Male-Female friendships

[snyprrr]

I am bothered by the focus on physical beauty (which is subjective anyway).  I am much more interested in what is inside a person than their outsides.  If I were to give anyone advice about finding and keeping love it would be to not let physical first impressions pose an obstacle to getting to know someone who may be a fantastic person.  Looks will change but a person's character is what you live with on a daily basis and is what will determine the quality of the relationship in more important ways than looks.

And one more thing - it cannot be overstated that YOU have to be be the right person, i.e. unselfish, with an optimistic outlook.  Don't be so critical of other people and focus on your own flaws and try to improve yourself.

On the Chinese astrology place mats at the restaurant, it says for me that I am obesessed with 'physical beauty'. I fought against this for a long time (do all Chinese placemats throughout history have the same writing? ), but now I accept my defeat.

Look, it has NOTHING to do with ME,... if someone doesn't make 'Mr. Happy' happy, what can MOI do??? I can't talk to 'him'. He won't listen,... even if I say, hey this girl is great,... if he says 'meh', what CAN I do???,... put a splint in it???

Guys have been telling me, "Go for the ugly and fat ones. They need lovin too. You're too picky." Seriously, they talk like that. But, my point is, even if I'M that ecumenical, I certainly can't force my will on 'Mr. Happy' (tried it, doesn't work).


I think that with all the fakery and plastic surgery and all, the notions of 'physical beauty' have changed. I for one can't understand the attraction of orange skinned, implant sportin' Jersey types (not just there!!). The notions of physical beauty that are paraded in front of me, like they're saying, THIS is what you want,... well, it doesn't work for Mr. Happy. You can send him  to all the Re-education Camps you want, I just don't think it's going to work.


Well, ultimately, it only takes One Good One to make ALL the rest go away. I just have a particularly debilitation in this area, that, when there is No One to make all the others go away, ALL the others (and I mean all) flood my mind to the point where I can't do anything (deer/headlights),... no aspirations, no goals,... just like how Spock got every seven years (except with me it's every seven...).


oy, it's 1:00 already?? ?? See what this Thread is doing to me? I say this Thread is a trap, into which I have fallen. Lethe, it's all your fault!!!

[karlhenning]

. . . See what this Thread is doing to me?

No. What is it doing to you?

[snyprrr]

No. What is it doing to you?

Ah, I know what your doing. I'm waaay too paranoid to fall for that one! It won't work. Nope. Not gonna do it. Stepping away from the keyboard now ...

[karlhenning]

Excellent. Some nice hot tea?

[Cato]

... 'Mr. Happy' ...

                                                                                                     

What is his I.Q.?

[DavidRoss]

I love women and have always had friendships with women that have had nothing to do with "benefits."  The "key to deepening such relationships" as originally asked is simple:

Be a good friend and do your part to keep the friendship alive. 

[Sergeant Rock]

I love women and have always had friendships with women that have had nothing to do with "benefits."  The "key to deepening such relationships" as originally asked is simple:

Be a good friend and do your part to keep the friendship alive.

I was diverted off-topic by our dear Snyprrr and haven't really answered the OP's question. I agree with David. Yes, male/female friendships are possible and in my view not only a good thing but essential. My oldest friend is a guy (we met 56 years ago on an elementary school playground during recess) but my best and closest friend is female. I'm far more comfortable talking to her about almost anything.

Sarge

[ibanezmonster]

Just the real world. Maybe I was always in the right place at the right time. I don't know. But with 4 billion women in this world surely there are at least three or four who would talk to you about Xenakis   You just have to find them. I did.

I grew up in a small town (pop.1800). Not a lot of choice but there were about 70 girls in the high school band, more than enough to find someone both attractive and interested in music. That's where my first serious relationships originated. At university I took music theory classes and noticed, and eventually pursued (and won) a cute horn major (who'd go on to play with several east coast orchestras and chamber ensembles). During the summer after HS graduation, I worked at a drive-in restaurant. I once saw the world's most beautiful woman; talked to her briefly (funny story). A year later, in a novelistic coincidence, I met her again while on a blind date with her best friend. She was not only beautiful (I still consider her the most beautiful woman I've ever known), she was extremely intelligent, kind, and loved music. We hooked up three months later (our second date was a Cleveland Orchestra concert at Blossom). In Korea, in a farming village just across the river from the DMZ, I met a woman in a tailor shop. We were together six months. She loved western classical music. Her mother gave us tickets to Szell's penultimate concert in Seoul. My first wife played piano and was a Beethoven fanatic. We'd grown up on the same street. When our marriage ended with a Götterdämmerung-like flourish in a town along the Rhine River in 1975, my best friend at the time (a woman) threw a party in order for me to meet her landlord's daughter (the future Mrs. Rock). She knew we had classical music in common. We didn't hit it off exactly at the party but that didn't deter me. I showed up at her door two days later with a Berlioz record in hand (not flowers or candy  ) and invited her to a Mahler 2 concert. 18 months later we married.

So, I found these women in my hometown, at a university in the middle of Appalachia, a village lacking indoor plumbing in Korea, a drive-in restaurant in Barberton Ohio, and a town on the Rhine. Didn't need London, Paris or New York.


