The Dating Thread

[ibanezmonster]

Greg, let them just talk. You're a true man, Rinaldo and Ken aren't as they show. You know what's best for you.

Liposuction isn't a problem at all, when you wanted to do it on your stomach, it would be an issue (do you agree?), but under your chin it's an other thing. Be sure you do it by a good surgeon. So that one can't see that you have letting done it.

You can just tell girls you let have done liposuction, there's nothing to hide. It's rather cool than insecure.

Modern times, Rinaldo, Ken.

Hehe. For now I'll just keep a bit of stubble under/around it, which helps a lot. At this point I'm hardly bothered by it.

But yeah, I'd definitely do it eventually. And it's not such a big deal like what an aunt did before, which was a similar thing and she had a 10% chance of dying! And when she got it done, she said it was the best thing she ever did for herself.

Isn't that a problem for you?? I would go mad in a long relationship. Maybe you have chosen the wrong woman? She thought she couldn't get Pitt or Clooney, so she ended up with some poor guy.  

I would feel the same way.

Good for whoever gets lucky enough to land someone that is completely out of their league, but I would just be wondering "why?"

[Rinaldo]

It's you, not Greg, who actually compares with film stars..

I would feel the same way. Good for whoever gets lucky enough to land someone that is completely out of their league, but I would just be wondering "why?"

I'm afraid you guys misunderstood my point. I wasn't comparing anything but giving an example how attractiveness doesn't adhere to some universal norm. And I wasn't talking about 'leagues' (a concept that's mostly bullshit if you ask me) either - I was simply surprised that this particular woman, who seemed to be going for very different type of guys than I was, would find me hot.

[ibanezmonster]

I'm afraid you guys misunderstood my point. I wasn't comparing anything but giving an example how attractiveness doesn't adhere to some universal norm. And I wasn't talking about 'leagues' (a concept that's mostly bullshit if you ask me) either - I was simply surprised that this particular woman, who seemed to be going for very different type of guys than I was, would find me hot.

Okay, gotcha. Makes sense.

(btw, I do agree about the "leagues" thing)

[jochanaan]

Okay, guys, here's a reminder: Women (at least the kind of women who make good dates and mates) like character.  They may get hot and swoony over movie stars (and so do we!), but they stay with men who treat them well and whose company they enjoy.  Looks are secondary at best in that equation.  (And isn't that what we like too, when we strip away our culturally conditioned likes and dislikes?)

Now, Greg, my mother gave me some excellent advice once about asking for a date.  She said, ask nonchalantly, off-the-cuff.  (You may have rehearsed what you say endlessly, but it should sound off-the cuff--which, as actors know, often does take endless rehearsal. )  It should NOT sound like it's a life-or-death thing for you; that scares the lady away.

I've also found that it's good for the first date to have something very specific to go to, like a movie or a play or even a new restaurant, and it should be something that she would enjoy even if you were not with her.

Finding out what she enjoys, of course, takes observation and research!  For example, if you hear her mention a music group that's coming through town, find out on your own exactly when and where they're playing, how much the tickets cost, the whole program.  Then, next time you see her, casually ask what she's doing that night, then ask, "Would you like me to get tickets?"  That's just an example, of course, but such an approach works wonders.  It shows you can do your homework, it shows interest in her interests, and it demonstrates a level of competence that most women find attractive.

[ibanezmonster]

Now, Greg, my mother gave me some excellent advice once about asking for a date.  She said, ask nonchalantly, off-the-cuff.  (You may have rehearsed what you say endlessly, but it should sound off-the cuff--which, as actors know, often does take endless rehearsal. )  It should NOT sound like it's a life-or-death thing for you; that scares the lady away.

Exactly. That's why I'm glad I figured out a way to ask nonchalantly. And I'm thankful that the girls that have asked me have done the same, because if they asked directly and I had to say no that would be extremely uncomfortable and awkward.

[ibanezmonster]

I should have asked last time I saw her. Would have been so easy, but wasn't thinking.

She was complaining about asking out two other guys at work and getting rejected by both and asking if she's really that repulsive to guys (sounds like me a few months ago  ). I'll just say that if I were [guy that she asked], I would definitely be interested and they're crazy for not thinking the same way. If she says nothing to that, it would be safe to assume that she's not interested, right?


