Frustrations of an Aspiring Composer

[Joe_Campbell]

Hello, my friends. It's been a while. Some of you may remember my post, in which I declared with unbridled passion for music and my abandonment of engineering.
http://www.good-music-guide.com/community/index.php/topic,8641.0.html

I followed that up with this elaboration:
http://www.good-music-guide.com/community/index.php/topic,12132.msg299237.html#msg299237

I am still at Memorial University (MUN), and I've now declared my major as theory/composition. It's pretty great!

Now...the reason that I'm posting in composition is this: I am struggling to write - far more than I thought I would be. I can't realize and develop ideas, because whenever I sit down at the piano (this is typically how I might explore an idea I have), I don't like what I write (be it a motif, melody, etc). In other words, I write off the potential of whatever ideas I have before I've even attempted to do anything with them. It's as if, when I sit down at the piano, my mind goes blank.

I recognize that I am extremely self-critical (it must come with being a musician), but I want to have the tools to push beyond that. I know that writing music is like exploring any newly acquired language and that one only gets better through experience, but I can't even force myself to write badly!

I know there are several highly accomplished composers on this board, and I welcome anyone who has any insight into the creative process to weigh in.

[bhodges]

Without going into too much analysis, it sounds like you need to turn off the "critical function" while you're writing. It's easy to do: to self-criticize while you're creating - but try to separate them. Don't worry about "how good it is" until much, much later. And good luck! 

--Bruce

[Joe_Campbell]

I think touched the issue directly, Bruce. That's pretty much exactly what my problem is. Typically, I'll try and think about ideas, like what I can do with a melody to develop it, but I can't seem to go anywhere with them. I'll think about what you said though, and I'll try and keep it in mind when I'm sitting at the piano this evening.

My course load this semester heavily favours composition, so I feel like I'm going to have to confront my creative demons head on!

[bhodges]

It's a common dilemma with artists of any stripe: music, visual arts, theater, etc. My suggestion would be just to write, write, write, write, write - and then later go back and examine what you've done.

In one of my college drawing classes, we had an assignment to do 100 self-portraits in three months - in addition to the semester's regular coursework. One of the goals was to get us to just draw almost incessantly, so that we didn't have time to examine the work too closely while we were doing it. Now, the truth is: a self-portrait can take six hours, six minutes, or even six seconds (perhaps). After doing the 100 drawings, we all went back and looked at the portfolios, and only then began to discuss what had happened (i.e., what was worth keeping) during that period.

--Bruce

[madaboutmahler]

Hi Joe,

I often am very very critical of my own ideas as well, having the consequence that I don't actually write as much as I would like to, and what I do write, most of it gets trashed instantly. But I think it's perhaps good to be highly self-critical of ourselves though as it means that we are eventually more pleased and proud with what we complete, instead of being disappointed in most of our output....

I think it's mainly down to inspiration. Sometimes, the perfect idea just comes to me out of nowhere and instantly I go and compose and am happy with what I write! Inspiration will come to you, sometimes we just have to be patient! It normally comes to me through extreme emotional experiences and feelings, improvising, other music in particular that of Mahler!

I know exactly what you are talking about though... it's so frustrating when we cannot think of anything! It comes eventually, don't worry!

Daniel

[Joe_Campbell]

Thanks for the words of encouragement, Daniel. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in this. I feel like I definitely have the capacity for writing music that I'm happy with; it's just that I haven't realized it yet. I'm taking courses in electronic music, orchestration, counterpoint, and "composition," this semester, so I'll definitely have many opportunities to write. I'm just a little nervous that I've already hit a "writer's block" of sorts.

Bruce, that's a great anecdote! How do you feel you benefited from that self-portrait assignment?

[bhodges]

I'm just a little nervous that I've already hit a "writer's block" of sorts.

Two ideas: just push through the block - almost physically - by continuing to write, even if you think what you're doing isn't "what you ultimately want." And one perhaps more unorthodox: are you familiar with Brian Eno's Oblique Strategies? Basically he came up with about 100 suggestions to use when confronting a creative block. The original was a deck of cards; you shuffled the cards and drew one, then promised yourself to follow the instructions, however you saw fit. (There's no "right way" to follow the cards.) There are online versions, such as the one here:

http://stoney.sb.org/eno/oblique.html

Bruce, that's a great anecdote! How do you feel you benefited from that self-portrait assignment?