I'm sorry if I came across as harsh. I'm not unsympathetic to you and Snyprrr's predicament. I realize it is difficult. But Snyprrr's misogyny doesn't help his cause any. And really, you both come across as essentially clueless about women.

Sarge

Seems it was a combination of your effort, being at the right places, and luck. To pull off something like that, I think all three were necessary.
Maybe when I go to college, I'll take music theory classes as electives. At this point, those would be some (more) easy As.

Guys have been telling me, "Go for the ugly and fat ones. They need lovin too. You're too picky." Seriously, they talk like that. But, my point is, even if I'M that ecumenical, I certainly can't force my will on 'Mr. Happy' (tried it, doesn't work).

Mr.Happy...  Well, I guess it's a better, more polite term than the alternative.

But this is true. If you're not physically attracted to them and don't even want to see them naked, what is the point of going for them? That type of relationship would be totally dysfunctional.

"Okay, woman, let's get this over with. Don't crush me, don't crush me! Arrrrrrrrrrrggghhh!!!" 

[Brian]

My experience is that if a women even gets the slightest whiff of a hint that you might disagree with her on any aspect of ANY Topic, she's done with you.

Hah! I've just now come back home from a first date with a very pretty girl and we definitely disagreed on something but we're definitely on for lunch Sunday!

Admittedly, the thing we disagreed on is pretty minor. Which is, she absolutely hates birds and thinks they all want to attack her, and I like birds. 

[Brian]

"Okay, woman, let's get this over with. Don't crush me, don't crush me! Arrrrrrrrrrrggghhh!!!" 

Greg, there's something a little bit odd about this quote, which I think is best illustrated by quoting another writer I enjoy:

"If you are firmly enough rooted in your masculinity, it shouldn't bother you much to have a woman on top of you. It's a good deal more relaxing, it's often more satisfying for both parties, and you can see a lot more of what's going on."
- Kinky Friedman

[ibanezmonster]

Greg, there's something a little bit odd about this quote, which I think is best illustrated by quoting another writer I enjoy:

"If you are firmly enough rooted in your masculinity, it shouldn't bother you much to have a woman on top of you. It's a good deal more relaxing, it's often more satisfying for both parties, and you can see a lot more of what's going on."
- Kinky Friedman

Well, nothing wrong with that, but my point was: just responding about how this could possibly turn out:

Guys have been telling me, "Go for the ugly and fat ones. They need lovin too. You're too picky."

[Brian]

Well, nothing wrong with that, but my point was: just responding about how this could possibly turn out:

Sure, I just found it funny that you're worried she'd squish you.  I probably would be too, but I would get around it by saying, no, no, lie down, dear. 

[DavidRoss]

If you're not physically attracted to them and don't even want to see them naked, what is the point of going for them? That type of relationship would be totally dysfunctional.

If Mr. Happy's not happy, ain't no one gonna be happy.

[Mirror Image]

I am bothered by the focus on physical beauty (which is subjective anyway).  I am much more interested in what is inside a person than their outsides.  If I were to give anyone advice about finding and keeping love it would be to not let physical first impressions pose an obstacle to getting to know someone who may be a fantastic person.  Looks will change but a person's character is what you live with on a daily basis and is what will determine the quality of the relationship in more important ways than looks.

And one more thing - it cannot be overstated that YOU have to be be the right person, i.e. unselfish, with an optimistic outlook.  Don't be so critical of other people and focus on your own flaws and try to improve yourself.

Wise words.

[XB-70 Valkyrie]

Here's an interesting article about this whole issue:

http://www.slate.com/id/2268709/

[snyprrr]

This thread has become too boring.

mmm

[Brian]

This thread has become too boring.

I disagree. But then again, if Sergeant Rock published his memoirs (interleaved with poetical essays on what various German romantic works do to his psyche), I'd buy 'em. 

[Sergeant Rock]

I disagree. But then again, if Sergeant Rock published his memoirs

Thanks... 

Once upon a time I did write a  memoir about 1968, the year that utterly changed my life. It was for my parents who had, thirty years after the fact, finally asked me why I'd quit university. I began 1968 an English literature major, in a serious relationship with a woman I was sure I'd marry, and ended the year--after knowing eight remarkable women--alone, a college dropout, volunteering to be an armored cavalry scout. The story has some unbelievable plot twists that seem more like fate than coincidence. Unfortunately (or not ) the 120 pages were lost when my first DOS computer suddenly died.

Sarge

[AllegroVivace]

Although I have never been able to have a real female friend, I admit that it would probably be a good thing if I had one. I have become friendly with a few women over the years but it never lasted, and always for the same reason: at some point you want to see them naked... And it all collapses like a house of cards. The next day you can't look in their eyes. You don't call them, they don't call you... It's basically a dead end.

So, to answer the OP's question... Since this has become a problem for you, it may simply be that you, like me, aren't ready for this sort of friendship- otherwise you wouldn't post a question here, you would just be friends with her.

The bottom line is if you are sexually attracted to her, you can't be friends. One day you're going to make a move and it will be all over.

[snyprrr]

The bottom line is if you are sexually attracted to her, you can't be friends. One day you're going to make a move and it will be all over.

Chopin's Funeral March


Currently, I'm so hungry I'll eat anything to survive,... but there are no crumbs even oh please snyprrr give it a rest read a book