The Dating Thread

[ibanezmonster]

This thread is actually painful for me to read. If you have not read this book, do so immediately:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061240168/sr=1-1/qid=1415837486/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&qid=1415837486&sr=1-1

I don't recommend following the specific advice in it (e.g. Don't dress like an idiot, or do the gimmicky routines) because it is dated now and the subject has moved on, but it will open your eyes to what is possible, and give you a more appropriate frame of reference for the task of meeting women. Once you have read it, look online for more information.

You owe it to yourself.

I read that book probably 4 or 5 years ago.

There's definitely a lot of useful info there that is proven to work. It just doesn't click with me, though. I can't get into the mindset that these people get into- to me, it's lame and corny as hell. And it seemed more focused on going straight to sex before anything. I'd rather know someone for a while first... it's quite sad that so many women fall for their lame tactics and actually find these people interesting.

[Ken B]

I read that book probably 4 or 5 years ago.

There's definitely a lot of useful info there that is proven to work. It just doesn't click with me, though. I can't get into the mindset that these people get into- to me, it's lame and corny as hell. And it seemed more focused on going straight to sex before anything. I'd rather know someone for a while first... it's quite sad that so many women fall for their lame tactics and actually find these people interesting.

FWIW, I can share my most effective pick-up line.


....



Hi, my name is Warren Buffet, Junior.

[ibanezmonster]

FWIW, I can share my most effective pick-up line.


....



Hi, my name is Warren Buffet, Junior.

lol, that might work.



I actually came across something PUA-related recently, the first thing in a loooong time.
This video:

https://www.youtube.com/v/uDy08-RphI8

The ginger is Tyler Durden from "The Game" book. I would like to see him talk this way and use the same body language to a guy that is 6'5" or taller.  Seriously, though, the dude is really annoying and lame- and that's what women go for.  Sad.

[ibanezmonster]

Lol, this is hilarious. This is the way NOT to act on a date.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/rossalynwarren/a-woman-live-tweeted-an-excruciatingly-cringey-tinder-date-s

[Guido]

I agree that unfortunately the representatives that are famous from this industry are embarrassingly jejune, often very irritating and worse, misogynistic, but the underlying principles are not gimmicky or based on tricks - the "tricks" (preplanned banter, routines, literal magic tricks, and all the other sorts attention seeking activities) work because of the underlying principles of attraction, not the other way round, so you don't need to reject the whole deal. In fact, ignoring it is a mistake, because as I say what is written about in that book is connected, however confusedly, to the principles of human courtship. Unfair though it may seem, these are not really avoidable. There are far more carefully considered and adult books to read on the subject, (not to mention better websites) about what it means to be attractive as a straight man, what to work on, and how to interact with women in a way that is non needy, shows your most attractive side (which eventually is about becoming the man you want to be, and so finally being that attractive side), is (crucially!) FUN and not nerve racking, filters out women who are not worth your time, and all without lying or doing the stupid tricks which rightly turned you off that material in The Game.

I'm slightly passionate about this because I know how much I have changed in this area, and how small adjustments can make enormous differences to this aspect of your life.

[ibanezmonster]

I think you're definitely right. The underlying tricks are important. Best to look past these guys' personalities and take the helpful tips. I might look into the "preplanned banter" more. I just can't go up to a random person and start talking about something, because I never have anything to talk about that both me and some random person would find interesting.

Once I move out, I'll give this stuff some more reading. I think my parents would die of shock (and possibly disapproval, depending) if I brought a girl home from a place other than work. 

[snyprrr]

lol, that might work.



I actually came across something PUA-related recently, the first thing in a loooong time.
This video:

https://www.youtube.com/v/uDy08-RphI8

The ginger is Tyler Durden from "The Game" book. I would like to see him talk this way and use the same body language to a guy that is 6'5" or taller.  Seriously, though, the dude is really annoying and lame- and that's what women go for.  Sad.

neuro linguistic programming ... "awake" hypnosis... seems he would steal your gf standing right next to you...


keep in mind... the "Serpent" from the Garden of Eden... in Hebrew the word is "nahash" which is also translated "Sorcerer"... mm... see?


creepy beyond words


I think when I realized that's what you'd have to be like 24/7 is probably when I became a schlepster.







anyhow... back to ME ME ME


nevermind (truly A Failed Experiment (lol)!!)!!





