The Dating Thread

[ibanezmonster]

The first intelligent thing you've ever said on this thread 

Sarge

Lol.
True, though- if a girl likes you and then turns you down because the way they ask you out doesn't sound confident enough, that would be weird.

I got the feeling she didn't really like the first time I asked her out to hang out, back in (I think) around August last year. Which I posted about here...

[ibanezmonster]

You know what. I'm done here. If anyone wants to post about their own dating situations, cool. Renaming the thread and not going to post here any more.

All I'll say is this: living in my conservative Christian household has definitely prevented me from being my true self throughout my life. I can sorta be my true self, but not completely. I'll be more how I really am when I'm out. And don't ask what I mean by that, since I don't feel like explaining.

[Ken B]

You know what. I'm done here. If anyone wants to post about their own dating situations, cool. Renaming the thread and not going to post here any more.

All I'll say is this: living in my conservative Christian household has definitely prevented me from being my true self throughout my life. I can sorta be my true self, but not completely. I'll be more how I really am when I'm out. And don't ask what I mean by that, since I don't feel like explaining.

Whatever you mean is fine with me. As long as you don't mean you're a closet Boulezian.

[Karl Henning]

That's right.  Bring it right out into the open!

[Ken B]

That's right.  Bring it right out into the open!

Why I oughtta ...

[snyprrr]

"Once More Into the Breach, Lads!"

[Mirror Image]

I don't think confidence has anything to do with it. I don't exactly lack it. There's a difference between being confident (which I am) and being confident that someone will like you.

At this point, I'll ask but don't care how I'll go about it. Just next time we hang out, however it comes out. And if she really liked me, it wouldn't matter how I asked.

Confidence certainly has a lot to do with it. If you were confident, then it wouldn't be any skin off your back if she said "no," you simply would just move on and count it as her loss. There's something holding you back from asking her and perhaps, you're right, it might not be lack of confidence, but rather a fear of rejection.

[Mirror Image]

Let me add that I've been rejected so many times that I couldn't possibly keep count, but I'm not giving up. Never give up. She's out there somewhere.

[Artem]

Happiness in this world, when it comes, comes incidentally. Make it the object of pursuit, and it leads us a wild-goose chase, and is never attained. Follow some other object, and very possibly we may find that we have caught happiness without dreaming of it; but likely enough it is gone the moment we say to ourselves, "Here it is!" like the chest of gold that treasure-seekers find.

Hawthorne

[Henk]

Lol.
True, though- if a girl likes you and then turns you down because the way they ask you out doesn't sound confident enough, that would be weird.

True. Also the other way around of course. I wonder how the other guys in this thread got their girlfriends..?

[Henk]

You know what. I'm done here. If anyone wants to post about their own dating situations, cool. Renaming the thread and not going to post here any more. (1)

All I'll say is this: living in my conservative Christian household has definitely prevented me from being my true self throughout my life. I can sorta be my true self, but not completely. I'll be more how I really am when I'm out. And don't ask what I mean by that, since I don't feel like explaining. (2)

(1) Wise decision.
(2) Bad for you. Good you are aware.

[NikF]

True. Also the other way around of course. I wonder how the other guys in this thread got their girlfriends..?

We met the way many people do, at work. Every now and then we'd be on the same job. From the outset we were comfortable together, but as time passed it became obvious there was something good and warm and positive between us. Eventually it led to where we are now.

[Rinaldo]

I wonder how the other guys in this thread got their girlfriends..?

The usual, mundane way: meeting people. A friend's birthday (that's where I met the woman who got me into classical music), a grade school reunion, catching up with a colleague who was having wine with one of his friends..

As for my wife, I was a freelance journalist, she was one of my editors. We met once, had a great talk about work & life & everything, then the next summer, she invited me on a road trip to Lake Constance and I said yes – as did she, two years later.

[Mirror Image]

As for my wife, I was a freelance journalist, she was one of my editors. We met once, had a great talk about work & life & everything, then the next summer, she invited me on a road trip to Lake Constance and I said yes – as did she, two years later.

Wow, you must have made quite the impression on her for her to invite you (out of the blue?) on that road trip. Did anyone else go with you guys or did you go alone?

[Sergeant Rock]

I wonder how the other guys in this thread got their girlfriends..?

The highlights (the major women or milestones in my life and the age I was when I met them):

First girlfriend (age 14): I met her at band camp. She was in the saxophone section too. We hung out in a group situation (she liked my jokes) and then, a week later after school started, I offered to carry her books home for her. Really Old School date, pun intended    Our "relationship" lasted about three weeks, never got beyond necking and petting.

First real date (age 16) after I'd gotten my driver's license: I asked another band member (trumpet this time) to go to the Homecoming Dance. She accepted. We discovered during the course of the evening that we had absolutely nothing in common.

First serious girlfriend (age 17): We were in a school play together, (one-act play competition), the leads. We got to know each other in the course of rehearsals. She eventually asked me to a dance and we hit it off. We lasted six months, until she graduated high school and went to a distant college. But over the next five years we dated sporadically when we were both in town. Eventually we married (the marriage lasted four years).

The first real love of my life (age 18): another band member (another trumpet player) and a cheerleader. One of the most popular girls in school, cute, smart (National Honor Society). She said yes when I asked her to the Christmas Ball. We lasted 16 months. The relationship didn't survive the separation after I left for university.