Thanks, it was actually quite a revelation. Part of any artist's job is to just work, work, work, work - as opposed to "waiting for inspiration." (At least, that's what I learned in my art - and music composition - studies.) So the density of the assignment forced me to do just that. There were so many drawings required that I couldn't even think about "what makes a good portrait" - I just drew. It basically forced me to turn off the critical function and just focus on working.

Later, when we examined the body of drawings, I thought about a third of them (maybe) were worth keeping - i.e., actually had something interesting going on - and the rest, I chucked. It was also a good exercise in not getting too "in love with your own marks on paper," or to put it another way, to realize that not everything you do will be worth saving.

--Bruce

[ibanezmonster]

Being critical is good- otherwise, we'd all end up like ahem...     Saul.
Quantity is fine, though quality is really the only thing that matters (unless you're writing film scores for sucky movies  ).

What you want to do is teach yourself an original compositional language that is simply your own- most likely through combining your favorite aspects of music somehow. If someone wanted to learn how to write like Joe, what would they have to learn?

I really haven't had enough time for this yet, but have went in some interesting and original directions- just a matter of time and putting it all together...


My mind also goes blank when sitting at the piano to write... but part of this may be that I'm not much of a pro at playing it, and have written everything up to now on guitar. 

[Luke]

Joe! How great to see you around again!

Just a quick and maybe obvious thought - if you are struggling to get your teeth into things, it might help at first to work on pieces where someone else's teeth have already gone all the way through   By which ridiculous phrase I simply mean - find a poem you feel you can work with, sit down with it and mull over its musical potential as a song, line by line. The poem (of course) already goes on right to its end, already develops its ideas; in setting it to music you have a template to work on and alongside. I remember times when I have sat down with a (photocopied) poem or a set of poems and worked calmly on them, outlining parallels between lines and images, potential climaxes, devloping ideas, points of 'word-painting', and the details came into more and more focus until within minutes it felt as if the songs were written, barring the simple matter of the notes  And the results have sometimes been among ny best pieces.

[Karl Henning]

Joe! How great to see you around again!

Ditto, Joe!

And Luke's idea is a corker.

[mahler10th]

Ditto, Joe!
And Luke's idea is a corker.

Hello again Joe.
I am sorry to intervene here as I am not a composer.  But I am a writer, so the struggle is similar, though I fear it is worse for musicians.  I just had to write something to applaud what Luke wrote above - a great idea, even for writers.  I will monitor this thread, because just like Daniel says, too much self editing is a real creative killer, and some of us (including me) must completely release ourselves from such restrictive habits.  I wonder if you begin editing before you even start?  I do it with writing.  I bet there are many gems you and all the composers here have thrown away, simply because they didn't meet expectations.  Same here.  I keep thinking that much of what I write is immature or off the mark of what a 'real' writer would have written.  Thing is, I AM a real writer, and everyone who composes in GMG ARE real composers - and we trash much if not most of what we have done because we deem it not worthy or too 'something' to be heard or read by anyone else...a friend of mine during the Summer read something I deemed unworthy and near slapped me in the face.  "What is wrong with you?" he said.  "Fucking idiot!  You should put this stuff out there and let people see what you've done - THEN you'll know if you're on the mark or not!"  I cited the structural deficiencies in what I'd given him.  "I'm not a writer so I don't know what you're talking about," he told me.  "I would buy this no problem.  How it comes out is the way YOU'VE put it, not the way anyone else would put it, and thats what makes it interesting."  Then, it took six months after the completion of the first draft of a Hans Rott screenplay to show it to ANYONE (Cato). 
I am 46 years old.  You would think someone passing midlife would have some belief and courage in what he's written and would not be afraid to put it out there.  But that killer the self-editor kicks in before the project is even begun, and confidence crumbles.  Bruckner worked his way through that all the time, albeit with a lot of third party input.  Our challenge is to forget the expectations we think others may have, and our own, and batter on ahead regardless, which is MUCH easier said than done.  I so connect with the difficulties of composers, who it is safe to say have more 'rules' of composition to follow than a writer, so I hope, Joe, that this thread can go on at whatever pace and ALL of us can learn something about forgetting our own bullshit and get on with the 'thing' that is in us, that we for mystical reasons MUST do as artists regardless of what 'piece' we're working on.
Well done for beginning this thread, I will continue to watch it.   