Again, I was told to "buy it". Who here actually has someone say that to them? Seriously harsh times. ouch




and how many exes can you run into in a week?, I mean, reeeally... ugh... (snips, don't forget you're on a public forum)...



LOOK, CHECK THIS OUT- JUUUUST HAPPENED

my old college gal I might have mentioned- who wouldn't have sex w/me on birthday---- I was just walking out this side door and she's making out with a guy I know as she gets in her car. He leaves. I stroll down to her car. "Slut" We laugh. I tell her my woes, and she asks me if I want to make out. Just happened. I'm like, "I just saw you,... and you want me to get sloppy seconds???"  So, no.... but I gave her some good natured male bitterness- she told me she had paid for sex in Bali--- that's when it just got ridiculous...

anyhow... do you see how I am suffering for your Thread, Greg? And I'm not joking...


And, folks, I queried witnesses as to the behaviour of myself and the karaoke lady (who elicited those frenzied earlier Posts), and they all agreed that her beau wooould have been a'mighty pissed had he seen a video montage of our greatest witnessed moments together (even though I never kissed her). So, folks, when she told me that he wouldn't have had a problem with "hand holding" and "slow dancing"... every human witness i queried certainly would have been pissed had they been madame's beau. So, folks, it really really does pain me to say it- and I'm only saying it to you because it's what hurt the most. She actually Lied... unless, wait, forgive me, unless of course all the witnesses are incorrect and her beau re-- no, I've got other examples.. my eyes moisten as i tell my beloved brethren that My Beloved.... gasp.... Lied some dumb dumb lie.... I mean really, you're beau would not be pissed seeing a comp reel? Really? Yea, I'm looking at you.... really?

Folks, since I know I cannot confront My Beloved over this- we know how that works out---- I couldn't possibly- HOW could I possibly have relations with someone who would tell me chicken fat like that? I mean, trust me, I've eating much shit in my life, but, at this point, I'm at a loss.



So, I must does ask the questions, just for when The Stoopids hit:

1) If she calls, should I just not answer? I mean, I really can't/don't want to say anything to this lady.

2) If I see her out, do I just put on Politician Face and just mirror her and say blah blah blah until I can get away?


It may surprise youse, but I really don't like being a dick.


Or do I give it to her snyprrr style? (lol)- no, I don't want to give anyone that...I must be the Perfect Gentleman. It's just that she gave me a "tone"- a 'you better listen to me' tone, and that kind of manly woman behaviour is going to have to be dealt with with a whole arse-enal of New Tricks- and I have no idea what those would be-

but, seriously, I Surrender,... but I'd have to change my whole social calender, without any alternatives in sight.. gulp... GMG... gulp....

It was GMG that first threw me out there to begin with.... aye what to do???


zzzZZZzzz.......zzzzzZZZZZzzzz........zzzzzZZZZzzzz......Zzzz...

[Guido]

Read the above post again. You read into it the exact opposite of what I was suggesting. DO NOT DO TRICKS. DO NOT HAVE PREPLANNED BANTER, beyond perhaps planning how you might introduce yourself if you are fearful of the first introduction (which is perfectly normal.) Probably 75% of being attractive as a straight man is about who you are. What you say matters a little, but what matters far more is that what you say is authentic, and is rooted deeply in who you are as a man. This means being in touch with your own desires, sexual and otherwise, knowing who you are and not being ashamed of yourself, and to an extent, where you are going in life - having goals which you are in some way acting to realise. The old "just be yourself" line is, as you know, on its own useless, as so far that's exactly what you have been doing so far and it hasn't worked. What it means at its core though is "be yourself unapologetically and do not sublimate your desires out of fear of alienating others". Your desire is your strongest ally, but of course it requires a tremendous amount of self confidence (that other chestnut people recommend) to be comfortable sharing your desires with other people without fearing judgement. It is something you can work on though given a little time and patience and by adopting the right attitudes.

There is no perfect series of lines that will get a woman to fall for you - she will constantly, mostly unconsciously, be reading for other signs (as we all do) which will tell her far more about you than you think you are giving off. This is why lines do not work. Even if you did use those routines and somehow tricked a woman for a night (if she was very drunk say) you will not be able to keep up an act for much longer. The real you will pour out every time you interact with the world. As another point, raw looks matter a little, but grooming matters a lot more (because it tells a woman about who you are, how you carry yourself in the world, and how you see yourself).

