memorable quotes by dumbasses page

[маразм1]

in my college history class, this girl was a complete dumbass.  her some memorable quotes are:


"wasnt newton the guy with the apple?"

in 16?? there was a detailed textbook published in France featuring a magnified pic of a flea
"excuse me was it like a picture or a drawing?"

"oh, i thought that alchemy was true, cuz, isn't it true that if you dig any metal into the ground, it becomes gold after a long time?"

during the french revolution, a lot of scientists were executed
"excuse me, didn't they realize 'oh sh*t, we might actually need these guys now!'"

overall, i felt like i was in special ed, bc everybody was pretty much retarded.  I did no work, wrote essays the night before, and got As, and everybody struggled barely making c+.

[Larry Rinkel]

in my college history class, this girl was a complete dumbass.  her some memorable quotes are:


"wasnt newton the guy with the apple?"

in 16?? there was a detailed textbook published in France featuring a magnified pic of a flea
"excuse me was it like a picture or a drawing?"

"oh, i thought that alchemy was true, cuz, isn't it true that if you dig any metal into the ground, it becomes gold after a long time?"

during the french revolution, a lot of scientists were executed
"excuse me, didn't they realize 'oh sh*t, we might actually need these guys now!'"

overall, i felt like i was in special ed, bc everybody was pretty much retarded.  I did no work, wrote essays the night before, and got As, and everybody struggled barely making c+.

This was Stony Brook, huh? 

Having taught English for many years, I accumulated a pretty long list that I may still have preserved somewhere. Things like, "It's a doggy dog world" and other misstated clichés. My all-time "memorable" one, however, was a freshman boy's comment on a passage by Adolf Hitler I asked the class to analyze:

"Adolf Hitler was neither a Jew, a Chinese, or a Puerto Rican. He was a human being, just like everybody else."

[dtwilbanks]

"Adolf Hitler was neither a Jew, a Chinese, or a Puerto Rican. He was a human being, just like everybody else."

[маразм1]

This was Stony Brook, huh? 

Yes, Stony Brook!

SB is very diverse haha.  there're some who're computer geniuses, and some who are complete retards.  The thing with stony brook--it's easy to get accepted, but difficult to get into a specific major.  Computer science was so competitive, that I had to stay overnight many times to complete my hwk.  It really kicked my ass to even get accepted into the major--the requirement was B+ on the first 3 courses (calc, first comp sci course, and another course of my choice).

It's easy to see people who can't do comp sci, doing history.  It's just wrong!   Because majors like history, sociology, etc had very very low expectations and requirements, resulting in a high percentage of idiots.  That's the thing about state schools, I guess.  Some majors are not only "better" but even more competitive than a lot of private schools, while everything else can be a waste of people's time.

I already complained a lot about the music program in Stony.  Undergrad music is just a joke.  There're few exceptional musicians, while most picked up their instruments either late in high school or right in college.  These performance majors are wasting their time, and money.  If there's so much great unacknowledged talent in this country, I don't think the world is waiting for them to get their diplomas   Although, I have seen some teachers who actually teach and are awful. 

There is one guy at Hofstra, who I just couldn't resist sending an email to while cc'ing the chairman.  I was hired to play in the orchestra for marriage of figaro...

-----------------------------
Dear Franklin,

I had the displeasure of playing "the Marriage of Figaro" with you.  Your playing was simply pathetic, out of tune, filled with wrong notes and bad scratchy sound.  I would highly recommend you to go over basic scales on viola, because even the simplest passages you played sounded absolutely amateur. 

Every time moderately difficult passage came up in the music, you had a coughing fit.  Unless you are a heavy smoker, there is no reason to cough so much during a performance, and if you are a smoker I highly recommend quitting as soon as possible because it hinders your musical performance. 

I am truly shocked that  a professor of music at one of the best universities on the East Coast can have such a lack of musical ability.  I have seen kids who have been playing viola for just several years who are able to perform much better than you.  I also feel that your inability as a musician sends a bad message to the students at Hofstra University, and gives Hofstra University Music Department a bad image. 

Sincerely,

D



D

[greg]

"Adolf Hitler was neither a Jew, a Chinese, or a Puerto Rican. He was a human being, just like everybody else."

i almost choked on my water (or at least felt like it) 

[Larry Rinkel]

i almost choked on my water (or at least felt like it) 

I did not make that up! I can even see the kid in my mind's eye, now - and would it surprise you that he was a blond WASP with a German name?

D,
I went to a performance of Mozart's Cosi fan Tutte at Hofstra some 15 years ago. I walked out after Act One because the conductor had not even bothered to tune. The string intonation was physically painful.

[Larry Rinkel]

Yes, Stony Brook!

SB is very diverse haha.

I finished my BA there after I decided to give up on music as a career (I had originally been accepted as a composition major at the Oberlin Conservatory, but after a year I realized it wasn't for me). I was an English major at SB at a time when the department was quite strong. The star name was the late Alfred Kazin, one of the best-known writers on American literature in the country, and a thoroughly nasty man. (Money quote: student to Alfred: "Why did you pick these books as your reading list"? Kazin: "Because I love them, you idiot!") Some of the other really good profs in English were Homer Goldberg, Tom Kranidas, and Tom Maresca. They were all in my favorite period, 17-18th century English lit. Maresca has now left and is a well-reputed Italian cookbook author. I still see Kranidas quite a bit at concerts in NY. I don't know how the department is now.

End of digression.

[greg]

(I had originally been accepted as a composition major at the Oberlin Conservatory

where's that?

[PaulR]

where's that?

Ohio

[Brian]

My 9th grade science teacher maintained (during class) a political blog dedicated to proving George Bush was just the best. One day his blog was graced with an anonymous comment from someone who was distressed to hear he had children whom he was teaching intolerance and bigotry. His response:

"In your opinion, which more hateful, to hate hate or to love hate? Equally, which is more intolerant, to be tolerant of intolerance or to be intolerant of intolerance? If you despise hate you admit that hate has purpose and is good. If you love hate, on the other hand, you possess the attribute of love but it is the love of something you deem as impure or evil, which in itself would be evil. Not wanting to love something evil, I suppose, you would promote the hatred of evil, hopefully to the next generation. By the way, do you have kids? Clear thoughts from Clear Choice News"

The anonymous commenter was one of his students (not me).

[MishaK]

The ultimate dumbass quote. There was this jock in my high school class who wasn't the brightest. This was an actual exchange:

Bully: Hey, N.

Jock: What?

Bully: You have an IQ of 10.

Jock: So?

Bully: Bread has 11.

Jock: Who is Bread?

[greg]

The ultimate dumbass quote. There was this jock in my high school class who wasn't the brightest. This was an actual exchange:

Bully: Hey, N.

Jock: What?

Bully: You have an IQ of 10.

Jock: So?

Bully: Bread has 11.

Jock: Who is Bread?

what'd be even funnier is if the jock was the bully

[маразм1]

my friend's gf.  not really well musically informed...

"Oh I like classical music.  I like Pachelbel Canon.  Mozart wrote it, right?"

[greg]

my friend's gf.  not really well musically informed...

"Oh I like classical music.  I like Pachelbel Canon.  Mozart wrote it, right?"

now that is REALLY funny 

[The Emperor]

"Adolf Hitler was neither a Jew, a Chinese, or a Puerto Rican. He was a human being, just like everybody else."

That was hilarious, and really clever too.

[Kullervo]

"Is Classical music, like, even music? I mean, there's like no words at all!" - Some guy in my World History class in 11th Grade.

[Novi]

The ultimate dumbass quote. There was this jock in my high school class who wasn't the brightest. This was an actual exchange:

Bully: Hey, N.

Jock: What?

Bully: You have an IQ of 10.

Jock: So?

Bully: Bread has 11.

Jock: Who is Bread?

LOL, that reminds me of an ancient history class.

Teacher: [talking about certain office holders (can't remember the details, it's too long ago ) in ancient Greece] They were chosen by lot.

Loveable Ditz: Who's Lot? 

But yours is better .

[DavidW]

what'd be even funnier is if the jock was the bully

But that would just make him mentally ill.

[Larry Rinkel]

That was hilarious, and really clever too.

But I'm sure he was completely serious . . .

[greg]

"Is Classical music, like, even music? I mean, there's like no words at all!" - Some guy in my World History class in 11th Grade.

that's what everyone thinks, i guess 
one time when i made a recording of me playing guitar for a blues guitar competition i let people in some of my classes listen, and 1 or 2 people said, "where's the singing?" but maybe they misunderstood and thought it was guitar and singing (like making your own song)

either way, it's hard to talk about music with people when 95% of the music you listen to is instrumental and the other 5% no one listens to. 

But that would just make him mentally ill.

exactly, that's why it'd be so funny