GMG --- Friends, Inc.

[Luke]

I don't know how, but I've missed this, and somehow I've gone on missing it for weeks. Luke, you gentle soul, I am so, so sorry. I knew from what you'd said that this might be lying ahead, but I had no idea that it was so imminent.

I'm just rambling because I want to offer some comfort, but I'm not wise enough to know how. I know that in your place I'd be inconsolable. Perhaps it's enough just to shed some tears alongside you, as I am right now, and share a tiny portion of your grief. It's just awful, inexplicable, unacceptable. I'm so sorry.

Thank you so much, I am again touched and humbled by a post here. What a kind, comforting post.

No, we didn't know it was coming for her so soon. She had an advanced metastatic cancer, so we knew it was terminal, and it had destroyed many of her bones, leaving her bedbound for a year and a half, but in herself, as they say, she was well. Then came her first emergency hospitalisation, when a pair of previously unseen tumours were found in her neck. She was in for about 10 days and had radiotheraoy which seemed to go well, so she was sent home. But somewhere on the way she caught pneumonia and flu which got hold of her aggresively and, even when back in hospital, her body could not take it. She died around 1.00 on Christmas Day, surrounded by family until the last few minutes, when it was just me and one of her sisters. She slipped away peacefully and I hope not too aware of what was happening. So, no, those last few days came suddenly and unexpectedly.

She was a beautiful, wise, creative, artistic, loving soul and I will miss her forever.

[Kalevala]

She was a beautiful, wise, creative, artistic, loving soul and I will miss her forever.

💔

She sounds like she was a lovely, smart, creative, and best of all kind person.

Hang in there.  And do talk/spend time with family and friends; you're all grieving and need to be there for one another.

K

[Luke]

💔

She sounds like she was a lovely, smart, creative, and best of all kind person.

Hang in there.  And do talk/spend time with family and friends; you're all grieving and need to be there for one another.

K

Thank you - and yes, there has been a lot of talk and fond remembrance over the last weeks, and of course particularly today. It's been an intense but necessary day. Time to sleep, I think, and let my mind start to absorb it all.

[Elgarian Redux]

Thank you so much, I am again touched and humbled by a post here. What a kind, comforting post.

No, we didn't know it was coming for her so soon. She had an advanced metastatic cancer, so we knew it was terminal, and it had destroyed many of her bones, leaving her bedbound for a year and a half, but in herself, as they say, she was well. Then came her first emergency hospitalisation, when a pair of previously unseen tumours were found in her neck. She was in for about 10 days and had radiotheraoy which seemed to go well, so she was sent home. But somewhere on the way she caught pneumonia and flu which got hold of her aggresively and, even when back in hospital, her body could not take it. She died around 1.00 on Christmas Day, surrounded by family until the last few minutes, when it was just me and one of her sisters. She slipped away peacefully and I hope not too aware of what was happening. So, no, those last few days came suddenly and unexpectedly.

She was a beautiful, wise, creative, artistic, loving soul and I will miss her forever.

I've been lying awake for much of the night, thinking about you, and Philippa. Eventually I got up, switched on the computer, and found your reply. It all brought tears again, but behind all the sadness came the thought of how fortunate you were to find such a soulmate. And that in turn makes the loss so much harder to bear, of course. So one goes round the loop, alternating between gratitude and grief, but still loving through it all.

It's obvious from this thread that a lot of people have you uppermost in their minds at present. Now (late, but at last), I've joined them. So here I am, dawn not far away, inadequately blinking away the tears, and wishing you a better tomorrow.

[steve ridgway]

This is very sad to hear. I just hope that with time you become able to focus more on the happy memories and can again enjoy the things and places you shared with Philippa in the good days.

[Mandryka]

Just seen this @Luke - I think it's the first time I've looked at this thread in fact. She was beautiful, you must miss her terribly. I wish you well of course - it's easy for me to say that sort of thing, but I bet it's real hard for you to get through this.

I've run out of words now!

[Harry]

Let it be a comfort to you Luke, that you and Philippa were always in my prayers, and still are. My congregation in Church all prayed for Philippa and you. If I imagine such a situation in my life I would not know how to cope with such a catastrophy, I am quite sure it would tear me apart. Thinking about this, I wish you all the strength you need, and be surrounded by friends and family. We all at GMG stand next to you. All comfort to you my friend!