I wouldn't bother approaching women on the street who you have had no introduction to until you have some experience with being socially fully comfortable with women. The good news is that you will already be naturally more attractive to some women than others, both for your looks, but more importantly for your interests and personality. For example the fact that you are passionate about manga is an enormous asset - this is such a strong subculture, and it is mainly women that are manga fans in the west, so tapping into this community I would suggest would be a good avenue. How to be with women, in terms of what attitude to adopt to avoid clamming up and appearing self-confident (again: NO Routines) is the remaining 25% of the bargain, and in a nutshell, boils down to talking to her with a GENUINE desire to get to know her better, not being afraid to disagree with her about things that you care about, in short not being needy or trying to change who you are to appear nice and amenable at all times. This is what being honest in social situations is about and is very difficult for most people. If you have no backbone and no opinions you are lost. If you can be funny and charming all the better! If I'm not careful I'm just going to start spouting off for hours as this is an enormous subject, and I don't have the time! If this all sounds totally foreign as an idea to you then I can recommend some places to turn to.

[snyprrr]

Read the above post again. You read into it the exact opposite of what I was suggesting. DO NOT DO TRICKS. DO NOT HAVE PREPLANNED BANTER, beyond perhaps planning how you might introduce yourself if you are fearful of the first introduction (which is perfectly normal.) Probably 75% of being attractive as a straight man is about who you are. What you say matters a little, but what matters far more is that what you say is authentic, and is rooted deeply in who you are as a man. This means being in touch with your own desires, sexual and otherwise, knowing who you are and not being ashamed of yourself, and to an extent, where you are going in life - having goals which you are in some way acting to realise. The old "just be yourself" line is, as you know, on its own useless, as so far that's exactly what you have been doing so far and it hasn't worked. What it means at its core though is "be yourself unapologetically and do not sublimate your desires out of fear of alienating others". Your desire is your strongest ally, but of course it requires a tremendous amount of self confidence (that other chestnut people recommend) to be comfortable sharing your desires with other people without fearing judgement. It is something you can work on though given a little time and patience and by adopting the right attitudes.

There is no perfect series of lines that will get a woman to fall for you - she will constantly, mostly unconsciously, be reading for other signs (as we all do) which will tell her far more about you than you think you are giving off. This is why lines do not work. Even if you did use those routines and somehow tricked a woman for a night (if she was very drunk say) you will not be able to keep up an act for much longer. The real you will pour out every time you interact with the world. As another point, raw looks matter a little, but grooming matters a lot more (because it tells a woman about who you are, how you carry yourself in the world, and how you see yourself).

I wouldn't bother approaching women on the street who you have had no introduction to until you have some experience with being socially fully comfortable with women. The good news is that you will already be naturally more attractive to some women than others, both for your looks, but more importantly for your interests and personality. For example the fact that you are passionate about manga is an enormous asset - this is such a strong subculture, and it is mainly women that are manga fans in the west, so tapping into this community I would suggest would be a good avenue. How to be with women, in terms of what attitude to adopt to avoid clamming up and appearing self-confident (again: NO Routines) is the remaining 25% of the bargain, and in a nutshell, boils down to talking to her with a GENUINE desire to get to know her better, not being afraid to disagree with her about things that you care about, in short not being needy or trying to change who you are to appear nice and amenable at all times. This is what being honest in social situations is about and is very difficult for most people. If you have no backbone and no opinions you are lost. If you can be funny and charming all the better! If I'm not careful I'm just going to start spouting off for hours as this is an enormous subject, and I don't have the time! If this all sounds totally foreign as an idea to you then I can recommend some places to turn to.

Great Dance Moves

Ridiculously Good Looking

Bangin' tha Dollaz Yo!


YOU MUST HAVE ONE OF THOSE. The manipulator in the video had the Satanic version of 'Good Dance Moves', like a magician. Certainly not the other two.

I mean, I'm just going to disagree.

Trust me- I CAN'T be myself, it has been a proven fact. I can be archetypes of myself, but I can't be myself in many situations. But, the Personae I don must be enough like me- all the best parts of me, none of the bad- which really is a bitcxh, let me tell ya- you really have to know When to Bail- that may be the secret right there.

it's late- my nephew keeps typing...

[Guido]

This is terrible advice. Do not listen to Snyprrr!

[Ken B]

This is terrible advice. Do not listen to Snyprrr!

This post has been reported to the moderators as redundant, and insulting to the intelligence of all readers.

[jochanaan]

...I just can't go up to a random person and start talking about something, because I never have anything to talk about that both me and some random person would find interesting.

