What is the cause of the high divorce rate?

[abidoful]

Huh? Since when?

Well, relationsihps; that's plural. So unless the relationship ended in your partners death, that wasn't very succesfull relationship if it ended.

[Scarpia]

Well, relationsihps; that's plural. So unless the relationship ended in your partners death, that wasn't very succesfull relationship if it ended.

So by your definition O.J. Simpson had a very successful relationship with his wife Nicole Brown Simpson?

[abidoful]

So by your definition O.J. Simpson had a very successful relationship with his wife Nicole Brown Simpson?

Duh----no he did not. 

[MishaK]

Well, relationsihps; that's plural. So unless the relationship ended in your partners death, that wasn't very succesfull relationship if it ended.

Are you just trying to be obtuse? Let me spell it out: Someone who has had trouble maintaining a long term relationship has little business giving advice on how to do just that.

[abidoful]

Are you just trying to be obtuse? Let me spell it out: Someone who has had trouble maintaining a long term relationship has little business giving advice on how to do just that.

[abidoful]

Yes, I got the "message".

But IMO you are just being plain rude; I was sharing  my own experience on the matter (in the style of, "been there, seen that") and you come and throw it on my face...?

See, I broke off with my ex and that hurt, for a long time. So all I'm saying  it's TERRIBLE, don't do that. Decide to commit yourself and get married and dont have sex before you can commit yourself to a marriage or otherwise stay a bachelor. I'm not perfect and that's exactly why you should take my advise; don't do the same mistake as I did.

[MishaK]

Yes, I got the "message".

But IMO you are just being plain rude; I was sharing  my own experience on the matter (in the style of, "been there, seen that") and you come and throw it on my face...?

See, I broke off with my ex and that hurt, for a long time. So all I'm saying  it's TERRIBLE, don't do that. Decide to commit yourself and get married and dont have sex before you can commit yourself to a marriage or otherwise stay a bachelor. I'm not perfect and that's exactly why you should take my advise; don't do the same mistake as I did.

I know what you're saying, and I'm not trying to be rude, but you are wilfully misreading my posts. If you are talking about *one* bad relationship you've had, you simply aren't in a position to make judgments or recommendations on the whole issue of human conjugal relationships. The statistician would say that your *one* relationship is an extremely unrepresentative sample from which to draw any meaningful conclusions. Whatever went wrong between the two of you doesn't entitle you to make the sorts of sweeping generalizations that you make. As you've seen from merely the few responses in this thread alone, there are plenty of people who have had completely different experiences than you have.

[Scarpia]

Yes, I got the "message".

But IMO you are just being plain rude; I was sharing  my own experience on the matter (in the style of, "been there, seen that") and you come and throw it on my face...?

See, I broke off with my ex and that hurt, for a long time. So all I'm saying  it's TERRIBLE, don't do that. Decide to commit yourself and get married and dont have sex before you can commit yourself to a marriage or otherwise stay a bachelor. I'm not perfect and that's exactly why you should take my advise; don't do the same mistake as I did.

Did you become super-religious after that bad relationship?

[abidoful]

Did you become super-religious after that bad relationship?

I don't consider myself super-religious but yes, I found God after that relationship.

It's funny but in God I found True Love

[abidoful]

I know what you're saying, and I'm not trying to be rude, but you are wilfully misreading my posts. If you are talking about *one* bad relationship you've had, you simply aren't in a position to make judgments or recommendations on the whole issue of human conjugal relationships. The statistician would say that your *one* relationship is an extremely unrepresentative sample from which to draw any meaningful conclusions. Whatever went wrong between the two of you doesn't entitle you to make the sorts of sweeping generalizations that you make. As you've seen from merely the few responses in this thread alone, there are plenty of people who have had completely different experiences than you have.

Well Mench, my experiences on the matter just (for me) confirms the word of God.
I'm wondering couple of things;

1. If there are only few responses in this thread how can there be at the same time "plenty of people who have had different experience than I have"?
2. What do you mean when you write me "wilfully misreading your posts". I was replying to the original question of this thread.
3. What does exactly title in your opinnion to make "sweeping generalizations"or the right to have an opinnion?

I'm tired of this nitpicking with you- let's end it and let's end it cordially; I don't want to get into a debate that's just too bothersome after long days at work

[Bulldog]

Well Mench, my experiences on the matter just (for me) confirms the word of God.

My experiences confirm that I made a fantastic marriage choice over 40 years ago.  Then again, maybe I just lucked out.

[abidoful]

My experiences confirm that I made a fantastic marriage choice over 40 years ago.  Then again, maybe I just lucked out.

I'm happy for you.

It's good that I didn't get married with my ex; we had so difficult relationship.
Maybe we could have got it working but at that stage we just didn't have any motivation, we were so worn out- both of us.