I give myself a 30% chance of a good outcome... sorry, this is what my intuition says and it's almost always scarily accurate... 

[Mirror Image]

I should have asked last time I saw her. Would have been so easy, but wasn't thinking.

She was complaining about asking out two other guys at work and getting rejected by both and asking if she's really that repulsive to guys (sounds like me a few months ago  ). I'll just say that if I were [guy that she asked], I would definitely be interested and they're crazy for not thinking the same way. If she says nothing to that, it would be safe to assume that she's not interested, right?


I give myself a 30% chance of a good outcome... sorry, this is what my intuition says and it's almost always scarily accurate... 

Oh jeez....

[ibanezmonster]

Oh jeez....

Oh yeah, I should write a heartfelt letter and kneel down while I read it to her in public. That's more your style, after all.

[Mirror Image]

Oh yeah, I should write a heartfelt letter and kneel down while I read it to her in public. That's more your style, after all.

At least my style actually requires me to tell a woman how I feel about her regardless of the outcome. You simply don't have the courage to be straight up and honest with her. Besides we're not talking about me, we're talking about you and your failure to communicate.

[ibanezmonster]

At least my style actually requires me to tell a woman how I feel about her regardless of the outcome. You simply don't have the courage to be straight up and honest with her. Besides we're not talking about me, we're talking about you and your failure to communicate.

I'm with jochanaan on this one.

You have to think about how the other person feels. Save the feelings for when you are actually in the relationship. Like I said before, the last girl that asked me out did it perfectly because she made me laugh in the process. I didn't have to directly say no for her to get the gist that I'm not interested, and it was all good. If she went on talking about feelings and asked me very directly, it would have been a terrible experience for us both. I'd almost feel guilty of a crime or something. Likewise, I think guys that propose to their girlfriends on live TV are just total douchebags. If she doesn't say yes, she'll disappoint everyone watching and embarrass the guy in front of thousands of people. Just pointless.

But, do whatever you wanna do and I'll do what I wanna do...

[Henk]

I should have asked last time I saw her. Would have been so easy, but wasn't thinking.

She was complaining about asking out two other guys at work and getting rejected by both and asking if she's really that repulsive to guys (sounds like me a few months ago  ). I'll just say that if I were [guy that she asked], I would definitely be interested and they're crazy for not thinking the same way. If she says nothing to that, it would be safe to assume that she's not interested, right?


I give myself a 30% chance of a good outcome... sorry, this is what my intuition says and it's almost always scarily accurate... 

Actually no. She understand you, but she can't say now that she wants to date with you. You close the door with this behaviour. You lower yourself, you say actually that you have less quality than other guys and you can't be with her, like you were of a lower caste (league). You act like a slave. You make a comedian of yourself. You give her the feeling she can't ask you because of this. You insult her by this.

Be more creative. Be more romantic. Say: "but when I ask you, would that all be different?". Something to laugh indeed, but in a romantic way. That _opens_ doors. Send her a postcard the other day.

But do it your way. I'm giving my tricks away. Hopefully it makes you think in more fruitful ways.

[Mirror Image]

I'm with jochanaan on this one.

You have to think about how the other person feels. Save the feelings for when you are actually in the relationship. Like I said before, the last girl that asked me out did it perfectly because she made me laugh in the process. I didn't have to directly say no for her to get the gist that I'm not interested, and it was all good. If she went on talking about feelings and asked me very directly, it would have been a terrible experience for us both. I'd almost feel guilty of a crime or something. Likewise, I think guys that propose to their girlfriends on live TV are just total douchebags. If she doesn't say yes, she'll disappoint everyone watching and embarrass the guy in front of thousands of people. Just pointless.

But, do whatever you wanna do and I'll do what I wanna do...

Goodness gracious me! Greg, I'm NOT saying get down on one knee and propose to the woman nor am I saying you should write her a poem and read it aloud to her. You're really making a mountain out of a molehill here. All I'm saying is you should tell her how you feel which goes something like this: "Hey (insert name of woman here), I think you're a really cool person and we seem to have a lot in common. Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?" Pretty simple, right? Apparently it's not for you, because, again, you can't even muster up the courage to ask her. You really should stop making excuses and take some chances. If you get rejected, move onto another woman.