You don't live in a place with interesting weather?  Then you should move to Denver. Seriously, there's always something interesting to talk about--if you do what the old railroad-crossing signs used to say and "Stop. Look. Listen."

[ibanezmonster]

You don't live in a place with interesting weather?  Then you should move to Denver. Seriously, there's always something interesting to talk about--if you do what the old railroad-crossing signs used to say and "Stop. Look. Listen."

Florida weather is quite... interesting. There has to be something better to talk about than the weather. Every time the weather changes, I hear, "It's cold" or "It's hot" twenty times a day and unfortunately if it's someone I don't know, I can't say, "oh... really," sarcastically.

Read the above post again. You read into it the exact opposite of what I was suggesting. DO NOT DO TRICKS. DO NOT HAVE PREPLANNED BANTER, beyond perhaps planning how you might introduce yourself if you are fearful of the first introduction (which is perfectly normal.) Probably 75% of being attractive as a straight man is about who you are. What you say matters a little, but what matters far more is that what you say is authentic, and is rooted deeply in who you are as a man. This means being in touch with your own desires, sexual and otherwise, knowing who you are and not being ashamed of yourself, and to an extent, where you are going in life - having goals which you are in some way acting to realise. The old "just be yourself" line is, as you know, on its own useless, as so far that's exactly what you have been doing so far and it hasn't worked. What it means at its core though is "be yourself unapologetically and do not sublimate your desires out of fear of alienating others". Your desire is your strongest ally, but of course it requires a tremendous amount of self confidence (that other chestnut people recommend) to be comfortable sharing your desires with other people without fearing judgement. It is something you can work on though given a little time and patience and by adopting the right attitudes.

There is no perfect series of lines that will get a woman to fall for you - she will constantly, mostly unconsciously, be reading for other signs (as we all do) which will tell her far more about you than you think you are giving off. This is why lines do not work. Even if you did use those routines and somehow tricked a woman for a night (if she was very drunk say) you will not be able to keep up an act for much longer. The real you will pour out every time you interact with the world. As another point, raw looks matter a little, but grooming matters a lot more (because it tells a woman about who you are, how you carry yourself in the world, and how you see yourself).

I wouldn't bother approaching women on the street who you have had no introduction to until you have some experience with being socially fully comfortable with women. The good news is that you will already be naturally more attractive to some women than others, both for your looks, but more importantly for your interests and personality. For example the fact that you are passionate about manga is an enormous asset - this is such a strong subculture, and it is mainly women that are manga fans in the west, so tapping into this community I would suggest would be a good avenue. How to be with women, in terms of what attitude to adopt to avoid clamming up and appearing self-confident (again: NO Routines) is the remaining 25% of the bargain, and in a nutshell, boils down to talking to her with a GENUINE desire to get to know her better, not being afraid to disagree with her about things that you care about, in short not being needy or trying to change who you are to appear nice and amenable at all times. This is what being honest in social situations is about and is very difficult for most people. If you have no backbone and no opinions you are lost. If you can be funny and charming all the better! If I'm not careful I'm just going to start spouting off for hours as this is an enormous subject, and I don't have the time! If this all sounds totally foreign as an idea to you then I can recommend some places to turn to.

This all sounds like me already. Besides being able to talk to a random person with no interesting context. And the fact that I might not talk about some of the things I like sometimes simply because certain people aren't likely to be interested, rather than me being ashamed about them. But always worth a try, I guess.

So then if acting like that is good, guess I'm good...

[Guido]

That's fantastic, if that's true, you will be very successful with women as soon as you start asking them out.

[Guido]

I mean, my profile picture isn't terrible, is it? Basically just a headshot, like everyone else does:

http://pictures.match.com/pictures/19/23/165031923Z.jpeg

Just saw this. This picture makes you you look seriously overweight and that you are trying to hide it. I can only assume that you're not really overweight since you object to fat so much in women, so this photo is definitely something to change. You want a photo that at least includes your shoulders, ideally get a friend to take it, but even a selfie would be better than the current one. Use good lighting that will flatter your skin. If you have a suit, wear it, you will get twice as many replies because of what it suggests about you. Unless you want to meet rock chicks, in which case you should wear something appropriate to them!

More tips can be gleaned here: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/

And generally, ok Cupid is a much better site than plenty of fish - I find the users to be of higher average intelligence and more interesting generally.

