Bobby Neumann's The Mozart Code !!!

[Cato]

An amateur musicologist smells a ritardando, as he rummages through moldy papers in a Viennese attic: a letter addressed to one "Woopie Mozart" with the demand:

"Wo ist mein Geld, Woopie?  Die "Jupiter" habe ich für dich schon komponiert.  Das Geld, bitte, sobald wie möglich!  - Harald Töpfer"

The amateur musicologist runs outside and snatches the first caffeinated Wiener staggering by: "Do you know English?  Can you translate this for me?"

In spite of researching a controversial theory about Mozart for 15 years, our hero still depends on ad hoc translators.  But he has been spending a lot of time building up his CD library.  The impromptu translator says: "Where is my money, Voopie?  I have composed the Jupiter for you.  Please, the money, as soon as possible!"  Harald Töpfer

AT LAST!  The proof that Bobby Villanova ( a thinly veiled alias for the author) has been searching for throughout 2 decades!

Mozart was a fraud!  He hired other composers to write works for him, and he got all the credit for their genius!  The conspiracy of silence around this fraud has been so successful for over 200 years that absolutely NO EVIDENCE exists for Bobby's theories, which have been called crackpot and even crackpipe for a reason...until today!  TODAY he has the proof...!

But who was Harald Töpfer?  Suddenly he looked at the return address!   Fortunately the Wiener knew Latin also:

"Domus Luminis - Vatikan-Stadt means House of Light - Vatican City."

Of course!!! Only the Vatican           would be able to perpetuate such a fraud throughout the centuries!!!  He would have to go to Rome for the next part of the mystery!

But then he asks his translator one more question:  "Harald Töpfer: do you know who he might have been?  A composer maybe?"

The Wiener laughs: "Not a composer, you Esel, but a conjurer: Harald Töpfer means














0:)   0:)   0:)   0:)    0:)    0:)    0:)    0:)    0:)    0:)    0:)






Harry Potter!!!"   BWAAH-HA-HA-HAAA!!!!


Chapter II anyone?   

[owlice]

Chapter II anyone?

Yes, please! Continue!

[knight66]

Oh, while reading it I thought we were in Dan Brown territory.
'Murder in the Oratory.'

Mike

[Cato]

Our intrepid intellectual hero Bobby Villanova rushed to the Südbahnhof in Vienna to catch a train bound for Rome, the center of mystery in The Mozart Code.

Instead, he caught a brain!  

"Holt ziss for me, pliss!" said a man with a goatee (but you knew that by the accent), and he plopped a large jar with a pickled brain into Bobby's hands.  "I neet tew adchust my garters!"

"Who wears garters these days?" asked Bobby full of suspicion.

"Your grantmutter for vun: all ze guys say so!"

"How do you know my grandmother?"

"She plays ze why-o-lin.  And smokes cornsilk."

"No, she works at an Idaho abattoir and smokes hams."

The man looked significantly at our hero, who then paled into insignificance as the man said: "Goot!  You haff passed ze test.  Pliss take ziss brain on ze train to its home in Rome."

"Why?  And how do you know where I'm going?"

"My Achtuple great grantfazzer tolt me so!" and he tapped the jar.  Bobby looked aghast at the man and his great-times-eight grandfather.  "He vants to go to ze Domus Luminis.  Don't you know who ziss iss?" and he raised the jar with reverence.  "Ziss iss ze vunderfool composer Johann Baptist Wahnhall!!!  Ze rill MOZART!!!"

Suddenly a skank with a skunk slunk by with a shillelagh and distracted our hero:

"Did I hear you say Idaho?" she purred.

"You might be, and there are better ways of making a living, you know," said Bobby morally.

The well-meant advice on reforming her life of vice was met with a bonk on the casaba.  As he tumbled to the ground he felt her hand in his pocket, which was to be expected eventually, and she grabbed the Mozart letter!  The goateed man hugged his ancestor and watched the skank with the skunk scamper to a scooter.

"This is terrible!" said Bobby holding his head.  The goateed man bent down to him and said:

"Because she hass shtolen ze letter?"

"No, now my brain is jarred!"  

[karlhenning]

Brain courtesy of Best Brains of Bel Air

[karlhenning]

When last we saw our hero, Bobby Villanova, a black curtain suddenly smothered the airholes of his sight.

He awoke in a windowless white room, flooded with light.  The only feature in the room was a black Pug speaker parked in a ceiling corner.

"Guten Morgen, Bobby."

Bobby did not yet have command of his voice. Silence ensued, lasting what seemed an agonizing eternity.  But what broke the silence was, if anything, worse.

It was . . . .

[The new erato]

Albino-ni, the infamous albino!

[Karl Henning]

Oh, while reading it I thought we were in Dan Brown territory.
'Murder in the Oratory.'

Mike

What role did the Jesuit Order, the elites of the Holy Roman Empire and those of the British Empire play in manufacturing the legendary career of W.A. Mozart ? The answer is - Massive.

This way to the horse flogging

[Karl Henning]

I love how this grand exercise in disinformation and propaganda has a "dot-info" suffix.

[Que]

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGH !!!!  

My apologies, Karl. This is the effect Robert Newman has on me......

[Karl Henning]

Not without reason.

Of course, he lives in the bubble, so he simply does not understand that expanding his conspiracy theory to "neither Haydn nor Beethoven wrote their music, either!!!" only makes his ridiculous posture additionally laughable, sacrificing any possible entertainment of the notion that he might be "so-called right" about Mozart.

[Ken B]

Not without reason.

Of course, he lives in the bubble, so he simply does not understand that expanding his conspiracy theory to "neither Haydn nor Beethoven wrote their music, either!!!" only makes his ridiculous posture additionally laughable, sacrificing any possible entertainment of the notion that he might be "so-called right" about Mozart.

I just want to warn people that Karl did not write that post. Karl wrote none of his posts.

[Karl Henning]

I just want to warn people that Karl did not write that post. Karl wrote none of his posts.

Well played!

[Cato]

So I come home today and find that Karl has resurrected this topic!!!   

How many newer members know that Robert Newman aka Bobby Villanova aka Robert Neuville aka Roberto "Gonzo" Hernandez Gonzalez y Santa Clara Castelnuevo Jones used to be a member here and tried to imitate a lucid, non-paranoid human being?

Should we ask for the archives to be opened up?       

[The new erato]

and tried to imitate a lucid, non-paranoid human being?

Which he only tried to maintain for extremely short periods. Though a very fun time was had by all.

[Cato]

Which he only tried to maintain for extremely short periods. Though a very fun time was had by all.

True!   0:)

[Karl Henning]

Which he only tried to maintain for extremely short periods.

But it was only an act, which he was unable to sustain . . . .

[The new erato]

Come to think of it, it probably was a lack of ability more than a lack of trying, Karl.

[Karl Henning]

Well, we all have our limitations

[Cato]

Well, we all have our limitations

"A man's got to know his limitations."  - Dirty Harry/Clint Eastwood.   0:)

I have known schizophrenics who were able to "act" normal for extended periods, but not for a majority of the time: eventually they would be triggered and the lack of sanity would be revealed.