50 Things That Only Happen in the Movies

[Greta]

Wow, this is great! I laughed out loud at some you guys came up with!

Let's try to get to 100....

Why are so many people "in advertising"? (Especially in the 90s more).

If you're in a movie and near death on the operating table - it's okay, they'll shock you back to life, or fail, and then you'll magically come to life anyway as they're taking down your time of death and covering your face.

If a woman meets a nice guy on the side of the road or in a dingy bar, just know he will plot to rape and/or kill you from that moment on.

If you're trying to kill your evil husband or stalker that has broken in your house, don't think a gun can kill him. Don't think falling down the stairs or being run over can. Don't think stabbing him will work either. Just cut to the chase and whack his head off with a machete.

[springrite]

Killers (good or bad) always talk for longer than they should before delivering the fatal blow (or shot), giving the rescuers the vital seconds required to come and ruin it all.

[orbital]

Killers (good or bad) always talk for longer than they should before delivering the fatal blow (or shot), giving the rescuers the vital seconds required to come and ruin it all.

"I'll kill you in the next minute or two, but before I do that, I want to explain everything you want to know"
Why, what's the point   

[Shrunk]

83. If someone is on the phone, and the person on the other end suddenly hangs up in anger, there will be a "click" followed by the drone of a dial tone, while our hero stares in bewilderment at the receiver.  In real life, there is no dial tone, just silence.

[Drasko]

"I'll kill you in the next minute or two, but before I do that, I want to explain everything you want to know"

JB: You eckshpect me to talk?
GF: No, Mr.Bond I expect you to die!

94. If you don't know how to end the movie just make your main character dreamt the whole thing.

[MishaK]

But of course, even with imperfections, you appreciate the rare actor who makes an effort to 'act' at the instrument in a way which harmonizes with the music being 'performed.'

My dad actually once got a gig to play in a quartet for a German TV production. The quartet was to play in the background at some social function. These guys likewise wanted real musicians who could handle the instruments properly. Of course, because the filiming would be cut but the music would have to continue uninterrupted, they were going to use a soundtrack for the actual music in the movie. Unfortunately, despite many pleas by my father and the other quartet members, they refused to let them know what music is being used for the soundtrack. So again, the musicians were forced to be doing something completely unrelated to the soundtrack despite being actual musicians who could have played it properly.

Back to the topic:

95: There is always an unobstructed, easy to get into, legal parking spot exactly in front of your destination.

[greg]

Killers (good or bad) always talk for longer than they should before delivering the fatal blow (or shot), giving the rescuers the vital seconds required to come and ruin it all.

I can't believe no one has thought of that until now! That's like the most obvious one. Especially kids shows, like Batman or anything else.

[Shrunk]

Just thought of another one:  Cars are always parked with their doors unlocked, and can be started without keys.

This was actually sent up in Woody Allen's "Purple Rose of Cairo", when Jeff Daniels' character jumps into a car and is flabbergasted when it won't start, until Mia Farrow explains, "In real life, they need keys."

[Mark]

As aptly observed in 'Team America': " ... if you want to go/from a zero to a pro/you need a montage!"

[BachQ]

41.  All grocery shopping involves the purchase of a French loaf ... which is placed into ....large, open brown paper bags

99% true

[Kullervo]

As aptly observed in 'Team America': " ... if you want to go/from a zero to a pro/you need a montage!"

"always fade out in a montage... if you fade out it seems like more time has passed in a montage"

[techniquest]

95: There is always an unobstructed, easy to get into, legal parking spot exactly in front of your destination.

We've already got thatone (it's No.30).
Hang on guys - we have to take stock of the numbering system here, it jumped from 83 to 94, and we have some posts with entries which are not numbered. It could be this is the reason for the number-jump so that it makes up for those un-numbered entries. Therefore I suggest we carry on from Shrunks 'cars parked' entry as No.95, so the next one should be 96.

[BachQ]

51.  Whenever a cellphone would materially assist a victim in trouble, that victim does not have a cellphone with him/her ........

[Mark]

If a defenceless woman hears a voice in a haunted house telling her not to look in the cellar, she'll look in the cellar. And she won't go down there armed with a gun or an axe - she'll take a torch. "Oh yeah, I'll make you squint, you psycho serial killing monster, you ... "

[m_gigena]

If a defenceless woman hears a voice in a haunted house telling her not to look in the cellar, she'll look in the cellar. And she won't go down there armed with a gun or an axe - she'll take a torch. "Oh yeah, I'll make you squint, you psycho serial killing monster, you ... "

No completely true. Sometimes the trip to the cellar is posponed, as the teenager (24 yo) needs to take a shower first. What in most cases guarantees a towell run through the house and backyard.

[orbital]

- In the Friday the 13th-esque movies, the fat young man with glasses is almost always guaranteed to die first.

- In the Armegeddon-esque disaster movies (or the ones in smaller scale like Jaws) there is always a scientist warning everyone about the upcoming peril, but the statesman, be it the sheriff in Jaws or the senator in Armageddon dismisses these pleas. (Plus there is always that idiot who screams "We're all gonna die")
edit-Also, connected to this one, the hero is generally a divorcee with his/her child turned against him. The world goes astray, but no worries, the family is united in the end  0:)

[Mark]

The DA is always threatening to take some cop's badge.

[Sergeant Rock]

74 There are magical musical instruments which produce sound bearing no relationship to the movement of the performer's fingers thereon.

This is related to the magical guitar that the hero starts strumming. It sounds just like an entire band or orchestra. Elvis always played one of those    ...and what's even more amazing, it continued to play even when he stopped strumming and began dancing while singing.

Sarge

[karlhenning]

This is related to the magical guitar that the hero starts strumming. It's sounds just like an entire band or orchestra. Elvis always played one of those    ...and what's it's even more amazing, it continued to play even when he stopped strumming and began dancing while singing.

I couldn't possibly offer an opinion, Sarge 

[Sergeant Rock]

I couldn't possibly offer an opinion, Sarge 

I want one of those guitars. It really impresses the women 

Sarge