Identity crisis! Who am I?

[amw]

Yes, in general anything that's more than about a hundred years old becomes "classical music" by default regardless of who it was originally written for. Thus why we nowadays get music by Scott Joplin and Victor Herbert and Kurt Weill from Naxos and CPO and MDG, rather than Universal etc.

[Szykneij]

Classical music is not better than non-classical music, or more interesting, or more complex, etc. It's just another genre. Like all other types of music, it only exists to provide various forms of entertainment (sensual, emotional, spiritual, cathartic, psychological, analytical). If you are not entertained, don't listen to it.

I agree. Sometimes, because this is a forum where musical discussion takes place, the importance of music's affective power isn't fully recognized – which to me, is the number one factor in what I listen to.

I started playing violin in elementary school at the same time Beatlemania was taking hold, so I was being exposed to (and enjoying) classical music and rock and roll at the same time. I also saw and heard Liberace and Arthur Godfrey on the shows my mother watched on TV and would watch Ed Sullivan every week with my father. My sister, who was older than me, played her own music on the record player. To me, it was all good.

In high school, I switched to string bass, which was my major instrument in college. This afforded me the opportunity to perform just about every style of music, either on double bass or electric. So I've played in full and string orchestras, wind orchestras, wedding bands, polka bands, Top 40 bands, and Rock bands and got to appreciate all of those genres from a player's perspective. In just about every situation, I encountered musical snobs who thought their music was the only music that was worthwhile and felt sorry for them. Their capacity to enjoy was limited.

These days, I listed to what happens to call to me at the time. While I can appreciate the genius of great masterworks, I don't always feel like experiencing them at the moment. Sometimes, a Monkees tune or a Dave Brubeck piece is what I feel like hearing. At other times, I'm in a Corelli mood. Too me, it's all good.

[Florestan]

Classical music is not better than non-classical music, or more interesting, or more complex

It is.

[71 dB]

Have you ever considered looking for professional help? How about family & friends?

I am not depressed the way you think. I just get my joy/happiness elsewhere. I love exploring movies on Blu-ray. I enjoy thinking about deep things such as does the Quantum Holonomy Theory mean all laws of nature are an result of the non-commutative nature of multiplication in Quaternion arithmetic (e.g. ij = - ji) ? I enjoy music including some classical music, but not in the same way I used to when classical music was new to me. I enjoy learning music theory and making music. Currently I am composing a "jazzy" piece of music based on 2-5-1 progression. I have learned that it takes me a lot of time and effort (probably because of asperger) to learn music theory, but even I can learn it if I put some effort on it! I also enjoy the content of many Youtubers.

The US politic has been very exhausting for me. It was a really bad choice for me to get into US politics after Trumps victory in 2016 to understand why Hillary lost. That really opened the can of worms for me and I have hated those worms I didn't know even existed. I have witnessed some Youtubers go from normal rational/balanced dudes to totally brainwashed right-wing lunatics in just two years because Trump managed to kill the fact based World and threw gasoline into the flames of the cultural war. In 2016 I lost my job. In 2017 I had pipe renovation in my house. In 2018 I lost my mother. 2019 was little better (a member of my favorite music band died and my AV amp broke), but 2020 gave us all Covid-19 to enjoy. So the last 5 years or so haven't been great in my life. As if all of that crap wasn't enough, Brexit makes online shopping harder. I wouldn't care at all if Poland left EU, but UK leaving is a real hit, because I used to order mostly from UK. Germany is becoming my new default country of online orders.

I don't understand social media. I am not on social media flatforms myself unless discussion forums like this one are counted. That makes me feel an outsider. The World has transformed into a place where people collect "followers" and "likes." Who the hell would follow me? What are people like me (unattractive anti-social introverts) supposed to do in this superficial World? I can't take "hot" selfies of myself and post them on social media. Even BEFORE social media was a thing I felt dfferent and an outsider. Social media has made that 10 times worse. I feel totally unfit to the World and that is a huge mental block to even get a job.

Luckily I have developped ways to keep my spirit up so I am somewhat ok. I wish I also had my big classical music collection on my side.

[steve ridgway]

My main concern is my classical music collection. It's devastating to see 90 % of it become "useless" just because the music does so little for me and I don't even have a clue if it's temporary of permanent loss. I feel my psyche in relation to classical music is broken, but it's not only classical music. It's the World in general. I feel the World and I have so little in common these days. Maybe classical music is just collateral damage? Maybe straightforward pop music just speaks better to a cynical, tired and disappointed mind?