And it's great to have a life of your own and not the be dependent in the wrong way (in the fashion of neighboring addiction-is there such a word? ) from some one.

[MishaK]

1. If there are only few responses in this thread how can there be at the same time "plenty of people who have had different experience than I have"?

Maybe I wasn't clear: the diversity of opinion and experience among even just the few responses here show that your experience is not representative, because a variety of others are possible. Hence, to draw prescriptive conclusions from your unique experience would be to misdiagnose a large spectrum of human experience that just happens not to have been your personal experience.

2. What do you mean when you write me "wilfully misreading your posts". I was replying to the original question of this thread.

It means you present my position as something that it is not despite my clear statements. E.g., because I argued against religious fundamentalist sexual repression, you automatically assumed I condone the opposite extreme of unrestrained sexual promiscuity, which isn't the case. Of course it's easier to argue against an extreme you find disagreeable than to parse through a nuanced and balanced position that can't be as easily fought with sheer dogma...

3. What does exactly title in your opinnion to make "sweeping generalizations"or the right to have an opinnion?

Nothing. Sweeping generalizations are by nature facile and do injustice to the variety of life out there. Anybody is entitled to an opinion. But if you air it publicly, you have to accept that people will point out the wrong assumptions and holes in your argumentation.

[abidoful]

You have to accept that people will point out the wrong assumptions and holes in your argumentation.

But what was "wrong" in my argumentation? I understand a disagreement but It seems you are  biased couse I mentioned God....And I'm not being dogmatic.  All the problem I had was you saying that I am somehow disqualified to say anything becouse af my breakup

[Mirror Image]

Marriage doesn't mean much these days. There have been couples together for more than 50 years who have never been married. Marriage is a prison. The only way out legally is divorce, whereas if you weren't married, you can just leave. Sounds like a no brainer to me.

[Scarpia]

But what was "wrong" in my argumentation? I understand a disagreement but It seems you are  biased couse I mentioned God....And I'm not being dogmatic.  All the problem I had was you saying that I am somehow disqualified to say anything becouse af my breakup

You had a relationship that ended badly, you adopted a philosophy which said your prior relationship was evil and has (according to your account as I read it) resulted in having no relationships.  It is not clear to me that your new philosophy is a practical improvement.  It sounds like a self-defense mechanism.

[MishaK]

But what was "wrong" in my argumentation? I understand a disagreement but It seems you are  biased couse I mentioned God....And I'm not being dogmatic.  All the problem I had was you saying that I am somehow disqualified to say anything becouse af my breakup

What he said:

You had a relationship that ended badly, you adopted a philosophy which said your prior relationship was evil and has (according to your account as I read it) resulted in having no relationships.  It is not clear to me that your new philosophy is a practical improvement.  It sounds like a self-defense mechanism.

It has nothing to do with a bias against religion. Your argument simply isn't logical. It goes like this:

A. I had a bad relationship.

B. I had premarital sex.

C. Therefore: All sexual relationships outside of marriage are inherently bad.

C does not follow logically from A & B, as illustrated by the fact that many of us here in the forum had and stlil have perfectly wonderful relationships despite having had (or still having) premarital sex. You're jumping from a singular, personal experience to generalizing about the entire human population. It's an inductive logical fallacy known as "hasty generalization". God has got nothing to do with it.

[MishaK]

Marriage is a prison.

Whether or not it is depends on the people involved and what they make of it. If you decorate your home like a prison and put bars in front of the window and lock yourself inside and throw away the key, it IS a prison. But that's your own damn fault. Nobody locked you in there, nor did the house have to be turned into a prison.

[Herman]

BTW, why are you guys always raising your eybrows when ever God is being mentioned? Maybe ypou know better than God then whats good for people? He just meant it for marriage and thats it. The rest is fornication.

Well, that's easy. You introduce an authority which you presume to be infallible. So in essence you're saying (even while you're saying rather dumb and naive things), God thinks just like me, so what's the point of arguing with me?

And I believe there are pretty reliable data indicating marriage or long term relationships work best if there has been some sexual experimentation before making the big commitment. Some people have the appropriate genitals but are not terribly compatible. This doesn't mean sleeping around like there's no tomorrow  -  though I know plenty of cases where these people have eventually married well and happily too.

Life isn't all black or white.

[Mirror Image]

Whether or not it is depends on the people involved and what they make of it. If you decorate your home like a prison and put bars in front of the window and lock yourself inside and throw away the key, it IS a prison. But that's your own damn fault. Nobody locked you in there, nor did the house have to be turned into a prison.

I'm not married and don't intend on marrying. Marriage doesn't mean anything anymore. If you love somebody, then you don't need a piece of paper saying that you do. The only way out of marriage is through lawyers and the legal system. Why put yourself through all the headache? Marriage is a pitfall. You'll understand my point-of-view soon enough.