[ibanezmonster]

Goodness gracious me! Greg, I'm NOT saying get down on one knee and propose to the woman nor am I saying you should write her a poem and read it aloud to her. You're really making a mountain out of a molehill here. All I'm saying is you should tell her how you feel which goes something like this: "Hey (insert name of woman here), I think you're a really cool person and we seem to have a lot in common. Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?" Pretty simple, right? Apparently it's not for you, because, again, you can't even muster up the courage to ask her. You really should stop making excuses and take some chances. If you get rejected, move onto another woman.

Actually no. She understand you, but she can't say now that she wants to date with you. You close the door with this behaviour. You lower yourself, you say actually that you have less quality than other guys and you can't be with her, like you were of a lower caste (league). You act like a slave. You make a comedian of yourself. You give her the feeling she can't ask you because of this. You insult her by this.

Be more creative. Be more romantic. Say: "but when I ask you, would that all be different?". Something to laugh indeed, but in a romantic way. That _opens_ doors. Send her a postcard the other day.

But do it your way. I'm giving my tricks away. Hopefully it makes you think in more fruitful ways.

Okay, I think I understand what you both are saying. But as Henk says, I have to do it my own way. (For example, dinner is a tricky thing with our schedules).

Hm, I'll just have to think of a better way to ask that's a bit more direct but not nerve-racking.

[ibanezmonster]

btw, I wish there were someone else I could move onto if this doesn't work out. This girl is literally the only girl I've ever liked that is also single in my entire life (excluding the girl I liked 9 years ago in high school, but I was a different person back then, so I wouldn't count that)...

[Henk]

Okay, I think I understand what you both are saying. But as Henk says, I have to do it my own way. (For example, dinner is a tricky thing with our schedules).

Hm, I'll just have to think of a better way to ask that's a bit more direct but not nerve-racking.

It's a bloody necessity, Greg!

[Henk]

btw, I wish there were someone else I could move onto if this doesn't work out. This girl is literally the only girl I've ever liked that is also single in my entire life (excluding the girl I liked 9 years ago in high school, but I was a different person back then, so I wouldn't count that)...

Be happy with this chance, Greg. Don't think about other ones, you should only have her on your mind.

[Henk]

I should have asked last time I saw her. Would have been so easy, but wasn't thinking.

She was complaining about asking out two other guys at work and getting rejected by both and asking if she's really that repulsive to guys (sounds like me a few months ago  ). I'll just say that if I were [guy that she asked], I would definitely be interested and they're crazy for not thinking the same way. If she says nothing to that, it would be safe to assume that she's not interested, right?


I give myself a 30% chance of a good outcome... sorry, this is what my intuition says and it's almost always scarily accurate... 

Your whole mindset is wrong. If you think in this way you think in failures, not in success.

When you take your own failuring behaviour into account, it's not difficult. But you can do something about it, so this is just something that makes you think you don't need to change something, like you're the best lover in the world already and something other is to blame.

[ibanezmonster]

So maybe I'll just stick to being straightforward at first and then if she says no I'll go on about how the guys that weren't interested in her are crazy. Just something, anything so there's no awkward silence.

What about, "So I have a question for you. Would you be surprised if I told you I liked you?" and proceed to say how she'd be a great girlfriend/date/whatever or maybe just ask if she'd be interested in dating me. Idk, just an idea for now... easy to tell I'm not good at this. 

[Mirror Image]

So maybe I'll just stick to being straightforward at first and then if she says no I'll go on about how the guys that weren't interested in her are crazy. Just something, anything so there's no awkward silence.

What about, "So I have a question for you. Would you be surprised if I told you I liked you?" and proceed to say how she'd be a great girlfriend/date/whatever or maybe just ask if she'd be interested in dating me. Idk, just an idea for now... easy to tell I'm not good at this. 

Sounds good, Greg. Go for it!

[ibanezmonster]

I have to say... this may sound ridiculous, but finding out that out of any given 20 guys you are going to be the biggest is sort of changing how I'm looking at women right now...