Topic: That Darn Cat Thread

[snyprrr]

kitty pee, kitty pee
you really suck
why'd you haaave to bring a cat in the house
mutherfuck

the first thing it did
when you went to work
was lay the most flippin radioactive ingot of horror, I still have it in my nostrils weeks later
and made me berserk

i didn't even notice
until weeks had passed
at the top of the chairs
at my door she had gassed
a venomous spray
that is now encrusted
in my favoured carpet
oh how you are busted!

a month has passed
and kitty knows better
but my life has changed
because of this critter
it's sloppy with litter
and needy as fuck
when he goes to work
with kitty i'm stuck

Urinella, Urina, you fuckin Purina
eating feline
if I open the door will your
feet make a beeline?

dogs smell like dogs
and cat pee is awful
what else to do
but get some falafel?

"oh kitty"

[zamyrabyrd]

http://catcentric.org/care-and-health/removing-cat-urine/

Some good results were had with a paste of baking soda left to dry and then vacuumed.
Male spray is far worse than kitty drippings though...

[Gurn Blanston]

I hate cats. Roomie shoulda gotten a dog, not that they are perfect by any means,  but at least they try to compensate for their bothersome ways, while cats just give you the middle claw. Nice pome, BTW, brought a tear to my eye.

[North Star]

Written in response to Christopher Smart, right? 


Jubilate Agno, Fragment B

 For I will consider my Cat Jeoffry.
For he is the servant of the Living God, duly and daily serving him.
For at the first glance of the glory of God in the East he worships in his way.
For is this done by wreathing his body seven times round with elegant quickness.
For then he leaps up to catch the musk, which is the blessing of God upon his prayer.
For he rolls upon prank to work it in.
For having done duty and received blessing he begins to consider himself.
For this he performs in ten degrees.
For first he looks upon his forepaws to see if they are clean.
For secondly he kicks up behind to clear away there.
For thirdly he works it upon stretch with the forepaws extended.
For fourthly he sharpens his paws by wood.
For fifthly he washes himself.
For sixthly he rolls upon wash.
For seventhly he fleas himself, that he may not be interrupted upon the beat.
For eighthly he rubs himself against a post.
For ninthly he looks up for his instructions.
For tenthly he goes in quest of food.
For having considered God and himself he will consider his neighbor.
For if he meets another cat he will kiss her in kindness.
For when he takes his prey he plays with it to give it a chance.
For one mouse in seven escapes by his dallying.
For when his day’s work is done his business more properly begins.
For he keeps the Lord’s watch in the night against the adversary.
For he counteracts the powers of darkness by his electrical skin and glaring eyes.
For he counteracts the Devil, who is death, by brisking about the life.
For in his morning orisons he loves the sun and the sun loves him.
For he is of the tribe of Tiger.
For the Cherub Cat is a term of the Angel Tiger.
For he has the subtlety and hissing of a serpent, which in goodness he suppresses.
For he will not do destruction if he is well-fed, neither will he spit without provocation.
For he purrs in thankfulness when God tells him he’s a good Cat.
For he is an instrument for the children to learn benevolence upon.
For every house is incomplete without him, and a blessing is lacking in the spirit.
For the Lord commanded Moses concerning the cats at the departure of the Children of Israel
            from Egypt.
For every family had one cat at least in the bag.
For the English Cats are the best in Europe.
For he is the cleanest in the use of his forepaws of any quadruped.
For the dexterity of his defense is an instance of the love of God to him exceedingly.
For he is the quickest to his mark of any creature.
For he is tenacious of his point.
For he is a mixture of gravity and waggery.
For he knows that God is his Saviour.
For there is nothing sweeter than his peace when at rest.
For there is nothing brisker than his life when in motion.
For he is of the Lord’s poor, and so indeed is he called by benevolence perpetually--Poor Jeoffry!
            poor Jeoffry! the rat has bit thy throat.
For I bless the name of the Lord Jesus that Jeoffry is better.
For the divine spirit comes about his body to sustain it in complete cat.
For his tongue is exceeding pure so that it has in purity what it wants in music.
For he is docile and can learn certain things.
For he can sit up with gravity, which is patience upon approbation.
For he can fetch and carry, which is patience in employment.
For he can jump over a stick, which is patience upon proof positive.
For he can spraggle upon waggle at the word of command.
For he can jump from an eminence into his master’s bosom.
For he can catch the cork and toss it again.
For he is hated by the hypocrite and miser.
For the former is afraid of detection.
For the latter refuses the charge.
For he camels his back to bear the first notion of business.
For he is good to think on, if a man would express himself neatly.
For he made a great figure in Egypt for his signal services.
For he killed the Icneumon rat, very pernicious by land.
For his ears are so acute that they sting again.
For from this proceeds the passing quickness of his attention.
For by stroking of him I have found out electricity.
For I perceived God’s light about him both wax and fire.
For the electrical fire is the spiritual substance which God sends from heaven to sustain the
            bodies both of man and beast.
For God has blessed him in the variety of his movements.
For, though he cannot fly, he is an excellent clamberer.
For his motions upon the face of the earth are more than any other quadruped.
For he can tread to all the measures upon the music.
For he can swim for life.
For he can creep.