I wouldn't get rid of the classical music just yet. I've become bored with all sorts over the years but have come back to them sometimes decades later and enjoyed them again. I still like most of the music I've bought in my lifetime.

I don't feel a real part of human society nowadays either, there's so much deception and manipulation going on, but it's not necessarily a bad thing to take more of an objective, outsider view, take responsibility for your own existence and state of mind. It could be you just need something simple, undemanding and non-intellectual for a while.

[Florestan]

It could be you just need something simple, undemanding and non-intellectual for a while.

Tons of those within "classical" music.

[pjme]

I am not depressed the way you think.
I just get my joy/happiness elsewhere.
I love exploring ....
I enjoy music including some classical music,....
I enjoy learning music theory and making music.
...it takes me a lot of time and effort (probably because of asperger)
I also enjoy the content of many Youtubers.

The US politics .....was a really bad choice for me to get into...
In 2016 I lost my job.
In 2017 I had pipe renovation in my house.
In 2018 I lost my mother.
2019 was little better...
2020 gave us all Covid-19...
....
I don't understand social media....
That makes me feel an outsider.
The World has transformed into a place where people collect "followers" and "likes."
Who the hell would follow me? What are people like me (unattractive anti-social introverts)
I felt different and an outsider....
I feel totally unfit to the World and that is a huge mental block to even get a job.
....
Luckily I have developed ways to keep my spirit up so I am somewhat ok.

Pro & contra....But : Is "somewhat Ok" enough for you?
Some kind of therapy just might help. Would it be worth a try or -at least - some exploration?
Regards,
Peter

[Brian]

Yes, in general anything that's more than about a hundred years old becomes "classical music" by default regardless of who it was originally written for. Thus why we nowadays get music by Scott Joplin and Victor Herbert and Kurt Weill from Naxos and CPO and MDG, rather than Universal etc.

I think there's a joke in Futurama where Fry puts on the song "Big Butts" and everyone goes, "ugh, why are we listening to classical music?"

[DavidW]

So, recently I have been listening to Air Supply, but also Carly Simon, King Crimson, Herbie Hancock and some other pop bands. Occationally I try classical music, but it sounds dull! What's going on? I feel like finding out I am not a fan of classical music. Sure, I can enjoy classical music, but it's so far from what classical music meant to me 20 years ago.

Uh... so what?  Part of being an adult is not seeking or needing external validation.  Enjoy what you enjoy as long as you don't break any laws or harm people in the process.  I like musicals like Phantom, Les Mis, and Hamilton and I'm not going to apologize for it or ask if it is okay.

[DavidW]

Anyway for me listening to my old favorites brings me back to when it was most vibrant in my life.  I put on Beethoven's 4th symphony and I'm back riding in the truck with my Father playing the tape.  Ligeti's Hamburg concerto takes me back to those long soul searching walks I had in cold winter days in grad school, etc. etc.

So instead of missing the periods in which the music meant the most to me, the music now serves as a window into the past.  And occasionally I discover new favorites.

[71 dB]

Uh... so what?  Part of being an adult is not seeking or needing external validation.  Enjoy what you enjoy as long as you don't break any laws or harm people in the process.  I like musicals like Phantom, Les Mis, and Hamilton and I'm not going to apologize for it or ask if it is okay.

I wish this was the case, but I need external validation to have a job and place in the society. To my knowledge I am not breaking any laws nor do I harm other people. I don't mind enjoying simple things. It's just that 20 years ago it seemed as if I'm going to be primarily a fan of classical music the rest of my life, so I have been shopping a lot of classical music, but now I am not sure what I am... ..hence the identity crisis.

[steve ridgway]

now I am not sure what I am... ..hence the identity crisis.

Don't worry about it, just focus on enjoying the music or whatever else grabs your attention.

[Mirror Image]

I wish this was the case, but I need external validation to have a job and place in the society. To my knowledge I am not breaking any laws nor do I harm other people. I don't mind enjoying simple things. It's just that 20 years ago it seemed as if I'm going to be primarily a fan of classical music the rest of my life, so I have been shopping a lot of classical music, but now I am not sure what I am... ..hence the identity crisis.

