Why don't people use their name, or a name, on internet forums?

[ChamberNut]

Well ....... There it is ......

Dm, are you quoting from Amadeus, the movie? 

[karlhenning]

Thanks guys, I'm touched and gratified. Hope to be well out of this internet drivel before too long...

Sean, part of the trouble is that you are the one furnishing the drivel content.

Part of it is, you have the power to use your time otherwise than on the Internet, if you find it just a source of drivel.

[BachQ]

Dm, are you quoting from Amadeus, the movie? 

[Don]

Thanks guys, I'm touched and gratified. Hope to be well out of this internet drivel before too long...

You keep promising to leave this board, but you never leave.  You're clearly not a man of your word.

Personally, I don't think you know much about your own country, never mind other domains.  Perhaps not surprising, given that you don't understand yourself.  You need years of therapy, and time's running out on you.

[BachQ]

Sean, part of the trouble is that you are the one furnishing the drivel content.

What utter rot

[Ephemerid]

Sean, I am often very tempted to write off many people I know & have met in my neck of the woods, but deep down inside, when I do it, I'm just plain wrong. 

I am very unhappy about where I currently live, for a lot of reasons-- but that's not just "their fault" -- I feel I don't fit in here in the southern US at all (my parents joke about how I must've gotten swapped out at the hospital at birth LOL).  The people here are good folk, even though I feel like an outsider.  I won't change for them & I certainly couldn't expect them to change for me.  That's fine with me.  I am planning on moving someplace I find much more to my liking, but I'm not looking for a utopia either (and also I have many more positive reasons for moving *to* New Zealand-- and not just my girlfriend!).

I see no reason to go judging people wholesale.  Years ago I was much more immature about it ridiculing "rednecks" all the time, merely reacting against my environment, but I was just making myself even a lot more miserable by doing that.  I understand that temptation, but I've learnt to resist it.

I'm just saying the truth is a bit more of a mixed bag, its not absolute.  What I think makes me happy may not make everyone else happy.  What others think makes them happy may be something different (and even then its in degrees).  People can only do what's right for themselves, not force others to swallow what you think is right.  Otherwise, you just make yourself feel a lot worse. 

A little bit of moderation and humility goes a long way, otherwise, you're only hurting yourself.

[karlhenning]

What utter rot

Post of the Day 

[karlhenning]

Fine post, Josh.

A little bit of moderation and humility goes a long way, otherwise, you're only hurting yourself.

Humility is so much more difficult, when you're sure you're the only one in the world who is right 

[knight66]

I don't want Ephemerid's post to pass by without applauding it. Learning birthed out of experience, some of it harsh experience.

Mike

[bhodges]

Sean, I am often very tempted to write off many people I know & have met in my neck of the woods, but deep down inside, when I do it, I'm just plain wrong. 

I am very unhappy about where I currently live, for a lot of reasons-- but that's not just "their fault" -- I feel I don't fit in here in the southern US at all (my parents joke about how I must've gotten swapped out at the hospital at birth LOL).  The people here are good folk, even though I feel like an outsider.  I won't change for them & I certainly couldn't expect them to change for me.  That's fine with me.  I am planning on moving someplace I find much more to my liking, but I'm not looking for a utopia either (and also I have many more positive reasons for moving *to* New Zealand-- and not just my girlfriend!).

I see no reason to go judging people wholesale.  Years ago I was much more immature about it ridiculing "rednecks" all the time, merely reacting against my environment, but I was just making myself even a lot more miserable by doing that.  I understand that temptation, but I've learnt to resist it.

I'm just saying the truth is a bit more of a mixed bag, its not absolute.  What I think makes me happy may not make everyone else happy.  What others think makes them happy may be something different (and even then its in degrees).  People can only do what's right for themselves, not force others to swallow what you think is right.  Otherwise, you just make yourself feel a lot worse. 

A little bit of moderation and humility goes a long way, otherwise, you're only hurting yourself.

And happy to join in this chorus.  Sometimes we expect too much of others, and forget that those demands can sometimes be rooted in being dissatisfied with our own progress. 

--Bruce

[karlhenning]

I see no reason to go judging people wholesale.  Years ago I was much more immature about it ridiculing "rednecks" all the time, merely reacting against my environment, but I was just making myself even a lot more miserable by doing that.  I understand that temptation, but I've learnt to resist it.

I'm just saying the truth is a bit more of a mixed bag, its not absolute.  What I think makes me happy may not make everyone else happy.  What others think makes them happy may be something different (and even then its in degrees).  People can only do what's right for themselves, not force others to swallow what you think is right.  Otherwise, you just make yourself feel a lot worse. 

