What is the cause of the high divorce rate?

[abidoful]

You had a relationship that ended badly, you adopted a philosophy which said your prior relationship was evil and has (according to your account as I read it) resulted in having no relationships.  It is not clear to me that your new philosophy is a practical improvement.  It sounds like a self-defense mechanism.

Self-defence mechanism? How did you come to that,  I wonder? I'm not anti-marriage, or anti-sex. I simply believe that Word of God like so many others

[Scarpia]

Self-defence mechanism? How did you come to that,  I wonder? I'm not anti-marriage, or anti-sex. I simply believe that Word of God like so many others

It is self-defense because you have decided you are forbidden to do what you are afraid to do.

[abidoful]

It is self-defense because you have decided you are forbidden to do what you are afraid to do.

Decided what?

[Scarpia]

Decided what?

It is self-defense because you have decided to adopt a religious philosophy that tells you that you are forbidden to do what you are actually afraid to do, move forward and try again.

[Philoctetes]

It is self-defense because you have decided to adopt a religious philosophy that tells you that you are forbidden to do what you are actually afraid to do, move forward and try again.

Perhaps you're being too nice. Talk slower.

YOU (abidoful)
DECIDED
TO
ACCEPT
A
RELIGIOUS
IDEOLOGY
BASED
OFF
SEEMINGLY
ONE
FAILURE!

[abidoful]

It is self-defense because you have decided to adopt a religious philosophy that tells you that you are forbidden to do what you are actually afraid to do, move forward and try again.

Thanks.
I had a brief crush last fall and started dating this girl which ended almost as soon as it begun.
My recovery was slow from my first relationship and I guess you can't just order yourself to get over something---that's of course not the same as to dwell on in the past.

But I'm getting there :=)

[Bulldog]

Bold girls, good looking girls, I praise them, when do they finally understand and surround me?

Things will get better for me, I hope, when the following will happen (Mistral Wind is that girl, the song is by Prince Vogelfrei in whom I recognize my self):

A DANCING SONG (November, 22 1884)

Mistral wind, you rain cloud leaper,
sadness killer, heaven sweeper,
how I love you when you roar!
Were we two not generated
in one womb, predestinated
for one lot for evermore?

Here on slippery rocky traces
I dance into your embraces,
dancing as you sing and whistle:
you that, shipless, do not halt,
freedom's freest brother, vault
over raging seas, a missile.

Barely waked, I heard you calling,
stormed to where the rocks are sprawling,
to the gold wall by the sea—
when you came like swiftly dashing
river rapids, diamond-splashing,
from the peaks triumphantly.

Through the heavens' threshing basin
I could see your horses hasten,
saw the carriage you commanded,
saw your hand yourself attack
when upon the horses' back
lightning-like your scourge descended.

From your carriage of disaster
leaping to bear down yet faster,
I saw you in arrow form
vertically downward plunging,
like a golden sunbeam lunging
through the roses of the dawn.

Dance on myriad backs a season,
billows' backs and billows' treason—
we need dances that are new!
Let us dance in myriad manners,
freedom write on our art's banners,
our science shall be gay!

Let us break from every flower
one fine blossom for our power
and two leaves to wind a wreath!
Let us dance like troubadours
between holy men and whores,
between god and world beneath!

Who thinks tempests dance too quickly,
all the bandaged and the sickly,
crippled, old, and overnice,
if you fear the wind might hurt you,
honor-fools and geese of virtue—
out of our paradise!

Let us whirl the dusty hazes
right into the sick men's noses,
flush the sick brood everywhere!
Let us free the coast together
from the wilted bosoms' blether,
from the eyes that never dare!

Let us chase the shadow lovers,
world defamers, rain-cloud shovers—
let us brighten up the sky!
All free spirits' spirit, let you
and me thunder; since I met you,
like a tempest roars my joy.

And forever to attest
such great joy, take its bequest,
take this wreath with you up there!
Toss it higher, further, gladder,
storm up on the heavens' ladder,
hang it up—upon a star.

(Nietzsche, The Gay Science)

You'll never be successful with women if you stay attached to the Nietzsche Dating Service.

[Scarpia]

You'll never be successful with women if you stay attached to the Nietzsche Dating Service.

I seem to remember of Nietzsche that he had sex once in his life and died from syphilis. 

[karlhenning]

What is the cause of the high divorce rate? I could not possibly have an opinion.

[MishaK]

http://www.nih.gov/news/pr/aug2004/niaaa-02.htm

I recall seeing a British survey a few years ago that reported similar figures.

Having a personality disorder does not equal being positively antisocial or asocial.

the song is by Prince Vogelfrei in whom I recognize my self):

Vogelfreiheit is a medieval punishment, whereby you're free as a bird, i.e. free of human rights as well. Anyone can do anything to you, like they could to a wild animal. Not exactly something to aspire to.