[Gurn Blanston]

Written in response to Christopher Smart, right? 


Jubilate Agno, Fragment B

 For I will consider my Cat Jeoffry.
... etc..

For like I said, get a dog

[drogulus]

 
    The Cow Cat rules my neighborhood. It thinks it's a lion and "hides" in a tuft of tall grass.

   

    Cow Cat class light lion

     

[North Star]

For like I said, get a dog

That would be the sensible choice, if a pet or working animal was needed. 

[snyprrr]

http://catcentric.org/care-and-health/removing-cat-urine/

Some good results were had with a paste of baking soda left to dry and then vacuumed.
Male spray is far worse than kitty drippings though...

baking soda is my friend

I hate cats. Roomie shoulda gotten a dog, not that they are perfect by any means,  but at least they try to compensate for their bothersome ways, while cats just give you the middle claw. Nice pome, BTW, brought a tear to my eye.

got some nice kibble puke this morning AFTER he went to work... I will leave it and hope he sees it before he tracks it.


oh, and btw- that British Poem? NOT THIS CAT!! Kitty's litter box manner could stand some English Boarding School Rules, frankly.

    The Cow Cat rules my neighborhood. It thinks it's a lion and "hides" in a tuft of tall grass.

   

    Cow Cat class light lion

     

No, you see, THAT'S the neighbor's cat. He's cool, an outdoor cat; he hangs around outside the sun room all day hoping to catch a glimpse of Uri. He's a boss, lol, but she's just a big ole Pepe LePew scaredy cat. Scared and skittish cats piss me off.

So, roomie didn't like that neiborcat thought this was his territory, so roomie proceeds to litter the back yard with our kitty's wonderful little nut-covered-baby-ruths... I mean seriously so you can't walk on the flippin lawn anymore

ALL THE WAY UP TO THE SCREEN DOOR!!!!!

TWO DAYS LATER: I look, and the lawn is MOVING. I squint. The lawn has become a sheet of flies. AAAAHHHHHH.....

I wonder why the house smells like shit... oh, it's because the shit on the lawn is wafting through the kitchen window.


OH- DID I TELL YOU HE PUT THE LITTER BOX IN THE KITCHEN?



THE KITCHEN, RIGHT NEXT TO ALL THE TUPPERWARE WHICH WAS ON THE FLOOR.

"Oh, it's ok"


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Roomie seems to have "cat lady gene", losing all rational thinking over "noble animals".... people hater.....


Oh how I can't stand people who love animals at the expense of humanity. IT'S NOT ANIMALS YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH!!!!!






Thank you all, I need to get this rant out!!!






Anyhow... ok, I'm calm now...(breeeathe, breeeathe)... ok, ...check... going downstairs now...

[Gurn Blanston]

No, cat lady gene entails considering cat hair and excretive products as a sort of jolly condiment. Seriously dude, unless you simply aren't in a position to reconsider, I would recommend reconsidering.

And you know, there are 2 things going on there: 1, the cat knows you hate her, and so she hates you back. and 2, she has separation anxiety which is why she shits (or pukes or pisses) on you whenever he leaves the house. She doesn't hate him, just you. Can you get away with 'accidentally' letting her out?  Just a thought... 

[drogulus]

     

No, you see, THAT'S the neighbor's cat. He's cool, an outdoor cat

     You're right, the Cow Cat is a commerce raider, you find it with some kind of baby animal from time to time. I don't know how many little bunnies it's sent to the bottom. It likes to trap other cats under my car, they can't handle it.

     The Cow Cat is a genetic anomaly, it has zero fear of humans or so far as I can tell, anything. If someone calls out to it it squeaks out a little meow comes over and flops down on the sidewalk to be stroked.

[zamyrabyrd]

Lullaby for my cat, Ktee-Psee*

(sung to the tune of "Yellow Submarine")
Kitty Pussy, Pussy Kitty,
Kitty Pussy, Ktee-Psee
Kitty Pussy, Pussy Kitty,
Kitty Pussy, Ktee-Psee
We all live in a Kittee Pussie, Kittee Pussie, Kittee Pussie,
We all live in a Kittee Pussie, Kittee Pussie, Kittee Pussie.




*Ktee-Psee was found May, 2015, a month old kitten screaming in the parking area brought by the landlord knowing I would probably take her in. In less than a year (we thought she was too young to be spayed), she got in the family way and brought us 5 more mouths to feed over and above the feral cats that altogether are about 15.

[zamyrabyrd]

got some nice kibble puke this morning AFTER he went to work... I will leave it and hope he sees it before he tracks it.

Usually cats don't vomit up kibble. Maybe something is wrong with LePew?

So, roomie didn't like that neiborcat thought this was his territory, so roomie proceeds to litter the back yard with our kitty's wonderful little nut-covered-baby-ruths... I mean seriously so you can't walk on the flippin lawn anymore ALL THE WAY UP TO THE SCREEN DOOR!!!!!
TWO DAYS LATER: I look, and the lawn is MOVING. I squint. The lawn has become a sheet of flies. .
I wonder why the house smells like shit... oh, it's because the shit on the lawn is wafting through the kitchen window. OH- DID I TELL YOU HE PUT THE LITTER BOX IN THE KITCHEN?
THE KITCHEN, RIGHT NEXT TO ALL THE TUPPERWARE WHICH WAS ON THE FLOOR.
Oh how I can't stand people who love animals at the expense of humanity. IT'S NOT ANIMALS YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH!!!!!

I think you have to deal with it unless you want the Board of Health at your door and not just the flies. Tell your roomie to flush the cr*p at least down the toilet (not the together with the litter, he'll have to separate it.)

[drogulus]

     

Oh how I can't stand people who love animals at the expense of humanity. IT'S NOT ANIMALS YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH!!!!!

      Hating animals doesn't show you love people, and to be fair nothing else shows that, either.

[snyprrr]

uh... so... Urinella's a BOY!!

Yea, we weren't looking... until we did...

So, sorry Uri, for trying to hook you up with Butch next door... oy vey!!


So, ok, now we have a different understanding...

No, cat lady gene entails considering cat hair and excretive products as a sort of jolly condiment. Seriously dude, unless you simply aren't in a position to reconsider, I would recommend reconsidering.

And you know, there are 2 things going on there: 1, the cat knows you hate her, and so she hates you back. and 2, she has separation anxiety which is why she shits (or pukes or pisses) on you whenever he leaves the house. She doesn't hate him, just you. Can you get away with 'accidentally' letting her out?  Just a thought... 

now it's a "he", lol...

yea, no,... nothin I can do right now... uh boy, the air is thick and dank in the house, though...

     
     You're right, the Cow Cat is a commerce raider, you find it with some kind of baby animal from time to time. I don't know how many little bunnies it's sent to the bottom. It likes to trap other cats under my car, they can't handle it.

     The Cow Cat is a genetic anomaly, it has zero fear of humans or so far as I can tell, anything. If someone calls out to it it squeaks out a little meow comes over and flops down on the sidewalk to be stroked.

that's the neighbor's cat alright... I like it better than ours... the squrriels will come right up to it to get peanuts from me.
"
Excuse me, but your birdfeeder is empty."

[zamyrabyrd]

Some good results were had with a paste of baking soda left to dry and then vacuumed.
Male spray is far worse than kitty drippings though...

Above is just a reminder about spray which can really be terrible.  Alpha males don't stick around though. They might crash at your pad for a while but something urges them to move on. We had this time and again. Sometimes the male cats would visit every other month or so, just to check out the vittles...

[drogulus]

     The master of the Cow Cat is worried because it disappears for long stretches. He asked if we were feeding it. We are not, but I think it may have a second home, or using a flower grid chart to rendezvous with a supplier.

[snyprrr]

     The master of the Cow Cat is worried because it disappears for long stretches. He asked if we were feeding it. We are not, but I think it may have a second home, or using a flower grid chart to rendezvous with a supplier.

Cow Cat knows its master is a total wuss and is gettin some on da side! cuckhold kibbler



UPDATE:

roomie is catering to kitty at a level which makes our relationship strained. We're at about three days of no talking, lol!! yea, it's so bitchy, lol, wtf... this western notion of pets really is bs in a way...


also, I see more hairball puke piles that roomie hasn't attended to, now fused to floor...



yaaaaay!!!!!

[snyprrr]

I think I could put a cat to sleep... I dunno...

I guess if it were up to me I'd have somewhere for it to go,... but kitty is above the other paying member of the conglomerate  (moi)... it's warm out and the screen is open and oh joy flies and squirrels come in at will because... why?...

why can't you just let the cat out when you're there supervising, and then just close the flippin screen when YOU'RE done, because, hey, you know, your cat isn't thaaat bold, and won't go out even if you leave the screen flippin open all the flip flap day...

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

You'd rather life in filth and call it "not as bad as all the bacteria in a sponge"

WTF?? kind of logic??

Yea, ultimately I guess you just want me outta here...seems the money's no thing...


ALL I FLIPPIN WANT is to be separated from nature- that's what I pay rent for, to be closed off from flies and squirrels and poop and stuff... why do you WANT to live like that??

Oh yea, you're a "gnostic"- which means what? poop is no longer poop? "hey it's all an illusion"

yea, ok

the cat shit still stinks and it's really hand to overcome the illusion that wave upon wave of radioactive heavy earth wafting like a comforter of noxious noisomeness...

yea, it's just an illusion


oy vey



nests of black widows... where are they???.... I DON'T KNOW!!.....YAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!

 
 
 








CALM DOWN KIMOSABE

calm down kimosabe




ok





So, this cat is such a BarneyFife, such a Gilligan, such a scaredy-cat... always fleeing, always getting freaked out by every sound... flea-ish.... long haired flippin shedder... horror poops, bad litter manners (guess it's trying, but lol, wtf kitty?? I thought that's the one thing pussy's ARE good for, but no, not you, covering your stank is daddy's job )-

The neighbors alpha outdoors cat always hangs out, and our cat is such a puddin... run away run away... I kinda feel sorry for it because it acts so much like that high school outcast... who wants to go through their whole life as such a wuss??



and then the boss came and trolled me into an argument right before I was to leave work- and I dooo have a hard time keepin the curse words from just coming out of my mouth every other word- like the dad in 'Christmas Story', and he knows he can goad me into an argument if I'm not prepared to deal with his trolling ass...


Tues. 5pm


gaaah... I just have to get over this right now...


I see myself ripping kitty apart with bare hands...maybe I'll just take this up in the 'Cruelty to Animals' Thread... hold on...

[snyprrr]

now roommate took screendoor off sun room, leaves that wide open to kitchen and leaves kitchen wide open, so kitty can be a king. that's the new reality.

[Gurn Blanston]

now roommate took screendoor off sun room, leaves that wide open to kitchen and leaves kitchen wide open, so kitty can be a king. that's the new reality.

You are so screwed... living with a freaking lunatic (and its master). I would leave before I caught something. You might turn into a pussy yourself if you aren't careful...