If you're in an isolated area and don't have many matches, move to an urban centre. If you are working 60 hours a week, I can't really imagine how you couldn't afford it, even on minimum wage.

[snyprrr]

This post has been reported to the moderators as redundant, and insulting to the intelligence of all readers.

[jochanaan]

...being able to talk to a random person with no interesting context....

There is ALWAYS an interesting context.  Just open your eyes and ears. That was the point of my previous post.  Sometimes you sound as if you live in a world where no interesting things ever happen, at least to you.  But I say that you only need to look around you to find interesting contexts.  Even headlines seen in a newspaper stand can provide context.

[North Star]

There is ALWAYS an interesting context.  Just open your eyes and ears. That was the point of my previous post.  Sometimes you sound as if you live in a world where no interesting things ever happen, at least to you.  But I say that you only need to look around you to find interesting contexts.  Even headlines seen in a newspaper stand can provide context.

Yes. He who wants to see, does see.

[ibanezmonster]

Just saw this. This picture makes you you look seriously overweight and that you are trying to hide it. I can only assume that you're not really overweight since you object to fat so much in women, so this photo is definitely something to change. You want a photo that at least includes your shoulders, ideally get a friend to take it, but even a selfie would be better than the current one. Use good lighting that will flatter your skin. If you have a suit, wear it, you will get twice as many replies because of what it suggests about you. Unless you want to meet rock chicks, in which case you should wear something appropriate to them!

Here's another picture of me:
http://pics.pof.com/dating/290/69/1amnvjvvx3yem4ykemxdpexp0474358939.3.jpg

I originally cropped it so much because I read that the site wanted your face to take up most of the picture. Not going to take that too seriously in the future.

More tips can be gleaned here: http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-4-big-myths-of-profile-pictures/

The data here says not to wear a suit, though. Actually, it's overwhelmingly in favor of not wearing a shirt. I would be confident with a shirtless profile pic other than the fact that it would seem a bit unnatural and weird. I really want to bulk up more and then get abs (the former being extremely difficult, the latter extremely easy), which will take some time. I'm a bit super critical of how I look.

So, eventually my profile pic will be a shirtless me holding my dog. Sure to get hits. 

And generally, ok Cupid is a much better site than plenty of fish - I find the users to be of higher average intelligence and more interesting generally.

Cool. Noted.

If you're in an isolated area and don't have many matches, move to an urban centre. If you are working 60 hours a week, I can't really imagine how you couldn't afford it, even on minimum wage.

Yeah, when I went all out sorting through profiles some months ago, I found no more than a couple matches in my area. So as I said earlier, I can't do anything until I get hired after graduating from school and will likely be working in an urban area. But that is some excellent info with that link...

[snyprrr]

Here's another picture of me:
http://pics.pof.com/dating/290/69/1amnvjvvx3yem4ykemxdpexp0474358939.3.jpg

I originally cropped it so much because I read that the site wanted your face to take up most of the picture. Not going to take that too seriously in the future.

The data here says not to wear a suit, though. Actually, it's overwhelmingly in favor of not wearing a shirt. I would be confident with a shirtless profile pic other than the fact that it would seem a bit unnatural and weird. I really want to bulk up more and then get abs (the former being extremely difficult, the latter extremely easy), which will take some time. I'm a bit super critical of how I look.

So, eventually my profile pic will be a shirtless me holding my dog. Sure to get hits. 

Cool. Noted.

Yeah, when I went all out sorting through profiles some months ago, I found no more than a couple matches in my area. So as I said earlier, I can't do anything until I get hired after graduating from school and will likely be working in an urban area. But that is some excellent info with that link...

We need you smiling, and holding the guitar in such a way as to give her the impression you're going to serenade her with love love love songs... right there you may be too threatening, looking like James Hetfield- and we need to see more of you- those angles, and the hiding, and still going to give off a beefy impression- not "fat", but beefy-, but, you might want to ditch the guitar and just flex so that everything looks as hubba-hubba as possible.- no?


btw- I"VE HAD TO NOW COMPLETELY CHANGE MY SOCIAL CALENDER because of that research I was doing for you, Greg!!

I have spoken with people close to the sitch, and I feel a lot less crazy today (I'll bet you're all real glad ) in that it wasn't me making things up out of whole cloth. I have now had to take an 'avoid at all costs' approach, which flippin sucks,- and NO KISS Greg.... fuck, I'm still recovering from embarrassment.

tonight I had to strike out to the redneck bar... oy vey, indeed, shlomo!!