So I Like This Woman At Work...

[The new erato]

... this crazy notion of actually talking to the woman.

More seriously - this used to work until quite recently.

[CaughtintheGaze]

More seriously - this used to work until quite recently.

Perhaps I've let the times pass me by, or perhaps it's because I only associate with women near my age, but that seems queer that it no longer is effective. We've become a rather odd society if 'texting' becomes the new format of communication.

[ibanezmonster]

We've become a rather odd society if 'texting' becomes the new format of communication.

It's almost an odd sight to see a girl between the age of 15-25 walking down the street while not texting.

What the fuck is this? When did men become such pussies?

Probably due to feminism and the widespread use of the "womanizer" or "misogynist" labels. On the flip side, if you act sensitive and sincere, you can easily be viewed as creep or a loser. So I guess it's just best to put your middle finger up at the world and act however you feel like acting, right? 

[CaughtintheGaze]

It's almost an odd sight to see a girl between the age of 15-25 walking down the street while not texting.


Probably due to feminism and the widespread use of the "womanizer" or "misogynist" labels. On the flip side, if you act sensitive and sincere, you can easily be viewed as creep or a loser. So I guess it's just best to put your middle finger up at the world and act however you feel like acting, right? 

To the first: I work and teach on a college campus, and I don't see many girls particpating in that activity.

To the second: I think it's probably due to the man simply being a pussy, and because of his fear of rejection (or whatever the rationale) decides to take the soft way out. They don't deserve any rewards.

[Sammy]

It's almost an odd sight to see a girl between the age of 15-25 walking down the street while not texting.


Probably due to feminism and the widespread use of the "womanizer" or "misogynist" labels. On the flip side, if you act sensitive and sincere, you can easily be viewed as creep or a loser. So I guess it's just best to put your middle finger up at the world and act however you feel like acting, right? 

You're getting the hang of it - just be yourself.

[madaboutmahler]

That's a really wonderful message, John. I wish you the best of luck and hope it turns out well.

[Szykneij]

So I haven't seen her all week and I'm still thinking about her. I sent her a message via Facebook and hope she accepts my request to have coffee. Here's the message I sent her:

Hey Christine,

I sent you a friend request last week I believe and you rejected it and rightfully so, because you probably didn't know who I am. I'm John from Walmart. You know me from the bakery there. Anyway, I hardly see you anymore at work, but I hope you don't mind me messaging you like this. I will be completely honest with you (not that I haven't been honest with you in the past), but I like you and I think about you a lot. You have one of the best personalities I've ever encountered. You have this positive attitude and it really makes me feel a lot better when I see your smile. I wish I could have asked you out that night I saw you shopping at Walmart, but I didn't feel it was the right place to do that. If you would ever like to get coffee so we could talk and get to know each other, then that would great. I also completely understand if you're not interested, but at least I know in my heart I did what I had to do.

Hope to see you soon,


-John

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I had to send this to her because I just couldn't take not being able to see her anymore and I wanted her to know how I felt. Whether she rejects me or not isn't the point of this but rather being completely honest with her, which I'm happy to say that I have been.

hmmm ... You went from wanting to ask her out for coffee to telling her you're completely infatuated with her. (Do you think maybe "psychotic stalker" crossed her mind?)

Then, instead of making it easy for her to say "yes" or "no" by asking the simple question "Do you want to go out for coffee?", you end your Facebook Paean to Christine by telling her you understand why she wouldn't want to have anything to do with you -- not live and in person, but through a social network medium more commonly used by people to post pictures of their pet cats.

I'm afraid you now appear timid and unconfident, and maybe a little scary.

(And who knows, if she was to reply in the affirmative, maybe you should be a little scared.)   

[Sergeant Rock]

...you end your [...]Paean to Christine by telling her you understand why she wouldn't want to have anything to do with you

That type of speech worked for Louie C.K. a few episodes ago    Of course, the woman he asked out turned out to be crazy.

Sarge

[DavidW]

That type of speech worked for Louie C.K. a few episodes ago    Of course, the woman he asked out turned out to be crazy.

Sarge

He is hilarious, I love his standup!

[ibanezmonster]

You're getting the hang of it - just be yourself.

True.

Well, at least at a certain level. If I could be my true true true self, I would really be a jerk to strangers, for example. If you've ever seen that Family Guy clip where Dick Cheney works as a Wal-Mart greeter, he greets everyone by saying, "Go fuck yourself." That's me. 

(Do you think maybe "psychotic stalker" crossed her mind?)

It crossed my mind. Unfortunately.

Well I'd not suggest that route, well I might just to see how it works out, but you know...

If they have internet in jail, let us know the details... 

[Mirror Image]

That's a really wonderful message, John. I wish you the best of luck and hope it turns out well.

Thank you, Daniel. As it turns out, she never got the message, so I'm actually quite relieved now. I just think I'm not going to pursue her now. I've changed my mind. If she expresses an interest in me, then that's great, but I'm actually quite content being single. I won't lie and say that it doesn't get lonely, but I'm taking all of this miscommunication between she and I as she's not the one for me. I'm on vacaction now, so it's time to catch up one some classical listening, but I've got some goodies arriving in the mail that I'm looking forward to hearing.

[Mirror Image]

What the fuck is this? When did men become such pussies?

I don't like what you're implying here and it's no wonder why I avoid you on this forum for this very reason: you're completely irrational, rude, juvenile, and insensitive. A little humility goes a long way. I come here bearing my heart and this is the way I get treated? What a screwed up world we live in.