Who cares if you're a primarily a fan of classical music or not? Listen to the music you enjoy and forget trying to figure out your 'musical identity'.

[71 dB]

I wouldn't get rid of the classical music just yet. I've become bored with all sorts over the years but have come back to them sometimes decades later and enjoyed them again. I still like most of the music I've bought in my lifetime.

I don't feel a real part of human society nowadays either, there's so much deception and manipulation going on, but it's not necessarily a bad thing to take more of an objective, outsider view, take responsibility for your own existence and state of mind. It could be you just need something simple, undemanding and non-intellectual for a while.

Of course I'm not "getting rid" of classical music. I still enjoy it, but not perhaps as strongly as 20 years ago when being "blown away" was commonplace while nowaday its rare. It is just wild when you realize the thought of buying more J. S. Bach feels boring while an album by Air Supply is supercool!  In 1997 J. S. Bach was supercool when his Violin Concertos blew me away while even the thought of 80's popular music was vomit inducing. Call me surprised! This is a Shyamalan "Sixth Sense" level plot twist! 

I like to combine intellectual stuff with non-intellectual in my life in a balanced fashion. That keeps my mental health in shape.

[71 dB]

Who cares if you're a primarily a fan of classical music or not? Listen to the music you enjoy and forget trying to figure out your 'musical identity'.

My wallet cares. My wallet wishes I had known 25 years ago better what music I enjoy when I discover it so that my spending could have been much more optimized. It is not so much about what I enjoy. It is about how f*cking LONG it has taken me to find it out. Ten years ago when I discovered Carly Simon I learned a valuable lesson about trusting my instinct and feelings with music. It seems to have worked brilliantly again with Air Supply. Before that I was too "rational" with music and I bought classical music thinking it is the "good music" just because it is classical music. I was also too "rational" buying pretty much everything the British electronic music label XL-Recordings released. Just because a label is awesome in the early 90's doesn't mean they are awesome or to my taste forever. I stopped caring about their pseudo art garbage releases when The Prodigy left them. The crisis I am having with classical music is similar to the crisis I had some 15 years ago with XL-Recordings. The lesson is to not be too rational with music.

[71 dB]

Don't worry about it, just focus on enjoying the music or whatever else grabs your attention.

Yeah, you are probably right. Because of Air Supply I am confused just as I was 10 years ago when I found Carly Simon. Who knows, maybe I am into Schubert in the summer? These things are hard to predict...

[Karl Henning]

Uh... so what?  Part of being an adult is not seeking or needing external validation.  Enjoy what you enjoy as long as you don't break any laws or harm people in the process.  I like musicals like Phantom, Les Mis, and Hamilton and I'm not going to apologize for it or ask if it is okay.

Straight ahead!

[The new erato]

These things are hard to predict...

And that's the charm of it. You turned me on to Talk Talk. Thanks.

[Herman]

I wouldn't worry about your change in taste. It may change back again in a year, or change in yet a different direction.

Don't call it an identity crisis.

Brian linked an article from the Atlantic about the strange things Covid Lockdown does to our consciousness. It always makes me wonder how people feel when they get out of jail after even a 12 month sentence.

My musical problem (or rather the problem I'm giving my girlfriend and my daughter, the only two people who visit me in my delightful book-filled apartment, even before lockdowns: my home is my work place, too) is that I have come to a complete static standstill, musically. Since the start of the year the Reger Clarinet Quintet has been in the cd-player, and I play it every day, sometimes twice.

If I do make an effort to listen to something else it's another late work by Reger, or, I have noticed, other valedictory works, such as the Schubert two-cello Quintet. It's a sort of mood loop for the novel I'm writing, and which I have occasionally told my GF, to cheer her up, may well be the last book I'm writing. Obviously this goes for any novel I have ever written.

So what I have done, last week, is order the Vaughan Williams symphonies by Andrew Davis, to try and get something different in the cd player.

My life is different from the people in the Atlantic article, in that it is absolutely identical to before Covid. Too  much so, and not by choise. I was writing a book before it started. I had hoped to do some fun things when done. Fuggetabout it. And now I'm working on yet another book, it has just become a relentless drive to keep going and it's not mentally healthy, but hey, I'm no royal, so I guess I can't complain!

[Florestan]

My life is different from the people in the Atlantic article, in that it is absolutely identical to before Covid.

Same here.