What is the cause of the high divorce rate?

[Josquin des Prez]

I imagine many of the women were optimistic as well, but then after the marriage they find out what the miserable S.O.B. is really like.

Yes, of course it has to be the man's fault. Women cannot possibly be held accountable for anything, like, ever. The real reason women it is women who initiate divorce most of the times is that the laws are skewed entirely on their favor. They get custody of the children almost by default barring extreme situations and with that generally comes alimony as well. Why bother even be married when you can have all the benefits of marriage without any of the responsibilities? Now, the realities of single parent (generally single mother) households are beginning to rear their ugly heads but nobody appears to notice:

http://www.divorcereform.org/crime.html

Society is falling apart because selfish, spoiled women have been made to believe they can have their cake and eat it too. Its a neat deal for the powers to be because not only do the courts get a nice percentage from the proceedings but the family becomes essentially property of the government.

[Bulldog]

I imagine many of the women were optimistic as well, but then after the marriage they find out what the miserable S.O.B. is really like. 

I've never bought the notion that men can hide their true nature until after the wedding.  Somtimes people make poor decisions that insightful observation would have negated.

[greg]

Have your 20's be your "ME" years.  Don't rush.  Wait until you are in your 30's to get married and have children.

0:)

[ChamberNut]

The inability to compromise is the biggest reason for the high divorce rate.  Technically, I could be wrong, but I'd bet my house I'm pretty damn close.

[Bulldog]

Have your 20's be your "ME" years.  Don't rush.  Wait until you are in your 30's to get married and have children.

I don't subscribe to the chronological age theory.  Different persons mature at different rates.  

[karlhenning]

I don't subscribe to the chronological age theory.  Different persons mature at different rates.  

The underlying idea of "get over The Me Period," though . . . .

[Josquin des Prez]

The underlying idea of "get over The Me Period," though . . . .

If a woman could get over the "me" period she would no longer be a woman. The me is a feminine state of being, the I being the masculine.

[Dana]

I dunno... I think I'm pretty tough to get over...

[karlhenning]

Sometimes, a pronoun is just a pronoun.

[Joe Barron]

Speaking as one who has been divorced twice (and has no intention of remarrying), I would say that people get divorced because they can. As a legal matter, divorce is no longer as onerous as it once was, and it no longer carries the social stigma it once did. (It used to be a given, for  example, that a divorced man could never become president.) We are an opportunistic species, and if an out presents itself, it makes more sense to take it rather than remain in a position that has become unbearable. It might not be a question of solipsism or the collapse of civilization, as Cato proposes. The durability of unhappy marriages in the past was not necessarily proof of greater commitment. Once you made a mistake, you were stuck with it, and you made the best of it with clandestine affairs, separate rooms and plain old bickering. The history books are full of failed marriages that went on much too long.

[Joe Barron]

Sometimes, a pronoun is just a pronoun.

And a cigar is just a cigar.

[ChamberNut]

And a cigar is just a cigar.

[Josquin des Prez]

Speaking as one who has been divorced twice (and has no intention of remarrying), I would say that people get divorced because they can. As a legal matter, divorce is no longer as onerous as it once was, and it no longer carries the social stigma it once did. (It used to be a given, for  example, that a divorced man could never become president.) We are an opportunistic species, and if an out presents itself, it makes more sense to take it rather than remain in a position that has become unbearable. It might not be a question of solipsism or the collapse of civilization, as Cato proposes. The durability of unhappy marriages in the past was not necessarily proof of greater commitment. Once you made a mistake, you were stuck with it, and you made the best of it with clandestine affairs, separate rooms and plain old bickering. The history books are full of failed marriages that went on much too long.

No where in this there is any mention of family. There in lies the problem me thinks. Somebody riddle me this: why bother get married in the first place?

[Joe Barron]

No where in this there is any mention of family. There in lies the problem me thinks. Somebody riddle me this: why bother get married in the first place?

Not every couple produces or can produce children. And the interest of children are not necessarily served by the parents staying together.


Marriage today what is what in the business world would be called a high-risk partnership. The failure rate may be high, but the successes are that much greater. See Marriage: A History by Stephanie Coontz.

[Dana]

No where in this there is any mention of family. There in lies the problem me thinks.

      In the Time Magazine article at the beginning of the thread, most of the article concerned changing perception of marriage in America, asking questions like "is marriage actually necessary if the family unit exists," and noting that kids from two-parent households generally out-perform kids from single-parent households. It doesn't really talk about why the institution of marriage has apparently lost value, beyond answering the question of why infidelity occurs - which has already been answered innumerable times.

      Is the concept of marriage separable from the concept of family? While the article doesn't actually provide the follow through, it sure looks like it's saying that that separation is the sources of marital discontent.

[ChamberNut]

      In the Time Magazine article at the beginning of the thread, most of the article concerned changing perception of marriage in America, asking questions like "is marriage actually necessary if the family unit exists," and noting that kids from two-parent households generally out-perform kids from single-parent households.

So, a kid that has two parents who absolutely despize each other stay together for the sake of the children, and abuse is going on?  I have a hard time believing kids growing up in this environment would perform better than if the parents split up.

[Dana]

      Dude, chill out. It's a generalization. Note the use of the word "generally." I don't think your proposed scenario would be considered typical.

[Joe Barron]

     Is the concept of marriage separable from the concept of family? While the article doesn't actually provide the follow through, it sure looks like it's saying that that separation is the sources of marital discontent.

No, what they[re saying is that the separation is the a source of divorce. Discontent is different issue. The point of my first post was that you can be discontented and still stay together. It's a fallacy that marriages lasted in the odl days because they were successfui.

The premise of Coontz's book, mentioned above, is that marriage has become personally more fulfilling (that is, among those who are successful at it) while losing its value as a social institution. It has only been withing the last couple hundred years, she says, that marrying for "love" has become common.  So I would guess the answer is yes. Marriage, as a human institution, is adaptable and can be separated from family or just about anything else. I think the surest way to kill it would be to insist that it function as it did a hundred years ago.

I also have trouble with regarding children as little more than academic performance units,  but that's a question for an education thread ...

[Josquin des Prez]

So, a kid that has two parents who absolutely despize each other stay together for the sake of the children, and abuse is going on?  I have a hard time believing kids growing up in this environment would perform better than if the parents split up.

You don't seem to understand what statistics are made of. You might want to consult a dictionary.

[ChamberNut]

You don't seem to understand what statistics are made of. You might want to consult a dictionary.

I made the comment, specifically to emphasize that regardless of statistics, they do not tell the whole story.  You know that as well as anyone else JdP.