a positive manner by helping you make your way through such an uncharted year. And in the longer term, all such experiences are valuable, insightful and formative.

Generally it's cool to have something and someone to look forward to and I hope you've a great time with the woman from Munich. Take it easy, stay calm, regardless. And remember to keep breathing. Good stuff.

And thank you so much for taking the time to read it. ^_^

I think the best thing of all is that we all have our own way of interacting with one another, just as we all have personalities which are unique. Personally, I like to take things slowly and connect with people on a very deep, intellectual and emotional level, otherwise I am just fine making my own way in the world. (Probably the reason I don't go on dates with people very often at all)

Thank you for your response! It does mean a lot, and the next few weeks I hope will be absolutely wonderful.

[ComposerOfAvantGarde]

The difference between the story I wrote earlier and what is happening in my life at the moment is that currently I feel comfortable like I've never felt it before. Everything seems so right and as it should be. The experience from last year was uncomfortable and unsure; it was the absolute opposite of how I feel in my current situation.

[NikF]

The difference between the story I wrote earlier and what is happening in my life at the moment is that currently I feel comfortable like I've never felt it before. Everything seems so right and as it should be. The experience from last year was uncomfortable and unsure; it was the absolute opposite of how I feel in my current situation.

That's great. With everything you've got going on it sounds like you're in a particularly good place in your life right now. Continue to enjoy it, all of it.

e: And as I said, remember to keep breathing.

[NikF]

On grey Friday night I had a date with a woman who wore a pair of cosmetic/fashion contact lenses which gave the impression of her eyes having permanent catchlights from a ring flash. Mildly disconcerting (although perhaps in part that's the intention) but when it comes down to it I'm a man, and so throughout the evening I still successfully managed to maintain eye contact for durations longer than 1/10000s at a time.
Apart from that she was smart, naturally provocative and unnaturally blonde, and she was slim and kind of leggy and dressed in that red with ease.
Later I accepted the invitation back to her place where on the sofa and without shame she slowly and confidently revealed herself to be an unadulterated f-cking snob. But in some ways, sometimes, when it suits, all of us can be a little bit of a bad egg.
I strongly believe I'll see her again.

[NikF]

Tonight I went to see Ravel's Daphnis...and there was a super pretty, attractive lady sitting beside me. I tried several times to engage in conversation but she seemed as nervous as I was.

Yeah, that's the way it goes sometimes, because if a woman is interested she'll make it easy for you to talk with her even if she's shy or something.
You'll gain more experience via getting out and about and meeting women in different scenarios, and so you'll learn to recognise if it's even worth your while trying. Don't get me wrong, I always make one (easy to rebuff) attempt, but if she's not interested I just forget about it.
Ravel? How cool. You should go to the ballet. Seriously, if you haven't seen this before invest 30 minutes or so of your life in checking it out; the Daphnis et Chloe of Ballets de Monte-Carlo with choreography by Maillot.

http://www.youtube.com/v/1s9vEQsTGyg

Plus, I had a pair of jeans on that hadn't fully dried yet, which probably made me smell like a homeless person.

I remember taking my seat at a concert and finding myself next to a woman approximately my age and attractive and who even seated had a fine posture which she (unconsciously) adjusted the way some women do when a man approaches. So I nodded "hello" and received a smile and sat and started reading my book. I knew she was checking my book/me out in her peripheral vision. Everything was cool. A few minutes before the start of the concert I closed the book, kind of rearranged myself and sat relaxed with my hands in front of me - and I could almost feel her shudder... She didn't even try to hide where she was looking. And so I followed the dotted line and it led to my left hand. Two of the nails looked like they had been gnawed on halfway down and under what was left of them there appeared to be some form of black matter.   
I've no idea. I've always carried a little emery board/nail file with me and so my nails are always well groomed.

Also, while I was waiting for the but I saw that redhead from the coffee shop I said about, but she was with a dude and it looked like they had been on a date or something......yeah......

That's life. But there are plenty more fish in the barrel.

[NikF]

Well for me, that means 2 down, 3 to go 

There are so many girls around, being Uni and all, that there really is nothing to loose! (except for your house and credit rate  )

That girl at the concert though, I didn't really notice her at first. I thought she was some lady in her 60s (having only seen her from my peripheral vision before I sat down). Then I was reading the program notes and my eyes started to drift left a little and then a little more and then I saw she was wearing stockings (which looked bloody hot on her). Then when some other people where walking though (meaning we had to hop up to let them through), we locked eyes for a split second and I almost fainted  She looked around 24 maybe, amazing curly black hair and wearing some nice clothes.