[DavidRoss]

Having a personality disorder does not equal being positively antisocial or asocial.

No one said it did.  However, certain personality disorders--schizoid and antisocial--absolutely do, and all personality disorders interfere significantly with normal social interactions.  See http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001935

Note that there are other mental illnesses equally or more debilitating than diagnosable personality disorders, but happily they are hardly so common.

[MishaK]

No one said it did.  However, certain personality disorders--schizoid and antisocial--absolutely do, and all personality disorders interfere significantly with normal social interactions. 

I realize that and don't disagree. But you're moving the goalposts. That wasn't the original point.

[DavidRoss]

I realize that and don't disagree. But you're moving the goalposts. That wasn't the original point.

Huh?  I didn't move them at all. Here's my original point:

Let's not forget the significant percentage with serious personality disorders--schizoids, for instance--and other organic anomalies that make them exceptions to the rule.

You thought this was trivial.  I responded:

Regardless of cause, it's worth noting that a significant minority (nearly 10%, IIRC) are either asocial or antisocial, thus lack the capacity to understand the significance of social interactions to the other 90% of us.  And it's possible--even likely--that some persons suffering such impairment frequent this site.

You called the figure absurdly high.  I cited a government study indicating that nearly 7 percent of adult Americans have one of two personality disorders very specifically defined as asocial (schizoid) or antisocial (antisocial) , that nearly 15% have one of seven personality disorders ALL of which significantly impair social functioning, and that still does not include the other three personality disorders (also defined by such impairment) or any of the other equally or more debilitating mental illnesses relevant to the issue.

My point has been consistent throughout:  That a significant percentage of people do not fall within the normal range of human social functioning and that failing to recognize this will necessarily lead to misunderstanding and confusion.  We can no more expect everyone to share the capacity for normal social interaction than we can expect everyone to speak Farsi or run a 10 second 100 meter dash.

[bwv 1080]

My point has been consistent throughout:  That a significant percentage of people do not fall within the normal range of human social functioning and that failing to recognize this will necessarily lead to misunderstanding and confusion.  We can no more expect everyone to share the capacity for normal social interaction than we can expect everyone to speak Farsi or run a 10 second 100 meter dash.

given that autistic spectrum disorders, which are not psychiatric disorders, comprise a good portion of this group the point is well made

not to mention the question of whether psychiatric personality disorders actually exist or not

[Herman]

I cited a government study indicating that nearly 7 percent of adult Americans have one of two personality disorders very specifically defined as asocial (schizoid) or antisocial (antisocial) , that nearly 15% have one of seven personality disorders ALL of which significantly impair social functioning, and that still does not include the other three personality disorders (also defined by such impairment) or any of the other equally or more debilitating mental illnesses relevant to the issue.

My point has been consistent throughout:  That a significant percentage of people do not fall within the normal range of human social functioning and that failing to recognize this will necessarily lead to misunderstanding and confusion.  We can no more expect everyone to share the capacity for normal social interaction than we can expect everyone to speak Farsi or run a 10 second 100 meter dash.

And just to prove your point you changed your name. That is so normal. Many people have been concerned with the ballooning growth of mental disorders in the big book, and the ever shrinking slice of society which can be considered 'normal'  -  until these normal folks are discovered solliciting casual sex in the airport toilet stalls. Arguably 75% of the 19th century population in a country like the UK could be considered abnormal according to today's standards, just because there was less governmental scrutiny into one's behavior and the diversity of people's behaviors was infinitely larger: regional styles, family and clan traditions and just plain individual habits unhampered by national and later global television and other sorts of 'entertainment'. Only during the Cold War this pressure to be 'normal' started in earnest, it's perhaps part of the legacy of Adolf H. whose politics reached deep into the family homes.

As to the wedded life. Perhaps a life of monogamy from age 25 to 80 is 'normal', in the sense that humans are biologically and mentally wired for this, but there is very little evidence for this idea. I congratulate anyone who can do this, and I feel bad for all the divorces in my vicinity. But I'm not going to throw the 'normal' at anyone. It's just not realistic.

[MishaK]

given that autistic spectrum disorders, which are not psychiatric disorders, comprise a good portion of this group the point is well made

not to mention the question of whether psychiatric personality disorders actually exist or not

Mr. Peabody and I somehow ended up continuing this discussion in the Wagner thread, so for coherence's sake, here is my response:

Oh, I didn't question their existence. I just questioned whether a) truly everything that is classified as a personality disorder these days is indeed a personality disorder or rather an excuse for the pharma industry to market psychopharmaceuticals; and b) whether that proportion, even if it is as high as you say, is the cause of the divorce rate we were discussing in [this] thread. It seems rather that people with severe personality disorders rarely find themselves in the position to have someone to divorce. 

[MishaK]

So much about marriage allegedly leading to unhappiness: