A Completely Not Serious Thread

[Brian]

I would like to know what people look like when they are eating...

Actually, for some people, watching obese people eat is a sexual turn-on.

Seriously.

I read it in the love advice column of The Onion.    The advice-giver said, "Well, so, what, if you want to watch eating p0rn do you just go to McDonalds?"

[Lethevich]

Actually, for some people, watching obese people eat is a sexual turn-on.

Seriously.

I read it in the love advice column of The Onion.    The advice-giver said, "Well, so, what, if you want to watch eating p0rn do you just go to McDonalds?"

Yep, this is one of the horrors I have read about on sites like SomethingAwful, and then seen in detail on YouTube

Example: Part 1, Part 2.

[PaulR]

Jingle Bells, Batman smells............

[Brian]

Nitwit, blubber, oddment, tweak!

[karlhenning]

Leather, rattle, woollens, shriek!

[Kullervo]

Kumquat, titillate, titmouse, Wankel engine

[Brian]

Kumquat, titillate, titmouse, Wankel engine

Hey, we was rhyming over here!

[XB-70 Valkyrie]

When they see us coming, the birdies all try and hide
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide!

[Saul]

Wagon man ..Wagon man... wagon man...

Up the hill........ now down the hill...

Push and push ... pull and pull

Walla... its not french .. nor elvish folk...

Stunning as it may seem... its only a wagon man....

[greg]

6790039587

[Brian]

6790039587

bottles of beer on the wall?

[Mark]

bottles of beer on the wall?

As long as I don't have to sing it all the way through with my daughter once she's of an age to want such songs, then you can put up as many green bottles as the wall can support.

[greg]

bottles of beer on the wall?

no, it's a bar code.

[PaulR]

Why does Ice cream have to taste really good, but not that good for you?

I love Ice Cream!

[greg]

Why does Ice cream have to taste really good, but not that good for you?

I love Ice Cream!

it's a conspiracy.

[ChamberNut]

I was laughing out loud at my desk reading this.  Will provide a good laugh for some who work or have worked in an office.   

HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked
back in our chairs
and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to
convince ourselves
otherwise, the work poo is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at
work, consider the
following survival guide:

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the
smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came
from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled.
Walk an extra thirty feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping.Walk in and
check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back
again. Be careful not to become a frequent flyer - people may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

THE ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak or forcing a
small poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarassment.
If you release and escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you
are in the stall next to the farter, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an
escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine
gun pace. This is usually a side effect of a hangover. If this should happen, do not
panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the
awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop
hits the water.
This reduces the amount of time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.
This can help you avoid the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after
you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn
proud of it. You will often see an out-of-the-closet-pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the
out-of-the-closet-pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N): A group of co-workers who band
together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you monitor the whereabouts of out-of-the-closet-poopers and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS: Seldom used bathrooms somewhere in the building where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite
sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the turd burglar leaves. This way you will avoid any uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phoney cough that alerts new entrants into the bathroom
that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: The subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential turd burglars that you are
occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear
an astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poo in
peace.

WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarassing incident. If you feel a watermelon coming on,
create a diversion.
See COURTESY FLUSH and CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELETTE: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud
splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE or COURTESY FLUSH.

[George]

Chamber Nut, I can honestly say without exaggeration that I have never laughed so hard reading anything on this forum. (Thankfully no farts escaped while I was laughing uncontrollably.

Thanks so much! 

[ChamberNut]

Chamber Nut, I can honestly say without exaggeration that I have never laughed so hard reading anything on this forum. (Thankfully no farts escaped while I was laughing uncontrollably.

Thanks so much! 

Glad you enjoyed it George.  I had a hard time not laughing out loud at work while reading this.  It was early in the morning, so not many people were at work yet, thank goodness. 

[karlhenning]

If only, instead of starting multiple versions of the same navel-gazing thread, Sean would just plug into this one . . . .

[Gurn Blanston]

If only, instead of starting multiple versions of the same navel-gazing thread, Sean would just plug into this one . . . .

Sean's are all sub-threads of this one, aren't they? 



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Listening to:
Dvorak Op 033 - Richter Bavarian RSO/ C. Kleiber - Dvorak Concerto in g for Piano Op 33 1st mvmt