Part of the wisdom of this post is, there is a consideration not solely for one's own happiness, but for the fact too that there are others for whom happiness may be somewhat other, and we're all trying for happiness, to some degree of together.

[Sarastro]

I am very unhappy about where I currently live.
I feel I don't fit in here in the southern US at all

I've been thinking that the place you are born at is always your home, first home. Even if it has many problems, I would ever like to come to my city, to visit the school, to walk in parks and on Volga's embankment, to enjoy the architecture...just to see what had happened during the time of my absence. I expect it to be a pathetic feeling, but at the same time I agree with you, Ephemerid, we can find our new home somewhere else.
Just for me, history is one of the most important points, I'll enjoy walking down old streets, looking at the architecture detailing reading memory boards, imagining how people of eighteenth or nineteenth century lived here. Just before my departure I walked through narrow Moscow alleys, and was almost crying when I saw photographies of Milan with trams (there are also some in San Francisco, but I didn't like the city, NY is better for me) and Vienna. Some of my friends from Russia, who live here, also want to return back some day, however, for now it's just a dream.

The people here are good folk, even though I feel like an outsider.

I feel myself like an outsider when I'm asked if I play video-games. Or something about American football (which has no right to be called "football" - they don't even touch it with feet!). Or when I hear that Arabic numbers are actually American and some other "funny" things. Once I even heard that Jesus Christ died in Israel, but was born in USA. On the other hand...

[Dancing Divertimentian]

Or something about American football (which has no right to be called "football" - they don't even touch it with feet!).

Well, that's incorrect: there's the punt, the field goal, extra point, kickoff, drop kick...not to mention any combination of bloopers involving fumbles, rage, touchdown celebrations, etc...

[Ephemerid]

I've been thinking that the place you are born at is always your home, first home.

With my dad being in the military, we never stayed in one place for more than three years until he got out of the service (at which point we lived in Louisiana, and due to economic situations weren't able to go elsewhere).  My parents are from Mississippi, but I was born in California.  That has a lot to do with why I've never really felt tied to one place I guess. 

[karlhenning]

Mine was not a military family, we really did not move that much (I lived in three different houses, two different towns, through all my minority).  I moved around four different places for my higher education, and spent various stretches of time overseas.  And my wife and mom-in-law are from abroad.  For all these various reasons, I am not strongly attached to any particular place.  We like Boston fairly well;  could with equanimity either stay here if stronger ties arise, or relocate elsewhere.

[MishaK]

Another addition to this:

As lovers of classical music - classical music "tragics" as an Aussie friend of mine says - we are a self selected group. Our diversity here and our however remote community here based on one shared interest shows in and of itself how much in a sense we don't fit with our native surroundings and how much easier it is to find some sense of community among a group that shares this one interest irrespecive of their very dissimilar backgrounds.

I grew up as a foreigner in an industrial town in Germany. Given that I was a) a foreigner b) had no interest in soccer and c) liked classical music, these were three strikes against me. Up until the last few years of high school, there were few people who in any way made me feel at home and a full member of society. Then came college and graduate school in the US, which were in themselves selections of people from all over who shared certain intellectual aspirations which therefore made fitting in while being yourself much easier. Strangely, when I returned to Germany to work as a professional for three years, I was received much better (with two US degrees in tow) than when I was "just a foreigner" growing up. In any case, at this point, I'd be happy living in any reasonably cosmopolitian city.

[BachQ]

Our diversity here and our however remote community here based on one shared interest shows in and of itself how much in a sense we don't fit with our native surroundings and how much easier it is to find some sense of community among a group that shares this one interest irrespecive of their very dissimilar backgrounds.

interesting ......... and true .........

[Sean]

Mensch, well well well, we agree on something for once, and perhaps the other denizens here are not so far above me on the normality scale, as they might put it. And yes, Europe is cliquey.

[MishaK]

Mensch, well well well, we agree on something for once, and perhaps the other denizens here are not so far above me on the normality scale, as they might put it. And yes, Europe is cliquey.

No, Sean. Not fitting in is not abnormal. It's how you react to that.

[Sean]

No, Sean. Not fitting in is not abnormal. It's how you react to that.

Not fitting is not abnormal? I would say fitting in is very normal indeed, in fact there'd be no normality without it.

To be honest it took me something over 30 years to both feel myself and relate to others fully, and there are many times when it's still impossible. When I'm with others there's seething complexity and richness going on in my mind over how to react and understand them, but these days I don't get distracted by it and instead see through it somewhat to find a sense of rightness.

People who just get on in this world don't do so because they've considered in detail the contradictions and tensions around them, and then cleverly decided what they're going to do- they get on because they can't really think to begin with and just follow norms. They were never going to have a problem, never going to unsettle anyone, never going to say anything controversial or rock any boats etc.