Small fights, with major consequences in relationships.

[Harry]

What I often experience around me, is the fallout between partners, married people and other love relations, that a small argument can turn quickly into a destructive fight in which stubbornness is a major factor. If people would more readily admit that they could be wrong in a argument, and not pose a argument as a absolute truth, much could be saved of what is precious.
Understanding each others motives, and see both sides of a argument would be highly beneficial to a solution that is well balanced and keep the love indoors.
To often a minor quibble is growing into a full time war, while peace is within seeing distance.
It happens around me, and it can happen in my life, and maybe it did.....
Anyway, would like to hear some input from others if possible, unless all is well beyond the borders of the Netherlands.

[LVB_opus.125]

I find that arguments are usually born from someone saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. For instance, I'm very tired from work, and am almost ready to retire, and my girlfriend makes a snide comment about how I smoked a cigar once (it doesn't seem like a big deal, but trust me - it is to her). I don't like being judged unfairly, and I made angry comments. However, I could see readily by her horrible reaction to my backlash that I was overreacting due to my tired state. Normally I could laugh off such comments and take them in stride. But my outlook is, if you want to keep her, make up the same night, otherwise you won't be getting the sleep you so required.

[Harry]

Yes, that is what I mean with my story, small fights......
Thank you for this.

[Mozart]

God I just spent the entire night drunk talking to a Bulgarian girl and the entire night she didn't laugh! So I tried even harder...and still not 1 laugh! Not even a giggle! I made some quality jokes also.  I am not wrong Harry, she should have laughed!

[M forever]

Quality jokes...like what, for instance?

God I just spent the entire night drunk talking to a Bulgarian girl and the entire night she didn't laugh!

What language did you talk to her in? And if it wasn't Bulgarian, did she actually understand what you said? If not, that might explain why she didn't react.

[Mozart]

No she was pretty fluent in English. I can't recreate my jokes, they are all situational. It really wasn't the entire night, maybe 90 minutes..and she smiled when I said things but never once did she say Ha...I eventually just said damnit and gave up trying to hear that sound. Weee but I've never just had wine for an entire night, well actually I've never had alot of wine before. It made me drunk but also relaxed.The walls aren't moving up and down nothing is spinning and I can't still type even after a bottle and a half I think I found a new friend.

[M forever]

and she smiled when I said things but never once did she say Ha...

Sorry I have to tell you, but that's a reaaaallly bad sign. Even worse than if she hadn't smiled and just looked bored.

I think I found a new friend.

Yes, Elias, you didn't get the lady but you found a new friend in alcohol instead...but it is not always your friend, although it may pretend it is...but then with alcohol, your jokes will always be funny...at least to yourself 

[KevinP]

Take every argument seriously. Never be dismissive of what your partner's upset about. Argue against it, but don't trivialise it.

[greg]

i heard that most divorces are a result of arguing about money. If this is true, are there less divorces with higher-middle and high class people? Or is this a faulty conclusion?....

[Harry]

i heard that most divorces are a result of arguing about money. If this is true, are there less divorces with higher-middle and high class people? Or is this a faulty conclusion?....

The arguments are mostly and on every level in society about money, or suspected adultery.....

[karlhenning]

Now I'm confused: is arguing over adultery a "small fight"? I ask only for information.

[longears]

God I just spent the entire night drunk talking to a Bulgarian girl and the entire night she didn't laugh! So I tried even harder...and still not 1 laugh! Not even a giggle! I made some quality jokes also.  I am not wrong Harry, she should have laughed!

Drunks often think they're being charming and amusing when they're actually being vulgar and obnoxious.

RE. The topic:  If what appears to be a minor dispute over a small matter erupts into a relationship-threatening battle, then the "small" matter is likely to be but the tip of an enormous iceberg. 

[Harry]

RE. The topic:  If what appears to be a minor dispute over a small matter erupts into a relationship-threatening battle, then the "small" matter is likely to be but the tip of an enormous iceberg. 

Absolutely....that's what I found out too, in many situations.

[greg]

The arguments are mostly and on every level in society about money, or suspected adultery.....

maybe so, maybe one argues that they want a Mercedes and the other wants a Porsche.....
now, suspected adultery, that's pretty serious...

[karlhenning]

Drunks often think they're being charming and amusing when they're actually being vulgar and obnoxious.

What we need is a band of the name The Supposedly Charming Drunks.

[Haffner]

I was shocked at how male my family appeared to me, having visited them last week for the first time in 12 years. My father could boss around and interrupt my mother seemingly at will, where I would be in HUGE trouble if I ever had that attitude with my girl. I couldn't bring myself to ever treat my girl that way, and seeing my parents taught me alot about how I don't want to end up. I was especially grateful and less likely to fight with my girl after seeing them, because I saw how lucky I have it.


Maybe that's way my father's family (from Naples, Italy) behaved...maybe it's the same on my mother's German side. Both are first generation European immigrants that just seem to be marking time until their deaths.

[Harry]

I was shocked at how male my family appeared to me, having visited them last week for the first time in 12 years. My father could boss around and interrupt my mother seemingly at will, where I would be in HUGE trouble if I ever had that attitude with my girl. I couldn't bring myself to ever treat my girl that way, and seeing my parents taught me alot about how I don't want to end up. I was especially grateful and less likely to fight with my girl after seeing them, because I saw how lucky I have it.


Maybe that's way my father's family (from Naples, Italy) behaved...maybe it's the same on my mother's German side. Both are first generation European immigrants that just seem to be marking time until their deaths.

Thanks for sharing Andy....

[Josquin des Prez]

i heard that most divorces are a result of arguing about money. If this is true, are there less divorces with higher-middle and high class people? Or is this a faulty conclusion?....

If by 'arguing about money' you mean exploit the extremely biased legal system to get the husband to pay child support and relent half of his assets, then, yeah.

It's not like women aren't capable of such things:

http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/1961294/

[Montpellier]

An interesting issue - because I'm fairly tolerant, rarely ruffled and in the daily soap of life I've found that people look for things to complain about, about me.  I don't have many quarrels and only natural confronters have trouble with me.   I've not been liked for deliberately taking a view opposite to the one I really own, just so that a confronter will counter with his or her opposite which is usually close to my real view.  Still, individuality is something to cherish and I don't expect people to change to accommodate my whimsies.  Too many persons want to regulate the universe to fit in with just their wishes.....only it doesn't work that way. 

Anyway, it's important to clear up any misunderstandings or quarrel before parting with someone or going to sleep at night.  That way, so far, it's been possible to stop things before they become major consequences.

[knight66]

Small arguments may not in the least be what they seem.

Sometimes it is a way of communication when the partners really don't in fact communicate at all well.

Sometimes it is like a rash that displays itself on the surface and indicates that there is a lot wrong; but neither party can 'go there', so little things are used to hold the significance of what cannot be discussed.

Sometimes it is about provoking a reaction to show the other person cares.

Lots of couples need an argument, it excites them and again, it is safer to escalate trivial things. Of course, it may indeed be that things just get completely out of hand.

Mike