Marriage

[ezodisy]

my freedom is over! 

Congratulations Florestan. That's rather true. Though you may also find that if you're in love and the marriage somehow ends, your freedom may actually end after the divorce, not before. It is not the easiest thing to explain, so be careful. Legally I've been married over 7 years now. There are probably two types of marriage: those who pay before sitting down and eating, and those who sit down, eat, smoke and then consider paying. I am of the latter sort, and consequently and to smite the face of logic there have been more offs than ons over the years. But when it works it tends to burn, indelibly, so goodluck, and as that German cur said, do not forget the whip.

But "the wife" is vulgar.

PW quite likely is taking the piss. That, or his use of it would tend to confirm online characteristics, so we are not discounting anything at this stage. Keep selling.

[Florestan]

Thank you all, ladies and gentlemen! I'll keep in mind your advices.

Anne, I'm sorry for your husband. May he rest in peace.

[karlhenning]

Congratulations, Andrei!  God give you both joy!

[knight66]

Really??? I refer to my wife as "THE WIFE" all the time when talking about her with a third party. It is really more for convenience. Let's face it does anyone else care what your wife's name is.

Possibly the lover she took because she felt objectified by the husband.

Mike

[SonicMan46]

Hello, Andrei - Congratulations & good luck to you both - as for myself, 38 years last July!    Dave

[Lilas Pastia]

Speaking of manners , I should have started by offering my congratulaitons to the newlyweds . Proficiat !

[knight66]

Me too! Congrats.

Mike

[adamdavid80]

Possibly the lover she took because she felt objectified by the husband.

Mike

...ouch!

[Florestan]

Thank you, guys!

[adamdavid80]

Thank you, guys!

Hey, you know, calling us "guys" is totally demeaning.  We have names, okay?  Would you call your spouse "the wife"?

SHEESH!   

[Anne]

Thanks, Florestan.  I hope you will be very happy in your marriage.  Just remember - "Don't let the sun go down upon your anger."  Maybe you will show us some pictures afterwords?

[M forever]

My husband used to refer to me as his "better half."  I thought he was a very smart husband!   

He died of a heart attack 2 1/2 years ago.  We had been married 38 years.

Man, that is really sad.  That's almost as long as I am old. How do you cope with such a loss?

[M forever]

Really??? I refer to my wife as "THE WIFE" all the time when talking about her with a third party. It is really more for convenience. Let's face it does anyone else care what your wife's name is.

Depends. Mostly on the context. The question is, since you are Chinese American, are the "roles" in your marriage distributed according to Chinese or American ideas? Probably the former. You have gone on the record here with generalized, condescending statements about women enough times to suggest that it is more you who doesn't care if anyone else knows what "the wife's" name is than your extended environment (meaning Americans with different backgrounds, such as European). Would it be correct to say that Chinese ideas about the roles of men and women in marriage are still very much leaning towards completely subordinating the woman to the man?

[Joe_Campbell]

Hopefully, the roles your presume are his alone, if anyone's.

[PerfectWagnerite]

Depends. Mostly on the context. The question is, since you are Chinese American, are the "roles" in your marriage distributed according to Chinese or American ideas? Probably the former. You have gone on the record here with generalized, condescending statements about women enough times to suggest that it is more you who doesn't care if anyone else knows what "the wife's" name is than your extended environment (meaning Americans with different backgrounds, such as European). Would it be correct to say that Chinese ideas about the roles of men and women in marriage are still very much leaning towards completely subordinating the woman to the man?

Well neither she nor I ever think that "the wife" has a derogatory connotation. I have been in this country since I was 9 or 10 and this is the first time someone pointed it out. In any case we speak Chinese with one another and "the wife" and "my wife" translates into the same thing.

[M forever]

Do you see the "roles" of men and women in marriage and society as completely equal, or do you think think women and their interests should be subordinate to the man and his interests in marriage and in society in general?

BTW, that you weren't born here means that you can't become President. Sorry you have to hear it from me.

Hopefully, the roles your presume are his alone, if anyone's.

Really silly comment coming from one of our very "religious" friends here who wants to legally regulate highly intimate aspects of women's lives. Nobody here wants to regulate role models. We are just discussing them.

[PerfectWagnerite]

Do you see the "roles" of men and women in marriage and society as completely equal, or do you think think women and their interests should be subordinate to the man and his interests in marriage and in society in general?

Uhhh, that's a complex question that I don't think I can formulate a good answer. But in my case my wife and I both do houseworks, both take care of the kids. It's not like I sit on my ass while she cooks and cleans. So I think in general men and women should do whatever is needed around the house. In fact I think almost everyone I know who are somewhat educated understand their roles as part of a family. My relatives (mainly older folks) who never got out of high school (or junior high school for some of them) tend to sit on their fannies while their wives do all the work and they have to brag about it. My uncle claims he has never changed one diaper even though he has three kids so go figure.

BTW, that you weren't born here means that you can't become President. Sorry you have to hear it from me.

There are lot of positions I can't aspire to, so that naturally does not bother me.

[Joe_Campbell]

Really silly comment coming from one of our very "religious" friends here who wants to legally regulate highly intimate aspects of women's lives. Nobody here wants to regulate role models. We are just discussing them.

You "misunderstood" my post. I was saying that hopefully, if PW actually is the assertions you make of him, he is one of few.

[Novi]

Best wishes!

[M forever]

You "misunderstood" my post. I was saying that hopefully, if PW actually is the assertions you make of him, he is one of few.

What does that mean?