After the cheerleader and I broke up, I asked my best friend at OU to dinner. We had a great time but when I kissed her at the end of the evening, we both laughed. We were too deep in the friend zone at that point to make a romantic relationship work. The attempt, though, did no harm to our friendship. In fact, we're still friends today.

The horn player (age 19): During the summer session at Ohio U, taking a music theory class, I often noticed an attractive but profoundly sad looking woman carrying a French horn case around the music building. Three weeks after first noticing her, I just happened to see her break up with her boyfriend (who I discovered later was the concertmaster of the university orchestra). She walked past me in tears. I followed her, asked her if she needed help and struck up a conversation with her. After talking to her for 15 minutes, I asked her on a date: a walk to the duck pond on the other side of the campus  Unbelievably, she accepted. The remainder of the summer was pure magic. She was a wonder: probably the most interesting, fascinating really, woman I've ever known. During the break between summer and fall quarters, I went home and dated...

....the most beautiful woman I've ever known: She was the best friend of my best friend's girlfriend. They arranged our first date to the Cedar Point Amusement Park. Not a blind date--we'd met before. We saw each other sporadically that fall (our schedules conflicted and our universities were 200 mile apart). Our last date (dinner and a drive-in movie) ended with, not a bang but a whimper. We just had no chemistry. But god, was she lovely.

Back at OU my relationship with the horn player ended catastrophically. I was so devastated I quit going to class, didn't take finals. Two months later I joined the army. My first assignment after training was with the 7th Infantry Division on the DMZ in Korea. In the village next to the Zone I met a woman in a tailor shop. Measuring my inseam for a pair of pants gave me an opening to engage her in conversation    When I returned the next week to pick up my items, I asked her to dinner. She accepted. We were together six months.

After my first marriage ended (age 26), I dated two female soldiers in Germany. One was in my unit. We'd flirted jokingly before my marriage ended but after it did, she got serious. She asked me out and then I asked her to spend a weekend with me at a friend's apartment in Strasbourg France. It went well but there was nothing there except the physical. Another soldier I met at a U of Maryland class on base was more intellectually interesting. I asked her to my apartment for a home cooked steak dinner. She said yes. It turned out though she was more interested in the meat than me    We only lasted a month. That's when a friend's wife came to my rescue....

...she knew a young German woman, her landlord's daughter, who loved classical music too. She hosted a party where she introduced me to the woman. We only spoke briefly but I liked her. I showed up at her house the next day, with the Berlioz Requiem in hand instead of flowers and candy    I asked her to go to a Mahler 2 concert and she accepted. 20 months later she became Mrs. Rock.

The point here: you just have to be bold (or be so darn attractive yourself that girls will ask you out  ). Ask and you shall receive...sometimes (I recall with great pain too the failed attempts, the girls who said no, or even hell no!).

Sarge

[jochanaan]

True. Also the other way around of course. I wonder how the other guys in this thread got their girlfriends..?

A mutual friend introduced me to my lady.  I "got" her simply by being me.  She "got" me by being completely open about herself.  She's passed away now, and I miss her, but it was a joy to be with her.

[Ken B]

....the most beautiful woman I've ever known: ... Our last date (dinner and a drive-in movie) ended with, not a bang but a whimper. We just had no chemistry. But god, was she lovely.

Sigh. When I was 30 I asked out the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. To my surprise she accepted and even seemed pleased. But ... no chemistry. Largely my fault, because she was so absurdly beautiful it's hard to be natural, but also because she was 21. I found her too unformed, and I think she found me rather dull and awkward. But god, was she lovely.

[ibanezmonster]

(or be so darn attractive yourself that girls will ask you out  ).

That certainly helps.

[Rinaldo]

Wow, you must have made quite the impression on her for her to invite you (out of the blue?) on that road trip. Did anyone else go with you guys or did you go alone?

Not really, she just had a crush on me (and always liked my articles, so she knew I wasn't a total buffoon). We came from such different backgrounds that neither of us seriously thought about getting together, but there was definitely some chemistry, and we talked about meeting again for a coffee or something, so it wasn't totally out of the blue. Plus, she's quite the adventurous type, diving headfirst into ideas others (like me, for example) would hesitate to realize. So we went alone, both a little unsure of what the other's intentions are.

The point here: you just have to be bold

This. I used to be very shy in my early twenties, and there was this girl that would be a serious contender in my version of the 'most beautiful woman in the world' category. I was enamored by her and although being in a relationship back then kept me at a distance, I wouldn't dare to ask her out even if I wasn't. How could such a princess like a freak like me? We were good friends, went to the movies together, had a lot of laughs, but that was it. Guess what? Years later, when we randomly met, she mentioned how she was secretly in love with me and never made a move because I wasn't single. If there was a thunder heard all around the world at that moment, it was the majestic D'OH that went through my brain.

Sure, the dismissals can be awkward and the bad ones do sting quite a bit. But there are much tougher challenges in life than hearing 'no' from a person you're interested in.

[Sergeant Rock]

Sigh. When I was 30 I asked out the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. To my surprise she accepted and even seemed pleased. But ... no chemistry. Largely my fault, because she was so absurdly beautiful it's hard to be natural, but also because she was 21. I found her too unformed, and I think she found me rather dull and awkward. But god, was she lovely.

Strange, isn't it. I still can't explain why there was no heat even though we obviously liked each other, and were interested in each other. The relationship went nowhere. We were the same age so we didn't have your problem with the age difference. She was a devout Catholic (and I wasn't...Catholic or devout) and she wanted a half dozen kids...but at the point, considering her physical attributes, I was willing to embrace the papish 

Sarge