[Mirror Image]

Probably due to feminism and the widespread use of the "womanizer" or "misogynist" labels. On the flip side, if you act sensitive and sincere, you can easily be viewed as creep or a loser. So I guess it's just best to put your middle finger up at the world and act however you feel like acting, right? 

I act like a decent human being. That's the way I want to act. This whole "screw the world" mentality is one that I've took apart of. There is good in this world and while it may be hard to find these days, it does exist. If you want to truly act this way, then this is your prerogative, but I don't think you'll ever gain a genuine relationship with this frame of mind.

[ibanezmonster]

Thank you, Daniel. As it turns out, she never got the message, so I'm actually quite relieved now. I just think I'm not going to pursue her now. I've changed my mind. If she expresses an interest in me, then that's great, but I'm actually quite content being single. I won't lie and say that it doesn't get lonely, but I'm taking all of this miscommunication between she and I as she's not the one for me. I'm on vacaction now, so it's time to catch up one some classical listening, but I've got some goodies arriving in the mail that I'm looking forward to hearing.

What?... 
First, how did you know she never got the message (did you not send it)? Just ask her in person (and definitely wait for the right opportunity, even if it is a few weeks from now).

You still have the feeling of loneliness from time to time?... wow, that stopped for me for the last, probably, 2 or so years.

There is good in this world and while it may be hard to find these days, it does exist.

That's definitely the truth. Evil rules the world, though most people I know are pretty good. Well, I guess in short, evil rules over good in this world.

I don't like what you're implying here and it's no wonder why I avoid you on this forum for this very reason: you're completely irrational, rude, juvenile, and insensitive. A little humility goes a long way. I come here bearing my heart and this is the way I get treated? What a screwed up world we live in.

Thaaaaaaaaaaaaat's Kevin!
(cue the circus music) 

[Mirror Image]

What?... 
First, how did you know she never got the message (did you not send it)? Just ask her in person (and definitely wait for the right opportunity, even if it is a few weeks from now).

Okay, time to spill the beans. She knows I'm interested in her, because I talked to one of her friends and I asked her friend did she ever get my message I left on FB and she said "No, she never received it." I said to myself "Yes!" Now, I can just ask her in person like I should of did today when I saw her! I don't know what's happening to me, but there's apart of me that doesn't want to give up my freedom and part of me that does want to enter into a possible relationship. It looks like the bachelor on my left shoulder is winning and the lonely guy who wants to be loved on my other shoulder is losing.

You still have the feeling of loneliness from time to time?... wow, that stopped for me for the last, probably, 2 or so years.

I haven't been on a date in probably 5 years, so yeah, I do get lonely from time to time, but there just haven't been any women that have caught my eye. I mean I see hot women all day long at work, but I get the sense that there's just so much surface there and not enough depth. I like women who aren't into themselves and their looks and who are modest and don't come across as stuck-up or have some kind of superiority complex.

Thaaaaaaaaaaaaat's Kevin!
(cue the circus music) 

It doesn't matter who it is, I didn't deserve to be talked to in the negative manner he spoke to me in. I didn't do anything to this guy to warrant that kind of response.

[Mirror Image]

Okay, here's an update: I sent her a friend request, she accepted. I'm just going to treat her like a friend. Nothing more. Facebook reveals a little too much about people. Thankfully, when she views my page, she'll see that I'm as boring as unbuttered toast and is obsessed with classical music and will probably not want much to do with me. I've already forseen what will happen: we will speak to each other in passing, maybe leave a note on each's wall, and the friendship will become stagnant and we'll probably end up deleting each other and will probably say hello in passing just to avoid any akwardness. She'll find somebody and I'll remain alone. The end.

[Sammy]

Okay, here's an update: I sent her a friend request, she accepted. I'm just going to treat her like a friend. Nothing more. Facebook reveals a little too much about people. Thankfully, when she views my page, she'll see that I'm as boring as unbuttered toast and is obsessed with classical music and will probably not want much to do with me. I've already forseen what will happen: we will speak to each other in passing, maybe leave a note on each's wall, and the friendship will become stagnant and we'll probably end up deleting each other and will probably say hello in passing just to avoid any akwardness. She'll find somebody and I'll remain alone. The end.

You seem to have no confidence that a woman can be attracted to you, and not having a single date in five years doesn't help the self-esteem button.  In a previous posting, you offered a description of the type of woman you want to spend time with; fact is that there are tons of women who fit that description.  Either you're looking in the wrong places or not looking at all.

Get up, young man, and go for what you want!  There's nothing wrong with being single, but you can be single and also spend time with one or more women. 

[TheGSMoeller]

Do people "date" in the rural South? "Hey babe I live at the end of the dirt road, let's meet at Waffle House some time."

Dude, IHOP, we're classier than that.

[TheGSMoeller]

I'm from Georgia myself (and lived for most of my adolescence in rural Florida). I didn't have a date until I moved to the city (but there are also politico-social reasons for that, ahem).

I see you're in Chicago now, great city. Lyric Opera and Grant Park Orchestra, two great ensembles. 

[TheGSMoeller]

Yes, but I'm usually too broke and/or busy to see any of them!

Grant Park is free! And find some time. 
Been a few years since my last visit to Chicago, need to get there again soon.

Back to John's situation...one word, confidence. Don't be concerned about whether she finds you boring or not, enjoy what you interests you. Be confident in your life choices, and someone down the line will appreciate that and find it attractive, whether it's your female co-worker or another. Because if she finds you boring based on your interests, then she may not be the one for you.