Teach the Controversy!!

[bwv 1080]

About External Delivery
Lacie Cuskin
What is External Delivery?

External delivery refers to a scientific research program as well as a community of older kids, teachers, and other adults who seek evidence of external sources of Christmas presents. The theory of external delivery holds that certain features of how Christmas presents are delivered each year are best explained by an external source, not an internal source such as your parents.

Through careful study and analysis, external delivery proponentsists are able to determine the distinct features of presents that don't come from our parents, such as those given by strangers, and then seek to find similar informational properties in Christmas presents. By applying this scientific method, older kids have identified many irrefutably external structures in Christmas presents.

Is External Delivery the same as Santa Clausism?

No. The theory of external delivery is only concerned with empirically testing whether Christmas presents are delivered by an external agent, or an internal agent such as your parents. Santa Clausism typically starts with the premise that Santa Claus is delivering presents, and then seeks to fit the evidence to that theory. The theory of external delivery has developed strictly from objective interpretations of the empirical evidence.

Do Any Older Kids Believe in ED?

Yes. While it is true that the prevailing opinion in the higher grades has traditionally been parentism, a growing number of older kids and adults are breaking away from that paradigm. More than 700 5th and 6th graders have signed our Problems with Parentism list, and more names are being added all the time. New evidence is constantly coming in that challenges the parentist model, forcing older kids to reevaluate their outdated beliefs and embrace the theory of external delivery.

www.edthefuture.com/

[Wendell_E]

Through careful study and analysis, Sexternal delivery proponentsists are able to determine the distinct features of presents that don't come from our parents

Oooh, that's how I wanna get mine.   

[drogulus]

     Are you gleefully pouncing on me? 

[Brian]

Haha, classic!!

[Daidalos]

Obviously, I've been a proponent of ED since the incipiency of the movement. The problems with the internal source theory are vastly abundant, something the most cursory of analyses will irrefutably confirm. The most glaring flaw in that archaic model is the problem of spontaneous increase of information content within the internal system; that is, "presents". The 2nd law of thermodynamics and the law of conservation of information clearly forbid that. If the internalists were right, presents would get crappier every year until you all get is some gift certificate or lousy sweater. Naturally, the theory doesn't predict that.

I must say, I used to explain that away, back in the day when I too was an orthodox believer in the mainstream cult of parentism, with obfuscation along the lines of "Local increases in present-density does not violate any physical laws." But now, now that I am skeptic, I see what was wrong with that. The theory is just bogus. ED, on the other hand, solves the problem nicely. An external agent that increases the information content, or "brings the presents", is a simple and elegant solution. ED explains why we get cool things like stereos, plasma tvs and new cars; that's really the tie-breaker right there.

[bwv 1080]

If the internalists were right, presents would get crappier every year until you all get is some gift certificate or lousy sweater. Naturally, the theory doesn't predict that.

The external deliverer must like you better, because that is my experience

I must say, I used to explain that away, back in the day when I too was an orthodox believer in the mainstream cult of parentism, with obfuscation along the lines of "Local increases in present-density does not violate any physical laws." But now, now that I am skeptic, I see what was wrong with that. The theory is just bogus. ED, on the other hand, solves the problem nicely. An external agent that increases the information content, or "brings the presents", is a simple and elegant solution. ED explains why we get cool things like stereos, plasma tvs and new cars; that's really the tie-breaker right there.

Also, While the empirical data suggests that the dollar value of presents has a high level of correlation with the economic capabilities of the parents, who's to say that an external deliverer did correlate this intentionally, so as to maximize the utility / cost function?