Cato's Grammar Grumble

[Cato]

In recent days we have noticed the following curiosities...

Courtesy of our favorite* television news station:

"Statistics show that most children in foster care are the result of drug abuse." 

Actually, we always thought children were the result of love, but this is the 21st Century, so...all things are now possible!  0:)

Next we have a radio station, where one can hear the following sentence - spoken with great enthusiasm - several times a day:

"For more information, check licking events, dot com!" 

Okay, I suspect a good number of car accidents on our local freeways come from out-of-town people hearing this sentence, which follows a list of of otherwise saliva-free public meetings. 

"Licking" is the name of a local county.  Because of a good number of salt licks, the area was called in pioneer years the "licking" district.   

A MUCH better Internet address would be "LickingCountyEvents.com"  0:)

* i.e. in the sense that their incompetence generates so many curious mistakes in the language.

[Karl Henning]

Oh, lawd.

[Cato]

Courtesy of the local newspaper in an article about the construction of a new county jail:

"Part of the purpose of the jail will be a new system of rehabilitation.  Inmates will be connected to addiction and be offered other similar treatments."

[Karl Henning]

"Hook me up!"

[Cato]

For the non-Americans, in our football, when the ball is thrown toward the goal near the end of the game in the vague hope that it will be caught, thereby winning the game, the toss is called a "Hail Mary."

Wikipedia presents this for the origin:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hail_Mary_pass

Now today, while showing highlights of a high school game from last night, a local television sportscaster said:

"And with 10 seconds left quarterback Johnny Smith heaves a long pass...and it turns out to be an Epic Fail Mary. 

[North Star]

For the non-Americans, in our football, when the ball is thrown toward the goal near the end of the game in the vague hope that it will be caught, thereby winning the game, the toss is called a "Hail Mary."

Wikipedia presents this for the origin:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hail_Mary_pass

Now today, while showing highlights of a high school game from last night, a local television sportscaster said:

"And with 10 seconds left quarterback Johnny Smith heaves a long pass...and it turns out to be an Epic Fail Mary. 

That's when you accidentally throw the ball toward the wrong goal?

[Cato]

Just caught "sports news" on T.V. this morning.  The COLLEGE quarterback for a team in a playoff game was being interviewed:

"After 5 years, we have came so, uh, so close, so this time we're gonna gitter done."

Translation for the non-native speakers: "After 5 years, we have come so close (to winning the championship), so this time we will get her (i.e. "it" i.e. the task of winning the game) done."

17 years of education down the drain!

The Ohio State University football coach was also interviewed about his team's game today: "Last night we practiced outstanding."   

You might be able to practice standing out in a crowd, but...  ...his $4,000,000 paycheck per year must not include a "good-grammar clause."   

At this point, we can only recall Professor Wagstaff:

https://www.youtube.com/v/3skIjrkta2Q

[Karl Henning]

Nobody respects a football player who uses good grammar!

[Cato]

Nobody respects a football player who uses good grammar!

Apparently the NCAA passed a new rule about that!

I remember the well-spoken Cleveland Browns quarterback Frank Ryan  - he and the Browns won the 1964 NFL championship 27-0 against Unitas and the Baltimore Colts) - who had a Ph.D. in Mathematics. 

How many Ph.D.'s play in the NFL today?

[Karl Henning]

Okay, kids, gather around:

. . . Langgaard's very first string quartet, which the composer began at the age of 21 in 1914.  Like the subsequent quartets it is shot through with moving musical references to the fateful summer the year before, when the composer met the (hopeless) love of his life.

Now, I come away from that sentence asking, What – all of his string quartets are shot through with musical references to the summer of 1913?

That's how the sentence is cast, right?

Edit :: minor typo

[North Star]

Okay, kids, gather around:

. . . Langgaard’s very first string quartet, which the composer began at the age of 21 in 1914.  Like the subsequent quartets it is shot through with moving musical references to the fateful summer the year before, when the composer met the (hopeless) love of his life.

Now, I come away from that sentence asking, What – all of his string quartets are shot through with musical references to the summer of 1913?

That’s how the sentence is cast, right?

Edit :: minor typo

See the Lyre.

[Cato]

Today we examine a phrase from America's latest dwindling activity: football (NOT soccer     ).

From the Dec. 19, 2017 Wall Street Journal: a sportswriter named Jason Gay is commenting on what seemed to be a winning score during a Pittsburgh Steelers game:

...Pittsburgh appeared to have grabbed a momentous, last-minute, come-from-behind home win over New England when Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger hit tight end Jesse James (yep, that's his real name) for a game-clinching touchdown catch....

The referees signaled touchdown, and there was pandemonium in Pittsburgh. With less than half of a minute left, it looked as if the Steelers were about to stop the rival Pats, taking firm control of the AFC with just two games left in the regular season.

Then the Replay Overlords intervened, and what very much looked like a catch became...

Not a catch.

The ruling on the replay was that the ball did not "Survive the Ground," which sounds like the title of a Liam Neeson movie.

BAD GUY: No! No don't throw me off this rooftop, Liam Neeson.

LIAM NEESON: If you don't tell me where she is, you'll never...survive the ground.

Anyway, upon further review, officials decided this: the Steelers' James may have "caught" the ball and crashed forward into the end zone, but in order to complete the catch, he needed to maintain full control of the ball upon hitting the turf. In the replay, it appears that the ball wobbled slightly when James lunged forward and his hands—and the ball—crashed to the ground.

In other words...it did not survive the ground.

RIP, Steelers game-winning touchdown catch.

For the entire and very funny article, see:

https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-drop-that-enraged-pittsburgh-1513605372

[Karl Henning]

See the Lyre.

Thanks.  Heckuva summer, eh? 

[kishnevi]

Today we examine a phrase from America's latest dwindling activity: football (NOT soccer     ).

From the Dec. 19, 2017 Wall Street Journal: a sportswriter named Jason Gay is commenting on what seemed to be a winning score during a Pittsburgh Steelers game:

For the entire and very funny article, see:

https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-drop-that-enraged-pittsburgh-1513605372

Speaking as an impartial native of New England,  I applaud the referees for making the correct final call.

[Cato]

Speaking as an impartial native of New England,  I applaud the referees for making the correct final call.

Allow me to quote another section of the article:

...The NFL's standards for a reception have gotten downright kooky. According to the rules, the receiver must now:

1. Make the catch.

2. Place both feet in bounds.

3. Hang onto the catch for the duration.

4. Oven bake the catch for 30 minutes at 450 degrees.

5. Take the catch on a three-day camping trip.

6. Agree to pay for the catch's college education—through grad school and a Ph.D. program.

7. Present a handwritten note to the referee that details reasons for making the catch.

8. Sing original composition about catch (OPTIONAL.)

As you can tell, this is a fairly lengthy and complicated list of requirements. And that's how you get an outrage like you have in Pittsburgh—an aggrieved city wondering how what looked so clearly like a catch could become, with the sinister co-conspiring of replay, not a catch....

[Ken B]

Speaking as an impartial native of New England,  I applaud the referees for making the correct final call.

The ball was too hard. Just need to deflate it a wee bit. This sort of thing never happens to the patriots ...

[Karl Henning]

Superinflation!

[Ken B]

Superinflation!

With celebrity culture I prefer the term hyperinflation

[kishnevi]

Allow me to quote another section of the article:

The article was obviously written by a Steelers fan whose investigation was hopelessly biased against President Trump from the beginning.


ETA: 
Sorry for confusing my threads there.

[Karl Henning]

The phrase male gigolo really is a redundancy, right?