Several times I attempted to joke with her about the wait between pieces (there was Schumann's Carnival orch. by Ravel and Schumann's Piano concerto too). Well I didn't succeed but I tried 


Oh yeah, in my actual Uni classes there are three girls (all quite different in character). One of them seems to be really into modern music, which will help with conversation but I don't know if she's single or not...blah blah. She's tall, American (well in accent at least), you know that sexy vibe tall (not taller than me but..) girls can evoke? 
Another girl looks like one from a music class I had 3 years ago but I can't tell yet. She's got an amazing face. Then that girl that sits next to me in my music history class, we will see where that goes  ]

Yeah, I think I know what you mean by that tall girl vibe. It can really be something else.

Chances are that almost all those girls you've mentioned are already aware that you're interested in them. And if the feeling is mutual they'll make conversations and stuff easy. Contrary to Internet BS there's no 'female hive mind', but generally speaking if a woman is interested in a man it'll be obvious. Sure, there are always exceptions, but never count on them. Just take it easy.

I'll check out that Ravel video, thanks Nik 

You're welcome. And that ballet probably isn't what you might expect.

[NikF]

On the other thing:
Yeah, the tall girl with long sexy legs, OMG  (p.s. Don't get me too excited  )

Most of the women I've known have either been much taller than me or much smaller. It's all good. But I do like when a woman is comfortable with having legs for days. For days.

Anyway, all this picking up girls at concerts etc. I'll reiterate that the priority is the concert (or ballet or play or whatever) and anything else is a bonus. It's like this -



- 'x' marks the spot where I stand then lean, book in hand, seeing and being seen before making my way to the auditorium (and if jessop is reading this, just a reminder that I've long had my ticket for this concert  https://www.bbc.co.uk/events/e2pc8g ) and even if it's the usual case that I don't meet anyone, well, it's still part of a cool evening or afternoon.

[NikF]

She wants to hang out, which is awesome! 


edit: looks like we're gonna get a coffee tomorrow afternoon 

Good stuff. Remember if you're interested in being more than her buddy to behave as more than her buddy from the outset.

[NikF]

I've just realised the ticket I've got for the 'Matthias Pintscher Conducts Choi/Hosokawa/Takemitsu/Vivier concert mentioned above coincides with another concert I recently bought a ticket for -  Rachmaninov Vocalise/Kidane Zulu/Rachmaninov Piano Concerto No3/Shostakovich Symphony 12 - on the same evening And the thing is, last night my neighbour (amateur violinist) asked if I could get her a ticket for the Pintscher concert. Decisions...

e: my neighbour is warm and attractive and cool. We already dated but I stopped seeing her and we just keep it friendly now. But she seems really keen on the Pintscher concert and so I'll probably go to that. Bonus: make people who can't go to it jealous. 

[ComposerOfAvantGarde]

I've just realised the ticket I've got for the 'Matthias Pintscher Conducts Choi/Hosokawa/Takemitsu/Vivier concert mentioned above coincides with another concert I recently bought a ticket for -  Rachmaninov Vocalise/Kidane Zulu/Rachmaninov Piano Concerto No3/Shostakovich Symphony 12 - on the same evening And the thing is, last night my neighbour (amateur violinist) asked if I could get her a ticket for the Pintscher concert. Decisions...

e: my neighbour is warm and attractive and cool. We already dated but I stopped seeing her and we just keep it friendly now. But she seems really keen on the Pintscher concert and so I'll probably go to that. Bonus: make people who can't go to it jealous. 

Gosh darn i wish I could go to that!!!!!!!!!

[NikF]

Gosh darn i wish I could go to that!!!!!!!!!

I'm definitely going to the Pintscher concert; the programme being all new music to me and maybe even a little out my comfort zone is too much of an opportunity to miss.
And I might have a chance in the morning of the concert to spectate at the chorus rehearsal for an upcoming performance of Brahms: Ein Deutsches Requiem.
The bonus of sharing it with my charming neighbour makes for a cool day and evening.

[ComposerOfAvantGarde]

So it wasn't exactly a "date" (yet) but it certainly went more than well. She was so happy to see me and we get a coffee and talked nonstop for a whole two hours 

Well I can say for sure that I've had a fucking awesome day 



Got a test tomorrow though at Uni   

I'm so happy for you! I hope you are both equally interested in each other and I hope soon everything will just keep getting better and better.

(Good luck with the test)

[ComposerOfAvantGarde]

I've been having a wonderful time with my girlfriend here, showing her around and will be seeing some concerts, art, going for walks around the city and some parks etc. And I'll probably post a photo of us on Facebook and here.

[NikF]

Good stuff, guys. Good stuff. 

[NikF]

I had a casual date last night with the blonde I spoke of recently (the one who wore cosmetic contacts) and it was fun and stuff. It's easy and  I'm comfortable in that kind of scenario.