The Joke Thread

[Papy Oli]

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. 'You all have obsessions,' he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'

He turned to the second mother, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money. Again it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'

He turned to the third mother, Kathy: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'

At this point, the fourth mother, Joyce, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered... 'Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick Willy up from school and go home!

[Karl Henning]

Best joke I've read all day:

LATEST STOCKHAUSEN NEWS!
IMPORTANT NOTICE

[North Star]

I was going to post in the convenient thread placement, when I saw this and KS thread next to each other

[Karl Henning]

Hah!

[Karl Henning]

Good God, the man has made starter kit a punchline.

Here is a good starter kit ..
Klavierstücke
Gruppen
Kontakte
Zeitmasze
Hymnen
Momente
Stimmung
Mantra
Music for flute, piccolo flute, alto flute
Michaels Reise
Invisible Choirs
Music for clarinet, bass clarinet, basset-horn
Luzifers Tanz
Oktophonie
Music for trumpet, piccolo trumpet, flugelhorn
Electronic Music with Sound Scenes of Friday
Welt-parlament
Lichter-Wasser
Strahlen
Music for saxophone
Freude
Treue
Cosmic Pulses
Tierkreis

[Superhorn]

   What's the difference between a piano and a fish ?  You can't tuna fish !

[North Star]

What do you get when you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic, and an insomniac? ... a person who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

[Karl Henning]

I found music to be infinitely more fun once thinking entered the experience. That mindless jive just wasn't cutting it.

[jochanaan]

Karl, that's a statement we probably shouldn't overthink.

[Karl Henning]

"I didn't get here by thinking . . . ."

[Ken B]

"I didn't get here by thinking . . . ."

The US election thread is over there.

[Super Blood Moon]

Why don't people tell jokes about Jonestown?

Because the punch line is too long. 

[Mr. Three Putt]

Leonard Bernstein was buried holding the score to Mahler's 5th against his chest. Unfortunately, there were other copies made.

(This would be funnier if it were Mahler's 7th)

[Gurn Blanston]

Leonard Bernstein was buried holding the score to Mahler's 5th against his chest. Unfortunately, there were other copies made.

(This would be funnier if it were Mahler's 7th)

Well, I like it... 

[Mr. Three Putt]

If pain is a sign of weakness, leaving the body, then I have an amazing capacity for weakness. You'd think it would all be gone by now. Perhaps it leaves the body very slowly. This would be funnier if it weren't true.

[SimonNZ]

"How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?"
   
"A finite number: one to perform the task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question."

I know I'm four and a half years late saying it, but: I love this one.

[Super Blood Moon]

Heading's Henquarters

[Todd]

Inspired by current events: I said to my doctor I think I've got semi-affluenza.  He said that's a bit rich.

[Karl Henning]

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/PEBKAC

[jochanaan]

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/PEBKAC

Between the Steinway and the Chairman?!