[Florestan]

She was a beautiful, wise, creative, artistic, loving soul and I will miss her forever.

I don't know what else to say but this: may God rest her in peace until you meet again. I've been praying for her soul ever since Christmas.

[Spotted Horses]

Luke, Ever since I first learned of your wife's illness I have been haunted by it. It is never far from my mind. I cannot begin to describe the sadness I feel. I wish there was something tangible I could do to support you, but I can only wish you and your family strength in the face of this terrible event.

Arthur

[Luke]

You really are all such a wonderful group of people, in your fantastically thoughtful, supportive, sensitive and various ways. I can't express my gratitude enough.

And by the way, Philippa knew what you all meant to me, and she was deeply grateful for your existence, too.

Two GMG-friendly points to make around the events of yesterday and the next few days.

1) The wake was held at the Friends Meeting Hall in Saffron Walden (Essex). This is the building used as a mess hall in WWI when British troops were in training around the town, amongst them one R Vaughan Williams, who lived in a house just down the street.

2) Trust me, I have never wanted a tattoo in my life. It never appealed at all, especially because of the question 'what if I change my mind?' But in a few days I will be getting the design below scratched into my upper arm. It is of course from Bach's Double Violin Concerto, particularly the bars of the slow movement in which the two violins twist and turn round each other canonically 'like two cats' (as I once read), equal partners playing the same notes in support of each other. This music was playing when Philippa walked down the aisle... Now it will be part of me always. This is not something I will ever change my mind on, so I feel perfectly safe having it done! It's part of the process of rearranging my life so that Philippa is always with me, but so that I can carry on. 

[Szykneij]

Luke, everyone grieves in their own way and you will find what works for you. From personal experience, you never get over it, you just need to get through it. I myself never thought I'd get a tattoo, but I now have my son's last heartbeat forever on my arm. Do it for sure.

[Luke]

How unutterably beautiful. That brings a tear to the eye (they're pretty well lubricated at the moment in any case).

[Spotted Horses]

It is an indescribably beautiful piece of music that I have loved since I first listened to it in the Grumiaux/Krebbers recording. I will listen today and I will think of you whenever I listen to the piece again.

[Luke]

...Bach's Double Violin Concerto, particularly the bars of the slow movement in which the two violins twist and turn round each other canonically 'like two cats' (as I once read), equal partners playing the same notes in support of each other...

Was trying to find where I first read this, and couldn't, but did find this, from a book I read incessantly as a kid. It's from Frank Howes' chapter on Bach's concerti in Ralph Hill's The Concerto. How appropriate is his quotation from Sidney:

[Florestan]

I myself never thought I'd get a tattoo, but I now have my son's last heartbeat forever on my arm.

Losing one's son/daughter must be an excruciatingly painful experience. My sincerest condolences.

[Szykneij]

Losing one's son/daughter must be an excruciatingly painful experience. My sincerest condolences.

Thank you. It happened 10 years ago, but it's still hard to deal with. You just need to find a way to go on, which I'm sure Luke will be able to do. Time doesn't really heal, just gives you the chance to adjust.

[Roasted Swan]

You really are all such a wonderful group of people, in your fantastically thoughtful, supportive, sensitive and various ways. I can't express my gratitude enough.

And by the way, Philippa knew what you all meant to me, and she was deeply grateful for your existence, too.

Two GMG-friendly points to make around the events of yesterday and the next few days.

1) The wake was held at the Friends Meeting Hall in Saffron Walden (Essex). This is the building used as a mess hall in WWI when British troops were in training around the town, amongst them one R Vaughan Williams, who lived in a house just down the street.

2) Trust me, I have never wanted a tattoo in my life. It never appealed at all, especially because of the question 'what if I change my mind?' But in a few days I will be getting the design below scratched into my upper arm. It is of course from Bach's Double Violin Concerto, particularly the bars of the slow movement in which the two violins twist and turn round each other canonically 'like two cats' (as I once read), equal partners playing the same notes in support of each other. This music was playing when Philippa walked down the aisle... Now it will be part of me always. This is not something I will ever change my mind on, so I feel perfectly safe having it done! It's part of the process of rearranging my life so that Philippa is always with me, but so that I can carry on. 

