Any ideas for this measure?

[greg]

I'll add slurs and dynamics later...

and, the line with the solo flute will have to be expanded a little to sound really good, i know.

I know the rhythm sounds completely fine, but I've been working off and on with these 3  notes for probably over a month. (Just another example of the blocks i get whenever i try to write anything new at all- ever since, i, coincidentally, starting working at Lowes... this has to be the 6th or 7th attempt that has had the same fate).

Can anyone just tell me which 3 notes would sound good, because nothing seems to sound right- close, but not right.

(I actually had an experience just like that at bar 9, but it only took a few days of messing around and now it sounds great. )

[greg]

so... in the same octave, i tried D D D# for those 3 notes circled in red (just changing one note- the C to a D, bascially). Now, I'm thinking this would sound "right" provided I have a crescendo in that bar.
Or am I just too used to listening to this and totally lost touch with it?  

[(poco) Sforzando]

Are instruments at concert pitch or transposed?

[greg]

oh... sorry for not making that clear. 
It's a C score. 

[(poco) Sforzando]

oh... sorry for not making that clear. 
It's a C score. 

Looked that way. I'll think about it tomorrow.

[(poco) Sforzando]

Looked that way. I'll think about it tomorrow.

Sorry - hopefully tomorrow again.

[greg]

Sorry - hopefully tomorrow again.

That's okay, man. Anytime you can. Interested to see how someone else would continue this. 

[david johnson]

'Can anyone just tell me which 3 notes would sound good, because nothing seems to sound right- close, but not right.

(I actually had an experience just like that at bar 9, but it only took a few days of messing around and now it sounds great. )'

should not take that long...leave it out.
maybe find the same three notes in mozart and do what he did after them.  finish the piece.
dj

[greg]

Well, half of the difficulty is the fact that this is only a duo, and I hear stuff that would only sound right if a 3rd voice were involved.
The last day or two I've been relistening to that bar and have come up with this:
(the hard one being of course the bar right before the bar with the 30 bpm tempo change)

(the last bar i'm still tweaking at the moment)


What would sound best (and I've tested this) is an Eb as the last note of the difficult bar a major third below that G, sounding along with the G as the last note, and then sound the Eb again at the beginning of the next bar. But with only two voices, you can't do what the clarinet is doing, which is essential to make it sound the best.

but... it sounds good enough for me... as a duo, that is. 

[rappy]

How about:

d2 f#2 a2
d2 bb2 a2
d2 e2 g#2

[greg]

How about:

d2 f#2 a2
d2 bb2 a2
d2 e2 g#2

I guess those could work if I did something very different with the following bars. (although i still like my d eb g the best lol)

Thanks!  
now go and complete the rest of the piece for me, please. 

(just kidding... though i would be curious about how something like that would sound  )

[rappy]

Okay, but I would prefer a d1 in the clarinet part in measure 11, the c sharp in measure 12 will sound better then.