[Joe_Campbell]

Bruce - I really like the idea of pushing through, regardless of how good I think anything I write is. I guess recently, I've been listening to so much great music and been preoccupied with trying to recreate that feeling I get when listening to it. Perhaps my standards are a bit high for someone in my position? haha...I think I'll try and keep myself accountable to write SOME music everyday, regardless of whether or not I think it will go anywhere

Greg - I think I agree with you in principal, that principal being that I should strive to develop a compositional language that reflects my artistic sensibilities. However, I don't think it's as simple as simply stating "this is how my music will work." I can certainly define rules for my composition early on, but I think it will be important to try and emulate as many styles as possible. Only then do I believe that my individuality will emerge, as a sort reflection of what I love best in everything else that I've assimilated.

Luke - That's a really good idea! Thanks, though now I have to get myself familiar with more poetry. One poem that I've always loved is this one, by Harvey Shapiro:

The Heart

In the midst of words your wordless image
Marches through the precincts of my night
And all the structures of my language lie undone:
The bright cathedrals clatter, and the moon -
Topped spires break their stalks.
Sprawled before that raid, I watch the towns
Go under. And in the waiting dark, I loose
Like marbles spinning from a child
The crazed and hooded creatures of the heart.

In fact, I believe I first heard about it on a GMG "favourite poems" thread.

John - It's interesting eh? The tendency to preemptively self-edit must be universal in creative disciplines. There's also the fact that, the more time we spend with our own ideas, the less objective we become (if we ever even were). I really like what you said with respect to allowing others to help you assess if you're on the right track, or at least to offer some real objectivity.

Thanks for all the salutations!

[Karl Henning]

Bruce - I really like the idea of pushing through, regardless of how good I think anything I write is. I guess recently, I've been listening to so much great music and been preoccupied with trying to recreate that feeling I get when listening to it. Perhaps my standards are a bit high for someone in my position? haha...I think I'll try and keep myself accountable to write SOME music everyday, regardless of whether or not I think it will go anywhere

Greg - I think I agree with you in principal, that principal being that I should strive to develop a compositional language that reflects my artistic sensibilities. However, I don't think it's as simple as simply stating "this is how my music will work." I can certainly define rules for my composition early on, but I think it will be important to try and emulate as many styles as possible. Only then do I believe that my individuality will emerge, as a sort reflection of what I love best in everything else that I've assimilated.

All to the good, Joe.  Part of the value of the sort of exercise Bruce mentions, is developing a habit of practice, of earning the tools in the toolbox, so that when inspiration comes, you're equipped to act on it. There is great value in spending a period of time composing, with the freedom to think this needn't be etched in stone, and in fact, I can throw it completely out if, on reflection, I feel that that is best.

[Cato]

Allow me to echo the poetry idea and to add a few other ideas: try taking another composer's theme/motif/"series" (which you like, of course) and run with it by composing counter-themes and variations.

Or simply take its rhythmical pattern and create a new theme by doubling or halving or tripling the values: that could be a way to give you confidence in your abilities to express something.

Also:     Just step away from the piano!      You could be limiting your imagination by your physical abilities.  Back in the good old days, because my parents could not afford a piano (nor did we have the space for one), my rudimentary piano lessons depended on a cardboard keyboard!  This (I am quite sure) developed my mental talents greatly.  Eventually I branched out to microtonal music, which I composed without any instruments.  (Karl Henning has heard one of these quarter-tone pieces recently before Christmas.) 

So try composing mentally and see what happens.  0:)

Keep in mind that initial inspiration - or whatever you want to call it - rarely remained intact withBeethoven, not to mention other composers.  Even Mozart did not always write a first draft as the last draft.

One obvious caveat on the poetry idea: make sure that the poem is rhythmically competent, and does not just contain an appealing sentiment.

As John of Clydebank has attested, a spinner of tales may need to spin his webs several times: I once reached Chapter 13 in a novel planned with 18 chapters, before I realized that I needed to rewrite the opening 12 chapters.