My feelings towards tattoos would be/have been identical to you but again in this particular case how absoultely perfect and meaningful.

Curiously, just recently I had an 'encounter' with exactly this same miraculous piece of music.  I was attending a memorial for my wife's aunt who had died peacefully and serenely in her mid-nineties.  She was the last of her generation to pass and they were all genuinely extraordinary people.  This particular lady had been a NHS Ward Sister all her professional career - I imagine in the rather daunting mould of Hattie Jacques in the Carry-On films!!  Not one to sit idly around once she retired, she decided she would learn how to make instruments! (she and her husband - a surgeon - had been keen amateur music makers all their working lives).  She attended courses, read every possible text on the subject and over the next 20 or so years into her 80's made 24(!) violins,violas and cellos.  So at her memorial a group of her grandchildren, great grandchildren and a few hangers on (that'd be me...) played the slow movement of the Bach Double ALL on her instruments.  It was glorious and remarkable and something rather special to be part of.  Touchingly, the day she died another great grandchild was born..... the circle of life continues.....

[Karl Henning]

My sister and I lost our Mom a couple of New Year's Eves ago. We both feel a Mom-shaped hole in our lives, rougher for my sis, as she took care of Mom in the last few months. I'm alive to how much keener that absence must be, when it is the wife of one's bosom. I treasure every Sunday afternoon, remembering how Mom would always ask how my choir had done, that morning. 

[Luke]

My feelings towards tattoos would be/have been identical to you but again in this particular case how absoultely perfect and meaningful.

Curiously, just recently I had an 'encounter' with exactly this same miraculous piece of music.  I was attending a memorial for my wife's aunt who had died peacefully and serenely in her mid-nineties.  She was the last of her generation to pass and they were all genuinely extraordinary people.  This particular lady had been a NHS Ward Sister all her professional career - I imagine in the rather daunting mould of Hattie Jacques in the Carry-On films!!  Not one to sit idly around once she retired, she decided she would learn how to make instruments! (she and her husband - a surgeon - had been keen amateur music makers all their working lives).  She attended courses, read every possible text on the subject and over the next 20 or so years into her 80's made 24(!) violins,violas and cellos.  So at her memorial a group of her grandchildren, great grandchildren and a few hangers on (that'd be me...) played the slow movement of the Bach Double ALL on her instruments.  It was glorious and remarkable and something rather special to be part of.  Touchingly, the day she died another great grandchild was born..... the circle of life continues.....

Incredible story! How wonderful!

[Kalevala]

You really are all such a wonderful group of people, in your fantastically thoughtful, supportive, sensitive and various ways. I can't express my gratitude enough.

And by the way, Philippa knew what you all meant to me, and she was deeply grateful for your existence, too.

Two GMG-friendly points to make around the events of yesterday and the next few days.

1) The wake was held at the Friends Meeting Hall in Saffron Walden (Essex). This is the building used as a mess hall in WWI when British troops were in training around the town, amongst them one R Vaughan Williams, who lived in a house just down the street.

2) Trust me, I have never wanted a tattoo in my life. It never appealed at all, especially because of the question 'what if I change my mind?' But in a few days I will be getting the design below scratched into my upper arm. It is of course from Bach's Double Violin Concerto, particularly the bars of the slow movement in which the two violins twist and turn round each other canonically 'like two cats' (as I once read), equal partners playing the same notes in support of each other. This music was playing when Philippa walked down the aisle... Now it will be part of me always. This is not something I will ever change my mind on, so I feel perfectly safe having it done! It's part of the process of rearranging my life so that Philippa is always with me, but so that I can carry on. 

That's a very touching and thoughtful and loving tribute.

Thank you. It happened 10 years ago, but it's still hard to deal with. You just need to find a way to go on, which I'm sure Luke will be able to do. Time doesn't really heal, just gives you the chance to adjust.

I'm so very sorry to hear that Szykneij.  Not that it matters, but was he very old?  And was he your only child?  Sorry, if these questions are too personal...it's o.k. not to answer them.  In any event, warm thoughts your way.

K